[CR DD&AH] 30Min Writing Challenge #2

by DerpTime

Rating: mature
Tags: Random
Length: 3759

Celestia Radio 30Min Writing Challenge #2

Drunken Debauchery and Art Hour
Presents: 30Min Writing Challenge #2
Original Air Date: August 14, 2014 [Please note this is pre-Sunset's redemption in the eyes of the fandom]

Required items for these challenge are:
Rainbow Dash
Sunset shimmer
A Plunger
The 80s

All stories were written on-air live over 30mins
In one Google doc, editing and corrections of any kind were forbidden.
They are completely terrible, hard to read, and lack any thing that could be mistaken for a plot.
Celestia Radio holds no responsibility for lives, minds, or cannons ruin or destroyed by reading these fics.
[You have been warned]

Enjoy and tune it to Celestia Radio for more randomness.
Drunken Debauchery and Art Hour is preformed live every Thursday at midnight Eastern time

Audio: Coming Soon

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-26 23:42:19 UTC

[Cinnabar] Untitled

The sky was darkened with bombers filling the american sky above. Its once blue endless ocean was now aluminum and black with the exhaust of quad engine smoke. Rainbow Dash was on the ground looking up at americas final fate. Ron Paul was waiting for everybody to get in the bunker under ground, red lights reading ‘It’s Happening’ flashed on the under ground walls that lead to the bunker clearing. The new United socialist soviet russians that colapsed in the 1980’s were fighting back western agression full force with this un-suprising attack. Lets be honest we all saw this coming. Ron paul grabbed the rest of the ponies and hid them well, there were no rooms for unicorns or pegasai. Twilight Sparkle who was still above ground was running and trampling everything in the streets. This was the end, her things were packed, her friends were presumed to be in the bunker or dead, Rainbow dash was a cunt still, and she in her midst of running had been trampling the love letters and gifts Trixie and Sunset shimmer had sent to her. The russian eclipse was closer, the bunker was locked, the dirty tiny unicorns and ruffled feathered pegasai were all going to die and it was because Ron Paul’s favorite pony was apple jack. As soon as the darkness was over the american and teleported in pony town the last of the light of the sun had been taken up. But it was not what Twilight thought it was, with a shreek of terror she had accepted her death and was a peace untill a god like voice spoke. “Initiating directive seven, three, nine five! Destroy all communists!” Twilight opened her eyes slowly to see a giant robot who was steaming with patriotism all over. It took a step forward and crushed fluttershy to death, her blood and guts smashing every where under the large foot of the 5 story tall robot. “Liberty Prime is online!” The god like voice said and a lazer bursted into the air, cyan and white, cutting each bomber down out of the sky with one fatal sweep of energy. Liberty primes job had been filled. The robot lifted its leg up and used a regular sized plunger which was very small pinched in his matalic fingers and scraped worst pony off his giant metal shoe.”Communism is a lie” The giant said peeling the piss colored flappy shit horse that i hate off and left as soon as it came, victorious.

AMERICA FUCK YEAH.

[Krazen-Chan™] King of the kittens

Miss Rainbow “Danger” Dash awoke one morning to finde <- OLAY! a small note had been left on her bedsite ….. by her late night lover. Se picked it up being careful to hold it far enough away from yher face she could make it out. The letter read “ if you want your lead pony badge back the you need to come to the shagbag this evening at 18:00” Rainbow stood quickly upset by the trechery that thad taken place. She had just been awarded the honor or “INTERNATIONAL MARE OF MYSTERY” and had taken the wheel of a world of danger, and spoying which she knew all too well. This was her lead pony badge, and by celestia she was going to get it )(and get a shag in of course)

