Not What She Seems

by xxisutaju

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Sad, Anthro
Length: 4901

She always felt she was different, that something was missing. Her name is Midnight Dusk and she is not what she seems.

I always knew I was different, that some part of me was missing.

Everyone knows me as Midnight Dusk, but is that really who I am or is it just a mask.

I don't know who I am.

Will I ever be free of this mask?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-21 15:15:43 UTC

First Day (Revised)

My life seems to be one long series of disappointments. From the beginning I could tell something was wrong, I could never quite put my finger on it. There just seemed to be something wrong, and every time I would ask my parents they would either send me to my room or ignore me until I left on my own.

Everyone else would look at me like I was crazy whenever I asked them. They were willing to humor me at first, thinking it was just a phase I was going through. But eventually, even they started to ignore me.

I just kept asking the same question over and over again with no answer. Wanting to know what lay beneath the mask that had been forced on me. To see who I really was, not who everyone thinks I am supposed to be.

Midnight Dusk is my name, but I'm not even sure about that anymore. I used to believe that was my name but I'm not sure of anything anymore. My train of thought was interrupted by a loud beeping noise assaulting my ears.

Without opening my eyes I reached my hand towards the source of the offending noise. After what seemed like an hour of groping around my hand finally touched the top of the still beeping alarm clock. I slammed my hand down onto the snooze button before slowly opening my eyes to the familiar sight of my messy bedroom. I laid still for a few minutes to take in the familiar surroundings before slowly sitting up, pulling the covers off of myself.

Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I stood up and started making my way to my bathroom. Stopping at my dresser to get some clean clothes. Without even thinking, I turned on the lights and immediately went to the shower. Turning on the water without even thinking and pulling of my pajamas I stepped under the warm spray of the shower. As the water washed over my body, I let my mind wander.

Today is the day she thought New life at a new school, where no one knows me.

Maybe this is a good thing, maybe I could actually make some friends here. Celestia knows I couldn't make any at my last school after what happened. I'm just lucky I have a chance to start over. However, I have this nagging feeling that something big is going to happen. I'm not sure of the when, the where, the how, or even the who. Call it an instinct or even a gut feeling, I just know it's coming. Whether it be good or bad remains to be seen, although knowing my luck it will most likely be the latter.

It is only when the hot water seems to be running out that I turn the off the spray and step out of the shower. I grab the nearest towel to dry myself with and then wrap it around myself. As I'm going through my regular morning routine of brushing my teeth I absentmindedly gaze at my reflection in the mirror. My mane was dark blue with small streaks of light pink here and there and it reached down to about mid-back. My ears covered in the slightly lighter shade of blue as my face. My face itself was rather ordinary in my opinion. Maybe my face was a little more delicate than most others, and my horn was slightly longer and thinner than the other unicorns I've met. Then there were my wide, expressive magenta eyes. There were the only part of my face that really felt right to me. Everything else, besides my slightly more delicate than most features, seemed wrong to me somehow. Like it wasn't really my face at all.

I shook my head to clear those depressing thoughts before they became to much. I had learned a long time ago that lingering on them for too long lead to dark places that were very difficult to come back from. For Celestia's sake, I am still trying to crawl out of the last dark hole my thoughts had taken me too. Before I could do anything else however I heard a voice from downstairs telling me that if I didn't get moving I would be late for school.

Rushing through the rest of my routine, I hurriedly pulled on my usual outfit consisting off a white button up shirt and a blue pleated skirt. I then ran downstairs to the kitchen to grab some last minute breakfast before grabbing my bag from by the door and taking off down the street. I was most of the way to the school when it occurred to me that I forgot to grab my lunch off of the counter.

Well I thought This day is already off to a bad start.

I only stopped running when the school building came into sight. From the few students loitering in front of the school I assumed I had made it only a few minutes before the first bell. Stopping for a moment to catch my breath I tried to remember what my mother told me to do last night. If I remember correctly she told me to stop by the Principal's office first to meet with the Principal so she could escort me to my classroom.

