Royal Punisher

by whatmustido

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Other, Shining Armor, Human
Length: 2667

You are Anonymous, royal punisher for Princess Celestia. Your job is amazing.

Some times, good ponies do bad things. And when those ponies do naughty things, they need to be punished. That is where you step in. Welcome to your life as the royal punisher.

Published 2014-08-21 21:10:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-21 21:10:04 UTC

The price of failure

You are Anonymous. It’s your third or so year in Equestria, most of which was spent in Canterlot.

Your job is THE BEST.

“You hear about what happened with Shining Armor?” one of the guards mutters to another while you slowly walk past in the cafeteria.

“After he dropped the ball against the changelings, I heard he’s getting… corporal punishment,” the other guard whispers back, his voice full of horror.

“You heard right,” you say from behind them, making both of them freeze and their hair stand on end.

You are Anonymous, Royal Punisher.

The guards are too scared to do anything but slowly crane their heads toward you, mouths dropped and eyes open wide.

“His punishment is in an hour, actually. Remember, all guards not on active duty must attend.” You sigh in feigned disappointment. “New policy, I’m afraid.”

A policy that you suggested.

“Y-y-yes, Sir A-Anonymous,” one of them, presumably the braver one, stutters. “W-we’ll be there!”

“I certainly hope so,” you disinterestedly say, putting your hands on their heads ever so softly. “Failure to attend results in five minutes in heaven with yours truly.” They both flinch away from your hands, already starting to sweat. “Well, heaven for me, at least. Enjoy your meals, now.”

You begin to walk away. As soon as you do, both of them push their trays back and sprint away from the table, all appetite lost.

Yes, you quite enjoy your job.

The hour passes quickly. You don your pointless punisher’s hood and stand next to your instrument of choice, in front of the ranks of royal guards. The sun princess stands at ease next to you, not at all wary of you.

After all, the one who wields a tool usually has little to fear from it.

…Until she becomes careless.

Several private citizens are also in attendance. His family, his new wife, and many of his friends. They’re probably there to give him encouragement, if you had to guess. It wasn’t your business, anyway.

Finally, the exact moment comes. The ranks of guards smartly step aside, leaving a line down the middle of the large arena. The stallion himself slowly walks down the center of the group of guards, two of his own men flanking his chained form. He’s missing all of his armor, but stands tall and proud despite his nakedness.

Not that ponies are really unused to that, of course.

Despite his slow pace, the excitement you are feeling seemingly quickens time itself. All too soon, he’s standing before you and the princess.

“Shining Armor, you have been pronounced guilty of neglect of your duties,” Princess Celestia loudly intones, her soft voice carried by magic throughout the entire arena. “Normally, such a failure would result in termination of your rank. However, given your success in throwing the changelings out, as well as… other extenuating circumstances—” Like having a princess for a wife and Twilight for a sister… “—it was decided that your punishment shall be lightened. Guards, his chains.”

The two guards flanking him solemnly remove Shining Armor’s chains, unlocking him and letting him stand unfettered.

“Do you have any words before the punisher begins, Shining Armor?” Celestia gently asks.

“No, your majesty,” Shining Armor asks, his voice unwavering.

“Then approach the royal punisher.” He does so, his legs seemingly stiff. It was obvious that he was putting on a brave face. But he’ll crack.

They always crack.

“Royal punisher, you may begin your dark duty,” the princess sadly says, most of her display of toughness gone.

Both of your hands immediately shoot down toward Shining Armor and you grab him under his front legs. Before he can even register what’s happening, you plant your ass in your royal punisher chair and put him over your legs.

“Count, Captain,” you mockingly say, lifting his tail.

He makes no reply other than setting his teeth.

Seeing that he was going to stay stubborn until the bitter end, you bring your right hand down on his flank sharply, beginning his spanking. The first slap echoes through the entire field, making all the guards and guests flinch.

Shining’s body stays firm, evidence to you that he’s trying to fight it by tensing his muscles. The poor, silly pony doesn’t know that only makes it worse.

Celestia just watches impassively, though you can tell she’s saddened by the affair.

“One,” Shining grunts. His amplified voice carries all through the arena, giving hope to his guards and family both. They want him to make it.

He won’t.

You bring your hand up and then slap it down again, hitting his other flank.

“Two!” Shining yells, his voice obviously more strained. Up and down again, your hand slapping his other flank. ”T-three!” he hisses. The guards all seem to slump, but his family still holds out hope.

After all, most of his family hasn’t seen you at work yet.

