Feel Good
By Mist
I’ll never forget the last thing my mother told me in those questionable few hours; the way she gripped my face in her hooves and held on tightly. There was something she had grown aware of that I clearly was not. Holding her precious babe in her grasp, she kept powerful eyes locked with my own; her expression devoid of any emotion, her demeanor bleak. Those eyes; glass and empty. Never could I determine what had aged her so much, what had turned her into this creature that she was. A monster of discontent, I was sick just looking at her. That feeling only lasted so long though, it simply vanished, but resurfaced over and over again, constantly drifting back to the shore every time it was cast back out. Then it would be gone.
Those final words, they never left though, they stuck somehow. They clung to my scattered brain and held on regardless of what was happening. I would repeat them verbally sometimes, just to see if I actually recalled them word for word. I never disappointed myself.
“Don’t ever trust how you feel.”
Its meaning perplexed me every single waking day. Every minute of every hour; I had spent an eternity trying to comprehend six words. Trying to make the language speak back to me and tell me what it meant. My tongue was not sufficient to inquire about them, and my brain was not effective enough to elaborate on them.
I couldn’t think about all of that now though. I had to focus on the current things, the things that “mattered” as I was told. Here I was, once again at another visit with my old friend, now a doctor; Rarity.
The young doctor leaned in and looked to me through thin frames perched on her snout and smiled warmly to try and coax me into feeling more comfortable in this dreadful room. I remembered only one thing from every time I came here, and that was this big, stupid empty room; nothing but a chair for her, a bed for me and four white walls. It was a prison I was glad to get out of the moment these sessions were over.
Trying to win me over, the doctor kept her voice soft as she spoke, “Now, tell me why you’re here darling.”
I shrugged and kept my gaze to the ceiling, not wanting to look at her. “I was told by the Authority Bureau that I needed these sessions… They keep telling me that my depression is dangerous to those around me… To be perfectly honest, I’m just going through the motions right now… They tell me to jump, I’ll ask how high… You know what I mean?” My head turned slightly to see her out of the corner of my eye.
The only item she had brought in the room besides her bag was a clipboard, which she was now making checks on. “I can’t say that I do, darling. However I can tell you that everything is fine. You have a nice paying job, a family, and a nice group of friends. What is there to be unhappy about, darling? Life is just here in Mane City, right Pinkie?” Rarity made sure to make eye contact as she spoke my name, a strange smile on her face, one that I was certain was fake. Her attempt at personalizing this meeting was equally as fake; I knew she only used my name to give me the illusion that I could truly confide in her.
I merely shrugged and nodded before giving the canned response I knew to give, “I guess so… Whatever you say, doctor…”
She frowned for only a second as she corrected me, “Please, call me Rarity. We have known each other for years; don’t let my title change that.”
Somehow I felt like all those years were invalidated. Like all that time together was meaningless, nothing but a big blur that was erased when the Authority Bureau appointed her to this position. I only saw her passing by on the street giving a gentle wave when she saw me. That stupid grin always plastered on her face, permanently glued to it. I always wondered if she was capable of holding another expression for more than an iota of a second. For some reason I just wanted to slap that look off of her face, just to prove I could sometimes.
I scoffed at her as a response. She took it in stride as expected and just scribbled on her clipboard. With another sugary smile she looked directly at me when she spoke, always trying to make eye contact, “Alright, Pinkie. I am sure you’re just going through some stress in your day-to-day life. I’m going to clear you for this session and send my report directly to the Authority Bureau and you should be good to go. I’m certain you’ll feel better when you get home.”
Every time I remember her saying that in the past, I would swear up and down it wouldn’t become true, however from my experience by the time I had walked home from this accursed place, I couldn’t even remember why I was sent in the first place. Truth be told, I never really understood why I would get down enough to be sent either. Maybe it was just my mind being overwhelmed by the new world I lived in, or perhaps I was just insane. It was hard to tell anymore; I wagered insane.
