So Much Blood It Makes Shark Week Look Like a PBS Special
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So Much Blood It Makes Shark Week Look Like a PBS Special
All was silent.
All was still.
All were scattered,
beyond the hills.
None dare tread,
in town that day.
For they knew,
the price they'd pay.
One poor stallion however,
was new to this city.
He did not know this fact,
making his day very shitty.
Lucid Gaze slowly yawned and stretched. He blinked a couple times, adjusting his eyes to the light of dawn. He slowly got out of bed. He walked over to the sink in the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He shook it off quickly, now fully awake. He yawned once more, cracked his back and decided to hit the day running.
The yellow unicorn with the short blue and purple mane trotted through his apartment, humming his own little tune. This tall stallion was excited because this was his first day in Canterlot. Gaze was from the small town down south called Ralneigh, North Corral-lina and he loved astronomy. During a tour of several underfunded towns, Celestia had noticed the young stallion's skill with a telescope and the positioning of the cosmic entities. She was so impressed, she asked Gaze to join her at Canterlot as part of the Royal Science Committee. Gaze stopped as he met the front door. He turned and smiled at the mirror he had right next to the door. He licked a hoof and messed around with his mane, trying to get it a little more presentable. He looked at himself from shimmering, blue eyes, to the cutie mark on his flank, which consisted of two purple stars and a blue one.
He couldn't find anything wrong, so he took a deep breath, looked at the door and muttered, "Here I come, Canterlot." He trotted out of his apartment, and down the hall. Odd, he expected to see more ponies moving around by now. He got into the empty elevator and waited to reach the lobby. Strange, he lived on one of the highest floors, but no pony stopped the elevator between there and the main floor. In the lobby, he noticed that no pony was at the service desk. Now this was really getting weird.
However, when he left the building to find every inch of the street deserted, along with the plaza across the street. He chalked it up to just. Plain. Scary. Gaze took a hard gulp and looked around. Not a single stallion, mare or foal was in sight. He ran to the corner and looked down the next corner. Empty. The unicorn made a bee line for a street corner diagonal of his location and looked around. Deserted. Everywhere he went was completely devoid of life.
This wasn't scary. This was terrifying. "Hello?!" He eventually called out. "Any pony there?!" His words echoed throughout the whole kingdom, landing on almost no ears.
Almost, except for the only other ears in all of Canterlot, which perked up at the sound. Gaze decided to head to the castle to try and find some pony there. However, when he turned a corner, he saw, barreling at him full speed, a hazy, white, pink and green blur. It took him a split second to realize what the hell was heading straight for him..
"Oh shit............"
Gaze didn't get the chance to run as the large figure tackled him to the ground with the force of a professional hoofball player. He was sure at least one of his ribs were broken, but he didn't wanna make any sudden moves with the creature still overhead. He could feel the creature's breath on his neck, warm and moist as it huffed. After a few moments of little to no movement, The creature finally spoke.
"Hello, my little pony. What are you doing in town today?" A motherly voice asked, masking the deadly situation the stallion was in. Instead of being afraid, he wanted to be happy to answer, but he knew it was a trap. He remained quiet, and hoped for the best.
"Hello? Are you alright my dear?"
The stallion trembled, not knowing how long he could remain silent. All he could do was pray a large chocolate bar fell from the sky and landed somewhere else in Canterlot to escape. It didn't appear it was his lucky day however, as unknown to him, the sun goddess had ran out of chick flicks today.
"ANSWER ME, SUBJECT!" The goddess screamed in his ear, causing Lucid Gaze to finally abandon his objective of no movement. His face contorted into a look of pure pain as he brought his hooves up to cover his ringing eardrums. He felt something drape over him and a sudden large presence touching the right side of his body, but he was in too much immediate pain to care. He continued to keep his eyes closed and silently prayed to the Maker that his death would be a quick one.
After a few moments of silence that seemed to last an eternity, he began to feel something warm traveling inside his body. All of his physical pain seemed to be melting away, and pure bliss replaced worry. It was one of the greatest feelings he'd ever had, but it left his body as suddenly as it came.
