That One Lucky Chanceby DudaexpressChaptersCh1: Common SenseCh2: Awkward SituationsCh3: Sobering Up and Lovely WalksCh1: Common SenseHey Guys: First up, yes, this is my first fanfiction. Ever. In fact, this is my first written piece of work that I probably will ever put any effort into. Comments and reviews are nice, I'd like to see what people think of my story, plus feedback also helps. It'll give me some areas to improve one. Enjoy! That first breath of fresh air. The most soothing thing to ever come across a man's lips in the morning. Well at least I'd like to say that if my breath didn't smell like shit and didn't taste like it either. Well, you can't really have everything huh? My name's Tom. I'm one of those "jolly old fuck-arounds" nowadays. Or at least how people view now. "Now" being the keyword. I wasn't necessarily the one who made a perfect first impression. In fact, I suck at it. The three most common things I get back involve my size, how retarded I am, or how fucking awkward I make situations. Maybe that's also the reason I never get a girlfriend. Anyway, I'm about 6'2, 6'3ish, and still growing like a fucking magic bean stalk. I'm surprised I get myself around the house anymore. I'm a sophmore, and couldn't give two shits about anything. Things weren't necessarily the best for me. I grew up in a town where if you considered a slight bit of weird, you were retarded. No, honestly, they treated you as if you had fucking down syndrome. It's absolutely horrible. Even that, when you do try and make witty comments, they fuck you over with either pushing you out of the conversation, or just talking shit that has nothing to do with the conversation. It's not the fact that they treat you as if you were retarded that pissed me off, what DID piss me off, if when they didn't listen to a damn thing I say. It was a fucking insect in a web, you're stuck in there until something either sets you free, or the spider just eats your guts out. Luckily, something knocked me off that web. I was transferred to a trade school for High School with conflicting towns and different schools contributing students to join. This meant that without the help of moving my entire house to another location to start a new life, I was able to move to another school and start over. Surely enough, I was satisfied. I'm no longer considered retarded, however, I was considered weird. Funny thing is, I enjoyed the fuck out of it. During these years I was discovered to the true elements of the internet through 4chan and memes. I took a liking to trolling especially, and used it mostly in real life. It felt good to take control, to feel alive, to be somebody. It was here that after my "revelation" as I'd like to call it, is where I sort of self philosophized to myself. I started to think of things that I haven't really thought of before, because all the fuckers that ruined most of my childhood. This included things such as religion, as what questions I had for God coming to hand. Don't get me wrong, I have my opinions, other people have theirs. After this phase, I became more self conscious with others. This honestly helped me in someways. I developed more of "an opinion for others," meaning I could understand the other persons beliefs and opinions. This is probably why I get along with many people of other religions and political views. (Funny thing though, I don't know ANYTHING about politics haha.) Around here is where around the peak of my high school feeling came. Around the time the "My Little Pony Friendship is Magic" trend was going on. At was at this peak, me being a massive troll and all, took a liking to. I trolled all the so-called "bronies" to the fucking brink of insanity, and believe me, it was satisfying. But unfortunately, like my lack of "jump-in-and-do-it" personality, I never ever understood the brony's point of view. This is honestly shocking for me now. Man though, things really do change rather quickly huh? Pretty soon, I began watching episodes of it, actually giving credibility to the show, and reading a few fanfictions, and soon enough, I was a brony. Although I never talked about it. Only to a select few. Going off topic, things started to "slow down." Slowly, I began to felt that my reputation in school and on the internet was slowly dying away. I thought I lost a good friend of mine, lost track of my grades, and boom, down the drain it went. My life right now, is at a wreck moment. Conflicting with my depression, is my sense of philosophy, comforting me in my time of need. Well, next to my ipod that's about it haha. These conflicting emotions had gave me a spark though. This spark made me think of humans. Not the species in particular, but their senses and personal thoughts. Now that I think about it, people fucking suck fucks all day (no offense). It's sad to see that so much potential that could've been done around here actually was blown off, like annoying Saturday plans that were quickly changed due to an emergency without a real problem behind it. I began to see that people's views on certain words grew, such as "common sense", and "normal". First off, common sense. We began to believe so in life, that common sense is simply, what's normal, not what's right, but "normal." It pisses me off too. My view of common sense, is simply put, doing the right thing. I find more and more stupid people everywhere I go. I'm gunna be completely honest right now, but I'm simply stating my opinion, pop culture and rap nowadays, suck ass. Alot of fucking asses are sucked up and people are sucked up by those ass-suckers by buying and listening to these shit stains I find in their iTunes library. It's sad. Normal now, Is simply living out your life. What? Everyday I find people simply complaining about their work, or how much they make and income they make for bills and payments and all this fucking worthless shit that would've worked better back in the middle ages. It's simply well put to say, that I lost ALL hope in humanity. This point in time of thought, is where I am at right now. This point, where I find humanity, a waste of my time, and could go fuck themselves. Back to My Little Pony, yes I was a brony. The show was probably the only thing keeping me from ripping my eyes out of my sockets and drilling the fuck out of my ear drums. It was my personal stress ball. Kinda like another thing but I'll get to that later. I haven't really met some other good bronies out there, other than a friend off mine in school, and still, he's too busy writing anime fanfictions to give two shits anyway. Along with this show, I was introduced to weed. Yes, I do drugs. But I was told, AND PROVEN, that weed isn't exactly what it seems to be, but I'm not going to explain it and expect raging wars and newfags posting about how drugs are bad mm'kay in the comments. Did I just break the fourth wall? Yes It appears I did, better mark that new achievement in the records hehe. Moving on, I wasn't necessarily, a druggy, because I had self control, unlike the people I knew to hate and fucking despise. I knew when enough is enough, and when shit hits the fan. I made sure I'd smell fine before I got into my car going home, I don't actually like being in the same building when my parents get pissed off. I smoked weed because I could with my friend Bryan. Bryan is the only other person I respected. He was calm, collected, and no fucks or shits about ANYTHING. He was the living embodiment of carefree, of course, knowing his boundaries. He was my "supplier." Normally when i smoked, he was around. He was the one who kept things lively as well. Then, I began buying the shit from him. It was good. It was all good. Well, things were good, or so to speak, because I have a tale to tell, and a tale to fucking type out. And it all starts out, with some "unfortunate good luck." This shit stain fucker starts out in a dingy environment. Well, to be more specific, the streets, and I was having a blast wobbling my way down the street from our "dealer." Trust me on this one, me and Bryan, were absolutely Fucked Up. "Shit dude...." Was the simple statement that I could muster say with any effort whatsoever. "What? Did you...like....do something?" "Umm....yeah I did...kinda." Our high conversations were always one to be recorded