Chapters It calls itself Nightmare
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 1
These entries are what I shall use from this day on to chronicle what is happening in my life besides the royal records. I will use these entries to inform whoever reads it of my innermost feelings and opinions of the past and coming events.
I suppose I should begin with what is bothering me the most these days. I’ve been getting these strange notions, ideas that I know I shouldn’t be thinking of, suggestions I would never voice for fear of complete exclusion from my sister.
They are dark and terrible thoughts that seep into my mind while I sleep and torture me in my dreams. There is a voice, loud and harsh, but it never gives me a name, it only tells me what I should think, what I should do! But I fight it, as best I can anyway. I find it tiring. It saps my energy; keeping my mind completely separate from that of this dark entity takes so much of my concentration and energy that I barely have enough power to go about my daily duties.
Tia has begun to notice, she keeps asking me if I’m alright. She asked me today, of course I told her I was fine, that I was just having some restless nights, but that’s all I told her. I don’t want her to know about the voice, not yet anyway.
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From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 2
Tia commented on how tired I look today. I said she was seeing things, but then I looked in the mirror when I returned to my chambers. My eyes look like those of a mare far older than I, I look demented, these unrelenting dreams are slowly draining me. I need to get a hold of myself before I truly let something slip during my watch over the night.
I may talk to Strafe (Our court physician) perhaps he can find something that will help. And if not, then maybe a spell to keep me more aware.
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From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 3
I spoke to Strafe, and he said that he would investigate any possible cure to my ‘ailment’ he called it. An ailment? This isn’t a disease! It’s my very mind, warping and shifting into this THING! I know it’s not my own thoughts. It’s as though there is another pony inside my mind, taunting my every decision. Laughing in the back of my mind every time I tell Tia I’m alright and don’t need any help.
This is no disease!
I asked Strafe to keep this a secret, I told him everything. The voice, the terrible thoughts, the nightmares EVERYTHING! He holds the key to my nobility now. He could tell Tia at any moment, and if he did, I would most likely be stripped of all my power until a time where I was fit to resume my duties. He could destroy me in a second if he wished.
Yet, I’m not worried. His eyes seem to brim with kindness, he listened to everything I said, and yet, he didn’t seem to condemn me. In fact, I believe him to understand me far more than any other being in this entire castle lately. He seems... nice.
It calls itself Nightmare
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 7
Something is happening. I slept another sound night, and yet today as I walked through the statue gardens me and Strafe were in yesterday... Another thought came into my head. I was walking through the statue garden, and I found his statue! Discord! I’ve seen the statue a thousand times before, but today that manic smile he wore set my mind on fire with rage!
The idea was simply. Smash it! Smash the statue, not crack it to allow his escape. But smash the statue into a thousand tiny pieces, ending the damned Chimera once and for all! How did that thought come to be? I appal the idea of murder, even after all Discord did; I believe his incarceration is the best possible punishment. And yet...
I tried to do it! I reached out with a hoof and began to push at the base. Making it wobble to the point of nearly toppling, but before I could finish the task. Strafe arrived. He stopped me before I could do something I would regret. When he touched me, I felt cold. I dropped in his arms, and I don’t remember what happened next.
I woke in here, my chambers. With Strafe by my bedside watching over me. I feel humiliated! How could I have been so foolish to fall prey to such petty and violent thoughts? I am supposed to be a princess of Equestria! Not some terrible murderer! I’m weak, when I should be strong! I’m submissive when I should be dominant, I’m flawed...when I should be perfect like Tia.
What is happening to me?
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 8
I’ve been ordered to stay in bed today, Strafe pleaded with me to stay safe while he tried a new potion to help me. He’s such a wonderful pony! He still hasn’t told Tia, and he’s trying oh so hard to help me. Why?
Before these changes, I never really spoke to him. And now he never leaves my side. He is truly wonderful.
I think I understand the feelings I was having a few days ago now. I think... I may be falling in love! With Strafe! But I can’t be sure he feels the same, he probably only see’s me as his princess, this is all out of his duty as court physician most likely.
How can I be sure?
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 9
I failed to raise the moon!
I was attending to the setting of the sun and the raising of the moon with Tia, and when the sun left the land in darkness, I tried to raise the silver orb. It never came! I used all my magic to raise it, and yet nothing happened! This is insanity! How am I supposed to be like my sister when I can’t even do the job I have been raised to do all of my life?!
Tia’s now taken over both the duties of the day AND night, making me obsolete and useless. Strafe tried to comfort me when I returned to my chambers. He stroked my mane as I cried into his shoulder. He told that we would find a way to stop all of this! All I had to do was be patient.
I DON’T WANT TO BE PATIENT! I want to be normal again! I’m descending into some kind of creature without purpose, I’m slowly losing all that makes me... me!
I tried to tell Strafe all of this, but I couldn’t speak through the tears!
He seemed to understand all I wanted to say though! He nodded, he stroked my mane, he comforted me... he kissed. I wanted to kiss him back, but I couldn’t! I don’t know why! But what I did next was the worst possible thing. I pushed him away. I had him thrown from my chambers in my grief stricken state.
Now that I sit here writing this, I feel disgusted with myself. The stallion I love; and I threw him out for kissing me! I hate myself! I am not who I am supposed to be! I’M NOTHING BUT A MONSTER!
It calls itself Nightmare
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 10
Last night the voice called to me in my dreams, I saw a cloud of magic sprinkled with what seemed like stars, but nothing else. And in that dark and foreign land of my mind, it told me its name.
