Hush Now

Occam's Razor

“Hush Now”

Chapter Four: Occam’s Razor

“Daaaaashiiieee!” she drew out her name, a long note in perfect pitch caressing her ears, a sensual melody just for two. Her soft, pink mane fell onto Rainbow Dash’s face as she pressed her lips against hers, planting her hoofs on either side of her face, pinning the cyan pegasus down.

Dash arched her back to meet the cotton-candy colored mare’s embrace, but she was pushed back into the fluffy clouds below her back. She wondered momentarily how her lover could be on a cloud with her, since she was an earth pony, but quickly dismissed the thought when the other mare’s tongue began to trace the outline of her jaw, trailing down her neck and towards her aching sex.

The pegasus mare bit back a moan when the playful earth pony began probing her sugar walls with a deft tongue. The pink mare traced the outline of her nether lips with the very tip of her tongue, lapping up traces of her lust before pressing forcibly into the folds. Rainbow Dash squealed. She wiggled her ass in delight, trying to gain even a little more access to the other mare’s talented tongue.

The rose-maned earth pony gripped her hips with her hooves, keeping her in place, and nipped at her button, suckling it gently. Rainbow clenched her eyes shut as she neared the pinnacle. She threw her head back, letting out a guttural moan and grinding her fore-hooves into the clouds below her. As the last shuddering moments of her orgasm ceased, Dash felt the ghost of a smile on her lover’s lips.

Pinkamena rested her head on Rainbow Dash’s pelvis and the cyan mare looked down to find her lover gazing up at her with dewy baby-blue eyes.“Did you enjoy that, Dashie?” she asked, smiling playfully. The pegasus flushed and nodded.

“V—very much.” she laughed, wiping the sweat from her forehead. Dash grinned at Pinkamena. The pink mare beamed at her, her round cheeks glowing.

“Why are you lying, Dashie?” she asked. The rose-hued earth pony’s voice was so saccharine sweet it sounded as if one would need a shot of insulin after hearing it. Rainbow Dash felt a familiar cold shiver run through her body and she propped herself up on her fore-legs, peering down at Pinkamena nervously.

“I—I’m not. That was awesome.” she reassured her, stuttering without meaning to. The cloud felt suddenly cold beneath her, black and filled with rain and rumbling thunder. Pinkamena frowned, her eyes turning icy and cold.

“I hate liars.” Pinkamena growled, frostily. The sky behind the cotton-candy mare began to turn dark and ominous, the clouds angry and swirling with electricity. She crawled up Rainbow Dash’s shivering body, pinning her to the nimbus and whispering into her ear, “They’re marked.” she murmured, “The end result certainly isn’t sweet.” she ran her tongue down the cyan pegasus’ neck.

Pinkamena Pie looked directly into Dash’s eyes. Her bright blue eyes had turned blood-red, glinting like rubies in pitch-black sockets.“Visit soon, Dashie!” she sang, only it wasn’t her voice. It was an unearthly screech, nails against a chalkboard that made the sky behind her crack with lightning. The mare leaned over the shaking pegasus, opening her mouth to reveal a gaping hole filled with rows and rows of razor sharp teeth…

Rainbow Dash awoke with a start.

Sitting bolt-upright in her bed, the rainbow-maned pegasus discovered that she was covered head-to-hoof in a cold sweat. The cyan mare looked around frantically, her heart beating in her ears. She was in her apartment. She was alone. She exhaled slowly, relieved, and wrapped her forelegs around her quaking body, squeezing tightly.

She pushed herself up and got out of bed. The pegasus trotted shakily towards the adjacent bathroom. Dash flipped the switch on the wall and light flooded the small room, bouncing off the peach tiles. She walked past the mirror without looking and reached her hoof underneath the dark-brown shower curtain, turning the nozzle and adjusting the gauge until the nozzle reached the appropriate temperature.

When steam began filling the small bathroom, the cyan mare pulled up the shower curtain, ducking beneath it, and was greeted with a cascade of steaming hot water striking her aching back and wings. She turned around, allowing the stream to hit her directly in the face and letting out a long, tortured sigh.

