Hush Now

by Luffy-Kun

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Adventure, Sex, Caramel, Cheerilee, Alternate Universe, Doctor Whooves, Main 6, Lyra, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 32249

Agent Dash of the EBI needs help from serial killer Pinkamena Pie in solving a string of muders.

Alternate-Universe. Silence of the Lambs Parody. Agent Rainbow Dash of the EBI is investigating a string of grisly murders in Equestria and needs the help of the infamous "Cupcake Killer" Pinkamena Diane Pie.

This story is NOT a Cupcakes sequel or even in the same timeline. I only used the moniker of the "Cupcakes" killer to make it more believable with Pinkamena Diane Pie as Hannibal Lecter. I wanted to use cannibalistic crimes so that she fit in the same vein.

The characters in this story have the same personalities (or at least similar ones) to their original counter-parts, but they have completely different relations to one another.

Warnings: This is a grim-dark story. There is a gratuitous amount of violence, gore, and death. There are also lesbian pairings. Please keep your silly negative comments to yourself. I will not hesitate to block/report you.

Pairings: Pinkiamena/Dash, Rarity/Applejack

Image by John Joseco. Edited by Luffy-Kun.

Published 2012-04-16 14:44:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-17 04:58:41 UTC

The Unicorn Killer

“Hush Now”

Chapter One: The Unicorn Killer

Rainbow Dash had been an agent of the Equestrian Bureau of Investigation for over three years now. When she had applied for the position, she had imagined a life of excitement. One filled with high-speed chariot chases and dangerous drug busts. She had dreamt of giant magic battles and gritty hoof-to-hoof combat. Her expectations of an exhilarating life were quickly replaced with one filled with humdrum activity and boring paperwork.

The lightning cutie mark on her flank reflected her need for excitement, which was why she jumped for the chance to be on her first murder case. Nothing said excitement like serial murder and she hoped that the success would get her a permanent spot in the homicide division so that she could finally leave foreign affairs and achieve the life she always dreamed of.

0 -

Rainbow Dash rushed towards the conference room. She was late for her initial briefing and the last thing she needed was to make a bad impression on her first big case. She flew into the room to find herself face-to-face with several other ponies. Special Agent Twilight Sparkle, who was running lead on the investigation, was standing at the head of the room behind a podium. She was poised near a projector. She frowned at the cyan pegasus over her red-rimmed glasses and waited with pursed lips while Dash seat herself in the chair nearest the door. The violet unicorn hated tardiness.

Twilight Sparkle was a senior agent and despite the fact that she was the same age as Rainbow Dash, she had shot up through the ranks surprisingly fast due to her competence and magical ability. She was an incredibly stern mare with a pink and purple streaked mane that she usually kept in a messy bun with a pencil shoved haphazardly through it. Though she was incredibly organized, her need for perfection meant that she was also often overwhelmed.

“Glad you could join us, Agent Dash.” Twilight said curtly, returning her gaze to the projector. She began speaking in a monotonous tone that made Dash want to slam her head against the table repeatedly. She wondered how Twilight got such a bright, star-shaped cutie mark when her special talent was clearly being incredibly boring.

Rainbow Dash took a moment to observe the other ponies on the case. There were six agents, not including herself, sitting at the table listening to Twilight drone on. She recognized most of them as a mish-mash of ponies from various units and wondered momentarily if this task-force was pulled randomly from a hat.

At the head of the table, next to the projector was Lyra Heartstrings, a veteran homicide agent who had been at the EBI twice as long as Dash and Twilight. She looked less than thrilled to be taking orders from a rookie. To her right was the ever-cheerful Cheerilee, a behavioral psychologist who specialized in cases of serial murder. She was known for her unwaveringly positive attitude, even in the face of grave atrocities and was the only pony Dash knew who could talk about evisceration with a smile on her face.

Across from Cheerilee was Doctor Whooves. He was originally a chemist, but had a change of heart after the death of his first wife in a terrorist attack. He returned to school and became an agent. He typically worked with the terrorist prevention unit because of his vast knowledge of chemical agents and bio-weapons, but he had been known to flitter from department-to-department when he was needed. To Doctor’s left was Caramel, a friend of Dash’s from her academy days. He looked as bored as she felt.

On Twilight’s left was her secretary, a purple dragon named Spike. He was incredibly small for a dragon, but from what Dash had heard, quite competent with anything computer-related. He was busying himself taking notes while Twilight spoke, his little claws moving across the computer keys at lightning speed.

Rainbow Dash glanced across from her and Agent Fluttershy, an incredibly shy pony from foreign affairs, waved at her meekly. She waved back. They rarely interacted in their own department since Fluttershy was almost unbearably timid, with an introverted personality that made her difficult to become close with. Though her saccharine personality also made her incredibly loveable and Princess Celestia adored sending her out on foreign assignments because it only took a meek little smile and a few flutters of those lashes before a contract was being signed.

The sound of the projector whirling into life drew Dash’s eyes to the front of the room again. It was only seconds before a grisly image filled the screen. It featured the bloody, beaten body of a pony. The victim’s legs were twisted at odd angles and her hooves scratched and chipped. Her cutie mark was smeared with coagulated blood. There was a stump on her forehead that upon closer inspection, Rainbow realized was the remains of what had once been her horn. She felt her stomach turn.

“You may have heard rumors about unicorn abductions plaguing large cities like Manehatten and Fillydelphia. The only clue at each site is a large star-shaped burn mark in the ground.” Twilight spoke quietly. Her features were devoid of emotion, though Dash could see a pain look in her eye. “As of now, there have been five abductions.” she explained. A wink of white light lit the tip of her horn and zoomed through the following two slides, both showing equally mangled bodies. “The victims are found beaten, with cracks on their hooves and concrete chips in their fur. All of them have had their horns forcibly removed. He has been nick-named Horn Hawker.”

Twilight switched to the next slide, featuring a map of Equestria labeled with photos of the five victims’ faces. “The blue outlined photos show where each victim was abducted from, the red shows where the bodies were dumped.” the violet unicorn told the table, “As you can see, each victim was taken from a well-populated city, then later disposed of in a different equally populated city.” Twilight indicated the red-lined photos.

“Was there any indication the perp tried to hide the bodies?” Lyra asked; peering at the briefing packet Spike had just handed her. Dash opened her own folder and began paging through the information on each victim. She shuddered at the difference between the pictures of the victims before and after the killer had gotten to them, they were unrecognizable.

“No, they were left to the elements.” Twilight informed her.

“So he has no remorse.” Cheerilee said cheerfully, not looking up from her pictures of the corpses. “It seems that he just threw them out with the trash, not bothering to bury them first. The arrangement of the bodies also shows no signs of guilt.” the magenta pony nearly laughed when she spoke. Her attitude in the face of death unnerved Dash. Part of her knew it was probably just a defense mechanism so that she wouldn’t burn out, but the other part was just creeped out.

“He also doesn’t seem to be gender-specific,” Doctor Whooves pointed out. “There have been three female victims and two male victims.” he took a sip of water from the glass in front of him and pursed his lips in thought, “The bodies we have found are also have dissimilar coat patterns and body-types.”

“Do they have anything in common other than being unicorns?” Dash piped in.

“That’s actually a really good question Agent Dash.” Twilight smiled, “The problem is, we can’t find that connection. There is not one factor that links these ponies together. They cross various socio-economic classes, ages, gender, and even marital status.” she frowned, the lines in her forehead deepening.

“It looks like each pony was missing for a different amount of time before the body was discovered as well and the cooling off periods are all over the place. It was a month between the abductions of victims one and two, but a week between three and four!” Caramel pointed out. “What pattern is this guy even following?” he slammed one of his fore-hooves on the table in annoyance.

“Do we know for sure it is a stallion?” Fluttershy inquired, her voice a near whisper. The entire table turned to look at her; some of them had never heard her speak before. The yellow pegasus flushed from the attention, but stood her ground. “Th—there is no sign of seh—sexual assault.” Fluttershy struggled valiantly with the word “sex”, barely able to utter it and turning an impressive shade of crimson in the process. “We do not have any DNA indication the perpetrator is male.”

“Aren’t most serial killers male?” Lyra asked, smugly. She had no idea why in Celestia’s name she was the only agent with any real homicide experience on this task force aside from Cheerilee. There were way too many rookies for a serial case. She blew her sea-green mane from her eyes and refocused her gaze on the younger pony.

“I am awfully sorry to correct you, Agent Heartstrings.” Fluttershy murmured, “But you are incorrect. In fact, I hate to remind you, but the most infamous serial killer of our time was female. Did you forget the Cupcake Killer?” she asked Lyra, fixing her with a stare that chilled her to her bones.

Yes. Lyra remembered the Cupcake Killings. She was on the case three years ago when a string of ponies began disappearing in Ponyville. They had absolutely zero leads and no bodies. It wasn’t until a mare named Colgate escaped from the killer that they had any inkling that it was anything more than a series of abductions.

The blue unicorn mare had arrived at the police station horribly mutilated. Her entire left flank was pulverized, her cutie mark missing. Her right eye was dangling from the socket, barely connected by a flimsy string of sinew. Colgate twisted a tale of cannibalism and torture. She told them about a mentally fractured pony who was kidnapping ponies and subjecting them to unspeakable horrors.

She led the authorities directly to the culprit, a young baking apprentice known around town for being friends with everypony. Her name was Pinkamena Diane Pie. She confessed to the killings without provocation. She led police to the basement below Sugarcube Corner, revealing an elaborate torture chamber outfitted like a macabre party palace. The pink earth pony had smiled when she told the police that she had been using the body parts of her dismembered victims as ingredients in her confectionaries and selling them in the shop.

Pinkamena admitted that she had not bothered to chase Colgate, even though she knew she would reveal her identity to the authorities. When asked why she had murdered so many ponies she simply said, “Their numbers came up.”

Lyra still had nightmares.

The sea-green unicorn averted her gaze from Fluttershy’s and nodded. The timid pegasus muttered her apologies for having to correct Lyra, pushing her fore-hooves together and blushing.

“Alright, everypony!” Twilight’s voice was authoritative and drew the attention of her agents. “I am going to assign each of you tasks.” she peered down over the frames of her glasses at a piece of paper on her podium. “Cheerilee and Lyra, you two will be re-interviewing the victims’ next of kin and the last people who saw them prior to their disappearances.” Lyra nodded the affirmative and Cheerilee looked positively giddy.

“Doctor and Carmel will visit the medical examiner and look at the latest victim.” Twilight frowned and her violet eyes studied her notes intensely, “Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. I need you to visit the police departments in charge of the initial murder investigations to make sure we didn’t miss anything.” she looked up at the agents, “Does everypony understand?” they all nodded. “Good. I need a report by the end of the week. Dismissed.”

0 -

It was only now, eight months and two more victims later, Rainbow Dash thought she may have made a huge mistake joining the Horn Hawker case. They were no further than they had been and two more ponies were dead.

Dash had been pouring over the most recent victim, a mare named Midnight Sun. She had been missing for three months, until a week ago when a young colt working part-time at a Canterlot deli, came across her corpse lying next to the dumpster while taking out the trash. The mare’s body had been pulverized. Her hooves were so chipped that the bone was exposed. Both of her hind-legs had been broken and were arranged at unnatural angles. Her horn had been removed. The colt had been utterly traumatized. His parents hadn’t been able to get him to speak for days.

They had zero leads. Not so much as a single pony had seen Midnight Sun since she had left her job as a bank teller at five on the dot the night she disappeared. Rainbow Dash was about to give up on ever finding the Horn Hawker. This pony just kept outsmarting them!

Rainbow Dash glanced at the clock, it was almost four in the morning. She had to go home and get some sleep. She had been studying the case file for hours and her mind was numb. She brushed her multi-colored mane from her tired eyes and pushed herself up from her desk. Dash shoved some papers into her saddle-bag and threw it over her back.

Dash walked out into the hallway of the EBI and directly into a large figure. She looked up into a set of familiar piercing blue eyes, “Oh hey, Gilda.” she greeted the griffon with a small smile, which Gilda returned. She was a good six inches taller than Rainbow Dash, and wore her badge on a chain around her neck. She and Gilda had been roommates when they were in the academy and an equally competitive nature with a shared love of excitement had forged a lasting friendship.

“Hey Dash, are you leaving?” she asked, peering down her beak at the exhausted pony. Gilda sipped at the cup of coffee in her claw and offered it to Dash who shook her head. No amount of caffeine would be able to help her at this point, she was beyond repair.

“Yeah, I’ve hit a wall with the Hawker case.” Rainbow Dash confessed, “I really need catch a couple z’s and look at things with fresh eyes in the morning. How are things in narcotics?” she asked Gilda, leaning against the wall in the hallway casually. It was more to keep her upright than anything, since she thought she might fall asleep on the spot.

“It’s tough being undercover.”

“Yeah?”

Suddenly, a blur of yellow flew into the hallway and slammed directly into the wall. A picture of Princess Celestia crashed to the floor with a giant clatter. Startled, Rainbow Dash and Gilda stared as the pegasus struggled to her feet. Breathless and wild-eyed, Fluttershy managed to right herself. Her bubblegum-pink mane was disheveled and her crash had caused a small gash above her left eye. She didn’t seem to notice the blood dripping from the wound. “D—Dash!” even under pressure, her voice was soft and melodious, like a lute.

“What’s wrong Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash rushed to her side, her voice filled with concern. She tried to calm the yellow pegasus down, but she was hyperventilating. Gilda was at a loss. She had gone into narcotics because she was terrible at dealing with victims. She tried to hand Fluttershy her coffee cup, hoping the warm beverage would calm her, but the mare ignored the gesture.

“It’s terrible, Dash!” Fluttershy cried, “There’s been another kidnapping!”

Dash gulped.

Author's Note

Alternate-Universe. Silence of the Lambs Parody. Agent Rainbow Dash of the EBI is investigating a string of grisly murders in Equestria and needs the help of the infamous “Cupcake Killer” Pinkamena Diane Pie. [Rainbow/Pinkie]

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

My fanfiction is very, very loosely based on the Hannibal Lecter Trilogy by Thomas Harris. I liked the idea of Pinkie Pie as Hannibal Lector after I saw a particular piece of fanart featuring her in a straight jacket and muzzle and since I love RainbowPie, Dashie was cast as Agent Clarice Starling.

This fiction is not a direct parody of Silence of the Lambs, but more of a mash-up of the general idea of Silence and Hannibal with my own ideas. The only real similarities are the idea of a government agent using a serial killer as a guide to help her catch another murderer. Those of you who have read the trilogy know that Clarice and Hannibal fall in love eventually, that also occurs but in an entirely different fashion.

This is technically NOT a Cupcakes sequel. I used the “Cupcake Killer” title because it fits the idea of Pinkamena Pie as Hannibal Lecter. The crimes that Pinkie Pie committed are the same in this story as those in Cupcakes (ie. killing and cooking ponies) simply because Lector was a cannibal and I like the moniker.

I added some technology that I know Equestria does not have. I wanted it to seem a little more realistic in the setting. I also tried to replace current technology with pony technology, so hopefully that will work too. I am always open for suggestions or ways to make this flow more smoothly.

The characters are the same personalities, or at least similar, but they have completely different roles and relations to one another. I tried to keep as close to the original (or fan-original) interpretations of the characters in the new setting as humanely possible. Hopefully I did well.

By the way, I really don’t care if anyone thinks this is “un-original” because I thought this would be an awesome idea for a parody and I wanted to try it out. There are tons of story parodies, especially ponies. At least it isn’t another “Hangover” fanfiction. Lol.

WARNINGS: This is a grim-dark story. There is a gratuitous amount of violence, gore, and death. There are also lesbian pairings. Please keep your silly negative comments to yourself. I will not hesitate to block/report you.

PAIRINGS: Rainbow/Pinkie

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic © Lauren Faust & Hasbro
FanFiction © Courtney Dracon (Luffy-Kun)

The Eighth Victim

“Hush Now”

Chapter Two: The Eighth Victim

Rarity exited the club in a huff.

The rush of cold air made her unsteady on her hooves. She really should not have had that fourth appletini. She closed her eyes and drew in a slow breath and tried to collect herself. It was incredibly unladylike to chug one’s beverage and exit in a tizzy due to a fight with one’s lover, but she was so angry!

The parking lot was deserted, not another pony in sight. This was not particularly surprising. After all, it was one o’ clock in the morning and everypony who was still awake was inside partying. She stamped her hooves against the ground and let out a frustrated whimper.

Why did she have to be so difficult? Rarity had only wanted a nice night out with her lover. Was that so much to ask? She didn’t think so, and after Rarity had gone through all the trouble of putting together a nice outfit for her, that pony had shown up in her dirty work uniform! Rarity found it incredibly insulting, especially considering all the effort she had put into making her those clothes. Not to mention the ragged vest made her look unkempt and there was nothing the ivory unicorn hated more than untidiness.

Behind her, Rarity heard the crunch of gravel beneath hooves. Her ears perked up and she fixed her face with her best pout as she turned to face her fillyfriend, “Well, well. Have you come to apologize?” her voice died in her throat when she realized the pony she was looking at was not the one she knew and loved.

Rarity found herself face-to-face with a shadowy figure. The pony was dressed in black from head-to-hoof and in the dim light of the lot the white unicorn could not even make out the other pony’s eyes. “W—who are you?” she asked, trying desperately to keep the fear from her voice. She began to back away slowly, but the gravel combined with the alcohol in her system made it difficult for her to gain steady footing.

She gulped. Suddenly, the forehead of the dark pony burst into light. The spark encased Rarity in a pool of brightness, blinding her. She staggered backward. Electricity crackled in her ears and a searing current hit her flank. Her body stiffened involuntarily and tears sprang to her eyes. Her body convulsed violently before she collapsed to the ground in a heap.

Everything went black.

0 –

Rainbow Dash followed Fluttershy into the conference room to find the rest of the task-force looking exhausted and edgy. Lyra’s mane was wet and flat against her forehead. She had been rushed into the office without time for a proper shower. She chewed angrily on a glazed donut, her eyes darting around the room.

Next to her, Caramel sipped his coffee anxiously. Like Dash, he had been up for days on the Midnight Sun case and was running out of steam. On his right, Cheerilee looked excited. She nibbled at her donut, a frosted number covered in multi-colored sprinkles and Rainbow Dash wondered for a moment if she simply ran on sugar.

At the head of the room, Twilight was speaking in hushed tones to a pony that Rainbow Dash didn’t recognize. She was an orange earth pony with soft blonde tresses tied in a loose ponytail and a brown hat perched on an angle on her head. She sported a vest from the Ponyville police department. She looked upset. The matted streaks in the fur underneath her emerald eyes told Dash that she had been crying.

Doctor Whooves looked incredibly grave. He was the only pony at the table who was not eating or drinking anything. He nodded curt greetings to Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash as they slide into their seats. Dash leaned over and whispered into his ear, “Who is that?” she asked in a low voice, pointing to the orange pony at the head of the room. Doctor glanced in the direction of Rainbow Dash’s hoof momentarily then at Dash, before returning his gaze to the wall.

The cream-colored stallion glared at the wall, apparently deep in thought. “Her name is Applejack” he replied, staring fixatedly at the wall while he spoke, as if afraid somepony would overhear. “She’s the Chief of Police in Ponyville, seems she was the last pony to see the victim.” Doctor Whooves’ voice was skeptical and he glowered at nothing in particular. Rainbow Dash frowned and began studying Applejack.

Special Agent Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat and the mild chatter died down as everypony directed their attention to the front of the room. “As you may have ascertained, there has been another kidnapping.” she said, her voice strained. “This victim is of the highest priority as decreed by Princess Luna herself.” Twilight explained, knitting her brow. A small flash ignited from her horn and a picture appeared on the screen behind her. It was a beautiful white unicorn with a long purple mane in tightly coiled curls. Rainbow Dash had seen her many times in the paper, “Rarity, the princess’ personal dressmaker and confidant.”

“Where was she taken from?” Caramel asked, flipping through his case file agitatedly. Spike had not had time to put together anything substantial, only the basic information on the victim. The purple dragon was the only one absent from the briefing, busy garnering more information for a better profile.

