A hard lesson

by Kanske_2099

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 6094

Twilight Sparkle; gets sick. She decides to keep it a secret to not put stress over any of her friends.

This story takes place before and ends after "Magical Mystery Cure" (somehow).
It revolves around Twilight Sparkle, one day she feels a little odd, and that odity becomes pain, that pain escalates untill the purple unicorn needs to see the doctor. Starts off after she knows about her mysterious disease.
The whole thing happens in Ponyville, and a brief travel to Canterlot to visit her family just in case it is her last.

Special thanks to my editor : Derpy Defense Force

This story is just an experiment on writing, i had a personal experience about this subject (a sick person, who doesn't tell their friends, and tries to still be there for them and his/her family) .

I decided to put an oc there, but don't worry there is no romance in here, it would be bad taste to just match any cannon character i like with my oc ... this is not that kind of story

Published 2014-08-16 04:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-30 08:39:06 UTC

1. The begining of the end

Chapter one: The Beginning of the End

It was a Sunday morning. Twilight yawned, stretching her hooves, and walked slowly to the window to see the blue and clear sky.

What a beautiful day, she thought, then proceeded to walk downstairs, where her dragon assistant had already made a delicious breakfast.

"Twilight, what happened to you? It's almost ten in the morning!" Spike asked, surprised.

"Just up late, Spike," Twilight said in a calm voice. "Besides, we don't have much to do today, so we should be fine," she added with a unconcerned looked on her face.

"Oh, ok. Guess we should start by eating a good breakfast then," the dragon said with a grin.

The two sat down and ate quietly, Spike shooting concerned looks at Twilight. She's probably just tired, he thought.

After breakfast, Twilight decided to give the library a thorough check to keep everything in order. She saw a Daring Doo book in the "Magic and Potions" category, sighed, then levitated it out and put it in its proper place. Satisfied, she turned and nearly tripped on another book that was carelessly left on the floor. Introduction to Magic: Fillies and Colts Edition.

"I should give that to Sweetie Bell, before... before anything bad happens," Twilight said to herself while looking down, staring at the book.

"Are you alright Twilight? " asked Spike.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered with a fake smile.

Later on the afternoon, Twilight received a letter from Pinkie Pie inviting her to yet another party.

Twilight frowned. "Another party..." She muttered and read the letter

Dear Twilight Sparkle, you are officially invited to the "45 days 'till my birthday" party. It will be held this Friday, starting at 6 on the afternoon.

Sincerely yours,

Pinkie Pie

Twilight grinned slightly, a single tear rolling down her cheek. Looking at the letter, she decided to go to the party. She should be there with her friends, for as much time as possible. After all, she couldn't see the future. The only thing she could think about were the words forever repeating in her head. Tumor... Growing... Inoperable...

It was a few weeks back, after she got back from the Crystal Empire. Everything had been going great until she started feeling a little sick and dizzy. She convinced herself that it was something she ate, and so would be better in the next morning.

She was wrong. Twilight woke up earlier than usual, her stomach feeling like she drank a lot of cider, then she ran to the bathroom and threw up. Her friends were coming over that day, so Twilight had to be in good condition. She went to her room, look through the drawer and found pills for stomach sickness.

"This ought to do it,” she said to herself.

And it did. She felt fine most of the day. Then her friends came over. First was Pinkie Pie, and a box with lots of cupcakes. Then Rainbow Dash came flying through, almost taking Twilight with her into the wall. Of course, just as that happened, Derpy was flying by and decided to try Rainbow's entrance herself. It went as well as expected; she crashed against the top of the doorframe.

"Whoowee, that had ta hurt," a southern accent was heard. "Are yah alright, sugarcube?" the mare asked.

"Ouch...” Derpy moaned. “Hi Applejack. I'm fine... I just don't know what went wrong," the wounded mare said as she rubbed her face.

“You sure you're alright?” Twilight inquired.

"It hurts, but yes, I'm ok, " the cross-eyed mare answered.

"Oh thank Celestia! My muffins are safe!" Derpy showed off her (copyrighted) 'Tastiest and Healthiest Muffins ever'. "I wouldn't want them to get destroyed before you give it a try.”

