Chapters Despair is the Only Answer
There are not many of them, all things considered: the truly old. Even on this planet, in this age, when ponies consider a mere hundred years, or a thousand, to be an unusual span. There are, for example, less than ten thousand individuals alive today who have personal memories of the saber-toothed tiger, the megatherium, the cave bear. There are today less than a thousand who walked the streets of Atlantis. (The first Atlantis. The other lands that bore than name were shadows, echo-Atlantises, and they came later.) There are less than five hundred living ponies who remember the equestrian civilizations that pre-dated the great lizards. (There were a few; fossil records are unreliable. Several of them lasted for millions of years.) There are roughly seventy ponies walking the Earth, normal to all appearances (and in some cases, to all medical tests currently available) who were alive before the Earth had begun to congeal from gas and dust. How well do you know your friends, your neighbors, your lovers? Walk the streets of any city and stare carefully at the people who pass you, and know this: They are there too. The old ones.
-The Sandman
There are many Gods, Demigods, fake gods, bad gods, would-be gods and dead gods. There are so many of them that their numbers outmatch the stars in the sky.
Many held a functional role in the universe, while others just existed. Despair was one of the lesser beings who mattered. He holds the title and role as the universal concept of all Despair, Hopelessness and Dread.
By most species in the galaxy he is portrayed as an evil being that wrecks havoc all over the universe by spreading destruction and despair wherever he goes, but to anyone who has met Despair, knew that this couldn't have been any further from the truth.
He was in no way evil. He would never wish upon another being the true meaning of despair. In truth he was just a broken god with a secret, a secret that should never be told.
He was one of the few primordial beings who were still alive today (Many have either died or have changed names/forms). He was in no way the most powerful of concepts, but he was one of the most feared. He was feared because of what he knew and what he knows is enough to reduce even the most strongest of gods to hollow shells of their former selves.
He held the most important secret in the universe that no one knew the answer to except for him. And the time of its reveal was nigh.
Celestia in her state of prime and power looked upon her friend with uncertainty. “Rarely do you ever come to visit me, brother. Is something the matter?” She asked, concerned with Despairs presence.
Ignoring her question or simply not hearing it, Despair formed a hollow smile. “How long has it been since we last seen each other?” He asked looking towards her two guards who stood at the foot of her throne. He could see the sweat beads form on their faces as they tried their absolute best to not look upon Despair, lest they become him themselves. He didn't know where those idiotic rumors were coming from, but he did find it somewhat amusing to see a mortal tense up upon looking at him.
These of course were the first mortals he had seen in a long time. He had not felt the joy of laughter in a long time either, but this did amuse him, if he could best identify with that emotion.
Without hesitation Celestia answered him. “It’s been merely two thousand years since you’ve last graced me with your presence, which puzzles me significantly. You rarely fall back on a promise.” Celestia said with obvious tension in her voice. “Leave us.” She commanded the guards.
Her two guard ponies saluted and quickly rushed out of the room.
Despairs ears flattened. He could see the pain in her eyes...and the anger. He had hurt her badly, something of which he never intended to do. “I’m sorry…” He mumbled just enough for her to hear. “I’ve been dealing with something’s…” He said softly, before recoiling as Celestia threw a book at him.
“Gods…not this again. Did our vows not mean anything to you? Were they just words that never registered into that thick head of yours?” Celestia boomed. The force impacted upon her voice was enough to shake the entire room.
Unable to look her in the eye, Despair held his head down in shame. “I’m sorry Celestia. I truly am,” He said while inhaling slightly. “But the weigh on my shoulders is a burden that is too tough to bare. You know this.” He said fighting back a tear that was forming in his eye. Despair had no value for himself, but he did treasure Celestia. She was his one and only wife, how could he not? Some gods who were detracted from mortal events often found time slipping past them. Despair was one of these gods and not seeing his own wife for two thousand years was unforgivable, no matter the reason. Despair knew this.
Celestia stepped off of her throne, taking the necessary steps so that the two of them could speak to each other eye to eye. She placed her hoof on his cheek wiping away a tear that had fallen. “When we exchanged our vows. We promised that we would be there for each other. We promised that we would bear the weight of each others problems for better or worse.” She said struggling not to release any of her own tears.