Sitting up, I allowed my back hooves to touch the floor before giving a confused look to my old friend in the other chair. I curled my brow in a gesture of complete and utter confusion as I inquired from her, “Rarity… Can’t you level with me?” I had hoped using her name would make the request sound more personal, perhaps even make her feel obligated to answer honestly. “Isn’t there any kind of medication or something to make me stop feeling like this? It seems like I am here once a month… I just want to not feel like this…”
Standing up and gesturing for me to head to the door, Rarity packed up her things. I of course obeyed and gave a sigh as I went towards the door, stopping at her side so she could pat my shoulder with a friendly hoof gesture, a genuine smile on her face this time (or at least appearing genuine). Up close Rarity looked probably nineteen despite being closer to thirty than twenty. Those glasses really complimented her soft face, maybe that’s what made her look so much younger.
The white unicorn looked at me through a lock of the silk she called mane. “Things will be better, I promise. You’re just going through a hard time is all.”
I grunted, “You always say that.”
Her smile turned to more of a smug smirk as she replied, “I’m always right, aren’t I?”
All I gave her for a response was an annoyed grumble, today was no exception.
“Go get some rest, Pinkie.” She patted my shoulder again, “Oh and don’t be a stranger! We’d love to have you over for dinner sometime! There’s always a spot at my table for you if you decide to come over.” She added.
Dinner with a shrink didn’t exactly sound too inviting in my mind. “Thanks… I’ll think about it…” I lied.
She nodded and ushered me out with her hoof, clearly wanting to get home herself as well. I supposed it was time for her to clock out and probably finish her report so she could go have a nice dinner with her younger sister, Sweetie Belle.
I just scurried on out of her way and down the hall towards the exit. Turning around one last time, I got a good look at her. So happy, so content, not a care in the world; she had probably the most depressing job in the whole world, yet not a shred of unpleasantness about her. How did she give up dressmaking for this? I could never honestly pinpoint what the appeal was to listening to a bunch of nutcases all day. How did she always know what to say?
I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand Rarity, she was an enigma that I was positive would never reveal her secrets to anypony. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t partially envious of her positive attitude.
Annoyingly, she was right though, by the time I got home I was in a rather neutral mood. Somehow those therapy sessions always cleared my head and gave me room to breathe. I could feel like everything was fine again. I suppose all I really needed was to let it all out, let it all just sit on the table and blow away gently, and I’d be back to my usual somewhat chipper self. I even found a smile on my face.
This city seemed to wash away my melancholy the moment I got back into it. For some reason I'd feel better whenever I got back into the swing of things, it was a type of magic I could not fathom no matter how much I tried. At the same time though, I was afraid, afraid to ever leave. These buildings and streets had an unusual effect on me. When Twilight first erected the city, I hated it. I was one of the ponies who stood in protest to Ponyville being made a part of Canterlot and renaming the region "Mane City". However as we all learned, we were powerless to stop the almighty Authority Bureau. Celestia simply stood by and preached how change was good.
Not quite surprisingly, Rainbow Dash had come to visit when I arrived home. Her and the Cake family all crowded the door the moment I came inside. This was the norm when I got out of these therapy sessions. The group had always been more concerned for me since my mother passed away four years ago. Rainbow Dash was there with me on her deathbed. She had been suffering from cancer for years prior, we were all just glad she could finally get a peaceful night. Her suffering had been extended far too long.
"Pinkie! Glad to see you're back! You gotta stop worrying me like that!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she grabbed my neck and ran a hoof roughly through my mane.
I laughed as I tried to break free from her hold. "Awww, come on... Stop it!" I giggled, still trying to get free.
Dash and I had become quite close friends over the years. She emphasized how we have to stick together in the big changing times. How it was important that we keep ponies we cared about close while we prepared for a brave new world.
I could honestly say I felt content. I wasn't even sure why I felt so lousy before. Maybe it was just bad old memories resurfacing.
After a barrage of hugs and inspiring comments from my family here, everypony ushered me inside to join them; encouraging me to partake in some cake on the table. I laughed at their knowledge of my sweet tooth. "I swear, you guys know me too well!" I snorted as I spoke.
We ate cake without a care in the world, without a worry for anything around us, and with our heads held high in happiness we never dreamed of. That feeling of family we had, that sense of togetherness we felt then, it was unreal. For that moment, we were possibly the happiest creatures on the face the planet, rich in our joy and full from our glee.