“A club outside Canterlot,” Twilight said, bringing her latte up to her lips magically. She took a long, contemplative sip and set the paper cup back on the podium. She had bags underneath her violet eyes and a few strands of hair were falling from her bun and onto her face. Though she never liked to show weakness, Dash knew she was pushing herself harder than anypony.

“Then why is she here?” Lyra spat, indicating Applejack. The orange earth pony glowered at her, emerald eyes glinting beneath flaxen brows.

“Ah was wit’ her at the club.” Applejack growled. She spoke in a thick Appaloosean accent, uncommon in Canterlot. Yet, even with the drawl she seemed intimidating. This mare was no hick and she was prepared to prove it.

“What club?” Caramel piped in, attempting to diffuse the situation. Over the past few months, he had gotten used to handling the hotheaded Agent Heartstrings. He had plenty of practice with feisty fillies in the Academy, after all he was friends with Rainbow Dash and she was the only pony he knew with a shorter fuse than Lyra. Surprisingly, Dash was seated quietly in the back of the room, observing Applejack with a piercing mauve gaze, sizing her up.

“The Mare-E-Go-Round.” Applejack said, averting her gaze her cheeks flushing slightly. Lyra smirked and Rainbow Dash shot her a nasty look. Judging by the slightly confused looks on the other agents’ faces, it seemed that only she and the sea-green unicorn understood the implications of Rarity and Applejack’s presence at the bar.

“So Rarity is your fillyfriend?” Dash asked Applejack. The other ponies, aside from Lyra, who crossed her fore-legs over her chest smugly, looked at Applejack with slightly surprised expressions. The orange earth pony puffed out her cheeks and glowered at the floor, nodding.

“Yah.” Applejack confessed, “We got in a lil’ dispute.” Applejack explained, “She stormed outta the club an’ Ah tried to give her some time ta cool off, ya know?” the orange pony sighed, her voice becoming choked with tears she refused to shed. “But when Ah got outside, she was gone and this huge burn mark was in the parking lot, shaped like a star.” Applejack ran her hoof across the brim of her hat in nervous habit, “Ah recognized the signature as the Hawker.” the mare looked visibly tenser, gnawing on her bottom lip.

“So you’re her fillyfriend and the last pony to have seen her prior to her kidnapping?” Cheerilee finished the last bite of her donut, licking a little frosting from her lips. “That certainly doesn’t bode well for you.” she grinned at Applejack, her green eyes sparkling. The orange earth pony looked at the mauve psychologist, her eyes widening in shock. “How do we know you didn’t just kill her and are using the Hawker as a cover-up for your domestic dispute?” she asked, giggling.

Applejack’s left eye twitched. She lunged forward, slamming her fore-hooves on the table, looking positively murderous. “Ah would never lay a hoof on her.” she hissed. Twilight lay a sympathetic hoof on her shoulder and Applejack abruptly collapsed on the table. She buried her head in her hooves, her shoulders shuddering as she sobbed. “A—Ah shouldn’t have left her.” she wept, her body wracking with her tears, “It’s all mah fault.”

The other ponies at the table shuffled papers and looked anywhere but the weeping mare. Finally, Doctor Whooves stood up and trotted over to her side, brushing his hoof along her spine. Applejack peered up at him through misty eyes, “I thought the same thing when my wife died.” Doctor admitted, “She was at that post office dropping off a package I hadn’t had time to drop in the mail when the place was attacked. I blamed myself.” his pale-blue eyes moistened a little, but he managed to keep his emotions in check. “I know now that we can’t fight fate. The point is, we don’t know why the Hawker takes his victims or what they have in common besides being unicorns. It really isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known.”

“Thanks,” Applejack smiled weakly. “Are ya happy with yer life now?” she asked him.

Doctor Whooves blushed, “Yes. I’m re-married. She’s a lovely mare and I adopted her daughter as well.” he ran a hoof over the top of his spiky mane. “She’s a little absent minded, but she’s the sweetest pony I know.” Doctor smiled despite himself. Fairytale endings were few and far between, but he always felt like he had managed to find one when he came home to those twin pairs of golden-eyes.

Rainbow Dash stood up, “Enough. We have to get moving.” she reminded everypony, “Do we have any leads?” she asked Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight shook her head, “No, we still need to examine the scene.” she told her, glancing up at the clock. “It has been six hours since Rarity went missing. Agent Dash, please take Agents Heartstrings and Fluttershy to the Mare-E-Go-Round and look for any evidence as to the whereabouts of Miss Rarity.”

“Ah want to go too.” Applejack insisted, getting up and adjusting her vest. “This is my fillyfriend. Ah need to be on this case.” the orange earth pony wiped her eyes with the tip of her hoof and took a dramatic sniff. She was finished crying. It was time for action.

“I don’t think that is wise, Chief Applejack.” Twilight advised, frowning slightly. “Your relationship with the victim could compromise the case—” she stopped speaking when Applejack shot her a look that would have made a hydra cry.

“Ah said Ah’m goin’” she spat. Applejack flipped her mane over her shoulder and headed towards door. The orange mare flicked the end of her tail at the flustered unicorn as she strode out of the conference room. Rainbow Dash grinned in spite of herself. She liked a pony with guts. As long as she didn’t try and steal her thunder, she could see herself getting along with Chief Applejack.

Dash headed for the exit and nodded over her shoulder at the now fuming Twilight. She was going to solve this case if it was the last thing she did.

0 –

They took the fastest chariot available to the club to find the parking lot blocked off with yellow crime-scene tape. The CSI-team was already present, combing the scene for clues. The sun was beginning to peek from behind the clouds, covering the whole of Canterlot in a myriad of soft purples and reds as the moon receded into the night sky.

Rainbow Dash hopped down from the chariot, closely followed by Applejack and Lyra. Fluttershy lagged behind them, looking at the ground. They headed towards the edge of the crime scene.

One of the investigators, a pegasus stallion named Red Secret, marched up to Dash. He was tall and muscular with piercing blue eyes and a coat as red as a tomato. He dressed in a navy windbreaker with CSI in white block-letters stamped across the back and a matching baseball cap. His lime-green mane was pulled into a long pony-tail through the back of the hat. He sported a soul-patch and a magnifying glass cutie mark on his flank.

“Hey Dash.” Red Secret greeted her casually. His voice, like his appearance, was gruff and misleading, but Dash knew better. Red was sweeter than honey and damned good at his job. He handed each of the mares a set of plastic crime scene booties, which they tugged awkwardly over their hooves before ducking beneath the tape and joining Red Secret on the other side of the police-line.

“What have you got for me, Red?” Dash asked the investigator, flashing him a grin. She may not have the sweet mare-next-door looks that made everypony love a sweetie-pie like Fluttershy, but she knew how to work what she had to get what she needed. After all, she was bucking awesome. Red Secret shook his head.

“Nothing but my undying love for you, Dash.” he smirked. Red Secret fluttered his wings, sending a cloud of white hoof-printing dust up into the air. The agents coughed as they inhaled the powder. “There are about a million hoof-prints in that bar.” he sighed, “Here, let me take you through what we know.” Red gestured for the mares to follow him towards the giant star-shaped burn in the middle of the parking lot.

Near the burn-mark were a set of staggering hoof-prints, dusted in white powder with numbered markers next to them. “It looks like the victim came out here, inebriated, and stumbled around for a little while.” Red explained, walking alongside the prints until they came to an abrupt stop. “Seems like she was waiting for somepony.” he said. Applejack choked. Rainbow Dash glanced in her direction, but the orange pony shook her head and they waited for Red Secret to continue with his tour of the crime scene.

“Then she must’ve seen something that spooked her.” the stallion explicated, walking backward and winding his hooves through one another in an imitation of Rarity’s actions. He was careful to leave the actual scene untouched. “She turned to see who it was and… BAM!” Red screamed, collapsing to the ground dramatically. The four mares stared at him in shock. Abruptly, the investigator pushed himself off the gravel and dusted off his windbreaker with a quick flutter of his wings.

“After that, the perp must have dragged her away. See?” he indicated the outline of drag marks in the gravel, leading away from the burn. Dash frowned, circling the huge star-shaped mark on the ground. A glimmer of silver caught her eye in the faint light of the sunrise. She bent down to get a closer look.

A small bug was smashed into the gravel. It was round and green with giant, black glazed-over eyes that gazed at nothing. The insect’s tiny innards were smeared into the pavement and its shimmery wings were shredded. This was not any creature Dash was familiar with, “What is this?” she asked, poking at the miniscule carcass with the tip of her hoof. The others gathered around her and leaned down to examine the remains of the bug.

“I—I have no idea.” Red Secret frowned. “I have never seen this type of bug before.”

“What a strange little creature.” Fluttershy whispered, brushing her covered hoof across the tip of its wings, rolling it over to get a closer look. “I grew up in Cloudsdale and I never saw one of these there. I didn’t see any during my stay in Manehatten either.” she said. She looked at the bug tearfully, as if sad for its untimely demise.

“Tag it and bag it.” Lyra ordered, “Send it back to the lab at the EBI. I am sure that we can get an entomologist to tell us what it is.” the sea-green unicorn said. “I am going to interview the bartender.” she told them, turning her back towards the others and trotting towards the club. She stopped and spun on her hoof, calling over her shoulder. “Red, I want you to have one of your boys send that filly’s drinks to the lab. See if she was drugged. Call me when you get the tox-screen.” Lyra instructed loudly, before rushing towards the bar door.

“Will do!” Red shouted after her. He returned his attention to the insect on the ground. “Right after I get this lil’ bugger!” the stallion grinned down his nose at the smashed bug almost maniacally. It still fascinated Rainbow Dash how excited the crime-scene ponies could get over something like dirt or a hair. It was a little creepy. “Can you get me my bag, Dash?” Red asked her. “It’s over by hoof-print number eight.” Dash followed the direction of his hoof to a black saddle-bag about five feet away.

“Sure.” Rainbow Dash said, smirking. In a split-second, the cyan pegasus flew from the spot she had been standing in to where the bag was and back again. She had barely even pushed off the ground. Dash dropped the saddle-bag at Red Secret’s side and tossed her multi-colored mane casually.

Applejack grinned at her, “That’s some pretty impressive speed.” she drawled. Rainbow Dash swelled with pride. She had always been a sucker for having her ego stroked. Sometimes, Dash wondered if she strived to be the best at everything simply to get the praise that came along with the title.

“Rainbow Dash was the fastest flier in the EBI Academy and flight school in Cloudsdale.” Fluttershy said softly, smiling gently. Dash flushed prettily underneath the praise, but she was eating the compliments up. She thanked both ponies and attempted to return her attention to her work before she fished for more admiration.

Red Secret had unzipped his bag and pulled out his camera. He adjusted the focus on the lens and took a couple of pictures of the unidentified bug before tucking it back into his saddlebag. The investigator pony gripped a plastic bag with his teeth and tugged it out, holding it out to Fluttershy. “Hold this open, ‘Shy.” he directed through clenched teeth. The yellow pegasus did as she was told and took the evidence bag from Red, holding it open.

The tomato-colored stallion fished around his saddlebag and extracted a pair of tweezers. He leaned down with the tweezers in his mouth and very carefully pinched the edges around one of the wings of the bug. He gently lifted the damaged creature into the air and over to the bag Fluttershy had open. As tenderly as possible, he dropped it in.

Red Secret returned the tweezers to their rightful place in his saddlebag and turned back to Fluttershy. He took the plastic bag from her and with a swift press of his hoof, sealed it. “That’s it, ladies.” he grinned, “Show’s over.”
“Alright. Let’s go see how far Lyra’s gotten with the bartender.” Dash suggested. She jerked her head towards the bar and Applejack nodded.

“Sounds good,” Red Secret agreed. “I’ll send somepony in after you to collect the glasses like Lyra wanted.” he threw his saddlebag over his shoulders. “In the meantime, I am going to get this little guy back to the lab!” Red said excitedly. He nodded his goodbyes to the mares before trotting off in the opposite direction, calling for one of the other investigators.

“I—I will go interview the parking attendant.” Fluttershy piped up, “If you don’t mind, that is.” she blushed beneath her bubblegum bangs and smiled shyly.

“Sounds good, Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash concurred, giving her a curt nod. The yellow pegasus smiled and fluttered her wings, rising a few feet off the ground and gliding gracefully towards the booth near the edge of the parking lot, where some local police were already grilling a young pimple-faced colt in a red vest and cap.

0 -

The inside of the club was dingy and depressing. The floors were littered with trash, varying from paper cups to glitter and plastic beads. The walls were covered in peeling fluorescent paint and framed posters of famous musicians and models. An unlit disco ball hung sadly from the ceiling. A few members of the police and CSI-team were still milling around, interviewing a few detained patrons and collecting the last bits of evidence.

“It sure looks different durin’ the day.” Applejack commented, nudging a stray piece of confetti with her hoof. “Ah don’t think Rarity would even come here if she saw it like this.” she smiled to herself for a moment, before the corners of her eyes filled with tears. Rainbow Dash placed a comforting hoof on her shoulder. The orange earth pony shook it off. “Ah’m okay. Thanks, sugarcube.”

They found Lyra sitting at the bar, chatting with an attractive earth pony. She had an extremely light brown coat, almost bordering on white and a choppily-cut birch-colored mane that fell over one eye. Her visible eye was big and green with a silver rod through the eyebrow. She wore a leather v-neck vest that was cut short to show off her cutie mark, a full lime and half a lemon on her tightly-muscled flank.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack approached the bar-counter in time to hear the bartender finish telling Lyra, “She was arguing with some filly, then she left.” she explained. The sound of hooves on wood alerted Lyra and the bartender to the arrival of the other mares. They turned to face them. “Speak of the devil. There she is.” the bartender said, pointing to Applejack. The orange earth pony frowned.

Lyra smirked at Applejack, “Lemon Lime here was just telling me about the big fight you had with Rarity and how she stormed out.”

“Ah already told you that!” Applejack snapped. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m just confirming your alibi.” Lyra retorted, crossing her fore-legs over her chest and sniffing loudly. “How can be sure you aren’t the one who killed Rarity if I don’t make sure of it!” the sea-green mare inquired, nastily.

“She isn’t dead!” Applejack screamed.

“Excuse me.” Lemon Lime interrupted, frowning. “She was in here for a good hour after that unicorn left.” she informed them, trotting over towards the register. She pushed a few buttons and the drawer flew open. She began to fish through some papers before pulling one out and returning to Lyra. “She had another beer. I recall telling her to give her lady some time to cool down before she went after her.” Lemon Lime said, sliding a receipt across the bar-counter towards Lyra who snatched it up and studied it.

“SEE?” the orange pony shouted, stabbing at the paper with her hoof. Lyra glowered at Applejack, holding the receipt out of her reach and sticking out her tongue at the younger mare. She knew it was immature, she didn’t care. Applejack growled and pushed the sea-green unicorn, causing her to nearly fall but she caught herself on the bar counter. They opened their mouths to argue but the slam of a hoof on the counter drew their attention to Lemon Lime. The young bartender shot them a death-stare that could have rivaled Fluttershy’s and they stopped fighting. Dash admired her mastery of the death-stare.

“Sorry.” Lyra mumbled, handing the receipt to Applejack. “This has to be hard for you. I’m just exhausted.” she admitted. The other pony nodded and smiled weakly, taking the paper and tucking it into her jacket pocket.

“Water under the bridge, sugarcube.” the orange pony told her. She held her hoof out to Lyra, who met it with a swift bump.

“Did you see anypony suspicious last night?” Rainbow Dash asked, turning back to the bartender. “Anypony eyeing Applejack or Rarity?”

Lemon Lime pursed her lips and looked around the bar. “Not really. There were a lot of regulars last night and I know most of them personally.” she said, flipping her mane. “None of them are the types to do anything like this.” the cream-colored earth pony mused. “It was also really busy. I don’t remember anypony in particular. Except…”

“Except?” Dash prompted.

“There was this one pony.” Lemon Lime furrowed her brow, concentrating on drawing her memory to the surface. “They were dressed in a dark cloak, though. I couldn’t see their face.” she said, “I remember thinking: ponies in Canterlot have a weird sense of fashion.” she returned her gaze to the three mares. “I grew up in Ponyville.” she explicated.

“Anythin’ else?” Applejack encouraged her. The bartender bit her lip and clenched her eyes shut, thinking as hard as she could. The three ponies watched in silence, praying she remembered any minute detail that could help them. Suddenly, her eyes flew open.

“They ordered a rum and coke!” she yelped.

“Do you have the receipt?” Lyra asked excitedly, hopping off the bar stool. Lemon Lime nodded enthusiastically and rushed over to the cash register. She pulled the drawer open and began searching through the scraps of paper before she managed to find the one she wanted. She rushed back to the other ponies.

“It seems they paid in cash.” she frowned, studying the receipt. “Do you still want it?”

“Definitely!” Rainbow Dash grinned. The cyan pegasus turned her head over her shoulder and shouted, “Yo, CSI-BOYS! One of you needs to get your ass over here! I got a job for you!” Dash ordered. Several ponies stared at her with wide-eyes. She raised an expectant eyebrow and it was only moments before a lanky stallion sauntered over to the bar counter.

Under the direct supervision of Lyra Heartstrings, the investigator dusted the receipt for prints before bagging it and sending it back to the lab. She then forced him to collect every glass in the bar, including the discarded cups on the floor, for examination as well. She dismissed Applejack and Rainbow Dash and told them she and Fluttershy could handle it from here. She would meet them back at the lab soon.

The two mares thanked Lemon Lime for her help and made their way back to the EBI-Headquarters.

Author's Note

Alternate-Universe. Silence of the Lambs Parody. Agent Rainbow Dash of the EBI is investigating a string of grisly murders in Equestria and needs the help of the infamous “Cupcake Killer” Pinkamena Diane Pie. [Rainbow/Pinkie]

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

The second chapter! Now the story is really going to get going. I am introducing Little Miss Rarity as Catherine Baker Martin. If you never read Silence of the Lambs, I am sure you are familiar with the pivotal “pit scene” with lotion and what-not. Rarity is going in the pit. Lol.

I will give you SO many bonus points if you guess who Horn Hawker (Buffalo Bill) is. I did not tag him/her because I wanted it to be a secret!

As I stated previously, this story only very loosely follows the trilogy it is based off of. It also does not follow Cupcakes in any way, save for the idea that Pinkie Pie killed and ate ponies. I only used that moniker because I wanted Pinkamena to be a cannibal like Lector. So I am not bothering to credit Sgt. Sprinkles because honestly, he wasn’t the only one who thought of that plot. The sad thing is: I had the same idea of a bakery of horrors starring Pinkie Pie the moment I started watching My Little Pony. I was thrilled to see Cupcakes because it meant I wasn’t the only one who saw the possibility of split personalities in Pinkie Pie. ;)

I decided to make Rainbow Dash a little more docile since she is meant to be Clarice Starling, but she is still a hothead who does things without permission from her superiors. Lyra Heartstrings has been changed from a lot of fanon interpretations though. I made her the bitchy veteran character. Every cop-drama has one! I like Lyra and I needed a bitch. :D I also made Doctor Whooves less like Tennet (sorry) and more like an absent-minded professor type. He was actually based off CSI’s Grissom.

God damn I am shit at pony names. I just pull them out of my ass. If you have any cool made up ones for background characters, throw them at me. I will give you credit. Pwease? *sparkly eyes*

WARNINGS: This is a grim-dark story. There is a gratuitous amount of violence, gore, and death. There are also lesbian pairings. Please keep your silly negative comments to yourself. I will not hesitate to block/report you.

PAIRINGS: Rainbow/Pinkie

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic © Lauren Faust & Hasbro
FanFiction © Courtney Dracon (LuffySP)

Conversations With A Killer

“Hush Now”

Chapter Three: Conversations With A Killer

The mare admired her reflection in her vanity.

She tossed her silvery mane and adjusted her perfect coif. She lifted a tube of mascara from the table and popped the cap, using the wand to apply generous layers of pitch-blackness to her the lashes above her deep violet eyes. Her eye-shadow was a glimmery shade of silver that matched her mane. She pouted coyly at her mirror-image.

Absolute perfection.