That night she went down to ri.. where she was told to meet. The Shagbag er some shit.  she walked in and was flanked (heh) by her regulr escorts who she had to (sadley) turn down… for now that is. She walked down to the bar and ordered a drink. After a few minutes the same mare as the night before andwho had stolen her badge came to sit alongside her. Neither made eye contcat for a while. Finnally dash looked over and gave a sirk-frown.. ouch and said quietly “That wasn’t very grroooovy baby.. no”  The other mare looked back to her. “Pfft, like I had a choice. After last night all I wanted was another go-around oin the morinin.” she siged “Sadley I had a job to do. and I always do my hjob. (Sorry made a period joke) ...not here… just nvm)) “Job?” dash replied. “Yeah, That Dr.ShitSunSoyShimmerbitch hired me to do it.” She smiled “ You ain’t gonna hold a grudge are ya babby?” just about as dash was going to reply a small dart hit the late night mare in the fucking face killing her instantly. dashed turned o just barley made out the whipping of a firey tale.

Rainbow dash climbs the stairs and follwos in daring puruist (no one is going to take her lead pony badge.) She turned a corner to find am … er shitshitstormtits sitting in small pod holding a puffy white cat in her hoovs. Rainbow spoke loudly “We meet once again Dr.EvalBitchSimmersHotSunnyDays GIVE ME MY BADGE” Sum1shitsGlitter sirks lightly. “I do not think so. She presses a small button and the poid begins to get lifted into the ceiling and off. Halfway up it gets stuck so she pulls out a plunger and begins smacking the shit up and… well I guess it works beceause it starts rising. As she is falling into the ceiling. “If you want it you are gonna have to come get it. in the future… well in 10 years.. mid 1980s… I will get bored if I am gone too long. She minaiacly laghts as her body dissappears. Dash runs outside in time to shee a giant mare burger stature get lifted into the sky. Untile next time

SINCE I DID NOT GET THE CHANCE LAST TIME!!!

YOU HAVE TO READ THIS

Meow mix song…

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meowmeow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow  meow meow meow meow meow mewo emwoBLARGH… ALL HAIL KAT GOD KRAZEN-ChAn.

Also…. take note…… That asia… is better than mexican cinnbar.

Final Note…. you must read this Derptime

“Wh3n1Wasalitt13fillyandth3sonwasgoindownth3darknessandtheshadowstheywouldalwaysmakemefrwon”

Hope you all enjoyed.

                  hobody enjoyed that peice of shit. -cinnabar

[squirrel] Untitled

Hey sunshit shimmer!” said dash, walking ino school one day. “like what up yo?” said sunset, doing her best 80’s impression for 1980’s day. Dash replies “Pinkie clogged up the toilet in the girls bathroom again with her giant glitter can. I need help getting it out.” sunset says” like ewwww guh, that pinki bitch. so grody……..” dash roolls her eyes “whaatev’s. just help me “. Sunset walks into the bathroom with dash, grabbing a plunger. sunset”ugh, here ill plunge it down” dash (under her breath) Ill plunge -you- down after this….. “ “what was that?” asked sunset. “nothing!” said dash, just clean that up already, flafflle judus….” sunset replied with “ugh…….whateves” and she plungered the mess down. MY GLITTER!!!!! “ PINKIE SCREAMED at the top of her tiny lungs, cracking windows in the whole building. She instantly went pinkanina mode on both of them. “you two 80’s talking bozo biyches!! you know HOW MUCHglitter I had in there!? millileters! thats atleast $2 worth! its fuicking on! “ she takes a shard from one of the cracked windows and using it likes a knife lunges at the two girls. “whoah!” says dash. chill the chili beans out pinkie!” “like yaaaarg seriously, like take some like meds like you know? like go- “ pinkie silences sunshit shimmer with the glass shard then drops it, smiling at dash and holds her hand. “ahhhhh…..that s better! ^_^ that totally made the chat happy since sunsets such a dumb villian anyway! wanna help me hide thwe body dashie? -hugs her- “well, I gots me this plunger…….yo……” dashie replies. With great effort, the two flush sunsetshimmers body down the toilet. pinkie says “wow dash, you’re -really good- at flushing bodies down toilets :D” “lol” says dash “I did this to that flash brad guy a few days ago after he kept trying to serenade me at my woindow. dosent…...er didnt he know that im a total dyke? fuuuck” “ooooohh true dat holmes” a happy pionkie replied. you like rubbing kitties as much as me -hugs-” . dash giggled as the two walked out of the bathroom, both humming a toon “wheel in the sky keeps on tuurnin, and I dont know which way Itll be tomooorrooow” “holy 21 jigawatts :O” pinkie said. “is that principal celestia and vice principal luna holding hands?! Sure enough, they were holding hands, being all romantic and shit. “hang on, I got this….” dash said, throwing the plunger. “hey authority figures! “ both turn around and the plunger lands inbetween celestias legs, stuck to her crotch. “hahaha! plunger penis! plunger penis!” giggled pinkie as celestia wiggles the plungers handle  like a wooden wang of wrongmess. celestia and luna look at eachother then decided something “well, weve used worse” said luna as they started rubbing kitties, with celestia using the handle  pet and brush luna’s kitty happily. Dash and pinkie just stare in confused delight. dash” you thinking what Im thinking?” “I think so dash, but where are we gonna find corpses for the ritual?” dash says”no you dolt, we need to end the story like yo” pinkie nods in agreement. “yeah we totally should. hey derptime, is our time up yet? it is? awww I wanted to do more plunger jokes, like that one thing you do, when you get a rat stuck in the sink, and you reeeeeeeaaally gotta use iut to shove it outta there” dash says “pppssst, I used to teabag womp rats at home in my old 82 tiefight,aint no big thang. “true dat holmes “ said pinkie as they rubbed kitties together happily, and cuddle up happily.