They all started talking, Rainbow schooled Derpy on her awful attempt at that move, while Pinkie and Applejack were just joking and giggling. Twilight levitated a table over to them and placed the drinks and the baked goods her friends brought onto it. They all sat down and grabbed
some cupcakes and juice. Twilight looked at the sweet, sweet cupcakes , but thought they were too much, so she opted for a wheat germ muffin because it would be better for her stomach.

"Wow! These are delicious Derpy," she said, taking another bite.

"I knew you'd like them! It's my own recipe," Derpy answered, proud of her abilities.

Time flew by, and the group ate most of the cupcakes and muffins.

"You know... We should save some of these for Fluttershy and Rarity..." Rainbow suggested

"Ah'm sure that's just because you can eat no more, " Applejack teased.

"Well... maybe..." Dash said, trying to eat just one more.

And then it happened. Twilight's stomach heaved, causing her to feel sick once more. She rushed upstairs to the bathroom, and promptly threw up. A few moments later, she felt well enough to go back and see the others.

"Uhmm.. are you alright Twilight?"Pinkie asked as the purple mare poured herself a glass of juice.

"No... No, I'm not. I think I may be coming down with something, but I don't know what." the purple pony confessed.

“That's not good,” Rainbow commented.

"I think I should go see a doctor," Twilight stated. They all gasped and frowned at the sentence.

"If you think it's that bad, then let's go!” Applejack got to her feet, urgency evident in her voice.

"Wait a second, it's not that bad. Don't worry; I'll go tomorrow, I promise. Right now, I just need some rest," Twilight said.

"Fair enough, but if you don´t go I'll come to take you myself," Rainbow Dash yelled at her.

The next day, Twilight did her usual chores around the library and then went for a consultation with Ponyville's doctor. She arrived and explained her symptoms. The doctor thought it was nothing really bad, but he still asked the nurse to take some blood for a couple tests. He gave her some medicine and made an appointment for the next week to follow up.

So she waited, and felt good for a few days. She told her friends it was nothing bad and she would be fine with the medication in no time. ...Or so she thought. The next afternoon, when Spike was out helping Rarity, she felt a little dizzy, then going down the stairs, she passed out, fell down the stairs, landed facing the door.

Two hours passed. The sound of a hoof knocking on the door was what woke her up. She felt the world spinning fast around her, then suddenly stopping. Her mane was a mess, and her nose had some blood on it. She used a little spell to make her look better and gathered up the energy to go to the door.

A brown earth pony with a spiked dark red coloured mane, slightly taller that Twilight, with big and pretty purple eyes, who had a message for her.

"Hmm Miss Twilight , good morning. I am Brave Runner. Dr. Stable sent me to give you the results on your tests," he stallion said, holding out an envelope.

She grabbed the envelope and opened it nervously. A chill ran down her spine. She was no medical expert but she was smart, and she knew those results weren't normal. She needed to go again soon, as the doctor advised on the letter. As soon as possible.

"Oh no, I have to go now!," said Twilight, running around in her library, then stared at the stallion. "Oh, I'm sorry... Thank you for your troubles," Twilight apologized, blushing a little.

"No problem miss, I think that's all for now. I have to go," explained Brave with an empty expression, turned around and started walking.

"Well, alright... Thanks again, bye.” Twilight stared at him some more, worried.

Is he... That cutie mark looks like... She looked at his flank, an art palette. Shaking her head, she left the library. I don't have time for this; I'm just distracted. She ran to the hospital.

After waiting for Dr. Stable to finish with his patient, she explained what had happened.

“I'm worried. Ponies don't just pass out randomly.” Twilight said.

"I was afraid of that.” Stable said. “It means that there is a problem in your brain. I've called a friend of mine, and he'll perform more tests and take special care of you. Least we can do, with how many times you've saved us. We're taking special measures for you.”

Hours passed and tests were performed. Twilight sat in the waiting room, staring at the ceiling. Those hours felt like days, and she didn't want to call any of her friends. They would worry too much.

Everything will be fine. Just fine... she thought. She was trying to rationalize her fears; she had to be fine, for her friends, for her land. There is no way such powerful unicorn and bearer of the element of Magic could get sick. No, something must be going wrong. She just needed some rest, a vacation. Something.

She fell asleep on the chairs, and less than an hour later she woke up. The two doctors stood in front of her, sad and worried expressions on their muzzles.

"What's wrong? How... I mean... What are the results?" she inquired.