The powdery-blue mare reluctantly abandoned her reflection, leaving the vanity to venture out into the main part of her home. The living room walls were covered in pale yellow patterned wallpaper. The old, beaten leather furniture was dull and brown. It was rather modest for her tastes, but she had inherited it from her parents and she had not had time enough to re-model the entirety of the interior. She didn’t spend much time here anyway.

She had compensated by covering every inch of the walls with framed photos of herself. She lined the adjacent hallway with gorgeous gilded mirrors, so that she could admire her slender form from every angle while she trotted into the kitchen. She paused for a moment to wink at her reflection.

Her kitchen looked the same way it did when her parents purchased the house over fifty years ago. She had not done much with the room, since she rarely cooked for herself. After all, such menial tasks were below her. It still had the same cracked linoleum floors and turquoise oven from her fillyhood. Tucked in the far corner, was a rickety white card-table that seated four. She vaguely recalled family dinners at that very table: a sweet, happy unicorn with doting parents, proud to remind their daughter of how incredible she was. How great she would be. She dismissed the thought.

The silvery-maned mare turned away from the table and opened the refrigerator with a swift pulse of magic. She peered inside at the sparse contents before settling on a small carrot. She had to watch her figure, after all. She pulled out the vegetable, trotting over to the table and sitting in the chair closest to the wall. The unicorn began nibbling her carrot quietly, thinking to herself. She should really do something with the inside of this house. It was below her. So pedestrian.

The only room she had put any work into was the basement. After all, it was where she kept her friends. It was one of her greatest achievements, really. She had done a lot of the labor herself, wanting as few ponies to know what she was up to as possible. She was immensely proud of herself for the achievement, more so than usual.

The unicorn heard a loud thumping and muffled screams from beneath her hooves. Her guest was awake. She smiled to herself and got up from the table, heading towards the entrance to the basement.

0 –

The shrill sound of the alarm filled the small conference room, mercilessly pounding against Rainbow Dash’s eardrums. She blindly waved her hoof in the general direction of the noise until it ceased. She groaned miserably, stretching her fore-legs over her head and unfurling her sore wings. Desperately rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she looked around for the clock. It was nearly nine in the morning. They had only managed to fit in about three hours of sleep.

Dash peered around. The two mares had sequestered themselves in a small conference room, spreading out papers on every available surface and discussing the case until neither could keep their eyes open. Somehow, Rainbow had managed to fall asleep on the floor using her saddlebag as a pillow. She spotted Applejack, who was still snoozing on the couch, her had tugged over her eyes. How could she sleep through that alarm? Rainbow Dash wondered idly. The cyan mare pushed herself up off the floor and trotted over to the exhausted orange pony, placing a hoof on her shoulder and shaking her gently. “Time to get up, AJ.” she told her, “We got a buck-load of shit to do.”

Applejack let out a sound not unlike a mewl and pushed her hat up off her forehead, peering up at Rainbow Dash through blonde bangs. “Oh Celestia! Ah can’t believe Ah fell asleep.” she moaned, ashamed. The orange earth pony sat up and frowned. “Ah should be lookin’ for Rarity.” she said, hopping off the couch and dusting off her vest.

“Don’t sweat it.” Dash reassured her, smiling. “Everypony sleeps. I don’t think either of us would have been much good if we didn’t get at least a few hours.” the cyan pegasus quipped, grinning at the other mare tiredly. She was still exhausted, less than ten hours of sleep over the course of three days was beginning to take its toll on the pegasus. Hell, she hadn’t had a shower in at least forty-eight hours and her mane was beginning to feel grimy. It was downright disgusting.

Suddenly, there was a faint knocking on the door and before either pony could answer it flew open and Twilight Sparkle marched into the conference room. She had obviously gotten more sleep than Applejack and Rainbow Dash, or at least a better dose of caffeine, because her pink and purple mane was back in its perfect bun and the bags under eyes had mysteriously vanished. “Oh good, you’re here.” she said, curtly. She did not bother to let either mare speak before adding, “Applejack, you have some visitors.”

The orange pony looked befuddled, she was obviously not expecting guests. Her confusion lasted only moments before a small, alabaster unicorn forced her way past Twilight and rushed into the room. She ran towards Applejack, slamming directly into her chest and wrapping her teeny forelegs around the older pony, “S—Sweetie Belle?” Applejack stuttered, shocked.

Twilight Sparkle entered, followed by a tall, muscular stallion with a dark coat the same shade of red as the setting sun. His long, dirty-blonde mane was shaggy and unkempt. A splash of freckles across his nose gave him the innocent look of a farmer. His grass-green eyes were identical to Applejack’s own. Rainbow Dash would bet her next month’s salary this stallion was related to the orange mare.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sweetie Belle sobbed, pounding Applejack’s chest uselessly. The flaxen-maned pony looked down at the ivory filly miserably. She bit her lip and fought back her own tears, placing a hoof on the tiny unicorn’s shaking back. Applejack sighed deeply and looked up, locking eyes with the stoic red stallion and frowning deeply.

“Big Mac, why did ya bring her here?’ she asked, her voice gruff. Applejack’s dark emerald eyes burrowed into her relative’s, but he managed to match her expression with ease. They stared at one another with such intensity, Rainbow Dash was worried they might start a fire. Neither pony even so much as blinked until the ivory unicorn filly broke the momentary stand-off, her squeaky voice drawing their attention to the ground.

“We saw the news, AJ. I asked Big Macintosh to bring me here.” Sweetie Belle piped up, gazing up at Applejack with watery green eyes the size of dinner plates. “Did you really think you could keep the disappearance of my sister a secret forever?” she asked her. The blonde exhaled deeply and stroked Sweetie Belle’s pastel mane in a sisterly manner.

“Ah was hoping ta have her back by now…” she admitted.

The alabaster unicorn released Applejack and peered up at her with the utmost trust reflected in her shimmering pea-green eyes. “It’s okay AJ, I understand.” she reassured the older pony, “I just want you to trust me. I need to know what’s going on. Please?” the alabaster unicorn begged, giving her a pleading gaze. Applejack swallowed thickly and nodded.

“Ah’m sorry Sweetie Belle.” the orange earth pony apologized, patting her head. “Ah’ll tell ya as much as Ah can. How about Ah start by introducin’ the team Ah’ve been workin’ with to you and my bro?” she suggested, gesturing towards her fellow agents. Sweetie Belle smiled and nodded enthusiastically. When they entered the building, both she and Big Macintosh had been so consumed with finding Applejack they were much too distracted to notice anypony else, she didn’t even remember the name of the mare who had taken them to the conference room. The filly looked around at the other agents excitedly.

“This here is Rainbow Dash.” Applejack introduced the pegasus, throwing her foreleg casually over her shoulder and pulling her forward. “She’s been a real help and she’s a heck of a flier. Might even be the best in Equestria!” she bragged, pounding Dash hard on the back. The rainbow-maned mare grinned, detaching herself from the orange earth pony and puffing out her chest with pride. Sweetie Belle’s eyes widened, glittering with admiration, her mouth forming a little “o” of delight.

“We’ll find your sister, kid.” Agent Dash promised Sweetie Belle, giving her a quick salute. “We have some awesome ponies on this case. Twilight here is a total egghead, super smart.” The cyan pegasus stated, giggling. She poked her superior playfully in the side with the tip of her hoof. The violet unicorn smiled amusedly, her cheeks reddening slightly. She wasn’t the ham Rainbow Dash was.

“I will do my best.” Twilight Sparkle said, humbly.

“Hey everypony, I brought some coffee!” Fluttershy sang, her melodious voice ringing down the hallway and into the conference room. The yellow pegasus entered the room backward, pushing the door open with her hindquarters. She was flying about twelve inches off the ground, a tray gripped in her hooves. When she turned around and spotted the new arrivals, her face immediately went pale. “I—I’m sorry,” she stuttered, “Am I interrupting?” the bubblegum-maned mare flushed.

“You’re fine, Fluttershy. Why don’t you put that down over here?” Rainbow Dash suggested, gesturing to of the miniscule corners of bare space on the conference table in the center of the room. The yellow mare nodded and began to glide towards the table when she stumbled. In an instant, before even Dash could react, Big Macintosh was at Fluttershy’s side, pushing up the other side of the tray with his nose. Even the cyan pegasus had to admit she was impressed.

“Lemme help, miss.” he murmured, quietly. Big Macintosh also sported a thick Appaloosean accent similar to Applejack’s, but his voice was several octaves lower. Rainbow Dash got the impression he was much quieter than his hard-headed sister. Fluttershy flushed redder than a tomato and nodded wordlessly. Her blush was considerably darker than the one she usually wore when embarrassed and she looked as if she might drop right out of the air and crash into the ground. Big Mac took the tray from her and cantered over to the table, setting it down gently on the surface.

“T—thank you. Mister—?” Fluttershy whispered, flushing.

“Big Macintosh”

“Big Macintosh” Fluttershy repeated, thoughtfully. She lowered herself gently to the floor.

Applejack watched the exchange between her brother and Fluttershy with a look of amusement on her face. She shook her head smiling and spoke loudly, “Thanks fer the coffee, Fluttershy!” the orange earth pony shouted. The yellow mare jolted and both she and Big Macintosh turned to face the blonde-maned mare, who grinned at them and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. The two ponies blushed and averted their gaze from one another.

Suddenly, an errant beeping filled the room. Twilight Sparkle frowned and unclipped her cell phone from her vest with a small ball of magic. She squinted at the text and her eyes widened behind the frames of her glasses. “We need to get to the conference room now!” the unicorn spat, reattaching her phone to her vest and heading for the door. “We have a lead. A very strange one.” she told everypony, grinding her teeth in agitation and rushing from the room without so much as a goodbye.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack grabbed their saddlebags and ran for the exit, closely followed by Fluttershy before Applejack skidded to a stop, causing the other two mares to crash into her. “WAIT!” she shouted, looking around the room desperately. “Somepony has ta stay with Sweetie Belle and Big Mac!” the orange mare moaned, defeated. She backed away from the door and trotted towards her brother and Rarity’s younger sister. Dash frowned, biting the inside of her cheek. She wished she could do something for her new friend. She knew how badly Applejack wanted to be involved in this case, to know what was going on with her precious fillyfriend.

“Stop,” Fluttershy murmured, Applejack turned to face her. “You go. Rarity is your fillyfriend. You can come back and tell us what happened.” the bubblegum-maned mare smiled, placing a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder and dropping it back to the ground. The orange earth pony’s eyes began to well with tears and she threw her forelegs around Fluttershy and squeezed.

“Thankya.Thankya.Thankya.Thankya.” Applejack squealed, gripping the poor mare so tightly she began to lose oxygen. Fluttershy gently tapped the earth pony on the shoulder and realizing she had the yellow pegasus in a vice-grip, Applejack released her. Fluttershy wheezed slightly as she regulated her breathing. She smiled softly and nodded at the other agents. Applejack grinned back at her, “Ah’ll be back soon, okay?” she assured her family. She quickly kissed Sweetie Belle and Big Macintosh, who pushed her towards the door. They told her they wanted answers as much as the next pony and they trusted Applejack to get them.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack tore from the room.

0 –

When Applejack and Rainbow Dash arrived at the briefing, everypony else was already there.

Special Agent Twilight Sparkle looked like she was about to have a mental breakdown. In a mere matter of minutes, she had gone from put-together to an absolute mess. Her mane was disheveled, falling from its once perfect bun and into her face. Her glasses were dangling from one ear. The purple mare looked as if she was on the verge of tears.

“What’s going on?” Caramel demanded irately, slapping a hoof against the table. The other agents agreed loudly, their voices angry. They were on their last leg. Working such long hours was beginning to take its toll in exhaustion and irritation and the ponies were not sure how much more they could take before they snapped, or slept. A bubble of muted conversation broke out around the room.

“There was a call today.” Twilight disclosed, her tone flat. “Somepony said she might have an idea how to help us find the murderer.” the violet unicorn spoke in a hollow voice, like she was reading line off a teleprompter. She looked through the agents, almost as if she was in another world entirely. The ponies glimpsed at one another and then back at their dazed leader. Applejack shot Rainbow Dash a weird look, wasn’t a lead a good thing?

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Doctor Whooves parroted Applejack’s thoughts, scratching the slight stubble forming on his chin with his hoof and giving the dual-maned unicorn a look of concern. Twilight stared at the cream-colored stallion as if she was seeing him for the first time and her right eye twitched slightly. Doctor Whooves felt the uneasy, the hairs on the back of his neck rising.

Twilight Sparkle swallowed thickly and closed her eyes. She took a few measured breaths, trying to slow her heart rate back to normal. The purple mare used her magic to slide her glasses back up her nose and opened her eyes to face the table. “The informant is Pinkamena Diane Pie.”

A foreboding silence swept over the room.

All of a sudden, it felt as if all the air had been sucked from the conference room. The tension was palpable, stifling everypony. Rainbow Dash spotted Lyra at the head of the table. The unicorn looked as if somepony had drained every ounce of life from her. So pale she was almost white, her caramel eyes listless and unreadable. Dash had never seen the hard-bitten mare so utterly terrified.

“What are we gonna do?” Applejack asked, her Appaloosean drawl even thicker than usual. The other ponies, save for Lyra who was still in a trance, turned to her then exchanged glances with one another. Nopony knew the answer.

Special Agent Twilight Sparkle frowned, chewing her bottom lip furiously. “S—somepony is going to have to interview her.” she stammered, unable to keep the fear from her voice. Twilight prided herself on being an example for her agents. She was well aware that she was a bit of a perfectionist and that quality was oftentimes difficult to deal with yet, even if they might dislike her a little bit, Twilight wanted to be somepony her agents could turn to in times of crisis. Maybe even somepony they might come to admire. However, it seemed she was still incapable of controlling some of her anxieties. She still had much to learn before she could become a successful agent and leader. The unicorn was furious with her own inability, but accepted her flaws. The logical conclusion was to assign the job to somepony with experience in the area, preferably somepony who had dealt with Pinkamena Pie in the past. “I was thinking perhaps, since she was on the original case, Agent Heartstr—?”

“NO!”

Lyra shrieked, abruptly snapping out of her stupor and slamming her fore-hooves onto the table with an earth-shattering crash. The other agents stared at her, startled. “I—I can’t.” Lyra moaned, gripping desperately at her mane. Her golden eyes were haunted, tears pouring from them and splattering onto the smooth surface of the table. “I can’t see her again. I can’t.” the sea-green mare repeated, her voice trembling. Her face turned pale and she began to shake violently as if having a terrible flashback. Suddenly, she burst into fresh tears and buried her face in her forelegs, sobbing harshly. Doctor Whooves placed a hoof on her back, trying to soothe her. She simply whimpered, “I can’t.” in a tortured whisper.

The other ponies watched the agonizing display with wide eyes. None of them had ever seen Agent Heartstrings show any emotion that even bordered on fear, let alone anything like this and nopony knew how to handle the situation.

After witnessing Lyra’s breakdown, Agent Dash felt her own fear and doubt begin to gnaw at her. The cyan pegasus felt her stomach twist uncomfortably and she traced an outline on the carpet with the tip of her hoof. Rainbow Dash was ashamed of her own weakness. How would she get anywhere in this job if she let some serial killer scare her? She had to learn to overcome her stupid phobias or she would never make it as an agent. She shook her head roughly. A mare convicted of brutally murdering seventeen innocent ponies, a violent sociopath who changed the face of criminality. Pinkamena Diane Pie. Finally, Rainbow Dash swallowed the fear that threatened to overtake her and stepped forward, “I’ll go.” she said determinedly.

Everypony stared at her, shocked.

“A—are ya sure, Dash?” Applejack asked, her voice shaking slightly. She placed her hoof on Dash’s shoulder gently and whispered, “Rarity is mah fillyfriend, Ah can go.” the orange earth pony suggested weakly. She seemed more than a little terrified by the prospect of coming face-to-face with the Cupcake Killer, but she seemed willing to do it if it meant saving her very special somepony. Rainbow Dash did not feel that Applejack needed to go through any more than she already had. The pegasus shrugged off her hoof and flashed the flaxen-maned mare the biggest grin she could muster.

“I’m one hundred and twenty percent sure.” Rainbow Dash said, smugly.

0 –

Rarity awoke with a moan, her head throbbing like speakers in a dance club. The scent of mildew assaulted her refined olfactory senses and she crinkled her nose in disgust. The floor beneath her was as cold as ice and harder than a rock. She groaned again, massaging her aching temples and opening her sapphire eyes weakly and attempted to take in her surroundings. She saw nothing but darkness. Surely she had just opened her eyes, right? The ivory unicorn rubbed her eyes furiously and opened them again to find nothing but inky blackness enveloping her.

She tried to ignite her horn and shed some light on the situation. She was greeted with a fizzling noise and a loud pop, followed by an even worse aching pain in her head. Rarity reached up tentatively, feeling around her forehead. The unicorn gasped when her hoof came in contact with some sort of mysterious device. The alabaster mare continued to trace the outline of the contraption with her hooves. A large metal ring encased the base of her horn, thin spikes digging into the bone just short of the nerve to keep it roughly in place. She was without magic and therefore, any means of protecting herself.

The pale mare tried to piece together the night before. She had been out with Applejack at the bar when they had fought. She had gone outside to get some air when… Oh my Celestia! The shadowy pony! That dark pony must have done something to her. Rarity began to panic, rising quickly to her hooves and feeling around in the darkness for any semblance of a structure. Where the heck was she?

Her hind-leg connected with something metal and it clanged loudly against the ground. Rarity yelped in surprise, before regaining her composure. She reached out cautiously and felt the outline of a pail, the delicate unicorn lifted it up off the ground to examine it. The bucket itself was empty, but it smelled atrocious and she threw it aside with a bang as it crashed into what she could only imagine was a wall of some sort.

Rarity spent the next few minutes feeling her way around her new surroundings. She concluded that she was in some kind of circular room with bricked walls. The show-white mare bit her lip and sat down on the cold ground. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself by meditating.

The alabaster mare sat in the darkness, thinking. As if on cue, an old memory floated to the surface of her mind. A few months ago, Applejack had been insistent on sharing the details of a particular case with her. Usually, AJ did not like to involve Rarity in such morbid business and she was only too happy to oblige, after all blood and guts were far from ladylike. However, this time her fillyfriend has stood firm, claiming the case involved her.

Applejack told her about a serial killer who was abducting and murdering unicorns, cutting off their horns in the process. There were absolutely no clues as to the identity or location of this mysterious pony. He was known only as the Horn Hawker. Oh dear Celestia…

She started to scream.

0 –

Rainbow Dash arrived at Appaloosa National Prison around eleven o’ clock in the morning. She had decided that she needed a shower and change of clothes if she was going to be meeting one of the most infamous serial killers in the annals of pony history. She pulled her still-wet mane into a low ponytail and tugged on her best vest. It was made of black leather with a v-cut neck and the Equestrian Bureau of Investigation logo seared into the back. She pinned her badge to her left breast.

When she entered the building, two hard-faced security ponies ushered her through the main doors. They proceeded to pat her down and run her through the metal detector. Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and endured all the poking and prodding until they were satisfied. Finally, they asked the purpose of her business. “I am here to see Pinkamena Diane Pie.” Dash told the ponies, her voice serious.

“Are you bucking crazy, lady?” the slate-grey stallion barked, taken-aback. He was an older pony with deep lines etched into his face, but he still looked visibly shaken by the very mention of Pinkamena’s name, the same way Lyra had been in the conference room earlier. Rainbow Dash was intrigued. What kind of mare could strike such fear into everypony she had ever met?

“She doesn’t get too many visitors.” the navy mare explained. She pursed her lips, her giant pink eyes darting around nervously. She was several years younger than her partner, but still a good ten years older than Rainbow Dash. “I can take you there, but I won’t stay. She has her own guards, just for her.” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Agent Dash raised her eyebrows, surprised. She had never heard of a prisoner having her own personal guards before.

The security mare jerked her head in the direction of the nearest corridor and Rainbow Dash followed her down the passage. They walked past several cells and Dash ignored the hoots and hollers of the incarcerated inmates. The navy unicorn stopped in front of a large, metal door.
“This is where I take off.” the security pony said, jumpily. She looked like she was ready to take off running in the opposite direction. The cyan mare found herself getting excited, probably more than she should have been. This was exactly the sort of rush she had been looking for in her life.

