The Alicorn's First Rule

by Tailgate

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 1521

Celestia tells Twilight the first rule of Alicornhood.

Twilight leaves Ponyville to surprise Celestia. What she finds when she arrives is something she would've never expected.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-19 21:30:03 UTC

The Chapter in Which She Dies

Twilight waved a final goodbye to Spike and walked out the door into the cool night.

“Bye Spike! Try not to burn the house down again!”

An annoyed voice shouted back at her, “For the last time, that was you!”

Twilight rolled her eyes as she strolled onto the dirt road and towards the train station.

Silly dragon; I wonder where he got the idea that I burnt the house down.

Twilight followed the road through the town and to the train station just outside Ponyville. She dragged her legs across the ground, tired from the day’s activities. She was heading to the station to board the late-night train to Canterlot to visit Celestia.

Ordinarily she would have Celestia send a carriage, but by doing so, Celestia would know of her arrival. Twilight wanted her arrival to be a surprise.

Twilight arrived at the station which had a single light illuminating the train platform. Twilight walked up to one of the many empty benches and sat down. The dull wood was uncomfortable to sit on compared to her usual seats, but she knew the end result of her plan would be worth it.

She waited for what seemed like hours, sitting alone and cold on the public bench. Every small noise from the small objects clacking together within her saddlebags seemed to echo in the dull silence that encased the train platform even though normally they would be muted by the fabric of her bags and the background noise of everyday life.

The only thing that kept her from passing out in exhaustion was the constant chilling wind blowing against her fur and the hard, unforgiving wooden bench she sat on. She sighed at the unfavorable conditions she waited in.

Is this how most ponies get from place to place? This is horrible! I should ask Celestia to see if we can fix this. Nopony should have to sit in this cold with what can hardly be called a light letting off a dim glow six hooves away!

Twilight crossed her front hooves and huffed in frustration. her ears perked up as she picked up the sound of the midnight train approaching.

“Finally!”

        Twilight picked herself up and hopped off the bench. She trotted over to the side of the platform and watched the train as it slowed down. She gasped as she realized the train was not decelerating enough to come to a lull.

        At first she felt unsure of what to do. She tapped her hooves in anticipation as the rapidly approaching train failed to slow down. Her increasingly worried face gave way to determination as she calculated the distance from the platform to the train.

Fifteen seconds left, I can do this!

        Twilight leaped down to the tracks and held her horn level to the ground. She let her magical energies flow through her body into a focus point at the tip of her horn.

        Her eyes darted up to spot the train once more.

Five seconds!

        She braced for a possible impact and formed a complex pattern in her thoughts, spinning and weaving her magick energies with willpower alone.

        Her eyes squeezed shut as she yelled, “Stoooooop!”

        A magical burst of energy shot out the foci of her horn towards the train. She let a single eye crack open to watch as the energy smacked into the pilot and dissipated.

What th-

        Twilight let out a final sigh.

I accept my fate, take me Celestia.

        She opened both eyes fully to let herself watch the final moments of her own life. The speeding train roared as it reached the platform.

        Twilight’s eyes snapped shut once more as she flinched at the sudden rush of wind rushing past her.

        She waited.

        And waited.

        And waited.

Am I dead yet?

        She tried opening her eyes and felt no resistance as she would’ve expected. The pure black that had encompassed her vision gave way to a bright, disorienting light in front of her.

Celestias here to take me away… I guess it’s my time.

        She lifted a hoof to take a step forward, but stopped when a stallion’s head emerged through the blinding light. His floating head stood two ponies off the ground. Twilight gaped as she squinted to try and get a better look at him.

Who… is he?

        “Hey there little missie, what are you doing in the middle of the train tracks?”

What? Wha-

        Twilight looked behind her, the bright light left a giant spot burnt into her vision, but she was still able to see that she was indeed still on the tracks and not smooshed into a pancake.

But- how?!

        “Well, come on. I can’t start the train again until you get on.”

        Twilight felt pure embarrassment as she climbed into the train. She scanned the almost-full train and with hesitation, she took a seat next to a passed out pegasus. She sat on the edge of the seat, trying to stay as far away from the stallion as possible. The elderly stallion in question was laying on his back with his legs sprawled in the air. A thin line of drool trailed down the side of his muzzle.

        Twilight’s eyes slowly closed as sat back against the seat. She started to nod off, but she could not resist the siren call of sleep and she fell over sideways, landing on top of the stallion.

        “The train has stopped! Everyone off!”

Twilight woke up to the conductor yelling. She tried to move, but found herself being spooned by the stallion she sat next to the night before.

His hooves were wrapped around her chest and were locked together.

Twilight shivered as she realized that he had shoved his head into her mane and had drooled all over the back of her neck.

She slowly pulled herself out from his grip, but just as she was about to sneak away, he woke up.

He stretched his hooves outward and with relaxed eyes looked to see why the warmth had left him. A grin grew on his face as he realized what that warmth was.

“Hey there, beautiful. Found yourself comfy against ol’ Chedder?”

Twilight’s eye twitched as she resisted her body's instinct to turn around and respond to the stallion. She accelerated to a sprint and ran out the train door.

Twilight approached the door to Celestia’s room. Earlier she had used the castle’s showers to clean herself off after falling asleep with the old stallion. She decided to just pretend it never happened. The train had arrived just before dawn, so she had time to get cleaned up before Celestia woke up.

Twilight sighed contently. She had finally arrived.

She used her magick and silenced the door as she cracked it open. Peering inside, she spotted Celestia sitting in front of a mirror doing something with her hair.

Twilight snuck inside and approached her from behind.

Three….

Two…

One!

        Twilight leaped at Celestia whilst yelling, “Surprise!”

        Though, what Twilight did not do was expect to see Celestia in the state she was.

        Celestia spun around only to have Twilight crash into her. She struggled and rolled away from Twilight.

        “Wh- Twilight? Oh! Twi-”

        Twilight gasped at the sight.

        “Celestia! Where’s your horn!”

        Celestia looked at the ground below her. Sitting in front of her was a white horn made of paper mache. At the bottom of the horn was the open clips that usually held it in place.

        She sighed and walked behind Twilight to close the door.

        “Twilight… there is something I need to tell you.”

        Twilight stared at Celestia as she explained what she’s been doing. According to Celestia, she and Luna had been cursed by Discord to be immortal, however, they were not born with their horns. Rather, they were Pegasi. The two of them devised a way to gain power after centuries of boredom and annoyance at Discord always pranking them.

        They each carved a rock into a horn-like shape and colored it. They then let out rumours of princesses arriving to Equestria, both of which with both horns and wings.

        They attached the rocks to their head via metal helmets which they claimed was for ‘protection from threats’ and approached the noble ponies. After the rumor had circulated for weeks, the nobles were more than happy to accept them as royalty. The two of them then pretended to raise the moon and the sun, which was previously thought to have been done naturally. The two of them ended up just telling an excuse that they were doing it in private the entire time.

        The ponies bought it like children at a candy store and since then, the two sisters have ruled. Besides the thousand year break luna took to the south beachs of the Gryphon lands, of course.

        “So, what did you say the first rule was?” Twilight asked as she used her magic to adjust the cardboard wings clipped just behind her shoulders.

        Celestia smiled at her student and stated, “The Alicorn’s first rule is that ponies are stupid.”