Mayor Mare is sick of Twilight Sparkle's Crap

by TheBigStallowski

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Mayor Mare, Other
Length: 1757

Everypony loves Princess Twilight, right? Well, except for one certain imporant Ponyville resident.

Mayor Mare has been feeling very under the weather in the past few years ever since Twilight Sparkle arrived. While many regard the Princess's protege's residency in the small town to have been a good thing, Mayor Mare sees things very differently.

Published 2014-08-16 22:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-16 22:00:03 UTC

The bar

Mayor Mare is Fucking Done.

~~a novella~~ ~~a short story~~

A thing by:

TheBigStallowski

Before the defeat of Tirek, Ponyville was a city well-known for its beautiful mornings, but that was about it. Since the erection of Twilight Sparkle’s castle, however, there is now something to look at when the sun sets as well; the glittering branches and magical leaves of the Princess of Friendship’s new home, glistening in the moonlight like a polished gemstone.

All of Ponyville’s citizens bear witness to this spectacle of magical architecture, as it towers above and greatly outshines the homes and simple shops of the small town. It can be seen from everywhere, except for one tavern on the edge of town: “The Everfree Watering Hole”.

Ponyville’s residents have so far enjoyed seeing the marvel of Princess Twilight’s new castle, but in this lone tavern was the one mare who despised it. The old, begrudged mare sat on the stool at the edge of the bar; she was a popular face and the last thing she wanted was to be overwhelmed by ponies. It wasn’t a high priority anyway; she simply needed to get away from it all. She observed the old wooden fixture of the bar, running the tip of her hoof against its uneven surface.

“What can I get ya, Mayor Mare?”

Ponyville’s forlorn mayor barely made the effort to look up and acknowledge the bartender. “The usual,” she said as she continued running her hoof along the wood. Seemingly already prepared for that response, the bartender quickly made her a whiskey old-fashioned. Being from Baltimare himself, he did not learn precisely how to make the drink until moving to Ponyville to take over the Watering Hole.

Setting the glass on the table, Mare eagerly took the glass with her hoof and downed quite a large sip before clumsily slamming it back against the table. The bartender simply let out a sigh, placing his hooves on the bar.

“Alright, I know you told me not to ask, but I’ve noticed you’ve been coming here a lot more than you usually do in the past months. What’s going on?”

She looked up at him, a mix of anger and confusion in her eyes. “What’s going on?” Mayor Mare let out a light chuckle as she sat herself up straighter, no longer in a depressing slouch on the bar. “What’s going on? How long have you lived here in Ponyville?”

The bartender hummed, scratching the scruff of his muzzle. “Five years ago I came and took over the Watering Hole. Why?”

She adjusted her glasses, looking him square in the eyes. “Then you know what’s been going on. It’s the damned teacher’s pet! Or rather, ‘Her Royal Highness’ now.” She carried tired disdain in her voice.

Her words were met with a confused stare, followed by laughter. “Wait? You don’t mean Twilight Sparkle? The once harmless little unicorn–”

“Don’t you dare call her ‘harmless’!” hissed the angry mare, causing the bartender to step back in surprise. Mayor Mare had always seemed to have a calm, gentle demeanor in town and only a quiet, pensive attitude on nights at the bar. Angry drunks are far from out of the ordinary, but Ponyville’s mayor? He was hardly sure he was talking to the same mare.

Mare took a deep breath, beginning what would likely be a long rant. “I had a good thing going on. You remember your first couple years here? This was just a nice, quiet backwater town and everything ran smoothly. Sure, we would be a little late with Winter Wrap-up each year, but aside from that little bit of frustration everypony was happy, content, and our economy was stable.”

Ponyville’s mayor took another drink from the glass; emptying it and slamming it on the table again. She nudged it forward slightly, and the bartender began to refill as she carried on.

“And then that fucking teacher’s pet showed up. Sure, she was just gonna stay for a couple days to help us set up the Summer Sun Celebration, then she’d be back to Canterlot and away from here.”

“I don’t see what the problem is.”

Mayor Mare took her drink and greedily downed half of it. “She was the catalyst for disaster. Remember how calm and quiet everything was? Then all of a sudden, we get Nightmare Moon descending onto our town and terrorizing the population.”

“Not like it was really her fault. And I mean, she did stop her.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame her for that. But it’s what’s made her stay here in Ponyville. And that’s when Tartarus poured through.”