“Where is her cell?” Dash inquired, eying the gigantic metal door suspiciously. The navy unicorn laughed derisively. Rainbow Dash frowned at her.

“She’s the only prisoner in this block, kid.” she replied. The security mare concentrated, her horn glowing a soft green and the massive lock on the door began to click and whir as the internal cogs began passing over one another. Finally, there was a loud clack and the door swung forward. “Good luck.” the navy pony whispered, backing away from the door and retreating back down the hallway. Dash gave her a quick nod and puffed her chest out, walking with confidence into the prison wing.

The door slammed shut behind her and re-locked. Dash nearly jumped out of her skin, but quickly regained her composure. She began trotting forward slowly, looking around the passageway, her hooves clacking against the concrete floor. It was a long, straight hallway made of heavy-duty concrete. Looming above Dash, were floating candles that barely lit the dank corridor.

Rainbow Dash approached the end of the cell-block to find another large, bolted door even thicker and more intimidating than the first. Two severe looking stallions flanked the entrance. They glared down at the mare, who flashed them her badge. Neither of them spoke, but instead ignited their horns in unison to activate the door lock.

Agent Dash closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She entered the room and the guards shut the door behind her, clicking the lock shut. She opened her eyes swallowed her gasp. The room was large, divided in half by a clear wall made of what looked like glass, but it was even thicker than the metal door. The half of the room farthest from the door was brightly lit and Rainbow Dash could clearly see its contents. The walls were papered in brightly-colored streamers and paintings of party-themed items like hats and cake. Pushed up against the wall in the far corner was a four-poster bed. It was simple prison issue, but somepony had covered it in a fluffy pink and blue comforter plastered in a festive balloon pattern.

Pinkamena Pie had her back to Rainbow Dash. She had her eyes closed and was singing a melody Rainbow couldn’t hear through the sound-proof wall. The cyan mare trotted up to the clear-divider and seated herself in the single straight-back chair facing the cell. A circular piece had been removed from the wall and replaced with a fitted piece of metal with horizontal slits to create a speaker system, she flicked the switch next to the speakers and the Cupcake Killer’s sugary voice filled her ears.

“Nopony knows, the trouble I’ve seen. Nopony knows, but Celestia…”

Rainbow Dash tapped gently on the divider. Pinkamena turned to see the source of the noise and a smile spread across her face. She hopped up from the ground excitedly and began pushing a large, purple armchair from the back of the cell over to the speaker. The pink earth pony seated herself in it, crossing her hind-legs and staring fixatedly at her guest.

Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but stare at the pony sitting in the giant, cushy armchair. The mare sitting before her looked nothing like Dash had expected. Pinkamena Diane Pie was a small, earth pony the same shade of pink as a tulip in bloom. Her mane was long and poker-straight, save for a few stray curls encasing her pleasantly round face. She was dressed in a pristine, white shirt that nearly swallowed her. The sleeves on her forelegs were so long, they covered her hooves. Straps and metal-hooks lined the seams on her waist. It took Dash a moment to realize she was wearing a straight-jacket.

“Why hello, and who do we have here?” the pink earth pony asked in a pleasant voice and Dash felt a chill run down her spine. Rainbow Dash was unsure how such a seemingly-sweet mare could be foreboding, but she was. Pinkamena looked into her eyes and suddenly the cyan pegasus understood what Lyra had been so afraid of. Pinkamena Pie had huge, blue eyes as cold as ice. They flickered in the bright lights of her cell, like a lightning storm was taking place behind the irises. “Are you from the EBI?” she inquired pleasantly.

“Y—yes.” Dash stammered, struggling to keep her cool. “I’m Agent Rainbow Dash.” she showed Pinkamena her badge. The pink earth pony leaned forward to read the name and badge number, humming quietly.

“Daashiiie” Pinkamena sang, letting her name roll off her tongue like the lyrics to an unknown melody. She tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear and leaned back in her chair, smiling even wider. “I like it.” she stated, giggling. Dash felt her cheeks redden slightly and she fought the urge to cover her face with her hooves. Was the infamous Cupcake Killer, murderer of seventeen ponies, flirting with her?

“So, you said you had some information for us on the Horn Hawker case?” Dash asked, trying to change the subject back to the task at hoof. She shuffled through her saddlebag, digging out a copy of the case file. She began paging through the documents, extracting the victim photographs and laying them out next to one another on the flat metal desk-like surface on her side of the divider. Rainbow Dash angled the pictures so that Pinkamena could see them clearly through the divider.

“I do.” Pinkamena mused, running her hoof gently across the glass in lazy circles. Dash noticed the way her eyes seemed to light up when she saw the photos of the crime scenes. She looked up from the photographs and locked eyes with the cyan mare, a soft smile playing around the corners of her lips.

“What is it?” Rainbow Dash asked. Her voice cracked slightly and she attempted to ignore it. The rose-maned mare winked at her and the agent felt an uncomfortable stirring in her stomach. She was beginning to lose her composure. Pinkamena Pie was playing with her, toying with her like one of her many victims in her famed “party palace” beneath the bakery. Dash absolutely hated being treated like a fool. She glowered at the earth pony.

“Where did you grow up?” Pinkamena Pie inquired in her squeaky voice. Rainbow Dash was unsure if she had misheard her or was choosing to ignore the agent’s question entirely. The pink mare focused her haunting gaze on the pegasus and she felt her heart twist in her chest. Dash was admittedly taken aback, Pinkamena had switched gears so quickly it had thrown her for a loop. The cyan mare sat in silence for a few seconds, unsure how to respond to such a seemingly innocuous question. She couldn’t help but think the cotton-candy colored pony was rather random.

It was getting on her nerves.

“What does that have to do with the Horn Hawker?” Rainbow Dash asked, angrily. She crossed her forelegs over her chest indignantly, glaring at Pinkamena Pie suspiciously. The cyan pegasus had a feeling the other mare was up to something with her supposedly meaningless questions. Serial killer or no, Dash loathed being played by anypony. The pink-maned earth pony proceeded to smile at her innocently, laughing softly, which only served to infuriate Dash more.

“I want to know everything about you, Dashie.” Pinkamena said, her mellifluous voice teasing Rainbow Dash. “I will trade my information on the Hawker for some information on you.” She promised, giggling. Her laugh was high-pitched, a pleasant tinkling noise that sounded more musical than maniacal and another chill ran down Rainbow’s spine. However, this one was unlike the first, instead of settling in the pit of her stomach this chill chose to settle a little further south. Dash frowned. Whenever Pinkamena used that playful nickname, she became both infuriated and intrigued, filled with a feeling that both pleased and sickened her.

“Cloudsdale,” Agent Dash mumbled, swallowing her mixed emotions. She had no idea how she was letting this mare get to her so easily. Rainbow Dash bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood. She needed to focus. She was going to show this pony, serial killer or no, the intense, radical, and awesome mare that she knew herself to be.

“Ooh, are you a good flier?” Pinkamena questioned, delighted.

“THE BEST!” Dash yelled insistently, before she could stop herself. She nearly hopped from her chair in her excitement before she realized what she was doing and forced herself back into her seat, blushing ferociously. Pinkamena laughed again, though this time it was a much throatier sound. The cyan mare looked up through her multi-colored bangs and locked eyes with the serial killer for a second time. She was surprised to find that the pink pony’s once cold eyes had gone from an icy-blue to a vibrant shade of azure, the same shade as the sky, glittering like crystals in the bright lights.

“I knew it!” Pinkamena Pie squealed, bouncing in her chair like a filly who had consumed too much sugar. It was as if somepony had flipped a switch inside the pink earth pony’s brain. Her personality had completely changed in what seemed like an instant. She seemed almost normal, albeit a tad hyper and Rainbow Dash was astonished by this side of her personality. It seemed as if the Cupcake Killer whirled through emotions faster than a runaway cyclone and the pegasus was uncertain whether or not she found this intriguing or terrifying.

“Why did you join the EBI?” the rose-hued mare inquired, her voice seductive. She leaned forward so that her mouth was close to the speaker, her voice caressing the airways. Suddenly, it was as if Pinkamena’s voice was surrounding Rainbow Dash, consuming her very soul and filling her with an emotion she could not put a name to.

Out of habit, the cyan pegasus parroted the words she had been taught since her first day at the academy before she could even think about it, even if they were blatant lies. “I want to protect and serve Equestria” the agent fibbed, fluttering her wings in nervous habit. In a split-second, Pinkamena’s effervescent attitude vanished and Rainbow Dash was face-to-face with the Cupcake Killer. Her gaze turned cold enough to freeze lava and she observed the other mare with an expression that Dash could only describe as murderous.

“Do not lie to me.” Pinkamena snapped, angrily. Her voice was chillier than the dead of winter and Rainbow Dash thought her heart might stop. The pink pony’s brow furrowed deeply as she glared at the other mare and Dash felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. She desperately fought the urge to throw-up. “Tell me the truth and I’ll forgive you. I don’t like liars, Dashie.” the cotton-candy colored earth pony spoke quietly, but sternly and Rainbow Dash felt as if somepony had just dumped a bucket of ice water over her head. She gulped, nodding.

Not a single newspaper, television report, radio interview, or criminology textbook in all of Equestria had done this mare justice. Pinkamena Diane Pie was one hundred thousand more times more fearsome than any beast one might come across in the Everfree Forest. Manticores and Ursa Majors be damned, this bright-pink earth pony was the true messenger of Hell.

“I wanted an exciting life.” Dash admitted, lowering her gaze. The spectrum-maned pegasus rubbed the back of her neck with her hoof and licked her bottom lip. She was a little embarrassed to admit her true motives for joining the Bureau to anypony, especially somepony like Pinkamena Diane Pie.

The rose-maned earth pony smiled evilly, all feelings of ill-will were forgotten in an instant. “I think I can arrange that.” Pinkamena purred, twirling the end of her mane around her hoof. Dash flushed involuntarily. The cotton-candy colored mare tapped the tip of her hoof against the photo of each victim’s face in turn. “These ponies all have something in common.” she informed her, smiling sweetly.

“Yeah, they’re unicorns.” Dash frowned, pouting slightly. “We already knew that.” the cyan pegasus pointed out. She glanced at the upside-down faces of the victims then re-focused her gaze on the caged mare, who shook her head.

“You need to look closer, my little agent.” Pinkamena teased, running the tip of her hoof across the slates in the speakers. Rainbow Dash furrowed her eyebrows in concentration. The pink pony was messing with her again and she had never been very good with riddles. The cyan pegasus gave the other mare an imploring look, but she simply smiled and tossed her mane. “These ponies were marked from the beginning. The end result isn’t very sweet.” Pinkamena Pie said, playfully before laughing out loud.

Rainbow Dash glared at her, hopping up from her chair. “What the buck is that supposed to mean?” she demanded, slamming her fore-hooves down on the metal surface angrily. Pinkamena jumped slightly at the noise, but her sickeningly sweet grin never wavered. The cyan pegasus wanted to tear through the divider and rip it off her face.

“These ponies were marked from the beginning. The end result isn’t very sweet.” the earth pony repeated, giggling psychotically. Her giant, baby-blue eyes glimmered with wicked glee as she tried desperately to stifle her laughter behind her hooves, smiling up at the furious agent through rose-colored bangs.

The cyan pegasus let out a frustrated moan, stamping her hooves on the ground furiously. “If you don’t want to tell me, fine!” Rainbow Dash huffed, “This was such a waste of time!” she shouted, grabbing her saddlebag from the floor and collecting the case file with one dramatic sweep of her fore-leg. She hefted the bag over her shoulder and stamped towards the exit, pounding loudly on the door until one of the unicorn guards opened it for her. She pushed past him angrily.

“Come back and visit soon, Dashie!” Pinkamena called after her. “I—”

One of the guards flipped off the speaker system with a quick burst of magic and Rainbow Dash did not even bother to turn around as the large door of the cell slammed behind her.

Author's Note

Alternate-Universe. Silence of the Lambs Parody. Agent Rainbow Dash of the EBI is investigating a string of grisly murders in Equestria and needs the help of the infamous “Cupcake Killer” Pinkamena Diane Pie. [Rainbow/Pinkie]

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

Dun. Dun. Dun.

Now we find out who the Horn Hawker is (sort of) and we get to see what became of Rarity. Poor dear, she’s in such a dingy place. It’s the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING! *throws self onto chaise lounge*

I must apologize to anyone who is not a fan of lesbian ponies, but I am a bisexual-brony woman and I will write as I please. I am sure there are plenty of non-homosexual pony stories for you to read so there is no need to be a poopy-pony about mine. Also, I purposefully made Rarity the victim so I could throw in Rarity/Applejack because it is my favorite pony-pairing. :)

This is the first chapter where you will meet Pinkamena. She’s a card. In the Silence books, they often talk about Hannibal’s teeth, which is why I emphasize Pinkie’s eyes. This is also because I believe the eyes are the window to the soul and I truly see death in the eyes of a killer. Pinkie Pie’s eyes are blue and I imagine Pinkamena’s being that dead icy blue like Charlie Manson or Rasputin. She is really difficult to write, because I wanted her to seem scary and intimidating, but still retain a little of that “Pinkie” charm that she used to lure ponies to their doom as the Cupcake Killer. My apologies if it isn’t the best, I promise it will get better as the story goes on.

PS. Did anyone figure out who Doctor Whooves’ second-wife is? I bet you didn’t! Nah, I am sure you did. I’ll just tell you anyway. It’s DERPY! Yay!

WARNINGS: This is a grim-dark story. There is a gratuitous amount of violence, gore, and death. There are also lesbian pairings. Please keep your silly negative comments to yourself. I will not hesitate to block/report you.

PAIRINGS: Rainbow/Pinkie

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic © Lauren Faust & Hasbro
Fanfiction © Courtney Dracon (LuffyKun3695)

Occam's Razor

“Hush Now”

Chapter Four: Occam’s Razor

“Daaaaashiiieee!” she drew out her name, a long note in perfect pitch caressing her ears, a sensual melody just for two. Her soft, pink mane fell onto Rainbow Dash’s face as she pressed her lips against hers, planting her hoofs on either side of her face, pinning the cyan pegasus down.

Dash arched her back to meet the cotton-candy colored mare’s embrace, but she was pushed back into the fluffy clouds below her back. She wondered momentarily how her lover could be on a cloud with her, since she was an earth pony, but quickly dismissed the thought when the other mare’s tongue began to trace the outline of her jaw, trailing down her neck and towards her aching sex.

The pegasus mare bit back a moan when the playful earth pony began probing her sugar walls with a deft tongue. The pink mare traced the outline of her nether lips with the very tip of her tongue, lapping up traces of her lust before pressing forcibly into the folds. Rainbow Dash squealed. She wiggled her ass in delight, trying to gain even a little more access to the other mare’s talented tongue.

The rose-maned earth pony gripped her hips with her hooves, keeping her in place, and nipped at her button, suckling it gently. Rainbow clenched her eyes shut as she neared the pinnacle. She threw her head back, letting out a guttural moan and grinding her fore-hooves into the clouds below her. As the last shuddering moments of her orgasm ceased, Dash felt the ghost of a smile on her lover’s lips.

Pinkamena rested her head on Rainbow Dash’s pelvis and the cyan mare looked down to find her lover gazing up at her with dewy baby-blue eyes.“Did you enjoy that, Dashie?” she asked, smiling playfully. The pegasus flushed and nodded.

“V—very much.” she laughed, wiping the sweat from her forehead. Dash grinned at Pinkamena. The pink mare beamed at her, her round cheeks glowing.

“Why are you lying, Dashie?” she asked. The rose-hued earth pony’s voice was so saccharine sweet it sounded as if one would need a shot of insulin after hearing it. Rainbow Dash felt a familiar cold shiver run through her body and she propped herself up on her fore-legs, peering down at Pinkamena nervously.

“I—I’m not. That was awesome.” she reassured her, stuttering without meaning to. The cloud felt suddenly cold beneath her, black and filled with rain and rumbling thunder. Pinkamena frowned, her eyes turning icy and cold.

“I hate liars.” Pinkamena growled, frostily. The sky behind the cotton-candy mare began to turn dark and ominous, the clouds angry and swirling with electricity. She crawled up Rainbow Dash’s shivering body, pinning her to the nimbus and whispering into her ear, “They’re marked.” she murmured, “The end result certainly isn’t sweet.” she ran her tongue down the cyan pegasus’ neck.

Pinkamena Pie looked directly into Dash’s eyes. Her bright blue eyes had turned blood-red, glinting like rubies in pitch-black sockets.“Visit soon, Dashie!” she sang, only it wasn’t her voice. It was an unearthly screech, nails against a chalkboard that made the sky behind her crack with lightning. The mare leaned over the shaking pegasus, opening her mouth to reveal a gaping hole filled with rows and rows of razor sharp teeth…

Rainbow Dash awoke with a start.

Sitting bolt-upright in her bed, the rainbow-maned pegasus discovered that she was covered head-to-hoof in a cold sweat. The cyan mare looked around frantically, her heart beating in her ears. She was in her apartment. She was alone. She exhaled slowly, relieved, and wrapped her forelegs around her quaking body, squeezing tightly.

She pushed herself up and got out of bed. The pegasus trotted shakily towards the adjacent bathroom. Dash flipped the switch on the wall and light flooded the small room, bouncing off the peach tiles. She walked past the mirror without looking and reached her hoof underneath the dark-brown shower curtain, turning the nozzle and adjusting the gauge until the nozzle reached the appropriate temperature.

When steam began filling the small bathroom, the cyan mare pulled up the shower curtain, ducking beneath it, and was greeted with a cascade of steaming hot water striking her aching back and wings. She turned around, allowing the stream to hit her directly in the face and letting out a long, tortured sigh.

What the buck was that dream?

Pinkamena Pie’s sultry smile filled the space behind her eyelids and Rainbow Dash felt an unwanted tingle in the area below her tail. She growled, reaching for the shampoo and pumping a generous amount into her hoof. She lathered up her mane, trying desperately to scrub the image from her brain.

Dash finished her shower and toweled off. She brushed her teeth and dried her mane, pulling it into a low ponytail to keep it out of her way. Tossing her towel in the sink, she trotted out into her bedroom to get dressed. After she finished puling her navy EBI sweatshirt over her head , Rainbow Dash tugged her comforter over top her crumpled sheets. She proceeded to declare her bed made and exited the master bedroom, venturing out into the main part of her flat.

Her apartment was small, but spacious. It was located in the heart of Canterlot, on the sixth floor of a large apartment building. She had put down the security deposit with her first paycheck as an EBI Agent. Her building was about thirty minutes away from the Equestrian Bureau of Investigation by chariot, but it only took Rainbow Dash about two minutes to fly to work.

Dash walked into the kitchenette and the sweet scent of coffee filled her nose. Thank Celestia for automatic coffee makers! Rainbow thought to herself as she retrieved a travel-mug from the cabinet. She placed it on the counter and gripped the handle of the pot in her mouth. Dash poured herself a cup of steaming liquid sustenance and replaced the pot on the burner. Clutching the mug in her hooves, the mare seated herself at the teeny kitchen table.

After her Rainbow Dash had left the penitentiary the previous day, she had returned to the EBI Headquarters to find everypony waiting for her with bated breath. Not a single one of them had been able to eat, sleep, or work properly in her absence; too on edge to even use the bathroom. Agent Dash delivered the message the Cupcake Killer had given her, conveniently leaving out the details about the flirtatious comments she had received and the near-psychotic mood swings she witnessed while in the presence of Pinkamena Pie.

The entire team was stumped.

They sat in the conference room for four hours, tossing ideas around with no results until they couldn’t stand the sight of one another. Finally, Special Agent Twilight Sparkle slammed her hooves down on the table in exasperation and shouted at them all to go home.

The violet unicorn said that the team was burned out and if they were going to be of any use for the remainder of this case, they needed rest. She advised them to return to their respective places of residence and get some sleep in real beds and partake in actual food, rather than doughnuts and take-out. Twilight reminded them, particularly Applejack, that the Horn Hawker rarely disposed of his victims in two days and Rarity would be fine for one night.

