It's Not My Fault I'm Not a Princess!

by MagnetBolt

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 1656

Twilight Sparkle prepares herself for her first day of high school. Unfortunately, no one else seems to think it's her first day.

Canterlot High. An elite school, one of the best high schools in the world. Graduate there, and you can get into almost any college you want.

Twilight Sparkle is about to start attending classes there. Unfortunately, everyone seems to know her. Is this some kind of bizarre coincidence or the first sign of a dark and terrible conspiracy? And what happens when Sunset Shimmer tries to prove that her crazy story is true?

Trigger Warning: Equestria Girls. DTS*. Do not read if you are pregnant, planning to become pregnant, a changeling, or planning to become a changeling. May cause Doppelgangers. Possible alternate universe selfcest in rare test subjects.

(* Double Twilight Sparkle)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-20 01:05:25 UTC

Spitting Image

The first day of school. The first day of real school, anyway. She'd been home schooled her whole life. She'd never even left her house except to walk her dog. Her friends were all online. She took a deep breath and adjusted her grip on her heavy bag of books.

“You can do it, Twilight. It's just high school.” She looked up at the building. “Even if it is the most prestigious high school in the country.” Twilight started to sweat. “Which I am totally unprepared for.” Her breathing got faster and faster as she talked to herself. “And full of people I've never met.” Everything started getting wobbly and fuzzy around the edges. “And tests that I've never taken. And-” Everything went black, and she felt herself falling.

Until someone caught her.

“What are you doing here?! Is something wrong?” Twilight didn't recognize the voice. She rubbed her eyes, letting her bag fall to the ground. She didn't have the strength to keep holding into it.

“Passing out from a panic attack,” Twilight noted, part of her brain diagnosing what had happened even as the rest was trying to reboot.

“Well stop it and tell me what's wrong.” Twilight looked up, her neck working again. She was being held up by a girl about her age, with orange skin and wavy hair in bright red and yellow.

“What do you think happened?” Twilight rolled her eyes. “It's probably just the sun and carrying all these books. My brother said I wouldn't need them, but he also said I wouldn't need to learn about biochemistry and joke's on him because I definitely do!” She pulled away from the girl, rubbing her temples. She was starting to get a headache.

“How did you even get here?” The girl folded her arms, lips tight and looking at Twilight with an expression that wasn't quite anger. “Unless I've really lost track of time somehow it should be another three days before it's open.”

“The bus, and what do you mean three days?! The schedule said today was the first day of class!” Twilight pulled a carefully folded sheet of paper out of her skirt, checking the date. “Yes! It's definitely today!”

“First day of class?” The girl tilted her head, confused. “What are you even talking about, Twilight? If you're here to check up on me, you can tell Princess Celestia I'm perfectly fine.”

“How do you know my name?!” Twilight gasped. “Are you a stalker?! I heard about those!”

“What? It's me. Sunset Shimmer. It's not like you could have forgotten about me. Unless-” Sunset's eyes went wide. “Oh. Oh no. You're the other Twilight!”

Twilight Sparkle took a step back, the panic attack starting to reassert itself. “Look, I don't know what you're talking about and if you don't leave me alone, I'm going to call the police!”

Then, from behind her, an excited voice. “Girls! It's Twilight! She's back!” Twilight turned around to see a girl who was perhaps the pinkest person she'd ever seen bounding towards her. Before the bookworm could react, she was being hugged by someone who smelled mostly of cotton candy. “I didn't think you were going to come back, Twilight!”

“I- I-” Twilight stuttered. Two stalkers?!

“Well I'll be a monkey's uncle, it really is her!” Another girl adjusted her hat and walked over. “Can't say it ain't good to see you again.”

“Again?!” Twilight squeaked.

“Oh hey!” A girl with rainbow hair waved to her. “You should have told us you were coming! Pinkie could have gotten an awesome party together!”

“A party?!”

“Dear, you're looking fabulous as always,” another girl said, as she walked up from behind Twilight. “I do hope you'll be staying a bit longer this time. I felt like we barely got to know you before you left last time.”

“Last time?! What?!”

“Oh, um. Are you feeling alright, Twilight?” Asked another girl, who just seemed to appear from behind the others, where she was almost hiding.

“...No. I... definitely do not feel okay.” Twilight's eyes rolled, and she collapsed into blissful unconsciousness.

***

Twilight was lying in bed, her skin clammy from a cold sweat. She groaned.

“What a horrible dream...” Twilight said, to herself, as she reached for her blanket. But something was wrong. Her familiar quilt wasn't there. The blanket was scratchy and cheap. She opened her eyes, and felt the panic start to return.

