Precious Honesty

by LegionPothIX

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rarity, Romance, Sad, Applejack, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2333

There are times when the truth is the hardest thing to hear and the worse thing you could say. That is when the truth need be said the most: I don't think we should see each other anymore.

There are times the truth is the hardest thing to hear, and the worse thing you could say. That is when the it needs to be said the most. What truth?
I don't think we should see each other anymore.

Published 2015-02-16 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-16 01:50:01 UTC

Love and Self Loathing

It was a prim and proper couch– all fancy and the like. The best couch that Applejack ever found herself sleeping on. Though, it was still a couch, and she may as well be in bed with Winona in the doghouse for all that meant. She felt like that was what it meant but she knew that it wasn't. She wasn't banished. She chose it as a safe haven for the night.

She knew Rarity did like things 'just so' and if she was honest with herself so did she; even if what 'just so' entailed was completely different. Thankfully they had had a good laugh about that realization a while ago and grew ever closer because of it.

That wasn't why she was on the couch tonight.

They'd had another fight this morning. One different from the others they've had. This time it wasn't about something she could rationalize so easily. Worse still, the easier the fights came, the easier it was for Applejack to see what the problem really was. The more she thought about it the sicker her stomach felt until her thoughts were interrupted by the pony she least wanted to find out.

"Darling?" Rarity's whisper carried through the dark of Carousel Boutique as she crept down the hall from her room. "You're not still angry about before are you?"

The answer to the question was yes but instead of giving it directly Applejack rolled over to bury her face in the cushions, and shoulder the burden of the guest blankets. The weight, however, came from the reason why the answer was yes, and it was not one that Rarity could possibly have anticipated since Applejack was still wrestling with it herself.

"Oh, come now. Surely it wasn't that bad," Rarity suggested as she rounded the end table, but as she did so Applejack averted her gaze. Her desperate attempt to try to look anywhere but to Rarity prompted the question: "What is it dear?"

"Ah'm not mad," Applejack lied, "Ah'm just hurt's all."

"Oh, come now Sugarcube," Rarity said as she slid onto the couch, "We returned the Elements of Harmony to that marvelous tree how long ago? And you want me to believe you've just now given up honesty?"

Rarity extended a gentle caress to Applejack's mane only to have her apple-bottom beauty pull away. As innocent as the question was intended to be, it stirred up something foul in her marefriend that she didn't realize was there. Hiding deep beneath the surface something was eating away at the Apple, like a worm in her core, nibbling its way to the surface.

"A'h don't want to talk about it." Applejack's muffled confession came from between two sofa cushions as she rolled her back outward to serve as a shield.

This perplexed Rarity as Applejack was so often forthcoming with her opinion though, admittedly, not her problems. "Darling, you know I'm here for you, yes? I would happily lighten your load if you could just tell me what is bothering you."

"It happened again, Rarity," Applejack mater-of-factly reported, "Ya promised it wouldn't, but it did. And A'h knew it would, but A'h let ya promise anyway."

"The double date with the Cakes?" Of the two conflicting emotions that she felt: puzzled won out in her voice. Though vexing as it was she knew that Applejack was right on that count. That she should have consulted her before so generously volunteering their time. "I agreed that you were quite right, and I was being thoughtless when–"

"Please stop," Applejack interrupted, "Ah'm not lookin' fer an apology. Ah'm just answerin' yer question. Now please just go back to bed."

Rarity was taken aback both physically, as she slid off the couch, and emotionally as she pressed the issue. "I don't understand. Why can't you talk to me about this?"

The inaudible pitter-patter of tears landing on the expensive fabric could nearly be heard in the silence that grew between them. "Because, Rarity," Applejack began but choked up. Fighting through the embarrassment she pressed back, "If A'h talk about it, then Ah'll say something Ah'll regret. Somethin' that'll hurt. A'h don't want to hurt us nomore."