After spending a few moments catching my breath, I started walking towards the front entrance of the school. The entrance hall was rather large and very impressive. As with most buildings in Canterlot, it was made entirely out of pristine white marble. The floor, the walls, and even the ceiling were polished to perfection. There were quite a few portraits of rather important looking ponies lined up along the far wall, each with their own plaque underneath with their name and title carved into them. Along the wall to my immediate left was a trophy case which, to me at least, seemed to house almost every trophy or award possible. To the right looked to be the entrance to the school's Library. There were hallways branching off in just about every direction with signs overheard stating which classes were in that direction. After taking everything in I spotted a sign which directed to the Main Office, which was adjacent to the Library.

Walking through even this small crowd of other ponies towards the office was rather nerve-wracking for me. I have never done well in crowds, be they big or small, and now certainly wasn't an exception. Logically I knew that there was very little chance that they would even spare me even a passing glance. I still felt like every pair of eyes was looking at me, judging me, sizing me up and deciding what type of pony I as before I could even speak my mind. Not that I would anyways. I was always content to just remain silent and just observe my surroundings because I believed that anything I said probably wouldn't mean much to anybody else.

After only a few moments, which seemed like hours to me, I reached to the front office. As I walked in I noticed the secretary was busy scribbling away on one of many papers on her desk. It seemed to me that she was quite preoccupied at the moment so I took a seat in one of the few chairs lined up along the wall anxiously awaiting for the chance to catch the older mare's attention.

It wasn't until after the first bell rang that the secretary looked up from her paperwork and noticed me sitting there quietly. She had a look of surprise for a moment before she put on a polite smile.

"Hello there miss," she said in a kind voice "If I'm not mistaken the bell just rang, shouldn't you be heading to your first class?"

I was a little taken aback by the question and her kind tone of voice, I assumed she would be upset that I hadn't spoken up sooner. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before answering.

"No miss," I said in my soft voice "I'm new here and I was told to come here to meet the Principal."

A look of understanding crossed her face as she said "Principal Matrix did mention to me that a new student was starting today. I remember because I thought it was unusual for a student that young to be accepted into this school."

At those last words I felt my face go red from embarrassment. My voice seemed to get even quieter when I replied "My last school recommended that I come here," and even quieter I added "Especially after what happened."

Despite how quietly I spoke she seemed to be able to hear my last words quite clearly. Which made her ask "What do you mean 'after what happened'?"

I suddenly started panicking wondering what to say to her that wouldn't come across as being rude. I averted my gaze and tried to look anywhere but at the mare while my hands played with the hem of my skirt. My reaction to her question must have made her rein in her curiosity because she quickly said "I'm sorry I asked, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Something about her tone of voice made me think she was being very sincere which made fell bad about clamming up when she was just asking an innocent question so I finally said "It's okay ... I just ... lost control of my magic once and ..." I couldn't say anymore because the memory of it still haunted me even after all this time.

She seemed to understand that it was a touchy subject and decided to drop it, but not before filing the information away in her mind. Then she gasped and said "I completely forgot to introduce myself, my name is Ivory Scroll but you can just call me Ms. Ivory." Then Ms. Ivory asked "What's your name miss?"

I was more comfortable speaking now that the conversation was in familiar ground "My name is Midnight Dusk, but I prefer to be called Midnight."

"Nice to meet you Midnight, and welcome to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Unfortunately, Principal Matrix isn't in at the moment so I guess I'll be the one to show you to your classroom today."

The fact that it was Ms. Ivory who was going to show me around actually made me feel a little better. There was just something about her that set me at ease, which doesn't happen very often. It may seem a little fast to trust someone, but my instincts about someone were usually right. I don't know why or how, I've just always been able to read people very well. It's one of my very few skills and the one I liked best.

"Oh, um, alright. Thank you Ms. Ivory." I said softly. My voice was still very quiet but it was a little louder this time. I even gave her a small smile to show my appreciation. The first smile I've had all day, and probably the only one I would give all day.

She looked back down at her desk and started shuffling some papers around before finding the one she was looking for. I guessed it was my student information including the classroom I was assigned to.

"When Principal Matrix said you were young I assumed you were 14 or 15, not 12. Well, that just makes you more interesting that you were assigned to the advanced classes."