Your hand comes back down, hitting right on his cutie mark. Again, the slap echoes through the air, but this time it’s followed by a small grunt. You also felt him give a little, meaning he’s barely fighting it anymore.

“Four!” he calls out, his voice getting hoarse.

And up and down again, your hand impacting his flesh and finally leaving its mark, a bright red handprint right across his white booty. He fully whimpers this time, and his entire body jolts with it, signifying his surrender.

“Five!” he cries, his voice cracking slightly.

You raise your hand once more and again slap his ass, leaving a matching handprint on the other side. He actually cries out in pain this time, the loud and sudden noise making all the ponies in the audience flinch. Most of them look away.

“S-s-six!” Shining Armor screams.

You raise your hand for another blow, but a golden glow stops you in your tracks. For a moment, you think Celestia wants you to stop, but when you look up, she’s gazing out onto the crowds.

“Guards!” They all look up at her, fear and sorrow evident in their eyes. “You must not look away. There is no rank that is immune to failure and no rank that is immune to punishment. Watch your leader and see his pain. Those that look away may soon find themselves in his place.”

Slowly, their eyes gravitate once more toward you. Celestia releases your arm and turns back to you, nodding.

In response, you slap Shining Armor’s ass again, finally making it jiggle. He yelps in pain. “P-please! No more!”

You lift your hand again to teach him not to backtalk, but Celestia stops you once more. “This is your warning, Shining Armor. Spanks that you do not count will not be counted toward your total.”

“Princess, please! I’m a good guard, I don’t—”

Celestia releases your arm and you immediately use it to slap Shining Armor’s ass again, making him start crying. As your hand rears back for another, he whimpers, “S-seve—Aaah!”

Right as he ends the word, your arm connects with his flank, making him scream yet again.

“E-hey-hey-height!” With him crying and trying to talk at the same time, it’s pretty hard to understand what the fuck he’s saying. But you’re pretty sure that counts as a number, so you start to slap his ass yet again.

However, this time your arm is stopped by a different aura, one that is blue. Your eyes gaze up at the audience, wondering who dares, but your question is answered by a pink alicorn flying down from his family’s section.

“Princess Celestia, please! Shining Armor didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Cadance, release the royal punisher’s arm at once. Shining Armor’s punishment will only be increased should you continue this foolishness.”

Cadance stays silent for a moment, staring at her blubbering wreck of a husband, before looking back to the princess. “I want to take his remaining spanks,” she says, making all the guards gasp in shock.

Celestia’s horsey lips purse and she looks at Shining Armor, who is slowly catching his breath and wondering why he got a momentary reprieve. When he sees Cadance, his eyes go wide.

Celestia smartly nods. “Normally such a thing would be forbidden. But I think this one time, I will allow it… on one condition.”

“Name it!” Cadance says, happy to do anything to protect her love.

“Five more will be added to his tally,” Celestia says. “Such is the price of interrupting a state punishment.”

Cadance pales, but nods. “I agree.”

“So be it. Royal punisher, show the prisoner.”

That’s your cue. You grab Shining Armor around the middle and stand, lifting his ass to the crowd to show that the punishment had been properly administered. Both cheeks were cherry red and his stallionhood was freely dangling from its sheath, showing exactly what he thought of his punishment.

“T-that was… only eight!” Shining Armor whispered to you, finally back to being coherent. “What happened?”

“Oh, you’ll see,” you whisper back, your smile straining against the mask.

His face goes from pained to worried, but he doesn’t reply. “Royal punisher, set the prisoner down,” Celestia says. You do so, letting him face the crowd with shame in his eyes.

Then he sees his wife standing on the stands with all of you. “C-cadance?” he whispers, eyes wide.

“Yes, my love,” Cadance says, wearing a sad smile.

“But, w-what are y-you doing here?”

“Royal punisher, resume your duty!” Celestia calls out.

Cadance walks up to you as you sit again. Shining Armor jumps in front of her. “Cadance, no!”

“I love you, Shining Armor,” she says as you pick her heavy fucking alicorn ass up and put her on your lap.

He starts to say something else, but you yank Cadance’s tail up and bring your hand down right on her ass, making her yelp in surprise.

“Count, Princess,” you say a moment too late, because you wanted to surprise her.

“One,” she evenly says, looking away from her love and toward the arena wall.

“You can’t do this!” Shining says, rushing toward you. A golden glow stops him and forces him to sit on his pained bottom, making the tears return.

