The Pursuit of Happiness

by Tayman

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 8974

Twilight reflects on how her friends have left, and wonders what true happiness is.

No matter how strong the bonds of friendship are, the events of life and the call of dreams can still pull friends apart. Only Twilight remains in Ponyville, and she wonders if she'll ever be able to be happy without her friends living in the same city.

Featured on Equestria Daily April 30, 2012.

Published 2012-04-16 14:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-22 02:14:03 UTC

The Pursuit of Happiness

Do I really have to get up?

Twilight lay in her bed, sunlight streaming in through the window above. She rolled over, burying her head in the pillow and begging for sleep to come again. It was nearly noon; she should have been up for hours. When it became apparent that her brain was refusing to cooperate, she pulled herself out of bed, her coat ruffled and her mane frazzled and poofy. A light chuckle escaped her as she noticed her chaotic state in the mirror.

Rarity would assault me with a brush if she saw me like this.

Just like she did the first day I met her. A reminiscent smile tugged at Twilight’s lips, but something within her wouldn’t allow the full joy of the memory.

The bedroom was just as much of a mess as her mane. Books and scrolls of parchment from her studies were scattered all over the floor, which hadn’t been swept in weeks. The nightstand was caked in dust along with a framed photograph on top. Twilight stepped towards her desk and levitated a sheet of paper in front of her: To-Do List For Sunday.

Nothing. No picnics with friends, no parties, no get-togethers at the spa, and she was completely caught up with her work and studies. She sighed, dropping the paper to the floor before turning towards towards the window, the soft, melodic tweeting of songbirds catching her attention. “Hello, little birdies. Did Fluttershy send you all to say ‘hello?’”

Not bothering to comb her mane, Twilight slumped downstairs towards the kitchen area, levitating a carrot muffin and teacup over to the table. Twilight poured boiling water into the cup and dropped a teabag in, before she glanced around the room.

Out of a nook towered a shiny blue telescope, the newest and best one money could buy, fifty times more powerful than the first one she’d had in the library. Books of every color were organized on the shelves that lined the wall, shelves that had been extended higher during some light remodeling a few years ago. On the counter sat the newest Daring Do book, its cover obscured by a thick layer of dust. Twilight was still waiting to give it to Rainbow Dash next time the pegasus visited Ponyville. Tucked away under the staircase was a baby grand piano with an intermediate lesson book open above the keys. Several limp, deflated party balloons that Pinkie had sent her a couple weeks ago sat against a wall; Twilight couldn't bring herself to throw them away.

She finished her muffin, washing the last bite down with a gulp of tea, before she floated a letter from the counter in front of her.

Dear Twilight,

Sorry I’ve been so late in getting back to your letters recently. I’ve been very busy in the Canterlot Garden. Ever since summer started, I’ve had to work full time taking care of the animals. I’m glad they’ve warmed up to me since our first Gala, but sometimes they like to tease me and run away when I try to feed them. It’s a lot of work, but I really, really enjoy it. The garden has only gotten even more beautiful since the first time I saw it. I’ll have to spend the next few weeks making sure the garden is in proper summer condition, but after that I should be able to come visit you in Ponyville for a few days. I hope you’re managing to stay happy without us. Remember, we’ll always be friends, no matter how far away we may be.

Love,
Fluttershy

Twilight shook her head as she re-read the last line. I know you really care, Fluttershy, and I’m glad you’re happy, but long-distance friends just aren’t the same. She set the letter aside and opened a second one.

Hey Twilight!

Having lots of fun in Ponyville? I bet the city is perfect now that you have a hoof in running it! I wish I could see it! I'm having a great time in Fillydelphia. I never knew it was such a party place! And I'm the best party planner around! I'm really sorry I haven't got around to visiting. I just have so much planning to do for all these new ponies I’m meeting! Weddings, parades, everything! I've never had so much fun in all my life! And word on the street is that Celestia wants me to plan the next Grand Galloping Gala because she wants it to be WAY less formal! Can you believe it? Take that, you upper crust Canterlot ponies!

Hopefully next month I'll be able to visit, though! I'll make sure to leave a week free in my schedule for you! Let's try to get everypony else to come down to Ponyville at the same time!

Love,
Pinkie Pie

Oh! And did you get the balloons I sent you a couple weeks ago? Hope they're keeping you cheery!

Twilight looked back over at the deflated balloons that sat on the floor against the wall, her gaze eventually drifting to other gifts her friends had sent. On the counter sat a massive, wrapped basket of apple desserts of every kind, sent by Applejack. Twilight had received it several days ago, yet the delicacies remained untouched. Rarity had sent a shimmering violet and sapphire dress a few months back, which still hung in her closet, unworn.

Pinkie Pie... how many parties did you throw? At least a hundred. All the same. Cake, punch, ice cream, games... with all of us dancing like lunatics.

Her head drooped down as she placed it between her forelegs on the table.

Being with friends doesn’t get old, though, even if we did the same thing a million times together.

Twilight’s mind drifted back to one of the last parties she and her friends had celebrated together. As the bittersweet memory overcame her, the unicorn had to fight the tears pressing up against her eyelids.

"Ughhhh. Thank goodness that meeting is over! I almost fell asleep in there!" Spike groaned as he trudged down the steps of Town Hall. "Honestly, how can ponies talk about housing developments for three hours?" He turned onto the stone path that led back to the library, having to pay attention to avoid bumping into the other ponies that packed the street.