"I didn't know it was that impressive ...  I just took the test and then they sent me a letter saying I as accepted." I said quietly while I went back to playing with the hem of my skirt. Ms. Ivory seemed to have figured out that was my way of saying ' I'm too embarrassed to talk about it right now.' For that I was extremely grateful because she dropped the subject immediately and moved on to something else.

"According to your file your first class is Advanced Magical Theory in room 305 in the Starswirl Wing of the school. If you follow me I'll take you there."

We exited the Main Office and walked past the Library and turned left down a hallway, according to the plaque on the wall this was the Starswirl Wing. Along the way Ms. Ivory kept a running commentary about the school and its history. I zoned out during some parts of the conversation and only paid attention when she pointed out some special part of the school. I mostly focused on remembering where we were going and trying to create a mental map of the school so I can find my way around later.

We had just started up a winding set of staircases that I heard her say "Principal Matrix arranged for you to have a fellow classmate of yours to be your personal guide."

As she said this she stopped outside of a classroom door and knocked. Curious about what she just said I asked "A tutor, why do I need to be assigned a guide?"

Then she turned to me and said "To make sure you know your way around the school of course. Since you are starting late in the year you missed Orientation, which is when the teachers take the time to show new students around the school. However, since you weren't here we had to ask another student to do so, the Principal has assigned one of your classmates since you both have the exact same schedules."

I thought that over for a moment and agreed that it as probably for the best, it would be unfair for her professors for them to take time out of their busy day to show just one student around the school. "Ok, um, where should I meet her?" I asked timidly.

"She is actually in all the same classes as you are. She has agreed to meet you after your first class and show you around and make sure you don't get lost. She'll be easy to recognize, just look for the filly with her head buried in a book."

The last part confused me, That doesn't seem like much to go on, maybe I should have asked what she actually looks like.

Before I could ask that however, the door opened and someone poked their head out. He was an odd stallion, with a mane that seemed to defy gravity and stuck out all over the place. His mane was completely gray from age while his red coat was a stark contrast to his mane. The tweed suit he wore looked a quite old and very well used with patches sown where his elbows would be. His tie was quite loose around his neck as if he spent quite a bit of time tugging at his collar. His face had an expression of curiosity when he looked at Ms. Ivory, then when he looked down at me his expression changed from one of surprise to one of understanding.

"Good Morning Ms. Ivory, I see your here with our new student. I'm a bit surprised to see you here, I was expecting Matrix to be escorting her here." His voice was quite cheerful. I assume that he is a general jovial stallion and not at all like the strict professor I was expecting to meet.

"Good Morning to you too Professor Neighstein. Principal Matrix was called up to the castle on urgent business and he won't be back until later today, and he told me to show Midnight Dusk here to her first class."

"Well alright then," then he turned to look at me "Nice to meet you Miss Dusk , as you've already heard my name is Professor Neighstein and I'll be teaching your Advanced Magical Theory class."

I averted my eyes from his and said very softly "Nice to meet you too Professor." He seemed like a nice enough stallion, even if he did look a little funny.

"I can take it from here Ms. Ivory, I'm assuming that you've already told her about her guide so I'll introduce her to the class and you can get back to the office."

Ms. Ivory nodded to him and turned and walked back the way we came, and Professor Neighstein led me into the classroom. The entire class was looking at the two of us as we walked to the front of the class.

"Alright class, I have a short announcement to make. We have a new student joining our class today, she's a little shy so be nice to her. Everybody I would like you to meet Midnight Dusk. I want you all to make her feel welcome," turning to me he said "Why don't you take the empty desk near the back and we'll get started." I thanked him and then walked to the back of the room and set my bag down by the desk. There was already a text book sitting on the desk when I arrived so I opened it to the pages the Professor was writing on the board. As it was my first day here Professor Neighstein decided to go easy on me and paired each of the students up to review the assigned pages. I decided on introducing myself to my partner before getting to work.