"It doesn't look good. The dizziness and nausea were the result of a small tumor in your brain. Very small but it's growing, and is in a almost completely inaccessible, not to mention dangerous, part of your brain, so it's inoperable."

Twilight's heart stopped for a second, then began to beat faster and faster. She could only see the floor. A never ending chill swept through her, making her ice-cold. She couldn't believe those words. She could feel her hind legs trembling as she tried to retain her tears. She closed hard her eyes as she saw the wonderful life she have had, how everything had changed after she had arrived in Ponyville.

The doctors were still talking but she wasn't listening anymore.

"Twilight!" Dr. Stable yelled, getting her attention. "There could still be a chance! We'll just wait a few days and run the tests again to see how it develops. Meanwhile , this medication should suppress the symptoms while we find a solution, " he handed Twilight some pills.

She didn't answer. She was too shocked and couldn't think of anything to ask or say. She was just told her life was in danger, that their family and friends will suffer, and that soon she would be nothing.

She left the hospital, walking down the street to a park and sat on a bench, watching the sky...

Author's Note

UPDATE: Edited by Derpy Defense Force.
I think it looks 20% cooler

2. The trip

Chapter 2: The Trip

Rainbow Dash was riding the wind, fast but simultaneously gracious and with an almost perfect shape.

“She is so magnificent,” Twilight thought, looking at the figure that appear on the sky. But even with the beautiful and complex pattern that appeared from the rainbow trail, it looked like she was searching for something or… somepony.

“Twilight!” yelled Rainbow Dash as she nosediving towards her friend. “There you are! I saw you earlier near the hospital but I was too busy working,” said the colorful Pegasus. “So? How do you feel? You are getting better, right?”

“Yeah, the doctor was just making sure everything was ok. I am better now.”

“Hundred percent sure? “ Rainbow asked, raising an eyebrow.

Twilight, trying to make a believable smile, replied, “Yes Rainbow, I wouldn’t lie to a friend. You know that”

“You better not. So, what are you doing here then?” inquired Dash.

“Umm... I was just enjoying a day off. I have to travel to Canterlot tomorrow, so I decided to take a break.”

“Alright. I have stuff to take care of, see you around.“ Rainbow Dash flew off.

“That was one of the hardest thing I've ever done,” Twilight said to herself, trotting to her home.

Spike was waiting for her.

“Where have you been all day?” Spike asked.

Twilight didn’t answer, she just approached him, placed both hooves on his shoulders, and wrapped around him in a tight and loving hug.

“You are the best assistant anypony could ask for,” her voice almost faltered. Almost.

Spike looked at her, confused. She had a big smile and a small tear in one eye. He knew it was better not to ask and just return the hug.

“Thank you, Twilight. I'm glad to be here with you,” he said.

Twilight trotted upstairs and decided to pack some stuff in a saddlebag for the trip in the morning.

She also grabbed her pills and swallowed some. “Everything should be ok,” she muttered.

She finished packing, called Spike, and prepared their beds.

Spike looked worried, but chose not to make a big deal. Twilight looked at him again, tucked him in, and before going to her bed, kissed him gently on the forehead. Twilight climbed into bed, her thoughts in turmoil.

The sun rose, thanks to Celestia. Twilight woke up, feeling the light on her face. She stood up and decide not to wake up Spike, she only leaves a note saying he should go and help Rarity on whatever she could need.

That should keep him busy

Later, at the train station, she had an awful thought. Could this be the last time I see my family?

She thought about how everything was doomed, that she wouldn't be able to see her friends, her loving brother, her parents or Princess Celestia, the one pony that saw her potential and the one who sent her to Ponyville, where she found the magic of friendship.

She felt like she was betraying her friends by not telling them, but she knew it was for the best.

She looked around the station, hoping for a distraction. Ponies waiting for the train greeted her eyes. Glancing towards the ticket office, a pony caught her eye. The same pony that delivered doctor’s message for her.

Her eyes widened as numerous images passed through her head, images of that same pony,but as a little colt. A smile formed on her face.

She trotted to him, a conversation with him could drive her mind away from that horrible truth... Or at the very least, distract her a little.

“Hello Dark,” she approach to him.

“Uh... I'm sorry?”

“Yeah, I remember you now. I mean it’s been years, but I even remembered your nickname!” she said, smiling at him.

