Fuck Mornings *Redacted*
Fuck mornings.
The absolute worst part of my day is getting up in the fucking morning. My alarm clock was blaring, nagging me to awaken from my peaceful slumber. I was sorely tempted to throw the fucking thing at the wall but that would only result in me having to get a new one. If you couldn't tell already, I am not a morning person.
I work at a toy store that is a little out of my way so I have to be up fairly early to get there on time. I work at a toy store because my friends told me that I am to anti-social and working there would get me out of the house. I don't see how I am anti-social if I have friends but I digress. I do however have another secret reason for working there.
I am a closet pegasister and I get an employee discount on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic merchandise. The only person I have ever shared this information with is my best friend Sherry. Blab and I will personally make your life a living hell.
I figured I would have to get up eventually so I automatically reached for the ladder to climb down and ate shit. I cursed the fact that I never switched to the bottom bunk but that wasn't important at the moment. I brushed myself off and tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes. Of course, I didn't feel a hand rubbing my eyes, oh no. I shrugged it off for a few moments until it hit me that I didn't have hands anymore.
"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!"
I clasped my hands to my mouth because I wasn't sure if I had screamed that. I wanted to scream again but I didn't want to alert anyone else just yet. I could have sworn the voice I just heard came from one of the CMC in Friendship is Magic. What was her name? Sweetie Ball? Sweaty Bell? Yeah, my ability to think in the morning is that of a vegetable. Interpret that how you will.
When I was finished with my internal breakdown I decided I would call in a sick day at work. With my schedule cleared for the day, I decided to go take a shower.
I stood up, took two steps and ate shit once more. It took me a little more than fifteen minutes to relearn a basic motor skill in my new body.
After trudging my way to the bathroom I realized I needed to pee. so I climbed up to the toilet and fell in. "And now my mouth tastes like piss water," I said to no one in general.
I climbed out of the toilet and walked towards my shower, now having a reason to need it. Thankfully the knobs were on the wall so I could just lean my hand er... hoof to turn them.
You're not gonna know how taking a shower went. I'm not that kind of girl, filly, thing, WHATEVER! However, I will say I kept trying to scrub away nonexistent tree sap.
When that horrifying ordeal was over I ran to my mirror to see just what I looked like. Of course, me being the universe's bitch at the moment I was too short to reach. Luckily I had a foot stool that would just let me see my face if I stood on my back legs. I pushed it over and got a good look at myself.
I was a short white filly with green eyes and a short horn sticking out of my forehead. My mane is what caught my attention. One-half was bright pink while the other was purple.
Satisfied or rather dissatisfied that I knew what I looked like I tried to walk downstairs and thrice ate shit. The novelty was wearing thin.
Entering the kitchen I attempted to make myself breakfast. I should not have done that.
I moved towards my fridge and attempted to open it. I fell on my ass. My second attempt went much better and I grabbed a juice box because I didn't want to bother cleaning up anything that spilled because of my lack of hands2. As soon as I put the straw in, the box burst into flames. IT BURST INTO FUCKING FLAMES WITH NO EXPLANATION! I still tried to drink it. Not my best idea.
I decided against breakfast a decided to go watch the news or something.
I trotted towards the living room and sat on a big green bean bag chair and saw the TV remote on the floor. Thankfully it was facing up so all I had to do was hit buttons. What I saw next was the stupidest thing I have ever seen. Apparently, the Anti-Bronies tried to set fire to Hasbro Studios. Yet nothing about DHX. I feel like Navarone in "Diaries of a Madman" right now.
I turned the TV off and went looking for my cell phone to text one of my friends. I found it under my chair. Go figure. And thank god I had one of the older phones with actual buttons.
I sent sherry a text saying that I was... SWEETIE BELLE!... that's her name! ... And expected her to think I was crazy. I would think I was crazy. A minute later my phone beeped and her message simply said 'beware the bronies XD'.
she probably thought I meant I was cosplaying as Sweetie Belle. If that was the case I did not feel like correcting her right now.
I chose to just rock out to Skillet or something for while to try and calm down and clear my head. An hour later my aunt came down and saw me.
"what exactly did I smoke to make me hallucinate a cartoon horse in my living room?" She asked absolutely baffled.
"H-hi Aunt Mary." I stuttered not sure of what I should say to her. I walked towards her and she did a double take.
"Who and what are you?" She asked still surprised.
"Would you believe me if I told you I was your niece May?"
I had a feeling it was gonna be one of those days.
