Chapter 2: Wait a minute, you're not dead! YES!!!

Chapter 2:  Wait a minute, you're not dead!  YES!!!

-KIIIIIINNNSSS!!!!!!!

A brilliant flash of light overtook me, killing me instantly.  I didn't even feel pain because it happened so quickly.  It was just FLASH! Dead.

Wait a minute, how am I still thinking.  Everything's still white, too... Is this purgatory?  I didn't think it was a thing, but apparently it is...  Can I move?  Okay, I can wiggle my fingers and toes.  Can I move my upper body?

*Thunk*

"OW!"

Well, that was a graceful way to start my afterlife.  Twenty seconds in and I've already hit my head.  Wow...

Wait, I felt that.  I felt that!  I'm not dead?  I'm not dead?!  Huh, that's a surprise.

+Wait, we're not dead?+

'We're not dead!'

+Holy shit...+

'I know right?'

+Celebrate?+

'As soon as my vision comes all the way back.'

+Wait, your vision hasn't returned yet?+

'Dude, you're in my head, you should know this.'

+I can see perfectly fine...+

'What?'

+Yeah, let me... oh wait, I'm in full control of your eyes, that's why!+

'Give it back...'

+I think I'll keep it fo-+

'Give me back my eyes or I'll think about horrific porn images.'

+OH GOD!  TAKE IT!  TAKE THE EYES!+

'Thank you, now that I can see... where the fuck are we?'

Looking out of my truck through the (surprisingly still intact) windshield, I take notice of the flora that surrounds us.

+We aren't in Kansas anymore/+

'We weren't in Kansas to begin with...'

+Damn it, you ruined the joke...+

As far as the eye could see, there was dark, foreboding trees.  The bark was brown, as it should be, but seemed to have a reddish tinge to it, and almost appeared to glow unnaturally.  Looking out of the driver's side window revealed more of the same trees, and the passenger's side... Well, what do you know?  More fucking trees!  This wouldn't be odd normally.  I mean, I was just in a fucking forest, but these trees were unfamiliar.  These weren't the oaks that I've come to know and love, no... These trees were for more sinister...

It almost reminds me of-

I blinked.  Once...Twice...a third time.  I started piecing together things in my head.  The freak thunderstorm.  The lightning phenomenon.  The convenient timing of the cutoff so if anyone heard just the end of it they'd have no idea what was going on.

"Mother fucker, I'm the main character in a shitty fanf-"

*BONK*

"Now now, we can't have you knowing that, Mr. Night.  That would cause problems in the future.  Ms. Pie, would you be so kind as to pull that from the script?"

"I'm on it, Dissy!"

"Please stop calling me that..."

<<<===>>>

"Ugh, my head... what happened?"

+We blacked out...+

"What, did we get hit by something?"

+Dunno, feels that way though.+

Well, where was I?  Oh yeah, finding out where the fuck I am.  To start, let's get a look around.  Stepping out of my truck, and drawing my revolver as a safety measure, I began sweeping the nearby area.  As I went, I started making mental calculations.

Okay, I landed in a strangely perfectly circular clearing.  The entirety of the ground in this clearing is scorched, as if it was hit with a high temperature substance.  A magma burst, or lightning fits the bill, but it seems a bit large to be lightning.  The clearing stands at somewhere close to fifty yards in diameter, making it feasible for a proper camp setup.  The clearing is nearly surrounded with trees, but has a conveniently located opening which leads to a river.  This spot is perfect aside from the fact that I might not be able to grow food here.  Almost too perfect... actually not even almost.  This clearing was too perfect to set up camp in.  Murphy is sitting there, just waiting for me to do it... on the other hand, I don't have much else of a choice...

"Oh wait, I have a fucking radio!"

Crawling back into my truck, I grabbed the mic, flicked on the receiver, and hit the GPS marker.

...

"This is a request for rescue.  I am currently lost in the middle of a forest.  I am not familiar with the local flora, and am not sure what is safe to eat.  I have approximately three days of food stored up, and if I stretch it, I can make it last a week.  My GPS chip is either damaged, or broken, as I am not receiving coordinates from it.  This message has been recorded, and will repeat every fifteen minutes on every frequency until I get a response.  My receiver will be available for responses in ten seconds."

*sigh* "I guess that'll do."

+So what now?+

'Now I set up to stay a while'

[Hello?  Art thou still there?]

(Excuse the fourth wall breach, but please insert the alert sound from Metal Gear here!  Thanks!)

Rushing to pick up the mic, I respond.

"Yes, yes.  I'm here, may I ask who I am speaking to?"

[Thou speaketh to Princess Luna.  We are worried for thou.  Art thou okay?]

'That name...  I know that name, but from where?'

+It'll come to us.+

'Yeah...'

"I'm fine, but what's with the Olde English crap?"

[We- I apologize.  I'm still having trouble adjusting to the current speech.]

"Ummm... Okay.  Listen, I'm in a bit of a pickle here, can you help me out?"

[We will do o- I mean, I will do my best to be of assistance, but first, you must answer my question.]

"Really?  This had better not be one of those 'riddle for help' bullshit things."

['Tis certainly not.  W-I'm simply wondering how you managed to speak to me telepathically.  Breeching into the mind of a goddess is no easy feat, after all.]

"..."

[Well?  I'm waiting...]

"Telepathically?  What the fuck are you talking about, lady?  I just used my radio!"

'Telepathy, bunch of magic hocus pocus... magic...'

+A clue!+

'Maybe...'

[So vulgar!  Yet, so intriguing... A radio you say?  What is this radio?]

"What you're using to talk to me right now, I'd assume...  That's the only way we could talk to each other."

[So it is telepathy?  How have you mastered it so well?]

"J-Just..." *sigh* "Okay, it's telepathy.  I use a device to enhance my abilities."

[What sort of device?  Didst th- Did you make it yourself?  Why have I not heard abou-]

"If you get me out of here, I'll give you an in depth tutorial.  How's that sound?"

[I accept your offer.  Describe thine location.]

<<<===>>>

[I see, based on your information, you're at the western edge of the Everfree Forest.

+*shatter*+

(Wait, you can't combine those, it's confusing to the readers!)

+Add it to the key, 'cuz I just did it!+

'Did you just break something in my head?!'

+No, that shatter sound was the sound of revelation.+

'What?'

+Piece it together, I'm surprised you haven't already.+

'Piece wha- Oh...  Oh no.  Oh no no no no no!  Oh nonononononononononononono...'

<<<===>>>

"...YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!"