“Wait, Twilight? It has been years! Wow, that’s weird. And I prefer my real name now. I’m not a colt anymore.” He answered, looking at her in an odd way. “Do you remember my real name?”

“Of course. Brave. So, where are you going ?” Twilight asked.

“I’m going back home to Canterlot, I was in Ponyville only to visit my uncle, Dr Stable, and my cousin.” He explained.

“I’m going to Canterlot too, to visit my family. How about we ride together?”

“Hmm, I guess we could,” he replied with a slight grin.

The train arrived, Twilight and Brave sat down in front of each other. Brave grabbed a bag and placed it in the table.

“I have some cookies, and a couple juice boxes” said opening the bag. “Want some?”

“Sure!” He handed her a box and they start eating.

“You know, I’ve always love sweets and cookies; never leave home without some. That's my motto.” he said.

“Good, some sugar will help me out,” Twilight nodded as she ate another.

“Yeah, everything is easier if you have chocolate chips cookies.“ He stopped and stared at her with a weird look on his eyes.

“Sooo… Why are you even talking to me?” He asked. Twilight frowned and lost her smile.

“I-I’m … Excuse me?”

“I mean, don’t take it the wrong way, it’s just that when I was a little colt, I was lucky to get a couple of words out of you. It got worse after you got into the School for Gifted Unicorns,” he explained. “It’s just weird. You, a pony that only cared about books and magic-“

Twilight interrupted him. “I know, and I am sorry. I wasn’t really very good at making friends. Or social interactions in general.”

“You seem like a new pony now,” he said.

“And I am. I wish I could tell you all about it. Long story short, I moved to Ponyville and learned what friendship was. Now I have a bunch of friends… Again, I’m sorry. I think we could have been good friends,” she said.

“Oh, I see. That’s good for you,” he smiled.

The two talked until the train arrived at their destination. They separate and went their own ways.

“Good to see you Twilight,” said Brave, “We should talk again sometime.”

“Yeah, that would be nice,” she said with a sad face, knowing full well that she might not make it to that other time.

Soon enough, she was on the familiar road that lead to home. Her home. She shed a couple of tears while looking at the door. She put her hoof on the door, about to knock as hundreds of images ran through her mind. She remembered her parents who loved her so much, enough to let her be away from them at a young age, to fulfill her dreams.

She thought about her brother, who was always there for her, who she missed more than anyone else. She hadn't told them about her visit. She inhaled deeply and exhaled, getting ready for the obvious results. Her mother would cry her eyes out, her father would remain calm but sad. Her brother will try not to cry but he would eventually lose his strength.

She felt her throat close as she tried to knock on the door. She cried silently, trying to calm down. Finally she knocked three times and waited. A voice was heard.

“Oh my! Twilight Sparkle, finally coming to visit her family!” Said excited Velvet.

“Hi, Mom. I'm sorry to not visit you often enough,” Sparkle said.

“What … Twilly , have you been... crying?” Asked her worried mother.

“Mom, I… I need to tell you something,” she jumped to her mother and held her in her hooves. Unable to keep calm anymore, she burst out crying.

Velvet tried to calm her daughter, patting her mane and kissing her forehead.

“There, there my little pony. What's wrong? Is it some mean stallion?” Velvet asked, not expecting what was happening to her daughter.

. “Mom, where is Dad? I need him here, and Shining too,” Sparkle said when she calmed down.

Velvet didn’t answer, just nodded and went to get her husband. She also cast a spell to send a letter to Shining Armor, telling him he needed to come home immediately.

They sat on the couch in the living room without saying a word, waiting for the rest of the family. Shining Armor and Night Light were there in minutes, worried, unaware of what was happening.

“Cadence said she was worried about you Twilly …” Shining Armor said.

“I know, and I'll be meeting with the princesses later to explain to them,” Twilight said while trying to keep steady. Her father wasted no time and held his daughter in his hooves.

“I know something bad is going on my little filly. Come on, what's going on?”

“I have to tell you all something, because you are my family and I need all your support at the moment,” she could feel her heart beating like drums. “It started a few days ago…”

Author's Note

UPDATED: edited

3. Things aren't what they look like

Chapter 3: Things Aren’t What They Look Like

Twilight's mind was wandering. She was staring at a picture on the wall, a framed photo of her and Shining Armor. A soft smile was on her face. Another photo, this one the whole family, her parents, her brother and herself. A third photo, taken after the wedding between Shining and Princess Cadence.

