What Have I Done?

Wings taut. Knees shaking. Butterflies.

The sensations of that moment would forever be burned into her memory, down to the most minute details. The thundering rhythm of her heart somehow still audible above the cacophonous roar of the Cloudsdale grandstands, the rush of blood pounding in her eardrums as she absentmindedly chanced a gander out into the spectacle surrounding her. Thousands of Pegasi had all gathered for a singular purpose. Their lungs alight as they cheered for Spitfire. Cheered for Fleetfoot. Cheered for Soarin.

Cheered for her.

There was never a doubt in anypony's mind, least of all her own, that Rainbow Dash's sole reason for being was flight. She had taken to her tribe's birthright from an early age, figuring out the basic mechanics of flying before even properly learning how to walk. The sky was her home. The high altitude currents caressing her coat and feathers the equivalent of a lover's embrace. To Rainbow Dash, the sky felt like more than just a natural habitat, a foregone conclusion of her biology. Rainbow Dash didn't just belong in the sky. When she spread her wings, the sky belonged to her.

And yet, as she made her way to the edge of the small plump patch of cumulus that had been corralled to the center of the stadium, Dash found the soft, springy texture of the cloud underneath her hooves unnervingly foreign. The almost alien sensation of vertigo, a feeling that she has experienced so few times in her life that she could recount every occurrence on her primaries, began to dull her senses as she looked over the edge of the tiny cloud herself and her compatriots were all perched on, the weight of the moment becoming all too clear as they simultaneously crouched forward and spread their wings. Fleetfoot to her left, Soarin to her right. Soon, they would all be in the sky together.

Soon, she would be a Wonderbolt.

Rainbow Dash was a prideful Pegasus. The times she had been afraid were unsurprisingly minimal, and the times she would admit she actually was afraid even less so. But in that moment, there had never before been a time in her life when she had been more terrified, nor a time when she was more okay with admitting that fact to herself, if not nopony else. Over twenty years of singular focus culminating in one, pure moment of undiluted glory that she would have never forgiven herself for if she had messed up. After that inaugural performance, Rainbow Dash had hoped, and, to be perfectly frank, had assumed, she would be bulletproof. Her life’s ambition had been accomplished. Her critics would be silenced, and her self doubt smothered. Nothing would ever faze her like that again, for she had risen as high as she had ever dared dream.

Wings taut. Knees shaking.

Guilt.

Apparently, she had been wrong.

Perhaps it was a bit odd that things like this were what ended up getting under Rainbow's skin. After all, when one has gone hoof to hoof with demigods, corrupted archmages, a legion of shapeshifters, and Chaos incarnate, issues such as these seemed downright trivial in comparison.

But for Rainbow Dash, staring death in the face was easy when you had five other ponies you trusted with your life by your side. Fate had been kind enough to put a group of friends in her path that she trusted implicitly. Deep down, in those most intense moments, she never doubted for a second that her fellow Elements would pull through in the end.

Problems like this though, or things like her stunt flying debut, where the prospects of success or failure rested entirely on her shoulders alone, were far more nerve wracking.

Rainbow had far less faith in herself.

Which, she mused, was exactly why she was here. If Dash was being honest, she didn't even recall the flight over here. There was never even a conscious decision on her part to come. The cottage was so firmly ingrained as her safety net that she would often retreat here on autopilot, knowing that soft hooves and kind words were waiting on the other side of that familiar worn oaken door, no matter what had managed to screw up that time.

Rainbow figured that was probably why she had finally confessed to her all those years ago. Ever since they had met as fillies, Dash had come to rely on her unyielding goodness. It didn't take long after they met for her to become her rock, able to so easily untangle Rainbow's most difficult problems without hesitation or self doubt. Dash would never admit it, but that was why she had left Cloudsdale in the first place, despite her ambitions demanding otherwise. The reason why she had been able to put up with a snorefest like Ponyville for so long, and the reason why, even after finally becoming a Wonderbolt, Rainbow Dash continually found reasons to duck out of her life as a budding celebrity and keep on coming back here. She had left Cloudsdale, and Dash had no choice but to follow. After all, she was completely lost without her.

