Stories That Weren't

by Cloud Hop

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure
Length: 1932

Have you ever wondered what would happen if ponies just didn't go into the Everfree Forest alone at midnight? No? Not even a little bit? Well, I've got you tied up anyway so it's not like you have any choice. No, you can't have a glass of water.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if ponies just didn't go into the Everfree Forest alone at midnight?

...No? Not even a little bit?

Well, I've got you tied up anyway so it's not like you have any choice. No, you can't have a glass of water. Now, listen closely...

Published 2015-04-11 14:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-11 14:40:01 UTC

2...?

Stepping inside, you hear the door click shut behind you. Without warning, Twilight jumps into your hooves, mashing her warm lips against yours. "Oh, I can't believe I've waited so long for this," she purrs, nuzzling your neck and wrapping one of her wonderful feathery appendeges around your barrel. Barely giving you a chance to breathe, she presses her lips against you again, sliding her tongue into your mouth, as her hoof reaches down for—

Author's Note

Woah, ah, heh heh heh, that's uh, I have no idea how that got into my notes. I totally didn't write that. Nope. No idea who did. I wonder how they slipped it in there! Ha ha ha...!

No, I do not have a crush on Twilight! Why you little—

There, that'll teach you not to talk back to me. Anyway, where were we?

Aha! Here's the story I wanted. Now then...

2. Mare-Do-Nothing

"Call me silly, but I think this whole hero thing might be going to Rainbow Dash's head," said Twilight Sparkle.

"You may be right... silly," agreed Pinkie Pie. "This calls for drastic measures!"

"Like what?" asked Applejack, now slightly concerned for everypony's safety.

"Well, how about we each dress up as a mysterious pony that shows up just in time to steal Rainbow Dash's glory over and over until she loses all of her self-esteem to teach her a lesson about being modest?"

Her friends blinked.

"Are you serious?!" exclaimed Twilight, "That's just cruel! How about we just talk to her instead? You know, because we're her friends."

"Oh all right," pouted Pinkie Pie, "but that's not nearly as fun."

"Oh, I didn't realize I was being such a... prick," said Rainbow Dash, looking sheepish.

"It's fine, darling, you were just letting it, shall we say, go to your head," explained Rarity, patting the pegasus on the back.

Rainbow Dash sighed. "Yeah, sorry about that, I'll try to tone it down."

Twilight nudged Pinkie Pie. "I told you!" she hissed.

The End.

Author's Note

See, isn't that a much more suitable ending?

Of course there isn't any plot! Don't you get it? Plots are the enemy! Stories with plot are evil! The only way you can have a meaningful plot is with conflict! Conflict breeds disharmony, and then everyone's calling each other names!

Don't ever say that again! Agreeing to disagree is the worst idea anypony has ever come up with! All you're doing is ignoring the fact that the other person is wrong! You can't build a society on that. Everyone has to agree, to come to a consensus, otherwise no one will know peace.

No, I don't care if the ropes are too tight. You're a big stallion, now act like one.

You aren't going to get a shower until you've properly adjusted.

Ack!

That is not what a properly adjusted pony does! That is the opposite of being properly adjusted! Now be quiet!

I said be QUIET!

Good, now, where was I...?

Hey, Get Back Here!

It had taken almost an hour to work your hooves out of the ropes binding you, but you managed to knock over the chair and take out that poor mare by the door. There's no time to worry about that, though, as your hooves carry you through the strange underground labyrinth you woke up in this morning. Cold gray stone lines the corridors as you gallop through them, blindly stumbling through the twisting and turning passageways, desperate to find anything that looked like a way out.

You can hear angry shouts just a few seconds behind you, but not the telltale pounding of the guards' hooves... yet. It seems the megalomaniac who was reading her terrible literature to you hasn't quite managed to mobilize her security team, yet. It is a small reprieve, but your heart pounds in your chest as you turn another corner and find yourself in yet another stone hallway. Even if you had a map, you probably wouldn't be able to find your way out of this granite maze.

You spot a doorway on your left, and slide to a stop. Peeking around the frame, the room seems empty and unused, lit only by that mysterious ambient light that seemed to pervade the entire complex. Dashing inside, you allow yourself to collapse against the wall and catch your breath.

Think. Think. You've been kidnapped by a crazed mare and held hostage in some kind of underground dungeon. You don't know how you got here. This morning, you woke up in an empty stone room, with a pitiful helping of bread as your breakfast. Several burly guards armed with very pointy sticks entered your room some time later and bound your hooves. Then you were taken to that room and forced to listen to that stupid mare's spiel about creating a new civilization devoid of conflict.

It was really boring.

You want nothing more than to go back home, away from this insane nightmare, but wishful thinking isn't going to solve your problems. You need to focus. Unfortunately, all you know right now is that you're in some kind of underground labyrinth made out of rock, with no obvious means of escape or any way to find one. Maybe if you—

Wait, what was that? Hoofsteps, coming closer! Quickly, you move towards the darkest corner in the room, on the same wall as the doorway, and try not to breathe. Several sets of hooves trot past the doorway, and pause. Your heart skips a beat, but you don't dare make a sound. You pray they won't have the presence of mind to stick their head in the doorway.

