-12 Cups to Midnight-
Celestia set her cup of tea down. Her arcane grip retracting back into the ether from which it came. The noxious aroma emanating from the confines of the cup reached up and tickled her nostrils, as the vile fluid slid down her throat. Something near the very core of her being was triggered. An essence of understanding and clarity like no other she had ever felt. She could only drink twelve more cups of tea! Fate had allowed for her to maintain for a set number of years. But that time it seams had been shattered by the over zealousness with which her "most faithful student" had attempted to "cure" her of her "affliction". Having experienced twice her lifetimes worth of tea within a single day (which fate had arbitrarily decided was enough) she had but twelve cups to go.
Her body tensed as the thought of the truth spread through out her being. Her mind racing to find cover as the weight of a thousand worlds crashed into her consciousness. She desperately tried to asses the situation and regroup, calling on over a millennium of experience to guide her. Her thoughts were interrupted however by a small kind voice that spoke words of poison.
"Princess would you like another cup of tea?"
Celestia was no stranger to torture. In a curler age of forgotten time she had both presided over and experienced it first hand. But none could compare to the words that had just been uttered from the sweetest mouth in all of Equestria. Summoning the courage of the star fire from which all life burned Celeastia responded.
"Why thank you-
(May this brew burn forever in the seventh circle of tartarus!)
-Mrs. Cozy. This brew is indeed divine-
(May the ash of a thousand tea leaves burn with it in eternal agony!)
-made from the finest of Camellia sinensis magically grown and protected on the high slopes of Mount Priclus in the Griffon kingdom.-
(May the brew made from the ash of the tea leaves be vaporized in the lake of fire!)
-And as always masterfully prepared with a combination of thermal aquatic spells-
(And the vapor emanating from the lake be cast into the void so that it's pernicious aroma not blight my nostrils until the end of time!)
-that bind to the very essence of my enchanted tea set releasing the intoxicating aroma.-
(No words can describe my pain)
-which fundamentally enhances the tea drinking experience!" Celestia smiled.
(Jelly)
"However I'm afraid (she frowned) that as you know the un du twa al tête is tonight and though this brew is simply splendid-
(...Oh and cake...)
-I will have to decline another cup. As the strong magically enhanced astringent bitterness could ruin my taste buds for the tea sitting tonight."
My shinning intellect knows no bounds! Over a thousand years of omnipotent wisdom at my fingertips!
A sly smile appeared on the face of the dun coat mare. One that struck fear into the very heart of the ethereal one of timeless age who's ward was the day itself.
"Oh no your Highness. I'm so very glad that you brought this matter up for I knew weeks in advance of this event and worked hard for you to prefect my theory of thaumaturgy sapid decay. Which allows one to enjoy every facet of even the most bitter and astringent teas with out worrying about the prolonged after taste!
(A thousand years is very over rated.... So is omnipotence.)
"What a delightful discovery my little Pony!"
Celestias face beamed like the dawning of the day which was only made possible by the immediate destruction of over 100 stars going supper nova. She shivered to think what future astronomers might ask.
"Im sure the Equaestian Nature society on Herbology & Cha Dao will be quite fascinated by this revelation. And I assure you I will give them my personal recommendation on the subject!"
Ms. Cozy's mouth fell open.
"You will!? Oh thank you Princess!! This means so much to me and coming from you I mean! I really hoped that it would make you happy since I knew missing even one tea time for you would be such a tragedy - gulp - that I just couldn't bear it and I.."
At this point Mrs. Cozy began to *Sob*. Her tears streaming down her face and polling into small puddles on the ground below. Fulled by love, admiration and fulfillment of responsibility to the Celestial being standing before her.
Oh for crying out loud really!? I will have to talk to the Ecclesiarchy again about my deity status thing. I have made it very clear for the last three hundred years that just because I am immortal and can govern both the day and night. Does not make me a level 20 deity, it makes me a level 21! I can't stand this much fanatical driven admiration!
"Whatever is the matter!? For goodness sake don't cry Mrs. Cozy this is no time for tears, this is a time for joyous celebration you have created a completely new type of magic.-
(Don't expect to get wings for this.)
-One that will completely revolutionize the consumption of teas and tea time as we know it! You have made me very proud my little Pony!"
(Alas she had so much potential, had she not strayed from the path that I had set. Her talents could have been used to such great value. Oh Polaris why must you fight me so?......... What!? I'm a nice pony.....)
"*Sniff* Th-ank You Princess *Sniff* you don't know how much that means to me." Mrs. Cozy said while drying her eyes.
"You are quite welcome I am so happy to have had this conversation with you. Now I must be off to attend to my royal duties." Celestia smiled.
(....A very nice pony....)
Mrs. Cozy wiped her face and telekineticly reached for the royal teapot placed atop the royal tray. Smiling she quickly poured another cup and set it before Celestia.
"Don't forget you'r tea your Highness!"
(....Banish her to tartarus!)
Author's Note
I hate tea to. Also yes that is the Dooms Day clock, set to tea time!...... I make ponies cry!