Twilight walked besides Spike, who was a full head taller than her. "Come on, Spike, it's important that Ponyville expands the right way to avoid problems in the future. The growth of a city is a very delicate thing."

The dragon scoffed, making a gagging motion. "Yeah, but do they need to talk about that stuff for three hours?"

"Hey, don't blame me!" Twilight snickered. "You're the one that volunteered to be on the committee with me."

The two continued to make their way back towards home, ignoring the shouts of the vendors that they passed every ten feet or so. Drab, brick, rectangular buildings several stories high lined the street, serving as apartment complexes, commercial centers, and office buildings. This path was the first major road Ponyville added during the population boom, and a rush to expand sapped all innovation and individuality from the buildings for the sake of efficiency. Twilight sighed as she stared at the dull surroundings.

I remember when the walk home was peaceful and colorful. I recognized almost every face I saw. Now, I'm lucky if I catch a glimpse of a familiar pony.

There was no break in the structures lining the street as they approached the oak tree library a short time later. There used to be more space surrounding Twilight's home, but the need for housing quickly filled in the gaps. As such, the tree stuck out like a blank flank, towering over the rooftops. The road had cleared up somewhat, although there were still a fair amount of ponies walking about.

Suddenly, Spike stopped right outside the library entrance. "Oh, I almost forgot! I said I would help out with the Ponyville Elementary School play. I'll see you later, okay, Twilight?"

"Sure. Have fun, Spike," she sighed as he turned to leave.

Too bad all my friends are probably too busy to do anything. I haven't heard from them in days. Her head drooped as she shuffled with heavy legs towards the door.

Still, at least I'm done with everything for today. I can go inside, lie in my bed, read a book, maybe take a nap...

She opened the door and stepped inside. A loud yelp escaped her as a bucket of a thick, gooey substance tumbled down upon her. It oozed down her head and forelegs, a small dollop dripping onto her tongue before she had a chance to close her mouth, causing a rich, sweet sensation to tingle over her taste buds

Wait.. is this... cake batter?

"Surprise!"

Twilight jumped and quickly wiped the batter out of her eyes, her face lighting up as she saw her friends standing back by the bookshelves, the ponies bearing wide smiles as they laughed at the gooey mess of a unicorn. Bright, multicolored streamers billowed down from every surface, and a towering cake and piles of cupcakes wobbled precariously on a table in the corner. A large purple banner was draped across the room, with "HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY, TWILIGHT!" emblazoned across it in bright sapphire lettering.

"What? What is this? Tenth anniversary for what?" she exclaimed, her brow furled up as batter dripped down her face. She couldn't help but grin at her friends, though.

"Silly Twilight! Don't you remember?" Pinkie Pie said while bouncing up and down, before dashing over to the table to scarf down a cupcake. "It's been ten years since you first came to Ponyville and became our super best friend!"

"What? Ten years?" Twilight said, her mouth agape, the thought striking her like a brick. "I was so worn out from that meeting, I'd completely forgotten about it. I can't believe it. It's all gone by so fast," she breathed, a forlorn look in her eyes.

"Yeah, we didn't know either!" Applejack said, bounding over to throw her forelegs around Twilight in a warm embrace. "Good thing Rarity here pays so much attention to these sorts of things! Otherwise, we might not be havin' this here party for you!"

"Oh, please. I may have remembered, but it was Pinkie who set everything up!" Rarity beamed, glancing around the room and admiring the decorations. “Honestly, Pinkie, you’ve come so far with matching colors properly!”

Fluttershy took a small step forward, smiling at Twilight with big, hopeful eyes. “Do you like it?”

A wide grin split Twilight’s face as she activated her horn to make the batter drip off her coat into a spherical blob, which she flung outside, the muck splattering into a passing unicorn’s face before she shut the door. "I love it! It's been a long time since did anything together like this. How were you all able to clear your schedules?"

"Come on Twilight, does that matter?" Rainbow said, zipping down from the air and tackle-hugging her to the ground. "We're your friends! Even if we're a little busier than we used to be, we'll always find time to spend together!"

A little busier than we used to be...

"Wow...thanks, all of you," Twilight said as she lay on the ground, sniffling. "This means so much to me. The last ten years have been the best a pony could ever ask for. The memories we've shared together... I can't even keep track of all of them. You've all made me the happiest pony in the world," she said while fighting back tears, her voice cracking as she forced the words out.

A heartfelt “awwwwwwww” escaped everypony except Rainbow, who just rolled her eyes. "Lighten up, Twilight! You're acting as if we're saying goodbye or something! We're all still together! And we'll all have way more awesome times together! So don't get all mushy on us!"

Twilight smiled as she got to her hooves, rubbing her eyes. "You're right. No need to get reminiscent just yet."

"Come on, enough chitchat! Let's party!" Pinkie cheered, slamming the record needle down. A jaunty rock tune blasted out of the speaker—the same tune that had played at Twilight’s birthday party in Canterlot. While her friends began to dance, throwing their bodies around like ragdolls, Twilight simply stood there for a moment, staring at the record, her smile fading to a blank gaze as the song pounded in her mind.

“Twilight, whatcha standing around for? Come on, dance!” Pinkie shouted, yanking Twilight off her hooves and thrusting her into the action. A smile returned to her face, the memory fading as she thrashed mindlessly about with her friends.