Despair pushed her hoof away. “I am not the same pony that you fell in love with… I’m nothing… A nobody.”
Celestia shook her head. “Not to me you're not. Too me you are the same Hope that I fell in love with all those eons ago.”
Despair closed his eyes and began to grit his teeth. He hated that name. He hated the very concept. There never was such a thing as hope; it was false emotion you gave to yourself when the going gets tough. The only truth in this universe is despair. “You’re so quick to say that, but you don’t know what I know. You don’t understand the burden I carry and you never will.”
“How can I understand if you won’t let me? What is this burden you hold? Why won’t you let me share it along with you?” Celestia asked as the tears began to stream. “Or did you never love me enough to trust-”
“NO! Don’t say it! Don’t you dare say it… That’s no true. Gods, I love you more than anything else in existence, but I just can’t…” He said collapsing to the floor. He began to bury his head within his hooves. “I just can’t…” He whispered.
'Together until the end of time… We shall be there for each other. No matter the cost, no matter the fates, no matter how tough the weight, we each have to undertake. I will be there for you. If you feel as though you have to hold the entire universe on your shoulders, then it’s my job as your husband to hold half of it. If you ever reach the point of hopelesses then I will be the hope that drives you forward. I will and forever shall be your husband. Do you remember those words you uttered to me? Did you think that only one of us was included in that little speech of yours? I am here for you as well. If you ever feel as though you can’t move forwards, fall back on me and I will give you the extra push that you need to continue forward. I am you’re wife and no matter the costs I will always be here for you.” She said embracing her husband as he wept in silence.
He knew what he had to do. He knew what had to tell her. He loved her too much not too. He pulled her close, as tears continued to stream down. He put everything that he was into uttering the word.
A whisper was all it took…
Despair is the Only Answer
Luna paced back and forth through the throne room as she yelled every insult she could think. "WHAT HAST THOU DONE TO OUR SISTER? WHATEVER THOU HAST TOLD HER, SHE IS NOW BOUND TO A SLEEP THAT SHE WILL NOT WAKE FROM!" Luna boomed while in her royal cantorlot voice causing Despair to cover his ears in both annoyance and out of pain.
Despair remained silent. He had nothing to say to Luna. Doing his best to keep calm, Luna turned her attention towards him and began walking until their face were but mere inches away from each other. "ANSWER US!" Luna yelled.
Wincing at the fact that his eardrums had nearly burst from the loudness of her voice, Despair began to scowl. "Luna, shut up. You're making it infuriatingly hard not be annoyed, right now." Despair said giving Luna a small glare which silently told her to back away from him, which she did. "If I were to grace you with an answer to your question it would result in you being comatose as well or worse, considering how weak and feeble you can be." Despair said getting his ears ready for another bashing.
"I AM NOT WEAK AND FEEBLE!" She thundered shaking the entire castle. She immediately recoiled as she realized that she had just proved his point.
"Emotionally. You're weak emotionally." Lifting his hooves away from his his ear, Despair began to frown. "You'd be better off not knowing what I told her. You're kingdom needs a ruler don't they?"
Luna began to grit her teeth. She didn't like Despair. She never has and probably never would, but she had to admit if whatever Despair did could put Celestia in the state that she was in, she couldn't imagine what it would do to her. Accepting that she shouldn't pry any further, she let out a stressful sigh. "How am I going to lower the sun if Celestia is asleep?" Luna thought to herself. She looked back towards Despair for help on raising the sun, but he was already gone.
Despair looked over Celestia as she laid resting and vulnerable. The guards that were supposed to have been watching over her were useless, those who stood outside couldn't do anything if someone powerful like himself decided to march right on in and slit her throat. He had just proved his point by teleporting in here unseen and unheard. If he was an adversary of Celestia's then her life was already forfeit. He leaned over and tried to plant a kiss on her lips, but found himself slamming into the wall across the room with enough force to break a mortals spine. Luna must've put up a barrier around her. She's smarter than I thought.
The guards from outside immediately rushed inside and began to inspect the room. The guards looked in Despairs direction, but quickly looked away as if they didn't seen anything. Which was true since mortals can't look at a god unless they wanted to be noticed.