It was unfortunate though. Rainbow had lost track of the amount of times she had observed people mocking her, laughing at her, calling her weak, both in the air and on the ground. Such a kneejerk reaction was understandable, she supposed, but the conjecture spoke to their ignorance of the pony at hoof because, after almost two decades of companionship, Rainbow Dash knew there wasn't a pony alive that was stronger than Fluttershy. Sure she was timid, sure she was meek. And yeah, Dash had to admit, Shy was a little weird, but anypony who stopped looking at her there was missing the point entirely. Despite years of endless torture from the ponies around her, and even worse, chastising coming from the timid mare herself, Fluttershy never crumbled.

In contrast, despite her laundry list of accomplishments, even the smallest prodding at Rainbow's ego threatened to bring the entire facade crashing down around her, leaving nothing but the delicate filly that had been harassed at flight camp exposed for all the world to see. Rainbow Dash had no choice but to erect an entire persona to keep that part of her safe. Fluttershy was somehow able to wear her insecurities on her proverbial sleeve, and roll with the flurry of punches that invariably came with it, and while she may have buckled from time to time, she had never broken.

She had a different kind of strength other ponies would never know, a strength Dash could never muster. And a strength she once again found herself in desperate need of.

Meek knocking that Dash hadn't even realized she had initiated filled the air around her, the rough texture of the firm oak door against her hoof snapping her from the thoughts. A muted peep followed by the clattering of dishes and a quiet plea for patience came from the other side of the door and Rainbow's body stiffened, her Wonderbolt flight suit suddenly itching in a variety of places at once, nerves tensing as her wings flapped in a sporadic pattern, a fruitless attempt to vent her nervous energy. The sound of dishes being hastily done died down, and soft hoofsteps made their way to the door. A harsh creaking loosed itself from the rusted hinges of the front door as the meek Pegasus quickly made her way onto the porch with a subtle poise that she would sadly never realize she had, her eyes locked onto the ground.

"I'm sorry I took so long, Angel had made a mess and I had t-" Her gaze finally peeked out from behind her long light cerise locks. "Rainbow Dash?! W-What are you doing here?! Shouldn't you be back in Cloudsdale?"

The Wonderbolt hesitated, her body language becoming similar to the pony in front of her, her shoulders slumping as her gaze drifted downwards. “I screwed up, 'Shy.”

Rainbow lurched forward, collapsing into Shy's tender frame, and the facade shattered. All pretense of composure was abandoned, the seasoned Wonderbolt and arrogant athlete crumbing in her lover's delicate touch, leaving nothing but the terrified filly that those personas were built to protect, a pony only one other soul would ever be truly privy to. Dash's muzzle buried itself into 'Shy's shoulder in an attempt to hide from the shame, her body shaking even more fervently. “I screwed up big time.”

A soft peep left Fluttershy's lips as Dash suddenly wrapped a wing around her torso, still feeling her lover's body shaking. The caretaker immediately began doing what she did best, slowly closing her door behind the pair, ushering her inside. She was unable to stop herself from giving her marefriend a gentle pat on the back of her neck, her eyes still wide in surprise. Rainbow was never one for being overly physical.

Fluttershy let her forehoof linger, giving Dash's body an extra squeeze, regretfully taking some selfish pleasure in being able to be this close to her outside of the bedroom. She ran her hoof along Dash's neck, enjoying the sensation of her coat caressing the soft padding of her hoof. Dash's shivering began to subside under her touch, and she cradled her face in her neck, nuzzling the shaken Pegasus with a delicate lover's touch. "It's okay, Rainbow Dash. It's okay. It'll be all right." Fluttershy held back from any further attempts at comforting Dash, knowing her marefriend wouldn't take kindly to her natural heavy handed coddling. She wrapped a wing gently around the Wonderbolt's barrel and carefully guided her over to the couch, easing her down and taking a seat with her. Shy went to give Dash a quick nuzzle, but the brash Pegasus gently pushed her away, sinking into the cushions and once again averting her gaze. Fluttershy's smile waned ever so slightly as she slowly forced herself away from Dash's warmth. "Oh, well... you just stay there for a minute then, I'll go make us some tea."

"C'mon 'Shy, you know I don't like tea."

Fluttershy froze. "Oh, I'm sorry, its just, it'll help you relax and you seem really nervous and I don't know what's bothering you because you won't talk to me even though I'm guessing you showed up here to talk to me about something so I don't really know what else t-"
Dash sighed and looked over at her marefriend. The look of worry in her eyes completely genuine. Dash almost cracked a smile. "All right then, make us some tea." Shy began to go into the kitchen before Dash called out to her. "And Shy?"