Laughing and joking about, I turned my attention to a television set in the corner of the room; one that had been left on carelessly. There on the dusty screen was a familiar royal figure, one I used to understand, but lately I can't quite grip onto what she was chasing for us all now. There was some kind of goal she was aiming for us all that she seemed to be keeping to herself.
The old princess spoke with much enthusiasm as she preached the same messages we and all been hearing on repeat for what seemed like centuries. Her face filled with delight and and the same elegant grin on her maw that we could remember from the old days. The days we seldom spoke of. There seemed to be a sort of gloominess about even mentioning the old days.
"Remember, every citizen deserves a smile." She spoke from the box.
Celestia never seemed to age a millisecond. Many were probably envious of her youth. Even in these changing times, she remained consistent, so pure, so familiar. Many would swear by her word, if not all. Celestia's seal was still the mark of quality and trust that ponies looked for. The face of Equestria was always changing, but the face of its most trusted princess remained the same. It's unfortunate that it was often followed by its most untrusted princess usually. This was one of those incidents.
Right after the pristine white alicorn vanished, a purple one appeared. Her face filled with that same fakeness I came to understand. I couldn't tell if anypony actually believed the hogwash that left her mouth, or they were just going through the motions because it was simpler. After all, everypony dreamed of a simpler existence. An existence that was less burdened, less troubled. At this current time, all I could feel was mild annoyance and not my usual contemptness that I got when I saw the young figurehead princess. It was odd really.
"I received this inquiry..." She began, clearly about to rattle off some letter that she received. "Dearest princess, why does the Authority Bureau perform their inspections?" She read with a rather monotone voice. With a plastic smile on her muzzle she replied to the writer. "I thank you for your concern, citizen. The Authority Bureau as I have explained before is intended to better life in Equestria through gentle guidance and security. It provides a piece of mind, hope for a better tomorrow. It is protection for our way of life. As we grow, so do those who would see us gone. The Authority Bureau eliminates that threat. These inspections are merely to keep that protection in order. I assure you that every official is hoof picked and has and will always behave in a professional manner."
That much was true. We had an inspection at our place every eight months or so. The officials, who were called Foxes were always very polite and never went nosing about where they shouldn't be. They'd just come by sat down for a cup of coffee and asked how everypony was doing and how they feel about life in the city. After that, they'd take their leave with a smile on their face. Creepy at times, but they were virtually harmless. Still, I always suspected they were looking for more than they let on.
Twilight continued her reply, "Any model citizen has nothing to fear from these inspections." She ended with another smile.
I suppose that made sense. Nothing to hide meant nothing to fear. Still I was tired of hearing her. "Why do we always watch this stuff?" I asked around the table.
Rainbow laughed, "What's wrong? Miss old Twilight? Can't say I blame you, I miss when she didn't have all this responsibility and we could see her all the time. Poor girl probably has no social life with how busy she is."
Maybe I did miss the old days a little. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cherish my old memories of being in Ponyville with my old bookworm friend. It was amazing what a little crown could change.
"Yeah, plus I think my show is on." I giggled in response to Dash.
She rolled her eyes. "Sheesh, you're such a child at times. When are you going to stop watching cartoons?"
I chuckled, "Probably never."
"I hate to see what your future husband will deal with." Dash teased.
A big smirk painted itself on my face as I changed the channel, landing on my favorite cartoon, "He’d better love them too." I replied.
Rainbow Dash smirked as she took a sip of the drink in front of her. "I swear, Pinke, you're as strange as they come. I doubt there can exist another pony like you." She said.
I winked, "For all of our sake, let's hope you're right."
Mr. And Mrs. Cake couldn't help but snicker at my statement.
When I sleep at night, I dream of the time I spent before this city was built. A time when Twilight wasn't this big important leader of the Authority Bureau. A time before the bureau was even an idea. Mane City didn't even have blueprints to be built yet, and I didn't have to go see Rarity every time I had an episode. Actually, I didn't even have any episodes at all.
I think the most prominent memory I had of Twilight was a party she attended that I put on. There we sat with a cup of tea in our reach, and smiles on our faces. Oh how she was so odd back then; she was much more prone to excitable behavior then. Not like she is now with her sense of royal duty and prestigious demeanor. She was more likely to play along with a joke then, now all that remained was a serious girl, always following a schedule or a plan, never straying even an inch to enjoy anything else.
