Chapter 1:
The Shelf of Doom
A single candle flickered on a desk in a quiet little room, shining on a pile of books neatly arranged into awkward but functional stair steps. A tiny purple filly with dark circles under her eyes strained her tired little muscles, pushing a tome almost as large as herself up the book steps. With a quiet grunt, she slid the tome into place, finishing her architectural masterpiece. She clambered onto the new highest step and looked up. On the top of a shelf stood a single book that nearly made her drool: A Beginner’s Guide to Magic. It was so… beautiful. Slowly, cautiously, quietly, she stood on her hind legs and reached toward its shimmering, gold-encrusted cover.
"Almost theeere." she whispered.
She forced herself onto the tips of her hooves, which felt awkward but gained her a few inches.
"Just a little mooore."
She shifted all her weight onto one of her hooves and rotated her outstretched shoulder upward, upward, upward.
"Come oooon."
Her hoof was literally millimeters from the the book of her dreams. She could almost taste it. She flicked her hoof, trying to knock the book off the shelf, but it was still just a pinch out of reach.
She decided to take a big risk. Tentatively, very very tentatively, she grabbed onto the shelf, which creaked in protest, and gave herself a slight boost. Her hoof finally made contact with the book.
"Yes!" she whispered, flicking it toward the floor.
KATHUMP!
Her muscles tightened and her heart froze as she clung to the shelf in fear. That had been way louder than expected, and she definitely did not want to get caught in here. This room was completely off limits to her. It was where her father stored all of the precious, first edition tombs he and his ancestors had collected over many generations (why he also chose it as the storage place of the only copy of A Beginner’s Guide to Magic in the house was anyone’s guess). If she were caught, she’d be dead for sure. She heard a slight shuffle from the room next door, then silence.
It took an agonizing minute of said silence before she could safely assume she hadn't woken anyone.
“Whew,” she whispered, flicking the sweat from her brow, “that was a close woah--”
The weight of her outstretched hoof had titled the top-heavy shelf she was still holding on to.
“--yaaaaAAAAAHH!”
PAPHOMSHAFAFAFAFAFOOFOFOODUMDUMDUMDUM!
Every single book crashed onto the floor in a deafening cacophony of thumps and page flickers, burying the screaming unicorn in a huge pile of rare, first-edition literature.
A short moment passed.
“Pwaaaa!” the little filly screamed, penetrating the surface of the of the pile of books, taking in a huge breath of life-saving oxygen. This was not good; this was definitely not good.
BUMP!
One of the books she had pushed slid down the pile and made contact with the candle-laden desk, knocking the flickering flame onto the floor. It rolled until it stopped at the pages of the stray book, which began to burn almost immediately.
The filly’s eyes widened. She desperately jumped out of the pile, grabbed one of the books around her, and slapped the ominous flame with it repeatedly. This, unfortunately, caused the book she was using to catch fire, which she didn’t notice until--
“Oww” she said, blindly throwing the thing into the air and stuffing a burnt hoof into her mouth.
The flaming book flew backwards like a fireball, doing several flips before landing, dead center, in the middle of the big pile of its kin. All of the books burst into flames, filling the entire room with a glow of hellfire and making the filly scream, tears streaming from her eyes.
“What’s all the ruckus!?” a blue stallion said, nearly breaking the door down; he was wearing a sleeping cap.
The purple filly turned toward the stallion, whimpering. He stared, completely horrified at the glaring scene before him. A moment passed before his eyes narrowed tightly enough to look like thin lines. He turned toward the now red-eyed filly.
“Twilight Sparkle, you’re in BIG trouble young lady!” he said; his eyes were twitching.
Twilight sniffled as her father quickly grabbed a bucket, filled it with water, and dumped the water unto the fire, putting it out in one fell swoop, completely ruining most of the first edition books.
“How many times do I have to tell you before it sinks IN!?” he said, throwing the bucket down to emphasize his point.
He stomped forward and slammed his hoof right in front of her, looking into her enormous eyes.
“If you’re gonna start a freaking bonfire, you have to invite ME, dammit!” he said, looking absolutely heartbroken.
♫Doo Do Doo Doooo♫
♫When it's least expected♫
♫He’ll inject it♫
♫To his wife’s dismaaay♫
♫Smile, Twilight’s dad’s on aciiiiid♫
♫With a hocus pocus♫
♫He’ll loose focus♫
♫On what's happeniiiiiiing♫
♫While, Twilight’s dad is tripping♫
Twilight had absolutely no idea how she had gotten away with destroying several of her father’s precious tomes, but she didn’t dare question it. He had angrily told her to go to her room and get back in bed, so here she was, staring at the star charts that lined her walls, A Beginner’s Guide to Magic clenched between her nervous teeth. She closed her door and placed the book on her desk, climbing into her bed and underneath her star-themed covers.