When you know he’s watching, you bring your hand down on Cadance’s pretty little booty again, the slap echoing far and wide.

“Two!” Cadance yells, trying to use anger to hide her growing pain.

You aren’t having any of that, so you lift your hand up and bring it down quickly, stopping just before her body. She flinches from the expected hit, which is when you meet her with the actual spank, making her cry out in pain.

“T-three!” she yells again, trying to keep up the act.

You slap her right on her hearty cutie mark, making her squeek and whimper at the same time. That sound was funny enough that you actually paused before you could hit her again, giving her the moment she needed to collect herself.

“Four!”

Oh no, you aren’t having this.

You rear your hand far back and drop that shit right on her flank, leaving a bright red mark and making her entire body recoil. The crown she was wearing finally falls to the ground.

Taking that as some sort of sign, she finally begins crying in pain. Shining Armor also starts crying again more heavily, sharing his wife’s pain as she takes the punishment of his failure.

Of course, that doesn’t bother you, since your hand was lifted back for another whack. She beats you to it by whimpering out, “F-f-five!” though.

Still, you get her good again, imprinting your hand on her other flank and making that once-pretty booty quake. At that point, many of the guards are openly crying as well. Unfortunately, their family is too far away to see, so you can’t tell their reactions.

Cadance is currently too busy breaking down to answer, so you lift your hand again to ready your blow. However, Celestia again halts your arm. “This is your warning, Cadance. Count.”

“Y-y-you m-monster!” Cadance whimpers through the tears. Celestia gives her a look of pity before releasing your hand.

Of course, you bring it right down on her cutie mark again to punish her for calling her princess a monster. She screams out in pain and you start spanking her in earnest, blow after blow of quick hits to teach her a lesson. A few of the crying guards begin to sob and Shining Armor actually starts to wail.

After about ten of the fast, less painful hits, you pause for a moment to let your hand rest.

She takes advantage of that pause and cries, “S-hi-hi-hix!” Tears are streaming down the poor mare’s face and snot starts to drip as well, all of her composure completely gone.

There’s only one more spank left to her name, so you know you have to make it count. Your hand rears back far and the entire stadium goes silent, each pony present knowing your signature finishing move is coming.

Your hand comes down at an incredible speed and Shining Armor screams before it can connect, feeling the phantom pain before it can even hit. However, his wife soon mimics that scream of pain, the last spank echoing through the arena like an obese man’s fart in a church.

After the screams and echoes from the slap fade away, the only sound in the arena is the sniffling of the loving couple as they try to regain any amount of composure. However, the final count has not been made.

Your arm slowly lifts to mete out yet another finisher if Cadance can’t pronounce the punishment over. Right when your hand reaches the peak, she faintly whispers, “S-seven…”

All the guards let out a collective sigh of relief as one of their rulers is spared even more pain.

“Royal punisher, show the prisoner.” That nigga be trippin’, man. This bitch is fucking heavy.

But it’s your duty, so you grab Cadance around the midsection and slowly stand, pulling her tail out of the way when you’re sure you won’t fall over from her weight.

One of the less intelligent guards whistles in appreciation at the sight, and you figure you’ll probably be seeing him soon. The others all look away in fear. They know that next time, it could be them with the shiny red ass.

“You’re so mean, Anon,” Cadance whispers.

“Be good and I won’t tell them about the large wet spot on my black pants,” you whisper back.

She actually giggles as you set her down. Celestia releases Shining Armor from the spell and he rushes to his wife, hugging her close and telling her what a fool she was.

Celestia gazes out over the crowd of guards and says, “Remember this when you leave this arena, my loyal guardsponies: Failure will always be punished. Now go back to your duties.”

They all perform a hasty salute and quickly file out or fly away, leaving you alone in the arena with just the guilty man, his wife, his family, and the princess. Since your job is done and you’re supposed to maintain a veneer of anonymity, you begin leaving the arena as well.

As you do, though, you feel something else in your pants aside from the wet spot Cadance left behind. You reach into your pocket and pull out a slip of paper covered in pink writing with dots above the i’s.

"Meet me and my husband in our room tonight. I have to punish him for kissing that changeling while I was gone. Love, Princess Cadance.”

Well… you do have to follow the orders of the princesses… Your smile once again strains at your mask.

You love your fucking job.

Author's Note

I have no idea why I wrote this. Thoughts on if I should do more, involving other ponies? And remember that he's the royal punisher, not just the royal spanker.

In case you prefer pastebin for some reason: http://pastebin.com/aqrX641S