She was a Lavender unicorn mare with a purple mane which had to pinkish streaks running parallel right down the middle of her mane. She also had deep violet eyes which matched her mane perfectly, and was wearing a grey sweater vest with a white button down shirt underneath and a pleated purple skirt with a starburst surrounded by six stars embroidered near the bottom. It was difficult to get her attention as her muzzle was already buried in the textbook, but when she looked over at me I cleared my throat and said "M-My name's        M-Midnight Dusk, w-what's yours?"

She seemed to be rather annoyed at being interrupted, and it din't seem like she would answer me at first she didn't seem to want to answer me but eventually she turned to me and introduced herself.

"My name's Twilight Sparkle."

Chapter 2

"Nice to meet you Twilight I, um, look forward to working with you."

She didn't seem to hear me however, because her muzzle was once again buried in her book resolutely ignoring me.

Only five minutes into my first class and I'm already having a rough time I thought glumly I probably should have kept my mouth shut.

Seeing as how she was too busy reading to even notice my voice I decided that I should just read the pages on my own. Which proved to be quite the problem. I have always had problems learning from books. The issue isn't that I can't retain any of the information, I can remember just about anything I have read no problem, but being able to process and understand the information is more difficult. Knowing all of the equations and spell matrices is one thing, but actually applying them to real-world applications of magic is another. The few spells I have been able to perform, other than the basic telekinesis inherent to all unicorns, are ones I have learned and mastered after working through the problem orally with my previous magic teacher. Being able to work out a problem through educated discussion and questioning with another unicorn is how I can learn best. Knowing all of the facts may work for this class, which is mostly theory, but won't work for some of my other classes, such as Practical Uses of Advanced Magic. Which leads me back to the fact that the only one I can work through this with is currently ignoring me.

Well I thought with resignation Sitting here is not going to accomplish anything, might as well start reading and go from there.

With one last look at my silent partner, I turned my attention back to the task at hand. At least Professor Neighstein assigned one of the easier aspects of Magical Theory, Spell Matrices. Which were rather easy to understand if a little more difficult to use. A Spell Matrix is simply just a shape or pattern in which you form your magic into. When casting a spell, a unicorn must produce a mental picture of the spell matrix which corresponds to the spell they wish to cast. These patterns can range in difficulty from the simple square inside of a circle for telekinesis to triangles and hexagrams overlapping a square surrounded by runes, these are only used for very advanced spells such as teleportation and transmutation. The only constant for any spell matrix is the circle in which all of the these shapes and diagrams are contained. However, the more complex a spell or spell matrix is, the more magic it would cost to cast such a spell. Which is why every unicorn's first lesson is to feel their magic and measure how much magic is there. All unicorns must know their limits before casting a spell so they are able to tell when a spell is beyond them.

All of this is fairly basic knowledge I thought to myself The only difference between this and my previous classes are the more advanced magic towards the end of the section. I shouldn't get ahead of myself though, there could be something unexpected in the later chapters.

I was most of the way through the chapter when I looked up from my book to see Twilight staring at me with an annoyed look on her face. She seemed to have been trying to get my attention, but I was too absorbed in my book to notice her attempts.

"You were mumbling to yourself while you were reading," she said irritably "It was very distracting, and even more annoying. Why were you mumbling anyway."

I felt my face heat up from embarrassment as I responded "It's something I do when I'm reading because it helps me remember. I've been doing that for so long I didn't even think about it." I was even more embarrassed to hear that my voice had gotten so quite that it was nearly unnoticeable. Another one of many nervous habits I've developed over the years. She didn't say anything and just continued to stare at me. Her unflinching gaze was starting to unnerve me and I instinctively fell back on one of my other nervous habits.

"I-I'm s-sorry i-if I bothered you," I stammered out meekly "I-I'll try t-to be q-quieter s-so I d-don't disturb y-you."

Upon hearing my quiet, stuttering voice she seemed to realize how unnerving she was being and her expression turned apologetic instead of irritated.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, you don't need to be upset."

After hearing that I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm myself before opening my eyes again.

"It's okay," I said in my normal soft voice "I, um, just get really uncomfortable when ponies stare at me."

That seemed to make her feel a little better, so she decided to steer the conversation in another direction.

"So, are you having any trouble understanding the chapter, this is an advanced class after all and you are a few years younger than all of the other students here."