Wanting to see if the past few seconds was his entrance to a wonderful afterlife, he opened his eyes to look straight into the face of his "attacker," who was now crying like a mare who lost her coltfriend. She was uncomfortably hugging his body with her own, using her wing draped across his chest to pull him in.
"I'm so-so sorry, my lit-little pony. It's ju-just that I'm so l-l-lonely all the time. Now that my stud-dent is in Po-Po-Ponyville, I don't have anyone cl-close to talk to, with my sister running the night and my niece in the Cryst-Crystal Empire. I just..." The alicorn explained, sniveling the whole time.
At this point, Lucid just wanted to get the fuck out of there. His heart when out to her for the story, honestly, but this was getting too weird for his tastes. He would be glad to help and comfort the ruler of Equestria and his own personal savior, but she was obviously in a very emotional state and he did NOT wanna be the one around when she lost her temper. Again.
The sobbing and emotional release of the Sun Princess continued for a good 15 minutes, while Lucid Gaze remained in her embrace and listened, saying something helpful or positive when deemed appropriate. Lucid honestly had no idea how rough it was being Celestia. Between her royal duties, the declining relationship between the two Royal Alicorn Sisters, and no significant other to spend the rest of eternity with, she was stressed beyond belief. How she kept her royal, in-control yet caring figure was amazing to Lucid.
Everything seemed to be going quite well now to Lucid, all things considered of the day previously. While Celestia was still obviously depressed and stressed, she was getting slowly less and less tense as the conversation continued. Lucid had nearly forgotten what had even happened earlier, with his back and ribcage repaired by the alicorn's magic. Lucid didn't worry about work, considering his employer was sitting next to him. It was all strange, but the unicorn took it in stride.
"Thank you so much for listening," sniveled the princess. "Whenever I get like this, every pony leaves."
"Can't imagine why.." Muttered Lucid under his breath.
"What was that?" Celestia put her hooves on either side of his muzzle and looked intensely into his eyes.
"Uh..." The unicorn felt awkward. "Nothing." He lied.
"Oh good," Celestia wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her cheek against his, "It sounded as though you planned on leaving."
"What? No," Lucid forced a smile, "don't be ridiculous, Princess."
"Thank Me," she smiled, and spoke in a mushy, cutesy voice, "cause if you were to leave Gazey Wazey,I don't know what I'd do!"
Gazey Wazey? The stallion thought to himself. He had now reached 'terrified' level and was about to nope the fuck out of there, when...
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The Alicorn Princess began sobbing loudly.
Lucid Gaze winced at the decibel level she was reaching. "What's wrong, Princess?"
"Everything!!!" She screamed and began crying even louder.
Lucid did the only thing he could. He began stroking the Princess's mane, slowly, and attempting to calm her down. "Sssshhh. It's ok, I'm here. Sssshhh."
After ten minutes or so, the Goddess's screams began to die down, slowly but surely, until all that was left were some slight sniffles.
"Better now?" Lucid asked, as Celestia curled up, next to him.
She didn't say anything as her breathing slowed and she began to lightly snore.
OH THANK BUCKING CHRIST! Lucid thought as he ever so gently got up and began to step way from Celestia. His steps were well placed, so as not to hit anything that would disturb the sleeping alicorn. He moved with such grace and finesse, that Narrator One had to stop for a moment to marvel at the glory and splendor that the pseudo ballerina was performing before his very eyes. Fuck Baryshnikov and Michael Jackson, Lucid Gaze's fluid movements were more phenomenal than any dance he'd ever-
Narrator Two smacked Narrator One across his bitch face, getting him to focus once more.
As soon as Lucid turned a corner and was sure he was out of earshot, he picked up the pace and began trotting, trying to get as far away from the sun goddess as possible. After several blocks he noticed he was getting no where fast. He looked down and noticed his hooves weren't on the ground. He was levitating, surrounded by an indigo aura.
"What?" He looked around trying to find the source of the magic. He slowly began to move to his left, towards a large building. He moved to a flight of stairs leading down to an outdoor basement entrance. The door opened and he was transported down into the room.