[crossfiction] Untitled

it was late in the morning, the blue pegasus know as Rainbow Dash flew don from her cloud house just above ponyville to visit her gay-I-I MEAN Best friend Applejack. noticeing it was a nice day and everything she dceited to take it slow just this once. She would usually  time herself to see how fast she could get to the Apple Family farm(10 seconds of horse) but like she said “I think I’ll take it easy, just this once.”  while she was  enjoying  the nice day she heard something...odd she couldn’t put her hoof on it but it was in a rymtheic melody and quite catchy.

“Been Workin’! So hard I punch in my card Eight hours for what? OH tell me what I got?”

the song was very appeling to RD and wanted to know where it was coming form so she decited to skip on a afternooner with AJ to find out where this….Good Song was. she went to Twlight’s castle but only found that she was beading herself in her sleeping chambers. she went to Sugar Cubed Cornor to see if that song was there but only found Mr. & Mrs. Cake 69’ing  whlie pinkie pie was watching the twins. then, she reallized it was coming form the edge of the Everfree forest so she when there, noticeing the music  was much louder and finally after landing and brushing away some bushes found a sight she couldn’t beleve. Sunset Shimmer danceing in leather jacket with something attached to her hooves and danceing to the song know as

“Tonight you gotta cut loose! Footloose! Kick off your sunday shoes! Geez louise!  Pull me off of my Knees!”

with a plunger…..up her Va-Jay-Jay. and a much as Rainbow dash and the entire fandom hates her….she decided to join in some dancing sex….the end.

[DGB магия] Untitled

Vinyle walked into the empty apartment one night after a short set at mustang sallys bar and grill. Tired and smelling of beer and sweat, she layed on the couch, head still ringing from the amplifiers. “That… Was awesome.” She said allowed thinking of the crowd and all the mares she’d impressed. “I should have asked that one girl out.” She sighed thinking of the lonely night ahead. Still it was an awesome show. She went to the fridge and pulled out a cold one, popped the top and started to down it.