What the buck was that dream?

Pinkamena Pie’s sultry smile filled the space behind her eyelids and Rainbow Dash felt an unwanted tingle in the area below her tail. She growled, reaching for the shampoo and pumping a generous amount into her hoof. She lathered up her mane, trying desperately to scrub the image from her brain.

Dash finished her shower and toweled off. She brushed her teeth and dried her mane, pulling it into a low ponytail to keep it out of her way. Tossing her towel in the sink, she trotted out into her bedroom to get dressed. After she finished puling her navy EBI sweatshirt over her head , Rainbow Dash tugged her comforter over top her crumpled sheets. She proceeded to declare her bed made and exited the master bedroom, venturing out into the main part of her flat.

Her apartment was small, but spacious. It was located in the heart of Canterlot, on the sixth floor of a large apartment building. She had put down the security deposit with her first paycheck as an EBI Agent. Her building was about thirty minutes away from the Equestrian Bureau of Investigation by chariot, but it only took Rainbow Dash about two minutes to fly to work.

Dash walked into the kitchenette and the sweet scent of coffee filled her nose. Thank Celestia for automatic coffee makers! Rainbow thought to herself as she retrieved a travel-mug from the cabinet. She placed it on the counter and gripped the handle of the pot in her mouth. Dash poured herself a cup of steaming liquid sustenance and replaced the pot on the burner. Clutching the mug in her hooves, the mare seated herself at the teeny kitchen table.

After her Rainbow Dash had left the penitentiary the previous day, she had returned to the EBI Headquarters to find everypony waiting for her with bated breath. Not a single one of them had been able to eat, sleep, or work properly in her absence; too on edge to even use the bathroom. Agent Dash delivered the message the Cupcake Killer had given her, conveniently leaving out the details about the flirtatious comments she had received and the near-psychotic mood swings she witnessed while in the presence of Pinkamena Pie.

The entire team was stumped.

They sat in the conference room for four hours, tossing ideas around with no results until they couldn’t stand the sight of one another. Finally, Special Agent Twilight Sparkle slammed her hooves down on the table in exasperation and shouted at them all to go home.

The violet unicorn said that the team was burned out and if they were going to be of any use for the remainder of this case, they needed rest. She advised them to return to their respective places of residence and get some sleep in real beds and partake in actual food, rather than doughnuts and take-out. Twilight reminded them, particularly Applejack, that the Horn Hawker rarely disposed of his victims in two days and Rarity would be fine for one night.

Rainbow Dash sipped at her coffee and stared at the bowl of apples on the table without taking one. She glanced at the clock and noticing the time, pushed herself up from the table travel mug in hoof, the cyan pegasus trotted over to the counter and checked the coffee machine to make sure that it was turned off. She exited the kitchen, grabbing her saddlebag from the spot on the floor where she had discarded it the night before and headed out the door.

When Pinkamena Diane Pie was first arrested three years prior, she was shipped directly to the Belmont Psychiatric Facility for intense observation. The Cupcake Killer was then housed in the most secure room in the building, completely isolated, and monitored twenty-four hours a day by the medical staff.

Over the course of the next few months, Pinkamena was interviewed by several of the best minds in Equestria. A team of forensic psychologists spearheaded the interrogations, headed by a genius professor with years of experience studying serial killers, Doctor Shallow Graves. The team also included two young Bureau agents by the names of Lyra and Cheerilee.

The interviews bared no fruit. While Pinkamena Pie had no qualms discussing her many crimes in horrific detail, nopony could find the cause behind them. The pink mare pleasantly described each and every victim and the torture she had put them through with sickening detail, shaking even hardened investigators to the core. Yet, not a single one of them could even get her to hint as to why she had committed such atrocities. Whenever she was asked, she would simply smile and reply, “Their number came up.” and leave it at that.

