Pinkie, I'm So Sorry

by CrackedInkWell

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Dark, Alternate Universe, Sad, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2527

Rainbow Dash attempted and failed to drown herself. She wakes up in the hospital to the last pony she wanted a serious talk to, Pinkie Pie.

It was the news that shocked Equestria. Rainbow Dash did the unthinkable, she attempted suicide.
Luckily, she was saved from drowning at the last minute when Fluttershy saw her. After being taken to the hospital, news broke out. The question of "why?" on everypony's lips.
Her friends searched for any kind of clue as to what made their friend drive herself to do such a thing.
At Rainbow's house, they found out why.
A few days later, Rainbow Dash woke up in a hospital bed, and right next to her, she's confronted by the last pony she ever wanted to see: Pinkie Pie.
And this, was that conversation.

A huge thank you to TheOtherSideOfFluttershy for the cover art.

And a special thank you to SecretBrony01 for editing this.

Published 2014-08-16 04:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-16 04:50:07 UTC

Pinkie, I'm So Sorry

Rainbow Dash woke up slowly to the light of the sun that streamed mercilessly down at her. She tried pulling the nearest thing over her face to block out the light, in this case, it was a pillow.

A minute later, her mind started to kick itself on, thinking that something about this was completely off. At first, she couldn't put her hoof on what exactly. But then, she realized what was off, she was in a warm bed with sheets, blankets, and pillows. The last thing she remembered was that everything was cold, wet and she couldn't...

She opened her eyes. It took a moment to figure out where exactly she was. She's in the hospital, again. In a room that she spent so many times in that it almost became like a second home thanks to all the crashes, she had in the past. But this time was different. For one, on the nightstand there were cards. But these weren't the usual "Get well soon" kind, as she could see, many of them said things like: "Please wake up soon." or "We do love you Rainbow." or "We're sorry." There weren't just a few hooffuls either, there were dozens upon dozens of these cards. Along with flowers of every kind. And the smell of... cake.

She turned around and her pulps shrank to pinpricks to see the very last pony she ever wanted to see at that moment. The very reason of what driven herself to--

"Hi Dashie," said Pinkie, not in her usual bubbly self, but she said it in a calm and gentle manner. She noted that her mane had deflated, but not to the point where it has gone straight like that one time.

"Uh, Pinkie? What are ya doing here?"

A quick chuckle later she responded: "Don't you remember? You... You almost... Died."

There was nothing but dread that filled Rainbow. Not only what she tried to do wasn't a dream, but she failed, she was still alive.

She was driven out of her thoughts when she heard her sniff, followed by a crushing hug.

"DASHIE!!! Don't you ever do that again! You really, really scared us!" By now, as Rainbow struggled to breathe, Pinkie's tears fell like heavy rain.

"Pin-kie! Can't- breathe!" She was released from her death grip, but Pinkie continues to cry. Rainbow didn't want to admit it, not even to herself, but she really hated to see her friends cry. Especially her.

"Pinkie, I'm still here aren’t I?"

"B-But, y-y-you al-alm-almost weren't! Y-Y-You c-could h-have drowned!"

Rainbow let her cry for a very long time until she was able to say something coherent.

"Pinkie, how did I get here?"

"Fluttershy saw you. She dove in to fetch you out of the water. But she saw that you weren't breathing so she tried to get your heart going by giving the whole mouth to mouth thing." Rainbow fought to keep the blood rushing to her cheeks. Pinkie didn't seem to notice and continued: "She got you to breathe, but you still wouldn't wake up. So she untied you and rushed you over to the hospital. Dashie, we were so worried and so shocked. Not the kind of pleasant surprised kind of shocked, but the horrified kind. You wouldn't wake up for a few days, so while you were sleeping, we searched for clues."

At this point, Rainbow grew paler.

"So what we did is we went to your place," -Pinkie kept on explaining- "of course, me, Rarity and Applejack couldn't go in since we're not a Pegasus. So Twilight and Fluttershy went in. And we waited and waited until they came out with a note."

Now Rainbow was horrified. "P-Pinkie, I-"

She was cut off when Pinkie continued: "They gave me your note that they told me that it was for me. And Dashie, I got really, really sad. Like my mane went straight kind of sad. I mean... I don't know what to do since this has never ever happened to me before. I mean sure, I've thrown a few apology parties before, but this..."