*Bang Bang Bang* a knock came from the door. “Yep!” She yelled “The doors open” She looked out her window waiting for whomever to come in. The too cool for school kinda looking away. The door flew open and a grey mare came inside. “Um hi!” she said a little shy but with excitment in her voice. “Im sorry to intrude but i wanted to talk to you after the show but you headed off so fast and before i knew it id followed you home and.. wow is this your apartment?” VInyle turned around and saw, her. The mare she had wanted to ask out at the bar. “Um hey!” SHe said blushing a little. “Um yea no its totally fine and uuh yes this is my appartment” She was a little surprissed and flustered. “so uh what did you wanna talk about?” the grey mare spoke “Well my name is octavia and i … wel uh i just wanted to see how you made your music.” she looked away “Its totally rad! ive never heard anything like it!” Vinyle replied with a smile “oh you like that! its this mnu music im working on its called screatch1” she walked closedr and put her hand on octacivias shoulder “One day i think it will rule the orl d of music but for now we can listen to motely whooves and maretalica…” She looked down a littl e smirk on her face nowing that she wcould never be as good as them “i think your way better than those jokers. You have so much more.. class” said octavia. vInyle looke at ovctavia and looke d into her eyes and said “ wow you think so?!” “I know so… Would you mind if i played you something?” Said ovctavia blucshing a liitlle. “Yea sure!” “Great! but first. i need to uph fresshen up.” Vinyle noticed that octavcia had started to dance in the middle of her foror , the potty dance”Ohe yea its in the hall to the left.” “Thanks” Octavia went over to the door and walked in, about twenty minsj later vinyle had started to wonder what was up. “Hey octavia?” VInly siad thorugh the door. “Are you ok?” Nor responce . she didnt wait “Im coming in” Vinly bust though the door and swa well the most unsusul site she had witnessed in her batthroom. Octacvia had passed out on the foloor with a plunger inbeteeen her legs and toilet paper in her mouth. it was odd, but somthing seemed even odder. the shower had a windo at the top and it was open. and there layed a blue mare in the tub!

“what the hell?” Said octavia the blue mare woke up “oh hey vinlye!” Said rainbow dash “Sorry i couildnt find the door and this hot chick was passed out in the bath so i decided to have a little fun” She grinned and pointed at octavia. Suddenly Sunset shimmer dashed into the room and screamed harlem shake and they were covered in magic Octavia woke from her slumber and immediatly shoved the plunger up her twat as vinlye started to go down on rainbowdash. sunset shimmer sat on octavias face and procedded to scream “SHAKE DAT ASS! VINLYE SPIN THAT SHIT!” and vinly started to wub rainbowdashes clitterous. “OH YEA UH UH UH! DROP THAT SHIT!”

THey fucked all night. The next day vinly woke up and found a tape recorder in the bathroom along wiht three bare ass mares. The samples on that recorder helped shape dubstep as we know it today…. your welcome bitches WUB WUB WUB!

[sporkbacon] Untitled

And then they did it with a plunger in the nineteen-eighties.  They, being Rainbow Dash and Sunset Shimmer.

The end.

[chef-] NSFW NSFW NSFW Unless you are 4 chan

FUCK THIS SHIT I HATE THE 1980’s!!!

Rainbowdash and sunset shimmer were talkingt o each other beacause who the fuck nos why. a plunger walked threw the fucking doors saying: DAM YOUR ULGY. This pissed off the two dumb shitponys and retorted : Shut the fuck UP!!!. which then ticked off the sentiant plunger, further insulting the two ponys: i oughta break a broom handle off in your ass!  Then hank hill came bursting from the floor boards attempting to calm the situation:

Whats the point in arguring?

plunger replied: blow it out your ass!

hank irritated with this odd toilet plunger muttered:  i got the strangest feeling someones going to kick his ass…

They all started glaring at each other until a delek screaming:  EXTERMINATE!!!

Then they started fucking each other in the assholes/exsaust ports. Why you might ask? beacuase they assked for ti thats why i will start really typing bad soon so get readysf…

the plundger turned into duke nukem (shocker!!!) and sunset and rainbow dash morphed into samual jackson (wow!) and then started to place there huge cocks next to hank hills ask, nervoucsly he said : uh  well i gueess…

They then started beating his ass cheeks with there huge black and white dicks, knowing he has no ass so this is super enbarrising.  duke then killed him with a ball sack to hanks head saying: i got balls of steal!

then something from the fucking 1980’s happened… just to get that outa the way…

samual jackson then relised they were surronded by snakes on a plane and said the most obvious thing you could think :(say tired of snakes)

duke then killed all the snakes by blowing his load all over the plane say : dam im good!

duke also said to the writers: get back to work slackers, then we all returned to the show and looked at how bad this fuck was……….

cinnibun also said what to sam causing him to scream (say what again) and then i bull shit and play more sound boards...