Seconds tick by in slow motion. After an eternity, you finally hear the clopping of hooves move away from the door, and let out a sigh of relief. A minute later, you set a hoof outside the door, and carefully look both ways.

The path seems clear, and you carefully canter down the hallway, ears perked. You can hear faint conversations carrying around the rocky bends of the hallways, too distorted to fully make out. You are so focused on listening for anypony coming near you, you almost miss the slight breeze playing against your fur.

A breeze? You freeze, and let the air flow past you. There. It's faint, but there is a constant flow of air moving towards the... well, whatever that direction is. You start down the passage to your left at a brisk pace, trying to go as quickly as possible without making any noise. You don't know if this breeze will lead you outside or deeper into the labyrinth, but it's better than wandering around endless gray halls with no direction.

It's been almost a half hour, by your estimates, but the breeze is very pronounced now. You can feel that you're getting close, but so are the voices. Wherever you're heading, it seems like it sees a lot of traffic. Pressing you back to the wall, you peek around the corner, and see a doorway flanked by two guards, who are currently talking with a young mare. You can't see very well past the doorway, but it seems like some kind of massive cavern.

An escape! But how will you get past the guards? Looking around, you spot a small pebble on the ground, and pick it up. Waiting until the mare has left and the guards have returned to their positions, you hurl it across the intersection, and then quickly retreat into a nearby room.

"What was that?" You hear the guards quickly trotting towards you. You peer around the doorway just in time to see their tails as they stare down the empty hallway opposite of you. Seizing the opportunity, you gallop past them and into the portal, bursting through the doorway into...

Into...

Where am I...?

You find yourself on one side of an enormous cavern, carved out from ancient rock, presumably deep below the surface. The various cave structures formed by the stalactites and stalagmites might have been beautiful, but they were drowned out by the stunning feature in the center.

A gigantic ancient city, wrought from the stone floor itself, occupies the entire center of the cavern. Huge spires erupt from the ground, and magnificent buildings are connected by graceful arcs of stone, forming mighty causeways suspended above the cavern floor. The entire city is bathed in a dull blue light, as small bright crystals embedded in the walls serve as lighting. Smooth, polished stone is decorated with pillars and spires that seem to defy all the known architectures of ancient pony civilizations.

The city itself is mostly abandoned, it's inhabitants lost to the sands of time, save for a small corner, where a makeshift camp has been set up. You would have taken in more details, except for the fact that the guards had already noticed you galloping past them and are now headed straight for you.

"Hey, you! Stop! Get that pony!"

Uh oh.

You have no choice but to flee into the ancient ruins, deep inside a cave that has given you more questions than answers...

1. A Beautiful Morning

It was a beautiful morning in Ponyville, and high above the domain of the earth ponies floated a fluffy white house. Within, a cyan colored pegasus cracked her eyes open as the first rays of sunlight reached through her window and spilled across her rainbow-colored mane. With a yawn, Rainbow Dash got up and—

"Buck off," said Rainbow Dash.

...Except it was the weekend, so Rainbow Dash didn't actually get up.

The End.

Author's Note

So, did you like it?

...No? Why not?

Well, of course nothing happened, that's the point! Ugh, what is wrong with you ponies?

What was that? Oh no, I'm quite certain you'll never see them again. But no matter, I'm sure you can make some friends in the village to replace them.

Honestly, with that kind of language, the only reason I haven't put the gag back on is because I'm curious about your opinion!

3. Mare Of Science

"So, um, run that by me again, sugarcube?" asked Applejack, rubbing the back of her neck with a hoof.

Twilight puffed out her chest. "I'm going to explain to Starlight Glimmer why she's wrong about everything using clear, undisputable facts!"

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Aaaaand, ya'll think that'll convince her?"

Twilight looked surprised. "Well of course it'll convince her, she's wrong. I just have to explain to her in patient, easy to understand terms why everything she believes in is wrong and she'll apologize for what she did!"

Applejack facehooved. "Well, don't say ah didn't warn ya..."

Twilight and Applejack approached the cage, where a pale fuchsia mare sat behind the bars in a disgruntled heap.

"Starlight Glimmer," began Twilight, "are you a mare of science?"

"No," spat the mare on the other side of the bars.

"Oh." Twilight Sparkle blinked. "Well, uh, nevermind then."

The End

Author's Note

See? No conflict! Now if Twilight would just—

No, you can't have a glass of water. Stop asking.

Oh, go get stuffed. Now, the point here is that most ponies can't be reasoned with, so you shouldn't even try. Rational debate isn't going to get you anywhere. No, I am not being a hypocrite! I'm just... it was for demonstration purposes only!

Oh, hello Sunbreeze.

Is that so? Interesting. Well, no matter, I—

Hey! Stop him right now! Get back here you filthy maggot! Get back here!