A few minutes of an intense and through search the guard ponies decided to leave. "Must've come from one of the other rooms." One of the guards said.
Waiting until they fully left the room. Despair frowned as he still continued to look at her sleeping frame as if he was trying to study her, memorizing every detail that had changed over the two millennia that he had been gone. She had gotten a lot taller that was for sure. That fact caused him to smile.
However that smile quickly faded as he realized something rather important. "Two millennia? Oh my gods, I've been gone two millenia?!" He mentally screamed. He had left his wife for two thousand years. "What in tartarus have I've been doing for two thousand years?" Despair took a minute to think, but when nothing came up. He silently began to scream. "Oh my gods, I don't know where I've been. I've lost so much time. What the hell happened too me?"
"What are thou doing in here?" Luna asked as she materialized from the shadows of the room.
Despair looked at her with uneasy eyes. "Luna, have you seen me at all in the past two thousand years? Maybe just a glimpse or a mention?"
Luna raised her eye. "That is a peculiar question, but no we have not. We have not seen thou since the fall of Discord." Despair began to rub his temples. Something wasn't adding up. "She looked for thou. She traveled all of the universe in search of her comfort, but thou was not there." Despair could sense the animosity, it was practically leaking out of her.
Despair turned around and looked at her. "Are you being cross with me?"
"Yes, we are. Thou abandoned her in her time of need!"
"And where were you? If she needed comfort why didn't she go to you or her pillow?" Wait...that's not right. That's not me. There was a small tingling feeling within Despairs head. He had felt it before, a long, long time ago, but he couldn't figure out what it was.
"We was imprisoned." She said glaring at Despair. Watching as he turned his head away from her and looked back at Celestia.
"You're right...you're right. I'm pathetic" Despair said shaking his head. She was right. He had no excuse, she was right. What type of husband was he if he could just abandon his wife like that and not look back. He held his head down in shame. He had to leave. There was nothing here for him at this moment. Celestia would in a unconscious for who knows how long. There was nothing he could do, instead the reason for his departure was that he needed to figure out who in the universe has seen him and he had someone in mind who might have.
"Are thou leaving?" Luna asked with a stern look on her face.
"Yes, but I'll be back. I...there's something I need to do."
"Are you going to leave her again." Despair didn't even answer, he was already gone.
Author's Note
What god's do you think Despair should meet with next chapter and how many?
Despair is the Only Answer
Despair sat amongst the mortals who lived on this planet.
The planet Eternium, named so by its discoverer, is an ocean planet in a thinly populated solar system with only 4 other planets. Eternium is about 17 times bigger than Equis and its gravity is about 4 times that of Earth's gravity. Despair could easily feel the difference between the planets, but it wasn't enough to put any real pressure on him. The days on this planet didn't last very long. A single day lasted around 13.35 hours in a year of 476 days. The last time to Despair had checked up on this planet it was made up of 13 small continents, which made up 32 %of the planet's land mass. The original continents had already sunk into the oceans.
The race that inhabit this planet has adopted the rules of a true intergalactic empires, but surprisingly they didn't think of themselves as rulers. Guardians is a more fitting term. This species have advanced far beyond anything that ponies or humans would be capable of creating in the next few centuries, if not millennia.
They have traveled to all the nearby planets inhabited by life and made sure that it was protected, aided and sometimes even altered so the planet may better serve their native species.
They've even terraformed planets without life, allowing Gaia the Earth Mother to work her magic on the barren planets.
While most of this was done to study other species, evolution and the possibilities of their own technology, this has also led to biological breakthroughs ranging from cures for diseases to altering and enhancing their own DNA.
As one of the oldest species in the Meissar Galaxy, they are revered by the younger and races as gods and are one of the few races that can see recognize a god or goddess regardless of form by peering through the Aether with their advanced technology.
Despair felt a pain in his chest. He didn't belong here, this was a place of hope and progress. His power was weak on this planet, but not absent.
He watched as the kids played back and forth through the courtyard despite receiving stairs from the older adults. He couldn't place a proper age on the kids, but he was sure they were equivalent to that of a young teenager.
Many of the people who passed him by paid their silent respects as they knew who he was.
Prayer was always nice. It gave a god the extra strength that they couldn't create for themselves.