After a couple of minutes of dancing, Rainbow Dash flew over to the dessert table, a smirk on her face. “Hey Twilight, you hungry?”

“Oooh, yes, those desserts look—”

She yelped as Dash grabbed a cupcake and flung it at her face, cake and frosting smearing all over her cheeks and muzzle. “Rainbow Dash...” Twilight growled, before she grinned, levitating five cupcakes and smashing them against Rainbow’s flank, smearing them all over her coat and mane.

The pegasus tumbled to the ground as the desserts were ground into her fur. “Hey, no fair! No magic!”

“Teehee! Rainbow looks like she just took a frosting bath!” Pinkie Pie giggled.

Rarity scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Oh, will you two grow up?”

“Never!” Rainbow grabbed a slice of cake and flung it at Rarity, who barely had time to activate her horn to stop the dessert from hitting her in the face.

“Oh, lighten up, Rarity. Your mane’s stayed beautiful for the past ten years—it won’t get ruined in one night!” Applejack said, hurling a dollop of frosting at Rarity, who flinched as she reluctantly let the glob strike her square in the horn.

“Food fight!” Pinkie squealed, hopping on top of the table and wielding two cupcakes. For the next hour, cake flew everywhere as every pony mercilessly hurled the desserts at one another; even Rarity and Fluttershy tossed a few cupcakes. Their laughter rang out, echoing throughout the room, along with the splats and splotches of the cake as it made impact. Eventually, they all collapsed on the floor, panting heavily and still giggling. As the sunlight began to fade, Twilight hung up a couple of firefly lamps. She sat there, smiling at her friends.

They all look exactly the same as they did ten years ago. If I took a picture of us and sent it to Celestia, she’d wouldn’t be able to tell if it came from now or my first night in Ponyville. Well, except for all the cake frosting in our coats.

Applejack stood up. “Come on, y’all! There’s still time for some more dancing!”

An enthusiastic agreement from everypony rang out. They all jumped to their hooves and danced until the sun disappeared over the horizon. However, a heavy thought crept into Twilight’s head as the party crawled towards its end, and she soon found herself lacking the enthusiasm to dance, her muscles becoming heavy.

Why can’t this last forever?

"Wow! Now that's what I call a party!" Pinkie exclaimed, her face full of cake and frosting. Indeed, the room was a disaster. Confetti and streamers lay strewn about the room like autumn leaves. Punch had spilled all over the tablecloth, and there was cake smeared all over the floor from the food fight. Countless books would have been ruined if Twilight hadn’t cast a protective force field around the perimeter beforehand. "Um... sorry for kinda destroying your library, Twilight!"

Twilight wiped the cake off her face and gave Pinkie a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it. With a little magic, it'll be cleaned up in no time. What's important is that we all had fun," she said with a wide grin and bright eyes, her ears standing on end. "Honestly, I can't remember the last time we all had such a great together. Why don't we have another party next week?"

Rarity frowned. "Darling, I wish I could, but I have been so swamped with orders recently, not to mention my big fashion show I must prepare for!"

"Yeah, and I have loads of events around Ponyville that I need to plan!" Pinkie Pie said. "Too bad hardly any of them are parties!"

Twilight's smile slowly faded as the other ponies remarked about their full schedules. Applejack had to fertilize and till the soil of a new plot of land that she had obtained for the farm. Rainbow Dash was on full-time weather patrol for the next two and a half weeks. Fluttershy was booked solid with vet appointments.

"Oh... well, okay then." Twilight managed a smile, although her eyes and ears drooped slightly, a light sigh escaping her.

"Twilight, don't worry. We'll hang out together soon," Fluttershy cooed, giving Twilight an equine neck hug. "We're still friends, remember? Nothing will ever change that."

"Yeah. Of course," Twilight said, her eyes perking up somewhat. "I'll see you all later!" They all left, and she closed the door behind them.

That was such a great party. It's been, what, a few weeks since we last had that much fun? Yet the past three hours just flew by.

Just like the last ten years.

The memory should have made Twilight happy, but she could only lay with her head on the table, silent tears streaming down her face.

I miss you all so much. I’m not the same pony without you guys. Hard to believe that party was just a year ago. It feels like twenty.

She pulled herself up from the chair and dragged her body back upstairs to her room, stumbling over rolls of parchment before flopping back on her bed and staring at the dusty photo frame on her nightstand. Inside was the very first picture of Twilight and her friends that she had ever sent to Princess Celestia. They were all cuddled together with bright, shining faces, not a trace of a worry in their eyes. In the universe depicted within the photo, everything was perfect. Twilight and her friends existed in a state of pure, untainted joy.

But now we’ve all gone our separate ways. All the wishing and friendship in the world couldn’t stop that.

With muscles made of lead, Twilight pulled herself out of bed and sat down at her desk, memories and hopeless longings lingering in her mind.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I sit alone in my library as I write this letter to you. Today is Sunday, and the day is completely open to me, yet I remain cooped up inside while the sun shines. Please excuse me if this letter rambles more than my recent ones; I just need to get these feelings out.

I can’t remember the last time I wrote a friendship letter to you. In all my years in Ponyville, I thought I had learned everything there was to friendship. However, recently I’ve stumbled upon a new lesson. No matter how powerful friendship is, no matter how much joy it brings, no matter how close my friends and I may be, we still have our own dreams and goals that we must pursue.