[DerpTime] Time to Flush

President Sunset shimmer paced back and forwarth in her oval office. “Today’s the day…”, she said with a scowl on her face. it as only a mater of time before celestias army started droping the bombs. Her and that goodie goodie twilight, and those other dam elemet bearers would be attacking soon. if only she could have proveted this. she buzzed he secrectary.

“Coco send in my cheif of the science.”

“Right a way, mistress.” said the timid voice on the other end.

Moments latter a white haired bi-specaled gray colt walked in. he seemed exited, and this only ticked off sunset.

“Do you know what is happening out there?” her loud, steren voice seemed to remove his chiper deminer. “War, on our very whay of life” she rose and went to the window. “celestia and here element bearers, there must be a way to neutralize them.”

she turn to the grey earth pony.

a moment passed and he realized it was his time to speek up. the wheels spun in his mind tring to think of something any thing.Bill niegh finally broke the silence, “We remove the elemet bearers form the picture.” his face stern.

“How? there is no way to get to them”she yelled

“we kill one of them be fore they be come a bearer”

sunset raised an eyebrow “How”

“Time travel. or rather a time flush.”

he walk to her desk, “coco can you bring in the case i left out there?”

“right away” came the voice over the intercom

moments later coco pomel entered with a small suit case.

she laid the case on the desk and opened it

“this.”

“This?”

“yes”

***

*play old intro*

“my little pony, my little pony.”

It was another wonderful day in eqestria, bird sang songs and ponys frolected in fornt of the pink castle.

1980s randbowdash aka firefly flew around singing.

“my little pony, my little…. what?” she stoped when and staired, a wall of water stood in front of her, the loud flushing sound was defining. the SHE a orange pony caring a plunger in one hoof and a shotgun in the other steped out.

“Hello Rainbow dash.”

*Bang*

“good bye rainbowdash”

[ogerllord maxin] Untitled

One day in the summer of 83 Rainbow dash was having one of the greatest days she had ever had. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the porthole of blood was leaking nicly. “Man I really love the bloody prothole.” rainbow dahs yelled out as if she was hit in the head with a brick. Suddenlly she heard a sound that she had never heard before. I was like the sound that a cat would make after sex. She quickly turned around and coming out of the porthole was a big, blood covered, swirly sucker with her name on it. She thought to herself “Man that thing look WAY past cool!” So she did what any pegapony would do….She reached out and grabed it. To her suprise she was pulled into the bleeding porthole. The pony leg connected to the sucker stretched farther and farther into the vortex of blood she was being pulled into. She at the time saw everything she had ever done forming around her covered in blood. Then with the speed of a lion in heat everything went black.

    Rainbow dash woke up to the sound of screams. She slowly opened her eyes to find herself….In candy land! He jaw dropped to the chocolate ground. “I don’t beleave this! It’s like Pinkie pies dream town or something!” She looked around to see if there was any pony else here. She saw no pony other then one standing over by a snickers bus wringing her hands together.(yes her hooves turned into hands) “Hello?” Rainbow dash called out. The pony slowly looked you in the face rainbow dash. She looked right into your face. It was the EVIL and hated Sunset Shimmer! She looked down and on the ground was a plundger. IT was not just any plunger….it was the plunger on destiny. They both looked up at one another and begain to run toward it. They got closer and closer racing to get the PLUNGER OF DESTINY! When out of nowhere right as they both got to about three feet of the plunger pinkie pie poofed infrunt of them. “HEY DASHIE! NOT YOU WILL DIE!” She giggled.

    Rainbow dash was tossing and turning in her cloud beed when everyponies favorite pony slowly flowted threw her floor. She looked dow and whispered in her ear……”cup cakes”

                                                                   THE END

doger fagget