"Pinkie," Rainbow said, by now, she had both of her hooves covering her face. "Just say it. Just say that you hate me and just go."

There was a moment of silence, that was until Rainbow was caught completely off guard when Pinkie was gently hugging her.

"Pinkie, what are you-"

"I never said I hate you. I just feel guilty that I didn't notice that you... well... really like, like me."

"But Pinkie, you’re not, are you?"

"Well no. I can say I'm not flattered though. But I have to ask... Did you ever, you know... Check me out when I wasn't looking?"

"Pinkie!" Rainbow was flabbergasted. "Good Celestia! I- Uh... Well... N-Not all the time. It's-"

She was cut off by Pinkie's giggling. "It's okay Dashie. That's what I want to know."

"That was embarrassing! You just don't ask somepony something like that!"

"But after reading your note several times over, how could I not think that?"

That shut Rainbow up. A moment of awkward silence later, Pinkie spoke up.

"You know Dashie, there's something in that note that got all of us wondering, why didn't you tell us you're a fillyfooler?"

Rainbow's ears folded back. "Cause... I didn't want to ruin what we've already had. You do know that not everypony in Equestria with something like this right? I didn't tell any of you girls since we're so close that I didn't want to ruin it all just by telling you guys this one little fact about myself. I couldn't tell. Especially for you. I mean, what if you don't accept me? Or, what if you see me as disgusting? Or-"

"I never said you were disgusting. We're just surprised, that's all, but that doesn't mean we hate you or anything."

Rainbow looked at Pinkie in the eye. "Really?"

Pinkie nodded several times. "Um-hum. We're still your friends after all. Besides, that's how strong it is, with a friendship so strong that not even this ruins it."

Rainbow frown. "Yeah. Friend."

"Oh, don't be sad Dashie. Look, even though I don't really look at it that way, that doesn't mean I don't support you at all. You’re still the same Rainbow Danger Super Awesome Dash that I know. And I'm the same Pinkie Pie that you know. Nothing is really lost here. You still have me around."

"But Pink's, that's just it. This whole time I wanted to tell you how much I do care for ya. How much I wanted you to be my special somepony, I just don't see anyone else filling in what I really admire about ya. As crazy as you can get at times, I do think you’re special to me. What can I say that I haven't put in that note? And... When you said you have a coltfriend... It was the last straw that broke the camel's back."

Pinkie tilted her head to the side, "Last straw? You mean there really was more than one reason?"

"Huh?"

"Well, Twilight said that she found the note a little odd since heartbreak alone isn't the reason why anypony would... you know. So I guess there was some other reason?"

Now Rainbow was uncomfortable. "Pinks, I don't wanna talk about it."

Pinkie grabbed both sides of Rainbow's head, forcing her to look at her in the eye. "No. You tell me what's wrong. Nopony is going to help you if you don't say what's wrong. And I don't care how stupid it might sound. If a stupid reason is what drove you into ending your life, it's worth listening to. Now tell me, what is wrong, Dashie?"

"It's... It's a little complicated."

"So?"

With a defeated sigh, she said: "Alright. I'll tell you. But it's not really a happy story."

"I'm still listening."

Rainbow paused for a moment, summing up the courage to tell her. "You know that Shy and I used to grow up in Cloudsdale right?"

Pinkie nodded.

"And that we were bullied at some point too right?"

Again she nodded.

"Well, looking back, I think I might have it a little worse than Shy because at the time she had only one fault. She had trouble flying. But with me, I was an easy target because I had several things that they picked me on. You know that I was used to be called "Rainbow Crash" right because I tend to crash into stuff. But what I didn't tell you girls is that I was called other things too... Like when I was putting two and two together that I'm- you know, I was called several other things like... Rainbow Dyke. And that one was just tamed. You know the phrase "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" I don't think that's true. Bruises and broken bones heal over time. But insults and slurs can still sting in here." She tapped her head for emphasis.

"Now, maybe luckily I was never physically been beaten or anything like that. But what they said, I think, hurt more than any punch could give. So I stayed in the closet and remained there. Then came Gilda, and before you say anything, no, she didn't do anything to me. At least, not directly. I remembered that we were really good pals once. She hung with me because she thought I was cool. That was until she came to Ponyville where I saw what she really was. A bully. But ever since then, it made me question myself. About my loyalty."

