The Elite Four

This was an extremely smart organ. It took a few hours for Celestia’s instructions through her seeing stone to acquaint me with all of the possible functions. It was practically able to record midi and generate its own effects.

I soared through the air at a leisurely pace. No point in proclaiming my awesomeness right now. I was moving with casual purpose. Flying over Ponyville was really a wonderful sight in the sunset, and the Everfree was almost not as terrifying as it usually was. Up ahead was the newly reëstablished Castle, still called the Castle of the Two Sisters.  I should know. I was the one who managed its restoration. I wanted to protect my sweet Anon. No, no, no, he’s not sweet; he’s just awesome. And he smells good too. But that’s not the point. I wanted to protect him. For all her kindness and shyness, Fluttershy was unable to control herself around him. I suppose I’m just better at restraining myself around her. I didn’t want to break my friendship with Anon.

No, I didn’t love him; not like that! He’s- like- my bro. And he’s always been my bro. Not that I’d mind him being my lover. Tartarus; I’d love it. No, no. I’m too cool for that. He’s always going to be my bro. I’m sure of it. Rainbow Dash is always sure… isn’t she?

The Everfree forest tree-line immediately halted and I pulled my gaze upwards again. There straight ahead was the castle. On the towers were the knock-out /feather-weight spell guns, automatically operated by a magical computer system in the towers. If there were something in the air, these spell guns would rapid-fire on them until said something was knocked out, and the other spell would gently lower them to the ground. They all kept pointing in their directions around the perimeter. Of course they wouldn’t point at me; I was authorized. I was the only mare who was authorized- other than Celestia, Cadence & Luna of course. He was my friend, and I had absolutely no romantic or mushy purpose for visiting him today. Nope, none whatsoever.

I just- wanted to listen to him playing the organ, that’s all- I mean, why not? His playing is beaut- um, awesome! And his hands are so skillful on that keyboard, I really wanna see how skillful his hands are stroking my- MANE!

Okay, get a hold of yourself, Dash. You’re just going to visit Anon so the two of you can have a good time. Not like that!

I sat on my throne. My poor butt on that hard, unforgiving, shiny golden object of evil called ‘throne.’ No matter how much cushioning I gave- through both pillows and cake, it always hurt to sit in. I suppose it’s the psychosomatic association between the throne and what I do while sitting on it. I suppose it’s really the ponies that are the pain in the ass, not the throne itself.

Stupid petitioners. They bleat like sheep- dragging me to things that the simplest bureaucrat should have been able to handle in five minutes. Unfortunately, my bureaucrats are as competent as the rest of the government, and so my sister and I are the only ones left to sort this crap out- well, still me for the time being. The sheep/ponies are still scared of her because old wives’ tales told of her horrors.

I should see her usage of the Royal Canterlot Voice on these whining nobles. She’d blast them through the doors. I’d try that, but last time I did, I couldn’t speak for a week. I should have kept in practice while Lu was gone.

Honestly, if it weren’t for me, these tartarus-bound unicorn nobles would have started a genocide against every well-off earth-pony clan in the country. They’re all criminals. Perhaps I ought to inceive a proletariat revolution and have them all executed. That’d be nice. They wouldn’t point to be as a hypocrite- they can’t. I used to be a unicorn too- before I betrayed Mother Platinum and ascended with my “illegitimate” earth pony cousin Lulu. We took away all their power and built an Empire. Those were good days. Lots of righteous bloodshed and mindless violence. That was a good century.

Then I started being a show off and basking in my own glory and shifted everypony’s sleep schedule to be only awake in my day. I was such a bitch then. Nightmare Moon was all my fault. At least I wizened up a bit. Even Smart Cookie and Starswirl couldn’t do that.

Oh, it looks like he’s finishing up. It’s been like three hours. I should have cast a secret mind-slammer spell on him and shut him up. Maybe I should make these nobles more afraid of me. Yeah. That’d be nice. Perhaps Lulu and I should switch places for a couple of decades and have some fun.

“And this, your majesty, is why I am so convinced that we should raise the taxes on those filthy, greedy mud-ponies to 50% and donate the proceeds to my newest estate in Canterlot.”

He’s done. Initiate economic argument Counter earth P. tax-up # 1 “While I do agree that you have a few good points to your argument, sir, eh..”

“Nose Turnup, your Majesty.”

“Ah, yes, forgive me, sir Upturn; your resemblance to sir Anal Upturn the Unprepossessing   melts faces together across the ages. Now, allow me to proceed to show you the consequences of these actions in the light of history. While I’m certain that your saintly and virtuous intentions of building an estate for orphans & widows is surely to be trustworthy, especially since you’re diplomatically immune to audits of your institutions, there is a background in the history of this country that I cannot allow to repeat.

“Now, five hundred years ago, while I was still in mourning for the passing of my sister, the Unicorns of Canterlot did just as you have proposed- increase the taxes of the Earth Ponies to 50%. However, there are actually things that the Earth Ponies do that are necessary for the growth of Equestria and her economy.”

“Bah! Your majesty, are you suggesting that Mud Ponies are actually capable of doing good?”

Filthy maggot. Time to lecture him like a third-grader. Or a Canterlot Unicorn who can’t read & write, and so hires his own scribes to write for him.

“Do you know where food comes from, sir Turnup?”

“I, ah, no, your majesty, but, how does that matter?”

“Sir, Turnup, when the tax was levied on Earth Ponies, they were unable to make any profit on the food that they grew. Food comes from Earth Ponies. I have seen it done hundreds of times.

Sir Turnup gasped. “You mean that the food I consume has been handled by those filthy, disease-ridden mud-ponies? They must have gotten mud in my food!”

“Sir Turnup, our food is made from the same thing that constitutes mud.”

He stood there like a deer suddenly exposed to a lantern.

“When the tax was raised, the Earth Ponies weren’t able to profit from the food they grew when they sold it to the unicorns, and so with the help of the pegasai, they refused to sell their food to the Unicorns. The Unicorns made a genocidal war that brought me out of my mourning. I was personally forced to execute every last unicorn of the house of Princess Platinum because they refused to make peace. You have run out my patience with your failure to comprehend simple logistics. My guards will now escort you to the nearest exit.”

After he was dragged out, the characteristic knocking of another noble sounded at the door.

“Enter,” I said through gritted teeth. As the door opened, I saw Blonde and white.

“BLUE!” I exclaimed from the throne. “Com’ere and give your old Auntie a hug!” I teleported him right in front of me, not allowing him a chance to respond, embracing my lovely little Nephew in my tired fore[leg]s.  I dragged him up and sat him on my lap.  “Oh, it’s sooo nice to see you, Big Blue. It’s been such a long day. You wanna watch me set the sun?”

“Agh- Auntie- can’t- breathe…”

“But first!” I said, dropping him to the ground in the adorable heap he is, “The royal supper!” I pulled out the seeing stone from behind my throne and tuned it to Luna’s chamber. “LULU!” I saw a form jump off view and crash down into her bed. “Breakfast!” I shouted before turning it off and teleporting myself and my sweet nephew into the dining hall.