As the door slammed behind him, the aura was dropped and he hit the ground. Looking around, the only light available to him was a slim, grimy window tracing the top of the wall.
"What the hay art thou still doing here?" Came a hushed, but authoritative voice. "All of the subjects were to be evacuated."
"Sorry, but I'm... new," Lucid looked around, trying to find the source of the voice however it seemed to echo around the room, even though it was a whisper.
"We're right here. foolish little," The voice cut itself short. "I'm sorry... old habits die hard." A figure made itself present out of the shadows. Her horn glowed as she spread her wings in a splendor.
"Princess Luna," Lucid bowed almost hitting his head on the ground. "I'm sorry, I should've known."
"It's quite alright, I'm just worried as to what you've just endured," Luna looked worried.
"It was a bit..." Gaze thought for a moment, "traumatizing."
"Yes, well, we need to get you out of here," Luna looked out of the window, to make sure the coast was clear.
"Princess," Lucid looked at her, "what're you still doing here?"
"For this precise reason," The lunar goddess answered. "There's always one or two ponies who get left behind."
Lucid was about to respond when a high pitched, shrieking voice echoed throughout the kingdom, "Gazy Wazey! Where'd you go?!"
"Gazey... Wazey.." Luna turned and stared and Lucid Gaze, a horrified expression on her face. "Dear Lord, did you imprint on her?"
"What?" The stallion looked confused.
"For the love of Day and Night did you imprint yourself onto her!?" Luna put her hooves on his shoulders.
"Uhh, I guess," Lucid looked a little scared. "But I didn't do it on purpose," He quickly added.
"Sweet Jesus(now canon in this story)..." Luna ran back to the door, "we need to get you out of here as soon as possible. If you stay anywhere too long she'll be able to pick up your scent." With that, the two of them headed out, going anywhere that wasn't there.
"Ya know, I honestly thought you were gonna take me somewhere secret or something, or maybe you'd show me some sort of secret tunnel running under fucking Canterlot that I didn't know about, but this..." he looked around Luna's bedroom, "is probably the LAST place I expected."
"Well, with our-I mean my sister running around the city looking for you, it's not safe to do much else." Luna replied in slight annoyance. Her demeanor softened quickly, however, "You should be quite safe here though, possibly safer than anywhere else. My scent is quite profound here, as it's my room," Luna explained, "so your scent shouldn't even be remotely detectable."
With the mention of scents in her bedroom, Lucid Gaze's mind instantly formulated images that Gaze would've quite enjoyed if it weren't for the Regent of Darkness herself standing not five feet away.
Goddamnit, dirty thoughts! I'm in a possible life-or-death situation, and you're still thinking about plot? Focus! Gaze thought to himself. when he came back to focus on the real world, he found Luna no longer in front of him. That was quickly answered with a final word from Luna as she exited the room.
"Stay here, and don't go anywhere else. I'll try to collect some things for you to do while Celestia's... time comes to pass, but it may be some time before we-I mean, I can return. Don't attempt anything foolish; Tartarus hath no mercy if you do." Luna warned before walking out and slamming the door shut behind her, leaving Lucid Gaze forever alone. In her room.
The Princess of the Night left a good-hearted, dirty-minded, terrified, nosy, astronomer stallion alone in her room with nothing to do for an undetermined amount of time.
"CUT!" A voice yelled, and everything went quiet. Time seemed to freeze, with Lucid Gaze freezing half-step. Two figures appeared from nowhere, each holding a stapled set of papers.
'What the hell? It was going good. I was thinking about going and getting popcorn before I have to read again," one of the figures said.
"I just realized we're getting to the part we hadn't decided on yet. We need to decide now before we continue; how fuckin' bad is this gonna get?" Narrator Two asked his fellow reader.
"Well, I've got a couple scenarios in mind. Which one you wanna use?" Narrator One answered.
"List 'em off for me, please.
"Well, we got the Lucid Gaze-Luna clop ending, we got a threesome between Lucid, Luna, and Celestia, ..."
