Just Like Us

by syrograph

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, Princess Luna, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 22145

Being a princess in Equestria is tiring work, and after many long years of rule, they've seen absolutely everything. Right? - [A series of short stories]

Being a princess in Equestria is tiring work. After many long years of rule, they've seen absolutely everything. Right?

A series of short (ish!) stories about our favourite four-legged diarchy and how they deal with various things modern Equestrian life throws at them.

It's not as though it's going to be difficult. They've seen plenty of generations come and go. Nopony could possibly put them out of their depth.

They think.

Stories so far:

Healthy Living: Celestia can't remember if she ever had the one-time disease "Filly Fever". It's been so long, she must have forgotten it.

Trending Topic: A new toy craze takes Equestria by storm, and Luna is in the eye of it all.

Princess Celestia's Uneventful Day: It's nice to unwind and read a good book once in a while. Fate has other plans.

Published 2017-12-20 07:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-31 02:18:36 UTC

Healthy Living

Author's Note

Hey so I've been completely inactive here for over 4 years. Time flies, damn.

Anyway, this was written during the break between season 3 and 4, so everything that happened with Tirek etc etc onwards never happened. Pls forgive.

I found this chapter languishing in my drafts and decided to do a quick edit. Just Like Us is meant to be a little collection of short stories focusing on the lives of our favourite princesses. This will be most notably Celestia, Luna and Twilight, but I may also do some stuff with Cadence in future. Any future stories will be published as chapters in this same submission, so make sure you keep track.

Just in case I decide I'm still stuck in Brony Hell and want to write more horse words.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

Healthy Living

Immortality; it's one thing that sets an alicorn princess apart from other Equestrians, amongst many others. Some might say that living forever is a curse, but the daily life of a monarch is so packed full of duties that the thought barely crosses one's mind. Of course, a good leader's strenuous job is never through, so their value is incalculable. That isn't to say that the life of a princess isn't without its perks; the adoration of one's people is payment enough for their efforts, and a castle complete with a host of staff is certainly a welcome bonus.

Unfortunately, one cannot take their castle and their staff with them on a visit to see one's faithful student. It would be far too cumbersome to try.

Princess Celestia dismounted her chariot, stepping down on to the lush grass. The cooling dew felt wonderful against her pasterns, forming tiny beads on her golden shoes. Twilight Sparkle had been waiting for almost an hour, fretting about her friends and the untidy state of the town. “Princess Celestia. Welcome!” She trotted up before bowing gracefully. “I hope you had a pleasant trip.”

“Please, Princess Twilight Sparkle, call me Celestia.” Her usual calm demeanour hid the sly sarcasm. Twilight grinned sheepishly. “And yes, thank you. I had a most enjoyable journey.” She turned to her entourage and nodded in appreciation.

“Sorry Prin- uhm- Celestia.” She awkwardly dug at the ground, giggling nervously. “I just got used to calling you by your title and-”

“There is no need to apologise, Twilight.” Celestia sighed, putting a hoof on the new Princess' shoulder. “Now, where are your friends? I thought they would be here with you.”

“They are here with-” Twilight turned, realising that she was wrong. “- uh, well, they were here a moment ago.”

“Where did they disappear to; do you know?” Celestia peered about, scanning the nearby trees and bushes for signs of mischievous mares. “Are they hiding?”

“No, why would they be hiding? They're not hiding from you or me or anypony.” An awkward titter followed as Twilight tried to quell the panic rising in her gut. Celestia suppressed a chuckle as she saw Twilight spread her wings. She obviously still hadn't grown accustomed to them. It reminded her briefly of her early years.

“Would they want to surprise us? Perhaps Pinkie Pie has organised a party in honour of my arrival.”

“Y-yeah, that'll be it!” Twilight started pacing, rambling on to herself. “Or maybe they're trying to embarrass me or make me look bad in front of the Princess. Maybe they're bored and went to do something else, but that's silly; they've only been here for a few minutes and-”

“Twilight!” They looked up as Rainbow Dash soared overhead, stopping and hovering above them both.

“Rainbow Dash! Where have you been? Where is everyone else?” Twilight shouted, the piercing high-end making Celestia wince.

“Rarity's sick!” Rainbow had barely even noticed the ruler, too worried about her friend.

“She's what?” Twilight flapped her wings and left the ground as the tension got too much.

“Pinkie Pie and Applejack took her back to Carousel Boutique, but we need your help.”

“Where's Fluttershy?” Twilight asked as she shuffled her wings back in to place.

“She's gone to her cottage to look for some medicine. You gotta help us, Twi; it was so sudden! We don't know what's up with her!” Rainbow shot off before she could reply, worried for her friend's safety.

“I'm so sorry about this, Princess.” Twilight looked up to her mentor.

“Do not fear, Twilight. We must go to her aid. She needs your help.”

“But what about the opening?”

“I can declare the new railway station open once we ensure that this case is closed. Your friends and my subjects are far more important than a ceremonial ribbon.” Celestia set off with Twilight in tow, galloping towards the boutique.

“Celestia, wait! What if it's contagious?”

“Worry not, Twilight! I never take ill.” Twilight marvelled at the grace in her strides; even in desperate times such as these, she still managed to make it seem effortless. Thousands of years old, yet looking no older than twenty. Of course she never took ill.

~~~~~~~

When they arrived at Rarity's, Twilight burst in through the front door. Celestia ducked under the frame and followed her inside. “Rarity! Are you okay?” Twilight called up the stairs, walking up to the bedroom. A dramatic, wordless wail replied. She opened the bedroom door, catching sight of her friend flailing about on her bed. Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were gathered around, trying to calm her down.

“Now hold on Rarity, ya can't keep on like that. It'll do y'no good!” Applejack hadn't spotted the two alicorns stepping in to the room. She was far too busy trying to hold her friend down.

“Yeah, if you keep on rolling about like that, you might open a rift in space-time and then life as we know it will cease to exist and then–” Pinkie gasped, “–I'll have to organise an End Of The World Party! An Apocalypse Party! The Apartylypse!”

Rainbow gritted her teeth. “Pinkie Pie!”

“Y'ain't exactly helpin'!” Applejack snapped.

“Girls, stop! Let her go!” The three ponies jumped back, leaving Rarity to wriggle about amongst the blankets. “She needs some space.” Twilight trotted over.

“Didn't see ya there, Twilight.” Applejack collected herself, slightly startled by Twilight's introduction.

“Heya, Twilight! Hi, Princess Celestia!” Pinkie beamed, hopping up and down. Applejack peered about nervously, hoping that Celestia had not seen her little outburst.

Celestia nodded in greeting. “What seems to be wrong with Rarity?” She stepped up next to the bed, looking down at the wailing, groaning mare.

“I'm not entirely sure.” Twilight put a front knee against Rarity's forehead. “She's burning up.” Taking a quick look at her eyes and nose, Twilight came to an uncertain conclusion. “I'm still not sure, but I would guess it could be a case of... Feather Flu?”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “But she ain't a pegasus, Twilight.”

“I know that, AJ. it doesn't make sense! I would say it's some variant of The Shakes, but her eyes wouldn't be all puffy like that. The only other illness with all of these symptoms is...” Twilight gasped, “... Filly Fever.”

“Don't that just affect the young'ns?”

“Mostly, yes. I remember when I had it.” Twilight shuddered. “Thankfully it wasn't for more than a few days, and you normally only get it once.”

“F-Filly Fever?” Rarity croaked, holding back on the thrashing for just a moment.

“I need you to think carefully, Rarity.” Twilight leaned over her friend and looked her in the eyes. “Can you do that for me?” She had to be sure, since the fever could potentially leave a pony's mental faculties severely impaired. Rarity groaned and nodded in response.

“I'll... try.”

“I need you to think back to when you were young. Did you ever have Filly Fever?”

“I... don't think... so.” Rarity whined, putting a foreleg against her head and arching her back. “Is it... serious?”

“It can be, in mares. You need to rest for a few days; you've got to stay in bed and drink plenty of water. Fluttershy will be here shortly with some medicine.” Twilight patted her on the shoulder to reassure her. “You'll be fine; it'll be pretty bad for a while, but you'll be okay.”

“Why, oh why!” Rarity dredged up enough energy to exercise her dramatic side. “Why must us poor girls... suffer with this... horrific disease?”

“We got it lucky, sugar cube. Have y'all ever heard o' Colt Convulsions? Go talk to Big Macintosh an' he'll set ya right.”

“It can't be... as... horrible as... this!” Rarity rolled on to her side, slumped pitifully like a bride left at the altar.

“Lemme put it this way: Mac had t'sit on a bag of ice fer a week. We didn't think he'd ever walk straight again.” The unicorn was silenced. Applejack caught a glimpse of Celestia's grimacing face. “Sorry there, Princess.”

“No, no, it's quite all right.” She leaned over the bed as Twilight stepped back. “Fear not, Rarity. Your friends will see you through this illness. I hope you get better soon.”

“Th-thank you, Your... Highnng-” The sound Rarity then produced was somewhere between a cough, a sneeze and a scream. Celestia quickly backed away to avoid the fountain of spittle that shot forth.

“Well, it seems that... you all have this under control. I must be going. I have a ribbon to cut.” She bid them a kind farewell and stepped out of the room. Twilight followed.

“See you later, girls. Get better soon, Rarity.”

~~~~~~~

Arriving back at Canterlot Castle, Celestia addressed the pegasi who drew her chariot. “Thank you for your patience, sirs. Something happened in Ponyville and I had to deal with it before I could fulfil my duty.”

“It was no problem, Your Highness.” the lead stallion bowed his head.

“You are relieved of guard duty for tonight, I shall organise replacements. Then I shall arrange for the kitchen staff to prepare a feast for you.”

“That is very kind of you, Your Highness. Thank you so very much.”

“Have a pleasant evening, and don't do anything that I wouldn't.” Celestia tried her hardest not to wink as she spoke, hoping that the invitation to drink far too much wasn't too subtle.

“Thank you, Your Highness.” The stallions all bowed before taking the chariot away to dismount.

No longer observed, Celestia let her smile droop, her head feeling rather sore. She heaved a sigh and set off for her quarters; the Sun would need taking down in preparation for Luna to take over, but first she needed to freshen up.

In her royal en-suite, which was more like a glistening ballroom, she softly walked towards one of the flawless mirrors. She opened her mouth and checked her teeth; perfect and white, as always. Taking a closer look at her eyes, she saw nothing out of the ordinary. How the headache had started, she had no idea. “Strange.” She removed her golden shoes, chest-plate and crown, making her way to the pool-sized bath. The water had already been run in anticipation of her arrival and it was still at the perfect temperature. She breathed the steam rising from the surface as she gracefully slid in. “Must just be the summer heat, today.” She thought nothing more of it and spent the rest of the evening soaking, closing her eyes and settling down peacefully.

~~~~~~~

“Princess. Princess. Princess!”

Celestia woke with a start, splashing in the warm water. “I'm up, I'm up...” she grumbled.

“Your Highness, I'm sorry to interrupt your bath, but it appears that you may have forgotten to lower the Sun. Your sister is becoming most irate.” One of the royal messengers was hovering in the doorway.

“What is the time?” She stretched out her forelegs, yawning.

“Well, it's nearly midnight.”

Celestia leapt up in alarm, sloshing water over the edge of the bath. “I must set about my duties at once! I have failed my subjects!” She slumped back down as a stabbing pain drove through her skull. She yelped at the unfamiliar ailment, clutching her head in her front hooves.

“Princess!” The messenger flew over, grabbing her shoulders to steady her. “Are you okay?”

“I am... fine. Let me stand.” The messenger backed off, letting Celestia slowly haul herself out on to the tiled floor. It was slippery, but she kept her footing. “Tell Luna that I shall be out momentarily; I am so very ashamed.” She lifted a towel from the rail, floating it over in a magical haze.

“Your Highness?” the messenger ventured.

“Yes?”

“Good luck.” The messenger flitted away, disappearing through her bedroom door.

“I am going to need it.”

~~~~~~~

“And just what time doth thou call this, sister?” Luna bellowed, jabbing a hoof into Celestia's chest. “We demand an explanation! My glorious night shall not be hindered further by irresponsible inaction!”

“I am truly sorry, Luna. I promise this will not happen again.” Celestia was crestfallen, not having seen Luna this angry for many years.

“This is outrageous! How could such a thing happen in the first place? What could possibly be so important that thou forgot to lower the Sun? An emergency perhaps?”

“I...” She stopped, taking a deep breath. “... I fell asleep.” Luna's stunned silence momentarily masked the bubbling rage fighting to break free.

“Thou... fell asleep. Asleep?” Luna pressed her nose against her sister's, staring her down. Despite her shorter stature, she somehow loomed over Celestia. “Pray-tell, why didst thou feel the mighty need for rest so early in the day?” She didn't believe it.

“I... don't know, Luna.” Celestia looked away, but Luna followed her gaze, intercepting her eye-line.

“Well, perhaps, dearest sister, thy priority tonight should be a well-deserved slumber. Thou doth certainly work so hard at fulfilling thy duties!” The sarcasm bit hard, and Celestia saw red.

“Enough!” Celestia yelled, shoving her sister away with her front hooves. Her temper was unusually short; it surprised her that she had lashed out so fiercely. Luna had stumbled backwards, knocking down one of her guards. A stunned expression adorned her face. The pounding ache in Celestia's head was almost too much to bear; a severe pressure threatened to dislodge her eyes. “S-sister, I am sorry.”

“Just lower the Sun so We can get this over with.” Luna stormed away, huffing indignantly.

“I'm sorry.” Celestia repeated, yet nopony heard.