She'd sip from her cup and look up to me, smiling like she always did. "You're sure that you're okay?" She would say.
I'd nod and just remember how thankful I was for her sentiment. My mother had died only two weeks prior. The struggle with cancer was long for her. Her body had grown tired of fighting, and with silence, she returned to a rest that she had earned long ago. Twilight was the first one to show up at the service even.
"Nothing is forever, right?" I smiled, trying to calm her down about the subject, I could already tell she was prepared to comfort me if need be. At that point though, I was just trying to overcome the pain of losing her. Mother always said to smile whenever possible after all.
Her expression became a very somber one. Her face seemed to aim in my direction, but it wasn't truly looking at me. "That's not always true..." She said.
"Well, then I hope our friendship is one of those exceptions." I grinned as I nudged her shoulder.
She returned to her happy state and sipped again from her tea. "If that's what you wish, then that's what I will fight to make happen."
I don't exactly feel like she kept that promise.
With my old friend, Rainbow Dash, we would often sit around doing nothing to pass the time. "Goofing off" as we put it.
We'd lay on our backs and look to the sky, observing the fluffy balls of gas float by in the springtime and let our cares and troubles float away with them. Time would escape us, and our concerns would disappear if not just for a little while. We'd forget all about this city, and just become nostalgic as we lost ourselves in the old days. The blissful wonders of our memories would wash over us, and we'd just enjoy being.
"Heh, hey Pinkie, remember when we had that cake eating contest?" Dash mused.
I did, it ended with a stomach ache for the both of us. Dash could never say no to a challenge, even if it was a stupid one. Never did she pass on a chance to prove she was the best. Once she even challenged Rarity to a fashion contest just because she was told she couldn't dress better than Rarity. To our surprise, Dash won.
"Yeah, that was right before my mother passed away..." I remembered.
Dash sighed, "Come on, don't think about that stuff. You don't want another visit with Rarity do you?"
"Rarity's not so bad." I replied.
Dash shook her head. Something was strange about her during conversations like this, she always tried to steer them away from depressing subjects like this. "Come on, life's too short." She added.
"That's what you always say." I rolled my eyes.
"Hey, remember when we had that cake eating contest?" She smiled, trying to change the subject.
I blinked and sat up a bit, turning to look at her in confusion. "We just talked about that." I reminded.
Dash shook her head. "Err... Yeah... Sorry. Totally forgot. Heh, so anyways what did you want to do?" She was trying to change the subject yet again, but this time I couldn't help but fixate on the fact that she had completely forgotten a discussion we had only seconds before. It had happened before, and every time she always tried to play it off nonchalantly.
"Actually, I think I need to see Rarity... Sorry..." I stood up as I spoke.
"Huh? Why? Everything is fine." Dash quickly defended.
"I don't feel so fine..." I said as I started walking away from her. Just as quickly as I had made my first step, she gave chase and placed a hoof on my shoulder.
"Hey, relax. No reason to go see her." Dash gave a smile to me as she tried to convince me to stay.
I swatted her hoof away and took another two steps away. She was starting to annoy me. "Just let me go." I insisted.
"Pinkie, I-" She tried to talk, but I ended her sentence with a strike to the face; fire in my eyes as I stared her down. Her hoof went to her jaw as she looked back up to me. Instead of getting angered, she just nodded, "Yes... Perhaps that's best..." She said rubbing the area.
I turned and left her there as I made my way back to Rarity's office. I'd rather go now than wait until I was issued an appointment by the Authority Bureau. Knowing Dash, she'd report me striking her within the hour anyways. She always said she only reported me because she wanted me to feel better. Always went on about how if I need the help, she'd rather I get it than sit there in my room like a loon. Part of me still believed I was a loon though, and that this therapy wasn't really helping.
I only hoped that Rarity could clear my head as she always did and that I was wrong.
As per usual, my visit with Rarity was short and as expected, the desired result was acquired. By the time I laid in bed that night, I felt much better. It was as if my anger and frustration had vanished entirely. That was until I got a phone call.
Reaching for the phone near my bed, I picked it up and held it to my ear, "Hello?"