The killer found enjoyment in wreaking havoc around the facility whenever she could. When she took a particular liking to one of the nurses, a unicorn named Cotton Swab. She spent much of her time torturing the mare whenever she was on duty. Pinkamena would make her intricate valentines and whisper inappropriate things into her ear whenever she was being restrained until the young unicorn could no longer take it and quit. The cotton-candy earth pony also enjoyed toying with her fellow patients as well as the orderlies, telling them terrible jokes and breaking out in impromptu, morbid songs.

It was on the day of Doctor Shallow Graves sixty-third birthday that Pinkamena Pie escaped from her cell.

The hospital was put into lockdown immediately, but the frivolous murderer was nowhere to be found. Later, when Doctor Graves entered his office, he was assaulted with a spray of brightly colored confetti and screams of surprise. The elderly donkey had heart problems most of his life and the shock rendered by the festivities planned by the pink earth pony were far too much for his weak heart to handle. He collapsed on the spot.

When the staff finally found Pinkamena Pie, she was still in the office of the deceased psychologist. The entire room was elaborately decorated for a celebration. Being unable to access her usual party supplies, the earth pony had improvised. She had spent hours coloring long strips of paper with crayons to make streamers and confetti. The mare had created a “cake” from a huge pile of chocolate chip cookies piled into a pyramid, created from deserts she had saved from her meals over the last few weeks. The rose-hued pony had not let the death of the guest of honor deter her, propping up the body of the dead donkey and proceeding to party with him anyway. When the staff members arrived, Pinkamena brightly encouraged them to join in the fun and asked if they would take her picture with the birthday boy.

The sight itself was so terrifying that many members of the staff ended up being forced into treatment themselves, others filed for transfer by the end of the work day. Pinkamena Diane Pie was deemed incurable and sent directly to the Appaloosa National Prison the next morning.

Agent Rainbow Dash entered the cluster of desks crammed in the center of the crowded offices, tossing her saddlebag onto her desk and flopping back into her chair. She glanced around the bull-pen, noticing that she was the only member of the team currently present. The cyan pegasus took a long, contemplative sip of her coffee and looked around the cluster of desks. The office was already bustling with activity. Agents rushed back and forth into the surrounding offices, screaming into phone receivers, and scribbling out hurried lines on mountains of paperwork.

Despite the fact that she was working on a case of homicide, Agent Rainbow Dash was technically still a member of the Foreign Affairs Division of the EBI and the department shared their offices with the branch of the Bureau that handled white collar crime. Caramel had previously worked as a detective in the White Collar Division prior to his appointment on the Hawker investigation.

“Hey Dash,” a light twang she was growing accustomed to snapped to attention. She looked up to find Applejack perched on the edge of her desk, a piece of apple strudel balanced precariously on her knee. “Wanna bite?” she offered the pastry to the cyan mare, who shook her head. “Suit yerself.” the flaxen-maned pony smiled, taking a large bite of strudel and chewing slowly. The other mare observed Rainbow Dash quietly for a few moments before swallowing the mouthful of food and commenting, “What’s up? Ya’all look like hell.”

Agent Dash flashed the orange earth pony a sarcastic grin, “Thanks for the sentiment, but we can’t all be as beautiful as your fillyfriend.” she quipped, flipping her multi-colored mane in an imitation of what she imagined was a feminine manner. Applejack laughed, taking another bite of her pastry and shaking her head.

“Yeah, she’s a bit like that.” the straw-maned mare admitted, smiling to herself. “But Ah think that’s the same reason Ah love ‘er.” Applejack noted. She gazed down at the strudel in her hooves, lost in her own thoughts. Her eyes began to moisten and the orange pony shook her head roughly, rubbing her eyes quickly and refocusing her attention on the spectrum-maned pegasus. “Seriously, what’s eatin’ ya, sugarcube?” Applejack asked, “You look way too tired for somepony who supposedly got eight ours a sleep last night.” she gestured to the dark circles underneath the cyan mare’s mauve eyes.