"Uh, scratch that. Preferably not clop, especially involving Celestia. I'd rather not have to describe a bleeding vagina and try to make it sexy." Narrator One sighed and scratched a few things off of a piece of paper.
"Well, we got an ending where Cadence shows up and some sort of involvement in the story, another one that's the same thing, but with Twilight, uh... Oh, we even have..." Narrator One was about to continue, but #2 cut him off.
"You know what? Never mind. Surprise me. You pick up where I left off, I gotta go take a leak."
"Fine. Go take your bathroom break, wuss."
"I will. Now go back to reading already. The reader's are probably getting sick of this gag anyway." Narrator Two said before heading off, leaving Narrator numero uno to continue the show. He sighed before returning his attention back to the readers and the story.
"Sorry about that, uh, interruption, now back to the story."
The first ten minutes of isolation were fine. Lucid bummed around the somewhat spacious room, looking at all the knick-knacks on the shelf, spinning around in an office chair until he got dizzy and fell off. Twice. However, after those ten minutes, it was all the stallion could do to keep himself from snooping through the Princess's personal belongings. He paced around the room, trying to distract his perverse mind. He sat back in the office chair and began spinning slowly, whistling to himself.
"Uuuuggghh," Lucid tilted back in the chair, "who knew being locked in a mare's bedroom would be so boring." His vision flashed over to a set of drawers to his left. "Nope!" He covered his eyes, "Don't do it," he thought aloud, "you're better than this." After about five seconds of silence, he uncovered his eyes and started walking over to the drawers, "Buck it."
He slid the first drawer open and found an assorted collection of crap. He muttered the names of the articles as he sifted through the junk drawer, "Yo-yo. Misplaced playing cards. Walkman. Mehrunes' Razor. Anal Beads. Best of the Bee Gees?" He pulled out an old cassette tape, looked around to make sure Luna wasn't back yet, and pulled out the tape with his magic. "Oops." He went back to shuffling through the drawer. "Fat green monkey-like creature in a glass ball. Hey, I found Carmen San Diego and Waldo. Ugnaught plushie. Monkey's paw. Ball gag." He pulled a brass rod with a jagged, green crystal out of the drawer, "half of a sonic screwdriver."
After several more minutes of oddities and references, Lucid moved on to the second drawer. "Well..." Inside was page, after page, after extremely detailed sketch, after page of...
"Fan fic?" Lucid pulled out a small stack of papers that had been stapled together and began reading aloud. "'All was silent,'" He recited, "'All was still...'" He read a little farther. "'Lucid Gaze slowly yawned and stretched.' What the buck!?" Lucid was absolutely puzzled. He blinked a couple times in astonishment, but continued reading. After a few minutes he got to a certain line of text, "''Fan fic?" Lucid pulled out a small stack of papers that had been stapled together and began reading aloud.' Ok, this is getting weird," Lucid put the booklet down for a second, trying to wrap his brain around what the fuck was going on. He cleared his throat and continued reading, ""'All was silent,'" He recited, "'All was still...'" He read a little farther. "'Lucid Gaze slowly yawned and stretched.' What the buck!?"" What the actual buck!?!?" Lucid screamed at the stack of papers.
However, Narrator One put an end to this shtick, because if we were to go any farther, it would create an undefinable paradox in the fabric of the reality this fic is set in. We're still using this dimension of linear time/space so ~~I'm~~ Narrator One is shutting this down. Besides there would be no way to continue the story that Lucid is reading, because he's still reading it. This is actually where the paradox comes from. For you poor, simple people stuck with three dimensional brains, who would want us to continue this, let me explain. The only way we would be able to continue this dumb bit, is if we were to splinter the timeline. This is not ideal, as the line we would be focusing on would be a doomed time line, meaning that it would eventually collapse in on itself. The main timeline would also be worn thin and rendered most likely null or void. In that universe continuum, Lucid would have never even picked up the fan fic which may or may not have been or was yet to be written by Princess Luna. Does your head hurt? If so congratulations, you can't think on a fourth dimensional plane.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Narrator Two asked as he returned from the restroom, without washing his hands. He then noticed what was going on in the story and facepalmed at his co-worker's stupidity. "CUT!"