because, after every few minutes, we would fucking snicker at our horribly prepared jokes. "Dude, I need to get back to the house, I need to grab something." Funny thing is, if I hadn't surprisingly remembered this, something special wouldn't have happened. "That reminds me, I left pack of weed near the intersection next to the street corner, I was trying to hide it from a.... auhh...." "A police dude?" "Yeahh that's what I meant haha!" My friend was one with his own way of words. "So I guess I'll meet you at you're house ok Bryan?" "Alright man....yeah sounds good, be there in like....10 minutes." He laughed out. "Haha see ya." I said. I turned around and started back for the "weed haven" and was looking for my special something I mentioned. It was Bryan's birthday, and as far as Bryan knows, I don't know. I got him a brand new bong, brand new, polished, and works amazing. I thought he might like it sense it was something to remember us by. I mean, we were bros. For life. I got inside and surprisingly, it was dark. "Huh, I swear I left them on..." I said nearly tumbling into a nearby glass table. "Heh, almost flew...flew fucking highhhhh....." I trailed off as my sense of thought escaped me, oh boy, that new stuff does wonders to ya. I still wonder to this day why the hell I said that. At this point things felt uncomfortable, mainly because things weren't feeling right. I probably thought it was a new feeling of high I haven't felt before, and just wandered my way back into Bryan's room. "What was I here for aga- oh right, birthday. Haha derp." I reached into my back and pulled the brand new bong, shiny, polished, green, and ornate! It was at this point that I looked up. This is where the 'what the fuck' moments happen. Speaking of what the fuck, my lighter I left on my table was flickering. Weirder still, it was normal flames. The fucking shit was rainbow. "Wooahhhh." was all I could speak out, knowing my mind was too much on a journey to fucking care what comes out of my lips anymore. The candle was flickering a brighter and brighter rainbow tint to it everytime it blinked. It was then the flame suddenly engulfed the desk it was on. I stood there like an idiot trying to comprehend what I'm watching, when suddenly the flame surrounds me and flashes a bright light. I then right there, saw a silhouette of something walking towards me, before I finally pass out. After what seemed like hours to me, I wake up to darkness. At this point, I'm still very groggy, and still find myself being stupid, thinking my eyes are still closed. "Come onnn.....COME ON OPEN!!!" I scream at the top of my lungs. It's something that always upset me, If I couldn't do it on the first try, I fucking snap. It's honestly a bad habit I need to get used to. It's at this point that I decide to look down, and find me seeing my own body. "Well shit......I'm a dumbass aren't I haha. Wait where the fuck am I?" I began to look around frantically. "Wait, am I dead? Did I die from that fire? Wait also, wasn't that fire a fucking rainbow? Wait SHIT what if I'm being judged right now? CRAP! Sorry! Sorry God for swearing! It's a force of habit I swear to Go- AGH SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO D-" I was suddenly cut off by an echoed voice. It sounded like a female but I couldn't tell, it was muffled, or distanced, same story, couldn't tell. "Umm hello? Anyone there?" I croaked. Nothing. Just silence. "Great, I'm probably dead, gunna fail judgement, and now I'm hearing things. Well shit. Wait SHIT! AGH I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS!" After a couple minutes of good old fashioned panicking, I manage to calm myself and lay down. It was then that I heard the voice again. "Do....it's...ing?" "I do.......light, it....erous." I start getting impatient. "Hey! What's going on over there!? Here. There. SOMEWHERE?!" Then everything went black. I slowly found myself to be waking up. Was it all a dream? Damn I need some weed. Hmm I hear somebody. "Shh shh I think it's waking up. "That thing bettah keep its distance, or ah'll teach it a special beating us Apples can do!" "Quiet Applejack! Maybe it's friendly, or simply misguided!" I slowly regained my senses. 'Ok, so I'm on a floor. Wooden. Surprisingly extreeeemely smooth.. me like. I wond- UGH, my head! Oh god! I feel like I just came back from an all-night stander drinking contest. I better have won. Wait, I don't even drink.' I slowly opened my eyes and the light flowed into my eye sockets. I quickly blocked the light with my palm and waited till my eyes adjusted. I lift my back up a bit to a sitting position, half asleep, only to jump at the sounds of gasps. And there it was. There was only me. Yeah me. Me and six other colorful looking ponies in the same room. Good? Bad? Meh? Let me know, I'd love to hear, thanks again for reading! Ch2: Awkward SituationsWell I'm back from being a lazy ass. HEY! So now I think I'm gunna be up to speed with this story, I had some good feedback before, and I appreciate it if you continue the feedback, for good or for worse. Thanks, here's the chapter, after who knows how long. 'I'm pretty damn sure I made it clear I like my weed dmt-free' So here I am, in a place that I am pretty sure you'd have to be a 5 year old to think up on the spot. And to make matters worse, I don't know how the hell to make it stop. Wait, ponies? What was I doing? Oh right, realizing they were here. Better yet realizing how messed up my head is. What was I gunna do? Oh right. *THUD* Annnnd it's gone. Feeling groggy, I slowly roll over. "Uggghh damn my head" I croak out, clutching my forehead as if a chestburster was gunna pop out. ...oh wait. Right. Bad analogy. I open my eyes, only for them to be blinded by a ceiling light. Instinctively, I shut my eyes and cover my hands over them. "Aww damn! I hate that!" It was only then I flinch to a sudden table tray falling to the ground and a swing of a door. I finally open my eyes to realize I'm laying in a bed. I look up to see a door swinging back and forth after something forcefully ran through it. Huh. Well, at least I know I'm sane and awake. I swear I saw ponies. Living breathing ponies. Like the main six and stuff. It was a weird fucking dream. And Pinkie's standing right next to me. And I was fee- "aaaaAAAAAA-" my mouth was stuffed by a pink hoof. "Shhh mister peach monkey, it's alright, Twilight told me to look after you! But you have to be quiet, she said I was supposed to play the quiet game!" she whispered at somehow unmentionable speeds. "Mhph, whpph da fuur?" I managed out. "You want a muffin fun? I've never heard of that but that sounds like fun! Oooh! I can make muffins out of fun! I never knew that was even possible! Oh I'm getting so excited! Ooo! Ooo! I almost forgot you're new here! I can throw a PARTY! and it'll be super duper fun! And we can use that fun to make more muffin funs! This is so super spec-" like a rocket bend of fuck fuel, I slammed my hand on her mouth. I removed the hoof from my mouth. "..Talk....slower.." I said preventing myself from snapping or going insane from all the talking. "Okie dokey lokey then!" She then gave the most serious face I have ever seen. Holy shit dude what is she up to? "MMmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyy......nnnaaaaammmmeeeeeee.....iissssssssss.......Piiiiiiinnnnkkkkiiii-" another hand slammed on her mouth. I gave her the biggest "are you fucking kidding me face known to man. Pony. Fuck it. "Too slow." I put bluntly. "Okay then! Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie, and it's nice to meet you mister peach monkey!" she grinned. "Mister....peach monkey?" I questioned. I mean, what the fuck? "Yeah! You look alot like a monkey! Except your wearing super weird looking clothes! And they smell weird too! And you have no hair! So I called you mister peach monkey!" she said still wearing that weird grin. "Oh...well ok I guess...where am I?" I asked. Well of course, knowing the people who know who I am by now, of course know that I'm playing this all off. It would be weird knowing everything about Equestria and ponies wondering how I know. I don't know how I got here, but if I play it like this, either they'll think I'm not from here if I teleported or some shit, or I have amnesia or something if I looked liked I was sleeping in a ditch or something. It's a win-win motherfuckers, strategy. "Equestria silly! This is Ponyville and I'm supposed to tell you that your supposed to stay!" she answered happilly. Wait, I'm supposed to stay? "What do you mean stay?" "I mean Twilight said you should stay here, she wants to do some super duper sciencey thingy ma jiggy on you!" I gulped. "Uh..well...I can't stay." I started to get up. "No wait!" She pulled on my shoulder and pushed me down with practically the strength of a bear. "AH! Jesus you could've told me to sit down! Damn." I flinched. "Who's Jesus?" she cocked her head. ......fuck. "Well....see....Jesus....is someone I know! Yeah let's put it like that." I felt accomplished. "Don't you mean 'somepony?" .......god damn it it never ends. "...Ye...yeahh that." I choked out. I had nothing else. "Okey dokey! But you have to stay here and wait for Twilight to get back! I Pinkie promised her!" she finished with a slightly bolder tone to finish. She has the whole pride thing for that huh? "Alright...then.." I ended the topic and slouched down. Well this sucks. I'm apparently stuck in Equestria, I might get experimented on by a main character, and I still needed to get some of- "MY WEED!!!" I screamed out, startling the living shit out of the pink pony. "Hehehe! That was a funny feeling! Do it again!" she giggled out. "No! Listen! When I was asleep or whatever, did you see a black bag?" I asked. "I didn't see a bag. But I did see this cool looking sack on your back!" to which she pulled out my backpack out of seemingly no where. *twitch twitch* "Thanks for my bag, Pinkie." I let out, grinding my teeth against each other. "No problem Peachy!" I can tell this isn't the right person to talk to. Pony. Fuck me this will get annoying. So I unzip my back and check everything in there. Weed, check. Lighter. I flick it to make sure it's not doing no rainbow shit on me. Normal flames. Check. Ok now all I need is....fuck me. I pulled out my green bong. My birthday gift to Bryan. Shit man. Well it at least will keep me going in this world. I got nothing else to smoke it with, plus to me is MUCH better than a blunt. "Alright everythings in here, nice and in order." I sighed. Well, not really in order, just in there I guess. I collapsed on the bed and took a look around my surroundings. Tree. Books. This is most definitely fucking Twilight's house. Two hours passed and nothing. I've just been laying here dealing with Pinkie's 'antics' or so to speak. Funny thing though, I can't help but chuckle. Either because the fact that she's so ridiculously retarded, or she's releasing this vibe that just basically says 'Be happy mother fucker, and you can't do shit about it!' That's when the door to the room opened and a purple pony walked in........psst it's Twilight if you haven't guessed yet. "Oh hi Twily! I was just telling mister peach monkey about the time I baked cupcakes! They were to die for!" she exclaimed. For some reason I had this really weird shudder go down my spine after hearing that. Very, dark, thoughts......fuck that she's pink. "Pinkie, you do that all the time." Twilight said, rolling her eyes. "Oh yeah, right!" she gave a sheepish looking grin. So here we go, interrogation time, the science way. Twilight turns her gaze to me. "So.....um....mister...." she looked lost for words. "Tom." "So mister uh, Tom....what...are you?" she asks. "I'd prefer just Tom, thanks. A human." I say. "Huh?" she stared at me like I was some sort of mental defective. "A human, I'm a human." I repeat, making sure she heard it that time. "......huh?" she says again, giving me that stare. "A HUMAN. Homo Sapien, naked ape, get it?" A few moments of silence. I swear to g- "Huh?!" "Oh for God's Sake! A HUMAN! I'M NOT FROM HERE OKAY? JESUS!" I snap. "Hey there's you're friend again!" Pinkie mentions. *twitch* 'There's something wrong with her. There is something seriously wrong with her.' Twilight perks up, "If you're not from here, where are you from then?" "As far as I'm concerned, or better yet, as far as I know, not this planet." I cross my arms. Twilight's eyes twinkle a bit as if she discovered sex for the first god damn time. "How did you get here?! Did you travel through teleportation? A form of transportation? What?" she spits out in front of my face. "I really don't know, I was checking my lighter until I saw a rainbow flame come out of it, and things happened and wabam! Here I am!" I bring out with a sort of impatient tone to my voice. After scribbling down some notes, she looks up at me and says "Follow me then." 'What? She's fucking telling what to do now? WHAT THE FUCK?!? I'M NOT SOME LACKEY GOING TO FOLLOW ORDERS OR SOME SHIT! I'M A FREE MAN AND I-' "I'm assuming you're hungry. Do your species eat pancakes?" .....oh. Fucking munchies HELL YEAH! I look down at a miniature plate made for a little girls tea time play house with the small little amounts of maple syrup left over from the meal. "Mmm that was great! Who made these? Best pancakes EVER!" I was bluffing. The corners were burnt, the syrup was from concentrate and I bet I could've done it better with my ass. My eyes met a slightly blushiing Twilight. "Oh um thanks, but you shouldn't be giving me credit, Spike makes alot better pancakes then me." she says. 'I'm pretty sure anybody could make pancakes better then you.' "I'm pretty sure you could make pancakes better than anybo-er pony anyday. But I judge too fast, I haven't tasted this 'Spike's' cooking yet." I fibbed. "Thanks I guess" she says rubbing the back of her head with her hoof. "Ok so....what now?" I blurt out. ".....wwweeell I suggest we show you to my friends...?" she says looking to me for approval. Respect. I like that. Or just being nice, either way. "Yeah sounds good to me." I say. Fuck man, more talking, I just wanna get hiiiiigh... "Speaking of which," Pinkie says near the doorway. "here comes Dash right now!" Oh boy. To be honest, this may sound cliche but Rainbow is my favorite pony. Not because the fact that she's supposely awesome, or cool looking. The fact that she reminds me of...well me. "Oh she sounds like fun!" LOLOLOL THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! Zinga. Too bad I laughed too. It made the next part horrible. You know, looking to the left for a second to see a blue blur moving about 120 mph from the doorway to your face. Fan-fucking-tastic. Ch3: Sobering Up and Lovely WalksSo hello everypony yet again. So I missed my deadline, sue me. Whatever, I got this in finally, and I do hope you enjoy. I shall get one in as soon as I can (Because deadlines are for chumps.) Happy Reading! "-AND JUST TAKE AND SHOVE DOWN SOMEONE'S ASS!" Allow me to explain. Or better yet, let me answer this with a question. How the hell do you react to a rainbow-colored flying mare moving at lightning-fast speeds and colliding with your face? And what's the best way to deal with it without swearing? Well I can give an answer to both. You don't. You just wing it. And as you clearly can see, I really did not wing it. Well, good thing my head's stuck in a bookshelf, otherwise I'm pretty sure everypony's (already getting sick of the pronoun) head would've exploded from the sheer naughtiness. Funny thing though, it would've made it worse if I wasn't laughing so hard over the fact that the fucking door flew off it's hinges. Hoho, a sight you will not wanna miss while you're flying face first into a bookshelf. Well, half the wall too I guess. And that was the feeling. That specific feeling. You know, that one when you were sitting on your ass in a specific way that made it go numb for a second? Well that was that feeling. And you know what happens next? *POP* *THUD* Ladies and gentlemen, my first experience of magic was me getting pulled from my ass out of the wall. "Well this sucks." Only thing to do now is to wash off this bloody nose now. "I'm so sorry Tom!" Twilight said hastily. "Rainbow! Apologize!" "What? How was I supposed to know he wasn't going to hurt you?" Rainbow exclaimed, pushing herself forward towards Twilight. "You didn't even give him a chance to step outside!" "Yeah! But you saw what happened! He came out Celestia-knows-where!" "That's not an excuse! You shouldn't have gone straight to conclusions!" "Look I already said I'm sorry before!" "WHEN HE WAS UNCONS- wait where did he go?" They all twitched their ears to a running faucet being turned off from the kitchen. And so here comes the almighty human, one of its kind! Coming out of kitchen with a wet face and a rolled-up napkin stuffed up his nose. Only silence lingered. "......what?" And there's the trigger. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA" was the simple yet complicated noise filling up the entire library. I swear they were laughing for like 5 minutes now! "Jesus, how long are you guys gunna laugh for?" I said with most likely steam coming out of my eardrums. Ah cartoon physics, gotta love em sometimes. "Pfft-no Tom- cckk-it's nothin-pf-nothing reall-HAAAAHAHAHA!" laughed Twilight as she rolled over on the hard wood floor. "Jesus seems like a cool guy Peachy!" Pinkie piped up before giggling her way across the floor. 'I'm hating this place more and more.' With a disgruntled facial expression and a slight stomp, I walked to the door and closed it shut. A few moments go by before I realize what the hell I just did. I walked back inside and closed the door, only to have the door fall back down to the floor. "Haha Tom! I just had that fixed!" Twilight giggled as she used her magic to screw in the hinges back onto the door. "Huh. Yeah. So, despite being nearly killed a second ago and was laughed at for stopping a nose bleed," I paused, pulling the napkin out of my nose and promptly flicked it out the window. "What were we doing exactly?" I ask. "We were going to see Rainbow silly!" Pinkie exclaimed, popping out from under the table. "But wait! *GASP* SHE'S HERE! Rainbow this is Peachy! He's a-" She was cut off with a simple hoof shoved in her mouth. 'I feel like hooves do a better job at shutting someone up then my hands do.....' "Pinkie I know, Twilight just told me 5 minutes ago!" Rainbow said with an unamused look. "You still haven't apologized to me properly." I reply with a classic, smug bandit grin. "Don't push your luck, buddy." "Eh I'll take it." So shit. I would say that things are escalating in some sort of form but that would be a very huge overstatement. In fact, I'm nervous in a way. Maybe because there's other beings not my species that would be filled in the town outside the slightly hinged door. Or maybe it's because I'm sobering up. That and because I'm still wary over the fact that I think that if someone sees me they'll react in the same way that Rainbow did a few minutes ago. Or maybe all three. Yeah let's go with the latter. So I grabbed my bag, made sure no one touched my things, and came downstairs. "So you ready Tom?" Twilight called from the bottom of the steps. "No," I blankly said, beginning to go down slower. I took a look around the room to find no sign of Rainbow or psycho pink. "Where are the other two?" "They went down to Sugar Cube Corner to pick up an order Pinkie forgot to bring to one of her customers. Oh yeah that's the place Pinkie works at." To be really honest, I was kinda pumped to see that place. To see a building that looks like it came out of Hansel and Gredal is like a childhood dream, except it's not a dream, and it's just like a sight that I'd probably react to with a simple 'huh' to. But at the same time, I feel in the adventurous mood. Maybe I'll find a nice place to sit down and smoke later at night. The simple thought made me grin. "What are you smiling at?" Twilight tilted her head at me. "Oh nothing, excited for today I guess." I said walking to the door, checking to make sure it wasn't going to fall over again. Already knowing something unusual, she took a quick pause before shaking it off and heading out the door. So I took my stride and followed her out, and that's where my happy demeanor left me almost immediately. Eyes. Eyes everywhere. And you know who they're staring at? Me. I didn't know whether this was a good thing or a bad thing, but I was acting normal on the outside, but on the inside, I'm losing my shit. So we took our "lovely" stroll through town, overhearing some hushing, some gasps, and I even saw some mare nearly flip over a stand when she fainted. Oh how badly I wanted to laugh. But what took me by surprise the most, was how many ponies were actually waving to me! Holy fuck! And if someone did that back home I'm pretty sure I'd flip them off at the most. But here was a different story. I felt like swearing here would give you a death sentence. Speaking of which I'm pretty sure back in that bookshelf I would've been arrested a good 15 times. But my point is that I hold in all these opportunities to mess with ponies I don't know, and I blow it off. Jesus Christ I just can't do anything about it! It's as if I'm being written in a horrible fanfiction! Elsewhere, an author sitting on a computer shudders and gets chills for no reason, and shakes it off after drinking some more Mountain Dew. So if I could describe what I'm feeling right now, it would be pretty awkward. Well I'm pretty sure it's awkward for Twilight too, the poor thing can't even show me around without everypony rushing away from it. "And here's Bon Bon's stand where....oh they're gone. Oh and.... aww." "Ok so, get to the point, where exactly are we going?" I grunted, leaving behind a slightly frustrated facial expression. "Ugh, we're going to Fluttershy's, we're going to see if we can get something fix that gash in your neck." "A gash? What?" I feel my hand on the back of my neck and sure enough, I felt some pain, pulling my hand back and noticing a slight stain of blood on my fingers. 'Huh. Surprised I didn't notice that.' "So about how far down are we going?" I ask. "About a mile and a half." She said, keeping her eyes straight, not daring to look around at the ponies staring back at us. "Ughhh." She turned her head. "What? It's not that far." "I know, but you didn't have your head smashed through a bookshelf." "At least I didn't have the bright idea of shoving tissues up my nose after having a nose bleed." She smirked. "....I'm not going to enjoy this." "You don't have to now come on." She picked up the pace a little, pretty much forcing me to keep up with her with the little twitches of pain in my head. 'I'm sure as hell this place is alot more fun baked than it is sober.' So we finally arrived at the so called 'cottage.' It's funny, because people described Fluttershy's house as a cottage. Cool. It looks more like a cool treehouse/doghouse hybrid with a sideways double door. As we approached the door, Twilight was just about to knock, before I stopped her. "What? What is it?" "Well..." 'FUCK! I forgot! I'm not supposed to remember the ponies name's otherwise they'll think something's fishy! Think of something quick!' "Is Fluttershy by any chance......shy?" I ask giving a sheepish smile. She paused before tilting her head to the side. "How did you know that?" '......I'm going to burn this place in a passion so great it'll get me high.' "I...don't know, just a guess...I guess." I answer back, hand scratching my neck already feeling the itchyness coming in. So she turns and knocks on the door and waits about 30 seconds before a creak of the doorway peeks open and a small eyeball comes from the side. '.....the d'awww meter is near full about now.' "Oh, Twilight! Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to keep you...." And then the sudden eye-widening, slight head-raising, terror-filled facial expression meets me when she sees this tall monstrous looking primate behind Twilight. "Uh, Hi?" "-Are you a herbivore like other monkeys? Oh my goodness I haven't seen a creature like you! I'm sorry, I would've gotten prepared if I knew this! So sorry, would you like anything?" 'Holy shit she just talked at the speed of Pinkie.' Unfortunately for me, she noticed the cut on the back of my neck, and I swear I thought she was gunna go overprotective mom on my ass. "GASP! Oh, nononono you poor little monkey you!" "Little?" "We gotta get that fixed up for you! I'm so sorry I'll be right back!" And so she zipped upstairs to grab who-knows-what, probably a first aid kit. "I'm assuming she's not like that normally." I ask, giving a deadpanned look. "Nope." OHHHHHH SNAP SON. The plot is progressing! (Finally.) So with where my story is going, I can assure you that this may stick around for a while. So until next update!