Dash contemplated whether or not she should tell her the truth about the dreams. Obviously, Applejack was a fillyfooler so she doubted that the knowledge that Rainbow also preferred the company of mares would be much of a shock. What really worried her was attempting to explain that the mare consuming her fantasies was a sociopath and cannibalistic killer. The pegasus bit her lip. “Well—”

“Hello, Chief Applejack. Dash.”

Mercifully, Rainbow Dash’s thoughts were cut short by the genial voice of another agent. She silently thanked Celestia for the interruption as Applejack hopped off her desk and turned to greet the new arrival. Caramel trotted over towards the two mares, looking decidedly more rested than the last time Dash had seen him. The friendly stallion nodded to the others and faced the cyan mare, “How are you holding up after meeting with the Cupcake Killer?” he asked, “Special Agent Twilight was really worried about you.” he confessed, a concerned expression crossing his amiable features.

The spectrum-maned pegasus gave him a tired smile and waved her hoof dismissively, eschewing the questions. “I’m fine. Stop, both of you. I’m way too awesome to be one-upped by Pinkamena Pie. Seriously!” Agent Dash reassured her fellow agents, flexing her forelegs to show off the impressively toned muscles. The other two exchanged looks of slight amusement. “Twilight is just over-thinking. Typical egghead.” the cyan mare stated, matter-of-factly.

“Well, that’s good.” Caramel smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes which still held concern. “Hey, have either of you managed to come up with any answers to the riddle that the Cupcake Killer gave us? I don’t have any.” the golden stallion sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Those ponies were marked from the beginning.” Pinkamena’s voice cooed into Rainbow Dash’s ear. Her hoof traveled down the front of the mare’s chest, inching dangerously closer to the cyan pegasus’ most intimate of places. She squirmed underneath her touch. “The end result isn’t very sweet.” As images of the cotton-candy shaded earth pony filled Rainbow Dash’s mind, she became consumed in her own daydreams; trapped inside her thoughts until Applejack’s irritated voice drew her back to reality.

“That bucking bitch!” Applejack seethed, stamping her hoof on the floor in frustration. “Why did she tell us she had a lead an’ make Dash go all the way down there if she was just gonna give us some crazy riddle?!” the orange mare fumed, speaking to nopony in particular. “She’s just bucking with us while Rarity’s life is at stake! Ah oughtta skin her hide!”

“Those ponies were marked from the beginning.”

Like the first strike of a match against the side of the box, a spark ignited in Rainbow Dash’s brain. One thought quickly connected to the next, like a mental wildfire spreading through her psyche until the entirety of her brain was consumed in a blaze of comprehension. “What did you just say?” she asked, furrowing her brow and fixing her gaze on the flaxen-maned pony.

Applejack gave her a weird look, pursing her lips. “Ah said Ah ougghta skin her hide.” the earth pony repeated, more calmly. The cyan pegasus allowed the words to sink in a second time. She sat in silence for a few moments, focusing on the statement. Suddenly, it hit her like a ton of bricks.

“The end result isn’t very sweet.”

“Oh. My. Celestia!” Rainbow Dash yelped, shooting out of her seat and nearly knocking her coffee to the ground. Caramel and Applejack gawked at her. “Call everypony and tell them to get their asses down here and meet up in the conference room!” the cyan pegasus demanded, “I need to check on something, but I think I figured it out!” Dash shouted, fluttering her wings excitedly. She kicked off the ground and flew out the bull-pen at top speed. Startling everypony as she zoomed past, nothing but a cyan blur knocking items off the surrounding desks and sending papers flying to form a cyclone that swirled angrily in her wake.

Rarity mewled weakly when the light reached her sore eyes. She tried to shield them from the intense glow, to no avail. Slowly, her tired cornea began to adjust to the brightness and she finally managed to get a good look at her surroundings.

The ivory unicorn was trapped in a deep, circular pit dug at least twelve feet into the ground. The walls were paneled with alternating gray brick, like a well. The floor was made of concrete and icy cold beneath her quaking hooves. A pile of moldy hay sat sadly in the corner next to the bucket she had kicked aside earlier. Her big, sapphire eyes welled up with new tears, leaking down her face.