"Hey, it's me." Dash's voice exited the phone.
"Oh, hey. Listen, I'm sorry about hitting you... I don't know what came over me..." I smiled sheepishly, despite knowing that Dash couldn't even see me.
Her voice let out a laugh. "Hey, no worries! It's all good! No hard feelings."
Something seemed amiss, she was far too forgiving. I remembered hitting her hard enough to almost knock her over, yet she was so quick to dismiss that. The Dash I knew would stew over it for a few days. That isn't to say I wasn't thankful she wasn't cross with me, but I knew Dash better than that.
I had frozen in thought. Dash called out to me, "You okay?"
"Yeah..." I replied quietly, "I'm gonna have to call you back... I'm making cupcakes and I have to check on them." I lied.
I hung up before she even had a chance to say goodbye. I had to think quickly. Something wasn't making sense here. Maybe I could write down what I was feeling? No, it had to be a method only I would understand. Something that nopony could guess from looking at, and something that couldn't be taken away or moved. They had inspections after all, which meant they had an excuse to look around in whatever they wanted.
There was no doubt that the Authority Bureau was involved somehow. It seemed like every time I went to see Rarity, they would have an inspection just a few days later if not on my home, somepony I knew. Clearly they were looking for something, so I had to make sure that there was nothing to find. The question was, what was the extent of their power? Could they threaten their way through anything? Were the Cakes at their mercy? Maybe Dash was working for them even.
No doubt they probably had the place bugged. They could probably see my every move. How else do they know where to inspect? That meant leaving any kind of physical reminders was impossible unless they were well hidden. I needed a system for every time I came into contact with the Authority Bureau.
The rave hall. It was perfect. I frequented there enough on Friday nights that it wouldn't look suspicious if I went there. I could leave some kind of reminder there. Perhaps in the bathroom where there was less likely to be anypony to look. I could hide it under one of the old tiles and go back to it if I ever needed to see again. Anything to shake the fuzziness out of my head.
I could get the paper when I was there to lower suspicion. I smiled at the Cakes as I ran downstairs. "Hey, I'm going to go talk to Vinyl at the rave hall about a party going on this weekend. I wanted to see if she needed any decorating." I lied.
They of course thought little of it, "Alright, Pinkie. Just hurry back, we're making supper right now." Mrs. Cake gave her usual smile.
I nodded and bolted out the door. I purposely took the back way to avoid running into Rainbow Dash. I knew her routine, so it was easy to avoid her. It was not that I didn't like my friend, it was just that I couldn't afford to be distracted now.
That walk to the rave hall took a bit longer than I had wanted, but when I finally arrived, I quickly snagged a business card from the front. It wasn't much, but it was paper, and it didn't look odd to take. To any onlookers I was just a party planner looking for work; nothing out of the ordinary.
Part of me thought that perhaps I had lost my mind. All of those because of Rainbow Dash repeating herself and being a little forgetful? Why was I overreacting this much? I decided I would at least leave my note, that way at least I'd have it. If it would put my warped mind at ease, then perhaps it was for the better.
Sneaking past Vinyl and into the bathroom, I made my way into a stall and lifted an old smelly tile from next to the toilet. It wasn't exactly sanitary, but it would do. Something caught my eye though; another business card already there. Taking it in my hoof, I noticed something even more odd, my handwriting was already on it. I didn't recall ever writing it though.
Every scratch under your hoof is another time you've forgotten. You won't even remember you wrote this note. Don't believe anything around you.
Curiously, I lifted my hoof to see half a dozen old scars there. I cut myself to remind myself of something apparently. I guess it was to remind myself that I've forgotten. Six scratches by my count. With the sharp edge of the tile I lifted, I quickly made it seven. I must have put them at the base of my hoof so they wouldn't be noticed.
What was I trying to remember that I had forgotten though? It must have had something to do with Rarity. There was no way that those visits were "normal" as they tried to make me believe. Something strange was going on during those sessions, but what? Maybe if I could sneak into her office and check my file, I could see what she has been doing all this time. Perhaps she was using some kind of hypnosis to make me forget something.