I shook my head "Not really, this chapter is mostly basic information and not anything to difficult, although the more difficult stuff may be closer to the back of the book."

Hearing me be so dismissive about the complexity of Spell Matrices seemed to surprise her. The look at her face after my statement told me as much. Clearly she thought that because of my age I should still be learning the basic spells such as creating a light at the tip of my horn or fine-tuning my control in telekinesis. Both are things that I mastered quite some time ago.

After a moment of stunned silence she collected herself and said "That's actually quite impressive, learning such advanced spell work at such a young age. I was beginning to think I was the only in my year that could grasp these concepts." She actually sound genuinely impressed at my knowledge, unlike others I have met in the past. The fact that she was actually praising me caused my face to flush with embarrassment. I wasn't used to compliments.

"T-Thanks," I stuttered out "I've, um, always been fascinated with magic ever since I was little, and I spend most of my time r-reading every book I can on the subject." I had to cut myself short because I feared I might start rambling on again about magic and annoy Twilight. That was the last thing I wanted to do to someone I might have a chance at being friends with, but instead my comment made her look more excited.

"Really!?" she exclaimed in surprised, yet enthusiastic, voice. "I thought I was the only one in class who studied magic that much. Most of the other students here are satisfied learning just enough to barely pass, let alone do extra reading. And the fact that you are a few years younger than all of us is amazing," Twilight said admiringly "That reminds me, how old are you?"

It took me a few moments to respond. I was still reeling from hearing so much praise from a someone, usually I would get a noncommittal 'good job' which was just enough to show they acknowledged me yet were not paying attention at the same time. When I finally found my voice I replied "T-Thanks Twilight, I d-didn't know it w-was that remarkable, a-and to answer y-your question I'm t-twelve years old." My stutter was starting to become less pronounced the more I talked with Twilight. I may now have known her for very long but I feel like she can be trusted.

"I would have thought that you were ten not twelve," Twilight said taken aback "You are actually really small for your age, typically twelve year old fillies are around 4'7'' and I would put you at just under 4 feet."

My height was actually a sore point for me, despite my best efforts of eating a balanced diet and getting plenty of exercise I never seemed to grow any taller. Once I hit 4 feet tall two years ago, my body just stopped growing. Usually a comment like that would have upset me, but coming from Twilight I didn't feel upset at all. Her comment was genuinely curious without any malice behind it like I have become accustomed to over the years. However, that doesn't mean that I wasn't embarrassed about my height. I could feel my face begin to flush... again. Despite my embarrassment, I was actually enjoying my conversation with Twilight. Something about her presence just set me at ease, or maybe it was because she is the first person to ever take an interest in what I had to say. It may seem weird to others that I have come to trust her so much in such a short time, but to me it feels just right. I've always been able to read other ponies very well, another thing I picked up over the years, and from our brief albiet mostly one-sided conversation my readings are nothing but positive when it comes to Twilight Sparkle.

I was about to respond when the sound of the school bell alerted me to the fact that first period classes were over and it was time to change classrooms. When the bell stopped ringing, Twilight looked back over to me and said "We should probably get going if we want to avoid the crowds and get to class on time. The Vice-Principal told me that we had all the same classes so you can just follow me and I'll show you to all of the classes."

She then began putting all of her school supplies back into her bag, and I took that as my queue to do the same. A few moments later and I was following her down a crowded hallway towards out next class. It seemed like she was heading directly to the classroom instead of stopping at her locker like all the other students were. It wasn't until we turned down an abandoned hallway that she spoke again.

"Do you want to meet up after school?" She said this very quickly and before I could respond she continued "I mean, I can tutor you and make sure you catch up with the rest of the class. It's already three months into the school year and I don't want you to fall behind and also.." She paused for a moment as if in thought and then she added quietly "I actually had fun talking to you today and I thought we could maybe be friends."

I was stunned. Few ponies had actually told me they liked talking to me, and nobody had ever wanted to be my friend before. For a few moments we just walked in silence before I finally was able to overcome my shock and get my voice to say the words.

"I'd love to be your friend Twilight."