He could feel a small empowerment by it. A almost warm fuzzy feeling washed over him, but it quickly faded away as a distant, yet familiar presence appeared. There was a few moments of silence before one of them decided to speak. “What are you doing?” The newcomer asked.
“Desire.” Despair thought. “I am just thinking.” He murmured letting out a huff.
“You think too much. No wonder you have a swelled head.” Desire joked. “And don’t get me started on that nose.”
“You do know we look the same, right?” Despair mentioned while taking a look at his twin sister. She hadn't changed from the last time she had saw her. Two thousand years and she still had that youthful spirit that she was so infamous for.
Desire made a fake gagging noise. ”Ugh, don't remind me. Why did we have to be born as identical twins? Almost all our features are the same. It's infuriating to wake up in the morning and see your face in the mirror.” She yelled out while waving her hands in the air.
Despair shook his head. “You were born first. If anyone should be complaining it's me. I was born with your face, not the other way around.”
“Shut up. That's besides the point.” She said standing up from the bench that Despair was sitting on. She began to spin around on her tippy toes like that of a dancer, succeeded in making her younger brother chuckle. "So tell me? What are you thinking about? Tell your big sister what's bothering you.” She snickered, finishing her last twirl before stopping in front of Despair.
“What makes you think something's bothering me?” Despair asked, almost sounding amused... Until Desires hand went across his face, startling him. “What did you do that for?” He asked now rubbing his bruised cheek.
Immediately she backed hand smacked him, almost succeeding in drawing blood. “You have to be the most idiotic, infuriatingly, stupid anthropomorphic personification on this or any other plane.” She screamed while laying down a few more hits onto her brother before he decided to defend himself by pushing her away.
“What is your problem?” He yelled getting ready for a fight if the situation called for it.
“What is my problem? What's yours? Where have you been for the past two thousand years? Why did you leave without telling me? Why didn't you tell me that you were back?” She screamed at the top of her lungs grabbing the attention of the nearby bystanders.
“I didn't think-”
Desire immediately threw another punch but he anticipated this and ducked out of the way. “You didn't think that I would care? You didn't think that I would miss you? For gods sake we’re siblings. Why wouldn't I care?” She yelled sitting back down. She began to shake her head as an attempt to calm herself down but Despair could see that she was failing. He could see that despite her anger problems she was capable of restraining herself if needed to be.
Despair was shocked. He never thought she truly regarded him as a brother, even though he had always thought of her as his sister. She often showed no indication that she cared for him in that manner. As a matter of fact he didn't even think anyone besides for Celestia would miss him. He always thought of himself as a loner, an outcast among the others. He was glad to know that there were others who cared for him.
“I'm sorry, Desire. I know you're angry with me, and I know you want answers-”
“You’re damn right I want answers!” She yelled.
“But I don't have them. I've lost 2000 years of my life. I have no more information than you on my whereabouts for the last 2 millennia.” He said placing a hand on her shoulder. He could tell that she was trying to resist the urge to punch him, because she clenched her fists once again.
She looked at him again to study his face. He was telling the truth, she can see it in his eyes. They both had the tendency to have shift their eyes when exchanging looks with the person they were trying to lie too. Though it's an obvious sign that they're lying, most people tend to overlook it.
Believing her brother, Desire sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep, comforting hug. “It may not seem like it, but you were missed more than you know.” Desire whispered as she hugged him tighter.
Letting go, Desire began to wonder. “What do you mean you don't know where you've been? Do you have amnesia?”
Despair shook his head. “I don't think so. It's not that simple. There is a big hole in the middle of my memories, I remember exactly what I was was doing before everything went blank.” Despair recalled that day with it clarity. He had left Celestia’s castle after a small argument about her relationship with Discord and soon afterwards there was a flash and Despair found himself two millennia into the future without any knowledge of what happened to him. Gods don’t simply get amnesia.
“Then I believe there are only two people we can go to for answers. We can either go to Truth or Time. Personally I'd rather go to Time. He could see if you've time traveled in anyway.” Despair nodded his head and in a split second they were gone.