I had to move quickly to her office. Bolting out of the bathroom and the rave hall, I tried to make my way to the Authority Bureau Center Twelve building. Unfortunately Rainbow Dash was waiting for me outside. A dumb grin plastered on her face as she approached, "Ah, there you are, Pinkie." She said.
"Dash, I gotta run... Something important just came up..." I poked my head around her, trying to signal that I didn't want to sit and chat with her.
"Don't be so high strung, Pinkie." Dash laughed.
I looked her in the eyes as I replied, "Rainbow, the Authority Bureau is up to something, and I need to figure out what... They're making me forget for some reason..."
"That's crazy talk, why don't you just come home and relax?" Dash offered.
"I can't, I need to do this." I insisted as I tried to get around her again, only for her to step in the way.
Dash kept that smile of hers as she kept trying to coax me. "Come on, you'll feel a lot better if you just let it go, your mind is playing tricks on you."
Finally getting annoyed with her, I pushed her out of the way. "I don't want to feel better!"
As she landed on her rear she blinked and looked up to me with concerned eyes. "Maybe you should go see Rarity..."
That was the last thing I wanted to do. Quickly trying to convince her I was fine, I offered to help her up. "No ,no, that's alright... I was just overreacting. Just wait for me back at my house, okay?"
Pulling herself to a stand with my hoof she nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure you'll feel better when you get home." She grinned as she said those words.
My brain paused at those words. The exact same words that Rarity had repeated many times. Right before I would forget what was bugging me. I could hardly believe it as I took a step backwards. "Yeah... I'll see you later." I smiled sheepishly as I took my leave before she had a chance to say or do anything else.
It was too clear now, Dash was in on this. For whatever reason she was working with Rarity and the Authority Bureau, but why? What did they hope to gain by making me forget? What was I even forgetting? What memories could be in my own head that they didn't want me entertaining? The Cakes had to be in on it too, now that I thought about it, they all seemed to keep encouraging me to see Rarity whenever I felt down. This operation was big, it was possible that the entire neighborhood was in on it. How else could they keep me from discovering this unless they controlled everypony that I interacted with.
I needed to see that file in Rarity's office. That's why I smashed a basement window and crawled inside the building. Grabbing a piece of the broken glass, I decided that I may need it to get through the facility. If not for anything other than to "coax" a few guards into leaving me be.
Something was strange though, when I got up to the main hallway, the place was entirely unguarded. Not a single security guard in the place. Sure there were cameras, but nothing was really protecting this floor. The doors didn't even have locks on them. Why were they so confident about this place? Was it possible that they could hide their secrets in plain sight? Perhaps their questionable operations didn't take place here? No, even a hospital would keep records locked up, it didn't make sense.
Running down the hall, I noticed the cameras turning with me. Somepony was watching me, but who? If this floor was unguarded, who could possibly be watching me?
I'd have to ponder that later, as I came up to Rarity's office. I wasn't looking forward to stepping into that big white empty room again, but I knew that the answers I seeked were in here. I had to know the truth. Closing my eyes and bracing myself I opened the door and rushed inside, hoping to be ready for when I opened them.
I wasn't.
When I gazed upon the room, it was different, completely different. Instead of a white empty room, it was filled with computers, X-Rays all over the wall and a big chair in the center with straps on the arms of it. Several drills and mirrors hung over the chair, and looked as if they had been used enough times to where blood was indefinitely stained on them. I was hoping this would jog my memory, but none of this seemed familiar.
Checking the door, I hoped I had the wrong room, but sure enough it was correct.
Looking to an X-Ray on the wall, I recognized the pony in it, me. A red marker had circled a small section of the skull. Something was going on in this room, and I knew who could tell me. Bolting out of there, I quickly got myself on the elevator and jammed the top floor button. It was getting late at night, but still I didn't expect security to be so thin.
The doors opened allowing me to enter the top floor, and just like the other floor, there wasn't a single guard on patrol. I knew as a fact though that one pony was watching me, otherwise the cameras wouldn't be there. I had a feeling I knew who that pony was too.
I checked a map and made a mental note where her office was and headed in that direction with my shard of glass in hoof. If she tried to fight, I'd be ready for her.
Turning, I rammed the door open with my shoulder and skidded to a stop. "Twilight!" I shouted.