Though the tears could not be heard the pronoun slip could not be missed. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?" Rarity's resplendent response was broken up by a coy smile, that went unobserved as she kneeled down next to the sofa, and rested her head on Applejack's thigh. "There's no truth in your heart that could bring me harm."

The question that was not really a question was answered anyway. "Determined," Applejack responded with the same level of impassioned assertiveness. Less alike, however, was the long drawn out pause between her own broken responses. "And A'h don't think we see each other no more."

With the truth on Applejack's mind now out in the open, the doghouse that was so comfortable before now felt like trespassing in a graveyard. Applejack bucked the covers off of her, sat up, and turned to catch the tail end of Rarity's recoiling in abject horror.

"That's not funny, Applejack!" Rarity shouted, but Applejack was not smiling either.

"No. It's not. It's the truth." A sigh inevitably escaped Applejack's lips as she realized she couldn't drop a bomb like that without providing some reason. "We're just not a good fit, Rarity. When ya commit me to things without even askin' me... A'h feel like ya don't respect me." She instinctively reached up to draw down her Stetson but found that it was put away on the rack when she first laid down. "A'h work hard Rarity, we both do, but ma family is countin' on me to do ma share, and if A'h can't do that Ah'm failin' them."

"I'm a big girl, Applejack, you're sugar coating the truth, and I don't like being lied to either." Rather than exacerbating their differences with her refined, lady-like demeanor, Rarity clung to the down to earth vernacular she so adored from her partner; for fear that it would soon be gone from her life. "If you can't see that I love you– that you're my family too, and that I want us to be together; then I guess you're right. We're not a good fit."

As soon as the words were said Rarity wanted to unsay them, and Applejack wanted to unhear them, but sadly neither could be the case. It was a moment of harsh reality for the both of them, one that caused Rarity's face to turn away with the shame of greed, and Applejack to wince at so transparent a lie.

"A'h see..."

"Oh, no honey! You really don't! I mean, I didn't mean it like that–" Rarity abruptly cut her flustered stammering short as she realized time was running out. "What I mean to say is that honesty is not something I'm terribly good at." She bit her lip and inwardly cursed herself before outwardly continuing, "More often than not, when you've caught me in a little white lie I simply couldn’t help myself. I don't want to offend and I have grown rather accustomed to you calling me on it. Do you remember what you said to me the first time?"

The importance of the memory that was so thoroughly imprinted on the unicorn was not lost on earth pony, and Rarity remained transfixed as she reminded her partner of their commitment. It wasn't in mockery but with adoration that she quoted the funny mannerisms. "Sometimes the truth can be hard to hear. But yer doin' a pony a disservice by thinkin' them weaker than they really are. Honesty is about showin' that ya respect a pony's ability to handle the truth."

Applejack rustled her mane as dark clouds stormed beneath it. "That's just what Ah'm afraid of," she cautiously muttered.

"Of the lies?" Little and white, or not, Rarity's confused glance pierced the Applejack's stoic armor. She could see her beloved's ear restlessly flick, as well as the subtle uneasiness that tightened her haunches. 'A bat in the orchard' she once heard Applejack put a name to the feeling they now shared.

"Of the truth!" Applejack blurted out through the holes that Rarity's soulful eyes had bored into her. "Of hurtin' you with the truth," she clarified. Unable to meet her marefriend's gaze Applejack turned away, and spit up the words: "Of hurtin' ma'self."

"Darling... I don't understand," Rarity said to the strongest pony she knew. Surely if any could handle the truth it would its element. Slowly but surely Applejack's gaze climbed her gently sloping cheeks as if her face were that of Canterlot Mountain.

"Generosity," Applejack begrudgingly confessed. "Ya give, knowingly and willingly, to others because ya genuinely want ta be a part of their lives." Applejack's vision could only climb so high as the milky white lips of her marshmallow mare. Lips that would soon twist in disgust at what the truth had in store. "A part that helps. A part that matters. But..."

The tentative pause caused by an ever so slight incline in the gentle curves of Rarity's lips quickly ended as they crashed down again at that single syllable.

