What Happens in Tartarus

by Sleepy Panda

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe
Length: 2437

What do the villains stuck in Tartarus do to pass the time? Annoy each other, of course!

What do the villains stuck in Tartarus do to pass the time? Annoy each other, of course!

Set in some sort of alternate universe where all villains, including Discord, were sent to Tartarus for their crimes.

This is a collaboration written by PinkiePieFox and I, originally written sometime in the summer of 2014.

Rated teen for language.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-22 01:30:12 UTC

Really should stay in Tartarus

King Sombra growled angrily and kicked the toilet.

The toilet was clogged again.

“I, the majestic King Sobra, ruler and conqueror of the Crystal Empire, command you to flush!” he shouted.

Tirek raised an eyebrow. "Well what did you expect, luxury high-tech toilets? We're in Tartarus, for Celestia's sake."

Sombra whirled around angrily to face Tirek. "And YOU! Why are you in the bathroom with me? Get out!" he growled. He fired up his horn and blasted the toilet with a ball of fire. "Stupid toilet!" he shrieked. Tirek rolled his eyes and stayed standing in the bathroom.

"What the hell?" said Queen Chrysalis, marching in to see what the commotion was all about. "What are- Luna's tits, what did you do?!" she demanded, rushing over to the shattered toilet. "Great, just great. Congratulations, you have officially destroyed the only toilet in Tartarus. You win NOTHING. Where am I supposed to go to the bathroom now?"

The Toilet gurgled its death song that sounds like a bubbling word, “Avenge thee.”

“Mr. Toilet has spoken,” came a voice, and in that moment, Sombra burst into flames, causing him to roll in the flood on the floor.

“The Bee’s no not the Bee’s!” Sombra screamed.

Discord chuckled. “Well Chrissie my dear perhaps we can just teleport it away.” He snapped his fingers.

Chrysalis felt lighter suddenly. “Ahh much better,” she exclaimed. "But where did it all go?"

Tirek smacked his lips, making a face. “I taste brownies.”

Sombra soon stood covered in hot fudge. “I hate you all.”

Chrissy rolled her eyes; Tirek picked up a piece of toilet and ate it while Discord turned Chrysalis into a Scootaloo.

That exploded… “Oh how I love this place…”

Tirek growled, “We are here to be punished, Discord! Not enjoy ourselves!”

“Oh perhaps you are, my fine Centaur! But I was hired as a guard for my expertise.” Discord snapped his fingers again, turning the one large Tirek into a multitude of smaller ones with Sombra heads. Sombra now had one normal sized Tirek head; the toilet reappearing, but now black and filled with holes. Gargles from the toilet came out in Chrissy’s voice.

“Discord, I will kill you,” the voice snarled. “Well, at least I no longer will need to use the toilet.”

"No but I do," Tirek’s head said.

“You better not!” the holy toilet replied.

“Your waste must go somewhere,” Tirek's head pointed out.

“Not back into me!” gurgled the screaming voice of the changeling Queen.

Bunches of Mini Tirek-bodied, Sombra-headed Centaur ants ran around the floor, swimming in marshmallow fluff.

Discord floated around, amused, drinking Fluffy pink unicorns dancing on rainbow Twilights from a mug shaped like Luna's plot. "Oh, I so do love chaos!" he exclaimed. Everyone ignored him.

“Too bad," Tirek’s head on Sombra’s body replied before moving over to the holy toilet. There was a muffled sound from Chrissy as Sombra sat down. There was a sound of a car alarm before a multitude of bubbles were blown out of the holes in the toilet floating out and picking up the Centaur ants with Sombra heads and floating them away into a lake of liquid Cantaloupe. Mini screams of drowning cantaloupe ants could be heard as they died horribly in a sea of fruity death.

Discord grinned. This was turning out to be a pretty good day.

***

Dear Princess Celestia,

Can I stay in Tartarus for longer than you sentenced me to? It is just so wonderfully chaotic here and I'm really spending some quality time with my new friends. Besides, I don't have to  see any of that awful fireball you insist on raising every morning. I can't seem to convince Moonyface here to bring eternal night upon Equestria again. Ever since I've asked, she's been avoiding me. Oh well. Oh, I do wish Fluttershy was here with me.

     Your best pal,

     Discord

     P.S. I left little Lu-lu a gift in her closet.

Princess Celestia read over the letter once again to make sure she hadn't misread it. Moonyface? Oh, that must be Nightmare Moon. Wait a second, how was he able to send her a letter from Tartarus? She took his magic away; she remembered clearly. Wait... Did she?

