Royal Cuddler

by whatmustido

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Other, Shining Armor, Sex
Length: 3129

You are Anonymous, royal cuddler for Princess Celestia. You want your old job back.

Sometimes, good ponies do great things. And when those ponies do great things, they need to be rewarded. That is where you unfortunately step in. Welcome to your new, unwanted life as the royal cuddler.

Published 2014-08-22 22:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-22 22:50:03 UTC

The fruits of success

It’s your fourth or so year in Equestria, most of which was spent in Canterlot.

The new responsibilities to your job are not exactly THE BEST. But unfortunately, you were too effective at your primary job, so Celestia had to cut you a deal to keep you on her staff.

“You hear about what happened with Shining Armor?” one of the guards asks the other as you stalk the halls, looking for any signs of disobedience. Lucky for them, talking while on duty is allowed when they aren’t in public.

“After saving that picnic from the rampaging fire ants, I heard he’s getting special cuddles!” the other guard happily replies, smiling.

“You heard right,” you grumble as you pass them, making them both look up to you.

You are Anonymous, Royal cuddler.

They both smile at your appearance and comment, happy to see you. “Oh, Sir Anonymous!” one says. “Are you looking forward to spending some time with Captain Shining Armor? After what happened a year ago…”

“That was an official duty, guard. And so is this. His reward will be in an hour or so.” You sigh and regretfully say the next line: “Remember, all guards not on active duty are allowed to listen at the door. New policy, sadly.” A policy that you vehemently fought against.

Their smiles only deepen and one says, “We might be there, if we get off in time. It’ll be so nice to see him happy after seeing him… like that.”

“Yeah. Right.”

Another part of your new duty is petting everyone you speak to at least once, so you reach both your hands up to gently scratch at their ears. They both lean into your hands, sighing in delight.

You finally relent and pull your hands back. “Enjoy guard duty, fellas,” you say, walking away without a backwards glance.

“Have fun with Captain Shining Armor!” they both happily call as you leave.

Your job is no fun anymore…

The hour passes slowly. Most of the interim time was spent readying your royal cuddling room. Making sure the pillows were properly fluffed, making sure all the candles were those Shining Armor would like (lavender and cotton candy), and wondering where you went wrong in life.

This time, there is no crowd for your deed. No Princess Celestia to dictate how the act goes, no guards to spectate your dark doings, no family to care and pray for the victim.

Just you and Shining Armor.

He somewhat reluctantly pushes the door open, slowly stepping into your candlelit room. “Anon, are you in here?”

“I’m afraid not,” you say. “I am the royal cuddler. Shining Armor, you are to be rewarded for your heroic deeds.”

“Anon, there’s really no need for this.”

“I know that and you know that. You put a small wall up in front of some fucking ants, for Christ’s sake.”

“Hey, those were fire ants! I definitely deserve to be rewarded, more than I ever deserved to be spanked!” You raise an eyebrow and he coughs slightly. “But… I have a wife. I would much rather be rewarded by her, thank you.”

“Well, as soon as she becomes the royal cuddler, you can get all the cuddles you want from her. Until then, I need this job. So accept your cuddles like a man.”

“Anon, I’m a pony.”

“Then accept them like a stallion.”

Before he can sass you any more, you jerk your hand down and start rubbing his ears, one of the only parts of his head not covered by the helmet. His head slowly gravitates toward your hand, a strange smile coming to his face.

“See there? You already like it.”

“Do not!” he rebuts, shaking his head away from you.

“Then why are you smiling, hm?”

“I’m not…” He then realized he was. “...I was thinking of my wife.”

Both hands reach in and yank off his helmet before he can move. He gasps in shock, and that’s when your hand starts scratching at the top of his head. The gasp turns into a muffled moan as he tries to stop himself from enjoying it.

Of course, by that point, it’s a lost battle. You smile victoriously and lean forward slightly.

“What was that, Shiny?”

“I-it’s Shining A-armor, Anon!”

“Sure it is, Shiny.”

Your hand starts traveling down the back of his neck, cutting off any response he may have had and making him shiver in delight. Unfortunately, you quickly hit more armor, since his back is one of the only areas his armor protects.

“Well now, I’m afraid this armor’s simply going to have to go,” you coquettishly say as your other hand tickles him under the chin.

After all, if you’re forced to do a job, you might as well do it to the best of your abilities.

“T-that isn’t n-n-necessary!” he says, trying to pull away from your warm hands.

“Oh, but it is! You have a full hour with me, Shiny. We’re going to make the most of every. Last. Second.”

He actually squeaks, though that might be because you boop his nose.

Anyway, since it seems his head is currently in the clouds, you gently pick him up and toss him onto the bed with a nice pomf. “W-what are we gonna do on the bed, Anon?”

Your hand immediately goes to his chest, silencing him. “Oh, you’ll see,” you sweetly answer as that hand on his chest unbuckles the upper portion of his armor.

He gulps as your hand starts sliding over his silky-smooth fur to the lower part of his armor, buckled over his sensitive and soft belly. You trace circles around the buckle, making him quietly moan in delight.

