Keepin' Your Heart a Soarin'

"Well, Soarin', I'm curious about, uh," you start to say, eyes peering over the small grill window to your far left as you wonder what on earth Scamper and Colgate are doing now. You clear your throat. "What have you been doing since you left the Wonderbolts?" The word 'left' is a damned lie, but you don't want to hurt his feelings. "You're with that performance troupe, right?" Okay, now, I have to make our real first date be a success. I have to be sociable for once, dammit.

"Oh, yeah!" Soarin' replies, his face suddenly lighting up, "We're called 'Shambala', and we've got all these fancy new things coming up. Like, uh, there's this one pony from Hoofington, 'Scruffy Scribe' or something I think he's called, and he's made up this new play that's all like parodic and subversive but funny, with all these bouncy musical numbers." He hops in place, and you try to pay attention, not really in the mood for babbling. "And we're like putting on these fake pink heads with human faces and use these stick things to have long, human-like arms." He sticks his hooves out and waves them out like Frankestein's monster, groaning just like it as well. "So, we're like you, only it's a satire so we make humans out as the undead among the pony living--"

"Undead, sure," you reply, really starting to tune him out. You glance out the window, seeing somepony heading over in the distance. She's got a very tall, lanky, and dumb looking earth pony at her side. That can't be her. Can it?

Soarin' just rambles on, acting out various parts of his play. It looks basically like The Sound of Music with zombies and lesbian sex mashed into it, and you can hardly care, just trying to avoid staring at the couple walking to the restaurant. Scamper suddenly bursts out into the middle of the floor-- appearing almost out of nowhere-- and he makes for the door. He rips off the sign, looks left and right, crumples it up, and eats it. You just gawk at him for a moment, breathless.

"Doesn't, uh, that taste like, uh, paper?" you say, abruptly interrupting Soarin's spiel.

"I know, isn't it delicious!" Scamper replies, smiling with his eyebrows wiggling. He waves over at the little window between the tables and the grill, and Colgate's face pops up. You hear some kind of commotion in the kitchen, some more pony voices.

Damn, Colgate, you have weird taste in males. You shrug, as does Soarin'. I guess the other cooks are here, so we're back to normal lunchtime. That's great as long as--

"Oh, can't you open the door like a normal pony?" Clover calls out, slamming into the entrance. She stops, brushing off her sunny-looking white and yellow striped dress. You think back to Rarity in her smart sundress, although she had a creamy core of kindness inside her elegant sugary exterior. "Seriously, retard, you push on the right and pull on the left. Elementary school stuff, you r-tard." The stallion behind her lets out a sigh.

Soarin' can't bear to look behind him, he just leans forward and puts his head down on the table. You stare at Clover, expressionless. "R-tard"? Really? She doesn't notice you, she simply turns around and puts a hoof on her new coltfriend's chest. She taps hard, and the big lug-- his incredibly pale white fur looking like he's never seen the sun in years-- stands still as a statue.

"Why don't you get us a seat, then!" Clover smarts off, turning with her flanks wiggling in the air. Her coltfriend idly points at an empty spot, one of the dozens of them. She takes a seat across from your table. She leans back with her bottom hooves on the table, acting as if she was on the couch at home. "Well, Dexy, are you seeing where the hay my sister is, or not?"

Before Dexy can say a thing, the blue and white mare pops out of the server's entrance and walks out. Clover smiles, but that fades as she sees Colgate head over to you and Soarin's table. She barely notices you, but she sees the pegasus' familar wings sticking out behind him. She makes beady eyes, and you wink at her. She frowns. After you don't reply, just picking up the bowls of soup and spoons Colgate just gave you, Clover scoffs, going back to glaring at her coltfriend.

No screaming arguments with us? No, nothing. I guess Dexy's her new toy now, with Soarin' being dead and gone to her. I wonder how long until she breaks Dexy. Poor thing. I've got to warn him or something. You see Soarin' simply staring at his food, paralyzed by fear.

Dexy chit-chats with Colgate a little. She bobs her head up and down inside the little grill window, and Dexy waves dismissively over at Clover. He walks out the door as Clover becomes engrossed in the mini-jukebox besides her, clopping across the screen.

You don't want to pay that stupid girl any more attention. You eye Soarin' as he mutters with his face in his hooves. He seems to be having something like an out of body experience. Your potato soups appear on your table, but neither of you do a thing. You finally reach out and put your left hand around Soarin's shoulder. He puts his hooves down, and he looks up at you.