There are two true types of happiness in the world. The first kind is simple: the joy that comes from simply being with friends: laughing at the stupidest jokes together, playing games together, eating lunch together...

Together. That’s all that matters. Just being with friends will bring a smile to any pony’s face, even if those friends aren’t doing anything of particular significance together. The most mundane of activities can be made enjoyable in the presence of a friend. Today, I thought about all the parties Pinkie Pie has thrown for all of us over the past eleven years. The occasions were different, but often the parties themselves were very similar. Yet this fact never bothered me. It never even crossed my mind. Simply being together provided a spring of joy that could never be drained.

I've watched Rainbow Dash fly and show off. I've helped Applejack haul in apples. I've baked cakes with Pinkie Pie. I've tried on dresses for Rarity. I've sat and watched animals play together with Fluttershy. These are just a fraction of the activities I did with my friends, activities done hundreds, perhaps thousands of times.

And not once did these mundane activities become mundane.

The second type of happiness is more complex: the satisfaction that springs from accomplishment and pursuing one’s dreams. Friends can help with these pursuits. I remember when we all had a fashion show with Rarity, which helped give her a big boost to her fashion career, as her designs were featured in Hoity Toity’s catalogue.

Another time, we went to Cloudsdale to support Rainbow Dash in the Young Fliers’ Competition. She won, of course, and her popularity exploded. She finally became recognized for her skills, just like she had always dreamed.

Twilight stopped writing, eleven years’ worth of memories pounding her head like thousands of fleeting breezes. She had to fight the temptation to write down every single one.

You are well aware of my pursuits: to study magic, to learn as much as I can about the world around me, to plan, to organize, to have a role in getting things done. Nowadays, I work in Ponyville City Hall in order to help guide the city through the future. The charts, the graphs, the books, the planning... I love it all.

The quill stopped momentarily, the unicorn wiping away a tear as her eyes drifted to the photo once more.

However, the happiness of being with friends and the happiness from our own personal pursuits are rarely compatible in the long run. Opportunities often carry us away from friends.

You’ve probably heard of Rarity’s success in Canterlot. From what she’s written me, she can barely keep up with demand. Yet her letters are always brimming with pride and joy. She misses me, yes, but the joy from accomplishing her dreams makes up for it.

You’ve also likely run into Fluttershy in the Royal Garden. For her to be constantly surrounded by gorgeous fauna and bustling animals all day long... nothing makes her happier.

Pinkie Pie is an event planner in Fillydelphia. A while back she discovered she had a knack for planning not only parties, but occasions of every sort. Of course, she tries to stick to parties and parades. She makes her living through her passion.

Rainbow Dash is head of the Equestria Weather Squad. She had to move to Cloudsdale in order to accept the job. Now, she spends her entire life in the skies, where she truly belongs.

Appleoosa is a bustling town now, thanks to Applejack. She didn’t exactly have a choice about moving there, but as long as she bucking apples and helping ponies, she’s happy.

Twilight paused again, letting out a heavy, hopeless sigh.

The tendrils of life and opportunity are curious things. They can slowly creep up on you, or they can suddenly lash out and grab you by the legs. I just wish we would have seen them coming.

“My, what a lovely day for a picnic!” Rarity said, basking in the warm rays of the sun as everypony except Rainbow Dash walked up the soft, emerald, grassy hill overlooking the park.

Pinkie Pie bounded to the top of the hill. “You said it! I can’t wait to eat! I packed the best cupcakes I’ve ever made! You’re all going to love them!”

“Hey, where in tarnation is Rainbow Dash? She should’ve been here by now!”

Suddenly, Rainbow zoomed from the path behind them, panting heavily as she gingerly beat her wings. “Hey guys! I’m really sorry, but I can’t make it to the picnic. I got called in for a couple extra shifts of weather patrol this week.”

Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing and gaped at Rainbow with big, quivering eyes. “What? But you’ve never missed a picnic before!” The other ponies echoed their disappointment.

Rainbow sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s my job as a pegasus. I’ll try to make sure I don’t get called out of nowhere like this again.” She beat her wings with more intensity, floating higher into the sky. “Have fun! I’ll make it next time, I promise!” she said, before bolting into the distance.

Rainbow did such an excellent job on her shifts that she kept getting called for extra weather duty. Occasionally, she was even called to help out in other cities. At first, she tried to get out of the work. She wanted to keep spending time with us. However, she eventually discovered just how much she loved soaring in the skies all day as a profession, rather than just a hobby. She became more and more eager to take on the extra work. We only saw her a couple times a week, then once a week, then once every few weeks. Then, just a few months ago, she was offered a position in the weather patrol squad for all of Equestria, a job that would require her to move back to Cloudsdale.

Selfishly, I begged her not to take it. I loved her too much. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing her even less than I already did. I was used to a time when I could see her every day. To go from that to only seeing her once a month or so when she could find time off? I couldn’t handle it. I bawled like a foal, and she bawled with me. Pinkie Pie threw a farewell party for her, and at the end, we all cried together. To say goodbye to a dear and loyal friend... only the death of that friend is more painful.

Fluttershy’s departure was much more sudden. We were all visiting the castle garden about six months ago, and she was getting along with the animals extremely well. She ran into the head groundskeeper, who had heard of Fluttershy’s wildly successful veterinary business in Ponyville. She was offered a job in the garden on the spot.