She sat on her flanks, sighing with agitation; she could barely focus, but she managed to call on the power to carry out her task. It took all of her effort, but she eventually managed to drag the Sun below the horizon. Panting, she shakily got to her feet and made her way inside. Her head felt worse than ever, splitting down the middle. Barely able to concentrate, she staggered back to her room and retired to bed.

~~~~~~~

“Oh, for Harmony's sake, Sister!” Luna yelled as she bucked the doors open. “Sleeping again? First thou forget to lower the Sun, then thou neglect to raise it!” She stomped over to her bedside. The room was humid, hot and stuffy; she wrinkled her nose. “And would it kill you to open a window?” Luna's decorum vanished as she made her way to the panes and slid one open. “Celestia?” She turned around to see her sister clutching at her bedsheets, shivering uncontrollably.

“L-Luna... is that... you?” A spluttering cough followed.

“Celestia, good heavens! Art thou sick?” She was by her side in a flash.

“N-no, I can't possibly... be... si-” Celestia wretched, blocking her lips with a hoof. Her eyes rolled back, lids puffy and discoloured.

“Oh my!” Luna checked her temperature. She was burning up. “We shall fetch the apothecary at once, and perhaps a pail!” Luna galloped away.

When she returned, a whole retinue of medical professionals followed. “Fear not, sister! We have returned with aid!”

“Your Highness!” the castle pharmacist called out. A group of worried doctors gathered around, each trying to gauge the severity of the problem. The unfortunate fact about the castle physicians was that they all wanted to be the one with the miracle cure for an ailing Princess. Their voices melded in to one bustling, roiling wall of noise as they fell over themselves trying to administer a variety of tests. “Please, fillies and gentlecolts, step back. Give the Princess some room to breathe.” The pharmacist's timid protest went unheard. Celestia was becoming more and more stressed with every second.

“Remove thyselves from my sister, thou raucous swine!” Luna's bellowing rattled the windows. A singular crack snaked its way up through the largest pane of glass, producing the only sound in the whole room. The stunned doctors stared with wide eyes before the window fell from its frame, shattering upon the marble floor. The loud crash marked their immediate departure from Celestia's bedside. “You there, Apothecary! What ails my sister?”

The jittery stallion replaced his glasses on the bridge of his nose. “Well, I would say that it is some kind of flu, perhaps. It could feasibly be Feather Flu, but–”

“F-Filly...” Celestia croaked.

“Filly?” Luna wasn't sure if she heard correctly. “Did you just say 'filly'?”

“I believe she did.” The pharmacist leant in for a closer look. “Hmm... Discolouration around the eyes, some puffiness; blocked nose... Your Highness, do you have a strong headache?”

“Y-y-y...” She gave up on words and simply nodded.

“Just one more question: have you been-” A violent explosion of mucous answered his pending question. Thankfully his glasses caught the worst of it. “- sneezing.” He produced a tissue, swabbing his eye-wear and removing it with his magic. “I thought as much.” The pharmacist turned to Luna. “The Princess has a nasty case of Filly Fever.”

“What? That cannot be right, surely. Filly Fever doth only affects young girls, is it not true?”

“On the contrary, Your Highness; it is highly contagious to any female of any age, but most only contract it once.”

“I think at more than a thousand years old, my sister would have caught Filly Fever before now.”

“Well, that is my diagnosis; flu season has passed and this year's strain of Feather Flu was not particularly virulent. The only possible answer is that Princess Celestia is sick with Filly Fever.”

Celestia coughed, trying to sit up. “I... can't be sick... I cannot afford to...” A quick-thinking doctor managed to save the monarch some embarrassment by covering her muzzle with a bucket. A wet, gargling sound most unbecoming of her grace rattled around the steel. When she caught a break, she tried again to reason with the sickness. “... I can't... be...” Another wave of violent heaving left her too exhausted to continue. She fell back and gasped for air.

“Rest, dear sister; I am sure our loyal subjects will understand your plight." Luna reassured her as she poured a glass of water from the pitcher on her night-stand. "For now, they shall have to welcome the night, no matter how long.”

~~~~~~~

The second day of midnight dragged on; ponies the world over received news of Princess Celestia's illness, giving rise to many rumours. For those in Fillydelphia, Discord was the culprit; for her subjects in Manehattan, it was Crysalis; those in Canterlot heard tell of immortals being far more mortal than they had hoped. All across Equestria they worried and panicked, but nopony in the universe was having a worse time than The Apple Family.

“Ah'm tellin' y'all, we gotta find a way t'fix all this!” Applejack paced up and down in the living room, candlelight filling in during the Sun's absence. “The apple trees have been in the dark now for nearly two whole day, an' the bees ain't out there pollinatin' the flowers. They won't give enough fruit for the whole season if this ain't sorted now!”

“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh nodded.

“Well whut're we gonna do?” Granny Smith squawked. “Celestia ain't workin' at raisin' it! There ain't no sunshine when she's gone.”

“Ah know, Granny, but we gotta find a way. That messanger pegasus told us t'jus' sit tight, but we can't just sit here and do nothin'!” Applejack slumped on to the floor, sitting on her haunches. “Who knows how long we'll be in the dark for?”

“Whaddabout that nice young wingedy yoo-nee-corn y'all been talkin' to? Oh tarnation, what's her name again?”

“You mean Twilight, Granny?”

“Eeyup; she's a smarty lil' filly ain't she? Surely she'll know what t'do.”

“Eeyup.” Mac added.

“Suppose Ah should go an' see her. Why didn't Ah think o'that before?”

Beside her, the voice of the youngest Apple tugged at her ear. “Because y'all've done nothin' but pace since the Sun didn't come up. Stop with yer panickin' and go see Twilight.” Applebloom's interjection was unwelcome, but Applejack knew she was right.

“Ah guess...”

“Go find her; Ah'm sure she's already workin' on some kinda solution. Plus, she's a princess now! Maybe she knows what's goin' on at the castle.”

Big Macintosh pondered his contribution, humming thoughtfully before reaching a sound conclusion. “Eeyup!”

~~~~~~~

The Golden Oaks Library was a hive of activity. Twilight was hard at work flipping through book after book, aided by her faithful assistant. “I dunno, Twilight; you already said that there isn't a cure for Filly Fever.” Spike said as he closed yet another book on maladies. “You told Rarity to just wait it out.”

“Yes Spike, but Rarity isn't responsible for the Sun!” Twilight yelled, the stress getting to her. Sweat dripped from her brow, glistening in the candlelight. “We need to make her better somehow, or we'll be in darkness for at least another day, maybe even a week!”

“Didn't you say it just takes a few days to wear off?”

“In younger mares and fillies; it gets worse the older you are. Princess Celestia is much older than any of us! Who knows how long she'll suffer? What if... no.”

“I dunno, Twi; she's also an alicorn.”

“And so am I, but my immune system isn't any better either! Remember?”

“Oh yeah... Feather Flu.” Spike chuckled nervously, finding Twilight's high-strung attitude mildly terrifying. “So, what can we-”

The door burst open, slamming against the wall. “Twilight!”

“Applejack!” Twilight swung around, startled by her sudden entrance. “What's the matter with you? You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Twilight, we gotta find out how t'fix this! Ya gotta help!”

“I am trying!” She barked, stomping her hoof. “I have looked through every single book about pony illnesses, twice! There is no cure for Filly Fever! I've got nothing.” She sighed, collapsing in resigned frustration.

“Well, we gotta try somethin' or we're doomed! Sweet Apple Acres ain't farin' too well, since the bees ain't comin' to the orchard cuz it's dark.”

“What can I do? I can't even find a cure for Princess Celestia. How can I help at all?” Twilight groaned, covering her face with her forelegs. Spike stood beside her, patting her on the head.

“Well, you tried everything you could.”

“Shorta raisin' the Sun yerself.” Applejack tried to inject some humour, finding it a little cathartic.

“Raising the Sun myself?” Twilight didn't appear in the mood for merriment.

“Sorry, just a joke.” Applejack pawed at the wooden floor.

“Raise the Sun... That's it!” Twilight jumped up with a beaming smile on her face. “I'll raise the Sun myself!”

“Now, wait a minute, sugarcube; are y'sure that's a good idea?”

“It's probably the only way.” She raced up the stairs and on to her balcony. Applejack and Spike soon joined her.

“But are y'sure y'can do it? I'm not even sure Princess Luna can.”

“I have to try.”

Applejack watched with apprehension as Twilight focused with all her might. Her face screwed up as her horn began to glow brighter and brighter. Her pained grunts and groans showed them just how much effort it was going to take. She bowed her head, as if lifting a huge physical weight, hoisting the glowing orb. There was a green flash, then the sky grew brighter, a canvas painted with many shades of red, purple and gold. “I've... ngh... got it... I can... feel it... It's so heavy!”

Soon, the top of the Sun was visible above the horizon. A small crowd had gathered around the library, drawn by the bright pink radiance emanating from the giant tree. “Look, the Sun's coming up!” Spike yelled, hopping up and down.

“I can't hold it... any... more...” Twilight fell, slumped on her side and breathing heavily. Her whole face was running with sweat. “I... can't... do it.”

The crowd outside the library cheered, stamping their hooves in applause. “Twilight, you can do it!” a familiar voice called up. Applejack peered over the railing; Rarity was stood with a grin on her face, followed by Pinkie, Rainbow and Fluttershy. They made their way up to the balcony, joining their friend.

“R-Rarity, you're okay...” Twilight was relieved to see her back on her feet.

“You said I would be, darling! It's all thanks to Fluttershy, really.” She nodded in thanks to the shy pegasus. Fluttershy smiled.

“I was just doing what any friend would do, I guess.”

“Thanks for looking after her, Fluttershy.” Twilight pulled herself up again, feeling her strength slowly creeping back. “I've been so tied up looking for a solution to this whole mess. I wish I could have helped you too.”

“It is perfectly fine, Twilight.” Rarity waved her off with a hoof. “You simply mustn't fuss over little old me when there's such a big problem to solve.”

“Yes, it was nothing really; just keeping her company while she got some rest. That's all there really is to it.” Rarity was having none of it.

“Don't be so modest, Fluttershy! Your medicine did the trick, I'm certain of it.”

“Oh, yes! You said Fluttershy had some medicine!” Twilight whirled around to Rainbow Dash.

“I did?” Rainbow awkwardly brushed her mane behind her head.

“Yes, you did! So, what was the medicine, Fluttershy?” Twilight's excited smile faded when her friend didn't respond. “Fluttershy?”

“I don't know if I should say.”

“Well, we need to get the Princess better as soon as we can. If you can help, please tell us what was in that medicine! The fate of Equestria hangs in the balance.”

Fluttershy continued to evade them.

“For pity's sake girl, spit it out!” Applejack barked. This was no time to beat around the bush.

“It's nothing, really...”

“No, this is something, Fluttershy!” Twilight yelled. “Don't be so mod-”

“No, you don't understand! It's nothing! The medicine is nothing.”

“What?” Rarity shrieked. “All that time, you were giving me that wonderful elixir, and it was just...”

“Soup.”

“...Soup?”

“I remember reading something about how we can fool ourselves in to feeling better, but only if we don't suspect it's a trick.”

“I don't follow.” said Rarity.

“Please don't hate me.” Fluttershy scratched at the balcony, hiding behind her mane.

“What? We don't hate you; Rarity got better didn't she?” Rainbow cut in, putting a hoof on her shoulder.

“I... guess so.”

“The Placebo Effect.” Twilight blurted out. “Of course! It's so simple now. Fluttershy, could you head to Canterlot and see to Princess Celestia for me? I am sure your kindness will go a long way, if only to comfort her.”

“It's a long way to fly, Twil- eep!” Fluttershy squealed as she felt Rainbow hoist her off the ground.

“Leave it to us, Twilight.” Rainbow nodded with a determined grin.

“No wait! I-” Fluttershy's wailing faded in to the distance in a trail of multicoloured splendour.

“Pinkie Pie and Applejack, I need you to find as many unicorns as you can. I'll need all of them to help me lift the Sun!”

“You got it, sister!” Pinkie leapt from the balcony, pulling off a miraculous triple back-flip and sticking a perfect landing. Applejack took the far more sane route down the stairs.

“Are you sure we can do this, Twilight?” Rarity asked.

“With friends like ours, anything is possible.”

Soon, every magic-user in Ponyville had assembled by Twilight's side. “I need everything you've got; focus your power on me, and I'll try my best to channel it towards the Sun. We need this to happen, for the good of Equestria!”

Rarity, more used to lifting a needle and thread, was slightly worried. “What if we don't have enough power?”

“We just have to believe that we do. We can't just give up.” Twilight steadied herself, facing the eastern horizon and planting her hooves. “I have only directed other ponies' magic a few times before, but if I focus, I'm sure I can do it again.”

“You can do it, Princess Twilight!” an excited voice called from the back of the crowd. Twilight turned in time to see Bon Bon restrain her room-mate.

“Very well; let's do this.” She maintained her focus, giving the order. “Now!”

A multitude of colourful auras burned into existence, beaming towards Twilight as she waited with her head near the ground. Her own magical glow grew in intensity, ballooning outwards and flooding every square inch with pink light. She felt the power flowing through her, concentrating on her forehead and humming in the air around them. Feeling renewed and ready, she pushed the immense collective power towards the Sun. She heaved, pulling up above the horizon. The pink was replaced with the warm glow of the early morning, bringing life to everything. It was as though the whole world had awoken from a terrifying dream.

“We... We did it!” Twilight let go of the connection, allowing the Sun to finally rise by itself. It drifted up in to the sky, taking its rightful place. What started as cheers soon became gasps of horror and confused disappointment. “I... I don't understand.”

“Twilight... is the Sun meant to be so...” Rarity couldn't find the words.

Pinkie bounded past, giggling. “Hey, it looks sorta like a peanut!”

“You actually did it.” Everypony's attention was drawn to Luna as she silently approached. “You managed to raise the Sun by yourselves. That is a skill not even I can manage.”

“Well, it was every unicorn in Ponyville.”

“Still, it is an impressive feat. Well done, Twilight Sparkle. You and the rest of this remarkable town may have saved the entire nation. There is one... uhm, minor problem, however...”

~~~~~~~

Celestia chuckled as she set the newspaper down.

“I actually rather like what she did with it.”

“It was a mistake, Celestia, you do realise--”

“I know, but don't you think that just 'round' is quite... boring?”

“But Celestia, you are responsible for protecting it! Maintaining its natural shape is part of that responsibility, is it not?”