Then her attention went to the chandelier on the ceiling, something elegant and beautiful, decorated with clear and gorgeous crystals, and a few diamonds. Almost as elegant as the decorations of the castle where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna ruled.

"Dear... you were saying?"

Her mother interrupted her thoughts and she suddenly found herself being stare at by three pair of eyes.

"Oh, uh...” Twilight sighed. “Sorry. As I was saying, it started a few days ago. I was feeling bad, some nausea that I attributed to some minor stomach disease."

"And you didn't call your mother because...?" Velvet inquired.

"Mom, I thought it was nothing; please let me explain, " Twilight said with a calm tone. "Anyways, I went to the doctor and took some medicine. Everything felt normal until the other day. I passed out... For a couple hours and... Well, everything got worse. I had some tests done..." Tears were forming on in eyes, her voice became higher as she tried to control herself.

"Twily, is it that bad? " Shining asked, his voice soft. His concerned look helped Twilight a little.

"It's some kind of tumor. The doctors can't reach it, not without ... Well, you know what I mean," she said, and then she started crying.

Her father stood there, silent, looking directly into her eyes. He was a strong stallion, but it was clear that his strength only get so far. His eyes were as sad as her daughter's. Her mother, the most sensitive in the family, was crying as well, her hooves covering her eyes.

"So... That means... There's no hope?" Her brother asked and got up to nuzzle Twilight and hold her in his hooves.

"I'd like to think there's some hope, but neither the doctors nor I are optimistic. I'll be seeing some specialists that Dr. Stable recommended, but..."

"I can't lose my little sister! This can't be true, don't give up Twilly! " Twilight felt her brother's tears on her shoulders

"We're all here for you, my little filly" Her father said, joining the hug. Her mom soon joined in.

Twilight Sparkle felt the warmth of her family, the love that they shared was nothing she could ever fully explain. She felt safe around them, the most important ponies in her life.

She broke the hug, when she remembered her appointment with the princesses.

"I'm sorry dad, mom, Shining, but I've got to see Princess Celestia. Don't you worry, I'll spend some more time with you later." Twilight said with a smile, her eyes soaked in tears.

"Very good darling, but first you should wash your face," her mother said, but couldn't stop her own tears.

She just step outside and found two royal guards with a carriage awaiting for her. Her eyes wide open at the view, a guard walked up to her and said

"We are here to take you to the castle Miss Sparkle."

She wasted no time and got on the transport. She knew Princess Celestia was in a rush, and she was worried that her teacher knew something, or at least suspected something odd had happened.

Could she already know about it? She was nervous about Celestia's reaction to the news. Could she ask her for help? Of course she could, but Twilight knew that only the darkest of magic could interfere between life and death, and Celestia was wiser than that.

She soon arrived at the castle. In the throne room sat the Princess of the Sun and the Princess of the Moon, as expected, but standing beside them was the Princess of Love. All of them stood with a serious look in their eyes. They all seem to know already.

"Twilight it's nice to see you, but I wish it would be under different circumstances," Celestia said.

"Dear Twilight Sparkle, we can tell what's haunting you" Luna added

"I think we should let her talk first..." Cadence suggested to the princesses. “Hello, Twilight.”

"Hi Cadence. I have some kind of tumor, and it can't be removed. I came here to tell my family and ask for help too."

"Have you told your friends about it? " Celestia asked.

"I don't want them to be sad. My family had to know, but my friends don't need to worry about me on top of everything else they have to do. They have better things to do with their lives.”

She looked at the princesses, her face sad, but still she remained calm.

"You were sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship, yet you keep your friends out of the loop in something this important?” Celestia asked, disappointment evident.

Twilight ears went down and tears began to flow like a river down her cheeks. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her heart beat so fast that she felt it was popping out of her chest. Luna and Cadence seemed sad and worried, but they stayed quiet.

Then, one more thing followed.

"You know that I've lived many years, but I've never seen someone as capable and skilled at magic as you, not even Starswirl the Bearded or Clover the Clever. Even so, you still have things to learn, and I believe you can still do those things. After all you will be facing a special test very soon." Celestia said, her voice stern but somewhat understanding. It hurt, more than anything Twilight remembered. But it was necessary.

