I Die at the End

It's been a week.

It feels like it's been longer.

I stay in bed all day, doing nothing.

Don't want to anger the unicorn.

That would be bad.

Might get hurt again.

...

I should feel like I should need to use the bathroom by now.

I don't.

Which is strange.

Stranger than your sister trying to stab you.

Or smothering her back.

Or being locked up.

Or being interrogated and tested on for THREE FUCKING YEARS!

Or not dying from a supposedly lethal injection.

...

The unicorn's name is Night Light.

She introduced herself.

I'm still not sure why.

I'm not staying here any longer than I have to.

The pegasus is Ditzy Doo.

She has a daughter, Dinky.

And a husband, Timeturner Whooves.

He has a doctorate in Theoretical Physics, Physics, and Mechanical Engineering.

He builds clocks.

Ditzy gives other ponies mail.

What a dick move, giving bills to ponies she doesn't even know.

Ditzy talks to me alot.

I'm not sure why I listen.

Not sure why she talks.

Why I'm here, and not in a padded cell or on an examination table.

I'm not sure of many things.

I here hoofsteps outside.

Hmm...

Hoofsteps...

That doesn't quite sound right.

Even if it makes more sense than "footsteps."

Night Light comes into my room.

Heh.

My room.

It's a cell, even if it doesn't have the pads or reinforced door.

She looks worried.

Mares do scary things when they're worried.

Like try to kill other ponies.

"He's right in here, ma'am."

Oh, a figure of higher status.

How interesting.

We never get those around here.

...Wait, "we?"

A tall, white pony strides in.

I look at her horn.

I look at her wings.

I look at her multi colored mane, flowing in an ethereal wind.

I look at her eyes.

She's staring at mine.

She's a Princess.

Considered by some to be the Princess.

Why don't some ponies like Luna?

Sure, she went on a little rampage a couple years back, but she did her time.

Repented for her crimes.

Was reformed.

Changed.

Princess Celestia is still staring at me.

Have either of us blinked yet?

"Miss Light, may I please speak with Mister Sunshine in private?"

She's still staring.

She has pretty eyes.

I wonder if anyone has told her that before?

"O-of course, Princess," Night Light says hastily, leaving the room.

The door closes.

Celestia is still staring.

It's kinda creepy.

She breaks her gaze on me, moving to the window.

I blink when she's not looking.

Her back is turned to me as she looks out the window.

Nice butt.

Shame it's attached to a mare that's thousands of years old and would probably turn me to stone if I told her what a nice butt it was.

"Do you know why you are here, Mister Sunshine?"

Ooh, yes-or-no questions!

Those are no fun.

"No," my mouth says.

"Do you know where you are?"

"No."

"Why did you kill your sister?"

Ooh, now a good question!

A question that requires...

Oh, who am I kidding.

I've been asked this question far too many times.

"Because she tried to kill me."

"Would you do it again?"

...That one's new.

That one requires some thought.

A debate over the moralities of-

You know what?

Fuck it.

"Yes."

Who cares about morality?

She tried to kill me.

I was just better at it than she was.

Celestia nods her head thoughtfully.

"There is something I'd like to ask you."

You mean, other than the other questions?

Damn, mare, you're worse than one of the psycholo-

"Can you kill somepony for me?"

...

WHAT THE SHIT, PRINCESS?!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE AGAINST THE DEATH PENALTY!

WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT?!

"Why?" my mouth says.

NOT THAT I'M AGAINST THE WHOLE "DEATH IF THEY DESERVE IT" THING, BUT DAMN!

"There's somepony out their who's hurting my little ponies," the princess said gravely as she turned toward me.

That didn't sound like some strange product placement.

Nope.

Not one bit.

"I need you to find the whoever, or whatever, is doing this, and put a stop to it."

Well, that's not cryptic at all.

Nope.

Not one bit.

Then something occurs to me.

"Why?"

She seems taken aback.

"Why?" she repeats.

You're not a parrot.

Don't go repeating what I say.

Even if you kinda look like a parrot.

Except for the butt.

One hundred percent very nice pony butt.

I'm getting off track.

"Why can't you do it?" my mouth asks.

She's silent for a minute, staring at me.

...Fifty nine alligator...

...Sixty alligator...

...Sixty one alli-

"Because I can't."

That took a while.

"I can't find whomever is doing this to my little ponies,-"

Not product placement.

Nope.

Not one bit.

"-and even if I could, no punishment I would give would be enough to forgive that pony his or her crimes."

Good job for including both genders.

Top marks.

"So, let me get this straight," my mouth says.

"Not even being turned to stone or banishment to the moon is punishment enough for the crimes a mortal pony has done?"

Good one, mouth.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

"Not for what this pony has done."

Again, that's not cryptic at all.

Nope.

Not one bit.

She has pretty eyes.

Not in the sense that a mare in makeup is pretty.

She knows things that would make a pony go mad.

Those are the eyes of those who have killed.

Who want to kill again.

Who can't.

Or won't, whichever the case may be.

But I can.

"So I find whoever, or whatever, is 'hurting' the citizens of Equestria, and put a permanent stop to a temporary, if long-winded, problem. What's in it for me?"

Would the act of helping ponies by killing be enough for me?

Would that satisfy the itch in my hooves to end the lives of those around me?

"A clean slate."

Well.

That's not underwhelming at all.

Nope.

Not one bit.

"And a job, working for the Equestrian government in matters that may require your skills."

So, being paid to kill criminals?

Is that morally just?

...Oh, who am I kidding.

"I accept," my mouth says.

Celestia smiles at me.

I don't like that smile.

It's the smile of someone getting exactly what they wanted.

And what they expected to get.

Her eyes aren't so pretty anymore.