“This is probably the strangest thing that's ever happened to you,” Sunset Shimmer said. Twilight sat up to look at her. She was sitting on a chair next to the bed, her arms folded.

“Where am I?!” Twilight gasped, looking around.

“Stop freaking out. This is the nurse's office.” Sunset looked over at the door. “I guess someone's going to have to explain all of this to you before you start to freak out again. Since it's mostly my fault, I volunteered for it.”

Or had been volunteered for it, really.

“How do all of you people know me?! It's impossible unless you've been stalking me!” Twilight pointed at her accusingly. “I'm going to call the cops and go home and-”

“And I told you already to stop freaking out!” Sunset Shimmer snapped. She picked something up that she'd been holding. A series of photographs. She tossed them into Twilight's lap. “Take a look.”

Twilight picked up the photos. They were all pictures of... her. Except it wasn't her. It couldn't be. She was talking to people she'd never spoken to before. At a dance she'd never been to. The costume was odd, too. It almost looked like she had wings.

“S-someone obviously got my photos from FaceTome and pixelshopped them into these!” Twilight said, dropping them. Her hands were shaking.

“As if,” Sunset Shimmer snorted. “They're real. And practically everyone in school knows who you are. And I bet that's pretty confusing for you.”

“Yes!” Twilight said, jumping out of bed. “Oh no! I know what happened! Someone stole my identity!” She gasped. “My credit score! They're probably selling my identity to someone halfway around the world and they're going to use it for- for-” She lost the thread her mind was clinging to. “Bad... stuff.”

“Wow. That would be a good guess if it wasn't stupid.” Sunset Shimmer rolled her eyes. “You know that's not how stealing someone's identity even works, right?”

“Then... it must be my doppelganger! Or an evil twin! But everyone seems to like her. So she can't be an evil twin. Unless... unless I'm the evil twin!” Twilight's eyes went wide. “I can't be an evil twin! I don't do evil things! I don't even know anyone to be evil to! Am I going to have to get an evil doctorate from an evil medical school?!”

“Okay wow,” Sunset said, raising an eyebrow. “How about instead I explain it?”

Twilight nodded quickly.

“Great. The good news is, you're not an evil twin. And she didn't steal your identity, really, though her name was Twilight Sparkle, and she looked exactly like you. Except maybe an inch or two taller, now that I look at you closely.” Sunset rubbed her chin.

“That's impossible,” Twilight said. “Two people with the same name and practically identical just happening to be at a school at the same time? The odds are impossibly remote. In fact, if we assume that she's even only vaguely similar looking to me and has the same name, we can calculate that the odds are below one in one million, seven hundred and seventy one thousand, five hundred and-”

“Twilight,” Sunset groaned. “Stop. First, it's clearly not impossible, since it happened. Second, she's not just someone with the same name. She's you.”

“No, we established that it isn't me, because I've never been here before!” Twilight snapped, balling her hands into fists and yelling.

“That's more or less true,” Sunset admitted. “Actually she's your double from an alternate parallel universe.”

“What?”

“She came through a magic portal chasing after me, because I stole her crown.”

“What?!”

“It was kind of a thing. She befriended a bunch of people, I used her magic tiara to become a giant demon, she helped me learn the magic of friendship. That sort of thing.” Sunset Shimmer shrugged.

“WHAT?!”

“Then she went back home. There's kind of an open invitation for me to come back and make amends too – I'm originally from the other side too – but you know how it is. It's hard to come back after you've burned all your bridges.” Sunset tilted her head, looking at Twilight closely. “Are you feeling okay?”

“No. Actually, I think I might just back away slowly and try to keep from alerting you to my plan because you're clearly a crazy person, and while you're listening to me talk, I'm going to grab the door handle, like this, then I'm going to open it, and you're going to look over there and then-” Sunset looked where Twilight was pointing. There was just a dark corner there. When she turned back, the girl was gone.

“I can't believe that worked,” Sunset groaned, facepalming at her own stupidity.

***

“I can't believe that worked!” Twilight gloated, smiling at her brilliance and looking back to make sure she wasn't followed. “Now to-” She stopped suddenly as she ran into something soft and warm. She looked up into the surprised face of a woman with flowing hair.

“You know running in the halls is against the rules, don't you?” She asked, with a small smile. Twilight swallowed, and realized that she was currently pressed against the softer parts of the woman's anatomy. The parts in front which were at face level for the shorter girl. Definitely face level. Her face was pressed into them. The woman didn't seem bothered by it, either.

“Ah! I need an adult!” Twilight screamed, pushing herself away.

“Oh Twilight, I am an adult!”