“Wake up, love! It’s time for the show!” the loud, charismatic voice drew her gaze upward to the mouth of the pit. Suddenly, there was a gigantic burst of color and glitter, pinwheels swirling through the air, firecrackers exploding into life. Rarity backed into the farthest corner, away from the display. Her horn was beginning to ache painfully, she tried to ignore it.

“W—who are you?” she managed to stutter. Her terror made the alabaster mare feel sick to her stomach, but she swallowed it down. Applejack would be brave. Rarity had to be brave for her. The dainty unicorn planted her hooves on the ground, steadying herself. She waited patiently to see the face of her captor.

A bellowing laugh filled the room, followed closely by another garish display of sparkles and lightning. A plume of purple and blue smoke suddenly erupted from the edge of the well and began to drift over the ground, some floating down into the pit. A shadowy figure emerged from the fog and Rarity recognized the pony immediately as the one from the parking lot of the club. With one fell swoop, the mysterious pony cleared the smoke and revealed herself.

“Me? I’m the Great and Powerful TRIXIE!” the mare bellowed, loud and boastful. She was a pompous looking mare with an average face and delicate periwinkle coat. Her mane was wavy and silver, falling casually over one deep violet eye. The unicorn had dressed herself in an elaborate velvet cape, pale purple and covered in a pattern of stars. A matching wizard’s cap was perched jauntily upon her head. However, despite her looks, she was deformed. Her horn was curved under like a hook, hanging forward menacingly.

Rarity gulped.

Agent Rainbow Dash rushed through security at the Appaloosa National Prison for the second time in two days, ignoring the terrified looks of the security ponies as she demanded to see the Cupcake Killer. When they hesitated, she forcibly marched the frazzled guards towards the entrance of the cell-bock that housed Pinkamena Pie, making the navy unicorn open the locks for her.

The cyan pegasus flew past the bewildered guards and down the dark corridor at top speed. She practically crashed into the massive metal door at the end of the hall. Dash threw her badge at the stallions safeguarding the entrance and waited expectantly. The stoic ponies barely blinked at the erratic mare, igniting their horns and swinging the door open. The mare marched past them with purpose, into the gigantic cage that housed the psychotic pink earth pony.

The moment she saw Rainbow Dash, Pinkamena Pie’s eyes lit up brighter than a one thousand watt bulb. She rushed over to the microphone as fast as she could, nearly tripping over herself in the process. The roseate mare hopped excitedly in place until the other pony reached the speakers and flipped them on. “Dashie!” she cried, “You came to see me again! I missed you!” she squealed, clapping her hooves together in delight.

Rainbow said nothing, forcing her face to stay blank. However, there was a certain piece of her that agreed with the sentiment. For some reason, she found it rather soothing to see the cotton-candy colored pony again and she hadn’t the slightest inkling as to why.

“I think I figured it out, but I want you to tell me if I’m right.” the pegasus said matter-of-factly, seating herself in the straight-backed chair and placing her hooves on the metal table. Pinkamena grinned stupidly, cocking her head to the side, some of her mane falling onto her face. Suddenly, a piece of her dream flashed across her eyes and Rainbow Dash felt her cheeks flush.

“What’s your worst memory?” Pinkamena Pie asked, her smile never faltering. The spectrum-maned mare frowned at the bright-pink pony sitting across from her. She was still unfamiliar with the haphazard nature of the frivolous killer. Agent Dash scratched the size of her snout awkwardly and thought about her reply.

“Huh?” the pegasus asked, stupidly. She knew she sounded much dimmer than she was and despite her thinking up a witty response in her head, it always seemed to be lost somewhere between her brain and her mouth. Dash truly hated the way that Pinkamena Pie could simply change the entire flow of a conversation with a few well placed words, using as little effort to throw the EBI Agent off as it took to tuck a stray piece of her rose-colored mane behind her perfect little ears.