"Hmm?"

"Sorry… it's just… you know how I am..."

The meek Pegasus smiled. "I know. It's okay. I'll be right back."

The animal caretaker disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Rainbow to her own devices. She noted the Pegasus loose a mournful sigh as the weary springs in her couch whined under her marefriend's weight, Dash no doubt flopping upon it with her usual lack of subtly. Fluttershy couldn't help but roll her eyes as she made for the kettle, forgetting for a moment that her lover had come to her in less than jovial spirits. Gentle hooves filled the kettle with water and placed it on the oven burners. As the small flame sprang to life under the kettle, Fluttershy chanced another quick gaze over at Dash, wings spread out as her whole frame seemed to be trying to take up as much of the couch at once as possible, her face buried in her forehooves. Without the risk of making eye contact, Fluttershy let her gaze linger on her lover for a few extra moments. The Wonderbolt's spectrum tail swung to and fro over the hoofrest, her hindlegs occasionally twitching and shuffling as she struggled to find a comfortable position on the piece of furniture too small to truly accommodate her current position. Despite the apparently somber purpose for Rainbow's visit, a small smile greeted Fluttershy's face, though she stifled the accompanying giggle as she returned her attention to preparing the tea. Dash never did well with Earth Pony furniture. Nearly all of Dash's fittings in her cloud house lacked any sort of tangible shape, the bold Pegasus having essentially corralled some clouds out of the sky and stuck them in her house, preferring to flop down anywhere at any time, in whatever position she chose, giving the fluffy mass a few swift kicks to crudely mold it into shape to better suit her current position, eschewing dedicated function and instead dealing with it in the moment.

Fluttershy quelled a startled peep as the kettle began to whistle, quickly taking it off the burner and began digging through her cabinets for Dash's favorite teacup, one of the few out of Fluttershys respectable collection that she had declared was cool enough for her to be seen with. Now that she thought about it, Rainbow Dash’s furniture was a rather accurate metaphor for how the Wonderbolt handled everything in her life. Never planning, living by her own rules, and bucking tradition, out of laziness if nothing else. Rainbow Dash was unashamedly, unabashedly herself, regardless of outside opinion, or the consequences thereof. A lot of ponies looked at Rainbow Dash at saw arrogance. They saw a braggart whose skills were noticed only because her mouth made sure to broadcast them to anyone who might pass by. A pony that was loved by many, and hated for that fact by just as much.

But where others saw arrogance, Fluttershy saw confidence. Where others saw a loudmouth braggart, Fluttershy saw an enthusiastic, unrepentant individual. And that quality got the Wonderbolt into trouble more often than she would like to admit. For all of her broadcasted bravado, Rainbow Dash spent a lot of time licking her wounds.

But that just made Fluttershy love her all the more. Because in a world that would like to see her knocked down a few pegs, when ponies tried to chew her up and spit her back out, and for all of the pain, Rainbow Dash never said sorry, and she never stopped. She wore each scar like a badge of honor, and for that, Fluttershy had nothing but respect for her. Because, if she was being honest with herself, she too was a pony living off the beaten trail, but she hid away from the world, walking the path of least resistance. The kind of burden Rainbow faced every day for being herself so brazenly was beyond anything Fluttershy could ever conceive of shouldering. She envied her for it. She respected her for it. She loved her for it.

She was the bravest pony she knew.

Delicate wings slowly stirred a sparing amount of sugar into one of the now filled teacups, Fluttershy being careful not to clink the spoon against the side too loudly, lest the noise upset her marefriend or her animals. She repeated the process again with the other cup for Rainbow, only this time adding the overly gratuitous helping of sugar her lover always insisted on. Satisfied with her work, she took the tray both cups were sitting on in her mouth and made her way back over to Dash, the gentle aroma from the tea doing nothing to rouse the Wonderbolt from her undignified position.

The pensive Pegasus left the tray to the ottoman flanking the couch so she could shift her attention to Dash, giving her lover's mane a gentle, concerned nuzzle. As she got closer, she suddenly realized Rainbow was making the most peculiar noise.
"Rainbow Dash? Are you... crying?"

The question finally got a reaction from the speedster, as she quickly snapped to attention, clearing her bloodshot eyes and wiping the tears away with a forehoof, sniffling all the while. "No!"