Despair is the Only Answer
Time was one of the oldest and the wisest of all the gods. If you had a problem he was often the one everyone visited for a solution. Despair couldn’t say that the two of them were actually close. He treated Time with the respect he deserved and Time did the same, there was not much else to say.
Time was often detached from the affairs of the universe. All he cared for was protecting the whole of time itself from anything wishing to harm it or him. He mainly fixed the harmful paradoxes that unsuspecting time travelers had caused with their meddling. Desire explained to her brother that Time most likely had information on Desires whereabouts and if he didn’t than maybe he held a clue. You weren’t so sure.
Time closed his book.
He turned towards his younger siblings and smiled. Even though he had shared a smile which was probably genuine, Time rarely if ever expresses emotions. When he formed facial features it felt as though he was mimicking a smile in order give the other party a sense of falsehood that Time actually cared which may or may not be the truth. Desire felt it was the latter.
As a god Time has no true form but his most common appear was that of a tall figure, obscured within a white(originally brown) robe and cowl. He reads from a large book chained to his right wrist, which contains all past, present, and future events. He does not leave footprints, nor does he cast a shadow. “If it isn’t the twins. What do I owe this visit for?” Time asked in normal stoic voice. The fact that is always calm, detached and sombre even in the most extreme of situations angered Desire. He lacked empathy.
Desire was without a shout of a doubt one of the most empathic gods, despite her tendency to manipulate and deceive. She didn’t take too kindly towards those who failed to give her the same emotional respect she gave them.
“Quit playing around, you know why we’re here.” Desire snapped. She was not in the mood for Time’s games. “Get to the point.”
Despair sighed at his sisters aggression, but ultimately agreed with her. “She has a point, brother. Please get to the point.”
Time frowned. Though he was generally an emotionless person, he enjoyed questions. It simulated the feeling of normalcy if not just a little bit. “You’ve come here seeking an answer to you lapse of memory. Two thousand years of have rolled by and you half no idea how this has happened,” Time took a minute and touched his book firmly. “I am unfortunate to reveal that you will leave here none the wiser because I am also stumped by this.”
This revelation shocked the two twins. Desire herself could scarcely believe it. “What do you mean you don’t know what happened? You’re are Time!” She yelled.
Time held his hand up as if to tell her to be quiet. “I am powerful without a doubt, but I believe there are powers at work that is blocking my foresight.” He stopped for a second and began to rub his chin. “but I wouldn’t have to tell you that now would I, Despair?”
Despair crossed his arms, showing genuine confusion by what his older brother had said.
“So you’re telling us that you have no clue about what happened to Despair?” Desire asked.
Time nodded his head. Unfortunately I don't. He found once more. Something was bothering him and a spare could see it. Period. In fact he could feel it. The vibe that he was getting from his older brother wasn't just worry, it was pure sadness. This fighting despair. What could happen that so bad that you can time with my nephew about? What could he see?
“You might want to visit Truth. I believe she or they might hold the answers you seek or at least they might be able to help add to the puzzle.” Time said almost sounding amused.
“Do you believe she'll be able to help us?” Desire asked not exactly favoring the idea of talking to the goddess of truth and lies.
“In other words you're asking me if I believe the trip would be worth it. The twins nodded their head. “Remember this, whenever you believe that you've reached a dead end and the situation seems hopeless. Change of perspective of how you look at things and you'll find that your entire reality will change.”
Desire felt as though that knowledge was useless. Her younger twin brother however did not.
“You won't be coming with me?” Despair asked, sounding a little downtrodden by the fact that his sister wouldn't continue traveling with him.
“Sorry, duty calls. I have a few more souls I have to tempt and when I'm done I will immediately come find you, but until then try not to disappear on me again. You may not see it yourself as I've said before, a lot of people missed you. You should check up on a few of them and show them that you're still alive and kicking.” Desire gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and waved goodbye as she faded away, leaving despair alone. He didn't believe her when she said that the other gods missed him. Perhaps some, but she was making it seem the entire pantheon missed him.
Not letting the thought get to him, despair turned around and was about to leave also, but as he started to disappear he felt what he thought was as a hand grabbing him and pulling him straight out of his teleportation and into an unknown domain.