Rainbow Dash sipped at her coffee and stared at the bowl of apples on the table without taking one. She glanced at the clock and noticing the time, pushed herself up from the table travel mug in hoof, the cyan pegasus trotted over to the counter and checked the coffee machine to make sure that it was turned off. She exited the kitchen, grabbing her saddlebag from the spot on the floor where she had discarded it the night before and headed out the door.

0 -

When Pinkamena Diane Pie was first arrested three years prior, she was shipped directly to the Belmont Psychiatric Facility for intense observation. The Cupcake Killer was then housed in the most secure room in the building, completely isolated, and monitored twenty-four hours a day by the medical staff.

Over the course of the next few months, Pinkamena was interviewed by several of the best minds in Equestria. A team of forensic psychologists spearheaded the interrogations, headed by a genius professor with years of experience studying serial killers, Doctor Shallow Graves. The team also included two young Bureau agents by the names of Lyra and Cheerilee.

The interviews bared no fruit. While Pinkamena Pie had no qualms discussing her many crimes in horrific detail, nopony could find the cause behind them. The pink mare pleasantly described each and every victim and the torture she had put them through with sickening detail, shaking even hardened investigators to the core. Yet, not a single one of them could even get her to hint as to why she had committed such atrocities. Whenever she was asked, she would simply smile and reply, “Their number came up.” and leave it at that.

The killer found enjoyment in wreaking havoc around the facility whenever she could. When she took a particular liking to one of the nurses, a unicorn named Cotton Swab. She spent much of her time torturing the mare whenever she was on duty. Pinkamena would make her intricate valentines and whisper inappropriate things into her ear whenever she was being restrained until the young unicorn could no longer take it and quit. The cotton-candy earth pony also enjoyed toying with her fellow patients as well as the orderlies, telling them terrible jokes and breaking out in impromptu, morbid songs.

It was on the day of Doctor Shallow Graves sixty-third birthday that Pinkamena Pie escaped from her cell.

The hospital was put into lockdown immediately, but the frivolous murderer was nowhere to be found. Later, when Doctor Graves entered his office, he was assaulted with a spray of brightly colored confetti and screams of surprise. The elderly donkey had heart problems most of his life and the shock rendered by the festivities planned by the pink earth pony were far too much for his weak heart to handle. He collapsed on the spot.

When the staff finally found Pinkamena Pie, she was still in the office of the deceased psychologist. The entire room was elaborately decorated for a celebration. Being unable to access her usual party supplies, the earth pony had improvised. She had spent hours coloring long strips of paper with crayons to make streamers and confetti. The mare had created a “cake” from a huge pile of chocolate chip cookies piled into a pyramid, created from deserts she had saved from her meals over the last few weeks. The rose-hued pony had not let the death of the guest of honor deter her, propping up the body of the dead donkey and proceeding to party with him anyway. When the staff members arrived, Pinkamena brightly encouraged them to join in the fun and asked if they would take her picture with the birthday boy.

The sight itself was so terrifying that many members of the staff ended up being forced into treatment themselves, others filed for transfer by the end of the work day. Pinkamena Diane Pie was deemed incurable and sent directly to the Appaloosa National Prison the next morning.

0 -

Agent Rainbow Dash entered the cluster of desks crammed in the center of the crowded offices, tossing her saddlebag onto her desk and flopping back into her chair. She glanced around the bull-pen, noticing that she was the only member of the team currently present. The cyan pegasus took a long, contemplative sip of her coffee and looked around the cluster of desks. The office was already bustling with activity. Agents rushed back and forth into the surrounding offices, screaming into phone receivers, and scribbling out hurried lines on mountains of paperwork.

Despite the fact that she was working on a case of homicide, Agent Rainbow Dash was technically still a member of the Foreign Affairs Division of the EBI and the department shared their offices with the branch of the Bureau that handled white collar crime. Caramel had previously worked as a detective in the White Collar Division prior to his appointment on the Hawker investigation.

“Hey Dash,” a light twang she was growing accustomed to snapped to attention. She looked up to find Applejack perched on the edge of her desk, a piece of apple strudel balanced precariously on her knee. “Wanna bite?” she offered the pastry to the cyan mare, who shook her head. “Suit yerself.” the flaxen-maned pony smiled, taking a large bite of strudel and chewing slowly. The other mare observed Rainbow Dash quietly for a few moments before swallowing the mouthful of food and commenting, “What’s up? Ya’all look like hell.”

Agent Dash flashed the orange earth pony a sarcastic grin, “Thanks for the sentiment, but we can’t all be as beautiful as your fillyfriend.” she quipped, flipping her multi-colored mane in an imitation of what she imagined was a feminine manner. Applejack laughed, taking another bite of her pastry and shaking her head.

“Yeah, she’s a bit like that.” the straw-maned mare admitted, smiling to herself. “But Ah think that’s the same reason Ah love ‘er.” Applejack noted. She gazed down at the strudel in her hooves, lost in her own thoughts. Her eyes began to moisten and the orange pony shook her head roughly, rubbing her eyes quickly and refocusing her attention on the spectrum-maned pegasus. “Seriously, what’s eatin’ ya, sugarcube?” Applejack asked, “You look way too tired for somepony who supposedly got eight ours a sleep last night.” she gestured to the dark circles underneath the cyan mare’s mauve eyes.

Dash contemplated whether or not she should tell her the truth about the dreams. Obviously, Applejack was a fillyfooler so she doubted that the knowledge that Rainbow also preferred the company of mares would be much of a shock. What really worried her was attempting to explain that the mare consuming her fantasies was a sociopath and cannibalistic killer. The pegasus bit her lip. “Well—”

“Hello, Chief Applejack. Dash.”

Mercifully, Rainbow Dash’s thoughts were cut short by the genial voice of another agent. She silently thanked Celestia for the interruption as Applejack hopped off her desk and turned to greet the new arrival. Caramel trotted over towards the two mares, looking decidedly more rested than the last time Dash had seen him. The friendly stallion nodded to the others and faced the cyan mare, “How are you holding up after meeting with the Cupcake Killer?” he asked, “Special Agent Twilight was really worried about you.” he confessed, a concerned expression crossing his amiable features.

The spectrum-maned pegasus gave him a tired smile and waved her hoof dismissively, eschewing the questions. “I’m fine. Stop, both of you. I’m way too awesome to be one-upped by Pinkamena Pie. Seriously!” Agent Dash reassured her fellow agents, flexing her forelegs to show off the impressively toned muscles. The other two exchanged looks of slight amusement. “Twilight is just over-thinking. Typical egghead.” the cyan mare stated, matter-of-factly.

“Well, that’s good.” Caramel smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes which still held concern. “Hey, have either of you managed to come up with any answers to the riddle that the Cupcake Killer gave us? I don’t have any.” the golden stallion sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Those ponies were marked from the beginning.” Pinkamena’s voice cooed into Rainbow Dash’s ear. Her hoof traveled down the front of the mare’s chest, inching dangerously closer to the cyan pegasus’ most intimate of places. She squirmed underneath her touch. “The end result isn’t very sweet.” As images of the cotton-candy shaded earth pony filled Rainbow Dash’s mind, she became consumed in her own daydreams; trapped inside her thoughts until Applejack’s irritated voice drew her back to reality.

“That bucking bitch!” Applejack seethed, stamping her hoof on the floor in frustration. “Why did she tell us she had a lead an’ make Dash go all the way down there if she was just gonna give us some crazy riddle?!” the orange mare fumed, speaking to nopony in particular. “She’s just bucking with us while Rarity’s life is at stake! Ah oughtta skin her hide!”

“Those ponies were marked from the beginning.”

Like the first strike of a match against the side of the box, a spark ignited in Rainbow Dash’s brain. One thought quickly connected to the next, like a mental wildfire spreading through her psyche until the entirety of her brain was consumed in a blaze of comprehension. “What did you just say?” she asked, furrowing her brow and fixing her gaze on the flaxen-maned pony.

Applejack gave her a weird look, pursing her lips. “Ah said Ah ougghta skin her hide.” the earth pony repeated, more calmly. The cyan pegasus allowed the words to sink in a second time. She sat in silence for a few moments, focusing on the statement. Suddenly, it hit her like a ton of bricks.

“The end result isn’t very sweet.”

“Oh. My. Celestia!” Rainbow Dash yelped, shooting out of her seat and nearly knocking her coffee to the ground. Caramel and Applejack gawked at her. “Call everypony and tell them to get their asses down here and meet up in the conference room!” the cyan pegasus demanded, “I need to check on something, but I think I figured it out!” Dash shouted, fluttering her wings excitedly. She kicked off the ground and flew out the bull-pen at top speed. Startling everypony as she zoomed past, nothing but a cyan blur knocking items off the surrounding desks and sending papers flying to form a cyclone that swirled angrily in her wake.

0 -

Rarity mewled weakly when the light reached her sore eyes. She tried to shield them from the intense glow, to no avail. Slowly, her tired cornea began to adjust to the brightness and she finally managed to get a good look at her surroundings.

The ivory unicorn was trapped in a deep, circular pit dug at least twelve feet into the ground. The walls were paneled with alternating gray brick, like a well. The floor was made of concrete and icy cold beneath her quaking hooves. A pile of moldy hay sat sadly in the corner next to the bucket she had kicked aside earlier. Her big, sapphire eyes welled up with new tears, leaking down her face.

“Wake up, love! It’s time for the show!” the loud, charismatic voice drew her gaze upward to the mouth of the pit. Suddenly, there was a gigantic burst of color and glitter, pinwheels swirling through the air, firecrackers exploding into life. Rarity backed into the farthest corner, away from the display. Her horn was beginning to ache painfully, she tried to ignore it.

“W—who are you?” she managed to stutter. Her terror made the alabaster mare feel sick to her stomach, but she swallowed it down. Applejack would be brave. Rarity had to be brave for her. The dainty unicorn planted her hooves on the ground, steadying herself. She waited patiently to see the face of her captor.

A bellowing laugh filled the room, followed closely by another garish display of sparkles and lightning. A plume of purple and blue smoke suddenly erupted from the edge of the well and began to drift over the ground, some floating down into the pit. A shadowy figure emerged from the fog and Rarity recognized the pony immediately as the one from the parking lot of the club. With one fell swoop, the mysterious pony cleared the smoke and revealed herself.

“Me? I’m the Great and Powerful TRIXIE!” the mare bellowed, loud and boastful. She was a pompous looking mare with an average face and delicate periwinkle coat. Her mane was wavy and silver, falling casually over one deep violet eye. The unicorn had dressed herself in an elaborate velvet cape, pale purple and covered in a pattern of stars. A matching wizard’s cap was perched jauntily upon her head. However, despite her looks, she was deformed. Her horn was curved under like a hook, hanging forward menacingly.

Rarity gulped.

0 -

Agent Rainbow Dash rushed through security at the Appaloosa National Prison for the second time in two days, ignoring the terrified looks of the security ponies as she demanded to see the Cupcake Killer. When they hesitated, she forcibly marched the frazzled guards towards the entrance of the cell-bock that housed Pinkamena Pie, making the navy unicorn open the locks for her.

The cyan pegasus flew past the bewildered guards and down the dark corridor at top speed. She practically crashed into the massive metal door at the end of the hall. Dash threw her badge at the stallions safeguarding the entrance and waited expectantly. The stoic ponies barely blinked at the erratic mare, igniting their horns and swinging the door open. The mare marched past them with purpose, into the gigantic cage that housed the psychotic pink earth pony.

The moment she saw Rainbow Dash, Pinkamena Pie’s eyes lit up brighter than a one thousand watt bulb. She rushed over to the microphone as fast as she could, nearly tripping over herself in the process. The roseate mare hopped excitedly in place until the other pony reached the speakers and flipped them on. “Dashie!” she cried, “You came to see me again! I missed you!” she squealed, clapping her hooves together in delight.

Rainbow said nothing, forcing her face to stay blank. However, there was a certain piece of her that agreed with the sentiment. For some reason, she found it rather soothing to see the cotton-candy colored pony again and she hadn’t the slightest inkling as to why.

“I think I figured it out, but I want you to tell me if I’m right.” the pegasus said matter-of-factly, seating herself in the straight-backed chair and placing her hooves on the metal table. Pinkamena grinned stupidly, cocking her head to the side, some of her mane falling onto her face. Suddenly, a piece of her dream flashed across her eyes and Rainbow Dash felt her cheeks flush.

“What’s your worst memory?” Pinkamena Pie asked, her smile never faltering. The spectrum-maned mare frowned at the bright-pink pony sitting across from her. She was still unfamiliar with the haphazard nature of the frivolous killer. Agent Dash scratched the size of her snout awkwardly and thought about her reply.

“Huh?” the pegasus asked, stupidly. She knew she sounded much dimmer than she was and despite her thinking up a witty response in her head, it always seemed to be lost somewhere between her brain and her mouth. Dash truly hated the way that Pinkamena Pie could simply change the entire flow of a conversation with a few well placed words, using as little effort to throw the EBI Agent off as it took to tuck a stray piece of her rose-colored mane behind her perfect little ears.

“I want to know your worst memory.” Pinkamena repeated coolly, “Then I will tell you if your hunch is right.” the cotton-candy earth pony chortled, looking positively giddy as she arranged herself in her giant armchair, drawing her hind-legs up to her face and sitting her chin on them, awaiting Rainbow Dash’s tale like a filly listening to a bedtime story.

“Okay,” Rainbow whispered. The memory flashed vividly before her eyes as she told her story to Pinkamena, each word painting the setting in more detail inside the walls of her brain, taking her back to that terrible day.

It was a calm day nearly ten years ago and Rainbow Dash was still in her first year of training at flight school in Cloudsdale. The cyan pegasus was the top of her class. Fast and efficient, some even called her a prodigy. Her teachers loved her and her fellow students admired her. Life was good.

The day started out normally, with the students attending boring classes that discussed weather patterns and flight trajectory before they finally got out onto the field to stretch their wings. Dash had never been one for book-work, but her extreme efficiency in her practical classes made up for anything lacking in her academics.

The spectrum-maned filly zoomed and twirled through the obstacles with ease, earning the appreciative comments of a few classmates. Rainbow completed her warm-ups and settled on one of the surrounding clouds, trotting over to one of the tables to get a drink of water. “You’re so awesome, Dash!” a lilac pegasus shrieked, fluttering up beside her and doing a mid-air summersault in enthusiasm.

The other filly was smaller and more feminine than Rainbow Dash, with a silky blonde mane and cloud-shaped cutie mark on her slender flank. “Thanks, Cloud Kicker.” the cyan pegasus nodded, tossing back the contents of the paper cup in one gulp and crushing it beneath her hoof. “You’re sweet.” Dash winked at her classmate, who swooned before taking off again.

“STUDENTS! COME OVER HERE!” the booming voice of their teacher carried over the clouds and drew the attention of the students. The young ponies flitted back to the giant, fluffy cumulous at the beginning of the obstacle course and settled in front of their professor. Nimbus Strike was a sturdy pegasus with a coat the color of an angry storm cloud and eyes the same shade as honey. A large lightning-bolt shaped cutie mark adorned his muscular flank. He wore a whistle around his neck so that he could tweet directions at the little pegasi, though his thunderous voice was more than enough. “We have a special guest today!” he bellowed, “Ms. Spitfire, the newest addition to the Wonderbolts, is here to observe today’s lesson!”

There was a collective gasp, followed by squealing and excited chatter. Spitfire had been a student at the Flight Academy only a few years before them. She was in her early teens when she had been drafted by Equestria’s greatest flying team, the Wonderbolts. The mare was a legend amongst the students and Rainbow Dash’s idol.

Abruptly, a flash of orange and red dove out of the clouds like a heat-seeking missile, lying directly towards the students. Spitfire zoomed downward, creating a stream of air in her wake, pulling upward at the very last second before she collided with the ground and fluttering delicately down onto the cloud. The young pegasi gasped in admiration and clapped their hooves.

“Hey everypony!” the bright-orange mare grinned. She was dressed in the signature uniform of the Wonderbolts, a skin-tight navy catsuit that clung to her curves in a near-erotic way. She had pulled the hood off her head to reveal her face and pushed up her aviator goggles so that her glistening bronze eyes were visible, “I’m Spitfire and I’m sure you’ve heard of me.” the sunny pegasus bragged, tossing her fiery mane. “I am here to see how you ponies are doing with your training, maybe see if one of you has what it takes to be a Bolt.”

Rainbow Dash squealed, hopping on her hind-legs and fluttering her wings, barely able to contain her excitement. She wanted show off. Badly. As if echoing her inner-sentiments Cloud Kicker placed her hoof on her shoulder. “You should go, Dash!” the lilac filly cooed, “You’re the best!” she said, pushing her forcefully. Rainbow stumbled forward, falling at Spitfire’s hooves.

Spitfire peered down her snout at the cyan filly and smirked, “What’s your name, kid?” she asked.

Dash pushed herself up, shaking her mane into place and smiling up at her idol with as much pride as she could muster given such an embarrassing introduction. “I’m Rainbow Dash!” she told her, flapping her wings
.
The fiery-maned pegasus sneered, her coppery eyes glinting with a maliciousness that made the young mare feel uneasy. “So you’re the so-called prodigy?” she inquired, her voice a predatory purr. “Let me see what you can do.”

It was no secret that Rainbow Dash loved to fly. She adored how the wind felt beneath her wings. She enjoyed the feel of the breeze surrounding her, engulfing her. She felt in control. Dash also loved to show off. She took pleasure in putting her talents on display whenever possible and being praised for her efforts. Yet, in this moment as Spitfire stared down at her with eyes as cold as night she felt a foreboding dread at the thought of taking to the skies.

She gulped.

The tiny pegasus trotted to the edge of the cloud and bent her knees, kicking off with as much strength as she could muster. The instant that Rainbow Dash was in the air, she felt as if everything she had ever learned in classes suddenly fell out of her brain. Every natural instinct she had been blessed with suddenly vanished in a split-second, rendering her useless. Dash’s wing caught an air current and she crashed into one of the metal hoops.

Attempting to ignore the pain, the cyan pegasus steadied herself and returned to the course. She recovered her speed and began rushing towards the next goal, but the crash had thrown her coordination off and she spiraled into a stray storm cloud.

Trapped in the rage of a cumulonimbus, Rainbow Dash flapped uselessly against the head-wind until she managed to pull herself out of the gale. She was soaked through her coat to the bone, making her heavy and unable to regain her speed. The filly miscalculated the trajectory of the floating slalom at the end of the course and smashed head-long into one of the giant poles. She cascaded downward, colliding into the cloud below at the hooves of her waiting classmates.

The class was painfully silent as Rainbow Dash strained to get back on her hooves, beaten and sopping wet. She turned to face Spitfire, bruised and shamefaced. The sun-colored mare bit her lip in what seemed like an act of humility, until her cheeks turned red and puffed outward. Suddenly, she burst out laughing, slapping her hoof against the ground. “THIS is the prodigy I was told about?” she snorted, “The one they thought could join the Bolts? Pssh! Don’t quit your day job, kid!” the coppery-eyed mare snickered.

As if on cue, the rest of the class joined Spitfire, laughing mercilessly and taunting the little filly until she finally broke down and cried. Cloud Kicker cantered forward and Dash looked at her pleadingly, tear-filled eyes begging for a savior from the torment. However, the lilac filly screwed up her face and blew a raspberry at the cyan pegasus before trotting over to the fiery-maned Wonderbolt and singing her praises.

Rainbow Dash tore out of the school.

When she finished her story she realized that she had been crying. Dash hastily wiped the tears from her eyes and looked up into the face of the Cupcake Killer to find the convicted murderer crying freely, her gigantic baby-blue eyes glistening with tears. Rainbow Dash was taken aback to say the least.

“That is SO sad, Dashie!” Pinkamena wailed, erupting into fresh sobs. The spectrum-maned pegasus gawked at her, entirely uncertain as to how to soothe the sobbing killer. Finally, the pink party pony began to calm down, letting out a few quiet hiccups. She dabbed her face with the long, white sleeve of her straitjacket and blew her nose into the cuff with a loud, honking sound. “You know,” she harrumphed, “It’s really too bad that little miss meany-weenie Spitfire’s number didn’t come up. I would have given her one heck of a party!” Pinkamena snarled.

