Twilight and the Self-Loving Dragon

by Sobbing

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1058

Her library destroyed, Twilight gazes upon the aftermath of the devastation with great sorrow.

Her library destroyed, Twilight gazes upon the aftermath of the devastation with great sorrow.

But when she finds a strange object in the ruins, her opinion of Spike is changed forever.

Published 2014-08-20 03:40:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-20 03:40:08 UTC

Chapter 1

Twilight stood solely, looking out upon the dark and charred remains of her home. Tirek was gone or something, because of whatever Twilight did to him. It involved a lot of strange clothes and sequins and will definitely not ever be mentioned again.

All her other friends (and Discord) had cleared off to go wallow in the misery of the devastation that Tirek had caused. There was plenty of wallowing for them all to do, because Tirek had been a giant horse man who had probably crushed more than his fair share of stuff while he was causing random destruction for basically no reason.

What Discord was doing was more questionable than her friends, as Discord had sort of at least helped to cause this incredible nationwide catastrophe. Being a being who was quite aware of what punishments could be doled out, and usually were in his experience, he was probably prudent enough for a quick retreat so that Twilight and the rest of the princess troop could take time to reflect on how it absolutely wasn't his fault in any way.

Forced to be alone with her thoughts, Twilight was literally crying over the disgusting ashes of her once majestic magic tree house that, in a massive state of irony, had been a library. While many would have found it discomfiting that a giant tree was used to house books made out of dead trees, Twilight could only cry as happy memories of when she talked to her friends and stuff passed by in her mind.

That she had only moved in about a year ago and it was a public building never occurred to her. Instead, she recalled the happy times such as when there was that big party to welcome her that she was totally anti-social about. She also reminisced fondly about when Discord screwed with the minds of all her friends and made them hate her. Truly, she had a bittersweet smile on her face as she recalled all of these cherished times.

While Twilight did not lament the destruction of public property at all, the few ponies who weren't selfishly absorbed with looking upon the massive loss of life that Tirek, with the help of Discord, had created were instead were moved to tears themselves as Twilight mourned the loss of her cherished public property that she came dangerously close to squatting in.

But Twilight, like all squatters, quickly got over her depression. Soon, she timidly made her way forward. First, a cautious hoof pushed a stray bit of wood out of the way, and then another, and then yet another. Soon, she was enthusiastically digging her way through the wreckage as she looked for mementos and keepsakes.(loot)

Her hoof crashed painfully against something as she heedlessly dug. The thud was loud and metallic, and Twilight raised her hoof to her mouth as she nursed it. Peering down, she saw a small metal box resting innocently in the dirt. "This isn't mine..."

It had a small lock on the side, large and looking out of place on an otherwise plain lump of copper. Somehow using her hooves to try open it, she quickly found the lock would not budge. Twilight, being a unicorn with pretend wings, laughed. "Some peasant without magic seeks to hide their valuables? How amusing."

"Haw haw, haw haw haw," she chucked through her nose. The sound was distorted, it reeked of superiority and unicorn/not-alicorn privilege. "I bet it belongs to Spike!

"It seems he need a lesson in why the lesser species are inferior to the mighty unicorns with pretend wings!" Twilight said, with great amounts of derision flowing from her in palpable waves of maximal Aryan power.

Summoning up the MIGHTY magic of her ancestors, Twilight Sparkle cast a magical spell. Within moments, the ordinary little box with a really big lock on it was engulfed in purple. Twilight grinned, and with audible anticipation(she gasped) she opened this hidden secret of the Ponyville library.

"No! It cannot be!" Twilight shouted. With frantic hoof moving, Twilight fled from the dark contents inside. So great was her shock and horror, that she vomited there and then.

Disgusting dribbles of chunky stomach stuff covered the ground, which was still pretty messed up from that giant avatar of death and destruction who just got defeated. Getting everywhere, it mixed into a foul chunky mix with the ash of Twilight's former home that was also public property.

Steeling herself, and looking away from the near solid mass of excrement she had created, Twilight looked back down upon the foul thing she had found. "...He can't have done this. It is an insult to the Matriarchy!"

Looking down with barely open eyes, Twilight creaked them open to spy on the horrific thing she had viewed. For within the box, was Spike's darkest secret. One that he had clearly gone to huge efforts to conceal, even if an inferior male could never hope to outwit a mare.

Inside this box laid the foul twisting of the mind of Spike the dragon.

Inside this box, he had hidden his collection of selfies.

Hundreds of pictures, all crammed impossibly into such a tiny space. Twilight once again vomited as the sheer oozing of the male privilege from the box insulted the fabric of the universe. From duck face to whatever else the hip kids like, all of them could be found in this box.

Twilight trembled as she leafed through terrifying images taking pictures from a bathroom mirror. Shame overcame her as she realized that the shared accommodations of the library meant that she had been in the very same bathroom that these crimes had been committed in.

Darkness overcame the world, and even the ponies that had not cared about the misfortune of their great unicorn with pretend wings princess gazed fearfully at her. But Twilight's gaze was not on them, no. Instead, she had only one thing on her mind. One thing, that would bring justice to the world and forever make sure that the matriarchy ruled in Equestria forever.

In a burst of fiery and righteous kinda purple light, Twilight disappeared. But one thing could be heard by all in Equestria, one dark promise that made the world shiver.

"I'll teach that chauvinistic pig that he's not allowed to enjoy himself!"