"I'm sorry Princess Celestia, I'll talk to them." Twilight affirmed.

"You should do it soon. Now, we have a room waiting for you. You can spend the night, and I want you to think about your situation and to consider your friends more"

"I will Princess," Twilight said while rubbing her eyes with one hoof.

"I'll take you to your room," Cadence approach Twilight.

They trotted to a room that had been prepared for the visit.

"I'm sorry Twilight, my aunt was too cold out there. She has seen too many ponies come and go. She forgets how they can feel sometimes."

"I know. I just... I don't think I'm as important as ponies say I am... Princess Celestia would find a replacement..." Twilight said while looking at the floor, then entered the room , confused by her mentor's behavior.

She slowly crawl to the bed and prepared to sleep... Or at least try to.

Author's Note

EDITED! :D

4. Acceptance

Twilight was trotting in town, noticing nopony was outside, she continue her way wondering where was everypony. She suddenly see a gathering of ponies far away.

She approached them as fast as she could, but stopped suddenly as if she would had hit a rock. Her eyes opened wide, her jaw almost to the floor, at the sight of a funeral.

All ponies, surrounding a coffin, a wood coffin, with a rather familiar design painted on it.
Twilight’s cutie mark. She look aside , her parents in each other’s hooves, Shining Armor in a line with a few royal guards that had met Twilight before she moved to Ponyville.
The other side had her friends crying their eyes out, Spike was nowhere to be seen.
And in the center, there was Princess Celestia preceding the funeral.

She started to cry, then watched at her hooves, they were transparent, she knew it was her on that coffin, she didn’t knew what to do. She felt the presence of another pony, Princess Luna was staring at her, with a sad expression.

“Come with us Twilight Sparkle” She yelled at her, and took flight.

“why?, uhm i mean, alright”

Twilight then realized that was just a dream, so she calm herself down and followed Luna.

“Thou shalt not fear the cold embrace of the death, that which can not be avoided, thou must comprehend that it is a matter beyond thine control. Thou shalt focus on a very important task, that bonds thyself and the bearers of the Elements of Harmony”

After that explanation Twilight woke up, not knowing why the princesses made such a big deal about that friendship that most likely end in some time, hopefully not soon.
But she knew they were wise, she must keep with the program, to learn everything she can about the magic of friendship.

Twilight looked herself at the mirror, shook her head, and once again, she shed a few tears.
But this time she was decided to keep on her studies, like nothing was happening.
She took a bath, prepared herself and was escorted to Ponyville by two royal guards.

She arrived at the train station. Then trotted at a slow pace. Accepting more and more the fact that this might be it. Her condition could not be cure, her family would suffer the most. SHe could always look on her books, or in that castle of the two sisters, certainly there could be dark magic involved. Was she desperate enough to try that?. No, Twilight knew better.

She continues her way to home, only to find Pinkie knocking on her door.

“Twilight!! come out,” Yelled the pink pony.

“I’m right here, you know, “ said Twilight to the oblivious mare.

“Ok so let me in! “ Said Pinkie still looking at the door.

Twilight just sigh and her horn glowed as she magically opens the door.

“FInally! i’ve been here like an hour” she talked as she enter the library, “wait .. where are you?”

Twilight poke her on her shoulder and she turned her head around.
“There you are! , oh i see you just arrived from your trip to Canterlot. I needed to see if you were ok, since you let Spike here and i would hate to travel alone, and did you miss me?”
Said the cheerful mare while taking Twilight’s face on her hooves.

“I am fine, don’t you worry about me,” Twilight tried to explain. “And of course i missed you Pinkie Pie”

Pinkie began jumping around the library as she talked.
“I would love to stay and chat more but the Cakes need me to do some extra hours today”

“It’s ok Pinkie, i am tired from the travel, so i could use some rest” said the purple pony.

“Oki-dokie-loki , see you later ,”
She then speeded out of there, making a bunch of books fell out of the shelves.

She just sit in the middle of the library, and checks all those books that were now on the floor.
“I’ve read that one, and that other one.. and this one… i better relax and .. “
She talked to herself , and trotted slowly to her room and jump to her bed.

Next day she was staring at that invitation for another Pinkie's party.

"Twilight!" Her little assistant asked waving a claw in front of Twilight's eyes.