You gaze into his handsome eyes. An unspoken understanding occurs. Clover's part of the scenery now. That's it. Nothing more. That mare won't affect him anymore. Meanwhile, Clover clicks over to an obnoxious electroclash song. Her mini-jukebox spurts out random sounding beats coupled with idiotic whining-like singing.

You shoot her a dirty look, without even thinking, but she appears to be totally engrossed in her purse. You see Dexy pulling up a heavy box, letting out a gasp as he plants it atop the table. He winces as Clover turns up the music, hardly liking it any more than you do. You let out a breath as Clover whacks her hooves upon the box, making a sudden grimace. Dexy slants to the side, lying down across his side of the booth.

"You."

You snap out of that scene, looking back at Soarin'.

"She's not coming over here, is she?" he asks. He puts on a very pained expression, ears curling down.

You stare at his bruises and cuts along his body, still healing up, and your heart sinks. You lean over, spying on Clover once more, and you take a deep breath.

She seems to have gotten into a serious argument with Dexy, uncharacteristically keeping her voice down. They snap into normalcy as Colgate walks over with a plate full of bread, butter, and oils. The moment Colgate turns her back, the lovebirds go back to bickering. Clover slams her hooves against the plate, knocking a dish of butter over towards Dexy.

"Well, is she?"

You nod your head 'no'. At just that moment, as Soarin' started to smile, Dexy thrust himself out of the booth. Dexy's eyes narrowed as he wiped butter off of his chest, standing up straight.

"Oh, that's it. It," he mutters, walking over to the grill. Colgate shrugs through the little window. He makes a huge frown, and he starts walking over to you and Soarin'.

"Oh, no," you whisper.

"Excuse me for a sec," Dexy says, standing besides your booth and jutting his hooves against the table, "how did you handle this ball of hate? Flippin' seriously? You stayed with her for, what, months? Holy cheese, brother." He leans over. Soarin' simply freezes like a statue, barely even breathing. "What's the secret buttons to push, or somethin'? I got nothin'."

"Look, seriously," you say, giving Dexy a clear 'get lost' eye to eye stare.

"Fine, fine," Dexy replies. He waves his hooves in the air, shrugging, and he makes for the door. He stops a moment, looking back at Clover. She simply shakes in place with her eyes closed, trying not to explode with insane rage. "See you-- maybe--" He pauses for emphasis. "The next lifetime, sugarpie." He laughs at his own joke.

"You're at least going to help me mail my box of makeup supplies, you lazy piece of trash!" Clover shrieks, jumping up into the air and dripping spittle from her mouth.

*Slam!*

Clover lands, jostling her heavy package. She shakes as her hooves run through her hair. You see her turning in place. Her eyes narrow right upon Soarin's back, looking like lazer beams shooting into a paper target. You feel her hear racing. No. Not here. Not now.

Soarin' glances at you, understanding. Clover's steps feel and sound like the approach of a serial killer in a slasher movie, and you can almost hear creepy pianos going. You open your mouth, determined to say something. It's time. Now is the moment. This has to end.

"Well, at least you can be useful at times," Clover spits out, slanting side to side in place. "It's a bucking holiday so the places are all closed. I need a special courier delivery. How about you get off your ugly rear and start--"

"AND HOW ABOUT YOU START LISTENING!"

You're stunned. Clover's stunned. Colgate's stunned. Everyone simply looks at Soarin' standing up on his hind hooves and perching himself right over his ex-marefriend with eyes wide open.

"I... just..." Clover murmurs, the color draining from her face.

"Yes, yes! How about you start listening for a change? How about you start caring for a change? How about you start thinking for a change? How about you open up your heart and treat other ponies like they deserve to be treated? Of course, darling, that implies that you have a heart--" Soarin' presses his bruised cheeks with his hooves, grimacing. "And I know that's not true."

You feel like crying. It's taken a life-time, or what feels like it, but Soarin' will finally set things right. You smile wider than you can ever remember.

"So, how about you turn around--" Soarin' spins his front hooves to complete the image. "And sit right back at your spot like a grown-up mare rather than a foal. And then leave me alone. Forever." He grits his teeth. "And I mean it. For-ev-er."

You can hardly believe it, but Clover seems to deflate before your eyes. She opens her mouth a tiny bit, wiggling her cute mane around her shoulders. Soarin' glares back at her. She closes her mouth, turns slowly, and she goes back to her seat.

Soarin' sits down again, this time nudging himself right besides you. You feel his hooves going over you hands, and you hold him close. He eyes his soup, and you do the same. He lets out a happy sigh. It's over.

"Hey, sis, can you help me with this box?" Clover asks, sounding as close to a calm, normal mare as you've ever heard her. The other mare speeds over, leans over, and takes a look.

"Heavy..."

"No kidding, seriously." Clover brushes her head against her seat. "I can't ship it anymore through the deluxe network. And it has to be there by the day after tomorrow. I'm totally lost. All because of those stupid government ponies and their stupid holiday today."

"I can't think of a thing to do," Colgate replies, shrugging. "Just wait, I guess."

"I know!" Clover's eyes light up, and she rummages through her purse. "I can magically forge a foreign administrations label on the package. That's the ticket. And then the idiots over at the--"

"No, no, you should never do that!" Colgate calls out, making a disturbed expression. "It's a crime. A real serious, no foolin', no hooves crossed, up the foursquares, no mulligans, no time-outs, ready teddy bo-beddy crime! You'll be in big trouble if they catch you!"

Clover kept on grabbing various items from inside her purse, making an evil expression with eyebrows curled. "So what? I'm not supposed to be sending chemical supplies via the mail, anyways."

"Yeah, well--" Colgate began, rubbing her face with her hooves, "what if they do catch you? You could have to go to court. Goodness, the Mailer Demon might even notice! It's a holiday for crying out loud! He'll know!"

"The Mailer Demon? That's just a stupid myth used by Celestia to make idiots cower before her." Clover laughed as she put the finishing touches on a huge sticker. Colgate muttered something quitely, and the sisters exchanged dirty looks.

You look over at Soarin'. He seems totally confused. You don't know what to think either.

"Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy!" Clover calls out as the box magically lifts into the air. You blink, seeing something like electricity going over it.

*Blam!*

You first feel your toes. Then, you notice your fingers. You wiggle them all. You stagger to the side, trying to shake your head. You blink, seeing nothing but dust and haze.

You hear Soarin' coughing besides you, and you lean to the right. You pick yourself up with the table. You wave the air around, making out Colgate and Clover somewhere way in front of you.

"Who!"

"Oh, dear sweet," you whisper, feeling your insides turn to ice.

"Dares!"

Soarin' clings to your side.

"To attempt!

"Mail fraud!"

You can hardly believe your eyes. The alicorn stands as tall as you and as long as a car. Your eyes run along his muscular jet black body, hooves seeming so powerful that they could crush your hands in a microsecond, over to his vibrant blood red striped wings. His feathers look almost like hundreds of knives, with his wings out at full force.

He opens up his mouth one more, steam flowing out. His eyes glow like on a beady dark red security camera. His eyes move, and his head follows. He surveys the room, shifting his gigantic, flowing black and red striped mane along his back. All of the other ponies in the room as well as you hardly want to move.

"It's really him!" Soarin' moans.

"Casanova Frankenstein... the Mailer Demon..." you whisper. You can't believe that he's actually real.

"Who was it?" His voice seems to descend from the heavens, booming across the whole restaurant in less than a second.

Hooves and hands immediately point right at Clover. The mare staggers over to the door, hooves flailing. She lets out a loud, painful whine.

"Haha-hahahaha-hahaha!" The alicorn reaches out with a hoof. A thick black arua covers Clover, sending her flying up into the air. She struggles, eyes bugling as she screams. "I love it when the mortals struggle. And such a body. My, my, I shall enjoy--" He licks his lips, his forked tongue looking as long as your arm, and the sides of his huge face curls up. "Sensually feasting upon you."

Your heart beats faster than a jackhammer, but you can't move a muscle. You don't know if that's his magic or just sheer fear, but it doesn't matter. You feel Soarin' locking against you, hooves wrapped tightly around your legs.

Thick, pulsing tentacles curl up beneath the alicorn's wings. Your eyes move along the soaking wet ends over to Clover, floating helplessly in the air. You blink.

*Boom!*

You blink again. You glance around, seeing nothing left of the two ponies except for empty air. Colgate walks over to you, shaking from step to step. She falls flat on her face, and Soarin' leans over to help.

You find yourself reaching over and cuddling the two ponies. All three of you terrified out of your minds, you can't think. You shimmy over to the kitchen door, barely able to move that much.

"And I thought that my break-ups were bad!" Colgate finally says, finding the silence too terrible.

Soarin' laughs. You stay quiet. Colgate stands up, walking over to the back door of the restaurant. Well, that was... interesting. I guess that it's over, then. It's all over. The two of you alone, you hold your arms over his sides. You lean over, and you close your eyes with your head against his shoulder. He lets out a happy sigh.

You smile.

The End