Subtle motions allowed Fluttershy to make her way next to Dash on the couch without her realizing until it was too late. She shuffled away from her halfheartedly as Fluttershy passed Dash her tea. "Do you want to talk about it?"

The Wonderbolt's eyes filled with a spark of rekindled pride as she gulped down her tea at a pace that ignored the drink's warmth, and she averted her gaze from her marefriend's purposely disarming expression. "No."

Fluttershy took a moment to relish the taste of her own tea before returning her attention to Dash, a soft wing making it's way across the Wonderbolt's back. "Are you sure?”

Dash tensed up again when Fluttershy's wing finally made contact, her eyelids twitching and a slight gasp escaping her lips as the enticing contact of her lover sent a chill down her spine. A subtle groan of defeat quickly followed, and she flopped down unceremoniously into her marefriend's lap. "...no..."

Fluttershy smiled inwardly as she cradled her destitute marefriend, running a hoof through her mane. "Now tell me... what's the matter?"

Dash struggled against her coddling, but Shy's tender touch soon won out over the Wonderbolt's bravado and she melted in her hooves. "I'm just a horrible pony, Shy. She's hurting so bad right now and it's all my fault."

"Hurting? Who?"

"Scoots."

The timid Pegasus raised an eyebrow as her hooves moved down towards Rainbow's shoulders. "But Scootaloo loves you. How could you have possibly hurt her?"

Dash sighed. "We had to go to the hospital yesterday. I took her flying. Again. Decided to approach the whole thing from a new angle. Gave her some tips I picked up from the 'Bolts for endurance flying.” Her eyes shifted away from Shy to the ceiling as a subtle smile graced her trembling lips. “These last few months had been good to her wings. A quick look over her and I could tell they were finally starting to even out with the rest of her.” Her gaze dropped to the floor and her smile vanished. “I was sure. Hayseed Shy I was so sure that I'd get her off the ground this time. I mean, Fleetfoot volunteers at the Cloudsdale Fillies and Colts Club. Helps out the weak flyers. I picked her brain for hours, dredging up every last piece of advice she was willing to pass on. Hell, she even offered to come down and coach Scoots herself." Dash chucked a bit. "'Course I politely declined, both for Scoots' sake and mine, it had to just be the two of us to finally make this happen."

Fluttershy ran a forehoof through Dash’s mane. "I umm... don't really understand what the problem is, Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo was hurt while you two were flying? That's not exactly uncommon. We both got hurt all the time during flight camp s-"

"She can't fly, Shy."

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. "Well, umm, I know. Thats what we've been talking about this whole t-"

"No. I mean she can’t fly, Fluttershy.”

The tender mare's eyes grew wide. "But... I... what do you mean?"

Rainbow's face sank back into her lovers lap, her response strained and muffled. "I mean she can't. Ever. Her wings may have finally gotten bigger but that's not the problem. The muscles never grew with 'em. They're too weak to get her off the ground..."

Dash's voice wavered as she forced the next statement out into the open. "She'll never know what flying is like."

Fluttershy's hooves froze on Rainbow's back as a tiny gasp left her lips. "Oh... Oh my goodness... Rainbow Dash I-I'm so sorry..."

"Don't apologize to me! I don't deserve it!"

Fluttershy reeled back, confused. "Don't deserve it?"

"Don't you get it?! This is all my fault!"

Fluttershy brought her hooves back to Dash’s back. ”Rainbow Dash, you can't possibly-"

Flustered hooves rejected the embrace as Rainbow bolted upright. "I ran away, 'Shy! The doctors left it to me to tell her and I couldn't do it! That look in her eyes, that way she always looks at me, with that stupid amount of respect! Like I can do no wrong or something! I couldn’t betray that!” Fluttershy reached out again, Dash less resistant than before, but kept her gaze on the floor. “She still had hope, Shy. She still believed. I couldn't take that away from her. Not after I had fanned the flames for so long."

Rainbow’s ears drooped as she let out a long sigh. "How can I just go on with my life as a performance flyer after this?! How am I supposed to keep on with the 'Bolts with a clear conscience?! I can't even make it to Cloudsdale! Every flap of these damn things is a reminder of what I did to her! How I-"

A yellow forehoof dug deep into Dash's shoulder blades, right above where the wings met her back, Fluttershy expertly massaging the tense muscles just below the surface. The Wonderbolt groaned in a mix of annoyance and delight as Fluttershy silenced her protests. "Rainbow Dash… stop it."