"Jesus, you're like a fucking three year old! Turn my back for 2 minutes to take a leak and you have a fucking paradox going on that I've already used in a fic! Great, just great. Now I know originality isn't too high in your standards!" The now-empty bladder carrying Narrator complained.
"Goddamnit, If you won't fucking continue the story in a good direction, then I will! Oh, another thing, I DID wash my hands, asshole!" Narrator Two yelled at Narrator One before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "Alright. Three, two, one, ACTION!"
As Luna ran after Celestia down the castle halls, she truly regretted doing nothing but sleep on the moon for a 1,000 years instead of jogging a couple laps a day around some moon craters. Celestia had entered the idiotic, gleeful stage of her menstrual emotional cycle, and she was now currently leading Luna in an extreme game of tag. What made it extreme was what was in Celestia's mouth; Luna's diary.
"Come on Lulu, you have to be faster than that!" The sun princess called behind to her sister.
"Celestia, end this now! What if one of the guard were to see their leaders frolicking like fillies?!" Luna commanded, even though deep down she knew Celestia wouldn't stop for anything she had to say.
"They could join in and stop judging!" Celestia replied. "We've been at work for thousands of years, they can love and tolerate a little fun from us for a short time!" Luna didn't have a response for that explanation, and even if she did she wouldn't have been able to say it as she focused in on her target; her sister's royal flank. Luna began to work overtime in her muscles to go faster, causing her to gain on her larger sister quickly.
"Oh, would you look at that! You finally get the Royal Scepter out of your-," Celestia was caught mid-sentence as her smaller sister tackled her with a surprising amount of force, sending them through a doorway at the end of their current hall. Celestia took the full impact of the blow as she forced the wooden doorway down with ease with her momentum.
As Luna rose to her hooves first and picked up her diary from the floor in her own magic and secured it from her sister, she noticed the moon emblem emblazoned on the now broken door. She looked up to meet the gaze of a yellow unicorn on her bed with their jaw dropped.
4 minutes earlier
Lucid Gaze laid stretched out on Luna's bed spread-eagle style, bored out of his skull. Honestly, he expected something exciting and different in a princess's bedroom, but his snooping revealed nothing.
The most interesting thing he had found was a weird, small device in one of her cabinets that folded up. It had the words GameBoy Advance and Nintendo along with really small print that he couldn't read on the back of it. It also had something sticking out of it with the word Pokémon Red on it, but after 5 minutes of tampering, he couldn't figure out what it did or was supposed to do..
The only thing Gaze could think of to do is take a nap, which he didn't really need. He had gotten a good amount of sleep the previous night for his first day at his new job, and didn't find himself sleepy at all. Still, it seemed like a better idea than anything else. He closed his eyes to darkness, and tried to allow the wonderful world of dreams to overtake him. The approaching hoofsteps said otherwise.
At first he thought it was just his imagination, but a quick pinch to the forehoof revealed this wasn't a dream, and a quick flick to the ear proved he was hearing perfectly fine. Why were there ponies running in the castle, then? He didn't know what the guards could be doing running down the halls. He didn't think anyone sane would attempt committing a crime in the castle during this... time. He remembered Celestia's burst of rage from before: that shit was scarier than anything he had ever encountered in his life.
It could have been Luna, but if it was, someone was with her. He didn't know why she would split off a guard for him. Well, his question was answered before he could think of any other scenarios as the door across the room burst open and down along with two very large ponies. Two ponies he recognized as the rulers of Equestria.
Luna was on top of Celestia and recovered first, grabbing a small, black book in her magic as she got up. She looked up at Lucid Gaze with a look that can only be described as sheer terror. Celestia grumbled on the ground, then began crying.
"Lulu, what was that for? I didn't..." Celestia looked up with one tear trailing down her face straight at Lucid Gaze. In an amount of time that shouldn't have been possible, she grew a smile that was equally impossibly large. "GAZEY-WAZEY!"
Shit. Gaze swore in his mind.
