Rarity gets wings (and suffers PTSD) [Comedy]
The bell jingled as the door opened.
“Welcome to Carousel Boutique,” Rarity called out as she stepped into the display room, “where everything is chique and magnifiq—Princess Celestia!”
It took Rarity tremendous effort to keep calm. Celestia—the Celestia—had just walked into her boutique.
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,” Rarity squealed, pulling excitedly at her mane.
“Your Majesty,” she said, prancing across the floor to greet the alicorn. “What a marvelous surprise! Did anypony see you come in? I hope not, I would hate for anypony to interrupt us.”
This was a blatant lie.
In fact, Rarity had secretly pressed her emergency alarm button when she had seen who had come in. Outside the boutique, a large electronic sign flashed, “Go Away, I am entertaining Royalty.”
It got frequent use these days, what with Twilight’s regular visits.
“What can I do for you, Your Highness? A new gown for the gala? Another coronation dress… I am certain I can do better than those… well, never mind.”
Rarity couldn’t wait to rub it into the face of that fat Suri Polomare. Oh, I’m sorry, did the Princess of Equestria come into your boutique? Did the mare who raised the sun every day come to your boutique to order something? No? Well, good… you can suck on that you fat so—
Rarity blushed. “What ever you need of me, Your Highness, I will endeavor to do my best to perform!”
“It pleases me to hear that, Rarity,” Celestia answered with a smile. “What I have come here for is of utmost importance.”
Celestia raised her head, her long mane billowed around her.
Was this it? Was Rarity finally going to get wings? Be crowned a princess? Have beautiful stained glass windows depicting her well deserved coronation in all her glory?
As the light washed over her, Rarity felt a tingle across her back. This was it!
When the light faded, Celestia stood before her with a serene smile across her features.
“Princess, this is everything I ever dreamed of… oh, I knew—after Twilight Sparkle—that one day I would—” Rarity turned around, to find a pair of coloured gossamer wings adorning her back “—have wonderful gossamer wings… again… like the time Twilight gave me a pair. Yes! That was exactly what I was saying.”
“Equestria needs you, Rarity,” Celestia said, resting an extended wing across Rarity’s back. “I know you are the right mare for the job!”
“But what will I be doing?” Rarity asked as Celestia ushered her to the door.
“Rainbow Dash has already been briefed, and will assist you.”
Rarity was pushed out the door of the boutique. Before her stood a skeptical looking Rainbow Dash.
“Seriously?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“‘Seriously’, what?”
“You’re helping me today? You?”
“Excuse me, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity sneered as she pulled herself up to her full height. The unicorn looked her nose down at he brash—rude—pegasus, and continued, “If Princess Celestia thinks I am the right pony to help, then she is obviously right… Now, let us get on with whatever nonsense you feel I am not capable of!”
“Oh my,” Rarity called out, her voice quavering. “I am not capable of this.”
“Well, suck it up Princess,” Rainbow Dash yelled from the clouds above. “Princess’ orders. Real princess, not whiny the one.”
“B-but… cloudbusting?” Rarity asked, looking up at the fluffy clouds dotting the skies. They were very high up.
“Eeyup,” Dash answered, mimicking their friend’s older brother.
Rarity hovered inches from the ground.
“Could you be a dear…” she called out in her most sickeningly sweet voice (the one she used often on Spike), “…and bring the clouds down here?”
If her suspicions about Dash we correct… and she was certain they were… then the athletic mare would soon—
“Nnnnnnope!” the pegasus yelled from her lofty vantage.
Hmmm… Maybe it isn’t Applejack she’s been visiting at nights…
Rarity filed that particular gossipy assumption away for later.
“But Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash,” Rarity employed her most annoying whine. “They’re up so high!”
“Well, they are high things,” came the response. “Come on, Rarity. Get up here and we’ll have these things done in a dash!”
Rarity closed her eyes, and slowly beat her wings.
“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,” she muttered over and over again, as she felt the wind around her. A slight breeze caught her and pushed her to the side. An ear-piercing shriek filled the air. Tight forearms wrapped around her and she felt herself being lifted to… safety?
“Awww, jeez Rarity!” Rainbow said, holding her hooves to her ears. “It was just a crossbreeze. It blew you, like, less than an inch!”
Rarity clung to the cloud which Dash had unceremoniously dropped her on.
“Well, I am sorry…” Rarity snarled. “I don’t do well with heights… not since—”
Rainbow bucked the cloud they were both one, and it disappeared with a poof. Rarity flailed about as her safety perch disappeared. Thankfully, her flailing wings kept her aloft.
“Come on, Rares. It’s just cloudbucking! Look, I’ll show you how it’s done.” Rainbow moved to the next cloud and gave it a swift kick; the cloud disappearing in a poof. “See? Nothing to it!”
Rarity hovered to a cloud, and gave it the daintiest, most lady-like tap she could. Just as Rainbow’s cloud had done, it disappeared with a poof.
“Well, yeah, you can do it that way, if you don’t care about style,” Rainbow grumbled.