“I want to know your worst memory.” Pinkamena repeated coolly, “Then I will tell you if your hunch is right.” the cotton-candy earth pony chortled, looking positively giddy as she arranged herself in her giant armchair, drawing her hind-legs up to her face and sitting her chin on them, awaiting Rainbow Dash’s tale like a filly listening to a bedtime story.

“Okay,” Rainbow whispered. The memory flashed vividly before her eyes as she told her story to Pinkamena, each word painting the setting in more detail inside the walls of her brain, taking her back to that terrible day.

It was a calm day nearly ten years ago and Rainbow Dash was still in her first year of training at flight school in Cloudsdale. The cyan pegasus was the top of her class. Fast and efficient, some even called her a prodigy. Her teachers loved her and her fellow students admired her. Life was good.

The day started out normally, with the students attending boring classes that discussed weather patterns and flight trajectory before they finally got out onto the field to stretch their wings. Dash had never been one for book-work, but her extreme efficiency in her practical classes made up for anything lacking in her academics.

The spectrum-maned filly zoomed and twirled through the obstacles with ease, earning the appreciative comments of a few classmates. Rainbow completed her warm-ups and settled on one of the surrounding clouds, trotting over to one of the tables to get a drink of water. “You’re so awesome, Dash!” a lilac pegasus shrieked, fluttering up beside her and doing a mid-air summersault in enthusiasm.

The other filly was smaller and more feminine than Rainbow Dash, with a silky blonde mane and cloud-shaped cutie mark on her slender flank. “Thanks, Cloud Kicker.” the cyan pegasus nodded, tossing back the contents of the paper cup in one gulp and crushing it beneath her hoof. “You’re sweet.” Dash winked at her classmate, who swooned before taking off again.

“STUDENTS! COME OVER HERE!” the booming voice of their teacher carried over the clouds and drew the attention of the students. The young ponies flitted back to the giant, fluffy cumulous at the beginning of the obstacle course and settled in front of their professor. Nimbus Strike was a sturdy pegasus with a coat the color of an angry storm cloud and eyes the same shade as honey. A large lightning-bolt shaped cutie mark adorned his muscular flank. He wore a whistle around his neck so that he could tweet directions at the little pegasi, though his thunderous voice was more than enough. “We have a special guest today!” he bellowed, “Ms. Spitfire, the newest addition to the Wonderbolts, is here to observe today’s lesson!”

There was a collective gasp, followed by squealing and excited chatter. Spitfire had been a student at the Flight Academy only a few years before them. She was in her early teens when she had been drafted by Equestria’s greatest flying team, the Wonderbolts. The mare was a legend amongst the students and Rainbow Dash’s idol.

Abruptly, a flash of orange and red dove out of the clouds like a heat-seeking missile, lying directly towards the students. Spitfire zoomed downward, creating a stream of air in her wake, pulling upward at the very last second before she collided with the ground and fluttering delicately down onto the cloud. The young pegasi gasped in admiration and clapped their hooves.

“Hey everypony!” the bright-orange mare grinned. She was dressed in the signature uniform of the Wonderbolts, a skin-tight navy catsuit that clung to her curves in a near-erotic way. She had pulled the hood off her head to reveal her face and pushed up her aviator goggles so that her glistening bronze eyes were visible, “I’m Spitfire and I’m sure you’ve heard of me.” the sunny pegasus bragged, tossing her fiery mane. “I am here to see how you ponies are doing with your training, maybe see if one of you has what it takes to be a Bolt.”

Rainbow Dash squealed, hopping on her hind-legs and fluttering her wings, barely able to contain her excitement. She wanted show off. Badly. As if echoing her inner-sentiments Cloud Kicker placed her hoof on her shoulder. “You should go, Dash!” the lilac filly cooed, “You’re the best!” she said, pushing her forcefully. Rainbow stumbled forward, falling at Spitfire’s hooves.

Spitfire peered down her snout at the cyan filly and smirked, “What’s your name, kid?” she asked.