"Horsefeathers," she muttered. This was not good. Turning to a member of the royal guard, she said, "Wake my sister at once. We have a dire emergency on our hands." The guard member started to tremble and Celestia sighed and fired up her horn. "Here," she said as she cast the spell on the terrified guard, "I put a protection spell on you. Princess Luna can’t impale you with shooting stars." The guard stayed where he was. "Or banish you to the moon," Celestia added.

The guard bowed low before running off in the direction of Luna's day chambers. Celestia waited and listened for the outburst that was sure to come.

One minute... Two minutes... Three minu-

"WHO DARES INTERRUPT US DURING OUR ROYAL BEAUTY SLEEP?!"

The entire castle fell silent.

Celestia sat down with a cup of tea and a cake as her younger sister stormed into the kitchen.

"Tia, what is the meaning of this?" she demanded, reaching for the cake.  Before she could grab a slice, Celestia whisked the cake away in her magical grasp and shoved the entire thing down her throat while Luna stared at her with wide eyes. "But sister, your diet!"

Celestia shrugged and licked the chocolate frosting off of the corners of her mouth. "I'm an alicorn, I can always do some fancy magicking to get rid of this," she said, pinching the fat on her stomach. "Luna, we have a problem."

Luna nodded. "I agree. You've gone crazy and I need to take you to the Royal Physiatrist immediately!" she declared, standing up and quickly downing the rest of Celestia's tea.

Celestia shook her head. "No, that's not it. Discord has his magic in Tartarus."

Luna spat the tea all over Celestia's pristine white fur. "WHAT."

Celestia nodded grimly. "Let's go sister. We must fix this before things get too bad down there."

"No," Luna protested. "It's the middle of the day. Let's do this late afternoon when I will be less likely to fall asleep in the middle of Tartarus."

"Okay," Celestia agreed, "meet me back here in late afternoon."

***

"Stop it!" shouted Chrysalis, now back in changeling form.

"How about youstop it! You're the one strangling me!" rasped Tirek.

"Only because you pushed me into the boiling purple mustard lake!" Chrysalis shot back, but she released him anyway,

"Actually, that was me," admitted Sombra.

"Oh-" Tirek stopped for a moment to catch his breath. "For the love of evil, look at us! We're fighting over nonsense. I mean, how do you think a boiling purple mustard lake got in here in the first place?"

Everybody's eyes slowly turned upwards to see Discord floating on the ceiling with a pineapple on his head. "What, why is everyone looking at me?" he asked innocently. The pineapple turned into a halo and exploded, causing a truckload of confetti and spaghetti noodles to rain down on Sombra's head.

Sombra stared straight ahead, his mouth in a tight line as noodles slid off of his head and onto the ground. Discord burst into laughter. "Oh my, you should see your face right now. BWAHAHAHAHA- wait a second, why am I laughing like Rainbow Dash? Oh dear, maybe the element of loyalty is starting to rub off on me."

"Oh no, how terrible," Sombra deadpanned, using his hoof to push some of the noodles off of his head. They landed on the floor with a loud plop. "I'm just stuck in Tartarus with a crazy freako, a bug, a tyrant, and a monkey."

Everybody turned to glare at him.

"Excuse me?!" said Chrysalis, insulted.

"I am NOT a monkey, you fool," hissed Tirek.

"Ape, whatever," says Sombra, dismissing it with a wave of his hoof.

"More like jerk," countered Discord. "This guy here betrayed me. We were friends; a good friend does not betray their friends. A friend must remain loyal," he said with a sniff of disdain.

Chrysalis smirked. "Well well, looks like the element of loyalty is rubbing off on you. You know, I really hope the element of kindness rubs off on you next; it would benefit us all. After all, you spent so much time with that little yellow bi- AH! Hey, stop that!" Chrysalis found herself thankfully still in the form of a changeling queen, but now hot pink and having no legs. "Discord, when we get out of here, I'm going to change into a muscular stallion. Then, right in front of your pretty pony friend, I'm going to kill you and fu-"

Discord snapped his fingers and Chrysalis's mouth hopped off of her face and turned into a tree, which promptly grew five thousand feet tall and sprouted fruit that looked suspiciously like Discord. "Ahh, much better," Discord said, picking one of the fruits.

"I'm awesome!" declared the fruit right before Discord bit into it. Then it started screaming in agony.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-”

"WHAT ARE YOU IMPUDENT DIPSHITS DOING THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WORTH WAKING ME FROM MY BEAUTY SLEEP?!" a voice boomed.