“Wash your mouth out, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity gasped, her forehoof flying to her forehead. “How could you accuse me of not caring about style‽ I mean… you don’t even brush your mane!”
“What ever,” Rainbow sighed. “Let’s… let’s just get this over with, so I can get on with my nap.”
“I don’t know why—” poof “—you nap so much. I mean, really, Rainbow Dash… this isn’t exactly hard work —” poof “—I mean, I haven’t even broken a sweat… thank Celestia.” Poof.
“Yeah, well, tell me that after you’ve busted more than four clouds,” Rainbow muttered as she wiped the sweat from her brow.
“What was that dear, I didn’t hear y—” Poof.
Rainbow didn’t get to hear what Rarity was about to say, as behind her came almighty explosion. Rainbow Dash knew that sound, but it wasn’t possible.
She turned around, and sure enough, the expanding concentric rainbow confirmed that, indeed, Rarity had just pulled off a sonic rainboom.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
Rainbow’s eyes tracked Rarity across the sky, the sound trailing several seconds behind the unicorn thanks to her supersonic speeds.
Rainbow sighed.
“Just… just great!”
“Jeez, come on Rarity… you’re the second pony in recent history to pull off a sonic rainboom.”
Rainbow helped Rarity through the doors of her boutique. The unicorn was shaking violently and blubbering so loudly that she had attracted quite a lot of attention as they walked through the streets.
“And… I did catch you… again.” Rainbow sat the nervous unicorn on her fainting couch.
Rarity clung to Rainbow like a lifeline.
“Stupid wings… stupid clouds… stupid—”
Rarity spied her gem chest. It was conspicuously open… and empty.
“Celestia!” Rarity gasped.
“That bitch!”
A Sparkling Clean Record [Dark][Comedy]
“‘sa mighty-fine shop ya got here, Davenport.”
Davenport looked up from his stocklist. Five hundred count of quills, forty count of sofas. Applejack and her brother, Big Mac, had sauntered into his store like they owned the place. He’d heard other shop owners complain about the pair.
“Applejack, Big Mac,” he said, flatly, “what a pleasure to see you.”
It was anything but: he knew the exact reason the two were there.
For protection money.
He’d only just moved back to Ponyville, and risked rebuilding his store during the Nightmare Moon fiasco. That crazy mare was still out there, somewhere, but he had a living to make. It had cost a lot to get his store back up and running, and it had taken such a long time for the store to be finished.
Sure, he could have paid the Union, and they’d have built it faster, but that was a rort! If they could build it faster, why didn’t they? Why did he have to pay extra for the same job?
“Ah see ya gotta lot’a sofas here,” Applejack drawled. “It’d be a mighty shame should somethin’ happen t’ ‘em! Right, Big Mac?”
“Eeyup,” the stallion replied, nodding.
“Well, I am sure nothing bad will happen to them,” Davenport said, scowling. “I take good care of my shop, thank you. Is there something I can do for you, or is this just a social visit?”
“A social visit?” Applejack chuckled. “No, guv… we’re just here t’ collect some insurance.”
“Eeyup!”
“I am quite happy with my current, insurance, thank you!” Davenport snarled. Applejack was supposed to be an element of harmony. And here she was—trying to extort him—like… like a common thug!
“Well, bad things happen, ya see?” Applejack said, brushing her hoof against her coat. “Your insurance helps t’ protect th’ town. Rainbow Dash ain’t comin’ back til we can raise th’ bits. An’ Ah’m sure yer current insurance doesn’t cover parasprites.”
“Nope!” Big Mac added.
“Ah mean, Ah’d hate for parasprites t’ come through th’ store an’ wreck things.” She nodded to her brother.
A loud crash filled the store, as Davenport watched Big MacIntosh buck one of his more expensive faux-leather chaise longue into kindling. Applejack herself tipped a carton of quills onto the floor, and ground them with her hoof.
“See? Bad things happen. Nightmare Moon, parasprites, changelings, fruit bats. Plenty of terrible things in Equestria, guv.”
“Get out!” Davenport yelled. “Get out before I call the police!”
“So, that’s yer answer?” Applejack and Big Mac shared a frown.
“Get out!”
“Well, Ah’m very sorry ya feel that way, Mr. Davenport.”
Applejack and Big Mac shared a look, and trotted out of the store.
Davenport whimpered.
They weren’t really going to do this, were they? Surely they were just trying to scare him.
He’d pay, he would. Oh, Celestia, he would pay.
“P-please,” he whimpered as more cement was poured on top of him. “I have a family.”
“Sorry, Dav, but ya had yer chance.”
Tears streaked from his eyes.
“Think of it this way, Davvy. Yer’ll be a foundin’ member o’ th’ new Ponyville!”
He watched in horror as the cement finally flowed over his eyes.
“Oh, Applejack!” Twilight Sparkle gasped. “The restaurant looks wonderful! Now all the ponies will have somewhere to eat.”
“Not a problem, Twi.”
“How did you clear the space for the restaurant so quickly?” Twilight marveled at the building before her.”
“Aww, it were no problem, Sugarcube. Ah jus’ called in a favors with th’ family.”