Fluttershy's hooves moved their way down Rainbow's back, causing her wings to shudder. The meek mare paused to take another sip of her tea before returning her hooves to Dash. "You can't possibly be to blame for this, Rainbow Dash. How could you even think that? Did you decide that her wings were going to be like that?"

"No, but-"

Did you have anything to do with her wings being like that at all?”

“Well...no…”

Shy’s hooves slowly danced across Dash’s uniform and wrapped around her neck, her breath tickling the back of her head as she nuzzled her. “Then there isn’t anything to feel guilty about, is there?”

Dash was silent for a moment, mulling the idea over before snorting in disgust. She shoved Fluttershy off of her a bit more forcefully than she had wanted, sending the tender mare flying into the cushions as the speedster jumped away from the undeserved warm embrace. "Don't you get it?! I built her up for years, Shy! Why do you think she wanted to fly so bad, huh?! Why?!”

Fluttershy remained silent.

“Because I kept showing her how awesome it was! All these years I've flaunted the sky in front of her, pushing her just a bit harder, making sure she never gave up!" Dash sank to her haunches, tears beginning to return. "I’m supposed to be Loyalty…” She winced and shook her head violently, the sound of her forehoof striking the ground echoing through the quiet cottage. “So of course, the one pony who looked up to me more than anyone else, I betrayed with years of empty promises and false hope..."

Dash retreated, purposely letting her hooves give out as she collapsed in the middle of the room, curling into a ball and burying her face in her forehooves, desperately attempting to mask her whimpering. “I don't deserve this uniform, Shy. I’m a monster.”

Fluttershy folded her forehooves and sat patiently on the couch, giving Dash her space for a few minutes, making sure to never look away so Dash always saw a friendly face the few times she peeked out from behind her mane. When she reasoned it was safe, Shy slowly got on her hooves and inched her way over to her lover, her home quiet save for delicate hoofsteps and muffled sobbing. Rainbow was enveloped in a sea of cream as Fluttershy's surprisingly large wings embraced her, her soft pink name cascading down around Dash's face and dominated her vision. She blinked a few times to clear the tears and when she looked up, she saw only Shy, her delicate smile and bright, beautiful eyes at the end of a cerise and cream tunnel. Hooves unseen wrapped around her neck, and suddenly Shy's lips touched hers, a simple sign of affection with a subtlety and grace that was requisite of her lover. Rainbow Dash had felt that touch a million times but it never failed to make her heart skip a beat. She wanted to still be angry, to remember she was awful and didn't deserve to feel such things, but under Shy's touch she was powerless. Fluttershy kissed her a second time before settling down next to her on the floor, caressing a cheek with her own.

“You know… I have something I need to apologize for too.”

Dash could barely respond, her body a mix of emotions. “What?”

“Remember that time when I told you there was a new Daring Do book out?”

“What? Yeah but…”

“And we went to the store to go get it, and I was so excited that I had found it for you that you started to get excited too? But when we got there, you told me it was just a new collected edition of the first three stories."

Rainbow was confused. "That was a long time ago, Shy. What gives?"

"I just wanted to say I’m sorry for that. I lied to you that day. I’ll try to be more loyal to you in the future.”

The Wonderbolt scoffed as she raised an eyebrow. “Shy, you don’t need to apologize for that. You didn’t even do anything wrong. You had no idea that it wasn’t a new book. You were just trying to do what was best for m-”

Rainbow suddenly froze, eyes widening as her gaze fell to the floor, the realization setting in. She looked back up at Shy and smiled, the timid mare having the closest thing to a smug smirk that she could muster, the typical expression she'd adopt when she knew she had Dash beat. Cyan wings intermingled with yellow ones, and suddenly Fluttershy was on her back, pinned by athletic muscles and under assault of a maelstrom of sloppy kisses, her coat stained with the occasional joyous tear. Dash finally let up as she nearly crushed the smaller mare in a bear hug, relishing in her warm coat and soft giggles.

“How the hell do you do it, Shy?”

Rainbow felt Shy’s shoulders shrug a bit against her embrace as she struggled to suppress a laugh. The Wonderbolt nearly joined her.

“What should I do now?”

Fluttershy gave her lover an extra squeeze, bringing her even closer with one final act of comfort, running her muzzle up Rainbow’s neck before stopping right below her ear.

“Go to her.”