As fast as his legs would carry him, Lucid Gaze sped down the vast expanse of a corridor, in a vain attempt to escape the hormone induced insanity of Princess ~~Molestia~~ Celestia. He ran so fast, everything was like a blur: that table he just ran by, with the vase on it, that wall mounted brazier, that window with the lovely satin curtains, that... table with the vase... that brazier... that... window with the curtains... That fUCKING TABLE AGAIN!!!
"Cut!" Screamed Narrator One. He walked out onto the set, swinging his hips in a rather flamboyant manner, attempting to be the stereotyped, gay director. This isn't at all how ~~I~~ he acts in real life, really. He popped his hip and pulled a bad bitch hand as he stood in front of the background. "What... the... fuck... is this?" He gestured with both hands at the cartoonish, flat wallpaper of what was supposed to be their background. It had been taped to a sideways treadmill, to give the effect of movement. "Betch, if it didn't work for the Flintstones who the fuck thought it would work here?" He swiveled around on the ball of his foot and stared at the behind the scenes crew. "Which one of you did this?"
"Dude, just shut up and get back to the story," Complained Narrator Two, as he sat in his director's chair, double face palming. "It's not that big of a deal. No one fuckin' noticed 'til you pointed it out," He explained in his light, southern accent.
"You're right," Agreed Narrator Two's partner as he sat back in his respective director's chair, "this bit is getting kind of old."
"Well I didn't say that, but now that you mention it," Two gestured to the camera, "they're all probably pretty damn sick of it."
"Well I would stop all of this, except I left the fourth wall in my other pants," Narrator One said, as he crossed his left leg over his right, as snarkily as possible.
"You what?" Two turned and stared at his partner. "Do you mean to tell me, we don't even have a fourth wall?"
"Nope," One answered, shuffling his script, "we are a sad, handicapped cubicle. But enough of this shit- QUIET ON THE SET!" He yelled behind him. "Scene Rape; Take Two! Action!"
"Scene what?" Lucid stared behind the camera at the narrator, but never got an answer to his question, because Celestia had tackled him, before he could finish the word, 'what.'
"GAZEY WAZEY," Celestia rolled around on the floor, clutching her prey close, "Where have you been? Why did you leave?"
"I was gonna come back, I swear, Princess," Gaze managed to say, through gasps for breath.
"You thank me!" Celestia cried. Her voice grew very quiet as she gave Lucid the most intimidating death stare he had ever received, "Because if you didn't, I would have to hunt you down and rip your throat out."
The yellow unicorn gave a wide eyed frown as these words sunk in.
Celestia, acting as though nothing were wrong, giggled loudly and gave Lucid a large kiss on the cheek. She then hugged him, even tighter. Over the sun goddess's shoulder, Lucid stared at Luna who had just caught up. His expression was that of an animal in pain. His look read, "Take me out. Some pony snap my neck bone and take me out."
Luna used her magic to summon a sign, so Celestia wouldn't hear her talk. The sign read, 'Hang on. I got a plan.'
Luna teleported to her dresser and began pulling out objects, looking for three in particular. After a few seconds of searching with her magic, she pulled out two objects from one shelf, and the third from another. Lucid watched her with mild curiosity. Mostly her flank, but he watched. Luna lifted the objects in her magic, giving him a clear view of the equipment for her plan. All Lucid could think was "WTF," and his face showed it.
Trust me. She mouthed before approaching Lucid with Celestia still on top from behind. Suddenly, she forcefully inserted the ball gag into Celestia's mouth, causing the Sun Goddess to yell through the ball gag. Luna strapped it on tight and brought up the monkey's paw.
"GO AWAY AND DO NOT RETURN TO US UNTIL YOU ARE SANE ONCE MORE!" Luna commanded to the monkey's paw. Celestia's eyes widened as she realized what was happening, but as soon as she prepared her magic, she was teleported away, leaving Lucid Gaze still lying on the floor. He grunted as he tried to return to his feet.
"Thanks, Luna. Any longer and I'm pretty sure I would've suffocated." Lucid said.
"Your welcome." Luna replied with a small smile on her face.
"I just have two questions."
"What would those be?"