"Hehe, you're in deep shit now, Discord," muttered Tirek. Discord hurriedly got rid of the tree and returned Chrysalis's mouth to her face.

Nightmare Moon stormed into sight, positively livid. "I think that I should take all of your heads off and-What in Equestria? Okay, who is responsible for this mess?"

All hooves and a single hand pointed to Discord. Nightmare Moon sighed. "I should have known. It's always you.

"Now, I have recently sensed a large amount of power realizing that we have access to magic, and I have no doubt that it's the royal sisters themselves," she said, spitting out the word royal as if it were the dirtiest word in existence.

Discord laughed. “Now why would Lu-lu and Tia ever want to come here?” he scoffs. "They're too prissy and proper to set a hoof in here. Well, I guess they've been banished here before but that's different." He shrugged, indifferent.

"Well, it seems that someone decided to send them a letter," Nightmare Moon seethed, glaring daggers at the offending draconequus. "Either way, we have a huge mess on our hooves. Literally. It's a garbage dump in here. I managed to retrieve a small storage of magic for you all to access down here, but it is now at risk because of your actions. Do you want to go millennia without magic? No? I thought not. Go clean up this mess before the Princesses arrive," she demanded, walking away.

"What about you?" Sombra called out.

"I'm taking a nap."

*****

"Luna, wake up," Celestia said to the lump of blankets.

"Mmph nthnksmd," the lump replied, rolling over and telekinetically chucking a pillow at Celestia. Celestia sighed, looking down at her younger sister. Ever since her return from the moon, Luna had been awfully lazy.

Celesta let out a sigh, “Luna, if you don’t get up this instant I’m going to ban fun for all eternity…”

“THOU WOULD NOT DARE!” Luna bolted up in her bed, screaming in her Royal Canterlot Voice.

“No I won't, considering you are now awake. We have to go. Get out of bed, we need to go find Discord and strip him of his powers.”

Luna just sat there on her bed, smacking her lips together trying to get the morning mouth to go away. Her hair ragged and eyes drooping, she looked over at Celestia with a deadpan glare. “I thought you took away his powers before you sent him to Tartarus…”

Celestia looked at her sister for a long moment, “Well, I thought I did too, but apparently I got distracted and... forgot...” She looked away with a blush.

“Sister…”

“Yes Luna?” Celestia looked up at her sister with a soft smile.

“I don’t care….” Luna then flopped back down onto her bed and rolled up in her blanket.

“Luna… ”

Luna sat back up looking Celestia dead in the eyes with a look that could kill, causing Celestia to pause. “Tia….” Luna hesitated for a moment. “We should just give it back….”

Celestia blinked. “G-give it back?”

Luna nodded. “All of it. I need a vacation. You need a break, and it would not hurt, the nobles are beyond annoying and it could not hurt to have a bit of excitement around here again. Just give him his reign back for a year, have him leave us alone and let us have a vacation.”

“B-but Luna, that… Do you really think that will work?”

Luna gave a sharp nod to Celestia.

Celestia looked at her sister for a long moment before nodding. “Okay, I’ll go, do that then…..”

Several hours later….

Discord appeared in the throne room in Canterlot. He was taking a bath in glass, but he seemed to be fine. After a moment Celestia walked up to him and placed something on his head. “Good luck.” And with a pop, she was gone.

Discord blinked, not even able to get out a reply after arriving he removes Celestia's crown from his head, frowning at it. “B-but I don’t want to rule; it's too much work,”

Celestia popped back in. “Too bad… Don’t destroy the world. Luna and I will be back in a few years. Also, Luna wanted me to thank you for her ‘gift.’ She'd also like to inform you that she's no longer afraid of spiders, and that she actually finds them quite adorable. In other words, your prank failed. Oh, and…” she kissed him on the cheek. “Take care.” With that, she disappeared once more, leaving Discord with a frown on his face.

“B-but ruling is boring! That's why I gave you the jobs in the first place!” he wailed.

The Day Guard appeared next to Discord coughing, “Um, King Discord, you have meetings to attend to now…."

“NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

And for the next fifty years Discord ruled over the kingdom of Equestria, and he was bored, so bored he transformed himself into a two-by-four for an entire year just to show it. The royal sisters never returned and Discord was stuck with ruling over the empire. After three years he broke his friends out of Tartarus to be his advisers and Equestria was prosperous for eons to come. Sort of. It was prosperous by Discord's, Tirek's, Queen Chrysalis', King Sombra's, and Nightmare Moon's standards.

The End.