What the hay happened back there? She had absolutely no idea. Her dad usually got much more angry than this when she messed with his stuff. It took Twilight an hour of pondering before she was able to drift off into an awkward sleep. For some reason, she dreamt about lamely executed references to old-as-dirt TV theme songs, whatever the hay that meant.
Twilight awoke to the muffled sounds of arguing parents. That couldn't be a good sign, especially given what happened last night. She crept out of bed and cautiously placed an ear against her door, but her mom's fury was loud enough to render such an action completely meaningless.
"What in Celestia's name were you thinking!? Where did you get this?!"
"Well... Dim was in town, and he kinda--"
"DIM!? Why are you talking to him!"
"Well, I just thought--"
"You're not a fratcolt anymore, Night Light! We have a daughter!"
"I know, but--"
"I want you to take all of this... this junk, and throw it away.”
"... but--"
"Right now!"
"Fine."
Twilight let out a sigh of relief. They weren’t arguing about her, which meant--
The sound of approaching hoofsteps cut that thought short. Twilight jumped under her covers just as the door creaked open. Her mom, Velvet, stepped toward the bed.
“Wake up, Twilight.” Velvet said in a stern voice.
Twilight slowly lifted her head out of the covers, but the second she saw what was there, she wished she hadn’t. Her mom looked angry enough to murder her on the spot.
“What. Were you doing. In your father’s study last night?”
Velvet’s volume was even and calm, but her eyes were practically erupting volcanoes.
“I… I… ” Twilight said, intensely focusing on one of the stars on her blanket.
“Twilight, look at me when I’m talking to you.”
Twilight gulped and looked. It was like staring into the deepest pit of Tartarus.
“I told you never to go in that room, and I did so for a reason.” Velvet said, volume increasing with every word.
“I know.” Twilight said.
“Then why did you do it!?” Velvet yelled, slamming the floor with a hoof.
Twilight’s heart stopped.
“What the hay do you think were you doing in there!? Do you realize how much damage you’ve done!?” Velvet said.
“I was… just trying to get a book.” Twilight said.
“... a... book.” Velvet planted her face into a hoof. “How many times have I told you to ask me or your father if you wanted a book?!”
“W-well, you were both aslee--.” Twilight said.
“Then you wait until morning!” Velvet screamed, “Do you realize how many ‘books’ you’ve ruined!”
Twilight pulled the covers up her face as her mom got closer.
“And those weren’t normal books, Twilight! They were one of a kind! You couldn’t get them anywhere else!”
Velvet’s eyes were inches from Twilight’s face.
“How many times have I told you never to go into that room, Twilight!? HOW MANY TIMES!”
Mother and daughter stared at each other for a moment that felt like hours. Velvet sighed and stepped back.
“I don’t want you ever going into that room without my permission again, got it?”
Twilight nodded.
“Breakfast will be ready in half an hour. Be there.”
Velvet trotted out the door, and slammed it shut.
Twilight lay silently in bed for a minute or so, then she turned toward her desk. The gold-encrusted book that her mom had somehow missed shone before her like a diamond. Her lips widened into a gleeful smile. She was actually going to learn how to do magic. She was actually going to take the first step toward becoming a full-fledged mage. Eeeeeeee.
She grabbed the book, pulled it open, and began reading.
A Beginner’s Guide to Magic
by Emily Cardtrad
Introduction
In recent years, Magic has become the breeding ground of a ton of snobbery and elitism. Experts are saying that it is impossible to become a true master if you aren’t born with some amount of raw talent. I happen to disagree with this sentiment. I firmly believe Magic can be mastered by anypony if she has enough dedication to properly hone her craft. Magic was never meant to be something kept only in the hooves of elitists. Magic is a joy that everypony deserves to share, a trading card game that the entire world should be welcome to play.
Twilight’s left eye twitched violently.
“Did you get rid of it?” Velvet said, taking three dishes out of a cupboard, eyeing her husband with ire.
“Yes, it’s all gone.” Night Light magically opened a bag of freshly cut salad leaves. “... but do you know how much money--”
“Save it.”
“Fine.”
Velvet placed the three plates on the table. Night Light dumped three portions of leaves onto the plates.
“How was your time with Twilight?” he raised an eyebrow. “Did it go well?”
“... it was weird.” she said, pouring orange juice into a cup.
“What do you mean?” he said.
“I really yelled at her a lot, but… she hardly reacted at all. I don’t think I got a single tear out of her.”
“That doesn’t sound like our Twilight.”
“I know. Do you think something’s wrong with her?”
A shrill, pint-sized screech echoed down the hallway, followed by what sounded like a filly’s head making contact with a wall in steady beats.
“Nope.” Night Light said.