"One, why'd you use the ball gag on her if she was being teleported away and two, why'd you pull out the half of a sonic screwdriver anyway?" Lucid asked, causing Luna to grow a look of confusion.
"Ummm... well, I'm not quite sure. I can't answer either of those questions." Luna admitted, looking down at the now very interesting floor. Lucid was about to leave it at that, when something else caught his eye.
"Wait a second, is that a monkey's paw!?" Lucid Gaze half screamed out.
"Yes, why?" Luna asked.
"It's a MONKEY'S PAW!" Lucid yelled at Luna, who still seemed confused.
"Yes, it is. So?"
"So?! If you actually used the monkey's paw, that means something exponentially worse is gonna happen in payment for that wish!" Lucid explained. Luna simply laughed, which made Lucid all the more pissed off. "What the hell's so funny?!
"Oh Lucid Gaze, the whole monkey's paw/bad happenings superstition is completely false. It's just an old fairy tale that elders told young ones to prevent them from making some stupid..." Luna was cut off as a large pink blob rammed through the wall plowing straight into Lucid without stopping.
"What in the name of... Princess Cadence!?" Luna said as the pink alicorn rose from the Lucid's body with a look of pure anger.
"YOU HAVE FIVE GODDAMN SECONDS TO EXPLAIN WHY THE HELL MY AUNT JUST TELEPORTED INTO MY LAP AT A GOVERMENTAL COUNCIL MEETING WITH A BALL GAG IN HER MOUTH!!!" Cadence screamed, causing Luna to seemingly shrink like a little foal.
"Well, you see..." Luna began, but was cut off again by the Princess of Love.
"DUNKY-WUNKY!!!" Cadence screamed out, looking directly at Narrator One, who had been enjoying a cup of loose leaf, green oolong tea that was now spat onto the ground.
"What the-," Narrator One was tackled by the Princess of Cutof-Love to the ground, knocking over his chair and sending his tea all over his pants, making it look like he pissed himself. Narrator Two looked on while taking a sip of A&W root beer, straight from the can.
"The... hell? Get off of me..." Narrator One struggled against the alicorn, but to no avail. "How is this even possible? They can't interact with us unless we explicitly speak to them or..." A look of realization formed on his face and looked at his co-narrator, now bearing an evil grin.
"Ya know, it's amazing what you can do with the power of a narrator. Really empowering, since I can make anything I want happen, like say Cadence is on her own period and my good friend Mr. Narrator One is imprinted on her." Narrator One looked at Narrator Two with a face of terror.
"Come on, what the HELL... did I do to you!?" Narrator One tried to reason with his fellow narrator, but the head between his legs was stepped on by the still-dominating alicorn. He grunted, all to the joy of Narrator Two.
"Well, one, you continued this stupid gag," Narrator Two waved his hands over the whole production stage, "even though I tried to kill it off, and don't say you didn't know, because I TOLD YOU I was. You lied about me not washing my hands, and you know DAMN WELL I take personal hygiene seriously. And three," Narrator Two crouched down to speak into his partner's ear, "I'm just that much of an asshole." He then returned his gaze to Luna and Lucid Gaze, now just standing in place, confused about what they should be doing.
"You two are free to go." Narrator Two told them. They didn't hesitant for a moment, both bolting away with the speed of Rainbow Dash. Narrator Two returned his gaze back to the person getting forcibly kissed by the Princess of Love.
"Well, looks like it's already began without me saying a word." Narrator Two looked at the camera crew for confirmation on recording. They cleared yes, and Narrator Two's smile grew a mile wide.
"Well, without further adieu, ACTION!"
Author's Note
Silver's note: Had a lot of fun with this one. Go check out Shardz for more cool shit. Comment what we did right, what you hated, grammar errors. Honestly, although I get attacked by Cadence, I'm perfectly fine with the ending, so no need to defend me in the comments... not like you were going to anway... You were probably laughing your hot little ass off at the end.
Shardz's note: Narrator One= Silverlinings, Narrator Two= Shardz. Just in case you hadn't already figured it out. P.S. *Rereads story from start to finish during editing* Damn, this story went downhill fast. 