Landing on what was a cold hard for, despair and looked up to see an extremely buff man and a smaller man with golden hair looking over him. “Haha! I told you I'd get him.” The buff one when said in fact reminding Despair of a god he once knew. The red, flaming armor and the gargantuan sword that laid sheathed on his back allowed Despair to form a quick opinion on who this stranger might have been.
“War?” Despair asked, his voice filled with uncertainty.
The man smile faded away for a moment. “The one and only.” The man said proving his status as the god of war by showing Despair his amulet. There was a red jewel that laid in the center of it, as it was wrapped around in gold.
“Taking the amulet away from him, Despair felt the immense power admitting from the core of the jewel. This man was indeed his old friend and companion War.
“It's impossible, I saw you die with my own eyes.” Despair said handing him back his amulet.
2500 years ago, war had been captured to be use of magic. The mortal who summoned him, summon him in hopes of finding all wars in the universe. Rendering were powerless through the use of his forbidden spell, the mortal plunged Wars believe deep into his heart, killing him and releasing the universe from the ravages of war.
Despair, who was with war on the day of his death, but was unable to save him, cursed the mortal by showing him his true form, invoking true fear and despair onto the mortal who killed his dearest friend. The Mortal later killed himself as a way to rid himself of a curse.
“After that blasted mortal killed me with my sword, all war in the universe had stopped causing a new age of harmony to form. All violence, chaos and death that would ever be caused by war had ceased to exist. Not only did it cause peace to form within all living things, it left a void in time and space as neither Time nor Fate predicted my demise.”
“We all felt the effects of your death. Even I see who can travel between dimensions as if they were just a step away was shocked at your sudden death by the hands of a lowly mortal.” The other god stated while shaking his head.
Despair looked towards this man and recognized him as Vanish, the god of Messengers and Thieves. Though it had felt as though Despair felt as though he had only been gone for a few days at the very least, he couldn’t deny that he was glad to see his old friends.
Despite being a happy occasion, War’s smile still faded. “Though my memories of you and everyone else are all true. I regret to tell you that I am not the War you once knew. I am his replacement. ”
Despair understood. He had a feeling that this wasn’t the War he had originally met. He had a front row seat of War’s death and he knew there was no coming back from such a wound. This man had Wars name, face, status and power, but he was not the same War Despair had known all those years ago.
Despair could not hide that he felt disappointed by this revelation. There was always going to be a time where one of them was going to have to change. It a emotionally and physically painful experience, but if was a process that need to happen.
Out with the old in with the new. Despair have always gotten along with War and his incarnations. Their jobs were intertwined with each other. Wherever war went to spare always follow no matter how small or how big the impact.
Despair may sure to not hold his friends def against the new war. It's a position that needs to be filled. Despair outstretched his hand and offered a handshake which War had immediately accepted. “Glad to meet you War. I’m looking forward to working along side you from now on.”
War grinned. “Likewise.”
Vanish who was feeling like the odd man out of the group rolled his eyes and decided to push matters back to the important topic. They both wanted to know where Despair had been for the past two millennia. He explained the situation to them, making sure not skip over any vital details.
Neither of them had any knowledge on where Despair had been, which was expected. They informed him that after the death of War he just up and vanished without a trace and nobody had seen him since. “What about my office? Who has been keeping up with my affairs while I was gone?” He asked.
War face became serious. “This is where the weird part comes in. There was never a break in routine. Though you had disappeared everything that control continued to function as if you had never left.”
“For most of that time no one had seen or heard from you. Personally I thought you had just taken a break, but it became an apparent problem when Celestia came to looking for you. She told us you had gotten into a fight about Discord and you had left her,” Vanish looked over you for a second before continuing. “but apparently this was not the case. You had strangely disappeared, by you were still doing your daily jobs. We just figured you felt like being alone. Eventually time passed and we forgot.”
War passed a disapproving glance at Vanish, but he didn’t seem to care. “Perhaps Truth can tell you something.” War suggested.
Despair shook his head. “I doubt it.” If Time couldn’t tell him what was going on he knew Truth didn’t know. All Despair could expect from Truth was some idiotic riddle that would end up being a waste of his time.
“I wouldn’t hurt to try.” Vanish stated as he opened up a portal. Despair nodded and entered, hoping Truth could give him something to work with.
