INGENUITY
by GeodesicDragon
A knocking at your door distracts you from your task of doing as many push-ups as you can before you arms start to ache. Getting up off the floor, you go over and open the door to reveal Twilight standing in front of you. Behind her, a blanket of snow covers the entire area — but not for much longer.
"Morning, Simon," she says sweetly. "You probably know why I am here, but I am going to ask you anyway. As you know, Winter Wrap Up is due to take place tomorrow, and I was wondering if—"
"Yeah, okay." you fold your arms and nod. "I'll do it."
Twilight blinks in surprise. "Wait, what?" she asks. "But you don't even know what I was going to ask you!"
"You want me to help out with the snow melting team again," you reply. "Because, as you said to me last year, my 'uncanny ability to carry lots of wood makes me a valuable asset to the team.'"
"Yes," Twilight replies. "But I also remember that you absolutely hated doing it last year." She cocks her head at you. "So why are you suddenly so keen to help out now?"
"No reason. It's just that I've got a little something that I've been working on." you wave a hand dismissively. "Something that should make melting snow a hell of a lot easier."
Twilight raises an eyebrow. "It's not magic, is it?" she asks. "Because you know that Ponyville doesn't use magic to help during Winter Wrap Up — something it took me a while to understand."
"It's not magic, Twilight." you sigh. "Besides, humans can't use magic... so I guess you could say that it is technology instead."
"All right, fine." Twilight sighs. "You can test your project, as long as it makes things as easy as you claim."
You hold out a hand. "Trust me, Twilight," you say, giving her a smile. "I know exactly what I am doing..."
Twilight looks at you for a moment, but doesn't say anything as she turns around and leaves your house. As soon as she does, you clap your hands together and laugh maniacally before rushing into your basement to put the finishing touches on your 'project.'
***
A slightly warm day greets you as you leave your house the next morning and head into town, carrying a bag on your back. The snow is in large piles around the area, waiting to be transported to the cauldrons for melting. It's great how the Equestrians reuse the water, rather than let it go to waste, but you won't deny that the whole process was rather laborious and irritating.
Getting closer to town hall, you can hear Twilight firing off instructions to the various ponies in each team. As you approach, she catches sight of you and smiles — only to divert her attention to the bag on your back.
"What's that?" she asks. "Is that the 'project' you mentioned?"
"It is." you idly pat the bag. "Just tell me where the cauldrons have been set up, and I'll take care of the rest."
Twilight points down the street. "Down there, and around the corner," she replies. "The other ponies on the snow melting team are already there, waiting for you."
"Right, I'm on it." you nod. "See you later, Twilight."
You head off in the direction Twilight pointed and soon find the area where several small cauldrons have been set up. Waiting nearby are two stallions, a pegasus and a unicorn, who are both standing around looking bored out of their skulls. They perk up as they see you approach, both of them giving you a nod by way of greeting.
You wave at the pegasus. "Hello, Silver Stomp," you say, turning to wave at the unicorn. "And hello, Doctor Haywick. It's good to have you both on my team again."
"Hello, Simon," Haywick replies. "I must admit, I'm rather surprised you agreed to do this again." He grins. "After all, you did complain a lot about having 'sore bones and muscles' last year."
"That was then," you reply. "And this is now. But worry not, my friends, for I have here a device that will make this task far less tedious than it normally is."
Silver Stomp rolls his eyes. "Oh, really?" he asks. "And how do you plan on doing that, Simon?"
You put your bag on the ground. "I'm glad you asked, Silver." you reach over and playfully ruffle his mane, making him groan in frustration. "As you know, we have to keep feeding these cauldrons with wood in order to provide a continual source of heat. Well, with this thing, we're not going to need any wood — as I am going to use it to heat the actual cauldrons instead."
Haywick and Silver look at you incredulously, the former eventually snorting with laughter. "You can't use magic," he says. "How on Equestria do you possibly expect to heat up twelve cauldrons?"
You grin. "Watch and learn, fillies." you unzip the bag and reach inside, pulling out your pride and joy and showing it to them.
The stallions' eyes widen at the sight of your project, the result of several months. It is a long metal tube, which is connected to a large container, with a large nozzle at one end.
"W-what the heck is that?" Silver asks.
"This, gentlecolts..." you cackle. "This is called a flamethrower, and I guarantee that it will be our best friend by the end of the day." You point at the fuel tank. "The fuel in here is a flammable liquid, which is sent shooting out of the nozzle — and then becoming a stream of fire when it comes into contact with this small flame at the end." You gently pat the weapon. "And, before you ask, the fuel in question is liquid rainbow... Pinkie Pie was telling me stories about it, and I realised it would be a great thing to use."
"Let me get this straight," Haywick says. "You are going to use that thing to heat up the cauldrons so that they melt the snow, thus eliminating our need to find any firewood?"
"It's a brilliant plan, is it not?" you reply. "All we have to do is sit back and relax, making sure to keep the things heated."
The two stallions exchange a look with each other, then they both turn to you and nod once — which is all you need to put the fuel tank on your back and walk over to the cauldrons.
And then, holding the weapon in both hands, you laugh manically and pull the trigger.
***
"Well then," you say nonchalantly. "I have to admit, that went a lot better than I expected it to."
"Oh, yes," Haywick replies. "It went very well indeed."
"I agree," Silver adds. "Really well."
The three of you look out of the window for a moment, sitting in silence before you speak again.
"Remind me again, guys... how much of Ponyville is still standing?"
The last thing you see before the world turns black is two forehooves suddenly flying towards you.
Author's Note
This probably seems a bit rushed, but I had a deadline to meet.
Nonetheless, I hope you got some laughs out of it.