Dash pushed herself up, shaking her mane into place and smiling up at her idol with as much pride as she could muster given such an embarrassing introduction. “I’m Rainbow Dash!” she told her, flapping her wings
.
The fiery-maned pegasus sneered, her coppery eyes glinting with a maliciousness that made the young mare feel uneasy. “So you’re the so-called prodigy?” she inquired, her voice a predatory purr. “Let me see what you can do.”

It was no secret that Rainbow Dash loved to fly. She adored how the wind felt beneath her wings. She enjoyed the feel of the breeze surrounding her, engulfing her. She felt in control. Dash also loved to show off. She took pleasure in putting her talents on display whenever possible and being praised for her efforts. Yet, in this moment as Spitfire stared down at her with eyes as cold as night she felt a foreboding dread at the thought of taking to the skies.

She gulped.

The tiny pegasus trotted to the edge of the cloud and bent her knees, kicking off with as much strength as she could muster. The instant that Rainbow Dash was in the air, she felt as if everything she had ever learned in classes suddenly fell out of her brain. Every natural instinct she had been blessed with suddenly vanished in a split-second, rendering her useless. Dash’s wing caught an air current and she crashed into one of the metal hoops.

Attempting to ignore the pain, the cyan pegasus steadied herself and returned to the course. She recovered her speed and began rushing towards the next goal, but the crash had thrown her coordination off and she spiraled into a stray storm cloud.

Trapped in the rage of a cumulonimbus, Rainbow Dash flapped uselessly against the head-wind until she managed to pull herself out of the gale. She was soaked through her coat to the bone, making her heavy and unable to regain her speed. The filly miscalculated the trajectory of the floating slalom at the end of the course and smashed head-long into one of the giant poles. She cascaded downward, colliding into the cloud below at the hooves of her waiting classmates.

The class was painfully silent as Rainbow Dash strained to get back on her hooves, beaten and sopping wet. She turned to face Spitfire, bruised and shamefaced. The sun-colored mare bit her lip in what seemed like an act of humility, until her cheeks turned red and puffed outward. Suddenly, she burst out laughing, slapping her hoof against the ground. “THIS is the prodigy I was told about?” she snorted, “The one they thought could join the Bolts? Pssh! Don’t quit your day job, kid!” the coppery-eyed mare snickered.

As if on cue, the rest of the class joined Spitfire, laughing mercilessly and taunting the little filly until she finally broke down and cried. Cloud Kicker cantered forward and Dash looked at her pleadingly, tear-filled eyes begging for a savior from the torment. However, the lilac filly screwed up her face and blew a raspberry at the cyan pegasus before trotting over to the fiery-maned Wonderbolt and singing her praises.

Rainbow Dash tore out of the school.

When she finished her story she realized that she had been crying. Dash hastily wiped the tears from her eyes and looked up into the face of the Cupcake Killer to find the convicted murderer crying freely, her gigantic baby-blue eyes glistening with tears. Rainbow Dash was taken aback to say the least.

“That is SO sad, Dashie!” Pinkamena wailed, erupting into fresh sobs. The spectrum-maned pegasus gawked at her, entirely uncertain as to how to soothe the sobbing killer. Finally, the pink party pony began to calm down, letting out a few quiet hiccups. She dabbed her face with the long, white sleeve of her straitjacket and blew her nose into the cuff with a loud, honking sound. “You know,” she harrumphed, “It’s really too bad that little miss meany-weenie Spitfire’s number didn’t come up. I would have given her one heck of a party!” Pinkamena snarled.

Agent Dash fought to keep her cheeks from flushing, but she couldn’t help but feeling slightly flattered. She had never told anyone about the “Wonderbolt Incident” from her fillyhood and it felt good to get it off her chest. The cyan pegasus had no clue as to why, but she appreciate that the cotton-candy colored earth pony was on her side. “Can you tell me if I am right, now?” Dash prodded, hoping to steer the ever-distracted murderer back onto the task at hoof.

Pinkamena Pie glanced up at her and smiled deeply, “What do you think it is, Dashie?” she inquired pleasantly, her voice so sugary she could have supplied an entire bakery for a year.