This "office" was nothing like I expected. Monitors surrounding almost every wall, and lots of bizarre medical equipment. IV bags, what appeared to be food and water linked up to drips along with thousands of cables headed to the center of the room where a tired looking purple alicorn sat in a harness she had clearly made for herself to keep upright. Her eyes had no shine to them whatsoever, she appeared in the poorest of health; nothing like she looked on television. I’d have guessed she looked like she was seventy if I didn’t know any better. Her entire face drooped and lacked the life I remembered from our youth together. She almost looked like a corpse hanging there.
The harness lowered her and she gingerly allowed her hooves to touch the floor as she trotted over to a chair in front of a simple desk and planted her rear in it carefully. She didn't bother removing any of the cables or drips attached to her as she did so. Leaning back with a genuine smile she nodded. "Pinkie..." She began. "I saw you coming." She pointed to the monitors.
"I apologize for the mess." She added.
Shaking my head, I gave a confused expression, "What is all this? What's going on?" I asked.
Twilight swirled her hoof around to imply she was talking about the entire room. "Everything I need to survive is in this room. Drugs to take the pain, and food and water given to me constantly. Oxygen if I need it, and plenty of mechanical equipment to help me in the event that I'm too weak. The most advanced life support systems available." She grinned as she said those words, quite proud of her accomplishment. "They will keep my mind going long after my body fails me. Back up systems for my back up systems. You know I always liked to be prepared." She joked.
"Are you... Dying?" I approached carefully.
Up close she looked even more tired than I thought she looked from afar. It almost pained me to even see her like this.
"Not yet, I'm not... However my body can only take this strain for so long before it fails. Even as powerful as I am, I have limits just like you." Twilight answered.
I couldn't really understand what she was talking about. I inquired further, "What is going on? What's happened to you, Twilight?"
She sighed and shook her head, while retaining that strange smile as she spoke, "This is the price I pay for being a leader. Every leader must make sacrifices, and I am making mine; my body. I willingly and freely give it up for Equestria."
"I don't understand..." I said.
"I control Mane City right from this office. I control the electricity, the temperature, and the citizens. I am Mane City." She grinned.
I placed a hoof on my head as I thought. "The visits to Rarity...?"
She nodded. "All my doing. I established the Authority Bureau to maintain the city, to inject our bliss serum into every pony."
"And Rainbow Dash... The Cakes...?"
The alicorn nodded again, "All me." She replied.
This was all very confusing. "Why though? Why did you fabricate my life?"
"The same reason we injected the serum in the first place, to keep ponies happy. I created a perfect little life for you so that you could be happy. I filled it with all the pleasant things that you love so you'd never have to feel upset again. I did so for everypony" She explained.
Apparently that wasn't working out for her, otherwise we wouldn't be here right now. "Why though?"
"You ask a lot of questions." Twilight observed out loud, "And the reason is to protect you. Look out that window." She gestured to the only window in the room, recessed in the far back corner.
With a shrug, I carefully made my way to the old dirty glass, knowing there was potential for this to be some kind of clever trick. Twilight may be physically weak, but she is far from stupid. I wouldn't slip it past her to try and fool me when my guard is lowered.
Indeed something was amiss out there. In place of the clean and bustling city was a bunch of old rotted buildings, debris of destroyed landscape everywhere, and not a plant with half a bit of life in it around. The ponies who trotted along were dirty, mangy and clueless. They walked right past old skeletons laying in the streets.
"Right now, you and I are the only ones who see the city for what it is." She spoke without getting up, clearly already knowing what I was seeing.
"What happened...?" I blinked, trying to see if this was real or not.
"A fight, Celestia and Luna destroyed each other; the result left Equestria a smoldering pile of dirt and ash." She responded.
I quickly pivoted around and faced her. "But I see them on T[V all the time!" I yelled, objecting.
Twilight laughed, "It’s amazing you can do with old recordings and a little creativity, isn't it? Not to mention I can manipulate any pony's emotions and thoughts. Any suspicion they have, I just erase it."
I scowled at her, "You have no right to change how they feel! They deserve the truth!"
Twilight turned an amused eye to me, "I am how they feel. The whole world is under my control. All of their blissful feelings come from me, and me alone. I am the only pony aware of the state of the world. Even my agents within the Authority Bureau don't know what's going on. They've never even been in this office."