It calls itself nightmare. Fitting, I suppose. I’m scared. I’m lonely. I need Strafe, but I pushed him away, I need Tia, but I kept her locked out from the entire affair.
This really is a nightmare, a nightmare come to life before my very eyes!
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 11
Everypony talks and whispers behind my back. Whenever I walk into a room, it all grows silent and no one looks me in the eye. I must be quite the scandal I suppose, a princess beginning to fade into madness. How much did everypony really know about the situation? How much had they guessed?
I came to the throne room; I had decided to speak with Tia. I needed to tell her what is happening to me. When I got there, she was in a meeting, so I waited outside. I waited for about ten minutes, then the meeting came to an end. The doors opened, and I strode in to the room, only to be met by the beautiful face of Strafe.
He looked miserable. His eyes were red, and he looked as though he hadn’t slept all night. Seeing him in such a state broke my heart. I wanted to hold him, to tell him I was sorry for what I had done to him. But as I opened my mouth to speak to him my sister called me in to the throne room.
I was torn, between finally telling my sister and comforting the stallion I loved. He didn’t do anything; he simply stood there in front of me. Waiting for my decision. Yet again, I hate myself for what I did to him. I walked past him without a word and went to speak to Tia. I could swear I heard him sigh, or let out some sound. Then the doors slammed shut between us.
I explained everything to Tia, why I was so tired, the voice in my dreams, how wonderfully helpful Strafe had been, I told her everything. Tia only sat there; she listened to everything I had to say without anger and judgement in her eyes, and when I finished she grew thoughtful.
I must have been in there for a good hour while she deliberated over the issue silently. Then she told me to leave, without so much as a consoling word to me, HER SISTER!
I’m now back in my own chambers, I’ve sent for Strafe. Hopefully he will heed my call, I need him tonight. More than ever before! I need my love to be with me now that I mean nothing!
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 12
He didn’t come! I stayed awake as long as possible, but Strafe never came. I know I’ve hurt him, but how am I to reconcile if he refuses to see me? I can feel Nightmare creeping into my thoughts again, the spectre tells me that I cannot trust Strafe. He will betray me, so will Tia. So will everypony else!
I’m finding it harder and harder to find fault in Nightmare’s words. Tia now controls both aspects of life, making me useless. Strafe is now ignoring me, leaving me the second I have no responsibilities left. Is it possible, that he never felt anything for me?
It calls itself Nightmare
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 4
Strafe has a potion for me, he told me that it could keep my subconscious in check while I sleep. Meaning no more dreams, no more nightmares! I pray it works, I feel as though I may drop from exhaustion at any moment. If this works, then I hope Strafe is reading this entry.
If you are, thank you!
I’m going to go to sleep now, I hope this works.
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 5
It worked! I have just woken from the most refreshing rest I have had in years! I already feel a thousand times better than I did yesterday! I hope to feel the benefits today during my duties! I will record what happens today, and hopefully nothing terrible will occur!
Day: 5 cont.
It truly has worked! I didn’t hear a thing all day! The voice has gone, and the laughing has stopped! I was able to do all that needed doing, quickly and efficiently, I truly owe Strafe a debt of gratitude. I think I have a way to repay his kindness. Father left me a book of magical remedies, I’ve never had much interest in it, but hopefully Strafe will enjoy it!
He deserves some kindness in return for all he’s done for me.
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 6
Strafe loved his gift, he took it and almost tried to read it all as soon as i gave it to him. I’m so glad he likes it! but before he got too involved, he stopped himself and asked if I would accompany him on a walk through the palace gardens. I don’t know why he wanted to go, he never did anything of any real substance. We simply walked around the castle’s exterior and talked, we talked about almost everything, and yet, we didn’t speak of anything in particular.
It is... hard, to explain. But I felt, odd when I was with him. I’ve had so much stress on me since this began happening to me, and when we were walking, it all just seemed to ebb away. I’m not sure what this feeling is. But I believe I like it.
It calls itself Nightmare
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 13
They are plotting against me! My own sister and the Stallion I thought loved me as much as I did him! I went to Tia’s chambers only a few moments ago, needing the loving touch of my sister. But when I got there, her door was ajar, and I could hear Strafe’s voice from within.
They were talking about me! Strafe said how “If she cannot raise the moon, then she isn’t the Luna we know.” How could he say that? I thought he loved me?! TIA AGREED! My own sister is stabbing me in the back, I feel terrible inside.
My insides feel like ice, ready to shatter at the slightest touch. I feel frail and more vulnerable than ever before in my life. How could they do this to me?
I feel Nightmare whispering to me now, she says I’m weak, but she can make me strong. All I need do, is give in to the thoughts and idea’s she offers me. Nightmare knows magic, far beyond that of Tia and I. It tells me with her as my guide, I’d never need worry about my sister’s betrayal again.
Can she take the pain away? What happens if I become the nightmare?
From the desk of the second princess of Equestria: Luna.
Day: 13 cont.
I do not believe it wise to record my thoughts beyond this point. I do not wish this account to be a window into my fracturing mind.
Nightmare is whispering to me, telling me to make Strafe pay for his betrayal, and then my dear sweet sister. I’m going to speak to him now, and give him a chance at redeeming himself, to tell me he loves me and that he will help me!
If I do not make another entry in this journal... I don’t know what will have happened, Possibly, I gave in to the being inside me. Maybe I became the nightmare.