("I have made it very clear for the last three hundred years that just because I am immortal and can govern both the day and night, and surrounding universe. It does not make me a level 20 deity it makes me a level 21!") for those of you who don't get the joke it comes from D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) rankings of deity's. In it a level 20 deity requires millions of followers where as a level 21 does not but is more powerful.
-11 Cups to Midnight-
Celestia strode down the vaulting hallway of Canterlot Castle. Each step taken with delicate poise and perfection developed over innumerable lifetimes. Immortality did indeed have its benefits of adroit refinement of skill over countless ages. She *sighed*. Her mind turning to darker thoughts.
Another cup had been drunk. If only she had been able to dispose of the offending substance into near by foliage, her plight might have been avoided. But alas it was not to be, for the vigilant eyes of her pure hearted subject pierced her like a sword. Watching her every move. Visible beneath there surface was the same teanaticism that had nearly drove her kingdom to the brink of disaster!
Lost deep in the wellsprings from which thought is born Celestia turned a corner and met her Royal Scheduling Adviser Kibitz.
"Ah Princess! Most excellent!"
Kibitz, as per tradition. Handed her a cup of ice tea which had been specially prepared to invigorate one as they viewed the morning schedule. Celestia took the cup and as per tradition, pored its contents into Royal Fern #290. Mentally marking the location so that she could return later to fully dispose of the substance.
This was done to avoid the frequent royal guard security scans. Who classified everything found higher then a level 2 foreign substance or over the 3 oz limit as a "Immanent threat". Thus proceeding to shut down all non essential functions (like being able to move) and promptly escort her to the palace bunker. Which had happened on numerous occasions before she had become more careful.
"Why thank you Kibitz" she said while pretending to sip her cup.
(The tartarus thing is getting old. I wounder if completely erasing one from the time stream counts as murder... If so I shall have to reexamine the laws.)
"Quite welcome your Highness! Now onto the pressing matters of the Day."
Kibitz straightened his glasses and ceremoniously *coughed* producing an enchanted scroll pulled from the depths of a pocketverse by arcane arts. Scanning the endless scroll which had been scheduled out to over three hundred years in the future. He found his place.
"Let's see date 1 700 256 .M22 . Date 1 780 256 .M22 Ah. Yes! Here we go. Tuesday September the first in the year twenty one thousand of her Majesty Celestia's reign."
(And still not looking, a day over 40.)
"At -0.83° Celestial degrees* your Majesty shall raise the sun marking the beginning of the day. Between -0.83cd° and 15cd° your Majesty will partake in the "First Light Celebration" hosted by his Illustrious Lord Helios. Where you shall be given the Adagio Golden Fire. A most exquisite of teas carefully prepared for you by his Lordship. Made with the mist of the morning dew-
(The poison of the poison joke.)
-the light of the days dawning,-
(No seriously it is. I've baffled many a would be assassination attempt or political move over the years to the amazement of my detractors.)
-the leaves of the golden star-
(This particular Lord has tried more then a hundred times to poison my royal cup of tea. Though more with the intention of creating an embarrassing political incident for me rather then a malevolent attack.)
-the fruit of the fire tree-
(Now if only they were to try cake then I might have a problem...)
-and the frosting of a Pinkie Pie cupcake."
Celestia mock spit her tea in surprise. Making sure to chemically change the composition of some of her spittle particles to tea. She turned and stared at Kibitz to inquire as to the nature of the previous statement.
"..Ye-s..". Kibitz stammered. "I will look into that.. "
Celestia turned back.
"*Sigh* Don't bother."
"Quite right. Here now where was I? Oh yes! During this period of time your Majesty will also receive a pre-briefing as to the status of the nation and the raelcun spell tome shall be officially transferred from the night guard into your protection."
Kibitz produced another cup of tea pulled from the castle kitchen and handed it to the princess. Which she quickly disposed of in Royal Fern #285.
"From there your Majesty will continue on to the ethereal plane where you will receive your full morning briefing and after re-manifesting your self in corporeal form. Proceed to the royal throne room to preside over morning court. Which will begin at 30cd°. Who's focus I am told will be on refining the intricacies of the tea trade!-
(Have you ever tried to prohibit the production and distribution of a substance that was previously legal? Let me tell you it is not fun.)
-After the completion of morning court at 45cd° you will be visited by the diplomats from Griffonia. Who I am meant to expressly remind you to respect there beliefs and abstain from eating the ceremonial cake, which they believe is a lie.-
(This day just keeps getting better.)
-Of course you will still be treated to the morning tea graciously prepared by there finest artisans!"
(Now where did I put those banishing spells I used on the crystal empire?)
"At 60cd° your Majesty shall survey Equestria from her Highness chambers atop the castle. I am told that the T&D department will be genie pigging a new Green tea patch. Ment to help you improve your focus and eyesight over long distances. If successful I am told that they will begin trial runs on members of the royal guard in order to augment there already exceptional collection of combat teas!"
(For science! And the military tea industrial complex. )
Kibitz smile widened as he read the next paragraph
"Morning tea time will begin at 75cd°! During this period several members of the royal court shall partake in pleasantries with you over tea and cakes.-
( Bureaucrats sipping tea in a circle government at its-Did somepony say my name!?!!)
(...)
(Hi my name is Pinkie Pie and I want to be your screen friend! :D )
(............)
-The discussion should be quite engaging I am told.
(You can Like! Like! Like! Me on ......
( ...Pinkie)
(Oh hi Princess Celestia! Wow your here to!?!)
-As it pertains to the topic of conflict resolution-
(Get out of my head!!!!)
(Ha! ha! ha! Silly me of course you are :D)
Through peaceful negotiations."
( Be gone! You insatiable eldaritch abomination!)
(.....)
(.............)
(......Oh! I'm so sorry for saying that Pinkie Pie I..I don't know what to-)
(-Hold everything everpony! My cameo isn't till after midnight... Se ya gotta go :)
(...l..l)
"Princess? Princess! Did you hear me!?"
Said a cross Kibitz who was standing in front of Celestia.
"I said that at 180.83cd° the reigns of all government functions shall be passed to your sister and after which will begin the festivities of the Un du twa al tête!
Celestia's mind arose from it's distracted ordeal. Bringing her senses up to the present. She mentally backtracked through the flurry of information that had been given to her that she had missed. Calling psionic edactic memory spells to reply her memories at brake neck speeds.
(Yes... no... ok I will definitely not be doing that. Why do we even have alligators? Yes... I will have to divert spending to take care of the cake shortage.... Luna if you publish those I will send you back to the moon! So help me! Fine, yes I can do that. Get in line no! Twilight will be so pleased! )
Confident in her review Celestia addressed Kibitz.
"Oh of course! I can't wait to be there. I am especially looking forward to-."
A siren went off in Celestia's mind. Her subconscious had rechecked her schedule using the same psionic spell. It had found that she had not accounted adequately for at least three tea cup events. And that the probability of concealment of substance disposal was less then fifteen percent! Desperately she attempted to formulate a backup plan through calculated rescheduling but to no avail. Finally she conceded to her fate and drew her final trump card. Reserved for only the most dire emergencies or spa time.
"*Sigh* I'm afraid I neglected to attend to a important matter. Kibitz would you please alert my sister that I will be giving her the government today."
The look on Kibitz's face was one of abject horror and panic.
But..but!! Princess you have a full day and you promised to alert me at least one month in advance for another 'Lunacy' stunt like you pulled before!!! I can't. . You can't simply droop this on Equestria now your royal duties must be preformed and-"
Celestia lowered her head.
I know Kibitz I understand and I apologize for not giving you advanced warning of this change of events. However Luna will be most pleased and I will send for Twilight in case she requires any assistance due to the lateness of these changes."
"But!... But! Princess!!"
"No Kibitz this is what I decree I ask that you please do as I command."
".... I.. I understand princess. I shall do as you wish."
"Thank you Kibitz."
Celestia smiled.
"*Sigh* you are welcome your Highness. Now please excuse me as I must be off to inform your sister of her new scheduled duties."
He checked his foopwatch and shook his head. Quickly dispensing with royal formalities before turning hurriedly and cantering around the corner.
Celestia watched him go and inwardly sighed.
(I have no choice it has come to that.... To him.) She thought.
Closing her eyes she began recite the coordinates of the arcane achronal plane. Her translucent mane flowing rapidly as each reference point was set.
Reaching the point of teleportation, her concentration was broken. By a small voice that sounded far away, but grew louder with each passing moment.
"Princess wait!Your Highness please wait!....Princess!"
For a moment Celeastia hesitated. Her spell faltering ever so slightly. Which was all that was needed for a small cup, held in arcane grip and filed with offending substance. To pass through her defenses and be forced down her throat.
Before any in raged response could be made she was gone. Traveling within the slipstream of the ether with only a faint echo emanating from the other world.
"Princes! Don't forget your tea!!"
Author's Note
"Over the 3 oz limit" buckle up your belts Ladies and Gents this one comes from the TSA.
Date 1 700 256 .M22 . Date 1 780 256 .M22 learn the Imperial Calender! Your Emperor commands it!
"And still not looking, a day over 40" ...now, now jealousy is unbecoming ladies.
*At -0.83° Celastial degrees your Majesty shall raise the sun marking the beginning of the day." 1 Celestial Degree equals≈ 1/15th of an Hour of time so "15" Celestial Degrees equal 1 hour of time! This unit of measurement is referring to the suns approximate angular location in relationship to the time of day .This also assumes a "sea level" or "clear horizon line" so its not exact depending on geographical typography. As well as a "6am to 6pm" day and Celestial season. All of this is taken into account with the addition of CCD or "Canterlot Celstial Degrees" which is the base reference point from which this measurement is taken. However this distinction is rarely used in laymen's terms and outside of the most snobbish ponies of Canterlot who think there city and they are the center of the world. As well as scientific study. You are not likely to here it.
And yes if you were wondering It is mathematically based on our earth's rotation around the sun so it is sound. But I still made it up !.... :D ... Hey Celestia has to measure the time of day and placement of her sun some how! :)
