Derpy Writes A Novel

by Murp

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1735

After witnessing all Twilight's success with her latest novel, Derpy Hooves decides to get into the writing business herself.

Let's face it. Derpy's not good at anything. But that's OK, because she's so god damn adorable. However, it's not OK for the little grey mare, as she thinks her life amounts to nothing. So, watching Twilight Sparkle and her success writing books and fan fics, Derpy tries it herself. Unfortunately for a certain purple unicorn, Derpy's novel becomes more famous than hers.

Published 2014-08-17 05:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-17 23:21:20 UTC

Derpy's idea

Derpy Whooves sat at her little, wood table munching on her morning blueberry muffin. It was a bit burnt at the top, but Derpy liked it a bit crispy. At least, that was the story she stuck to. She didn't want other ponies to think she couldn't even bake a muffin correctly.

Because as it seemed, nopony liked Derpy. She was always being told she was doing something wrong, especially by Rainbow Dash, even when she tried desperately to suck up to her. The blue pegasus was always yelling at her, bringing her down. Sometimes she wished she could just-

The grey mare tried to push these thoughts out of her brain. She didn't like having negative thoughts about anypony in her head. She was nice, and that's the way she wanted to stay.

Before she knew it, her yummy treat was gone, and Derpy found herself biting the plate. She spit it out, a little saliva on it. She stood up, walked out the door, and flew up to Rainbow Shine, who was tampering with a heavy rain cloud.

"Hi RS." Derpy smiled, bits of her breakfast still in her teeth.

"Hi Derpy," the purple mare replied, pushing the cloud to one side to get rid of the cross eyed pegasus following her.

"What are you doing?"

"My job, like you should be doing as well." Rainbow Shine scanned her eyes across the sky. They finally met with a black stallion who was clearing some clouds that were blocking the sun. "Thunderlane looks like he could use some help."

Thunderlane's ears pricked up. He groaned as Derpy made her way to him.

"Hi, Thunderlane! Ya need some help?" she asked.

"Uh.. Um.. Fine Derpy.." He sighed and began to blow the clouds out of the way with his wing flaps.

Derpy put her back to the clouds, as was Thunderlane, and started to wildly flutter her wings.

The clouds swirled up and stack on top of each other.

"Um, Derpy, I think that's a rain cloud," Thunder informed, annoyance in his tone.

"Do we need rain this morning?" Derpy asked thoughtfully.

"No.. Well, Rainbow Dash didn't schedule one this week, but you better ask her."

"Oh, what's a 'lil drizzle gonna do?" Derpy got on top of the thick, black cloud, and started to hop furiously on it. Hard rain poured down, slamming Firefly, Fluttershy, and Cloudkicker to the ground.

"Derpy! Stop bouncing!" Thunder yelled, his voice muffled due to the intense amount of precipitation coming down.

"What? I can't here you!" Derpy called back, her voice also being lost.

"Stop the rain!" Rainbow Dash screeched.

Derpy heard that. She stopped bouncing and looked at the blue pegasus who was flying over to her.

"What in Celestia's name was that?" Rainbow snapped.

"Rain," Derpy bluntly replied, and under her breath, she muttered, "Duh."

"I meant, why would you do that?" Rainbow's voice was getting angrier by the second.

"I thought a drink would help the earth pony's plants grow larger," Derpy truthfully explained.

"Derpy, I think you should just go home. Right now."

"Bu-But."

"Now!" Rainbow didn't look happy at all.

Derpy looked at her, her gold eyes wide, as she hung her head and flew home.

"Oh, I'm so stupid." Derpy flopped down on her couch.

Dinky came up to her and rested her head in her lap. "What's the matter, Mommy?"

"Your mommy is an idiot, that's what." Derpy sighed, depressed.

"You're not dumb, Mommy." Dinky crawled up her mother and pecked her on the cheek. "You're just special."

"Thanks sweetie," Derpy sarcastically remarked, walking to her room.

Dinky looked at the door oddly. "Was it something I said?"

***

"In recent news, Twilight Sparkle, author of five best-selling novels, has released a new autobiography called Mare on Fire. I'm sure it'll be a great read." Trixie smiled at her companion, who was Dr. Whooves.

"A great read, indeed, Trixie. I'll be sure to pick up a copy," Dr. Whooves replied.

"I'm so tired of this Twilight girl," Derpy grumbled, breaking her "nice-to-everpony attitude". "It can't be too hard to write a book. I don't know why everypony pays so much attention to her."

Then, an idea popped into her head, "I can be an author! Not everypony might like me as a weather pony, but they can't hate me as a book writer."

The grey pony rushed downstairs. She went into a drawer and took out paper, pencils, and a box of crayons, a lot of them broken in half with the skin peeled off so only the wax was showing.