Agent Dash fought to keep her cheeks from flushing, but she couldn’t help but feeling slightly flattered. She had never told anyone about the “Wonderbolt Incident” from her fillyhood and it felt good to get it off her chest. The cyan pegasus had no clue as to why, but she appreciate that the cotton-candy colored earth pony was on her side. “Can you tell me if I am right, now?” Dash prodded, hoping to steer the ever-distracted murderer back onto the task at hoof.

Pinkamena Pie glanced up at her and smiled deeply, “What do you think it is, Dashie?” she inquired pleasantly, her voice so sugary she could have supplied an entire bakery for a year.

“Their cutie marks, right?” Dash asked, “Their cutie marks have something in common.” the pegasus gnawed the inside of her cheek and prayed to Celestia that she was correct. The roseate mare bit her lip and tried to keep her smile from spreading. She started to jitter in her chair excitedly, almost as if she had consumed too much caffeine in a short amount of time. Suddenly, she hopped up and stood on the seat of her chair, clapping her hooves together in delight.

“She’s right! She’s right! Dashie is right!” Pinkamena squealed, joyfully. Abruptly, she broke into an impromptu can-can and began twirling her long sleeves like sparklers. “Dashie is riiiight. She’s the best of the best, better than the rest! The smartest of the smart! The agent with all the inteeeeliiigeeenncceee!” the excitable earth pony sang, doing a little boogie and shaking her hips. Rainbow Dash watched her in utter shock. When Pinkamena completed her song, she flopped back into her armchair and grinned at the cyan mare.

“Erm… yay?” Dash said, hoping that the inflection at the end of her sentence didn’t show how utterly confused she was by this entire situation. The rose-maned leaned forward in her plushy chair so that her nose was centimeters from the divider, grinning at Rainbow Dash mischievously.

“Totally yay, Dashie!” the maniacal earth pony cooed, sending familiar shivers down the cyan mare’s spine. “I have a lot of confidence in your ability. Go back to the EBI and tell everypony what you’ve learned. I think you’ve got a big break coming in your case!” she confessed, licking her bottom lip seductively. “Come back and visit me soon though, okay?”

Author's Note

Alternate-Universe. Silence of the Lambs Parody. Agent Rainbow Dash of the EBI is investigating a string of grisly murders in Equestria and needs the help of the infamous “Cupcake Killer” Pinkamena Diane Pie. [Rainbow/Pinkie]

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

So, the plot thickens. Pinkamena Pie’s little “clues” begin to make sense and somepony owes a serial killer a little apology. It’s okay, Agent Dash! You’re definitely her favorite, I’m sure she’ll forgive you!

I am not surprised that many ponies figured out who the Horn Hawker was, I arranged it that way. I wanted it to be a secret for about three chapters (like the first third of Silence of the Lambs before you [the reader] realizes it is Jame Gumb long before Clarice Starling and the rest of the FBI. I think that knowing makes it a little more fun because you get some time to figure out the motives behind their crimes. :)

I changed the character up a little from canon so that they had a reason for killing. I mean, their physical appearance. Well, you will see. I hope that nopony minds. ;)

Yeah, I threw a little FlutterMac in the last chapter for fun. I enjoy that pairing. It is one of the few heterosexual pony-pairings I happen to like, so I thought “Eh, why not?” and made a little shout-out. Give Fluttershy some lovin’ too, right?

Again, I apologize if Pinkamena wasn’t exactly up to snuff in the previous chapter. She is hopefully improving as I go on. I always take constructive criticism and work to make this better if you’re willing to give it. Flames however, are ignored while I run around going “MEOW!”

Eh-hem, ANYWHOODLES! The beginning of this chapter, as listed below in bold is sexual. It actually means something to the plot but I understand that pony-sex is not for everypony so you can easily skip over the italic section. I should probably warn everypony that while I have never written (clop) before, I write a hell of a lot of lemon. Heck, I prefer writing smut to writing normal fanfiction. Yay perverts! :D

CHAPTER WARNING: THE BEGINNING OF THIS CHAPTER HAS A GRAPHIC (SEXUAL) SCENE. IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH CLOP-SCENES AND/OR LESBIAN SEX, PLEASE SKIP THE ITALICS.

WARNINGS: This is a grim-dark story. There is a gratuitous amount of violence, gore, and death. There are also lesbian pairings. Please keep your silly negative comments to yourself. I will not hesitate to block/report you.

PAIRINGS: Rainbow/Pinkie, Rarity/Applejack, Fluttershy/Macintosh

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic © Lauren Faust & Hasbro
FanFiction © Courtney Dracon (LuffyKun3695)

Avarice

“Hush Now”

Chapter Five: Avarice

Once upon a time, there was a young earth pony couple. They were a simple and hard-working pair, not wanting for much beside the modest roof over their heads and enough food to feed them both. After a few years of trying to expand their family, the couple was blessed with a beautiful unicorn filly. She had a pale silver mane that glittered in the light and a soft and a periwinkle coat that felt like down beneath their hooves.

Unfortunately, their precious daughter was deformed. Her horn was curved under like hook, giving her a malevolent appearance. Unsure of how to handle the situation, the bewildered parents traveled to Canterlot with their filly in tow, in search of somepony who could give them guidance on how to handle their peculiar situation.

Every doctor that met with the frazzled parents was flummoxed by the abnormal deformity, unsure of what tactic to employ to remedy the infant’s issues. The physicians hypothesized that if they removed her horn entirely and replaced it with a false one for aesthetic purposes, it would most likely compromise her future magical ability and they were hesitant to leave a unicorn hornless.

Eventually, the overwhelmed parents convened a conference with the alicorn princesses themselves, begging their trusted leaders for guidance. After observing the young filly, a grim-faced Princess Celestia explained that the only way to keep the magic of the child was to allow her to live with the horn she had been born with. The parents were saddened, but understood that separating a unicorn from her horn was akin to cutting off a limb and could not bear to harm their child in such a fashion. They could not imagine a life in which their precious daughter, who could feel a strong magical connection with the earth that all horned-equestrians shared, would be unable to utilize it. She would be a flightless pegasus, trapped on the ground and staring at her peers above. They could not bear the thought.

The couple thanked the alicorn princess for their help and returned home to raise their child as best they could manage, showering her with endless praise and love. The adoring parents doted on their daughter, telling her what a wonderful and talented mare she would grow up to be.

It turned out that her parents were not too far off, when the silver-maned filly began showing an aptitude for magic that none had expected from her. She was clever, quick-witted, and had a talent for illusionary magic that dazzled those around her. She became a bit of a show-off. She adored hearing the praises of those around her, accustomed to it due to her parents’ constant veneration. She wanted to be famous and showcase her talents for the world to see.

The periwinkle filly soon became well-aware that she did not look like the other unicorns around her and this made ponies give her the types of looks she did not like, not ones of respect and admiration, but rather fear and often disgust. Despite her parents’ reassurance, the child began wearing large, flashy hats that hid her horn from sight.

It was not until she entered Magic School that she had her first real taste of the type of exclusion awarded to one simply for looking different from everypony else. Her magical abilities, long admired by the schoolteachers in the small town she lived in had earned her a recommendation to an exclusive School of Magic in Canterlot. Unfortunately, it was a private school that required all of its students to live on campus and because she was there on scholarship rather than because of her parents’ money, she could not afford a private room.

She had managed to keep her malformed horn a secret through kindergarten and most of grade school by wearing flashy hats and scarves that hid her deformity entirely. However, she did not sleep in these items and she could remove them in the safety of her own home without worrying about the probing stares of those around her.

For the first few months, she managed to hide her issues from her roommate, stringing up an elaborate canopy around her school-issued bed and waking up early to get ready and showering in the dead of night when nopony else was in the bathroom. Unfortunately, the ruse did not last for more than a few months. During a practical exam, she pushed herself a little too hard so that she could impress her peers, releasing a burst of magic that shredded her hat into confetti and left her standing in front of her class, naked and exposed. The abuse began shortly after.

Thus, the young unicorn filly, once so full of hope for the future, became a hollow shell of her former self. Her aspirations of fame and glory crushed, she withdrew into her own self-hatred and stewed endlessly in agony. It felt that no matter her accomplishments, nopony took notice, too preoccupied with her looks to actually notice her talent. She became cold and distant. She hated everypony.

She rationalized that things would be different if she looked like everypony else, but her parents had told her that cosmetic surgery of the horn would end her magical abilities. Unconvinced, the ambitious mare took to the Canterlot library and began what would amount to years of research on the subject.

Finally, she came across a practice that would allow one pony to receive the horn of another without compromising the receiving party’s magical ability. It was a black magic, banned for centuries by the alicorn princesses. In the past, it had been used during times of war using captured prisoners as guinea pigs to save the lives and magical abilities of wounded Equestrians. It was all very simple, really. She wondered why she hadn’t considered it before.

All you needed was a living host…

0 –

When Rainbow Dash arrived back at the Equestrian Bureau of Investigation, she found her fellow agents waiting for her in the conference room and they were not as happy to see her as Pinkamena Pie had been.

“This had better be good, Dash.” Agent Heartstrings spat, golden eyes flashing with annoyance.

Dash didn’t miss a beat, “Oh, it’s definitely good.” she reassured her, parading toward the front of the room and arranging herself behind Twilight’s podium, much to the unicorn’s obvious chagrin. “I just got back from Appaloosa National Prison. I had another visit with Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie.” Dash announced, grinning slyly. She was met with a collective gasp and the cyan mare did not bother to hide her obvious pride, puffing out her chest in satisfaction. Not only had she managed to brave a meeting with the Cupcake Killer twice, but she had come back with valuable information. She was beyond awesome.

Expecting veneration and praise for her bravery and initiative, Rainbow Dash was sorely disappointed when Twilight Sparkle rose to her hooves in anger. “What where you thinking, Agent Dash?” the bespectacled unicorn asked, exasperatedly. “I did not authorize this interaction. What if something had happened to you?” the special agent inquired, her voice squeaking uncomfortably in her distress.

Refusing to be deterred by what she considered unfounded criticisms, the cocksure pegasus waved off the senior agent’s disapproval and flashed her a winning smile. “Don’t be such a worrywart, Twi!” Dash laughed, shrugging her shoulders and placing her fore-hooves on the podium. “The fact is, I managed to figure out the riddle and I went to the prison to confirm it.” the mare explicated, smirking and flipping her rainbow-colored mane with a swift flick of her neck. The team glanced at one another, their astonishment evident in their expressions. Twilight Sparkle drifted slowly down into her seat, her eyes wide behind her glasses.

“What did you find out?” the dual-maned unicorn asked flatly, giving Rainbow Dash a skeptical look. The pegasus beamed at the plum-colored mare, her rose-shaded irises glittering with an excitement she could no longer contain. Deciphering Pinkamena’s clue had given the haggard Rainbow Dash a much needed confidence boost. Combined with the encouragement of the cotton-candy serial killer herself, the pegasus was walking on air. She could not help but draw out her answer, basking in the other ponies hanging on her every word.

“Those ponies were marked.” the cyan mare drawled, quoting the psychotic murderer’s riddle. “The end result isn’t very sweet.” she nearly sang the rest but stopped herself, fearing that perhaps Pinkamena Pie was rubbing off on her. Rainbow Dash turned back to the others, leaning on the podium nonchalantly, as if decoding the twisted musings of convicted felons was something she did every day. “Marks. Sweet. Cutie marks.” the spectrum-maned mare stated matter-of-factly, leaning forward over the podium and smiling coolly at her teammates. She leaned back and crossed her fore-legs over her chest, waiting for the inevitable praise she felt she so rightly deserved.

The room was silent for a moment while the other ponies processed her statement. Suddenly, conversation erupted around the room like wildfire ripping through a forest. When her long overdue admiration did not come, Rainbow Dash pouted and stepped down from the podium, trotting towards the end of the table and plopping into the empty seat next to Fluttershy. She leaned back in her chair, lacing her forelegs behind her head and observing the scene, unable to keep the smile off her face for too long.

“Well, that certainly makes sense.” Applejack mused in her heavy, Appaloosean burr. She ran the tip of her hoof across the rim of her hat and took a sip of the coffee sitting in front of her. Blowing a wisp of her flaxen-mane from her eyes she began shuffling through the giant stack of papers she had brought with her to the meeting, extracting a copy of the case file and flipping it open. Applejack slid her hoof across a stack of pictures, spreading them out like one would cards in a poker game. The orange earth pony began examining the pictures of the victims, her brow furrowing in concentration.

Caramel slapped his forehead in irritation, “That’s so obvious, why didn’t any of us get it?” the azure-eyed earth pony moaned, covering his eyes in his fore-hooves in aggravation.

“I think we complicated things unnecessarily.” Doctor Whooves offered, “We were so caught up in trying to figure out the deeper meaning behind the Cupcake Killer’s riddle we forgot that the simplest solution is often the correct one.” the cream-colored stallion noted, patting the younger male on the back. Caramel looked over at Doctor, pursing his lips in consideration for a few moments before nodding in agreement.

“Isn’t that called Odom’s Laser?” he asked.

“Actually, it’s Occam’s Razor.” Twilight Sparkle corrected him immediately, instinctually drawing upon the enormous amount of innocuous facts she had amassed over the years she had spent voraciously consuming thousands of texts in the Royal Library in Canterlot. Caramel blushed at his mistake, averting his eyes from his superior. Twilight gave him a strange look, almost as if she had not realized that she had spoken to correct him, spitting out information like a machine.

“Who gives a buck about somepony’s toiletries?” Lyra snapped, running her hoof through her snowy mane in frustration, leaving her usually perfectly coifed bangs sticking up at an odd angle. “We have work to do, like figuring out what these cutie marks have in common.” the sea-green unicorn reminded them, slapping her hoof against the piles of photographs on the table.

“Well, ” Cheerilee piped up, her huge bottle-green eyes glimmering like chips of emerald against her mauve coat. “If you recall, our first victim was named Bitter Sweet. She was a paralegal in Canterlot.” she noted cheerfully. The jolly psychologist placed her hoof on a picture of a shy looking mare with a deep chocolate-colored coat and a vibrant mane that was a mix of neon blue and lime green.

“I remember her,” Fluttershy whispered, looking down at her own case file and tugging out the picture of Bitter Sweet, which was worn around the edges, like she had taken it out many times before. “She didn’t have anypony. No family. No coltfriend. We didn’t know who to notify.” the bubblegum-maned pegasus murmured sadly. She patted the picture softly, tears welling in the corners of her soft, aquamarine eyes. “I paid for her funeral.” she admitted.

Rainbow Dash turned to the yellow mare at her side, gazing at her with newfound admiration. Fluttershy was such a gentle soul. The cyan mare rarely considered what happened to the victims after the coroner took them. That mare must have been sitting in cold storage for at least a month with nopony to release the body to, scheduled to be buried in a nondescript pine-box when Fluttershy intervened and put forth her own money to give her a proper burial. She had a feeling that the shy pegasus was not the type to forgo a headstone. Agent Dash bit her lip and reached out to clumsily pat the other mare’s shoulder.

“Her cutie mark looks like the dial on a safe.” a scratchy voice drew the attention of the agents. They turned towards the end of the table where the young purple dragon met their gaze. Spike rarely spoke during meetings, if he was present at all. He was usually far too busy taking complicated notes for Twilight’s meticulous files or off performing some other errand for the particular pony. Spike’s voice was high and awkward sounding, like a colt going through puberty. Twilight Sparkle had informed Dash in the past that he was a baby dragon and his size as well as his voice would mature as he grew older.

Spike turned his laptop around to face the team. On the screen was a photo of the sewer drain in Manehatten where Bitter Sweet’s body had been discovered. He had zoomed in on the victim’s flank and enhanced the resolution on the picture so that the victim’s cutie mark was clearly visible. He tapped the edge of the screen with one of his pointed nails, “It’s one of those old fashioned dials for a safe, see?”

The agents leaned in closer, studying the image diligently. He was right. “Wow! That’s really awesome, Spike!” Caramel exclaimed, “Do you think that you could do that with everypony?” he asked, eagerly. “We don’t have great pictures of all the victims.”

Spike grinned mischievously, twirling a slick, black USB cord in his chubby fingers. “I’ll see what I can do.”

0 –

Two hours later, Spike had managed to produce eight clear images of the victim’s flanks, which he had arranged in chronological order and displayed via Special Agent Twilight Sparkle’s projector on the screen on the far wall.

“Let’s go over the victims one more time.” Twilight insisted, magically removing her glasses and cleaning them with a rag before replacing them back on the end of her snout. She was met with a collective groan from the other agents. She responded with a strict glare.

“Come on Twilight, we’ve gone over this like a million times!” Rainbow Dash moaned, throwing her forelegs across the table dramatically. Twilight was unimpressed, dismissing the other mare with a quick toss of her dual-colored mane. Dash glowered at her, pouting like a filly denied dessert for not finishing her vegetables.

“Then let’s make it a million and one.” the purple unicorn said, tapping her stack of papers on the edge of the table compulsively, checking to make sure the edges were even before placing them in a neat pile on the table and addressing the other ponies, “Let’s start from the beginning.” she suggested, glancing at her case file. “Bitter Sweet was the paralegal in Canterlot. She was single with no obvious connections to anypony. She disappeared leaving the law offices of Coltstein, Colstein, and Swine for lunch around twelve and resurfaced four weeks later in a sewer drain in Manehatten. Her cutie mark resembles the dial of a safe.” the plum-colored unicorn rattled off the facts without taking a breath.

“The second victim was a mare named Jubilee.” Doctor Whooves noted, picking up where Twilight Sparkle left off. He gestured to the display on the wall, indicating the second photograph, which featured the flank of a beautiful unicorn mare with a periwinkle-colored coat and wavy white-blonde mane. “She was a debutant in Manehatten, who went missing after abandoning a party thrown by her parents when she had a fight with her coltfriend. She was discovered in a riverbed near Fillydelphia.” the birch-maned stallion stated, stroking his chin as he spoke. “Her cutie mark was a pearl necklace.”

“After that was Amethyst Shimmer, the jeweler in Fillydelphia.” Cheerilee said, her voice far too cheerful. “He was taken from his shop in the city and disposed of in a Las Pegasus landfill.” the ever-exuberant psychologist reminded them, giggling inappropriately. She drew lazy circles with her hoof over a photo of the violet stallion. “His cutie mark was a fancy set of glasses, I think they’re jeweler’s lenses.” the maroon earth pony observed, pointing to the golden spectacles that adorned the unicorn’s hearty flank.

“The fourth v—victim was another stallion, Kill Joy.” Fluttershy stammered, clutching a photograph in her hooves. She lay the picture on the table, revealing a stallion with a coat as red as fresh blood and a shaggy blue-black mane that fell over piercing green eyes. “He was a male str—stripper in Las Pegasus who disappeared after his set at the Moldy Pony and was later discovered dismembered in a pile of refuse outside a Ponyville bakery. His cutie mark was a pile of bits.”

“Ah remember that case runnin’ across mah desk.” Applejack mused in her characteristic twang, glancing at the piles of photographs on the table, stripped from everypony’s case files and tossed haphazardly across the table. She tugged out one of the ones featuring a shy-looking mare with a primrose colored coat and a chestnut mane that nearly reached her hooves. “About three weeks after we realized it was the Hawker an’ turned it over to the feds, a mare named Silver Lace up n’ disappeared while walkin’ her dog near the Everfree Forest, turned up two weeks later in a scrap heap in Oatland.” the orange earth pony cringed at the memory, taking a calming sip of coffee before continuing. “She was in antiques, high quality stuff too. Had a silver coin on her flank.”

“The sixth case was a stallion named Golden Medallion,” Lyra muttered in her husky voice, picking up a coffee-stained photograph of an overweight stallion with a marigold coat and pale green mane. “He worked in Oatland as an accountant. He never came home from work and when his wife went to his office she found it torn apart,” the sea-green unicorn said angrily, “He was barely missing three days before he ended up in a shallow grave in Kensington. His cutie mark was a checkbook.”