“Their cutie marks, right?” Dash asked, “Their cutie marks have something in common.” the pegasus gnawed the inside of her cheek and prayed to Celestia that she was correct. The roseate mare bit her lip and tried to keep her smile from spreading. She started to jitter in her chair excitedly, almost as if she had consumed too much caffeine in a short amount of time. Suddenly, she hopped up and stood on the seat of her chair, clapping her hooves together in delight.

“She’s right! She’s right! Dashie is right!” Pinkamena squealed, joyfully. Abruptly, she broke into an impromptu can-can and began twirling her long sleeves like sparklers. “Dashie is riiiight. She’s the best of the best, better than the rest! The smartest of the smart! The agent with all the inteeeeliiigeeenncceee!” the excitable earth pony sang, doing a little boogie and shaking her hips. Rainbow Dash watched her in utter shock. When Pinkamena completed her song, she flopped back into her armchair and grinned at the cyan mare.

“Erm… yay?” Dash said, hoping that the inflection at the end of her sentence didn’t show how utterly confused she was by this entire situation. The rose-maned leaned forward in her plushy chair so that her nose was centimeters from the divider, grinning at Rainbow Dash mischievously.

“Totally yay, Dashie!” the maniacal earth pony cooed, sending familiar shivers down the cyan mare’s spine. “I have a lot of confidence in your ability. Go back to the EBI and tell everypony what you’ve learned. I think you’ve got a big break coming in your case!” she confessed, licking her bottom lip seductively. “Come back and visit me soon though, okay?”

Author's Note

Alternate-Universe. Silence of the Lambs Parody. Agent Rainbow Dash of the EBI is investigating a string of grisly murders in Equestria and needs the help of the infamous “Cupcake Killer” Pinkamena Diane Pie. [Rainbow/Pinkie]

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

So, the plot thickens. Pinkamena Pie’s little “clues” begin to make sense and somepony owes a serial killer a little apology. It’s okay, Agent Dash! You’re definitely her favorite, I’m sure she’ll forgive you!

I am not surprised that many ponies figured out who the Horn Hawker was, I arranged it that way. I wanted it to be a secret for about three chapters (like the first third of Silence of the Lambs before you [the reader] realizes it is Jame Gumb long before Clarice Starling and the rest of the FBI. I think that knowing makes it a little more fun because you get some time to figure out the motives behind their crimes. :)

I changed the character up a little from canon so that they had a reason for killing. I mean, their physical appearance. Well, you will see. I hope that nopony minds. ;)

Yeah, I threw a little FlutterMac in the last chapter for fun. I enjoy that pairing. It is one of the few heterosexual pony-pairings I happen to like, so I thought “Eh, why not?” and made a little shout-out. Give Fluttershy some lovin’ too, right?

Again, I apologize if Pinkamena wasn’t exactly up to snuff in the previous chapter. She is hopefully improving as I go on. I always take constructive criticism and work to make this better if you’re willing to give it. Flames however, are ignored while I run around going “MEOW!”

Eh-hem, ANYWHOODLES! The beginning of this chapter, as listed below in bold is sexual. It actually means something to the plot but I understand that pony-sex is not for everypony so you can easily skip over the italic section. I should probably warn everypony that while I have never written (clop) before, I write a hell of a lot of lemon. Heck, I prefer writing smut to writing normal fanfiction. Yay perverts! :D

CHAPTER WARNING: THE BEGINNING OF THIS CHAPTER HAS A GRAPHIC (SEXUAL) SCENE. IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH CLOP-SCENES AND/OR LESBIAN SEX, PLEASE SKIP THE ITALICS.

WARNINGS: This is a grim-dark story. There is a gratuitous amount of violence, gore, and death. There are also lesbian pairings. Please keep your silly negative comments to yourself. I will not hesitate to block/report you.

PAIRINGS: Rainbow/Pinkie, Rarity/Applejack, Fluttershy/Macintosh

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