She sat herself down at the breakfast table with a pencil in hoof. Tapping her chin, she jotted things down on the paper while saying them aloud.

"What about.. A spider! Yeah! And the spider eats a pie. No wait, a muffin! But first, the spider has to bake the muffin," Derpy decided, scribbling it onto the sheet of notebook paper.

Dinky walked in, hearing her mother's voice present. "Hi Mom! Are you feeling better?"

"Better than better, Dinky!" Derpy didn't look away from her paper. When she was done writing, she proudly showcased her sheet. "I'm going to be an author!"

Dinky scrunched her nose, blinked twice, and fainted.

"Oh silly, Dinky. You don't understand how famous we're going to be." Derpy giggled, talking to her fainted filly. "We're going to have more bits that Celestia herself, and millions of ponies will kill to have a strand of our manes, just like Twilight Sparkle."

"We'll have our own t-shirts, and video games, and documentaries, and toys, and posters." Derpy fantasized.

Dinky twitched her back leg.

"Well, off to bed for you, young filly." Derpy walked over, picked her up, and brought her into her room.

Observation is key

Where we last left off, young Derpy Whooves got fired from her weather job, but found a new calling, and that's writing books. Let's read on..

Derpy had just finished tucking Dinky in when she thought of yet another idea.

"If I'm going to write a book, I need to know the process!" Derpy concluded, her mind racing. "And who better to learn from then Twilight herself?"

The bubbly mare closed the door in her daughter's room and skipped merrily outside into the starry night, grabbing a bag and the piece of paper she had been writing on on her way out.

Luna had just finished placing the moon in the sky, as she flew back to her castle.

Derpy crept through the sleeping town all the way to Twilight's tree house. She poked in through the window and saw the purple unicorn still up, reading one of her books.

The grey mare watched her flip page after page, not doing much else. Suddenly, she burst out, "Do something else!"

Twilight frantically looked over. She bookmarked her page and walked over to the window, opening it.

"Derpy! What are you doing spying on me?" she asked.

"I'm not spying. I'm observing," Derpy protested. Then, she took out her paper from the bag and showed it to Twilight. "See? I'm writing a story and I wanted to get to know how the process works, and you've already published five best-sellers, so I thought I'd observe you." She smiled.

Twilight stared at her for a moment and then broke out in laughter, "Y-you're going write a book! Ha ha ha!" Tears started to form in her eyes. "Oh Derpy that's the funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life."

Derpy felt tears forming in her own eyes, but not tears of laughter. They were tears of sadness.

"Derpy, I think it's really cute that you're writing your own book. Come in ya nut ball." Twilight gestured for Derpy to come inside through the window.

Derpy obeyed and crawled into the window. She fell on her tummy when she got into the house.

Twilight's face turned serious again, as she grabbed some paper, pencils, and a copy of the book she was reading, Flash's Candy. She then put them down on the table.

"Now, Derpy, every good story starts from a good idea. For example, my story, Flash's Candy is about Flash Sentry, a young, orange pegasus who loves Twilight Shimmer, a very beautiful unicorn."

"Is Twilight Shimmer based off of you?" Derpy asked.

"No!" Twilight quickly snapped, but cooled herself down. "Now enough of that, let's see your idea so far." She took the sheet of paper from Derpy's hooves and scanned her eyes over it. She looked up at the grey mare, who had a wide grin plastered on her face.

"Derpy, I don't think spiders eat muffins.. Let alone bake them," Twilight told her.

"And why not? Everypony loves muffins!" Derpy excitedly fluttered her wings, making the papers fly into the air.

Twilight used her magic to bring them down. She frowned and shrugged. "I'm not sure how to help you. Your idea is completely ridiculous and doesn't make any sense."

"Well, I haven't even written it," Derpy truthfully stated. "Can I come back in a week, or so, when I've finished the menuscript for it?"

"You mean, manuscript," Twilight corrected, a hint of amusement in her violet eyes. "And one week to write one is a bit absurd."

"I can do it," Derpy shot, louder than she should have. "And it'll be way more successful than all of your stories put together!"

"Okay, we'll see about that," Twilight smirked. Her horn revving up with magic.

Derpy bit her lip. She didn't mean to make a bet, but she didn't want to lose it, either.

"Out ya go!" Twilight smiled, her magic kicking Derpy out the window again.

She slammed it close and returned to reading her book.

Derpy lay on the cold, ground outside. She felt her skin shiver with nervousness, as she headed back home.

The damp ground left some of it's contents on her hooves. It also made a delightful squishy noise with every step, but it was hard for Derpy to enjoy it because of the weight on her shoulders.

Her mind ached for anyway to get out of the deal, but her heart and her pride wouldn't allow it. She was tired of being known as a pony who couldn't do anything. She wanted to do something with her life for once.

And that's just what she was going to do.