"Your loyalty?"

"Yeah. What if I'm being taken advantage because I'm so loyal? That I can be talked into practically anything so I can fulfill their agenda. Getting swept up at the moment, making me forget where my loyalty really lies. I wonder if one day I might betray you girls in the end because of my loyalty."

Pinkie didn’t say anything and let Rainbow continue. "But sometimes that's not what I worry about. I sometimes think that no matter what I do, I would just end up being forgotten."

"Forgotten?" Pinkie asked, "What does that suppose to mean?"

"I... I know this sounds completely stupid, I know, but at times, I wonder even if I die, would anypony remember who I was or what I did. Would anypony talk about saving Equestria several times or even mention my signature sonic rainboom? Will they know that in thirty, fifty, maybe a hundred years from now? I know it sounds stupid, but there have been ponies who done ineradicable things only to be forgotten in the end. What about them? Or would my name be a hoofnote in a history book one day?"

Rainbow paused to take a deep breath: "Then there was the news that dad was gone. I didn't tell you, girls, this before because I wanted to show you that I was tough enough that not even my dad passing away would affect me... You have no idea how hard it was not showing that... I... I didn't want you girls to worry over me, to think that I was weak."

Pinkie saw that her friend was fighting as hard as she could against her own tears.

"And then, there was you. Pinkie. I didn't just fall head over hooves overnight. I thought you were weird at first... But over time, you wanted to get to know me not because I'm fast. But because you want to know me. So I let you hang with me... Over time, I got to like you more and more... Then one day, I realized that maybe... Just maybe, you could be the one that I can spend the rest of my life with. I was going to tell you. Hoping against all hope that maybe you would like me back that way... I was going to tell you until you said you have a special somepony. Pinkie I... I just couldn't take it anymore... Then I got really depressed. That greatest happiness I've ever found, and I lost you... What's the point of living, when it gives you too many problems to handle it all?"

Pinkie couldn't believe her own eyes. Rainbow, the toughest pony she's ever met, who would let nothing get in the way of her dreams, was breaking down right in before her very eyes. Rainbow Dash was crying. She wrapped both her hooves around her and for several minutes, she just held her there.

"Because we're worth living." Pinkie said, "I'm not sure if you’re even aware of this, but for many ponies out there, you were the one to give them hope where there wasn't any. Like, take Scootaloo, even though she couldn't fly, you gave her the hope that she can become something greater than a flyer. You gave Applejack some competition to become stronger than before. Teaching Twilight how to fly when she got her wings. Being Fluttershy's first friend when nopony would. Modeling for Rarity's dresses-"

"You do know I don't like doing that right?" Rainbow interrupted.

"But she's grateful. And you also helped me."

"I did?"

"Remember when you girls were planning a secret-happy-birthday-surprise party when I thought all of you were avoiding me? You came in when I thought you guys didn't want me anymore so you had to drag me over to AJ's."

"Oh yeah, that."

"The point here is, you still have us. And I Pinkie promise you, that as soon as you come out of here, we will make each and every day better for you. We will work with you just so you can be happy again. I'll even go as far to find you a really lucky mare to make your day happy too."

"So, you’re going to find me a date or something?"

"Yep!"

"Um, Pinks, since you already know, I have to ask... Where do we go from here?"

"Cheer up Dashie, I said I don't hate you or anything. But since you’re alright, I've got to throw you a coming out of the closet party for ya."

Rainbow's eyes widen. "You wouldn't."

"Why not? It's not much of a secret anymore is it?"

Dash opened her mouth to try to say something, but nothing came to her.

"OH! That reminds me." Pinkie said as she stuffed a cupcake in Rainbow's mouth, she smiled at this, "See, that's much better isn't it?"

Rainbow, given her condition, couldn't help but laugh a little at this crazy mare's ways.

"There you are!" Pinkie exclaimed. "We're off to a good start here already."

Author's Note

After a bit of constructive criticism, a few edits, and dozen upon dozens of interruptions later, I give you a short that has been extended a little. And I'm not gonna lie here, this was difficult to pull off. I mean, with Rainbow's reasons that she did it. Although, if anyone has a better reason that Rainbow might do this that I've overlooked or have some suggestion to improve on this, please let me know.