“I suppose. It can last one more day as a peanut, though. I still feel a little-” she paused to fake a cough. “- ill.”

“Okay sister, but after this, it goes back to normal.”

“Agreed.”

Celestia floated her tea over to her, taking a sip. She placed the cup back on to the saucer with a clink. “Still, I wish I could have seen her face when you told her she had broken the Sun.”

Trending Topic

Author's Note

Whoa this is a long one. That's what happens when your story features three different plot lines!

Oh well, I hope you enjoy this one. Trending Topic is inspired by various fads I've seen throughout my life. Most notably things like Pokemon, Tamagochi, etc. It deals with themes based on my memories of collecting such things as a kid.

Yet again, I started writing this one way back in 2013/14 so there may be some plot inaccuracies from season 4 onwards. Either way, I didn't have much need for those points. But just in case...

Have fun <3

P.S. Please excuse my representation of the Apple family's accent. I just love writing that sort of thing. Breakin all the rules B)

Trending Topic

Out in the orchards of Sweet Apple Acres, two earth ponies stood side by side. it was a quiet day, aside from the occasional woody 'thunk' of hoof on bark. The beautiful song of nature went on as it always did; birdsong, rustling leaves in the breeze, bees buzzing lazily by, Apple Bloom whining-

“Please Applejack, Ah'm the last one to get one! Ah'm always the last one to get somethin' awesome.”

-Really peaceful.

“For the last time Apple Bloom, Ah ain't payin' for that stinkin' toy. How much was it again?”

“Three-hund-”

“Nuh uh! Not no way no how! Do you have any idea just how much money that is? That's like a week's worth a' groceries fer a city pony, at least.” Applejack kicked the nearest tree, filling several wooden buckets with apples.

“Aw but Applejack; everypony'll make fun o' me! Everypony else has a Critter already, and they look like so much fun!”

“No!” Applejack stomped away to the next tree with Apple Bloom following at her heels. “An' stop followin' me; yer like Winnona before walkies today.”

“But Applejack!”

“For Pete's sake, Apple Bloom; go back to the house! Stop botherin' me. Ah gotta work!” Applejack bucked again, turning away from her little sister.

“If you were my lil' sis, Ah'd pay fer ya." Bloom huffed indignantly, slumping down on the grass. "This ain't fair.”

“Life ain't fair sugar cube; now get.”

~~

The following morning, class was in session. “Good morning class!” Cheerilee beamed, waiting for the young colts and fillies to quiet down. “Now, as I'm sure you are aware, there is a new... Silver Spoon, pay attention please!” The grey filly looked up from the tiny animal sat on her desk. It flickered brighter for a moment in the light emanating from her necklace.

“Sorry Miss Cheerilee.”

“As I am sure you are aware, there is a new trend going about. Not that I am against you having fun, but these... 'Critter' things really need to be left at home when you come to school. Silver Spoon!”

“Sorry.” Silver's tiny pet hopped up and down excitedly, panting like a dog.

“Please put your Critters away until after class.”

The disappointed children groaned and complained to one another before removing the brightly coloured collars that held their amulets. The hoof-sized creatures all vanished, disappearing with a minute 'pop' as the toys were stashed in everypony's saddlebags; all but one.

“Miss Cheerilee?” Silver Spoon put her hoof in the air, “I can't put it away.”

“Why not?”

“If I do, he'll miss his morning snack.”

“Morning snack?” Cheerilee sighed. This was going to be a long day.

“Yeah; Shortcake gets hungry all the time, so I have to feed him or he gets sad.”

“I'm sure he'll survive until recess; please put Mr Critter away now.” The Critter's long ears drooped as it made a vaguely metallic whining noise.

“Aww!” Sweetie Belle cooed from across the class; the rest of the youngsters giggled.

“Now please, Silver Spoon.” Cheerilee demanded. The youngster complied, begrudgingly removing the collar. “Now that's out of the way, this morning we are going to continue with our math work.” A collective sigh of frustration echoed from wall to wall.

~~

At the castle, Princess Celestia was enjoying a cup of tea and a well-deserved slice of cake. She chuckled to herself. “Triple-chocolate; even a Princess has her vices.” The cup nearly made it to her lips when a midnight-blue creature darted across the floor. Startled, she spilled her tea across the table. “What in the world is that? A pest?” Her question was answered by the steadily approaching laughter of Princess Luna.

“Oh what fun!” The blue animal scampered back towards the princess of the night, running up her foreleg and settling on her shoulder. “Good boy, Orion!”

“Orion?” Celestia stood and wandered over, hoping to get a closer look. “What is that, dear sister?”

“This is a Critter, Celestia.” She motioned an under-hoofed throw, tossing a ball that appeared from nowhere; Orion chased it across the hall.

“A Critter? Forgive me, but I've been rather preoccupied of late; would you care to explain?”

“I believe it is a toy, sister.” She motioned to the black collar around her neck. A faintly sparkling silver pendant hung from it.

“It looks like an animal to me, Luna; animals are certainly not toys.”

“It's not the creature; it's the amulet.”

“Amulet?” Celestia took a closer look; the constellation of The Hunter was embossed on the front, lit with silvery light. “I see. Where did you get this, Luna?”

“I was on a stroll through Canterlot and I found a delightful little toy store. There was a most raucous gathering of young ponies outside, so I went for a look.”

“Aren't you a little old for...” The gap of a thousand years took a while to register. “... Never mind. So, what is this Critter, then?”

“Well, the shopkeeper was demonstrating this marvellous creation to all of the young colts and fillies, and their parents, of course. He had several tiny, adorable animals performing tricks on a table. I believe it is meant to be a substitute for a pet; you know how much little ponies like to keep pets. The shopkeeper saw me waiting outside and offered me one for free; I couldn't resist.”

“And what has the amulet got to do with it?”

“Well, these amulets are enchanted, from what I can tell. They project the image of a Critter, and any of their accessories, in to the real world. As soon as you take it off, the Critter disappears.”

“So it is all an illusion then?”

“Oh, certainly; a very entertaining one at that. When I was a filly, I remember only the best magic-users could create such convincing phantasms.”

“Well, I suppose magic has advanced quite a long way since our childhood.” Celestia smiled and watched as Orion batted the ball around the tiled floor. “Do they feed and grow?”

“You have to take care of them like any pet, but the food is not real. There are different types of amulet, and each one contains a Critter. They have different skills and personalities and they develop over time. It is most amusing!” Luna ushered Orion back to her. He ran up her leg once more and nestled in to her mane. She let go of a royal 'squee' and grinned brightly. “I haven't had this much fun in a long time!”

“And you say these are popular?”

“Yes, they are selling out all over the country from what I hear. They are rather expensive, since the demand is so great.”

“Worth every bit, I'm sure, provided the shopkeepers pay their taxes on time.” Celestia laughed; she wondered if she sounded just a little tyrannical, but shrugged the thought off. “Well, have fun playing with Orion, Luna. I shall see you this evening. I must return to my duties.”

~~

In the playground, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were enjoying the fresh air of recess. Sweetie Belle chuckled gleefully as she played with a Critter of her very own. It jumped and flipped, bouncing around excitedly as Sweetie tossed a virtual ball. Hopping across the grass, the pink Critter gave chase, pouncing on the tiny sphere and grasping it in both front paws. “Go Fuchsia!” she cheered. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom watched as she called it back. It handed the ball back to her obediently.

“Wow, Sweetie Belle; you got her to fetch!” Scootaloo put her own necklace on, then Fuchsia's bright red counterpart flickered in to existence. “Hey Firebrand, fetch!” Scootaloo threw a ball for her Critter, but Firebrand was far too occupied scratching his ear. “C'mon, fetch! Good boy!” Nothing happened. “Ah, nuts.”

Apple Bloom hid her jealousy, but enjoyed watching her friends having fun nonetheless. “How'd you get yours?”

“Rarity got it for me; I asked when she was in a good mood and she said it was adorable. She got one of her own too.” Sweetie Belle grinned ecstatically. “I love my sister!”

“Rainbow Dash got me mine.” Scootaloo admitted.

“Fer yer birthday? Ah don't remember seeing her at yer party.” Apple Bloom asked.

“Well, she forgot my birthday, but she made up for it with this! I think mine's broken though; all he does is sit around doing random stuff.” As if on cue, Firebrand belched, before going back to panting with his freakishly long tongue dangling from the corner of his mouth.

“At least you've got a Critter. I don't have one, yet; Applejack said she won't help me buy one.”

Sweetie Belle grumbled. “Sometimes I wish Dad was more like Filthy Rich; Diamond Tiara has three Critters already. It isn't fair! She got them all before we did too. It's like she gets whatever she wants, whenever she wants it.”

“Yeah, some of us actually have to work to earn our stuff!” Scootaloo's self-righteous attitude died down as she realised she'd never worked a day in her life. “I mean, some of us have to work really hard to get stuff from ponies who work really hard to earn stuff.”

“Ya say she's got... three?” Apple Bloom asked, ignoring Scootaloo for the moment.

“Yeah, she doesn't deserve any of them; she's been rubbing in our faces all week!” Scootaloo stamped the ground in frustration. “She's so annoying!” The two other fillies nodded in agreement. “Maybe if her parents didn't buy her so much, she wouldn't be such a spoiled brat.”

~~

In Canterlot, the afternoon's duties had come to a close. “Thank you all for coming; if you care to retire to the banquet hall, afternoon tea is about to be served.” The hum of appreciative chatter filled the room as Celestia adjourned her court. They filed out of the huge ornate doors and made their way towards the promise of dried leaves, boiled, with a small quantity of milk.

Celestia saw the politicians out, but on her way in to the banquet hall a bright flash in her peripheral vision stopped her in her tracks. A deep and eloquent voice shortly followed: “Good afternoon, Princess! I trust you've had a pleasant day. Glad to hear you are feeling better after that nasty bout of Filly Fever.”

“Discord, how nice of you to join us. We're just about to have tea; would you like some?” Since Fluttershy's intervention, Discord had been almost no trouble at all. Occasionally he would visit the castle to make requests, but they were usually harmless. Celestia remained polite and courteous, but she suspected he was after something.

“I would love to stay, but I really must get back to my place shortly; the oven is baking a delightful cake and he'll be most upset if I am not there to taste it. You know how kitchen appliances are: pretty rigid, rather square.” A chef's hat popped in to existence atop his head, slightly offset by one of his horns. “He wants me to help with the decorating, too! I'm thinking something involving butter icing and some of those silver bead thingamajigs.”

“That sounds nice. What brings you to Canterlot?” Celestia was waiting to shoot down a request for some interns or some other potentially dangerous idea.

“I just dropped in to say hello; we don't talk enough, I feel. Normally I wait around and dream of the days on which you will need my help, since my powers are only to be used for good, as per your request. Alas since those days are few and far between, I've decided I'm going to be a more regular visitor. I do enjoy talking to you and your sister.” He brushed his claws against his chest, then checked them. "Besides, it beats haunting your library and reading dusty old scrolls."

“So you don't want me to grant you anything? No allowances, no assistants?”

“No, of course not. I already have everything I want in the whole world, except for some close friends; I figured 'why not try to make some?'” He presented Celestia with a bunch of flowers which she half-expected to spray water.

“Well, that is very kind of you.”

“Friends can be a lot of fun, I'm starting to learn.” The paper around the flowers morphed in to a vase which he placed delicately on to a table from nowhere. “Talking of fun, I've heard there is a new craze sweeping the nation.”

“Are you, by chance, talking about those Critters I've been hearing so much about?”

“I am indeed; my goodness, what a terribly unoriginal name. No matter! it isn't the name that makes it what it is after all. I hear your sister is rather enamoured with one such toy.”

“Yes, Luna has been enjoying the company of... Orion, I believe his name is.” She chuckled softly. “It's actually quite sweet and I am glad it's making Luna so happy.”

“They are rather novel. I do say, it's as though these toys came out of nowhere. It's one thing to have such brilliant illusion magic bound to an item, but to have so many with such consistently high quality; why, it's as though they're from some sort of factory line. ” Discord obviously knew a lot more about the Critters than Celestia had originally thought.

“So you've taken a close look at them?”

“It wouldn't be too far from the truth to say they've caught my attention, yes. They are quite remarkable; the craftsmanship is second to none and the enchantment held within is exceptionally complex to say the least. Back in the day; you know, before you trapped me in stone," his tone took on a slight snarl, "a master craftspony would have to have worked for weeks, maybe even months, to produce just one of these.” He looked just as excited as Luna had been that morning. “I am captivated by the power in these wonderful amulets, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot trace them back to where they come from.”

“So you are telling me that they just appeared?”

Discord shrugged. “As if overnight.”

“I see.” Celestia's smile slowly faded as she pondered the implications. “I wonder where they could have come from. They don't seem to pose any kind of threat; they are more of a curiosity.”

“I am sure it's nothing to worry about. Still, it would certainly be nice of the creator to make themselves known. I don't think anypony other than Starswirl The Bearded would even have a clue how to produce these, and on such a massive scale too! I would very much like to ask about their methods. Wouldn't you?”

“It is a point of intrigue, for sure. Thank you for filling me in on some of the details, but if you aren't staying for tea I have to apologise; I must see to my guests.” Celestia bowed her head respectfully.

“Say no more. I am sorry to have kept them waiting. I have a cake to frost! it was nice seeing you again, Your Highness.” And with that, Discord vanished.

Maybe Starswirl was the answer. Celestia made a mental note to visit the library in her down-time.

~~

“Hey Big Macintosh, you seen Apple Bloom?” Applejack asked as the perfectly round and not-peanut-shaped Sun began to set over Sweet Apple Acres. “Ah've not seen her since she got home from school. She uh... she did come home, right?”

“Eeyup.” Mac replied, dragging his apple cart back in to the barn.

“She up in her room? Ah knocked but she didn't reply.”

“Eeyup.” He closed the barn door.

“Ah hope she's okay. Did she seem okay t'you?”

“Eeyup.”

“Well, alright then. Ah'll see y'inside when you're done with yer chores.”