The bartender trotted to a nearby patron, filling his mug as he spoke to the mayor. “I don’t think it was that bad. Sure, things’ve been out of the ordinary–”

“One million, one hundred and eight thousand, four hundred and ninety-six bits in property damage. All from that one Celestia-damned mare.” She took a deep breath, her eyes wide with malice. “First she caused mobs over her ticket shortly after moving here. Believe it or not, that was roughly two thousand bits.” The old enraged mare let out a chuckle, “Oh, remember how everypony always came out, socialized, bought things and such whenever Trixie would come to town to do her show? We made a couple hundred bits in revenue for that show every year. Then Twilight’s abilities encourage her friends to try to upstage Trixie. Somehow, that motivates two school-aged idiots to bring an Ursa Minor to Ponyville, causing two hundred thousand bits of damage.” Her tone and speed increased as she continued to speak in frustration. “Then Twilight destroys our water tower to tame it. Repairs and replenishment cost us another one hundred and twenty thousand bits.” The words came out even faster, as she spat each syllable with quick but untempered loathing. “All because a fucking entertainer exaggerated and made up a few stories!”

Mayor Mare slammed her glass on the bar once again, causing cracks to run up its surface. The bartender picked up the tumbler, inspecting it, and threw it in the trash. She did not notice: she was still seething with anger. “By Celestia! I’m surprised she doesn’t call upon the Royal Guard to destroy tabloid journalism! Can you get me another drink?”

“You sure? Think you’ve gotten plenty lately...”

The mayor took a deep breath, somewhat regaining her composure. “No no, I really just need to vent. I’ve been holding this in for a while. Just get me some hard cider.”

“One hard cider coming right up!”

She slouched once more, supporting her head with a hoof as she awaited her next drink. “You know, I know a lot about parasprites. There was a swarm when I was just a filly in Ponyville. It takes a special kind of pony to get rid of them, so once Pinkie came to town I instructed her on what she had to do to safely remove them. Rather than trust Pinkie, Twilight ends up casting a spell on the parasprites which causes them to eat buildings and property. That was over a hundred and ten thousand bits worth of damage.”

The mug of cider slid across the bar until Mayor Mare caught it with her hoof. She looked down into the translucent liquid as it sloshed back and forth in the mug. “But there’s still more...” she said hopelessly. “There’s still more.” Taking a swig from the mug and slamming it on the bar, she went on. “She attracted the God of Chaos here, causing Ponyville to become the ‘Chaos Capital of the World’ for about a day.”

“I don’t think I need to know all the specific costs. Especially for that.”

“Oh? For Discord? No charge at all because of the Elements, but it was her fault he came here of all places. Now let’s see what else...” she took another drink from her mug, sitting up. “Luna came to town to see her on Nightmare Night. That was a costly nightmare of over ten thousand bits of damage. And the bills when her fiendish little dragon grew and rampaged throughout the town? Astronomical.”

“Yeah, I recall that was the first time I saw you here on your own. You fell unconscious.”

“I preferred the hangover to the bill of damages. Believe me. She calmed down a bit afterwards, I’ll give her that. Her cutie mark spell which put Rarity in charge of weather easily cost us tens of thousands of bits, and then hundreds of thousands when she accidentally brought Tirek to town. The collateral from Golden Oaks’ destruction wasn’t repaired by the Tree of Harmony.”

“You got a fair point. I can see why you’ve gotten so frustrated.”

“I had a good thing going on. I really did.” Mayor Mare began chuckling, then laughing aloud. She had gone completely hysterical. “You know, I’m sure you remember before we had demons from Tartarus rampaging through town! Oh! Oh! Remember those three months of bad weather when Rainbow Dash needed therapy because Twilight got her friends to torment her with ‘The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well’? Why in Tartarus is that bitch the Princess of Friendship, anyway? She’s caused absolutely nothing but trouble and devastation for this once quiet and simple town. I don’t know about you, but I want her gone. I want that bitch gone!”

The bartender was once more caught by surprise as Mayor Mare hit her mug, launching it off the surface of the bar where it impacted the nearby wall, sending bits of wood flying. “I want things to go back to how they were before: before she took over my town and made everypony’s lives miserable! You realize that there’s a Zebra hate group founded on the edge of town because she let Zecora in! And the amount of minor damages caused because she would let Rainbow Dash crash through the library window.” The mayor stood up, yelling in the bartender’s face. “She never owned the library! It was and has always been public property! So guess whose pocket all damages to Golden Oaks went to!? Guess who had to pay every. Last. Fucking. Bit for repairs!?”

Mayor Mare collapsed back onto the stool, burying her head in her front legs resting on the bar. She shook with muffled sobs and moans. The bartender regarded her, then went to serve some reasonably impatient folks on the other side of the bar.

Outside, the crystalline Castle of Friendship glimmered in the dawn’s light.