“The seventh victim was Midnight Sun. She was a bank teller in Kensington.” Rainbow Dash said, her voice cracking slightly as images of the badly beaten mare filled her head. This particular case still irked her for some reason. “Midnight disappeared when she was leaving her job and showed up three months later in Canterlot dumpster.” Agent Dash recited the case file from memory, glancing towards the photos projected on the far wall. Even without her entire body in the frame, Rainbow Dash recognized the flank of the maroon unicorn with the lovely red and orange sunset-colored mane. “She was the victim he kept the longest.” the cyan mare mumbled, “Her cutie mark was one of those weird egghead calculators, the ones ponies used before we had digital ones.”

“An abacus,” Twilight Sparkle corrected her, sighing. “And of course, the eighth victim is Miss Rarity,” she added, “She is a dressmaker and the personal confidant of Princess Luna. Rarity is currently dating our own Chief Applejack. She went missing after an argument with her fillyfriend at the Mare-E-Go-Round two nights ago in Canterlot and is presumed alive. Her cutie mark is three diamonds.” the studious mare noted, glancing at the slide on the wall. “So,” she finished, closing her case file and looking at the other agents expectantly. “What do these ponies have in common?”

Everypony looked down at their respective case files.

“Uh,” Applejack mumbled, shuffling through the piles of photographs on the table. “Ah hate to be the one to bring this up, but has anypony noticed how attractive all of the victims are?” she asked, blushing slightly and looking around at the other agents. Everypony paused for a moment and then began going through the pictures themselves, scrutinizing the victims. When they had initially come across them, they had been so brutalized it had been difficult to recognize them as ponies at all, but now that Applejack had pointed it out it seemed so obvious.

“Oh my Celestia, you’re right! They’re hot!” Caramel gasped, waving his picture of Silver Lace at the others. “How did I not realize this before?” he wondered aloud, grasping at the photograph of the pale pink mare with eager hooves. Lyra snatched it away from him and gave him a disapproving look.

“You’re right, Chief Applejack.” Fluttershy agreed, ignoring Caramel and Lyra and observing her photos closely. “All of these ponies had a high level of esthetic consciousness. If you look closely, you can see how much each one cared for their outward appearance.” she pointed out, “Not a single hair out of place. Especially their horns, they all have beautiful horns.” the yellow pegasus stated, looking up at the others.

“That has to be part of why the Hawker chose them,” Rainbow Dash said, nearly hopping up and down in her seat in excitement. After all of these months they were finally getting somewhere with the case. “He wouldn’t want a shoddy horn.” she insisted, pointing to her own horn-less forehead.

“That certainly makes sense, but how do their cutie marks relate to it? The Cupcake Killer’s riddle was about cutie marks.” Twilight reminded them, indicating the photographs projected on the screen. “We have a bunch of attractive unicorns being abducted. Why?” the purple mare asked, the lines in her forehead deepening as she stared fixedly at the slides on the wall.

“Let’s look at their marital statuses one more time.” Doctor Whooves suggested, “Maybe we missed a pattern.” the cream-colored stallion said, flipping through his case file and muttering to himself. Rainbow Dash liked to watch the gears in his giant egghead brain turn when he spoke.

“Single. Dating. Married. Single. Married. Single. Dating.” Cheerilee sang, interrupting Doctor’s thought process. Dash twitched unintentionally when the mauve mare sang as images of the cotton-candy pink psychopath filled her. Her cheeks flushed involuntarily and she rubbed her cheeks as if trying to wipe the blush from them like rogue. Why was she even thinking about Pinkamena at a time like this?

“Well that’s a dead end,” Lyra sniped, tossing her case file over her shoulder. It crashed into the wall, sending papers fluttering into the air like pieces of confetti. “This is so bucking frustrating! I don’t see a connection between these cutie marks! They’re all different!”

“You know, I feel like cutie marks can have more than one meaning.” Fluttershy said, tucking a strand of her bubblegum-mane behind her ear. “They’re more than just your special talent. They can also represent who you are as a pony.” the others looked at her quizzically and she baulked, flushing a deep crimson. “W—what I mean is… well, look at somepony like Princess Celestia. She has a sun on her flank. I know she has a talent for raising the sun, but I feel like it also represents her as the guiding light of Equestria.” the timid pegasus stammered, looking down at the table rather than at the other agents and blushing in embarrassment. The others paused in shock unable to consider Fluttershy’s words immediately because none of them had actually ever heard her say so much at one time. Finally, they began to contemplate what she was saying and slowly the dots began to connect.

“That makes a lot of sense, Agent Fluttershy.” Twilight said, smiling at the other mare gently. Fluttershy returned the smile with just a hint of pride, twirling the ends of her mane around hr hoof awkwardly and dropping her gaze from her superior’s face. “For example, if we look at Bitter Sweet, we see that she specialized in the secrecy required to work on law cases. She also was a very solitary pony.”

Rainbow Dash patted an embarrassed Fluttershy on the back encouragingly, causing the fragile mare to wince from the strength of the gesture. The cyan pegasus smiled sheepishly in apology, then tried to re-focus her thoughts on the case in a meager attempt to push any remaining thoughts of the Cupcake Killer from her mind. She flipped through her case file and looked from the photos of the victims’ faces in her hooves up at the cutie marks reflected on the far wall. She glared at the pictures in silence, her own thoughts drowning out the chatter of those around her. Finally, she set down her photographs and spoke, “What about money?” she asked. The other agents turned to face her.

“Money?” Caramel inquired, looking up at the line of cutie marks on the wall and back at Rainbow Dash quizzically.

“All of the victims cutie marks have something to do with money, if you really think about it.” Rainbow Dash said, pursing her lips. “A safe holds money. Pearls are expensive. Glasses that examine jewelry. A big freaking pile of money. A fancy coin. A checkbook. An egghead calculator and diamonds?” she listed them, checking them off with her hooves. The others nodded slowly.

“Now that Ah think about it,” Applejack said, propping her cheek on her hoof and gazing at the projector with unfocused eyes. “Everypony had jobs that involved something that other ponies might think was greedy in some way, like monetarily-minded?” she pointed out, running her hoof across the brim of her hat again. The other agents looked at her strangely and she sat up, puffing out her cheeks angrily, “What? Ah can’t use big words too?” she asked, her voice irritated. The other ponies remained silent. “Ah ain’t stupid, ya know.” Applejack whined, pouting and turning away from her fellow agents.

Special Agent Twilight Sparkle smiled in mild amusement, “Chief Applejack makes a point,” she said, magically lifting a quill off the table and jotting down some notes in the open case file in front of her. “Bitter Sweet worked with three lawyers, which would already rub many ponies the wrong way, add on the fact that her firm was notorious for accepting wealthy clientele and you have a recipe for disaster. Jubilee did not have a job per se, but she was the daughter of a very affluent couple and never wanted for anything. Amethyst Shimmer was a high-class jeweler.” the plum-colored mare stated, scribbling down a few more notes as she spoke. “Kill Joy did not have a high paying job, being a stripper, but his entire line of work is centered on money and tips. Both Gold Medallion and Midnight Sun worked in banks while Rarity and Silver Lace had careers in high-paying industries like fashion and antiquities.” the studious mare twirled the pen magically before tucking it behind her ear and turning to face the other ponies. “I think the Horn Hawker has a fixation with being rich.”

Suddenly, a loud ringing filled the room and the agents looked towards the speaker-phone in the middle of the table. Spike leaned across the conference table and pressed the speaker button, a booming voice filled the room. “Hey party ponies, what’s shakin’?” Red Secret’s husky voice filled the room and despite the previous tension in the room, Rainbow Dash could not stop herself from smiling when she heard the crime-scene investigator’s playful banter. “Is my darling Dash there?”

“I’m here, Red.” Dash said loudly, leaning over the table and speaking directly into the phone’s speaker. “Do you have some information for us?” she asked and was greeted with the deep-throated chuckle of the tomato-red stallion on the other end of the line.

“Of course, mi amore.” he reassured her, clucking his tongue. “If I had called without any, I am sure that Agent Heartstrings would have murdered me.” he laughed and the other agents looked at Lyra, who smirked in a fashion that did nothing to dispel their fears that she might actually have done it. “Why don’t you come down to the lab and I’ll show you. It’s probably better if you see. Plus, I miss my Dash! Come visit!” Red Secret cooed, clicking the phone off. A dial-tone filled the room and Spike flipped the telephone off. The other agents glanced in her direction and Dash rolled her eyes, but her stomach once again dropped into her hooves as she heard Pinkamena’s voice singing to her in her head, “Come back soon, Dashie!”

Rainbow Dash pushed herself up, “I’ll go see the boys in the lab.” she asked, tossing her spectrum-colored mane and starting for the door. She stopped and turned to the other agents “Anypony want to come with?” she asked, watching as both Applejack and Fluttershy stood up to join her.

“Ah’ll come,” Applejack said, trotting towards the door and standing beside the cyan pegasus. “I want to make sure Rarity wasn’t drugged.” she frowned, her emerald eyes flashing with unexpressed worry.

Fluttershy shuffled up to the other two mares, her face hidden beneath her bubblegum-colored mane. “I—I hope you don’t mind my tagging along. I wanted to speak with the entomologist.” the timid pegasus apologized, looking up through her lengthy lashes ruefully. Rainbow Dash shrugged and she smiled, delighted.

“Is it cool with you, Twi?” the confidant mare asked, gesturing towards her two companions. Her superior nodded curtly, brushing aside the piles of photographs and checking a few notes on one of her many notepads.

“Yes, why don’t the three of you go down to the lab and talk to the crime-scene investigators and the entomologist.” the violet unicorn agreed, her red spectacles sliding down the bridge of her snout as she searched her impeccable scribbles. “Meanwhile, Agents Heartstrings and Caramel will take a second look into the financials of the victims. If the Hawker is interested in money, I want to know why.” she directed, not taking her eyes from the papers in front of her as the two ponies nodded at her wordlessly, standing up from the table and walking past the others and out of the room. She turned towards the mauve psychiatrist, “Agent Cheerilee?” Twilight asked, receiving one of the pink-maned mare’s signature smiles. “I would like you to do another psych-eval of the victims, taking into account their monetary related careers and the dual-meanings of their cutie marks. Please do this as quickly as possible.”

“Right-o!” the exuberant mare responded cheerfully, collecting her papers and skipping from the room with far too much enthusiasm for somepony who had seen as much death as she. The ponies blocking the door moved out of her way entirely.

“Doctor Whooves, would you mind staying here with Spike and myself and looking over something I noticed while we were speaking earlier?” Twilight Sparkle asked, turning towards the cream-colored stallion. Doctor Whooves smiled at the younger pony gently, his sapphire eyes crinkling up in an almost fatherly way.

“You’re the boss, Twilight.” he reminded her, getting up and moving into the chair beside hers. She returned his smile, though hers was much less confident. Spike cracked his knuckles and placed them over his keyboard at the ready.

“Contact me as soon as possible,” the tired-looking special agent reminded the other three mares, looking up at them. Agent Dash winked at her in reassurance and began to push the other two from the conference room, closing the door behind her with a loud click.

0 -

The three mares strode down the dull hallways of the EBI offices towards the elevators at the far end. When they reached the gray, metal doors Rainbow Dash placed her hoof on the down button and all three looked upward, watching the arrows expectantly.

Applejack turned to the shy mare on her left, smiling mischievously. “So Fluttershy, Ah hear mah brother asked you out to dinner?” she giggled evilly, in a fashion that only suited younger siblings. Fluttershy gasped, nearly jumping out of her skin. Rainbow Dash turned towards them, watching the display with interest.

“I—I am so sorry. Is that alright? Is it alright that I said I would go? I am so sorry.” the yellow pegasus stammered, jiggling her legs in agitation and looking everywhere but at the orange mare in front of her. Rainbow Dash and Applejack looked at one another over the display, both fighting back the urge to burst out laughing.

“Settle down, sugarcube.” the flaxen-maned earth pony said reassuringly, patting the spastic pegasus on the head with her hoof. Fluttershy looked up at her with wet eyes and once again, Applejack found herself trying not to giggle at the obvious overreaction of the adorably sensitive mare. She could not deny there was a part of her that wanted to keep messing with her, but she really didn’t like to lie. She was terrible at it in fact, even in jest. “Ah’m fine with it. Ah think it’s cute. Promise.” she said, making a cross over her heart.

Almost as if on cue, there was the pleasant ding of the elevator opening its doors. The three shuffled into the empty cab and Dash leaned forward to hit the button with the large L next to it. The doors closed immediately and the elevator jerked into life, beginning its decent into the bowls of the building.

Author's Note

Alternate-Universe. Silence of the Lambs Parody. Agent Rainbow Dash of the EBI is investigating a string of grisly murders in Equestria and needs the help of the infamous “Cupcake Killer” Pinkamena Diane Pie. [Rainbow/Pinkie]

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

So, the Horn Hawker has been revealed! Bum Bum. Bum. This chapter has a little insight into the motivations and history of the Hawker though sadly, no Pinkamena in this chapter. It focuses primarily on the team and actual investigating and is more “intellectual” than the last, which is why it took longer.

So, a lot of this chapter is going to involve boring discussion coming to conclusions. If you can’t deal with that, sorry but that’s how crime novels work! They can’t all be magic and lesbian pony sex scenes. I worked a long time on this chapter to make sure that every victim had a proper name, look, and back story so please give me some credit for that.

I wrote Rainbow Dash a little more smugly at the beginning of this chapter, and I know she comes off a little bitchy. This is because I did not want Dashie to lose that over-confident aspect of herself simply because she had taken the place of Clarice Starling in this little drama. I think that Rainbow Dash’s self-assured attitude and her tendency to exaggerate her own abilities is both her greatest gift and biggest flaw. It makes her character and I like mixing it in.

Some people have asked me about the “Belmont Psychiatric Facility” and I want to clear things up. This was not a reference to any television show or book. It was actually my attempt at a pony-related joke, as was Appaloosa National Prison. There is a very famous psychiatric hospital in New York named Bellevue and Belmont is a horse-racing track. Lol. The Appaloosa National Prison is meant to be “Attica” in the same state. It’s just a silly play on words that I am obviously terrible at and I apologize. XD

I am also sorry for the long-delay. I have just gone back to college! For those of you who do not know, I had to take three semesters off due to illness and I am so glad to finally be back. I am trying to get that feel for school again though, ya know? So forgive me for infrequent posts.

WARNINGS: This is a grim-dark story. There is a gratuitous amount of violence, gore, and death. There are also lesbian pairings. Please keep your silly negative comments to yourself. I will not hesitate to block/report you.

PAIRINGS: Rainbow/Pinkie, Rarity/Applejack, Fluttershy/Macintosh

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic © Lauren Faust & Hasbro
FanFiction © Courtney Dracon (Luffy-Kun)

Sprite

“Hush Now”

Chapter Six: Sprite

Rarity sighed deeply, staring down into the seemingly infinite abyss of her martini glass. She was already a little tipsy, and in her foul mood the swirling, emerald-colored alcohol seemed endless. She was sitting alone at the bar in the Mare-E-Go-Round, nursing her third appletini. Her patience was beginning to run thin. She pouted, looking around the club, searching for her fillyfriend and finding nopony of interest. She grumbled to herself, chastising the absent Applejack and taking another dainty sip of her martini.

The bartender, an alternative-looking cream-colored earth pony with short brown hair that covered one of her bright green eyes and multiple piercings, including a silver bar through her eyebrow smiled at her empathetically, “A bit for your thoughts?” she asked, beginning to mix another appletini and sliding it across the counter towards the alabaster unicorn. “It’s on me,” she winked.

Rarity smiled weakly, tossing back the remains of her third drink and gladly accepting a fourth. “My fillyfriend isn’t here yet,” she admitted, blushing slightly and examining her perfectly manicured hooves. “The logical part of me knows that I shouldn’t be upset with her, because she has a demanding job, but so do I and I want to spend some time with her.” the inebriated mare exhaled dejectedly, taking another long sip of her drink before continuing, “I just spent three weeks in Canterlot on a job for Princess Luna and this will be our first night out together since I got back.” she pouted, swirling the toothpick around her martini glass, before using some shaky magic to lift it to her mouth and nibble the apple slice attached to the end. She finished the small slice of fruit, replacing the toothpick in the glass. “She works so much. I wish she would put me first sometimes.” the classy unicorn confessed, turning from the bartender to stare into the crowd, her expression distant.

The shaggy-maned bartender smiled sympathetically, leaning her chin on her hoof. She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off when the other mare shot from her seat like a bullet from a gun, her gaze fixed towards the entrance. She screeched loudly, “What are you wearing?”

Applejack had arrived. The sturdy earth pony entered the club and muscled her way through the crowd towards the bar. The buff, orange mare sauntered over to her fillyfriend. She had dark bags underneath her emerald eyes and her honey-colored mane stuck out in random directions. Her hat and vest were scuffed and covered in dirt. Rarity’s sapphire eyes flashed with anger, her delicate brow furrowing. Applejack pursed her lips, unhappy with her fillyfriend’s unwelcoming reaction, “Ah’m wearin’ mah uniform, sugarcube. Ah came right here after work.” Applejack explained as calmly as she could manage, rubbing her tired eyes with a dirty hoof and leaving a small smudge of dirt on her cheek.

The ivory unicorn opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water, unable to properly articulate herself properly in her drunken haze. “Y— You promised that you would dress nicely for our date! I even put together an outfit for you!” she whined, stamping a dainty hoof on the floor in frustration.

Applejack tried to keep her cool, but her exhaustion made it difficult to deal with her fillyfriend’s drunken hissy fit. She spoke slowly, trying to contain her mounting anger. “Ah don’t see the problem.” she said, her voice icy. The ivory mare’s nostrils flared.

“You wouldn’t!” Rarity scoffed, nearly spitting in her frustration. “You don’t ever take my feelings into account!” she fumed. Usually, Rarity would have avoided making such a public scene, but the toxic combination of three weeks of loneliness, frustration, and the alcohol in her system had heavily affected her ability to control her emotions. A part of her knew she was overreacting, but she couldn’t control herself, “You’re such a brute!” the violet-maned unicorn cried furiously. Applejack opened her mouth to retaliate, but Rarity refused to listen. Spinning on her hoof, the sassy unicorn smacked the orange earth pony in the face with her perfectly coiled tail and stalked towards the exit.

Rarity exited the bar in a huff, ignoring her fillyfriend’s calls.

0 -

Rarity awoke to the unpleasant, slimy feeling of her cheek pressed against the cold, wet stone of the floor in the pit. She struggled to push herself up on weak forelegs. Her entire body was shaking from cold and hunger. She had not eaten anything since breakfast two days ago. The usually posh unicorn’s mane was flat and matted with dirt, slicked to her forehead with sweat. Her make-up had long since faded into nothing, leaving only traces of her mascara present in the dark smudges beneath her eyes, her white fur streaked black from crying.

The pearl-colored unicorn wrapped her forelegs around her quaking form, biting her lower-lip to prevent fresh tears from escaping her eyes. She wished that had Applejack to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright.

Rarity deeply regretted the way she had overreacted at the club. She should have realized that Applejack was tired from work and had an obligation to her job, not just Rarity’s happiness. She sighed miserably, “How could I have been so stupid?” she chastised herself, glaring into the inky blackness that surrounded her. “I’m always throwing a fit over something trivial. How does she put up with me?” the mare whimpered, hugging her body tighter. In the grand scheme of things, the clothing her lover wore was of miniscule importance compared to the time they spent together.

She clenched her eyes shut and exhaled deeply, trying to regain her composure. “Stop this, Rarity.” she ordered herself, massaging her temples with her hooves. “If you ever want to apologize, you have to live through this.” she reminded herself, her inner-voice reflecting her determination. The snow white mare relaxed and released herself.

“Little Miss Rarity, are you awake?”

Rarity’s eyelids fluttered open and she looked up towards the dimly lit opening of the hole. The sneering voice of her captor caused the unicorn’s newfound resolve to shrivel up, a knot forming in her stomach. She clenched her teeth and attempted in vain to recapture the bravery that she had lost.

“Ah,” the periwinkle mare turned on an overhead light, bathing the pit in alien brightness. Immediately, Rarity clenched her eyes shut in pain. “I’m glad you’re awake. The Great and Powerful Trixie has some business she needs to attend to with you.” the smug pony explained in her sing-song voice.