She didn’t accept the job right away. Fluttershy has never been one to make quick, rash decisions. She continued working in her vet business for a while. Despite her love of animals, having so many appointments and being kept to a tight schedule really wore her down. She decided she would be much happier working in the most gorgeous garden in all of Canterlot, where she could have more freedom and not have her work dictated by dozens of other ponies.

Accepting Fluttershy’s departure was slightly easier. She’s so delicate, so insecure, that I wanted her to be happy. The vet business just wasn’t right for her. When she told us about her decision, we simply accepted it and wished her the best of luck. However, at the end of her goodbye party, Pinkie Pie broke down. She threw her forelegs around Fluttershy and begged her not to go, causing Fluttershy to sob too. There was a time when she would have reluctantly gone along with Pinkie’s pleas, but Fluttershy has matured in the past eleven years. She said she had to take the job, that it really meant a lot to her, that it was something she had dreamed of for years. Reason doesn’t quell anypony’s emotions, however, and Pinkie continued to cry. She didn't cry just for Fluttershy, but in mourning of the time that had been lost.

Rarity was next to leave. A vacant storefront was put up for sale in downtown Canterlot, and she had plenty of bits saved up from her business in Ponyville. I will admit, I knew that the building was for sale before she did, but I didn’t tell her. I didn’t want her to leave. I desperately hoped she wouldn’t find out, a fruitless wish, considering how connected she liked to be to Canterlot.

She broke the news to me during a visit to her boutique.

----------------------------

"Twilight..." Rarity sighed, the sewing machine stopping abruptly, her materials clattering to the floor. "I'm moving to Canterlot next month."

Twilight's heart sank, her stomach churning into a knot as the words struck her. "W-What?" was all she could choke out, her legs wobbling.

"I found an old boutique for sale right in the middle of the city. I've saved up enough money over the years, especially with how busy I’ve been lately, so I had to buy it," Rarity said with a blank face. Indeed, the room was strewn with sewing supplies of every sort, along with a maze of dress racks. Bits of fabric and dress designs littered the floor. Twilight didn't know how Rarity kept track of it all, especially since she prided herself on being so organized.

"But you’re plenty successful here already!" Twilight cried, stomping a hoof down as she fought back tears. "You don't need to move!"

"Twilight, just look at this place!" Rarity said. "It's a mess! And I'm not being challenged here! All these new ponies moving to Ponyville... they're ordering the simplest dresses! I don't have time to craft what I really want! I need to go out and grow! I need to blossom! In Canterlot, I would be able to design the most gorgeous and complex dresses possible!"

"But—but-—" Twilight’s legs gave out, and she collapsed to the floor. "What about me? What about all of us? We've been together for over ten years. I just... don't want our time together to end!"

"Oh, Twilight..." Rarity dropped down next to Twilight, nuzzling her softly. "Don't do this... don't make me cry too..." she choked, closing her eyes and sniffling. "We'll still see each other! I'll write you letters, and we can still visit now and then!"

"I—I guess..." Twilight forced the lump of words out of her throat. "I just... wish you could stay here forever."

Tears starting leak from Rarity's eyelids. "I love you all with all my heart, but I have my own dreams I need to pursue. Life goes on. I can't just ignore this opportunity to grow." Her voice cracked as she spoke, the words shaky and uneven.

Twilight knew every word Rarity was speaking was true, but she refused to accept them. She simply lay there and cried her heart out.

Despite being the third to leave, the heartbreak wasn't any less painful. Rarity didn’t take it as badly as the rest of us, however. She has always been focused on her dreams, completely dedicated to her dresses and fashion, pouncing on any opportunity to arise.

Applejack didn’t have a choice about moving. She was called to Appleoosa to help with their orchard problems. A swarm of locusts left the trees badly damaged, and Applejack left to help with the recovery efforts. She single-hoofedly saved the entire town, and she was offered the title of head orchard maintainer. Being a pony who feels compelled to help where she’s needed, she took the job. She still comes back once a month or so to help Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh run Sweet Apple acres, but I hardly get a chance to see her when she does, perhaps a few hours of time together at most. There was no party for her.

For a couple months, it was just Pinkie Pie and I. Of course, we were usually too busy to see each other with our respective jobs, but when we did find time to grab lunch, or just sit down and talk, she wasn’t quite the same. She was still Pinkie Pie, random and cheerful, but there was a desperate longing in her eyes. To me, it felt as if she was forcing herself to act normally. Perhaps she thought if she acted normally, life would go back to normal. Our friends would come back. Life would become less busy. Reality would cave to our will.

Then one day, she made the decision to move to Fillydelphia. She had spent nearly her entire life in Ponyville surrounded by friends. She used to know every pony in town, but as Ponyville expanded, even she couldn’t keep up with the new faces. I had never seen her so sad in all our time together as when she broke the news to me. Her mane was completely straight as she hugged me and sobbed into my shoulder. I told her that I would still live in Ponyville, but she said that she needed to start anew. Seeing me, she said, would only remind her of the friends that had moved on. I remember her exact words.

“This party is over, Twilight. I need to start planning a new one.”

Twilight looked up from the extremely long letter, which was already on its fifth page. The ink pot was running dry, and the bright glow from the afternoon sun shone into the room, glistening off the quill.

