A Stupid Crossover Fanfic

by fargolevy

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 1050

Rainbow Dash + Homestuck trolls + The Santa Clause + Huge random introspective monologue = A stupid crossover fanfiction of complete and utter randomness... I dunno, read it if you want I guess...

This... Is a stupid crossover fanfiction. It is about Karkat Vantus, Ponies, and The Santa Clause, with a huge freaking boring/deep monologue at the begining. Anyway, they go to the bar and... I dunno, stuff happens. It's pretty much the silliest, most pointless thing possible, but enjoy it if you want I guess...

Published 2014-08-18 04:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-18 04:20:07 UTC

What am I doing with my Life?

It was a beautiful day at the North Pole. The snow fell lightly outside, delicate petals of ice wafting down from the heavens as gentle as the touch of sunlight itself. In the distance, mountains rose from the earth like the crest of an enormous alabaster dragon. The scene was so incredible, yet so peaceful at the same time. The little elf couldn't have pictured a more perfect place. This could have been because the North Pole was the only home she had had for over a hundred years. The sight before her was one she gazed at each and every day. Often, she would find herself in the middle on a task, when suddenly the peaceful display would steal her attention, and hold it captive for hours, like a king lured to the succubus. She knew she was in the middle of something, but the warmth she felt in looking at the cold was so enticing. Only a year or so back, she had snapped out of its wonderful trance, to find that Scott Calvin had finished the dishes for her. He simply smiled and pat her on the head, going back upstairs to check The List once more. That was one of the reasons that she truly loved Santa. He had only taken up his position a few years ago, yet she felt like he was the father she never had.

Today, Judy was assigned the task of procuring a warm, sweetened beverage, using her own unique formula of supplies and methodical liquification of cacao beans and sugar. That being a long way to say, Santa had asked her to make him some of her special hot cocoa. Judy had all her materials prepared, the milk heated, and the ingredients in the shaker. It would be only a few more minutes before the drink was ready, yet she found her face pressed up against the window. Her hazel eyes traced the faces of the jaged cliffs of ice, so far off in the distance. She had to look away. She had to get back to her job... But the view... It beckoned. With each passing second, the chocolaty drink grew richer... Foamier... More powerful. Eventually, it would become to delicious for anyone to drink without becoming instantly addicted. It would be alright though, she was certain. She could look away anytime she wanted to... Just, one minute longer and that would be it... Any second now... She still had time... Maybe she would just scrap the first batch and make a new one later. That was it! She could just make a new batch! That way she wouldn't get distracted from the amazing view of mountains and snow and trio of creatures approaching from the frozen tundra, wait what? Judy blinked.

From out of nowhere, an Eskimo, Karkat Vantus, and Rainbow Dash walked up to the door, and into the bar.

RD ordered hot chocolate, the Eskimo requested fish soup, and Karkat just shouted something unintelligible, involving the words, fuckass, coal, and maggot-hoofbeast.

RD asked for her hot cocoa to be 20% cooler, the Eskimo finished his meal and left the bar, and Karkat was slapped by Judy the elf, who says that if he would stop doing that, maybe he wouldn't be on the naughty list. Rainbow Dash finishes her cocoa, and says that it was "SO AWESOME!!!". Karkat begins a shouting match with the elf, and Judy returns the favor. Just as RD gets up to leave, Pinkie pie falls from the celing and lands on top of her.

"Hiya Dashie!" She shouts with a giggle.

"Pinkie?! How did you get here? I was just about to ask Twilight to head b-".

With that, RD was cut short as Twilight stepped from thin air.

"I thought you said you'd call to come back in one hour?" Twilight scolded.

"Have you TASTED her hot cocoa Twilight?"

Twilight thinks for a moment, levitates a large bag of bits from a saddle bag, drops it on the counter, and lifts a large vat of the chocolate beverage from behind the counter.

"Happy?" The purple pony asked with a smirk.

RD, and Pinkie smile and trot off behind Twilight, seemingly disappearing into thin air.

Judy stops shouting briefly to thank Twilight for her business, and the unicorn skipped backwards carrying the vat, vanishing from sight.

Now, Karkat thought, he wouldn't have any distractions from the epic trolling he was about to do. He opened his mouth, ready to unleash another volley of slurs, when a green blur shot by and tackled him to the ground.

"Karkitty! What did I say about starting strifes with purrfectly nice people!" Nepeta reprimanded, before flashing an adorable smile toward Judy, who promptly returned the gesture.

"Damnit Nepeta..." Grumbled the grumpy troll, as he was picked up by the scruff of his neck.

Nepeta proceeds to drag Karkat out of the bar by his collar, and one stubby horn. She will likely continue to do this until they find Jade, or rather, until Jade finds them. Where was that crazy narcoleptic witch anyway? Judy shrugs and begins to make another batch of cocoa, when Scott Calvin Walks in.

"Now where was that cocoa you mentioned?" He says with a smile. Judy blushed, glancing down at the bag of bits on the table.

"Oh... I'm sorry Santa. Someone random walked in asking for fish soup, so I gave him some, than he just took it and left without a word, or any payment. Ponies came out of nowhere and the next thing I knew they had taken over the whole counter and bought up all the cocoa! After that, I got so distracted arguing with a Troll that I completely lost track of time! That kid Karkat kept rambling for so long that I actually started to miss the ponies! Then another troll came out of nowhere and got rid of the first one, and... Here we are."
Santa thought for a second, then smirked.

"Just like the Internet, huh?"

And, BAM! Story's over. Now go do something besides read my pointless crap. For your own sake!

Author's Note

Crossover tag added, check. Rambling removed, check. Let's see if this piece of crap actually gets through...