"But?" Rarity asked not sure that even she could stomach what was to come but knew that she must hear it anyway.

"But you give like that and A'h can’t ‘cause it makes a liar outa me, Rarity." The words came with a resurgence of strength. The kind that comes with the conviction of doing what one believes is right, regardless of how hard it is, or the damage it causes. Applejack looked Rarity dead in the eyes and soldiered on. "When A'h give my word to somepony, and you give ma word to some other pony... A'h can't be two places at the same time, Rarity. A'h tried."

Rarity was positively shocked. "That old thing? Still?" She had previously admitted, and apologized for it; and she knew that her zeal was prone to result in thoughtlessness. She was committed to bettering herself and being more considerate of Applejack's needs but sometimes she simply got carried away.

"Yer darn right that old thing!" Applejack's pride snapped back on her behalf before she got it back under control. "Its not because ya still do it, it really ain’t, ‘cause A'h know yer tryin’. It’s that every time ya do Ah'm offended. And Ah'm offended that Ah'm offended, Rarity." In that moment Applejack's pride failed her and despair set in. The hopelessness of that despair carried in her wavering voice, "A'h don't wanta try to change the mare A'h fell in love with, but she's hurtin' me, Rarity." Once she had started, Applejack found it impossible to stop until the sickness she felt was inevitably reflected on Rarity's face. "Fer such a shinin' jewel to tarnish the Apple family name..."

"The Apple family name!? What about me!?" Rarity's understandable outrage resonated through the halls of her home. "Did you even consider how much it pains me to see you hurting? I would never!" Rarity's rage broke as wave after wave of emotion crashed against the stony shores of Applejack's yolk. "Is that all you care about? Your pride and your name?" she timidly whispered.

Honesty. It was Applejack's only salvation now. Having one last secret kept, between two ponies whom swore no secrets, was all that gave her the strength to weather the onslaught. "It's not just ma name, Rarity. I was gonna ask ya to make it yer name too."

The tides changed and with them the nature of the emotions that flooded out of Rarity's shattered demeanor as Applejack approached a drawer that was her port in this storm. Rarity desperately tried to recompose herself, while Applejack rooted through her drawer for a small unassuming box, and the snicker-snack of objects clattering about separated Rarity's head from her heart. "Are you...?" she could barely mutter.

"A’h am," Applejack despondently responded as she set the box on the nightstand. "A'h wanted us to be together, Rarity. Forever. A'h still want us to, but A'h don't want to hurt you—resent you—and I don't want to hate ma'self for wanting you to change." Tears now freely rolled down her cheek with the release of her poisoned soul. "Ah'm stuck Rarity, A'h can't go forward, but A'h don't want to go back neither."

Rarity's eyes widened at the realization of what was happening, and she glanced down to the box. It was a simple thing she had thought nothing of before. Honest and plain, yet it had somehow thoroughly torn a hole in their relationship. Had Applejack asked yesterday morning surely they would be still celebrating tonight. The unicorn gingerly lifted the simple applewood box that she now knew to be ring case with her hoof. She was very cautious as to not spoil the moment with the earth mare by exercising frivolous magic, and she was about to break the seal when Applejack's pleading words interrupted her.

"Please don't open it." The odd request was quickly followed by an odd explanation, "It's a piece of ma soul, Rarity. The piece that was always yours. It's only right that ya should have it 'cause it belongs with ya but, please, don't take it out 'till the rest is ready to join it. It'll only bring ya pain if ya do."

Rarity nodded with a strong sniff, intended to becalm her watering eyes, and set the box back down on the end table.

As Applejack fetched her hat she added: "Mi Amore help me, A'h just can't bear to see our heart break again." With that she sighed in relief and walked out of Carousel Boutique for what felt like would be the last time.

"If..." Rarity's heart-broken voice cracked after the door closed. "If you love her–" she tightly clutched the simple box to the hole in her heart, while tears streamed down her face, "let her go."