So here I am, alone in this city, only Spike to keep me company, but he’s always in Canterlot on royal business. I only see him once every couple of weeks. I may as well be alone. My friends are all happy. I can only try to be.

It makes me wonder: which form of happiness is more fulfilling? Which matters more? Is it better to spend a lifetime with friends, completely forfeiting personal pursuits that might separate you? Or is it best to pursue your dreams, even if they tear you apart from your loved ones?

I don’t know. It’s a difficult question. Perhaps it’s not possible to be truly happy. Like I said, both forms of happiness are rarely compatible. Friends? Or dreams and achievements?

I fear that I lack the capacity for happiness now. I can only think of how my friends aren’t here. I’m constantly reminded of them wherever I look. I have nothing else to lean on. I can’t focus on my studies or my job. I pray that I’m able to pull myself out of the dumps one day.

Perhaps I grew too close to my friends. I’ve met many acquaintances and colleagues over the years, but no other pony I would consider a true friend. Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity... we were so perfect together. I’ve become resigned to the fact that no other pony I meet will live up to them. Only they can fill the void in my life.

One might say I’m being melodramatic. My friends are still alive. I still see them occasionally, but these occurrences are bittersweet. They only make me think of an age when we could spend all the time in the world together, all six of us. Now, I only see one or two at a time every month or so. Instead of focusing on the joy of these visits, I can only think about the time we have lost. A time of infinite happiness, gone forever. No matter how much I wish, no matter how strong the bonds of friendship are, life goes on. There will never be another golden age.

Memories are fickle things. You told me this a long time ago, Princess. Part of the joy in creating them is the anticipation of forging new ones with friends. While these memories are still being created, there’s no need to lament the time gone by. However, now my friends and I aren’t making new memories together. I can only reflect on old experiences and beg for new ones to come along.

While we all lived in Ponyville, we said that we would be together forever, that we’d always find time to spend together. However, those were not promises, but pleas. Pleas to the tides of fate that we could somehow stay together while pursuing our dreams. Pleas that we truly could be together forever.

Hopeless dreams. Life will always tear friends apart.

Friendship is a great and powerful gift, but it’s also a drug to which I’m now addicted. I want to see my friends every day.To see one or two of them just once a month now? Horse apples.

Her muscles began to quiver and tense up, the quill shaking as she slammed it down with each new word, digging and tearing into the parchment. Suddenly, the tip snapped, causing Twilight to flinch in anger. She flung the quill against the wall and immediately picked up another one, continuing to scribble with just as much fury as before.

If I could reverse time, I would. If I could yank my friends out of their happy little lives so I could spend an eternity with them once more, I would. Frankly, I don’t care about their happiness. I’m not happy. They shouldn’t be. How dare they leave me? Friends forever! That’s what we promised! And they all broke it!

Panting heavily, Twilight stared down at the messy words, so scrawling and scribbled that they were nearly illegible.

No.

I’m sorry. That was a mistake. If they’re happy, I’m

She paused, blinking a couple times. With a hopeless sigh, she continued.

still not happy.

Please, come back. I need you all.

I don’t care about your dreams anymore. I don’t care about mine. They’re all useless if we’re apart. You all had everything you ever wanted right here. You had your animals, your apples, your flying, your cakes and parties, your frilly dresses, right here. Why couldn’t you be happy with that? We were all perfect together. But you all had to go ruin that and pursue your own petty little goals. How do you think I feel? Do you think working in City Hall is my dream? Do you think I like that? Do you think pushing papers and attending meetings is fulfilling?

There is absolutely nothing keeping you all from moving back to Ponyville. Appleoosa is fine without you, Applejack. I understand you had to leave, but the crisis is over now. Come home. I haven’t even touched your fruit basket. It would hurt too much.

Life didn't tear us apart. You did. You all did. The choices you made were yours. You valued your own happiness over the happiness of your friends.

Happiness isn’t pursuing your dreams. Dreams are useless without friends with which to share them. Friends are the anchor of joy. I refuse to believe you’re all happy.

Happiness is friendship.

Nothing else.

Twilight jabbed her quill into the small ink pot, only to be met with the dull clink of the tip against the empty jar. Three more containers sat at the back of the desk, yet she didn’t reach for one. She scanned the letter, eyes jumping from one line to the next, reading with as much intensity as she would a book on pre-Equestrian history.

Suddenly, she crumpled up every sheet of the letter and hurled them at the floor with all the strength she could muster. The words didn’t exist. They never had. Twilight stared at the photo once more, memories and thoughts blurring together in her head.

I need my friends.

But they aren’t here.

And there’s nothing I can do about it.

Twilight Sparkle, the Winter Wrap Up All Team Planner, Celestia’s prized student who could solve any problem thrown her way, a pony who prided herself in scheduling and anticipating every single event in her life, couldn’t solve this particular problem. It had no solution. There were no dependent variables; they were all independent, so complex and entangled that she couldn’t ever hope to control or analyze them.

Twilight picked up the framed photo in her hooves, the picture twitching and jerking in her jittery grasp. Happy faces. Smiling faces. All together. No worries, no cares. Oblivious to the train of time barreling down upon them.

A guttural scream erupted from Twilight’s throat, her horn glowing as the enhanced sound swelled into a booming explosion of rage that filled every nook and cranny of the library, causing the very walls to shake. She screamed for lost times, for friends gone by, for a reality she couldn’t alter or control. It was a scream that could only erupt from a pony who refused to accept what she couldn’t change. She fought a useless struggle, as if she were trying to force the very fabric of time and reality to warp to her will.