Ch1: Common SenseHey Guys: First up, yes, this is my first fanfiction. Ever. In fact, this is my first written piece of work that I probably will ever put any effort into. Comments and reviews are nice, I'd like to see what people think of my story, plus feedback also helps. It'll give me some areas to improve one. Enjoy! That first breath of fresh air. The most soothing thing to ever come across a man's lips in the morning. Well at least I'd like to say that if my breath didn't smell like shit and didn't taste like it either. Well, you can't really have everything huh? My name's Tom. I'm one of those "jolly old fuck-arounds" nowadays. Or at least how people view now. "Now" being the keyword. I wasn't necessarily the one who made a perfect first impression. In fact, I suck at it. The three most common things I get back involve my size, how retarded I am, or how fucking awkward I make situations. Maybe that's also the reason I never get a girlfriend. Anyway, I'm about 6'2, 6'3ish, and still growing like a fucking magic bean stalk. I'm surprised I get myself around the house anymore. I'm a sophmore, and couldn't give two shits about anything. Things weren't necessarily the best for me. I grew up in a town where if you considered a slight bit of weird, you were retarded. No, honestly, they treated you as if you had fucking down syndrome. It's absolutely horrible. Even that, when you do try and make witty comments, they fuck you over with either pushing you out of the conversation, or just talking shit that has nothing to do with the conversation. It's not the fact that they treat you as if you were retarded that pissed me off, what DID piss me off, if when they didn't listen to a damn thing I say. It was a fucking insect in a web, you're stuck in there until something either sets you free, or the spider just eats your guts out. Luckily, something knocked me off that web. I was transferred to a trade school for High School with conflicting towns and different schools contributing students to join. This meant that without the help of moving my entire house to another location to start a new life, I was able to move to another school and start over. Surely enough, I was satisfied. I'm no longer considered retarded, however, I was considered weird. Funny thing is, I enjoyed the fuck out of it. During these years I was discovered to the true elements of the internet through 4chan and memes. I took a liking to trolling especially, and used it mostly in real life. It felt good to take control, to feel alive, to be somebody. It was here that after my "revelation" as I'd like to call it, is where I sort of self philosophized to myself. I started to think of things that I haven't really thought of before, because all the fuckers that ruined most of my childhood. This included things such as religion, as what questions I had for God coming to hand. Don't get me wrong, I have my opinions, other people have theirs. After this phase, I became more self conscious with others. This honestly helped me in someways. I developed more of "an opinion for others," meaning I could understand the other persons beliefs and opinions. This is probably why I get along with many people of other religions and political views. (Funny thing though, I don't know ANYTHING about politics haha.) Around here is where around the peak of my high school feeling came. Around the time the "My Little Pony Friendship is Magic" trend was going on. At was at this peak, me being a massive troll and all, took a liking to. I trolled all the so-called "bronies" to the fucking brink of insanity, and believe me, it was satisfying. But unfortunately, like my lack of "jump-in-and-do-it" personality, I never ever understood the brony's point of view. This is honestly shocking for me now. Man though, things really do change rather quickly huh? Pretty soon, I began watching episodes of it, actually giving credibility to the show, and reading a few fanfictions, and soon enough, I was a brony. Although I never talked about it. Only to a select few. Going off topic, things started to "slow down." Slowly, I began to felt that my reputation in school and on the internet was slowly dying away. I thought I lost a good friend of mine, lost track of my grades, and boom, down the drain it went. My life right now, is at a wreck moment. Conflicting with my depression, is my sense of philosophy, comforting me in my time of need. Well, next to my ipod that's about it haha. These conflicting emotions had gave me a spark though. This spark made me think of humans. Not the species in particular, but their senses and personal thoughts. Now that I think about it, people fucking suck fucks all day (no offense). It's sad to see that so much potential that could've been done around here actually was blown off, like annoying Saturday plans that were quickly changed due to an emergency without a real problem behind it. I began to see that people's views on certain words grew, such as "common sense", and "normal". First off, common sense. We began to believe so in life, that common sense is simply, what's normal, not what's right, but "normal." It pisses me off too. My view of common sense, is simply put, doing the right thing. I find more and more stupid people everywhere I go. I'm gunna be completely honest right now, but I'm simply stating my opinion, pop culture and rap nowadays, suck ass. Alot of fucking asses are sucked up and people are sucked up by those ass-suckers by buying and listening to these shit stains I find in their iTunes library. It's sad. Normal now, Is simply living out your life. What? Everyday I find people simply complaining about their work, or how much they make and income they make for bills and payments and all this fucking worthless shit that would've worked better back in the middle ages. It's simply well put to say, that I lost ALL hope in humanity. This point in time of thought, is where I am at right now. This point, where I find humanity, a waste of my time, and could go fuck themselves. Back to My Little Pony, yes I was a brony. The show was probably the only thing keeping me from ripping my eyes out of my sockets and drilling the fuck out of my ear drums. It was my personal stress ball. Kinda like another thing but I'll get to that later. I haven't really met some other good bronies out there, other than a friend off mine in school, and still, he's too busy writing anime fanfictions to give two shits anyway. Along with this show, I was introduced to weed. Yes, I do drugs. But I was told, AND PROVEN, that weed isn't exactly what it seems to be, but I'm not going to explain it and expect raging wars and newfags posting about how drugs are bad mm'kay in the comments. Did I just break the fourth wall? Yes It appears I did, better mark that new achievement in the records hehe. Moving on, I wasn't necessarily, a druggy, because I had self control, unlike the people I knew to hate and fucking despise. I knew when enough is enough, and when shit hits the fan. I made sure I'd smell fine before I got into my car going home, I don't actually like being in the same building when my parents get pissed off. I smoked weed because I could with my friend Bryan. Bryan is the only other person I respected. He was calm, collected, and no fucks or shits about ANYTHING. He was the living embodiment of carefree, of course, knowing his boundaries. He was my "supplier." Normally when i smoked, he was around. He was the one who kept things lively as well. Then, I began buying the shit from him. It was good. It was all good. Well, things were good, or so to speak, because I have a tale to tell, and a tale to fucking type out. And it all starts out, with some "unfortunate good luck." This shit stain fucker starts out in a dingy environment. Well, to be more specific, the streets, and I was having a blast wobbling my way down the street from our "dealer." Trust me on this one, me and Bryan, were absolutely Fucked Up. "Shit dude...." Was the simple statement that I could muster say with any effort whatsoever. "What? Did you...like....do something?" "Umm....yeah I did...kinda." Our high conversations were always one to be recorded because, after every few minutes, we would fucking snicker