“Eeyup.” Applejack turned to leave, heading to the house. “Hey, Applejack?” She faced her brother again. “Mighty nice've you to buy her that fancy necklace.”

“Fancy necklace?”

“Eeyup.”

“I never bought... Well now, Ah think Ah'd better have a word with our lil' sister.” She stormed off with Mac in tow; his chores could wait.

~~

Apple Bloom was happy – more than happy – joyous; she had a Critter of her very own to love and cherish and teach and-

“Apple Bloom!” Her rose-tinted glasses shattered as her big sister barged in to her bedroom. “What in tarnation is going on here?” Big Mac loomed over her shoulder, trying to get a better view of the tiny green animal sitting on her bed. It disappeared the moment Apple Bloom tore the pendant from her neck.

“Nothin' Applejack.” She tried on an innocent grin, but it slid off with the nervous sweat on her brow. Applejack stomped over and held out a hoof; her glare could have cut glass.

“Give me the toy, Apple Bloom!”

“But-”

“No 'buts', missy. Gimme that necklace!”

“No, Applejack!” Tearing up, Apple Bloom held on to the green band for dear life. Applejack made a grab for it, far too quick for her little sister. She ripped it from her hooves and held it aloft.

“Where in Equestria did you get this, girl? Why did y'tell Big Macintosh Ah bought it for ya when Ah clearly didn't?”

“Ah... Ah... don't know.” Apple Bloom sniffled. “Ah found it... on the ground.”

“Don't you lie to me!” Applejack's bellowing terrified her; the anger welling up in her sister was more than she could bear. Apple Bloom squealed in fright, backing away until she hit the wall. “Where'd y'get it?”

“Ah don't know Applejack!” she wailed. Applejack didn't believe it.

“How can ya not know?” She felt betrayed. “Apple Bloom, gosh darn it, I'm so mad with you right now! After that whole Gabby Gums thing Ah thought... Ah thought you'd have learned yer lesson in manners. Ah can't let you keep this, Apple Bloom.” Applejack threw the necklace to the floor, preparing to smash it with a hoof when Apple Bloom yelped.

“N-no! Don't break it; it's not mine!” Applejack froze, her foot still hovering over the tiny golden trinket on the green band.

“It ain't yours? Whaddya mean it ain't yours?” She never intended to truly break it, but a little spark of frustration kept nagging at her to stomp down hard.

“Ah... borrowed it.”

“From?”

“... Sweetie Belle.”

“Then y'won't mind if Ah take it back to her right n-”

“No, wait!”

“What? Ah just said Ah was gonna return it to'er.” Apple Bloom fell silent. “Good gravy, girl! who's necklace is this really?” She didn't reply. “Spit it out, Apple Bloom!” Her barking forced the answer.

“Diamond Tiara's!”

“What? Ain't that the lil' filly who keeps on givin' you a hard time? Why, she wouldn't lend you anythin' in a month o'... Sundays.” The penny dropped; it dropped hard, landing with a painful thud in the pit of Applejack's stomach. “Oh my word... Apple Bloom, did you... did you steal this?” Her silence was proof enough. Big Macintosh silently scowled from the doorway as Applejack shakily sat down. “Ah... can't believe it... You stole this? My sister stole somethin'.” It was almost too much for her to take; in that moment, two Apple sisters hung on the verge of tears.

~~

“Rarity, this is quite amazing!” Twilight Sparkle smiled brightly as her friend showed off her new violet-coloured pet. Vivienne paraded around the library, strutting as though on a catwalk.

“Isn't she just adorable? Sweetie Belle kept on pestering me to buy her one of these Critter things, but when I saw them I realised I wanted one for myself. Opalescence doesn't really seem to like her yet, but I'm sure she'll get used to it.”

“I think Opal is just feeling a little left out, that's all. She'll have to learn to share your attention.” Fluttershy said as she took a closer look, peering at the creature.

“I'm just astounded by the complexity of the magic involved; it's almost like a living thing!” Twilight knelt down and joined the pegasus. “And you say it learns from playing?”

“Well, she wasn't this fabulous yesterday.” Rarity put a hoof to her chest, gesturing gracefully. “She did learn from the best, after all!”

“I'd like to study it and report my findings. Do you know who made it?”

“Darling, nopony knows who made them. They just appeared in stores. There's a brand name and everything, but no mention of an address or even a country.”

“Strange.” Twilight peered at the silver jewel-encrusted trinket with curious eyes. “I don't suppose you'd mind if I borrowed it for a while, do you?”

“And if I helped? I mean, if that's okay with you, Twilight.” Fluttershy wanted to see just how real these Critters were for herself. Twilight nodded.

“Not at all, girls; I have a big order to fill by next week, so I could do with her out of the way. She is quite something, but that something is also rather distracting.” She removed the glittery collar and handed it over, letting Twilight put it on. Vivienne's brief absence was barely noticed; she kept on strutting around the room.

“Thank you Rarity; a week should be plenty of time.”

~~

“Luna, could you call Orion over to your side of the table, please?” Celestia was being pestered by the blue Critter as she tried to finish her meal.

“That isn't Orion, Celestia. That is Azure. Isn't he the cutest? Come here, Azure!” Luna giggled joyfully as the skinny creature hopped from dish to dish along the length of the table.

“'Azure'? Just how many of these have you got, sister?”

“Let's see; I have Orion, Azure, Greenflash, Comet, Firebrand, two Fuchsias...”

“Wait, Luna. Why do you have so many? Surely one is enough.”

“But they're all so different, Celestia. I couldn't settle for just one; I've got to collect them all.”

“I think maybe you should consider training the ones you have first.”

“No, it simply will not do; I have to get them all. What if I am missing out on something? That reminds me, I've not fed Firebrand yet; excuse me!” Luna panicked and headed for the door.

Celestia put her spoon down, letting it fall in to her soup. “Luna, could I accompany you? I want to see all of these Critters for myself.”

~~

“You're gonna come with me an' tell Diamond Tiara you're sorry, young missy!” Applejack frogmarched her little sister through Ponyville towards the Rich household. “An' when yer done grovlin', you can help Big Macintosh with his chores for the rest of the week, y'got that?”

Apple Bloom sighed, kicking up some dust as she walked.

“Girl, Ah am talkin' t'you! Ah said 'y'got that?; don't make it a month o' chores!”

“Alright, Ah got it!” She pouted, avoiding as much contact as possible. “Ah just don't think it's fair that she gets all these nice things and Ah get diddly nothin'.”

“Y'get plenty, Apple Bloom; how dare you! Besides, just cuz somepony has more than you, it don't make it right to steal!” Applejack had to restrain herself before she gave her little sister a thick ear.

Apple Bloom stayed quiet, knowing that it was wrong, but still feeling headstrong and defiant.

“What has gotten into you lately?”

It wasn't long before they arrived at the front door. Apple Bloom tried to hide behind her sister as the doorbell rang, but Applejack pushed her back to the doorstep. The door swung open, answered by a tired looking maid. The mare yawned, dark circles under her eyes. “Rich residence, how can I help you?” When Apple Bloom refused to speak, Applejack dropped her right in it.

“Apple Bloom has come here to apologise.”

“A-apologise, for what?”

“Is Miss Diamond Tiara at home at all?” The maid shuddered at the mere mention of the name.

“Yes, she is.” She added a quiet “and don't I know it.” before heading off to retrieve her.

“Applejack please, can we go now? Ah promise it won't happen again. Ah'll make it up to you, Ah swear.”

“No way Apple Bloom, it ain't me y'need to make it up to.”

“Ah learned my lesson, Ah promise!” Apple Bloom's defiance fell away as tears filled her eyes.

“Yes, what is it?” a shrill voice interrupted. “I am not in the mood for this, so hurry up.” The young filly was just as tearful as she was. Applejack did her best to see past the bratty nature of the young mare; a crime was a crime after all.

“Hello Miss Tiara, Apple Bloom has something she'd like to tell you.” she said as she shoved her sister roughly forward.

“Well?”

“C'mon girl, spit it out!”

“Ah... Y'see... Ah kinda...” Apple Bloom stammered.

“What is it?” Diamond Tiara scowled at her; Apple Bloom said nothing more, instead handing over the green collar. “Greenflash?”

“Ah'm so sorry, Diamond Tiara.” Apple Bloom bowed her head, sniffling pitifully.

“Sorry for what? I've been looking all over for him!” Diamond Tiara snatched the amulet away, instantly putting it around her neck. Greenflash popped in to existence, darting around joyfully oblivious to the heartache. “I thought I'd lost him forever! Thank you so-”

“Wait, y'don't understand; Ah'm the reason ya couldn't find him.”

“What?” Diamond Tiara's eyes narrowed.

“Ah got jealous and... Ah stole him from yer saddlebags after gym class.” Apple Bloom's voice shook, perched on the edge of sobbing.

“You stole him? You stole my Critter?”

“Ah'm sorry, Diamond Tiara.”

“You will be!” The bratty girl slammed the door in her face.

~~

“Celestia, wait! Don't take them away; I need them!” Luna begged as her Critters were locked in a chest.

“I didn't want to have to do this, sister. What was once harmless fun has become an obsession. You won't be able to open this chest until the month is through; if you can go that long without them, I will let you have one back.”

“Just one? I promise I'll not let it interfere with my duties. Please, just let me have them back!” Luna whined, stamping the ground with her front hooves.

“I am sorry, Luna; this is for your own good.” Celestia limped away from the chest, having sustained a minor sprain in the struggle to get the Critters away. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some important business to attend to.”

"Where are you going?" Luna asked, pouting as she checked the lock. It was solid.

"To the library." She was going to learn more about these things by whatever means she could.

~~

Twilight and Fluttershy watched Vivienne closely as the Critter tried to write on a tiny piece of illusory paper. “Fascinating.” Twilight said to herself as she scribbled some notes on parchment, which the tiny being mimicked. “Learns by observation of the wearer...” Vivienne grumbled, dropping the page and patting her stomach. “... and tells the wearer when its needs are not met. Well, I guess I'm kind of hungry too!” Twilight put her quill down. “Time for a break.”

“That does sound like a good idea.” Fluttershy agreed.

Twilight made the gesture Rarity had shown her, conjuring some food for the glamorous pet. A humongous pile of treats spilled from her hoof, which Vivienne dived into immediately. “Whoops, that's a bit too much. I'll just take some of that back; wouldn't want Rarity to complain if you put on too much weight- ow!” Something had left three red streaks along her foreleg. Vivienne growled and continued to stuff food in to her muzzle.

“Twilight! Are you okay?” Fluttershy tried to examine the wounds. “Is it bleeding?”

Twilight backed away, confused and sore. “What was that?” She focused as she approached once more, trying to take away the food she had put out. The angry Critter leapt, slashing at her with sharp claws. Fluttershy screamed.

This was not an illusion.

“I don't understand!” Twilight yelped as she avoided another attack. “You're not real! How can you hurt me?” Vivienne kept on coming. Twilight grasped for the necklace, ducking as the Critter tried to gouge at her face. The amulet came loose, dropping to the floor. Twilight relaxed, sighing as Vivienne disappeared from sight. “That was-” She yelped as she felt teeth close around her ear. She managed to shake her off as she ran up the stairs, leaving the cowering Fluttershy behind. Vivienne gave chase, cornering Twilight by her bed. “Spike! Letter!” she bellowed. The dragon retrieved a scroll and started writing. “Dear Princess... Critters... Not illusion... Evil... More of them... Not much time... Help!”

Spike didn't wait for her command, instead sending the letter on its way as soon as he wrote the last word. He bounded through the fading green embers, coming to his friend's aid. “Don't worry Twilight; I've got it!” He grabbed his basket, flipping it over and spilling the cushions over the floor. He charged, diving at Vivienne with his arms outstretched. “Gotcha!” he yelled as he landed on top of her. The angry creature rattled about inside the tough wicker. “Whoa, she's strong!” Spike shouted as the basket bucked.

“I don't understand! What happened? I took the amulet off, but she didn't disappear!” Twilight approached cautiously, unsure if Spike's weight could hold Vivienne at bay.

“Where'd they even come from anyway? You said they're really powerful magic, right?” Spike ducked to steady himself as he was almost thrown from the improvised cage.

“They're powerful magic, all right; evil, powerful magic! Nopony knew how dangerous they would become, and now they're everywhere! It's only a matter of time before the whole of Equestria is thrown into chaos!” She paced the library, wings spread as the tension mounted. She had to find a solution before it was too late.

“Maybe it-” Spike belched, nearly tumbling away once more. Celestia's prompt reply appeared in mid-air, dropping to the wooden floor. Twilight scooped it up and began to read aloud.

“'Dear Twilight, your letter was rather hard to read, but from what I can tell that this is an urgent matter. The Critters that you speak of did once seem harmless, but they have been causing some problems at the castle. I have had to confiscate Princess Luna's collection of them for less urgent reasons, but if you say they are evil, I believe you.'” She paused for breath, clearing her throat. “'I shall call an emergency meeting in the courts. If you can bring the dangerous specimen to us so that we can decide on the level of the threat, we may discuss what to do next.'” As she finished, Spike was thrown across the room. Vivienne escaped from her prison, scampering towards an open window, but was stopped short by Twilight's magical grip. Fluttershy appeared in the doorway. “Fluttershy, do you have any cages?”

“I have a spare bird-cage, if that will help.” she replied.

“Can you get it for me?” The pegasus nodded and bustled away. Twilight turned to the dragon. “Spike, pack an overnight bag; we're heading to Canterlot on the next available train.”

~~

“Your Highness, you have called all of your advisers to discuss a foal's toy? This is absurd!”