"And any time one of them gets suspicious... You just erase that suspicion..." I was starting to piece it together.
She nodded, "Thus all this equipment. To control such a large operation as the city requires a lot, even for a mind as great as mine. As I said before; I will sacrifice my body for them."
"Why not just tell them the truth?" I asked.
"If they knew the truth, they would panic. This city is the final stronghold we have. If they are permitted to leave, they will die out there. Here they are safe, they are happy." She explained.
There were a few holes in her logic, "They are only happy because they are told to be happy."
Twilight let out a hearty laugh as she relaxed in her chair. She turned it to face out the single window. "They would not even know what happiness was if it were not for me. Their feelings are lent to them from me. I sacrifice my ability to be happy so that they might be. They will survive this way."
I paused as I thought about it; it all made sense. “The serum… That’s how you control them…”
She nodded, “It allows me to project my emotion into them.”
“What about those who left the city? Surely they must have figured out that they are being manipulated when the serum wears off and they see what’s out that window.” I pointed out the flaw in her plan.
“The serum doesn’t wear off. You’re merely an exception to the rule…” She replied, a fake smile on her face. “Besides… Nopony ever leaves the city. I merely project the memories of them going away and returning into everypony’s head.”
"And the serum doesn't work on me very well, so what happens to me now?" I quizzed.
“Yes, that is why I had several corrective treatments administered on you…” She replied.
I put my hoof on my forehead. “Those meetings with Rarity…”
She nodded, “Rarity was unaware of what she was doing. Ignorance is bliss after all. In her mind she was seeing exactly what you were seeing.”
“Why am I a threat then?”
Twilight took an oxygen mask in her hoof and took a few puffs as she struggled to get air. “During the moments when your serum stops working, I can not see your thoughts… You’re unpredictable…”
“So that’s all? I’m a safety risk?” I blinked in disbelief, could Twilight really see into my thoughts?
"You are similar to your mother, she too had a high resistance to it. I have learned from my mistakes though. Neutralizing you won't be necessary." She said.
Neutralize? Was she saying what I think she was saying?
"What do you mean? She died of cancer..." I corrected.
"Those are just the memories I planted in your head. She was a threat to our security." Twilight spoke plainly.
"So you killed her!?" I growled as I banged my hooves on the table.
"No, I erased her. There is no killing in my world. Ponies have no concept of such things, because I do not allow it." She was so arrogant in her replies, I wanted to knock her over and beat her to a bloody pulp. “I learned from my mistakes though… I am preserving you to learn as to why you possess this resistance… I’m… Studying you if you will…” She added.
“What gives you the right!?” I growled.
She chuckled at my frustration. “You’re angry, you’re welcome.”
I rose a brow in confusion. “I’m welcome…? For what?”
“Your anger. I make it possible for you to be angry.” She smirked.
"And what is stopping me from killing you? You're a sickly old mare now. I could destroy you here and end your world." I grinned as I pointed that out.
“If you did that, then the only thing keeping these ponies from the harsh reality they live in would be destroyed. They would see the world for what it is, chaos would ensue. It would be the end of our world… Not just mine.” She lectured.
“You don’t know that for certain. Ponies learn from their mistakes… They could adapt…” I was leaning closer and closer to her as I spoke, my fury building.
“And what if they don’t? This way… We will survive.” She responded.
“So that’s what you think…? You’re some kind of savior that is bestowing this gleaming gift unto us?” I hissed.
“When the battle happened… I saw two of my closest friends fight… Two ponies I loved… Destroy each other… I never wanted to see that again. So now… All of my friends… Everypony… They no longer know pain… They no longer know suffering… They don’t know death… They only know happiness… A dream come true.” She had that smile returning, this time though it felt more genuine as she basked in her own glory.
“Maybe it’s time for that dream to end.” I said.
Twilight only laughed happily. I failed to see what was so funny.
She merely shook her head and looked me in the eyes with that very same plastic smile she always had. "Pinkie..." She began, "Why not go get some rest... I promise, when you get home..."
I froze knowing what was coming next as my eyes locked with hers.
"You'll feel a lot better."