at our horribly prepared jokes. "Dude, I need to get back to the house, I need to grab something." Funny thing is, if I hadn't surprisingly remembered this, something special wouldn't have happened. "That reminds me, I left pack of weed near the intersection next to the street corner, I was trying to hide it from a.... auhh...." "A police dude?" "Yeahh that's what I meant haha!" My friend was one with his own way of words. "So I guess I'll meet you at you're house ok Bryan?" "Alright man....yeah sounds good, be there in like....10 minutes." He laughed out. "Haha see ya." I said. I turned around and started back for the "weed haven" and was looking for my special something I mentioned. It was Bryan's birthday, and as far as Bryan knows, I don't know. I got him a brand new bong, brand new, polished, and works amazing. I thought he might like it sense it was something to remember us by. I mean, we were bros. For life. I got inside and surprisingly, it was dark. "Huh, I swear I left them on..." I said nearly tumbling into a nearby glass table. "Heh, almost flew...flew fucking highhhhh....." I trailed off as my sense of thought escaped me, oh boy, that new stuff does wonders to ya. I still wonder to this day why the hell I said that. At this point things felt uncomfortable, mainly because things weren't feeling right. I probably thought it was a new feeling of high I haven't felt before, and just wandered my way back into Bryan's room. "What was I here for aga- oh right, birthday. Haha derp." I reached into my back and pulled the brand new bong, shiny, polished, green, and ornate! It was at this point that I looked up. This is where the 'what the fuck' moments happen. Speaking of what the fuck, my lighter I left on my table was flickering. Weirder still, it was normal flames. The fucking shit was rainbow. "Wooahhhh." was all I could speak out, knowing my mind was too much on a journey to fucking care what comes out of my lips anymore. The candle was flickering a brighter and brighter rainbow tint to it everytime it blinked. It was then the flame suddenly engulfed the desk it was on. I stood there like an idiot trying to comprehend what I'm watching, when suddenly the flame surrounds me and flashes a bright light. I then right there, saw a silhouette of something walking towards me, before I finally pass out. After what seemed like hours to me, I wake up to darkness. At this point, I'm still very groggy, and still find myself being stupid, thinking my eyes are still closed. "Come onnn.....COME ON OPEN!!!" I scream at the top of my lungs. It's something that always upset me, If I couldn't do it on the first try, I fucking snap. It's honestly a bad habit I need to get used to. It's at this point that I decide to look down, and find me seeing my own body. "Well shit......I'm a dumbass aren't I haha. Wait where the fuck am I?" I began to look around frantically. "Wait, am I dead? Did I die from that fire? Wait also, wasn't that fire a fucking rainbow? Wait SHIT what if I'm being judged right now? CRAP! Sorry! Sorry God for swearing! It's a force of habit I swear to Go- AGH SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO D-" I was suddenly cut off by an echoed voice. It sounded like a female but I couldn't tell, it was muffled, or distanced, same story, couldn't tell. "Umm hello? Anyone there?" I croaked. Nothing. Just silence. "Great, I'm probably dead, gunna fail judgement, and now I'm hearing things. Well shit. Wait SHIT! AGH I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS!" After a couple minutes of good old fashioned panicking, I manage to calm myself and lay down. It was then that I heard the voice again. "Do....it's...ing?" "I do.......light, it....erous." I start getting impatient. "Hey! What's going on over there!? Here. There. SOMEWHERE?!" Then everything went black. I slowly found myself to be waking up. Was it all a dream? Damn I need some weed. Hmm I hear somebody. "Shh shh I think it's waking up. "That thing bettah keep its distance, or ah'll teach it a special beating us Apples can do!" "Quiet Applejack! Maybe it's friendly, or simply misguided!" I slowly regained my senses. 'Ok, so I'm on a floor. Wooden. Surprisingly extreeeemely smooth.. me like. I wond- UGH, my head! Oh god! I feel like I just came back from an all-night stander drinking contest. I better have won. Wait, I don't even drink.' I slowly opened my eyes and the light flowed into my eye sockets. I quickly blocked the light with my palm and waited till my eyes adjusted. I lift my back up a bit to a sitting position, half asleep, only to jump at the sounds of gasps. And there it was. There was only me. Yeah me. Me and six other colorful looking ponies in the same room. Good? Bad? Meh? Let me know, I'd love to hear, thanks again for reading!
Ch2: Awkward SituationsWell I'm back from being a lazy ass. HEY! So now I think I'm gunna be up to speed with this story, I had some good feedback before, and I appreciate it if you continue the feedback, for good or for worse. Thanks, here's the chapter, after who knows how long. 'I'm pretty damn sure I made it clear I like my weed dmt-free' So here I am, in a place that I am pretty sure you'd have to be a 5 year old to think up on the spot. And to make matters worse, I don't know how the hell to make it stop. Wait, ponies? What was I doing? Oh right, realizing they were here. Better yet realizing how messed up my head is. What was I gunna do? Oh right. *THUD* Annnnd it's gone. Feeling groggy, I slowly roll over. "Uggghh damn my head" I croak out, clutching my forehead as if a chestburster was gunna pop out. ...oh wait. Right. Bad analogy. I open my eyes, only for them to be blinded by a ceiling light. Instinctively, I shut my eyes and cover my hands over them. "Aww damn! I hate that!" It was only then I flinch to a sudden table tray falling to the ground and a swing of a door. I finally open my eyes to realize I'm laying in a bed. I look up to see a door swinging back and forth after something forcefully ran through it. Huh. Well, at least I know I'm sane and awake. I swear I saw ponies. Living breathing ponies. Like the main six and stuff. It was a weird fucking dream. And Pinkie's standing right next to me. And I was fee- "aaaaAAAAAA-" my mouth was stuffed by a pink hoof. "Shhh mister peach monkey, it's alright, Twilight told me to look after you! But you have to be quiet, she said I was supposed to play the quiet game!" she whispered at somehow unmentionable speeds. "Mhph, whpph da fuur?" I managed out. "You want a muffin fun? I've never heard of that but that sounds like fun! Oooh! I can make muffins out of fun! I never knew that was even possible! Oh I'm getting so excited! Ooo! Ooo! I almost forgot you're new here! I can throw a PARTY! and it'll be super duper fun! And we can use that fun to make more muffin funs! This is so super spec-" like a rocket bend of fuck fuel, I slammed my hand on her mouth. I removed the hoof from my mouth. "..Talk....slower.." I said preventing myself from snapping or going insane from all the talking. "Okie dokey lokey then!" She then gave the most serious face I have ever seen. Holy shit dude what is she up to? "MMmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyy......nnnaaaaammmmeeeeeee.....iissssssssss.......Piiiiiiinnnnkkkkiiii-" another hand slammed on her mouth. I gave her the biggest "are you fucking kidding me face known to man. Pony. Fuck it. "Too slow." I put bluntly. "Okay then! Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie, and it's nice to meet you mister peach monkey!" she grinned. "Mister....peach monkey?" I questioned. I mean, what the fuck? "Yeah! You look alot like a monkey! Except your wearing super weird looking clothes! And they smell weird too! And you have no hair! So I called you mister peach monkey!" she said still wearing that weird grin. "Oh...well ok I guess...where am I?" I asked. Well of course, knowing the people who know who I am by now, of course know that I'm playing this all off. It would be weird knowing everything about Equestria and ponies wondering how I know. I don't know how I got here, but if I play it like this, either they'll think I'm not from here if I teleported or some shit, or I have amnesia or something if I looked liked I was sleeping in a ditch or something. It's a win-win motherfuckers, strategy. "Equestria silly! This is Ponyville and I'm supposed to tell you that your supposed to stay!" she answered happilly. Wait, I'm supposed to stay? "What do you mean stay?" "I mean Twilight said you should stay here, she wants to do some super duper sciencey thingy ma jiggy on you!" I gulped. "Uh..well...I can't stay." I started to get up. "No wait!" She pulled on my shoulder and pushed me down with practically the strength of a bear. "AH! Jesus you could've told me to sit down! Damn." I flinched. "Who's Jesus?" she cocked her head. ......fuck. "Well....see....Jesus....is someone I know! Yeah let's put it like that." I felt accomplished. "Don't you mean 'somepony?" .......god damn it it never ends. "...Ye...yeahh that." I choked out. I had nothing else. "Okey dokey! But you have to stay here and wait for Twilight to get back! I Pinkie promised her!" she finished with a slightly bolder tone to finish. She has the whole pride thing for that huh? "Alright...then.." I ended the topic and slouched down. Well this sucks. I'm apparently stuck in Equestria, I might get experimented on by a main character, and I still needed to get some of- "MY WEED!!!" I screamed out, startling the living shit out of the pink pony. "Hehehe! That was a funny feeling! Do it again!" she giggled out. "No! Listen! When I was asleep or whatever, did you see a black bag?" I asked. "I didn't see a bag. But I did see this cool looking sack on your back!" to which she pulled out my backpack out of seemingly no where. *twitch twitch* "Thanks for my bag, Pinkie." I let out, grinding my teeth against each other. "No problem Peachy!" I can tell this isn't the right person to talk to. Pony. Fuck me this will get annoying. So I unzip my back and check everything in there. Weed, check. Lighter. I flick it to make sure it's not doing no rainbow shit on me. Normal flames. Check. Ok now all I need is....fuck me. I pulled out my green bong. My birthday gift to Bryan. Shit man. Well it at least will keep me going in this world. I got nothing else to smoke it with, plus to me is MUCH better than a blunt. "Alright everythings in here, nice and in order." I sighed. Well, not really in order, just in there I guess. I collapsed on the bed and took a look around my surroundings. Tree. Books. This is most definitely fucking Twilight's house. Two hours passed and nothing. I've just been laying here dealing with Pinkie's 'antics' or so to speak. Funny thing though, I can't help but chuckle. Either because the fact that she's so ridiculously retarded, or she's releasing this vibe that just basically says 'Be happy mother fucker, and you can't do shit about it!' That's when the door to the room opened and a purple pony walked in........psst it's Twilight if you haven't guessed yet. "Oh hi Twily! I was just telling mister peach monkey about the time I baked cupcakes! They were to die for!" she exclaimed. For some reason I had this really weird shudder go down my spine after hearing that. Very, dark, thoughts......fuck that she's pink. "Pinkie, you do that all the time." Twilight said, rolling her eyes. "Oh yeah, right!" she gave a sheepish looking grin. So here we go, interrogation time, the science way. Twilight turns her gaze to me. "So.....um....mister...." she looked lost for words. "Tom." "So mister uh, Tom....what...are you?" she asks. "I'd prefer just Tom, thanks. A human." I say. "Huh?" she stared at me like I was some sort of mental defective. "A human, I'm a human." I repeat, making sure she heard it that time. "......huh?" she says again, giving me that stare. "A HUMAN. Homo Sapien, naked ape, get it?" A few moments of silence. I swear to g- "Huh?!" "Oh for God's Sake! A HUMAN! I'M NOT FROM HERE OKAY? JESUS!" I snap. "Hey there's you're friend again!" Pinkie mentions. *twitch* 'There's something wrong with her. There is something seriously wrong with her.' Twilight perks up, "If you're not from here, where are you from then?" "As far as I'm concerned, or better yet, as far as I know, not this planet." I cross my arms. Twilight's eyes twinkle a bit as if she discovered sex for the first god damn time. "How did you get here?! Did you travel through teleportation? A form of transportation? What?" she spits out in front of my face. "I really don't know, I was checking my lighter until I saw a rainbow flame come out of it, and things happened and wabam! Here I am!" I bring out with a sort of impatient tone to my voice. After scribbling down some notes, she looks up at me and says "Follow me then." 'What? She's fucking telling what to do now? WHAT THE FUCK?!? I'M NOT SOME LACKEY GOING TO FOLLOW ORDERS OR SOME SHIT! I'M A FREE MAN AND I-' "I'm assuming you're hungry. Do your species eat pancakes?" .....oh. Fucking munchies HELL YEAH! I look down at a miniature plate made for a little girls tea time play house with the small little amounts of maple syrup left over from the meal. "Mmm that was great! Who made these? Best pancakes EVER!" I was bluffing. The corners were burnt, the syrup was from concentrate and I bet I could've done it better with my ass. My eyes met a slightly blushiing Twilight. "Oh um thanks, but you shouldn't be giving me credit, Spike makes alot better pancakes then me." she says. 'I'm pretty sure anybody could make pancakes better then you.' "I'm pretty sure you could make pancakes better than anybo-er pony anyday. But I judge too fast, I haven't tasted this 'Spike's' cooking yet." I fibbed. "Thanks I guess" she says rubbing the back of her head with her hoof. "Ok so....what now?" I blurt out. ".....wwweeell I suggest we show you to my friends...?" she says looking to me for approval. Respect. I like that. Or just being nice, either way. "Yeah sounds good to me." I say. Fuck man, more talking, I just wanna get hiiiiigh... "Speaking of which," Pinkie says near the doorway. "here comes Dash right now!" Oh boy. To be honest, this may sound cliche but Rainbow is my favorite pony. Not because the fact that she's supposely awesome, or cool looking. The fact that she reminds me of...well me. "Oh she sounds like fun!" LOLOLOL THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! Zinga. Too bad I laughed too. It made the next part horrible. You know, looking to the left for a second to see a blue blur moving about 120 mph from the doorway to your face. Fan-fucking-tastic.
Ch3: Sobering Up and Lovely WalksSo hello everypony yet again. So I missed my deadline, sue me. Whatever, I got this in finally, and I do hope you enjoy. I shall get one in as soon as I can (Because deadlines are for chumps.) Happy Reading! "-AND JUST TAKE AND SHOVE DOWN SOMEONE'S ASS!" Allow me to explain. Or better yet, let me answer this with a question. How the hell do you react to a rainbow-colored flying mare moving at lightning-fast speeds and colliding with your face? And what's the best way to deal with it without swearing? Well I can give an answer to both. You don't. You just wing it. And as you clearly can see, I really did not wing it. Well, good thing my head's stuck in a bookshelf, otherwise I'm pretty sure everypony's (already getting sick of the pronoun) head would've exploded from the sheer naughtiness. Funny thing though, it would've made it worse if I wasn't laughing so hard over the fact that the fucking door flew off it's hinges. Hoho, a sight you will not wanna miss while you're flying face first into a bookshelf. Well, half the wall too I guess. And that was the feeling. That specific feeling. You know, that one when you were sitting on your ass in a specific way that made it go numb for a second? Well that was that feeling. And you know what happens next? *POP* *THUD* Ladies and gentlemen, my first experience of magic was me getting pulled from my ass out of the wall. "Well this sucks." Only thing to do now is to wash off this bloody nose now. "I'm so sorry Tom!" Twilight said hastily. "Rainbow! Apologize!" "What? How was I supposed to know he wasn't going to hurt you?" Rainbow exclaimed, pushing herself forward towards Twilight. "You didn't even give him a chance to step outside!" "Yeah! But you saw what happened! He came out Celestia-knows-where!" "That's not an excuse! You shouldn't have gone straight to conclusions!" "Look I already said I'm sorry before!" "WHEN HE WAS UNCONS- wait where did he go?" They all twitched their ears to a running faucet being turned off from the kitchen. And so here comes the almighty human, one of its kind! Coming out of kitchen with a wet face and a rolled-up napkin stuffed up his nose. Only silence lingered. "......what?" And there's the trigger. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA" was the simple yet complicated noise filling up the entire library. I swear they were laughing for like 5 minutes now! "Jesus, how long are you guys gunna laugh for?" I said with most likely steam coming out of my eardrums. Ah cartoon physics, gotta love em sometimes. "Pfft-no Tom- cckk-it's nothin-pf-nothing reall-HAAAAHAHAHA!" laughed Twilight as she rolled over on the hard wood floor. "Jesus seems like a cool guy Peachy!" Pinkie piped up before giggling her way across the floor. 'I'm hating this place more and more.' With a disgruntled facial expression and a slight stomp, I walked to the door and closed it shut. A few moments go by before I realize what the hell I just did. I walked back inside and closed the door, only to have the door fall back down to the floor. "Haha Tom! I just had that fixed!" Twilight giggled as she used her magic to screw in the hinges back onto the door. "Huh. Yeah. So, despite being nearly killed a second ago and was laughed at for stopping a nose bleed," I paused, pulling the napkin out of my nose and promptly flicked it out the window. "What were we doing exactly?" I ask. "We were going to see Rainbow silly!" Pinkie exclaimed, popping out from under the table. "But wait! *GASP* SHE'S HERE! Rainbow this is Peachy! He's a-" She was cut off with a simple hoof shoved in her mouth. 'I feel like hooves do a better job at shutting someone up then my hands do.....' "Pinkie I know, Twilight just told me 5 minutes ago!" Rainbow said with an unamused look. "You still haven't apologized to me properly." I reply with a classic, smug bandit grin. "Don't push your luck, buddy." "Eh I'll take it." So shit. I would say that things are escalating in some sort of form but that would be a very huge overstatement. In fact, I'm nervous in a way. Maybe because there's other beings not my species that would be filled in the town outside the slightly hinged door. Or maybe it's because I'm sobering up. That and because I'm still wary over the fact that I think that if someone sees me they'll react in the same way that Rainbow did a few minutes ago. Or maybe all three. Yeah let's go with the latter. So I grabbed my bag, made sure no one touched my things, and came downstairs. "So you ready Tom?" Twilight called from the bottom of the steps. "No," I blankly said, beginning to go down slower. I took a look around the room to find no sign of Rainbow or psycho pink. "Where are the other two?" "They went down to Sugar Cube Corner to pick up an order Pinkie forgot to bring to one of her customers. Oh yeah that's the place Pinkie works at." To be really honest, I was kinda pumped to see that place. To see a building that looks like it came out of Hansel and Gredal is like a childhood dream, except it's not a dream, and it's just like a sight that I'd probably react to with a simple 'huh' to. But at the same time, I feel in the adventurous mood. Maybe I'll find a nice place to sit down and smoke later at night. The simple thought made me grin. "What are you smiling at?" Twilight tilted her head at me. "Oh nothing, excited for today I guess." I said walking to the door, checking to make sure it wasn't going to fall over again. Already knowing something unusual, she took a quick pause before shaking it off and heading out the door. So I took my stride and followed her out, and that's where my happy demeanor left me almost immediately. Eyes. Eyes everywhere. And you know who they're staring at? Me. I didn't know whether this was a good thing or a bad thing, but I was acting normal on the outside, but on the inside, I'm losing my shit. So we took our "lovely" stroll through town, overhearing some hushing, some gasps, and I even saw some mare nearly flip over a stand when she fainted. Oh how badly I wanted to laugh. But what took me by surprise the most, was how many ponies were actually waving to me! Holy fuck! And if someone did that back home I'm pretty sure I'd flip them off at the most. But here was a different story. I felt like swearing here would give you a death sentence. Speaking of which I'm pretty sure back in that bookshelf I would've been arrested a good 15 times. But my point is that I hold in all these opportunities to mess with ponies I don't know, and I blow it off. Jesus Christ I just can't do anything about it! It's as if I'm being written in a horrible fanfiction! Elsewhere, an author sitting on a computer shudders and gets chills for no reason, and shakes it off after drinking some more Mountain Dew. So if I could describe what I'm feeling right now, it would be pretty awkward. Well I'm pretty sure it's awkward for Twilight too, the poor thing can't even show me around without everypony rushing away from it. "And here's Bon Bon's stand where....oh they're gone. Oh and.... aww." "Ok so, get to the point, where exactly are we going?" I grunted, leaving behind a slightly frustrated facial expression. "Ugh, we're going to Fluttershy's, we're going to see if we can get something fix that gash in your neck." "A gash? What?" I feel my hand on the back of my neck and sure enough, I felt some pain, pulling my hand back and noticing a slight stain of blood on my fingers. 'Huh. Surprised I didn't notice that.' "So about how far down are we going?" I ask. "About a mile and a half." She said, keeping her eyes straight, not daring to look around at the ponies staring back at us. "Ughhh." She turned her head. "What? It's not that far." "I know, but you didn't have your head smashed through a bookshelf." "At least I didn't have the bright idea of shoving tissues up my nose after having a nose bleed." She smirked. "....I'm not going to enjoy this." "You don't have to now come on." She picked up the pace a little, pretty much forcing me to keep up with her with the little twitches of pain in my head. 'I'm sure as hell this place is alot more fun baked than it is sober.' So we finally arrived at the so called 'cottage.' It's funny, because people described Fluttershy's house as a cottage. Cool. It looks more like a cool treehouse/doghouse hybrid with a sideways double door. As we approached the door, Twilight was just about to knock, before I stopped her. "What? What is it?" "Well..." 'FUCK! I forgot! I'm not supposed to remember the ponies name's otherwise they'll think something's fishy! Think of something quick!' "Is Fluttershy by any chance......shy?" I ask giving a sheepish smile. She paused before tilting her head to the side. "How did you know that?" '......I'm going to burn this place in a passion so great it'll get me high.' "I...don't know, just a guess...I guess." I answer back, hand scratching my neck already feeling the itchyness coming in. So she turns and knocks on the door and waits about 30 seconds before a creak of the doorway peeks open and a small eyeball comes from the side. '.....the d'awww meter is near full about now.' "Oh, Twilight! Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to keep you...." And then the sudden eye-widening, slight head-raising, terror-filled facial expression meets me when she sees this tall monstrous looking primate behind Twilight. "Uh, Hi?" "-Are you a herbivore like other monkeys? Oh my goodness I haven't seen a creature like you! I'm sorry, I would've gotten prepared if I knew this! So sorry, would you like anything?" 'Holy shit she just talked at the speed of Pinkie.' Unfortunately for me, she noticed the cut on the back of my neck, and I swear I thought she was gunna go overprotective mom on my ass. "GASP! Oh, nononono you poor little monkey you!" "Little?" "We gotta get that fixed up for you! I'm so sorry I'll be right back!" And so she zipped upstairs to grab who-knows-what, probably a first aid kit. "I'm assuming she's not like that normally." I ask, giving a deadpanned look. "Nope." OHHHHHH SNAP SON. The plot is progressing! (Finally.) So with where my story is going, I can assure you that this may stick around for a while. So until next update!