You want him pacified so you can move in for the kill. When he’s distracted by the bliss he’s in, you unbuckle the second part, releasing his body from the embrace of his metal carapace.

Before he can really notice it’s no longer on him, you pull him out of it and plop yourself down on the bed, once more putting the stallion on your lap. His tail automatically covers his flank since he still remembers what happened the last time he was there, but you have something else in mind this time.

Your hand grabs a long brush from the nightstand next to the large bed and you start carefully brushing his mane.

“Who’s a good pony?” you whisper as you carefully run the brush through his long blue mane.

“A-anon, please…”

Your other hand starts petting his back, making the stallion on your lap whimper slightly. “Who’s a good pony?” you repeat, your brush continuing to go through his hair and your hand still giving his back long strokes.

“I am…” he whispers, his face bright red from embarrassment or pleasure.

“Who is?” you ask, wanting him to say it louder.

“I am,” he says, louder. He was in the army, he knows this game.

“What are you?” you ask.

“I’m a good pony!” he much more happily says.

“Yes you are!”

There really isn’t much you can do with his mane since you’re not a fucking hair stylist, so you leave that alone and put the brush in your other hand. He turns his head and eyes it worriedly, but you start playing with his ears again, making him sigh and slump his head down onto the bed.

“You’re a good, good pony,” you whisper as the brush starts running through his short tail. He jumps at the first stroke, because of how close it is to some personal areas, but he settles down again after that, letting you brush him in peace.

Of course, you don’t really leave him in peace, since that isn’t your job. Since he was no longer squirming around nearly as much, you take that as a sign to find something new to do.

His tail was very short, so you finish with it quickly. You toss the mane brush aside and reach over to your nightstand again, grabbing two things. One, you hold up to his face.

“Good ponies deserve treats,” you say, offering him the sugar cube.

He blinks a few times, staring at it, then looks up at you. “Anon, I’m not eating that.” It seems the illusion wore off when you stopped petting him, so you start running the other, shorter brush you picked up through his coat hair.

“But you’re a good pony. You deserve a treat.”

“I… I don’t…” You gently push it toward his muzzle again. He looks up at you with some confusion and distaste for what he’s about to do, then carefully licks the small cube you’re offering. When he sees that it really is just sugar, his eyes light up slightly and he licks the full thing out of your hand. “Mmmm…” he moans, chewing it.

The hand that was holding it goes up to his ears again as he finishes the treat off. Your other hand is still brushing his coat, getting rid of all the kinks and ruffles the heavy armor put into it. A few minutes of quiet moans and muffled whimpers later, all of his back was completely brushed, leaving that part of his coat pristine and pretty.

But that was only his back. At that point, he was about half asleep, so he was quite a bit jostled and surprised when you carefully set him on his back on the bed.

“A-Anon?” he whispered, already missing your warm lap against his slowly cooling belly.

“Sh, sh. I’m right here,” you say, putting your hand against his cheek.

He nuzzles it silently before asking, “Why’d you stop?”

“Because we got to the next part, silly,” you say, lowering the brush down to his chest. His eyes once again light up and he starts to push your hand away with his hoof. “Who’s my good little pony?” you ask, stroking the brush down before he can stop you or answer.

“Anon!”

“Silly, I’m not a pony!” You fake a chuckle, bringing the brush back up to his chest and slowly bringing it down to his belly. “Now who’s my good little pony?” He brings both of his hooves up to his mouth and pushes his head down, trying to hide his face and his blush. But that just gives you better access to his belly, so you continue with your long, soft strokes. “Come on, Shiny. Who’s my good little pony?”

“I am,” he quietly whispers after a few seconds of silence.

“Who is?”

“I-I am, Anon. I’m your g-good little pony!”

“Yes you are! You are such a good little pony!” Despite himself, he smiles at what you say and pulls his hooves away from his face. “How does it feel to be my good little pony?” you ask as you take one of his hooves in your hand and start slowly bringing the brush down it.

“G-good?”

“Oh? It only feels good?” you slowly ask, finishing off that leg and grabbing the next.

“...Yes.”

“Hm. I thought you might enjoy it a little more than that. Are you sure it only feels good?” His legs aren’t all that long, so you finish with the second one after that. When you get to the first one of his back legs, you can see the tip of his stallionhood start to peek out from his sheath.

“N-No.”

“So it doesn’t only feel good.” You finish with his third leg and start on his last, very slowly bringing the brush down it. “How does it feel, my good little pony?”

“I… I love being your good little pony…” It was whispered so low you barely heard it, but it was there.

“What was that? Can you repeat that?”

“I… I… I LOVE BEING YOUR GOOD LITTLE PONY!” He finally shouts it so loud the guards listening in outside would have been deaf to miss it.

“And what a good little pony you are! Though… not so little anymore,” you say, gazing at his fully engorged stallionhood.

Both of his ears flop to his head as he realizes what happened and what kind of position he was in. “I… Ihavetogo!”

He starts to sit up to sprint from the room, but your hand immediately goes to his immaculately brushed chest. “I’m afraid not, my good little pony. The hour’s barely half gone.”

His pupils shrink to pinpricks.