“Order, Eversmile; be seated!” Celestia scorned, not willing to suffer insubordination during such an emergency. The eternal grump plopped himself down with a huff, pouting like a spoilt child. The rest of the court's chatter dulled, dropping to a reasonable level before she continued. “As you are all aware, I have called you here to discuss the recently popular objects known as Critters. For the uninformed, Critters are pendants worn by foals – ” She glanced at Luna, who rolled her eyes. “ – of all ages, that produce the illusion of a tiny pet. They were thought to be harmless, if rather annoying, but a letter from Princess Twilight Sparkle has prompted me to take action.” As if on cue, the main doors swung open. The whole court turned to look. Twilight trotted in, levitating a tiny birdcage behind her. In the cage was a frothing, furious purple animal with its hackles raised and teeth bared. Vivienne was pressed up against the bars, fur sticking out all over. It seemed as though she had grown after being trapped inside.

“Princess Celestia, I'm so sorry I'm late. This evil thing escaped on the train and nearly attacked a young filly.” There was a collective gasp, followed by a ripple of nattering and speculation. “You may notice that I am not wearing the amulet that supposedly controls it; it is no longer needed, as it sustains itself.” She was wearing a bandage around her ear, covering the deep bite marks that Vivienne had left.

“Twilight; please bring me the subject.” Celestia requested. Twilight approached across the ornate floor, hoofsteps echoing around the marble walls. She placed the cage in front of her mentor, letting her inspect the lashing Critter behind the bars. “I see... So, you say it is no longer bound to the amulet?”

“I removed the amulet after it attacked me the first time, but it did not disappear. Usually, the illusory Critter vanishes in to thin air when the necklace is removed; this leads me to believe that this creature is no longer an illusion!” There was a much louder, much deeper gasp.

“So you are saying that-”

“This Critter is a living, breathing... biting thing.” Celestia looked up at the ceiling as she thought through the evidence. If this was the case, the whole nation was in danger, especially the foals. She had to do something, but even with all the hours she poured in to research, she couldn't find anything written about it. She expected that a scroll or two may have been missing from the Starswirl wing. Or maybe Starswirl had never written about it at all.

“This is terrible news; almost every young pony in Equestria owns a Critter by now. They could turn at any moment; I hate the think of the consequences.” She managed to hide her distress, but only from her court. Twilight felt panic rising in her gut; if Celestia was worried, there was cause for alarm. “I hereby declare a full-scale reclamation of all Critters; send word to every city, town and village. They must be stopped before it is too late.”

~~

“Celestia, no! Please don't take them away; I love them!” Luna whined, bounding along beside her striding sister. “They're so sweet and harmless! The one Twilight showed you must be defective.”

“I cannot have this danger lingering around my subjects, Luna; it is highly irresponsible! I should have seen this sooner.” Celestia felt bitter, plagued with guilt for letting it get this far.

“But Celestia, my Critters are fine! They're just toys!”

“Be silent!” she snapped, losing her temper for the first time in a long while. Luna backed off, slamming in to a wall to escape her wrath. Celestia bore down on her, glaring menacingly. “Have some perspective and stop acting like a spoilt foal! They must be destroyed; the will be destroyed, or I shall be held responsible for an unimaginable disaster! Twilight managed to fend off that... thing with her own powerful magic, but just barely." Celestia turned away, looking out at her kingdom through stained glass.

"Tia..." Luna whimpered.

"Can you imagine, Luna, what will happen to the clueless, vulnerable fillies and colts when these monsters suddenly turn on them? It will be unstoppable and I will not sit back and watch as-” She couldn't put it in to words; the thought alone was just far too horrible. Luna silently quivered, tense all over. “I swear, I will destroy every single one and your petty, adolescent griping will not stop me!” She carried on her way, leaving Luna stinging in the hallway.

The younger sister sniffled, trying to raise her voice, but she barely managed to croak.

~~

Applejack was awoken by frantic banging on the front door. “What the... who could this be at this hour?” She pulled herself up out of bed and headed down the stairs. The knocking would not let up. “Yeah, yeah, Ah'm comin'! Hold yer-”

“I want a word with you!”

“Filthy?” Applejack asked through a yawn, making her way to the door.

“Rich!” he bellowed. He sounded particularly angry; not a good sign. Applejack cautiously opened the door, catching sight of the scowling entrepreneur. “You've got a lot of explaining to do!”

“Explainin'? About what?” Applejack pursed her lips, frowning. Diamond Tiara appeared from behind her father, quietly crying her eyes out; her forelegs were bandaged up. “What happened?”

“I was hoping you could tell me!” Filthy Rich barked, tapping his hoof on the doorstep. “Your little sister took her toy away, and now it's defective; care to tell me why?”

“'Defective' how?” Applejack asked, scratching her head.

“Can't you see? It hurt my precious baby!” Rich pulled Diamond Tiara closer, comforting her. “It attacked her.”

“Attacked? Y'all are kiddin', right?”

“Do I look like I'm joking?” he hissed; he was utterly furious. “You go and wake your bratty sister up right this second or-”

“Now hold on just a minute! Ah know it was wrong of Apple Bloom to steal, an' she's been punished already, but how dare y'all come t'our house in the middle o' the night and speak like that?”

“Don't you lecture me, you bumpkin; get your sister down her right now or-”

“Bumpkin? Excuse me?” Applejack bowed her head, snarling. “Excuse me?”

“Applejack, what's the noise for?” Apple Bloom came down the stairs, rubbing her eyes. “Is that Mister Rich?”

“You stay back now, ya hear? Go back to bed, Apple Bloom; this ain't t'do with you.”

“Oh, it has everything to do with her!” Rich shouted. “She broke Diamond Tiara's toy, and it nearly took her eyes out!”

“How? Those doohickeys ain't nothin' but fancy magic! How in Equestria does it nearly take her eyes out?” Applejack didn't believe a word of it.

“I don't know; it attacked her, but that's all I know. I saw it happen!”

“No way. Ain't no way that happened!”

“There a problem?” Big Macintosh got involved, emerging from the darkness in a most threatening fashion; he'd been listening for a while. Filthy Rich went quiet, looking at his hooves.

“I think y'all better get home and get some sleep; it sounds like you were seein' things. Ain't that right, Big Macintosh?” Applejack smirked, looking to her big brother.

“Eeyup.” He cracked his neck, limbering up in case he needed to resort to a forceful ejection. It was quite a while before Rich plucked up his courage.

“This isn't over, you hear? We'll be back in the morning to sort this out once and for all.”

“Lookin' forward to it.”

~~

Apple Bloom tucked herself in again, tossing and turning until she was comfortable once more. “Ah didn't break it, Ah swear.” Applejack walked around her bed to the window.

“Ah believe ya, sugarcube.” She opened it, letting some fresh air in. “We'll have a good ol' chat with Filthy an' Diamond Tiara an' get this sorted once an' fer-”

“Applejack, look out!” Apple Bloom shrieked, pointing to the window. Applejack turned in time to see a green blur launch itself at her head. She yelled in surprise as it landed in her hair and started plucking strands one by one.

“Get offa me, dang it!” She kicked, trying to throw it off, but it held on tight.

“Applejack!”

“It's pullin' ma hair! Get it off!” The loud commotion brought Big Mac running. He galloped through the door, narrowly avoiding the frame.

“Hold still!” he bellowed, turning away from her. Applejack complied, trying to stay steady.

“Ya got a good – ow! – good shot?”

“Eeyup!”

“Go!” A well-placed buck launched the tiny creature across the room with blonde hairs trailing behind it, where it struck the wall with a sickening 'crack'. It yelped and whimpered, slumped in the corner.

Applejack replaced her hat, sighing deeply as her heart-rate returned to normal. She took a close look at the green creature, feeling a little sorry for it; it was no bigger than a hoof or two, and Big Mac's hind legs were beyond powerful. “Lil' varmint's mighty sore, Mac; think he'll be okay?” He was resolutely silent. She looked over to Apple Bloom, who was hiding behind her quilt, peering over the top. “Apple Bloom, ya might wanna to go sit with Granny fer a while.”

“W-why?” she asked, shivering.

“Uh, maybe she got woke up by the racket, so... so ye should go keep'er company.”

“But... Granny Smith never wakes up til mornin'. Why do y'all want me outta here?” Applejack sat by her side, stroking her hair.

“Listen, sugar cube... Sometimes bad things happen... Nopony wants 'em to happen to anypony, but it's just a fact o' life. That there left us no choice; he coulda hurt me real bad, so we had to. Do ya understand?”

“Ah know that, but why could Big Macintosh kick it? It's just a movin' picture, right?”

Big Macintosh knelt down beside the injured animal and poked it. He turned and shook his head.

“Ya mean... ya mean that's one o' those Critter thingies?” She recalled seeing the green imp before; her mouth dropped open. “Cream gravy... That's the one ya took from Diamond Tiara, ain't it?” Apple Bloom nodded. “That means that Filthy Rich was tellin' the truth! He said it was 'broken'; Ah guess he meant that it came to life, like really alive!”

~~

Fluttershy was reading her favourite book with a mug of hot chocolate by her side; she sighed peacefully before a loud thud against the front door made her leap to the floor with a squeal. The cocoa and marshmallows sprayed across the wooden floorboards as her mug shattered.

“Fluttershy!” the distinctive drawl of her friend calmed her; she plucked up the courage to approach, opening the door to let Applejack in. “Oh, yer awake! Sorry if Ah startled ya or anythin'.”

“I-it's okay...” she lied, still feeling her heart pounding in her throat. “... I couldn't sleep anyway.”

“Well, we got a bit of a problem. Ya know about them Critter things, right?”

“Uhm, yes.” she nodded.

“Well, ya need to take a look at this.” Big Macintosh stepped forward with a crate far too large for Greenflash. “We stuffed it in Winnona's carrier, cus it's all we got, but somethin' weird is goin' on, Shy.” The pegasus moved in for a closer look, catching sight of the green creature within. She leapt back, screeching.

“No, get it away!”

“It's hurt; it ain't movin'!”

“That's what it wants you to think!” she snapped, shivering on the spot.

“Sweet Celestia, Fluttershy! You gotta take a look at it. These things ain't supposed to be alive, right? Well, this one attacked me! It's pretty darn real, if y'ask me. Big Macintosh kicked it off'a me, so Ah'm okay, but Ah don't really wanna be responsible for ending this lil' guy.”

“There's nothing I can do! Let it go in the Everfree Forest and forget about it!”

“Fluttershy, this is a living thing! It's hurt real bad and y'all just wanna dump it in the forest?” Fluttershy hesitated, but nodded regardless.

Big Macintosh spoke up. “Ah thought you cared for animals.” The words stung. Fluttershy looked away in shame; it was definitely alive, just as Vivienne had been that afternoon. She peeked in to the cage again; Greenflash was barely breathing, bruised from head to toe. Somehow, her maternal instinct took control.

“Oh my, he really is in a terrible state!” She thought it through carefully, trying to weigh up the risk of getting her eyes scratched out; she whimpered at the thought. “Well... y-you'd better bring him inside; I'll see what I can do.”

~~

Canterlot's market district was bustling, full of ponies exploring the ornate stores and stalls dotted about, indulging in expertly-crafted coffees and cakes. “I just don't understand how it happened, Spike. Do you think this is just an isolated incident? Is all this worry for nothing?” Twilight sipped at her orange juice, brow furrowed.

“I dunno, Twilight. It's kinda crazy. If this only happened to Rarity's Critter, then maybe it's a false alarm, but you saw what it did! It'd only take one more to change and... well, you get the idea.” Spike replied, nibbling on a gem-encrusted doughnut.

“I just don't know what causes it. Is it just a matter of time? What could have changed?”

“Beats me.”

“Twilight!” She looked up as she heard Applejack's voice. “Am Ah glad Ah found you!”

“Girls, what are you doing in Canterlot?” she asked, surprised to see her five friends in the capital.

“It's about this whole Critter business; Fluttershy filled us in on what happened. We've been up all night!” Applejack explained.

“Is it true? Did my sweet little Vivienne attack you, Twilight? That sounds absolutely dreadful!” Rarity added, looking guilty.

“It's true I'm afraid, but I'm not sure whether it was just that one, or if we've got a big problem on our hooves.” Twilight didn't have to look much further.

“Applejack got attacked by one last night.” Fluttershy offered. Twilight gasped.

“Applejack, really? What happened?”

“Well, it's kind've a long story.”

“Please, sit. Tell me everything, in as much detail as you can.”

Applejack took a deep breath and retold the story of Greenflash up until that moment, giving as much detail as she could while keeping it brief. “... And that's when it jumped at me; Apple Bloom saw it first 'n Ah couldn't shake it off. Big Mac came runnin' and managed to buck it off mah head, but Ah wasn't sure if it was gonna be okay.”

“They brought it to me, and I told them what happened.” Fluttershy interjected.

“An', well that brings us here.” Applejack finished, setting her hooves down on the table. "That... thing... is bandaged up and recovering back at Fluttershy's house. Won't be going anywhere any time soon.

“And you're saying that Apple Bloom stole this one from Diamond Tiara?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Ah know, it ain't like her; she won't do it again, cus Ah made sure'a that!”

“No, I mean: she took it from Diamond Tiara and... wore it?”

“Eeyup.” Twilight stroked her chin, lips pursed in contemplation. Her friends watched her as she teetered on the edge of realisation.

“So, Apple Bloom wore it after Diamond Tiara and...” she mumbled, picking through the facts. “... Rarity wore the purple one before me...”

~~

Celestia opened the chest, staring at the neatly arranged collars. She picked up Orion's, inspecting it. “Just what are you?” she asked. The answer wasn't forthcoming, so she fastened the black band around her neck. There was a faint popping sound as Orion appeared in front of her. He sat patiently, waiting for a command. “What makes you tick, exactly?” Celestia stooped down to get a close look, trying to find anything that would help her to understand. The tiny critter sneezed, falling over backwards; if Celestia hadn't been so afraid of it, she might have laughed. As Orion stood again, she noticed that something was different. “Did you just grow?” Another sneeze added a few more inches to its height. Celestia backed off, catching her breath and hastily removing the pendant. Orion remained, just as she feared. The Critter took off running, darting through her legs and disappearing around the corner. Celestia chased it, pounding through the hallway, only just able to keep up.