“L—like what?” Rarity asked, rubbing her sore eyes furiously as she spoke. She tried to open her eyes again, the spots dancing across her vision slowly fading away as she became accustomed to the brightness. She returned her gaze to the mouth of the pit.

Trixie was dressed in another garish ensemble. She was wearing an oversized navy sunhat, covered in white swirl-shaped decorations that resembled pipe cleaners and a matching scarf. If this had been any other pony, the gag-worthy outfit would have caused Rarity to have a fashion conniption and insist upon dragging the style-offender back to her boutique for a make-over. However, under the circumstances, the fact that her kidnapper lacked the ability to dress herself properly on further proved to Rarity that she was in fact, evil to the core.

“Oh, nothng so vile. What kind of pony do you take me for?” the unicorn scoffed, tossing her snowy white mane over her shoulder. Rarity bit back the insults that threatened to escape from her and met the other mare’s violet gaze. “Here,” the deformed mage used her magic to lift a bottle and lower it onto the floor next to Rarity. Upon further examination, she realized that it was a bottle of lotion. “Put this on your horn.”

“Absolutely not,” Rarity growled, unable to keep the venom from her voice.

The Great and Powerful Trixie’s violet eyes flashed in anger and her twisted horn began to glow a pale pink, growing brighter until it was nearly blinding. Suddenly, Rarity felt the metal of her headgear begin to heat up rapidly, the spikes digging into the base of her horn like red-hot pokers burrowing into her brain. The pain was more excruciating than anything she had ever felt in her life.

A scream of anguish tore from her throat and she gripped her head, stumbling backward and tripping over the bucket, falling onto the hard floor and bruising her flank. The pain began to intensify and another agonized moan escaped her, tears springing to the corners of her eyes. She could hear her own blood pumping in her head. Her breathing had become labored as she struggled to gasp for air, her mouth dry and tacky. Rarity realized that she was going to die if she didn’t follow Trixie’s orders, “S—Stop!” she begged, coughing. The tortured mare nearly choked on her own tongue as her body began to seize. “Please stop! I—I’ll do it!”

As quickly as the pain had come, it vanished. Rarity was physically exhausted. Every muscle in her body ached as if she had run a marathon. Her horn felt as if somepony had been trying to carve it off with a saw. She managed to lift her head up far enough so that she could look at the periwinkle mare, who was smirking down at her quivering form.

“Put the lotion on your horn or else I’ll do it again!” Trixie spat.

Rarity did not need to be told a second time. She scrawled across the slimy floor of the pit and took the bottle into shaking hooves, struggling to open it. She dolloped some onto her hoof, it smelled of coconuts and pears, the kind of lotion that you would get at fancy spa. With quaking hooves, she rubbed the lotion over her horn. Any hopes of dignity and bravery had been shattered and fresh tears began to fall down her delicate cheeks. “Look how pretty,” Trixie sang, “That horn will look fabulous on the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

Rarity felt her stomach fly to the back of her throat.

Trixie used her magic to recap the bottle and fly it back up to her. “Here, for a good girl.” she scoffed, kicking down a single, molding carrot that was as thin as a pencil. Rarity could feel her mouth water in spite of herself. “I’ll keep you yet.” the periwinkle unicorn laughed to herself as she left the mouth of the pit and started for the stairs, her howls echoing throughout the basement.

The lights shut off and Rarity attacked the carrot without an ounce of daintiness.

0 -

The elevator doors opened onto the gloomy hallways of the basement floor. The lowest floor of the Equestrian Bureau of Investigation housed the facilities employed by the scientific side of criminal investigation, such as the laboratories and the office of the medical examiner. Rainbow Dash gestured towards the others and they followed her down the hallway, past the morgue and towards a large set of doors marked Crime Scene Investigation.

Agent Dash placed a quick knock on the door and called out, “Red Secret!” through the glass. From behind the door, the mares heard an excited squeal, not unlike that of a filly on her first Hearts and Hooves day, quickly followed by a few muffled bangs. The door flew open to reveal the blood-red stallion, nearly fluttering off the ground in his excitement. Red Secret was dressed in a sloppy labcoat that Dash was sure had once been a pristine shade of white, but now resembled a splatter-painting of stains in various shades. His long, lime-colored mane was pulled into a frazzled ponytail that he had tied with a bright pink scrunchie. The dark circles beneath his eyes were an allusion to his lack of sleep. His overall appearance resembled that of a mad scientist.

Upon seeing Rainbow Dash, Red danced excitedly in place, unhindered by the presence of Fluttershy and Applejack. “Dash, my sweet!” the wacky crime scene investigator cooed, stepping aside and beckoning the three mares to enter the laboratory in the fashion of a waiter at a fancy restaurant. “Welcome to my humble abode!” he exclaimed, gesturing grandly around the facilities.

The crime-lab was painted a blinding white and filled from floor to ceiling with metallic equipment. The reflection of the overhead fluorescent lights bounced off of the metal countertops and instruments, penetrating Rainbow Dash’s eyes and burning her retina worse than staring directly into Princess Celestia’s sun. The tabletops were covered in assortment of professional-looking devices such as computers, microscopes, and other scientific gadgetry that the spectrum-maned pegasus had little clue as to the use of, not that she cared to. She was a field agent for a reason, she hated all that egghead stuff.

“Nice digs, Red.” Dash said, smiling at the tomato-colored stallion, who inflated with pride at her compliment.

“Thanks, Dash!” he thundered, grinning with foolish satisfaction. “We’re the most well-equipped crime lab in Equestria. The Crime Scene Investigators really are the most important tool in successful crime solving, even if nopony knows it.” the lime-maned pegasus said, pounding his chest with his hoof proudly. Rainbow Dash returned his smile, but she didn’t really believe the things his was saying, because really, everypony knows that it’s the actual cops who were the real stars of the crime-solving world, but she would let Red think otherwise if it helped bolster his fragile egghead ego.

Meanwhile, Chief Applejack had begun wandering through the lab, looking around her with wide-eyed fascination. The police station in Ponyville did not have nearly anything this expensive, “Wow! This is a real fancy-lookin’ facility ya’all got here.” the orange earth pony noted, enthralled. She prodded one of the microscopes with the tip of her hoof.

“D—Don’t touch t—that!” an angry voice caused Applejack to nearly leap out of her hat.

She spun around in time to see a unicorn mare appear from behind one of the massive computer screens, glaring at her. The other mare’s amethyst eyes were magnified to twice their actual size by the thick lenses in the round, black frames of the glasses that were perched on the end of her snout. She was dressed in the same white labcoat as Red Secret, although hers was immaculate. The pristine white of her labcoat matched her silvery mane, which was cut into a severe pageboy that ended at her chin. Her dark green fur resembled pine-needles and Applejack observed a blue and silver dragonfly cutie mark on her flank when her coat shifted as she approached.

“Beanie, don’t be so mean.” Red Secret chastised the stern mare. Immediately, her attention averted to the crimson stallion and her thick brows furrowed. She gave Red a look that clearly said she was contemplating how to murder him and get away with it. Red Secret ignored her death stare and turned to the agents, “This is our resident lab rat, Bean Sprout. Don’t let her looks fool you, she’s a genius. Not only is she one of our best forensic scientists, but she’s also the EBI’s top entomologist.”

“I—I don’t need any in—introductions, R—Red.” Bean Sprout spat, angrily. She was obviously not a fan of outsiders in her lab, nor the nickname that Red Secret had given her. “W—why are there f—field agents in m—my lab?” the forest-green mare asked, glowering towards the intruders.

“I invited them,” Red Secret told her, crossing his forelegs over his chest. “I like having visitors, Beanie and so should you! You need to get out into the field more, anyway. You can’t spend your whole life holed up in this boring old lab!” the carefree stallion scolded her gently, waving a hoof, dismissively. The studious unicorn’s frown deepened, but she chose to ignore his attack on her character and turned towards the other mares.

“L—look, I don’t know w—what Red told you, but we d—d—don’t usually allow field agents in the lab. E—Especially not without m—my prior knowled—dge.” she explained, coolly. “We ya—usually deliver the evid—dence ourselves o—or via t—telephone. This is an unw—welcome intrusion.” Bean Sprout’s voice was flat and she met their gaze directly. She did not want to offend the mares, but she wanted the rules of her lab understood. It had taken Rainbow Dash a moment to register that Bean Sprout had a speech impediment, since she held herself with an air of authority and spoke with a confidence that rendered her stutter unimportant. If anything, to Rainbow Dash it made her seem more normal and less like an egghead automaton.

Chief Applejack stepped forward, attempting to diffuse the situation before it escalated any further. “We’re truly sorry ta disturb ya, Miss Sprout, but we had some questions ‘bout the Hawker case.” the orange earth pony confessed, smiling sheepishly and politely tipping her hat towards the dour mare. “We wanted ta know the results of the toxicology reports on Miss Rarity’s drinks from the bar an’ Red Secret said he could give ‘em to us.” she explained, nodding towards the tomato-colored pegasus, who was grinning stupidly at his co-worker, still unaware of his error. Bean Sprout shot them both a look of annoyance, but nodded curtly.

“F—fine, just don’t m—make this a habit, alright?” the silver-maned pony asked, releasing a resigned sigh. “R—Red Secret should have those r—results.” she said. On cue, Red Secret took flight, flittering over the metallic tabletops and tugging a piece of paper from one of the many haphazard piles filling the lab. He began to unfold the printout multiple times until it was nearly the size of his body.

“I ran every toxicology report I could think of, but they all came back negative.” the lime-maned pegasus informed them, gliding back over to the mares. He did not bother to take the time to land and chose instead to hover in place as he read the results. “I looked for jasmine and lavender extracts. I checked for rohypnol. Hell, I even looked for poison joke.” Red Secret said, ticking off an invisible checklist with his hoof. He sighed and fluttered over to the agents, holding the massive printout up to them so that they could distinctly see the multi-colored lines and squiggles that clearly meant nothing to any of them. “However, I also did an analysis of the magical residue on the burn marks left at the abduction site. It’s definitely the Hawker’s signature.” Red told them, “He has some seriously high levels of magical power. I haven’t seen anything like it since Special Agent Twilight’s marksmanship exam!”

“What does that mean for us?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well,” Red Secret replied, sliding to the ground and sitting on his tail. He turned the readout around and stared at it with a knitted brow. “Personally, I think that this may be one of the smartest and deadliest criminals that I’ve ever seen.” he admitted, tweaking his lime-green goatee with his hoof. “In fact, he may be stronger than the Cupcake Killer. It’s possible that even if we did find him, we wouldn’t have the magical power capable of capturing him.” Red Secret said, tearing his eyes from the results and looing up to meet Rainbow Dash’s gaze. The cyan mare frowned down at him. While the results were not good, she found it hard to believe that anypony could be as terrifying as Pinkamena Diane Pie.

Bean Sprout stepped forward, pulling the results from Red Secret’s hooves and replacing them on the nearest table. The stallion stared at the empty air for a few moments before getting back up. She turned back to the agents, “D—Did they send th—three of you j—just f—for this information?” Bean Sprout asked, frowning slightly. Sending three agents to get the results of a single printout that could easily have been reiterated over the phone seemed ridiculous. If she was being honest, she wished that Red Secret’s flirtatious obsession with Agent Dash had not invaded her laboratories. It was bad enough that he refused to change their Equestrian Bureau of Investigation promotional calendar from July so that he could stare at her picture for the last four and a half months.

“Actually I wanted to speak with you personally?” Fluttershy mumbled, speaking for the first time since arriving at the crime lab. The yellow pegasus took a shy step towards the mare, smiling weakly. Bean Sprout seemed surprised by her presence. “She certainly fades into the scenery,” the entomologist couldn’t help thinking to herself. “I wanted to learn a little more about the little bug that they found at the crime scene?” the timid, bubblegum-maned mare ended all of her statements with a note of inquiry, as if they were questions. She seemed unsure of her own authority as an agent, looking down at the floor as she spoke. Bean Sprout sighed internally, even she did not have it in her to be pissy with such an innocent-looking creature.

“I s—see,” Bean Sprout replied, giving her a small smile and gesturing over to one of the larger computers. The agents followed hot on her hooves. The pine-shaded mare was unused to being surrounded by ponies she didn’t know and it made her uncomfortable, but she managed to swallow her anxiety. She pressed a few keys and pulled up one of the crime scene photos that Red had taken, the giant screen filling instantly with the image of the silver, winged insect. “I—if I’m b—b—being honest, I have only s—seen th—this insect in b—books and it was so p—pu—pulverized I nearly d—didn’t recognize it. It’s called g—gulosus multiplicamini-spiritus, a parasprite.” the studious mare explained, using a small burst of magic to push her large glasses up her snout.

“T—there’s not much kn—known about them other t—t—than they reprod—duce asexually after massive f—food consumption and c—can be controlled through m—music.” the forest green unicorn explicated, reaching up to tuck a stray piece of her silver mane behind her ear. Rainbow Dash noticed that the entomologist seemed to have more control over her stutter when she was explaining something that pertained to her field, comfort with the subject and the ponies seemed to ease her stammer.

Bean Sprout tapped a few more keys and another photo appeared, this one of a circular-shaped insect with filmy wings and enormous emerald eyes that took up nearly two-thirds of its tiny face. Fluttershy cooed. “What a cutie,” she whispered affectionately.

“T—They’re eviler than th—they look.” Bean Sprout told them, turning to the bashful yellow pegasus at her side and grinning mischievously. She enjoyed the look of shock in the cutsey agent’s huge, aquamarine eyes. “There was an outbreak of p—parasprites a few years ago in P—Ponyville that was stopped by an iconic p—pony.”

“Who?” Rainbow Dash asked, her interest peaked.

0 -

The cotton-candy colored pony smashed her snout against the glass, her giant baby-blue eyes glittering like massive jewels in the eerie light of her prison cell as she waited eagerly for the agent to join her.

Rainbow Dash inhaled deeply, trying to compose herself before facing the infamous serial murderer for the third time. She took her time walking to the rickety, prison-issue folding chair that was sitting opposite the overstuffed armchair, whose occupant was currently far too excited to sit in it properly. The rose-maned pony was speaking, although without the aid of the speaker-system Rainbow Dash would only guess as to what she was saying. It looked as if she was squealing “Dashie!” over and over again.

Agent Dash seated herself in the rickety chair and waited for the hyperactive killer to do the same before taking one last calming breath and pressing the button to activate the speaker.

“DASHIE!”

Rainbow Dash was nearly blown backwards by the enthusiasm in the other mare’s voice. The pink pony wiggled in her seat, squirming with uncontainable excitement comparable to that of a filly on Hearth’s Warming Eve. She fidgeted with the sleeves of her straightjacket and grinned widely at the agent. “I’m so happy to see you, Dashie! I missed you so much!” she cooed, causing the spectrum-maned pegasus to have to fight back a blush.

“Pinkamena, I’ve barely been gone two days.” Rainbow Dash frowned, scratching behind one of her ears. It had taken her and Chief Applejack another day and a half to convince Special Agent Twilight Sparkle to let her make another trip to the prison to visit the notorious baker. The violet unicorn was not pleased by how many of their leads were tracing back to the Cupcake Killer and insisted on going herself, but Agent Dash reminded her that she already had a rapport with the silly serial slaughterer. Applejack reminded Twilight that they were losing precious time needed to trace her fillyfriend, and it was only logical to send the pony who Pinkamena Pie trusted the most. Twilight Sparkle finally agreed to the interrogation after the two mares promised to file the proper paperwork beforehand this time, something Agent Dash had conveniently forgotten to do prior to her previous visit in her haste to confirm her hunch.

The roseate mare pouted, her bottom lip quivering. “Don’t be a big ol’ meany-weeny pants, Dashie. I missed you. You missed me too, right?” she asked, her disposition transforming fluidly from sulky to flirtatious in an instant. Rainbow Dash gaped, at a loss for words when once again, the appropriate answer to the wanton killer’s questions evaded her. She did not want to upset her. In fact, she wanted to avoid angering the pink earth pony at all costs, still unable to shake the nightmares from their last encounter.

“U—Uhm, yeah…” she stammered, blushing profusely. The second she said the words, Rainbow Dash realized she wasn’t lying. In fact, she kind of enjoyed her conversations with the spunky murderer, psychotic mood swings aside.

Pinkamena Pie lit up, nearly blinding Rainbow Dash with the brightness of her smile. “You’re so sweet, Dashie!” she exclaimed happily, smushing her cheeks between her hooves and giving the cyan mare an absurd kissy face. The headstrong pegasus tried and failed to fight the amused snort that escaped her. The quirky serial murderer released her cheeks and her smile softened, “You have a pretty laugh, Dashie. I like it when you laugh.”

Agent Rainbow Dash blushed deeply, and turned away from the carnation-colored earth pony and began rummaging through her saddle bag until she found what she was looking for. She extracted a photograph that Bean Sprout had printed out for her of the mutilated insect from the crime scene, along with a picture live parasprite and held them up to the glass and struggled to swallow the lump in throat and speak. “We found one of these at the crime scene. Our entomologist says that you know all about them, more than her. Can you tell us where we can find these things?”

Pinkamena Pie did not mention her earlier comment, and instead focused on the pictures that the turquoise mare had presented her. “You want to know about parasprite?” the rose-maned killer inquired, meeting her gaze again. “That’s certainly a weird question, Dashie.” she noted, “Sure, I can tell you all about them, if you do a little witty-bitty something for me…” the psychotic mare said softly, her voice a near whisper; a sinister smile spreading across her face.

Rainbow Dash gulped loudly, “What would that be?” she asked, unable to mask the obvious fear in her voice. The roseate mare’s grin grew wider, nearly encompassing the whole of her round face. Her sparkling cerulean eyes suddenly looked dull and ghostly in the overhead lights, as if they were gazing straight through Rainbow’s soul.

Pinkamena Pie peered at Rainbow Dash with sleepy eyes, “I want you to let me bake something for you.” she murmured lazily and the pegasus felt her stomach drop to the floor. Her mauve eyes grew to the size of saucers, sweat beading on her brow. She could hear her heart pulsating in her ears. She was afraid to open her mouth for fear of vomiting. The pink pony simply leaned back into her armchair and smiled.

Rainbow Dash swallowed roughly and managed to gasp, “W—WHAT?”

The magenta earth pony tittered softly and Agent Dash felt her heart leap to the back of her throat as she actively tried to remain seated and not bolt from the room. “Oh don’t be like that Dashie!” Pinkamena laughed loudly, “I didn’t say I was going to bake you, I want to bake for you!” she emphasized, sneering. Her giggles grew louder, becoming more piercing. Pinkamena Pie’s shrill laughter rang throughout her prison cell, reverberating off the walls and surrounding Rainbow Dash, ringing in her head like the earsplitting cries of crows as they circled a corpse. Suddenly, Pinkamena ceased laughing abruptly and looked into the other mare’s eyes. Her eyes were filled with life again, shimmering with anticipation. “No, I’m going to make you a cake and I want to deliver it to the EBI myself!”

Rainbow Dash forced herself to stare back into the excited gaze of the Cupcake Killer and painfully swallowed the panic that had threatened to consume her only moments before. “Fine, but only if you don’t use any ponies.”

“Deal,”

Author's Note

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

I am sorry for the long hiatus.

For those of you who are not aware, I have several chronic illnesses that limit me and often keep me from my keyboard. Though I am not as diligent about updating as most authors, due to my health, I am just as dedicated and love what I am doing. I hope you are enjoying my story.

Anyway…

Another original-character appears in this chapter. Bean Sprout the forensic scientist and entomologist. When I was coming up with her character, I started sketching possible ideas and really fell in love with her design. I really hope to use her in future stories. She’s a little awkward and kind of bitchy, but she can also be very kind. In case you were wondering why her dialogue is written the way it is, she has a stutter. There is not a damned thing wrong with having a speech impediment, which is why she never bothered to have it fixed.

WARNINGS: This is a grim-dark story. There is a gratuitous amount of violence, gore, and death. There are also lesbian pairings. Please keep your silly negative comments to yourself. I will not hesitate to block/report you.

PAIRINGS: Rainbow/Pinkie, Rarity/Applejack, Fluttershy/Macintosh