“I’m afraid you’re going to be here for a little while longer.” You push him back down on the bed and toss the brush aside, lying down next to him and big spooning him. “Now, who’s my good, cute little pony?” you whisper in his ear, gently rubbing his belly. He softly moans in response, struggling against your arms around him. “Oh my, you don’t want to get away, do you? Doesn’t it feel good?”

“Uuhhng!” That was one of the weirder moans you’ve heard, but it was definitely a moan. You continue rubbing his belly with one arm and use the other to pull him tighter against your chest.

“That’s what I thought. Now who’s my cute, good little pony?”

He knows your game now. “I… I’m your cute, good little pony,” he says, his voice resigned. It seems like he might have finally given up resisting.

Good.

“Can you repeat that? I couldn’t hear you over how adorable you are!”

“I’M YOUR CUTE, GOOD LITTLE PONY!” he yells, making one final, vain attempt to break away from your enclosing grasp.

“And don’t you ever forget it,” you gently whisper into his ear, the hand on his chest going up to tickle him under his chin.

“Anon, p-please,” he whimpers, involuntarily pushing his back into your stomach.

“Please what?” you happily ask, carefully rubbing his belly under his raging boner.

“P-p-please… please don’t stop…” That second part was whispered so quietly that you barely heard it, even though your head was right next to his.

“Not even if you beg,” you quietly hiss into his ear. The ear you hissed into twitches and jerks around since the air tickled it, but he doesn’t make any other reply as you continue fondling every nonsexual part of his body. After about five minutes of carefully petting your cute, good little pony, he sighs out and seems to slump down. “What’s wrong, cutie?” you ask, laughing on the inside at all the shitty nicknames you were giving him.

“I’m s-so… hard. And I d-don’t know w-w-why!”

“I’m the royal cuddler, my cute, good little pony. It’s supposed to feel good.”

“B-but…”

“But nothing. You’re a good pony, aren’t you?” He mutely nods. “You’re my good little pony, right?” He shudders slightly in delight at your proclamation, and nods again. “You’re my cute, good little pony, Shiny. You deserve to feel good.” He stays silent as you hug him tighter, kissing him gently on the back of the head. “So I’ll make you feel good.”

Before you can go back to doing whatever you could think of to make Shiny feel even more emasculated, something knocks on the window. Your sessions are supposed to be completely private, so you jerk your head in surprise, wondering who dares to interrupt.

Outside the window is a familiar pink alicorn. She grins at your surprise. You turn back to Shiny, but he hasn’t noticed or was too absorbed in trying to make his boner go down to look up.

When you look back to his wife, she’s holding up a sign. “Happy ending!” it says in bold, pink print.

Your mouth drops and after a few seconds, you violently shake your head.

She tosses the card aside and pulls up another one. “I’ll make it worth your while.” You blink, your lips pursing. She drops that card and pulls out yet another. “Plenty of ponies need PUNISHING!”

Your head slowly turns back around, away from the window.

Some things in life are worth it.

“You’re such a cute, good little pony,” you say, your hand slowly reaching further down. Shiny gasps in surprise as your hand wraps around his dick, but you shut him up by rubbing his belly with your free hand while the other starts sliding down his dick. “And you deserve to feel the best…”

“Anon,” he whimpers, his hips starting to weakly buck. He’s truly resigned to his fate, now.

The hand on his belly goes down to his large sack, cupping his balls and carefully massaging them. The other keeps stroking up and down his shaft. “Who’s my cute, good little pony?” you asked, leaning your head in again to continue carefully kissing him on the back of the head.

“I… I am…” he whispers, actually bucking his hips in tune with your hands.

“Yes… you… are,” you reply as your own hips start weakly jerking to follow his.

Of course, your dick isn’t any kind of hard at all. No sir, you definitely don’t have a chubby in your pants, not at all.

“What do cute, good little ponies get?” you ask.

“We… we get… rewards,” he mutters, barely able to talk.

“You get… happy endings.”

The tip of his rod flares up and he bucks one last time. “A-Anon!” he yells, followed by a spray of cum shooting onto the bed. You carefully aim his dick away from you and him so it doesn’t hit either of you, letting him empty his load all over the bed and floor.

Mere seconds after the last stringy rope of cum frees itself from his balls, the alarm clock you set up starts ringing. You swat it down onto the floor and slowly pull away from Shining Armor.

He weakly moans when he realizes you aren’t next to him anymore, but you lean right in and whisper something to his face. “You’re my cute, good little pony.”

You plant a small kiss on his nose and walk to the door, opening it and allowing all the tons of guards standing outside to see. One of them holds up a note before he looks inside. “The princess wanted you to have this, sir,” he says.

You take it with a small thanks and walk on your merry way. A few steps later, you rip the letter open and pull it out. It’s written in the flowing pink script again.

”Dear royal punisher, my husband has been quite naughty. He enjoyed his visit with the royal cuddler so much that he committed infidelity with him! I have need of your services once again. Love, Princess Cadance.”

Maybe your job isn’t so bad after all.

Author's Note

This is, of course, a sequel to the punisher thing. Once again, trying to decide if I should keep working on it.

Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/Eqt7d0QZ