She caught a glimpse of Orion rocketing down the grand staircase leading to the huge, heavy front doors. Finally with enough space, she spread her wings and launched herself over the banister in a last-ditch effort. “I've got you now, you pest!” The blue animal stopped at the foot of the decorative doors, trying to shove them open, but to no avail. Celestia bore down on him with a victorious grin that vanished as the doors opened by themselves. Orion turned to the princess with a knowing smirk and slipped through the widening gap. “No!” Celestia bellowed before barrelling into the crowd of ponies that appeared. Much surprised screaming and yelping echoed around the entrance hall, with Celestia tangled up in a pile with Twilight and her friends.

Dazed, but not injured, they quickly righted themselves with the help of the guards. “Princess! What happened?” Twilight asked, confused. “Why did you tackle us?”

“It was an accident! I have no time to talk, since I must catch an escaped monster.” Celestia urgently pushed past, sweeping through the doors and out in to the gardens. The other ponies followed, vexed by her rude exit.

“Wait, Princess Celestia; I've figured out why the Critters are turning violent!” Twilight called out. Celestia froze, turning back to her.

“Tell me Twilight, what did you find out?” her sudden approach made the smaller mares shrink back.

“W-well Applejack came to find me and she told me that Apple Bloom, her sister, went to school and stole a Critter from Diamond Tiara. She's a friend, well, not a friend of hers... but she stole it and-”

“Out with it; there is no time for details!” Celestia snapped, stamping a hoof.

“Basically, if somepony wears a Critter amulet after it's already been worn by somepony else, it comes to life somehow! Maybe it lives off the magic of one pony, but two might-”

“Then I have made a terrible mistake! I wore Luna's Orion amulet and now Orion has escaped. He passed you on the way in here; did you see where he went?” The ponies looked to each other, silently asking. The result was a resounding collective head shake. “Then we must find it as soon as we can! It is imperative that Orion does not escape.”

“Uh, Princess... how big is Orion?” Rainbow Dash butted in, pointing out to the gardens with a look of fear on her face. They gasped as they saw the hulking figure lumbering towards the gates. Orion was now taller than a gorilla, throwing himself along the ground with his strong forelegs, now more akin to arms. He stopped and looked over his shoulder. Knowing he'd been spotted, he growled menacingly and fled. Fluttershy squealed, shaking on the spot.

“After him!” Celestia called, taking off running with the rest of the ponies in tow. She threw bolts of radiant light from her horn, unable to land a decent shot at such high speed. Fires smouldered in the rose bushes and on the lawn as they flew through the gates in pursuit.

~~

In Canterlot, crowds were gathering in the city centre. The amnesty on Critter amulets was in full-swing, with hundreds of ponies returning the defective merchandise. They moved in an orderly fashion towards the huge, sturdy chests, getting a partial refund from the royal coffers. Their quiet mumbling turned to shocked gasps as a voice sounded from nowhere. “Ponies of Canterlot; with the recent popularity of Critters, I have decided to reveal my identity! Of course, until now, the creator of those marvellous toys was unknown. Allow me to put a face to this nameless bringer of joy.” The voice was jovial, smooth and polite. “I have heard what wonderful delight they have brought to your children and I want to thank you!” Many of the crowd prepared to run, tensing up all over. “To all of you, I say 'Hello!'” A white flash flickered behind the guards, leaving a stage in its wake.

Stood on the stage was a figure that the audience had hoped never to hear from again. “It's me, Discord!” He stood with a top-hat perched on his head and a cane in one hand, smiling triumphantly at the confused, frightened ponies. Terrified yells turned to shouts of hatred; booing flooded from the square, falling on Discord as a harsh roar. His ears drooped, smile vanishing. “I don't understand! I brought you entertaining curios, perplexing toys of childlike wonderment! Why do you treat me this way?” It wasn't long before he noticed the chests filled with his creations, the flags and banners bearing the words 'Critter Amnesty'.

The crowd were suddenly distracted by a ground-shaking rumble. Discord turned in time to see the enormous dark blue form of Orion leaping through the air. Instinctively, he snapped his fingers, hoping that it would stop the Critter in its tracks. It kept moving. He snapped again, and again, but nothing stopped it. "I don't understand-" was all he could manage before the bloodthirsty beast slammed in to him, dragging him to the floor. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to cast a spell to displace himself. To his dismay, he found himself still staring up at the snarling teeth of his wayward creation. "No, no this is all wrong!" Orion raised a hand, enormous claws glinting in the sunlight. For the first time that he could recall, Discord actually felt fear. An icy shiver ran down from his shoulders, suddenly feeling mortal. Without thinking, he begged for his life. "Please don't kill me!"

Death didn't come.

Orion had stopped to sniff the air, claws still raised.

"I don't understand." It was Discord's voice again, but Discord hadn't uttered it.

"I don't understand."

It took a moment for Discord to realise that Orion was parroting him, all the while peering at the horrified ponies around him. "I don't understand... where... am... I?" Hearing his own voice made Discord squirm. He snapped his fingers again to try and dispel his creation. It sneered down at him. That was it!

"You know my magic!"

Orion repeated him in unison. The chorus was sickening to him. If it could anticipate his every spell, it could negate it before he even had a chance. "Damned learning instinct!" Discord barked. Orion stood up, no longer seeing Discord as a threat. "Oh, this is bad. This is awful!"

"Discord!" Celestia's voice bellowed through the street. The draconequus leapt to his feet and brushed himself off. He looked up in time to see Orion, half crouched, staring the princess down. "I knew you'd be behind all this! I didn't want to believe it, but my gut instinct was right!"

"Princess Celestia!" Orion spoke with Discord's voice once more. Celestia reared back in horror. "Where... am... I?"

"Princess, I can explain-" Discord tried.

"Silence!" Celestia shouted, her fear barely hidden behind her official tone. "The creature is speaking!" Why had she just defended it from his interruption?

"Where... am... I?" Orion lowered his claws, looking more panicked than angry by now. It couldn't take all the staring ponies. It suddenly seemed self-conscious.

"You are in Canterlot, the capital city of Equestria." Again, Celestia had no idea why or how she was speaking with this once feral animal.

"Can... ter... lot." It repeated. "H- Home?" Somehow it had learned part of their language. "Home?"

"Yes. This is home to many ponies, including me, and my sister."

"Sister?" Orion relaxed, his ears perking up. "Lu... na?" Celestia froze for the moment, looking away at the cobblestones. "Luna?" Orion asked again.

"Yes. Yes, Luna also lives here." Celestia turned to Twilight and whispered. "Head back to the castle, send for Luna at once." Twilight nodded and turned on the spot. She leapt forward, conjuring a teleportation spell in midair. She vanished in a flash of magenta sparkles. With that taken care of, Celestia tried to hold Orion's attention. The creature was growing more agitated with every passing moment of silence.

"Luna?" he asked again, shifting uncomfortably on the spot.

"She will be here soon, do not fret." Celestia took a step forward. Orion flinched, claws readied out to his sides. The princess stopped.

"Home." He said again, breathing becoming erratic. "I don't understand." The crowd of ponies were backing up, trying to give the confused creature some more space. Celestia took another step. Orion didn't budge, but he kept his eyes fixed on hers.

"Discord? What did you do?" The chaotic being wrung his disparate hands together, thinking very carefully about his word choice.

"Y-your Highness, I merely created these toys with the intention of spreading joy to-"

"What did you do?"

"They were illusions, nothing more." Discord was serious. He had no idea how his gimmick had become tangible.

"Illusion magic this powerful is barely possible, even by the most accomplished mages. And this is far too ordered and realistic to be sustained by chaos." Before Discord could reply once more, Luna and Twilight appeared either side of Celestia.

"Orion!" Luna called out.

"Luna!" The creature charged. Celestia dropped, steadying herself and preparing an attack spell. It glowed a vibrant yellow on her horn. Orion ignored her, running with his arms outstretched. It pulled Luna in to a tight hug, almost crushing her head in his strong grip. She was surprised, to say the least, but she returned the gesture, putting one leg around Orion's back. "Home." the Critter whimpered.

"Where is his home, Discord?" Celestia asked, approaching him with a furious expression. "Where did you take these poor creatures from?"

"I didn't take them from anywhere! The spell I used was based on an old spell I found in your library. Illusory window something-or-other." He twirled his wrist as he vaguely recalled the details. "It said it was like a viewport to another world."

"From Starswirl The Bearded?"

"How did you guess?" Celestia didn't rise to his sarcasm.

"You need to undo this spell, Discord. These Critters were alive all along! We've been peering into their world through these little trinkets. How do they work?"

"I don't know; something about drawing on the natural magic inside the wearer? You know how you ponies are. Untapped potential in... most of you." Twilight landed beside them. She had her usual studious look about her.

"I knew it! The amulet binds to the wearer." Twilight looked far too cheerful about finding the answer. "I thought back to my studies and remembered an old concept that Starswirl was working on, shortly before he disappeared. It wasn't perfect, so he never used it as a component of any of his other spells. You see, the moment a second wearer is bound, the amulets draw too much power-"

"-thus the Illusory Window opens to become a doorway." Celestia finished the sentence with cold realisation. "You need to put a stop to this."

Discord stood with his fingers pressed together in a steeple. "Ah, you see, that might be a problem." He avoided their stares, feverishly digging through his mind for a way out. He couldn't run; what would Fluttershy think? "I don't know how."

"Discord!" Twilight began. "We need to break the amulets. They're the focal point between ponies and Critters. Can you summon them all?"

"I... I can try. But if we destroy them, it could have consequences for any Critters with physical form in our world." They all faced Luna and Orion. Orion was rocking side to side with Luna still in his arms. The princess of the night peered at them, looking conflicted. "We don't know what will happen."

"It seems that enough of Orion has seeped through to our world so that he can learn language, perhaps even empathy." Celestia mentioned.

"We don't know how much of him is left on the other side." Twilight added. "We don't even know if he'll survive when we break the connection."

"We have no choice." Celestia walked up the street and stood next to Luna. Orion was crying, biting his lip and stroking his friend's star field mane. "Orion?" He made eye contact with Celestia. "We don't know how to send you home." His eyes widened.

"Home!" He protested.

"We don't even know what or where your home is. But when we break the items that brought you and your kind here, we don't know if you'll go back." It was hard to say. "I'm afraid there is a chance you may be stranded here forever."

Orion roared in fear, drawing a shocked gasp from the crowd. Some looked ready to flee. "Home! Orion home!" He bellowed.

"But I promise you that we will take the best care of you. You will be given a place to live in the castle, and we will do all we can to make you comfortable. Maybe in time, you'd be able to call Equestria your home." Celestia reached out a hoof, stroking his arm. Orion was quivering.

"Luna?" He asked again.

"I am your friend, Orion. I would love to have you around. You've brought me so much joy in such a short time already." Luna replied, pressing her cheek in to the monstrous Critter's chest. "We can eat together, dance and play. Nothing will be different to how it was. I promise." Celestia watched as Orion's cheeks shone with his tears. He was obviously very intelligent. She couldn't imagine the pain he felt at that moment.

"I am sorry that it has come to this." She dropped her hoof and headed back to Discord and Twilight in the square.

"Princess, should we?" Discord asked. Celestia nodded.

With a snap of his fingers, the amulets rose up from the crates they were being collected in, swirling up in an enormous, shimmering, rainbow mass. The various brighly coloured collars caught the sunlight vibrantly. They rose up far above the crowd. Discord closed his eyes and concentrated, making sure he got every single one. A dull thunderous rumble rolled across the city as additional trinkets from all over the country screamed towards them at the speed of sound. The sharp crack of them breaking the sound barrier rattled like popcorn on a stove, each joining the drifting mass above them. There were thousands upon thousands, each one glinting spectacularly.

When he was sure they had all been summoned, Discord nodded. "I'm ready."

Luna held her breath. Celestia took one last look at Orion. This was it. She faced Discord.

"Do it."

Discord clicked his fingers one last time. The amulets all shot further in to the sky one after another, a screaming, whistling sound like many thousands or tiny bottle rockets. Then they all exploded. Every possible colour, and even some without a name erupted above the crowd; fireworks brighter than any they had seen before. It was a display nopony would ever forget. The collars drifted back down to earth like silk streamers and confetti. The crowd murmured in awe of the sight, smiles on their faces.

When the deafening sound had died down, Celestia slowly looked up to Luna. Orion was nowhere to be seen. She ran to her sister, sorrowful tears stinging her eyes. "I am so sorry, Luna. I had no idea what would happen if-" Luna was smiling.

"Whatever are you sorry for?" She giggled as a tiny deep-blue snout emerged from behind her crown. Two bright eyes peered at Celestia.

"He... survived?" She muttered. "He survived!" Both sisters began prancing in celebration, dancing around each other with gleeful laughter. Celestia fell in to Luna, hugging her tight. She felt Orion climb in to her mane. His tiny voice squeaked in her ear.

"Home."

~~

A few weeks later, Celestia sipped tea while sat at the table. The Sun began to set as she waited for Luna to arrive for her breakfast. The sound of her laughing echoed down the hall, followed by the sharp click clack of her hooves on the marble floor. A quiet skittering sound emerged from the doorway as Orion shot across the dining room floor. "Curses! You beat me again!" she called out.

"Luna slow!" Orion peeped, scaling a table leg and resting his chin on the top. He surveyed the food laid out before him. "Food?" Luna caught up, panting for breath. She slowed to a halt at her side of the table and sat, chest heaving.

"One day... I will... be the... victor!" she managed to choke out between breaths. Orion tittered his bizarre chirpy laughter, hopping up on the table to go for the fruit bowl.

"Luna, please." Celestia spoke, rolling her eyes.

"I'm sorry sister. Orion-"

"I mean, you'd never be able to beat him in a race. He's far too quick for your old bones." She smirked smugly over her teacup. Luna huffed and slammed her hoof on the table.

"Old bones?" she shouted. "I'll show you old, you... you... mule!" She got up and charged around the table, eyes fixed on her sister. Celestia panicked, dropping her tea. The cup shattered, but she didn't care; she had to leave.

"I bet you can't catch me!" Celestia chuckled as she fled, Luna gaining ground as they both darted through another door.