What can I do?

Nothing.

I can’t control what my friends do. I can’t make them come back to me. I can’t control how I feel. I can’t control my happiness. I have no dreams. No purpose anymore. I want to be happy more than anything, but I can’t.

No control.

None whatsoever.

“Whhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?” All of her muscles tensed up as rage flooded into every fiber of her being. With the force of a thousand suns, she flung the frame at the wall, the glass covering the photo shattering upon impact with a piercing crack, a puff of dust bursting off as it hit the wall and clattered to the floor next to the bed, shards of glass scattering all over. She collapsed on the bed, burying her face in the mattress as she sobbed. Thick, heavy tears streamed down her swollen, burning face, staining and soaking the sheets below.

My first Winter Wrap Up. Rarity’s fashion show. Rainbow Dash’s Sonic Rainboom at the Young Fliers Contest. Fluttershy overcoming her fears and helping with the rainy season. Defeating Discord together. Pinkie Pie’s surprise party, where she nearly went insane. My birthday in Canterlot. The sleepover with Rarity and Applejack. Fighting the changelings in Canterlot. Our trip to Appleoosa.

Our tenth anniversary party, where we promised we would always be together.

Gone forever.

“And what do we do now when I manage to see any of you? Eat lunch together? Talk about old times?!” Twilight pounded a hoof into the mattress. “Sounds like loads of fun!”

She lay there limp and motionless, giving up the fight. She made no attempt to censor her mind as memories, thoughts, and longings all swirled in her brain, mixing into a convoluted mess that left her worn and weary. Twilight sobbed and sobbed until her eyes ran dry and her mind was completely numb.

The fluttering of wings sounded outside as the birds returned to perch on their branches, having been scared away after Twilight’s outburst.

Chirp-chirpchirpchirp.

Chirp tweet tweet.

Tweet chirpchirptweet.

The cheerful, melodic tune managed to pull Twilight out of her pit of despair. With shimmering eyes, she looked up at the colorful birds perched outside her window.

Fluttershy... is that you again?

She forced herself to roll over and sit up, still sniffling a few times as she dried her tears on the bedsheet. She levitated the photo frame in front of her, using her magic to pick out the shards of glass that remained. While the frame was completely ruined, the picture itself was still in good condition, only containing a few light creases.

“I hope you’re managing to stay happy without us.”

“Oh! Did you get the balloons I sent you a couple weeks ago? Hope they're keeping you cheery!”

“"We'll still see each other!”

“We're your friends! Even if we're a little busier than we used to be, we'll always find time to spend together!”

“I'll make sure to leave a week free in my schedule for you! Let's try to get everypony else to come down to Ponyville at the same time!”

“We're still friends, remember? Nothing will ever change that.”

“And we'll all have tons more awesome times together! So don't get all mushy on us!”

Remember, we’ll always be friends-”

“No matter how far apart we may be.” The words were an inaudible whisper.

Even though she had just sobbed herself out a couple minutes ago, more tears streamed down her face. She let them flow freely, making no attempt to dry the salty liquid off her cheeks. Her horn glowed as she uncrumpled the letter she had just tossed aside, quickly jumping to one of its last pages.

“If I could reverse time, I would. If I could yank my friends out of their happy little lives so I could spend an eternity with them once more, I would. Frankly, I don’t care about their happiness.”

“I don’t care about your dreams anymore. I don’t care about mine. They’re all useless if we’re apart.”

“Life didn't tear us apart. You did. You all did. The choices you made were yours. You valued your own happiness over the happiness of your friends.”

“I refuse to believe you’re all happy.”

As she read the messy, hateful words over and over again, icy shame crept throughout her body, the feeling hanging over her like a thick, black cloud, muscles becoming even more limp than they already were.

I’m so selfish.

Twilight dropped the pages aside as her ears drooped upon her head, a heavy sigh escaping her.

They’re all happy, and they haven’t given up on me. On us. They want me to be happy. I doubt they’re just brushing our memories aside. They’re probably reveling in them. Do I really want them to sacrifice their happiness and dreams just for my sake?

Of course not. Yet they probably would if they knew I felt this way. They’d drop everything and rush back to Ponyville as soon as they could. Rarity would sew me a shimmering dress. Pinkie Pie would throw me the most magnificent party in all her life and sing happy songs until her voice gave out. Rainbow would perform a hundred sonic rainbooms just to get my mind off things. Applejack would bake me all the apple desserts I wanted. Fluttershy would conduct for me a beautiful symphony of songbirds.

And this is how I repay them?

“I’m so sorry. None of you would ever want to see me like this,” she said wistfully, wiping her tears away once more. A small smile managed to creep across Twilight’s face as she levitated another photo frame from her desk drawer, inserting the picture and setting it on top of the desk. “You’re all happy, I hope.”

Rainbow Dash, I bet you’re soaring through the skies at this very moment, doing all sorts of tricks in between kicking the clouds around. I’m sure the weather will be perfect with you in charge.

Pinkie Pie, you’re probably writing down how many cakes and desserts you needs for a wedding reception. Some ridiculously high number, I bet. You would never dream of running out of sweets at a party.

