A big scary monster comes to ponyville.

by IvanTheTrader

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Dark, Comedy
Length: 1004

Some big ass monster bitch comes to ponyville and fucks shit up.

It was a normal day in ponyville and then a monster comes and everything gets turned upside down.

Note, this fic makes fun of many, many touchy subjects. I'm going to hell for this and if you read it you'll probably be joining me.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-21 01:13:26 UTC

3soopky5yourmum

Twilight was sitting in her study studying shit about the history of sex dolls and crack cocaine when she herd a knock on her door.

"Wut punk blud nigga be inturuptin' muh study session? sum nigga's gettin' a cap busted in der ass!" Twilight the princess said gleefully as she magiced over a 9mm Glock and loaded it like a pro. Those Years of Call of Duty paid off after Ponyville went downhill from the nice town it used to be. A few black families moved in and property values have just went to hell.

Twilight lit a durry like a mad cunt and went to the door and looked through the peep hole

"Who's there?" She yelled, preparing the glock to open fire on whoever it was on the other side "God I hope it's a girl scout!"

"It's Pinkie Pie Silly!" The pony on the other side who turned out to be Pinkie Pie answered. Obviously Coked out of her skull.

"Damn it Pinkie!" Twilight said as she opned the door. "I wanted to shoot some punk blood nigga!" Twilight said as she flung the glock across the room. "Wot do U want m8?" Twilight said as she started playing playstation.

"There's some super spooky monster thing in the bakery. Could you use your level 420 swag magics to help scare it off?" Pinkie asked while taking a rip off of Twilights bong.

"Sure Pinkie! That's what friends are for! Baking cupcakes, slumber parties, and obscure occult rituals!" Twilight said as she dabbed off of her new rig.

LIKE, 20 MINS LATER OR SOME SHIT. IDK. IM LIKE SUPER BAKED RIGHT NOW M8

20 mins or so later the mane sic were completely assembled outside the Sugar Cube Cornor or whatever. It would've been shorter but Rarity got raped by some Puerto Rican nigga that was trippin on bath salts or somethin'.

"I hope we can do this... im scared" Flutter Bitch said scaredly.

"I WANNA SNORT COKE OFF IT!" Pinkie Said as she did a line off Twilight's ass.

"YOU'RE A SLUT! AND YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYTHING MORE!" Rarity screamed into a handheld mirror sobbing while smearing lipstick all over her face "YOU FEEL PRETTY YET YOU WHORE!? YOU'RE SO DIRTY!" She quickly broke out into full blown tears.

"NASCAR BEER APPLES GUNS MURICA JESUS!" Apple Jack said. Fucking Rednecks

"We can do this! I just hope I make it in time to the LGBT/Back to the future fan club meeting afterwards!" Rainbow Fagget said pridefully

"DIS NIGGA THINK HE CAN BE ALL UP IN OUR SHIT? AW HELL NAW IMA BUST A CAP IN DIS PUNK BLUD NIGGAS MOUTH!" Twilight said as she loaded an Uzi. " Lets do this shit niggas!" Twilight yelled as she lit a cigar and levitated over a bag that when unzipped revealed multiple illegal firearms. "Lock N' Load Bitchez! It's time to kill!"

Twilight grabbed a shotgun to use along with her Uzi, Applejack got a lever action 30-30 rifle, Pinkie pie got an AK and then snorted a line off it, Rainbow dash pulled out a FAMAS The gayest gun in the world., FlutterFagget pulled out a .22 pistol because doesnt have the balls for anything bigger, and Rarity pulled out a razor blade and started cutting herself while screaming "YOU FILTHY WHORE! YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO DO IT! DO IT YOU DIRTY SLUT!"

"Girls! Lets go!" Twilight shouted to her comrades in arms and then stormed the house. All except for Rarity because Rarity was still laying on the ground being all emo and shit.

They got in but before being able to fire a shot they froze up at the sight of the hideous. Most evil, wretched monstrosity the internet ever gave birth to...

"Holy shit it's Zoe Quinn..." Twilight said in shock.

"THATS RIGHT MUWAWAWAWAWARGH!" The horrendous beast yelled. "AND YOURE TOO LATE I'VE ALREADY COMPLEATED THE FINAL STEP IN MY PLAN!"

"What is that you monster!" Pinkie Pie yelled. The seriousness of the situation was so grand it was able to sober her up.

"IM GOING TO DESTROY EVERY RESTURANT IN THE WORLD! EXCEPT FOR 5 GUYS! MUWHAHAHAHAAHAARGHESAREH!" The abomination screamed.

Twilight dropped to her knees. "Wh...Wh...Why? FIVE GUYS IS AWEFUL!" The purple pony screamed.

"ITS SIMPLE!" Zoe Quinn shouted "BECAUSE I AM EVIL! RARARARAR!"

"NOOOOOOOOO000OOO!" Rainbow dash screamed "Oh wait. We have guns!" All the ponies giggled at their sillyness (Except for Rarity who died of blood loss outside) and then shot the high fucking hell out of Zoe Quinn. Fast food, Equestria, and Sugar Cube Corner were saved... All thanks to the 2nd Amendment.

"Wow Girls. How could I ever have done that without any of you!" Twilight said as she hugged her best pals ever.

"It's ok Twilight! We always got your back! Could you just do us one favor?" Pinkie Pie said to her friend.

"Anything! What is it?" Twilight said

"P...p... please sober up?" Pinkie Pie said sadly.

"Please sober up... Please Sober up... Please sober up..."

In Real Life

"Please sober up..." Pinkie Pie said as her tears flowed freely out of her eyelids. AppleJack Quickly came over to put a hoof on the pink mare's shoulder.

They were standing over Twilight's body. The heroin needle still in her arm twitching, although with each passing minute the twitching seemed to slow. Along with her breathing. Her eye's bloodshot and staring off into nothingness.

The rest of the mane six stood over her body... Trying to think of what to do. They had secretly known about Twilight's Heroin problem for a few months now. They tried to get her to go to rehab but each time she refused and this, was by far the worst they had ever seen her.

The ponies laid down next to their friend and nuzzled her body and then it happened. The Needle stopped twitching. Her heart stopped beating. The ponies cried in unison at the loss of their friend. The Heroin had finally won.