The purple unicorn awakes from her thoughts.
"What is it Spike?"

"I lost you for a minute" said the worrying dragon. "You've been very weird these past few days"

"I am not... i'm just a little distracted that's all," Twilight replied and looked away.

"I'm gonna talk to the girls, they could help you i am sure," Spike tried to exit the library.

Twilight rapidly grabbed him and held him with her front hooves. Looking at the little dragon's eyes.

"Please, don't. I will solve this, i promise" said desperately the unicorn.

"Ok. I'll give you time, but if i see you like this again i will even tell to Princess Celestia"

"Thank you Spike" she said while giving a lovely smile and wrap her hooves around him.
“I promise you, everything will be fine soon”

She was doing her best at hiding her problem, but it was obvious that she wasn’t good at lying, so she buried herself on books, using a spell for speed-reading she learnt years ago.
She found nothing, she will just have to do anything to keep hiding it from her friends.

“I know Princess Celestia said that i had to tell them … but it’s not the right time yet”
She talked to herself.

“When it’s gonna be the right time?” She asked

“I don’t know .. when … perhaps … “ She again answered herself.

Spike was approaching her as she heard the last couple of words.

“Did you say something? “ He asked

“I need to keep my routine or they’ll suspect” She thought before answering Spike’s question.

“Grab a quill and some parchment , i need you to make a list”

They made a list, ink, a rope, vegetables, milk, coffee and sugar. As well as other necessary items.
She also added some extra gems to keep her assistant happy.
They went to town and walked to store to store, with no rush, choosing the best vegetables and then stopping to buy lunch.

They sat on a park’s bench and saw a few fillies playing ball, a pond where little ducks were swimming and an old mare giving tossing bread to the ground and the ducks quickly approach the food, a small one, like thanking her walk to the old mare and sat next to her on the bench.

The old pegasi took the little duck in her hoof and softly pat its head. Then placed the little one down for it to return with its family. Twilight smiled at the cute sight and her heart filled with a warm feeling.

They continued the day, finished other chores and Spike decided to take a twenty minutes nap.
Twilight knew that his “twenty minutes” could mean more than two hours. So she sat on a chair next to a table and open a book and placed in the table.

She couldn’t began the reading as her mind was assaulted with yet more horrible images, of the pain that was about to come, she wasn’t sure if she could handle it. She felt fear, of the unknown. The darkness, the nothingness. She knew what she should do.
To finish with those fears, and with every problem, to save their friends and family a feeling of helplessness and the toll that watching your daughter or friend dying slowly would carry.
Across the room, on the floor, an eight feet long rope was calling her name.

“Is that it? am i going to take the easy way out?”

Her horn glow with magic as she levitated the rope to the ceiling and tying the rope.
She placed a chair and a bunch of books on it. She began to write a note .

“Dad, mom, Shining, i love you all and i will miss you all …. Pinkie, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow, Flutters , i hate myself for not telling you before, i know you’ll get over this ..”

“well that’s as good as any letter” She said to herself. Staring at the rope in the middle of the room, well placed, double checked to be sure it would support her weight.

She levitated herself on top of the books, she took the rope on her hooves and …
Somepony knocking on the door startled her and she fell of the chair with all the books.

She magically hide the rope under a bunch of books. Then opened the door.

“No. please don’t …” She thought. It was Applejack, the element of honesty. Somepony she knew was almost impossibly to lie to.

“Howdy Twilight!” Said Applejack cheerfully.

“Hey AJ, what can i do for you?” She asked nervously.

“Ah’ was coming to check on you and brought some delicious apple pie. You're feeling better?”

“Yes i am feeling great” She tried to pull the biggest smile she could.

“uhh, you sure Twilight?

“Positive, it just that i was very busy cleaning this mess since my assistant had to take a nap”
Twilight’s heart was racing at that moment.

“Well, i am busy myself today, so Ah’ll just leave the pie on your table, wait for it to cool down before eating”

“Thank you very much Applejack, for your concern and for the tasty pie”

“Not a problem Twi”

Applejack made her way to her farm finally. Twilight Sparkle sigh and her heart was slowly going back to normal. She closed the door and turned once again to that rope.

With a quick spell she torn the rope into pieces, ashamed about what she almost did.
She couldn’t forgive herself. She was gonna take all that it would come to her.