I’ve talked to the caretaker, Fluttershy. Your animals are just as happy and healthy as before, although I bet they wish they could live in the Royal Gardens with you and Angel. Perhaps one day another groundskeeper will be hired so you can visit more often.

Twilight lifted herself out of bed with renewed vigor and trotted downstairs towards the closet. Light cascaded off the shiny sapphires that lined her dress, each gem placed with expert precision and balance only a certain white unicorn could possess. The deep blue shades of the jewels complemented the lavender hues of the dress perfectly.

I’d say this is the most gorgeous dress you’ve ever made, Rarity. I bet every mare in Canterlot is wearing it. I don’t know how you keep outdoing yourself. You’ve really blossomed in your time away.

She turned her attention towards the wrapped apple gift basket. As she activated her horn, the plastic crinkled off and she levitated an apple strudel in front of her before taking a bite. The pastry crumbled in her mouth as the thick, rich, gooey apple melted over her tongue, the luscious fruity flavor exploding over her taste buds.

Appleoosa is in good hooves with you in charge, Applejack. Their apples are the sweetest and juiciest in all of Equestria, I’d be willing to bet. Hopefully soon you can trust some other pony to take over so you can come back home.

As for me...

I don’t know. No matter what I do, I don’t know what will happen in the long run. I could move away from Ponyville, but would I still be able to visit you guys? Would I see you all more or less? Perhaps I could try to get a job in Canterlot Palace. I’m sure Celestia would be happy to give me one, and I could be near Fluttershy and Rarity. I’m sure we’d all be busy most of time, but at least we’d all live in the same city. But what if Applejack moves back to Ponyville? Or Pinkie Pie, or Rainbow Dash? Or, if I decide to move to Canterlot, what if Rarity and Fluttershy move away, and I’m left alone again?

What if?

And who knows?

She let out a hopeless sigh, a wave of grief resurfacing inside of her... and just as quickly, the wave faded away. The thick clouds of uncertainty clouding her mind subsided as she felt herself slip into contentment once more. She couldn’t mope forever. Nopony could. It was impossible.

Twilight strolled back upstairs to her desk. Taking a seat, she set another sheet of parchment in front of her and dipped a quill in ink. Her mind was completely clear once more as she started a new letter.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I taught myself a very important lesson about life and friendship today. Friends can be a significant source of joy, but friends can also drift apart as they pursue their own dreams. While having friends is crucial to being happy, it is important to be able to cope without them. A pony must have multiple sources of joy. If a pony simply relies on the bonds of friendship to be happy, she will collapse if these bonds are ever weakened or severed.

A pony can’t control what her friends do, but she can, to a certain extent, control her own happiness. When friends aren’t there, a pony can rely on personal hobbies and pursuits to fill the void. I’ve recently picked up playing the piano, for instance. I’ve only been playing for a few months, but I’m very happy with my progress so far. To create music, as opposed to listening to what some other pony has created, is a jubilant feeling.

As you know, I’m the only one remaining in Ponyville right now. All my friends have moved on to other cities. From the letters we exchange, I know they’re happy with what they’re doing, and I’m glad that they are.

Sometimes it’s difficult to cope without them, but I manage. I have to. No pony can live in sorrow and longing for an extended period of time.

I pride myself on being able to plan each day I live down to the minute, but no matter how intelligent and analytical I may be, I cannot predict the future. I don’t know what events and opportunities may pop up for me or my friends or what direction the tides of time will carry us. I can only make the best decisions I can and hope for the best in the long run.

I tried to fight this grim reality today. I failed, and in the process I nearly lost my spark.

I haven’t given too much thought on what I ultimately want to do with my life. Working in City Hall is fine, but I stumbled into that job. It’s definitely not what I want to do forever. However, I know I’m a very smart and gifted unicorn with an impressive resume, so the doors are wide open for me. I am heavily considering moving back to Canterlot, not only to be near Fluttershy and Rarity, but also because I believe more opportunities exist there for me. I could do magical research full time, invent new spells instead of just learning about them, work in your school for gifted unicorns...

Twilight’s smile widened as she continued to write, the quill dancing rapidly across the page.

Yes, I would love to work in your school. Perhaps as an archives maintainer? Or even an instructor? I would love to share my knowledge with so many promising young fillies and colts. I’d live in the palace and have access to the royal archives whenever I’d want! And I’d be sure to see you around often, Princess!

She could have kept writing for a whole page about the wonders she would encounter while working as a magic instructor, but she managed to stop herself and reserve her enthusiasm.

Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. Of course, I am not asking for any special favors. However, I do hope you will find me qualified enough to come work at your school. Nothing would make me happier.

The chirping of songbirds rang outside her window once again. Twilight looked up from her letter and smiled at the cheerful creatures. “Fluttershy sent you all, I just know it.”

The pursuit of happiness is a complex and twisted maze with no wrong or right road to take, a constant, endless journey. My friends decided to take their own paths away from mine, each one correct in their own eyes. Without them, I hit a dead end. Now, I’m turning around to find a new way, a path that hopefully will cross that of Rarity and Fluttershy. I hope we stay on the same path forever, and that it may intersect the roads my other friends chose. However, even if the choices we make bring us to opposite ends of Equestria, we’ll still be on the same pursuit together. We’ll never be truly lost or separated as long as we remember one another. Until we take our final breaths, there’s always hope our paths will cross once more.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle