Logic? What Logic?

by Feral Eris

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Comedy, Random, Crossover, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2864

Discord finds a blank canvas, and finds out what it really is!

Bored, Discord rummages through his old chest of goodies collected over the centuries. When he finds a blank canvas, it leads him to a place stranger then what he himself could fathom!

Published 2014-08-18 16:50:09 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-18 16:50:09 UTC

Through the rabbit glass! Down the mirror hole!

He had to admit, actually being welcomed into a castle without any use of trickery (aside from the playful mind screws and occasional head trips, all harmless!) was a nice feeling! Tricks and chaotic antics were his specialties, they were his very essence! But not having to use said antics, especially against his tried and true friends, was something he could get used to.

However.......

"Ohhh, COME. ON!", the master of chaos groaned out loudly.

All who were present turned their heads upwards to where he was perched, right above the double door entrance to the new castle.

"All you've ladies done so far is prattle on about what to do next. When are we gonna get to the fun stuff?"

He poofed away from his perch and popped up hovering above the white round table the bearers sat around. He was upside down and posed as if he were sitting upright, legs crossed and all. Twilight sighed and scratched one of her ears.

"We've been over this, Discord. We have to decide what to do next concerning this castle. There's so much to consider!"

"Ah hear ya, Twi. It's gonna take quite alot of work to get this place in shape.", Applejack spoke.

"Well, I could lend a claw if it'll make the scary boredom go away!"

Once again Discord poofed out of existance, only to reappear, peeking out of Rarity's mane as if he were actually hiding. The unicorn shook her head and he fell out of her hair, bouncing along the floor while making various squeaking and honking noises as he skidded along.

"That's alright, Discord. I actually have it all planned out!"

With an all-too-happy smile Twilight pulled out a scroll bound by a thin string. Unbinding the string with her magic, the scroll unravelled and stretched all...the...way...to...beyond....the..back...doors...of the chamber. The main bearers groaned inwardly while a pleased-looking Twilight nodded her head while taking out her trusty quill.

Discord flinched as his eyes widened at the length of the scroll. How in the blue blazes could anypony come up with such a list at a moments notice?!

Must've taken a page from his book and used nonsensical methods. Regardless, seeing the rest of the ponies' reactions was more then enough to dissuade him. Lifting his lion's arm he opens the fur to have a huge antique grandfather clock spring up with a small griffon roaring out as the clock struck the hour.

"Oh! Would you look at the time?! I just remembered I have that prior engagement with the linen back at home! I made a bet with the carpet that laundry-time drama would get crazy when Broomhilda would be found out by Fridgely, that it was SHE who clubbed the Club with a 9-iron while working in cahoots with the butter in the den! Toodles!"

In a zig-zag the Draconequus disappeared in a flash, strangely enough leaving behind a small cluster cloud with hair pins twirling in place.

"O-Oh, my..."

"Well, that was sudden. Now then! Down to business!"

Another collective groan rang out among the bearers.

In a noisy "POOF", Discord was back in his home. From what he remembered, Fluttershy had told him it used to have a dragon slumbering inside some time ago, but due to its smoke, the dragon was asked to leave.

And now it was his place of dwelling. Complete with tall, wooden double doors hinged to the mouth of the huge cave. The manticore rug growled out a feral welcome as Discord stepped inside. Crossing the living room Discord travelled up the winding stairs, ears drooped in boredom.

"Hm......I better find something to do before I become mundanely sane! Ah! I know just the thing! Oh-ho!"

Snapping his claws in glee Discord vanished in a POOF and reappeared in his bedroom. At the foot of his bed was a simple wooden chest, lined with aged silver and withered bronze insignias, sitting against the board. Rubbing his claws in anticipation he reached for the heavy padlock.

"I haven't opened this little bundle of joy in over a few centuries! I hope I remember how to open it."

Rubbing his beard in contemplation, Discord cracks his knuckles, rolls his head over his shoulders, leans down at bended hind legs.....and begins to tickle the padlock.

"Gootchie gootchie goo~!"

A small cackle came from the rusted square of metal, rising into a full blown side-splitting laughter, causing it to unlock and fall away from the front of the chest. As he slowly opened the top half of the chest, a "whimsical tune"trilled through the air, growing louder as he opened the chest more and more. Once it was fully open, the tune peaked in a sort of triumph, then died down.

"I really need to find out where that's coming from.", he mutters to himself as he looks over the edges of the chest.

With a hopeful and curious glint in his eyes, Discord reaches into the chest and rummages through its contents. His ears perk up as he closes his claws over something!

"Oh, boy!"

He tugs his arm out and finds his entire appendage covered in piranhas. With a startled yelp he shakes them loose and lets them fall back into the chest.

He blinks a few times and tries again.

As he pulls his arm out this time he sees that he has a strange pink puffball of some sort attached to a thin string of some sort. With a curious scowl he squeezes once experimentally. Instead of the normal squeaky toy squee, Discord heard a distressed "KUPO!!!"sound. He then pulls out a small, pale colored thing, with a schnoz as big as the puff he held in his claws! It struggles in his hold until it slips free and flutters its little purple wings, flying back inside the chest in a hurry. An amused Discord grins.

'Wonder what else is in this little treasure trove~'

He reaches in with an eager paw.......and finds utter nonsense. One by one Discord pulls out bric-a-brac after confusing bric-a-brac, each one having no rhyme or reason for even being there in the first place! This was no surprise to the master of chaos, however even he himself felt a twinge of unease at seeing such bizarre beings!

With one awkward tug after another Discord came across things that was more nonsensical then his genetic makeup.

"No sir, I don't like it."

......

"I'm not your boyfriend!"

.............

"What the hell are YOU starin' at?!"

. . . . . . . . . I-(

Discord shoved the last one back down into the chest with a growl and in a fit of annoyance, breaks the fourth wall.

"Oh, C'MON! A majority of the audience won't even know HALF of these references! Move on already!!"

He huffs and crosses his arms over his chest. He peers back into the chest and spots something so bizarre, so out of place for the likes of him that he cranes his long neck downward to get a better look at it from within the chest.

"What in the world...?"

With care in his claws Discord reaches into the wooden box and pulls out a simple, blank canvas. His eyes scan over the ho-hum looking thing, appraising it with uncertainty and humming in consideration. It appeared so commonplace, as mundane as a flower pot or a vase, and yet it astounded him. It looked new, but it's frame had the tell-tale signs of wear and tear. He ran a curious paw over the front of the canvas and felt air instead of a flat surface. His ears perked as his eyes widened slightly at this new development!

Discord reaches his arm into the canvas and waves into it. It was then that a spindly black arm thrust forward and waved back at him pleasantly, stopping short of the Draconequus's snout.

"Oh, my! Hello ther-"

The limb then hooked two fingers into Discords nose and pulled him inside the empty canvas, a loud nasal cry of alarm coming from his muzzle as he disappeared.

The master of chaos floated through the canvas and barreled through what looked like a plethora of open doorways lined with billowing red velvet curtains. A closer look revealed the doorframes to actually be oversized empty frames hanging in the air!

He kept barreling down the long stretch of frames until his face collided with the solid surface of a wall. With a dazed groan Discord slid to the now visible floor, pulling his muzzle away from the wall and trying to shake the stars and tweeting birdies out of his vision.

"Was somepony lookin' for stars?", he muttered dizzily

With a final shake of his head Discord rose up on his arms and dusted himself off while looking around. He was surrounded by nothing but pure white.

There was no floor despite the Draconequus standing on both hind legs, and the white nothing seemed infinite.

A small squeak caught his ear and Discord looked down to see a small snow white bunny rabbit with pink eyes and a yellow color in the hollows of its long ears. It sad beside his hoofed leg, harmlessly grooming itself and chittering quietly.

"Huh. Must be a distant relative of Angel's. Hello there, little fella! Is this fine establishment your home?"

Having caught the sound of something else other then itself the small bunny stopped grooming itself and looked up at Discord. It eyed him curiously, its little pink nose twitching as it sniffed. The bunny came in front of Discord and sat on its haunches.

"Hmm, the silent treatment, eh? Well, how about a little peace offering?"

Discord bent at his knees and poked the bunny's nose quickly, making a small carrot fall out of its ear. It looked from the carrot to Discord. It then took the carrot and jammed it back into its ear. Discord began to cough and choke a bit until the very same carrot slipped out from one of his nostrils, landing on the white ground with a gooey squish!

"How did-"

The bunny didn't let him finish his question as it hopped ahead, as if leading him. Discord shrugged and followed.

As they walked on, many things began to come into view. From dancing jellybeans to overgrown flowers in a small pottery class. There was a group of ducks hustling at a billiard table while dogs of varying species sat around a table playing poker. From the looks of it nothing seemed too out of place. A pineapple jammed into a fishbowl rolled along the floor as a white mouse, who was tied to a screaming French fry, chased after a cake that sat on a white cake dish with legs. A carton of eggs drifted along. It bumped against Discord's shoulder and the carton broke in half, making miniature clowns fall out and run in every direction, spouting gibberish.

"well, well, well! This feels like a little slice of chaotic heaven! I could get used to this~!"

He reached upward, taking a floating cloud into his claws and shaking it. A bowl clattered onto the floor, followed by a huge splat of rocky road ice cream and a spoon.

Ice cream in hand Discord walked along with the hopping bunny. Three multicolored logs rolled by, grunted at Discord and formed a totem pole only to fall on their side and roll away again.

The Draconequus and the bunny (whom he dubbed "Angel version 2") stopped at another blank canvas. Unlike the one found in his treasure chest, this one was aged and the canvas looked to have been scrubbed clean. Discord leaned in to touch it when another little bunny popped out from behind. Unlike Angel version 2, this one had pale pink fur with a white underbelly, paws and tail. This one seemed cheery and hopped up to merrily greet Discord.

"Oh! Hello there. Are you here to give me the rest of the tour? I lost little Angel version 2 somewhere."

He watched as the little pink bunny (dubbed "Frosting") slowly turned around to show a huge rusted wind-up toy key jutting out of its back. He wound the key up until it would wind no further. The sound of a spotlight rang out as the white world gave way to pitch black darkness. Discord threw his bowl in reaction to the sudden darkness, save for the lone spotlight shining over a now gloomy looking pink bunny.

Frosting slowly turned around, making an eerie creaking noise as it did. The sound reminded Discord of a rusted cog wheel turning, straining against the others gears and aged metal groaning. It looked as lifeless as a doll.

It then trembled as the key came alive at its back. As the key slowly turned, it produced a gentle chime that swelled into a mechanized song. It was a blend of a small orchestra with gentle strings and percussions resounding in whispers. The pale pink bunny swayed to and fro as the voice of a singing child chimed in.

The white canvas behind it remained stagnant as a set of eyeballs blinked open on its surface. The eyeballs rolled out of the canvas and rested off on the side as the torso of a mannequin climbed out of the canvas, twitchy digits gripping the ground as they writhed noiselessly out of the canvas. One came forth, wearing a yellow dress, then a blue one followed finally by a green one. The mannequins were headless and hobbled in tune with the Frosting's song.

As Discord watched the disturbing performance, he held one of the roaming eyeballs in his claws and stroked it like a pet, his eyes never leaving the spotlight as the eyeball gurgled and jiggled contentedly.

A pale peach colored arm reached outward from the canvas and dragged out what looked like another mannequin. This one was dressed in red, was a pale peach color instead of black and unlike the other mannequin's it still had it's head on it's shoulders. It was a strange female creature! However again unlike the other mannequins this one was but a torso coming out of another canvas. Smiling gently she crawled out of the canvas.

While several other things spawned forth, Discord caught some of the lyrics from the bunny's song. As it danced in the air it spoke of something called a "lonely little girl" wanting her father and being in a lonely world she didn't ask to be in. Her words were pleading and desperate, curious and despairing. At one point Frosting brought up three shining roses (red, blue and yellow), and made them dance around Discord's head in time with the song.

Before he knew it Discord saw himself surrounded by a small army of absurdities! Rolling mannequin heads with eyes and lips crudely drawn on them, thick crayons and things of chalk drew scribbles and gibberish along the blackened floor, little black ants all crawled over the white heads, a huge snake coiling around the ring of creatures with a small green frog atop its head, the mannequins quivered in place as the female torso clawed at the ground as if crawling in place. They all groaned and writhed in place as if caught on a sound loop.

The spotlight abruptly blinked off and lit up again over Discord, showing he was now lone in the darkness save for the lone blank canvas. The wind-up key that was on Frosting's back clattered to the ground as the song slowed and died away, the sad child's voice fading into the shadows where the others had receded into. And in Frosting's place was a menacing doll with purple skin, a red dress, red eyes and moppy black hair with its mouth open and showing pointy teeth in a crazed smile.

"Um.....Encore?"

The answer the Draconequus received was in the form of the doll shrieking as it dove at him. He flinched backwards as he brought his arms up to shield himself. A small struggle ensues and Discord finds himself literally being spat out of his treasure chest, skidding to a screeching halt against the wall. The chest then burped open once more as a small black and white creature of a puppet sprang forth, gesturing a kiss into the air with its hand and calling out,

"GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY!!!"

, and slamming the chest shut. The still laughing padlock stopped it's laughing and secured itself over the chest, locking it tight.

Again came the breaking of the forth wall.

"What?? I did say at one point that even I don't know how chaotic my magic can get!"

He shrugs his shoulders and slithers into the closet, where a muffled roar could be heard, followed by a "Oh, shaddup!" from an annoyed Discord.

Screwball then levitates across the threshold, drawing up a red velvet curtain and waving a waffle in a farewell gesture.

And nightmares were had by all!

Author's Note

Thought I'd try my hand at something random, with PLENTY of Easter eggs and references within! MLP meets the chaotic world of "Ib"! 8D