As the door closed behind them, Orion helped himself to a bunch of grapes from the middle of the table. Feast fit for king, or hunter, he thought.

Princess Celestia's Uneventful Day

Author's Note

This chapter features a game called Buckyball, which I had come up with back in 2014. It just so happens that, in 2016, the show added a sport called Buckball. The sports vary, and I imagine the similarities in their names will be a bone of contention for some ponies, probably in a similar way to the Football/Football/Soccer argument in our world.

Buckyball is a little similar to Buckball, except the court is separated by an impassable half-way line, and it has more in common with dodgeball. Yay for pony violence. >:3

Honestly, the show should have gone with Buckyball for the chemistry pun.

Anyway, enough of this; please enjoy this story about Celestia trying to catch a break.

Princess Celestia's Uneventful Day

It was more than I could take. The suspense was killing me, waiting for this nameless stallion so I could reveal my singular ambition. He was strong, there was no doubting that; whether he'd be strong enough to show a little mare like me a thing or two was another matter. I certainly had plans for him. The bridle in my saddlebags was testament enough to that. I hoped I wouldn't be too much for him to handle; then again, being too much was all part of the fun.

He soon returned from the washroom, freshened up and ready to see me. His enormous hooves were no longer dirty from his long stint in the fields, but I could tell that the dirt ran much deeper in this one. “You ready, lil' filly?” he asked me, strutting up with an overconfident smile on his chiselled face. “I uh, I know I'm usually one for plowin' fields, but a plowpony's work is never done.” I tried not to cringe at the come-on. I'd already made it this far, so I made sure he was in for a nasty surprise.

“Well, I'll be sure to make you work extra hard if you want your... payoff.” I smirked, running my tongue along my lips. “Would you do something for me?”

“Well sure, miss! I love to please the mares. What d'you have in mind?”

“I want you to squeal when I f-”

“Princess?”

Celestia looked up from her book, lounging comfortably on her couch. “Is there something the matter?” The messenger pegasus caught his breath.

“I'm terribly sorry to interrupt, Your Highness, but an urgent matter has arisen in the court. There is some confusion as to the current tax rates and levies imposed on market workers in-”

“I'm sure my chancellor can see to that. I have also briefed Luna on the issue, so she can help if needs be. Is that all?” The messenger looked slightly confused by Celestia's apparent apathy; usually she was very much hooves-on in such affairs.

“I... I think so, Princess.”

“Then you may go.” Celestia dismissed him, engrossing herself in her book once more.

“Yes, Your Highness, at once.” The pegasus left, carefully closing the doors behind him.

“Let's find out where this novel is... going...” As she read on, she wondered quite how this series was getting such glowing reviews from its readers. “Oh my! Th-this is... terrible... awful, filth!” She closed the book at once, putting it face-down on the coffee table to avoid seeing the cheesy cover image. “This is what passes for literature now? No wonder I've not read in so long.” She shook her head, standing up and heading out of the room. Maybe it was time to get involved in the market workers' business after all.

~~

“Sister, you really should lighten up! The traders are irate about their tax increase, so what? You're their ruler, right? You decide what sacrifices are necessary for the good of the nation!” Luna tried to cheer Celestia up, trotting along beside her to keep up with her fast, lengthy strides. “How about a good old-fashioned public shaming? Put a bridle on the ring-leader and march him around Canterlot, shave his mane, that sort of thing.”

“Luna, I really wish Discord wouldn't talk to you when I'm not around. He keeps putting ideas in your head.”

“Yes, but sometimes he has really good ideas.”

“We are not tyrants, you know that!” Celestia rolled her eyes.

“I-I know... I was just... joking?” Luna laughed nervously. Of course they weren't tyrants! “I mean... who puts bridles on ponies now? That is... so last millennia.”

“It was necessary in times of war and civil unrest, as much as I hate to admit it. Now it is barbaric and unseemly. Public shaming has not been used as a punishment for over a thousand years.”

“It really does show them their place, though.” Luna had a point. Still, Celestia wasn't about to violate her own long-standing morals to keep the traders quiet.

“Look Luna, I know you are just trying to cheer me up with these wild ideas, but I am really not in the mood for joking right now. I have had a fairly rough afternoon and I could do with some time alone.”

“But – ” Luna's ears drooped. “ – you said we'd spend the evening playing Buckyball; you promised.” Her little sister's plea hit her where it hurt, her insides twisting with guilt.

“I... I did.” She certainly wasn't up to such strenuous physical exercise at that moment. “Luna, I'm sorry; I am really tired right now. How about you come and wake me up early at the end of your watch and we'll play ball before sunrise?”

~~

Luna hadn't willingly accepted the idea at first, but her sister finally convinced her. Celestia would admit that the puppy-dog eyes were nearly irresistible, but she felt so tired. “What a day.” she sighed as she flopped on to her bed. “Maybe I should take a nap before dinner.” She settled on top of the luxuriant duvet, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. The smell of freshly laundered cotton was calming to her. Her quarters were her place of sanctuary, a place to unwind and relax, to forget about the day's tedium. It was a cushy life, living as a monarch, but sometimes she wished for a little more excitement; it was often hard to come by in Equestria.

She looked around, taking in the usual, comforting sights of her bedroom: the silken curtains, the golden furniture, the marble walls; this was solace. When all was going wrong in parliament, in the courts, in the foreign ministry, she knew she could retreat to this place of familiarity. And yet, something wasn't right.

She glanced about, trying to figure out what was bothering her; something was different, but she couldn't put her hoof on it. The vase was on its stand, the mirror on the wall, the curtains open and tied, the drawers and the wardrobe polished; not one thing was out of place, except...

“Oh no.” Celestia blushed at the sight; issue one of Fifty Shetlands Grey was stood upright on her bedside table. Somepony must have moved it when they were tidying up, perhaps putting it on display as some kind of practical joke. She was so embarrassed; she had no idea what the book was about when she purchased it, but what must her staff think of her now? “I should send this to the moon!” she hissed. She opened a drawer from across the room and roughly stashed the book away, her magic moving it with such force it could have shattered teeth. She huffed as she placed her head on the covers. “I should get some rest.” she muttered, trying not to think about the maids and what gossip might have been fluttering about.

An hour passed, but sleep did not come; she tried every conceivable position to send her off, but to no avail. Her frustration and boredom grew as she realised it was impossible. She groaned and sat up, sighing deeply. “Forget it.” She glared at the drawer, knowing that the offending tome was still in there. She resorted to her tried and tested method of coping; a stern lecture. “Horrid book! They found you in my quarters and I am probably the laughing stock of Equestria right now, all because I had no idea what you were about.” She scowled for a while before she realised how silly this all was. She couldn't help but chuckle at her own expense. “I've inflicted bridle and bit torture on ponies who have caused me less embarrassment; you are lucky you're a book and don't possess a muzzle.”

Celestia sighed again, finally shrugging the anxiety off; she was the ruler of Equestria, anypony could think what they wanted about her and she'd still be The Princess. She rolled her eyes and retrieved the book again, watching it sail towards her in a yellow haze. She tutted as she saw the cover, a farmhoof in working gear, the brim of his hat obscuring his eyes. “My goodness, what liberal times we live in.” A thousand years saw Equestria change in many ways, and most of it Celestia was glad for; the happiness of her subjects was the most important aspect of her job and she had eventually realised it was their personal freedoms that brought it about. “Well, it is none of my business what they get up to in their spare time.” She set the book down in front of her, still finding the cover amusingly cheesy. Fetching a deck of playing cards from her bedside table, she began setting out a game of solitaire to pass the time before dinner.

The game was going well; she had already found all four aces and was working at finding the kings. She stopped for a moment to get an overview of the cards, planning her next few moves, but something was distracting her. She frowned and shook her head, risking another glance at the book to her right. Maybe it was good to some ponies, but definitely not her. She turned a few more cards over from the top of the deck, looking for another chain. A second glance. Just what was the protagonist going to do with that bridle? They were only used for public discipline centuries ago, weren't they? Could it be less foul than she had thought? Perhaps it was going to be a mystery or an adventure story instead. She picked up the book, turning back to where she left off; for the sake of knowing, she would persevere.

“Celestia? Oh, there you are!” Luna exclaimed as she casually wandered in to her sister's room. Celestia quickly hid her book under the pillow. “What have you been up to? We're waiting for you in the main hall; dinner is served.”

“I-I was just taking a nap.” She had to think on her hooves. “You... woke me up, Luna; that's very uh... rude of you.”

“Rude, dear sister? We've been waiting for nearly twenty minutes; I think keeping your guests waiting is rather ruder, don't you?” Luna's irate tone shot down any defences she had.

“Guests?” Celestia's eyes widened.

“Of course! You remember, right; Twilight and Cadence? You invited them over for a banquet just last week.” Luna frowned; Celestia wasn't normally this forgetful.

“Yes, yes of course.” she lied. “I just wasn't... feeling very well.”

“Oh my, are you okay? Is it the Filly Fever coming back? Twilight said it can do that.”

“I – ” Celestia coughed, “ – I think it might be.”

“Hm, your cheeks are rather red; I shall have to fetch the apothecary at once!” Her sister turned to leave.

“No, wait! I'm dealing with it; I will be fine.” There was an awkward silence. “You... you go and have dinner without me; I will be down to see you all when I'm feeling up to it.”

“But sister, Cadence has travelled an awfully long way to be here; she's not left the Crystal Empire in months. Twilight is getting rather restless as well, but I suppose that's just her.”

“I'm sorry Luna, I-”

“If it's the Fever, you won't get them sick; could you perhaps at least stay for the starter?” Luna pouted, feeling bad for the other princesses as they sat waiting in the dining hall.

“I... suppose I could try...”

“Great! Will you be long? I know you might want to freshen up a little first.”

“I'll be down in five minutes; go ahead and start without me.” Celestia gave a reassuring smile, waiting for Luna to leave.

“Hurry though, Celestia; the soup will be getting cold.” Luna left, to Celestia's relief. She fished the book out from under her pillow, glad that she had not seen it. Some of the pages were battered and crumpled, for a moment she felt remorse well up inside; treating a book with so little respect was shameful, but, she reminded herself, it was by no means fine literature. Still, she only had a few pages to go before the end of the chapter.

“Well, I've got some time.” She read on.

A knock at her bedroom door brought her to attention; she looked up, casually sliding the book under the covers. “Princess Celestia?” the voice of her student sounded from the other side. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Twilight? Yes, I'm feeling fine, thank you.” Without asking for permission, Twilight opened the door and stepped in.

“It's just you've been up here for half an hour, and we're worried about you.” She was wearing her crown, part and parcel of being a princess. “I came to see if you needed any help.”

“Help with what?”

“I... I don't know. Anything?” Twilight thought through her offer; what exactly would Celestia even need help with?

“I'm quite all right, thank you Twilight Sparkle.” Celestia smiled. The blush on her cheeks returned; keeping secrets was much harder than she remembered.

“Well, why don't you join us for dinner? The main course is on its way.” Twilight raised an eyebrow; she always knew when something wasn't right. Celestia had to think quickly, or Twilight would definitely find out the truth.

“I mean... I'm quite ill, but I am coping well.”

“I see...”

“Yes, so...” she paused to cough “... if you don't mind, I need some rest.”

“I thought you were 'coping well'.” Twilight started to walk over to her bed, looking her up and down suspiciously.

“I am coping well enough not to need medical attention, but I'm still sick.”

“Uh huh.” She didn't sound convinced, but she stopped advancing. “Would you like me to bring you something to eat, then?” Celestia thought about it; some food would be nice. If she could keep on playing the 'oh woe is me, I'm dying' card, she could avoid having to leave the room to get it.

“That would be most gracious of you, Twilight.”

“Okay, well I'm going to just... get you some food.” She left slowly, taking a moment to glance over her shoulder; Celestia stayed unnaturally still until she finally disappeared into the hallway.

The door was still open, but she was sure she could hear anypony coming long before they would be able to see her. Of course, she was only thinking of ponies who walked; she removed the book from under the covers and resumed reading, but it wasn't long before Twilight suddenly appeared in the door-frame and trotted to the foot of her bed. “Okay, I got you some roasted-” She paused, mouth agape; the tray she had brought with her dropped to the floor with a crash. Celestia stared in stunned silence; how could she have not seen this coming? Twilight spent a while trying to compute what she was seeing. She had heard all about Fifty Shetlands Grey, and now she was in the presence of her centuries-old mentor, in front of whom was a copy of the very same book. “Celestia!” Twilight dropped all formality, feeling violated by the very thought of what the princess might want with such a poorly-written, cheap, nasty book in the first place.

Celestia hid the book once more, though it did no good; it was far too late. She felt like she'd been caught with the stallion next door by her parents. She stammered and blushed, avoiding Twilight's accusing gaze; she had never been so embarrassed in all her life. “It's... not what it looks like.” She saw that her only option was to keep on digging. “It's not mine; I'm holding it for a friend.” Lying was exceptionally difficult; far more-so than she remembered. Twilight gawked, not wanting to believe it.

“What in Equestria do you think you're doing?” she hissed, rushing to her side and snatching the book away. “Why do you have this?”

“I don't know.” Celestia felt ridiculous, being scolded by her student. “I just found it and I was going to take it back to the original owner and then I got sick and-”

“No, no, this is yours; this is yours by royal decree!” Twilight flipped to the back page; Celestia's sun emblem was printed in gold ink on the cheap paper. “You ordered this book!” She was cornered. Why did she have to take such smart students in the first place? Why couldn't she have taken on someone less astute?

“Twilight, I just didn't know, really! I heard very little about it, but one of my messengers told me it was very popular.”

“And do you know why it's popular?” Twilight snapped. Celestia knew very well why, but she played dumb; she shook her head. “Because it's for lonely mares who need a cheap thrill in their boring lives! This really isn't becoming of you, Princess!”

“Hold on just a minute!” Celestia spoke up sternly. “How dare you talk to me like that; how dare you tell me what is becoming of me!” She scowled, rising up from her bed and looming over her. Twilight was suddenly in two minds about all of this; she hated the idea that Celestia possibly enjoyed the story, but she also didn't want to push her too far. “I had no idea what the story was about, but I am giving it a chance! You, of all ponies, should know that you should never judge a book by its cover!”

“Or by the first twelve chapters?” She couldn't resist. Celestia looked back to the book, realising that she should have removed her ornate bookmark.

“N-no, not by that either...”

“All I'm saying is, you really should consider what your subjects will think if they find out about this. I'm just trying to look out for you, Princess; you're my teacher, my mentor, and above all you are my friend. I just don't want everypony to get the wrong ideas.” Twilight tried to be more friendly, hoping that she hadn't caused too much damage already.

“I... I understand.” Celestia bowed her head, knowing that she was right; everypony would laugh, ruler or not. “Perhaps I should stop reading, for my own good.”

“I think that would be the best choice, Princess.” They nodded to each other.

“Well–” Celestia tucked the book away under her pillow; she would deal with it later. “– since my dinner has made friends with the floor tiles, perhaps I should head down after all.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Twilight chuckled nervously as she started to pick it up.

“Do not worry Twilight, I employ ponies for that; it will be cleared before I get back.” She was still not used to her elevated status, so felt bad about leaving the shattered plate behind. “Let's go; I do not wish to leave Cadence waiting any longer.”

The feast continued without incident; it was a wonderful evening full of fine cuisine and lively conversation. After everything that Celestia had put up with, after what Twilight had seen, she finally felt that she could shake off the embarrassment. She made a note to dispose of the book the following morning, but it could wait. It was safely hidden under her pillow, away from prying eyes; sleep was the only thing left on her mind. She left Luna to her duty of guarding the night, her hunger satisfied, then laid herself to rest.

~~

Her sleep was peaceful, serene; even with the stresses of the previous day, with the confusing allure of the cheap paperback, she felt calm and collected. That was, of course, until Luna came to wake her. “Celestia...” she whispered, rocking her sleeping sister by the shoulder. “Celestia, awaken...” She spluttered awake, grunting gracelessly as she rolled over.

“What... what is it?” Celestia yawned, pulling herself upright. “It is not yet time for the Sun to rise; why have you disturbed me? Is there a problem?”

“No, no problem at all.” Luna smiled at her, her pristine teeth seeming to glow in the dim moonlight. Celestia huffed.

“Then why did you wake me; was there any need?” She could vaguely make out the object that Luna presented to her; it was spherical, encased in what appeared to be finely-knitted burlap bound with latex. “... Really?”

“You did promise me!” Luna frowned, hoping that she remembered.

“I did?”

“Yes, dear sister! You said we could play Buckyball before dawn!” She sounded disappointed, as though she expected another rejection. Celestia felt guilty, not wanting to let her down again.

“I suppose I did; are you not tired after your watch?” Luna vigorously shook her head; oh how Celestia envied her youthfulness.

“First to twenty points!” Luna bounded away, stopping to look back at her sister before she left. “I shall race you to the courts!”

“Wait a moment.” Celestia grumbled, rubbing her eyes; she was still half-asleep. “Let me just- oof!” she yelped as she tumbled out of bed, pulling the sheets off after her. Luna lit a lamp, rushing to check on her.

“Are you hurt?”

“I am fine, Luna; let me stand.” She righted herself, shaking her mane out to blow the cobwebs of sleep away. “Let's go, shall we?”

“Celestia?”

“Yes?”

“What, pray-tell, is that?” Celestia looked down at her feet, where Luna was pointing. “Fifty... Shetlands... Grey...” she read the title upside-down. “Is it a novel?”

“It's nothing!” Celestia kicked it under the bed, suddenly panicking. “It's nothing at all; let's go play some ball! We're racing, remember?” She galloped away, forcing some joyous laughter to encourage her.

“Just a moment, We must know what this book is about; the title is most intriguing!”

“Oh, I... I'll tell you about it while we play, okay?” she bargained, urging her sister not to dig for the book; it didn't look as though Luna would comply, but after a while she agreed.

“Well, We suppose the best reviews come from the readers. Let us go!” She scampered away, none the wiser. Celestia sighed in relief, taking off to chase her down the hallway.

~~

Out on the Buckyball courts, Celestia began stretching her legs, not wanting to pull anything. She was not one for quick physical activity, at least with Luna out of the way for a thousand years; she never had much of a chance to play sports or exercise with her younger sister absent. Due to her rustiness, she opted to wear the full set of armoured pads; Buckyball was known to leave one looking as though they'd rolled off a cliff.

“What are you doing, dear sister?” Luna asked, balancing the ball on her wrist.

“I am stretching my muscles; it is always a good idea to warm up beforehoof.”

“We never sustained a muscular sprain during an athletic event, even without stretching prior.” Celestia rolled her eyes; Luna's youthful, boundless energy did pry loose a few flecks of jealousy, though she would never admit it.

“Let's just get started, okay?” Luna didn't give warning; the only sound Celestia heard before hitting the ground in a daze was a distinct 'ping'. Her cheek stung fiercely as she watched the ball bouncing away across the blue-stained clay through watering eyes.

“My apologies, sister; We thought you were ready.” Her gloating made Celestia's anger stir in her gut; it took a lot to get her upset, but Luna was an expert in the field of provocation. “Is that one point to Us?”

The game continued, Luna getting a firm head-start early on. Celestia's cheeks were hot, stinging in the cool morning air. One too many hits to the face drove her temper right up. The floodlights that lit the court were dazzling, especially through the tears. "Luna, stop!" Celestia landed hard, skidding to a halt as she narrowly avoided yet another jaw-rattler. Panting, she removed the somewhat useless helmet and set it down on the clay. "I need rest."

"It is not half-of-time yet!" Luna pointed to the clock, still ticking down above the court.

"Stop the clock then, I need to catch my breath." Celestia limped to the benches, stripping some more armour from her flank and letting it fall.

"Get back here! I haven't finished with you yet!" Her competitive nature was really begining to grate.

"Oh, put a hoof in it, will you?"

Luna scowled. "Well! I never..." She grumbled, heading over to retrieve the ball, then retired to the furthest end of the bench to get a bottle of water. Celestia stared at the far end of the court, avoiding her sister's gaze. She removed her gum-shield, the golden plastic shimmering in the magnesium-white light. The only sound, other than her heartbeat furiously pounding in her ears, was of Luna making slightly-too-loud remarks about Celestia's age and figure. "I never... slices of cake... exercise wouldn't hurt... not going to kill you..." Celestia sighed, rubbing her temples and gritting her teeth. "... was only tapping it... cry about it?"

"Luna!" she snapped. "That is enough!" Her voice echoed off the alabaster walls surrounding the courtyard, fading in to the night. Luna, for the following moment, looked terrified. Her eyes flicked up to the moon, then back to her sister. Celestia was baring her teeth, brow furrowed.

"... I am sorry." she peeped, playing with the star-field of her mane and avoiding her eyes. "I just get very caught up in the majesty of it all."

"Majesty? This sport is simply barbaric at times."

"Glorious and stirring!"

"Violent and unnecessary!" Celestia leaned in to her shout, feeling a muscle twang in her ribs. Doubling over, she coughed. "Ah, shh-" She took a sharp breath. "- sugarlumps." Luna trotted to her side.

"Are you okay, dear sister?"

"It is but a stitch." she wheezed, clutching at her chest. "I will be fine."

It was only up close that Luna could see the effects of her new favourite passtime. Celestia's cheeks were sore and swollen, the skin around her left eye darkening with every passing second. A red, circular welt bloomed on her neck where her last buckshot had caught her. "Celestia..."

"What? What is it now?"

"I am sorry. I didn't realise that I was kicking so hard."

"You think so?" Celestia let her anger out piece by piece.

"It's just, to score, I needed to knock you-"

"Down? Out cold? Into orbit?" Luna's worried eyes passed over the moon again.

"Sister, please. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm sure." Celestia stood, stretching out her wings. "But then, that's the whole goal of this ridiculous sport, isn't it?" She headed for the gate. "I'm going to get breakfast."

"Celestia, wait." Luna whined, catching up with her. "I really am sorry!" She thought of anything that might distract her, digging through their recent conversations. "Tell me, uh... about that book you were reading earlier."

"Look!" Celestia turned, forcing her to stop dead, leaning back to avoid crashing into her. "I am tired and sore, and the last thing I want is for you to interrogate me about that vile book!" Luna gulped. "Understood?" She nodded.

With that, Celestia disappeared through the open door, her hoofsteps loud on the marble. Luna sat on the cold flagstones, removing her helmet. "I only wanted to spend time with you."

~~

After raising the sun, Celestia took her breakfast alone, choosing to eat in her chambers. She nursed her black eye with a cold compress, cursing her sister for having such strong legs. Sitting in front of her mirror, she checked her neck. The swelling was going down. "I hate that awful game." she grumbled, picking at a slice of toast. A snide comment about 'ponies these days' caught on her tongue as she remembered the jousting tournaments of old. At least nopony had died playing Buckyball, to the best of her knowledge. She sighed, lowering the hand-towel full of ice.

A loud pop by her side startled her. She looked down at the floor as a scroll of parchment landed on it. It was sealed with a crest: a pink, six-pointed starburst. "Oh, from Twilight?" She picked it up, levitating it in front of her as she unrolled it.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry about the way I spoke to you yesterday. It was really out of line for me to question whatever it is you do in private. I slept quite badly, knowing that I'd upset you, so I just had to write to you.

It's perfectly fine with me that you are a fan of E. L. Manes, even if I don't really understand why. Believe me, I wanted to find out what the hype was all about, myself. Her work is of a rather provocative, transgressive nature, and I really can't abide her very basic grasp of modern Ponish. She writes about things I'm not really comfortable reading about.

All the same, I am glad you have something to unwind with. I understand how stressful being a princess can be, now!

Anyway, I hope your day goes well. I need to head out shortly with Spike and visit Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie has a cake she wants us to take to Fluttershy's tea party later.

Sincerely, your faithful student,

Twilight Sp Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Celestia stifled a giggle. "Fan of E. L. Manes..." She whinnied indignantly. "Yeah, okay." Setting the scroll aside, she stood and stretched, arching her back like a cat. Her joints complained, still recovering from the vigorous game earlier that morning. "I'd best get to work." She had a busy morning ahead.

~~

Lunchtime finally rolled around, albeit late, the Sun still high in the sky. Celestia, still not a fan of E. L. Manes by any stretch of the imagination, carried her copy of Fifty Shetlands Grey (only coincidentally authored by E. L. Manes) out to her private garden. Basking in the warm glow of the afternoon, she sat by a small koi pond and watched the fiery orange fish swimming lazily. She dropped a few pinches of their food into the water, seeing it float on the surface for a moment before it was snapped up. The sight of them enjoying a snack made her smile. "Well, at least you can't judge me." She sat in the partial shade of an old silver birch, the Sun casting tiny rays through the canopy.

The next chapter of the book was agonising; the temptation the farmpony felt around this most dominant of mares was fascinating. With only a few more chapters to go, speculation as to the conclusion of this story was driving her mad. Celestia held the book close to her face, engrossed in every tiny detail. She was so enamored with this story of romance, of lust, power and control, that she barely noticed the hoofsteps on the gravel path.

"There you are."

Celestia leapt up in surprise, dropping her book. It bounced down the hillside and landed with a wet slap on the surface of the pond.

"Luna!" she shrieked. "No no no!" She bounded down to the water's edge, fishing it out with a levitation spell. It was soaked. She pranced from hoof to hoof on the spot, biting her lip. "No, it's ruined!"

"Oh, dear sister, I am so sorry! I did not mean to startle you." Luna approached Celestia and put her wing around her shoulders.

"I was so close to the end!" The Sun princess felt an urge to cry, one she hadn't felt in many years. She just had to know what happened next.

"I'm sorry, Tia." Luna tried once more, resting the bridge of her muzzle on the white coat of her neck.

Celestia sighed shakily, fighting back a few stray tears. "No, it's okay... It's okay, I can send for a replacement." She sat on the grassy bank, looking defeated.

"I had come to talk to you about that very novel, in fact." Luna said, sitting beside her. "A pity that you won't be able to read the final chapters, at least for a while longer."

"Yes, a pity." Celestia sighed.

"I really wanted to ask you about it; it has been a long while since I've seen you so caught up on a piece of literature." Luna leaned on her, just happy to be close to her again. "But, really, I can see why."

"You can?" Her sister looked down at her, puzzled.

"Of course." Luna produced a book, a plain hardback, the cover a matte blue.

"What is this?"

"Why don't you open it and take a look?" She handed it over. Celestia opened the front cover. There, a silver-blue crescent moon was stamped. Above it, the title read 'Fifty Shetlands Grey by E. L. Manes'.

"Y-you... you read this?" her quiet question gave way to Luna's excited squealing.

"Yes of course! I was up all morning reading it!" The younger princess stood, now hopping up and down on the spot. "I sent for a copy the moment you went to breakfast and I haven't put it down since!" Shouting with excitement like a school-filly, she stared expectantly at her sister. "I know you've not read to the very end, but I simply must know! What did you think of their first time together? Don't you think the farmhoof sounds like the most handsome fellow? Did you know what the tack was for? Wasn't their scene in the showers most riveting?"

"Luna!" Celestia stopped her, raising a hoof for silence. "You can't tell me that you really enjoy this... filth. I was simply reading it for the good of the people."

Luna stared.

Celestia stared back.

They both burst out laughing.

"Oh my goodness, the scene where she brings out that crop was amazing! When he starts bawling his eyes out because she says 'who's a silly pony?'"

"I know! I know! I loved the part where he says 'Yeah, well, bite me!' and she actually does it!"

"And when she makes him sign that contract? I've never seen a stallion so nervous; reading it made me feel kind of-"

"- Powerful?"

"Yeah, let's go with that."

Their excited laughter dying down, the both eventually sat back on the grass. Catching her breath, Celestia felt a sense of relief. If Luna was a fan, then surely it wasn't so bad after all.

"If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to borrow your copy so that I can finish it."

"It would be my pleasure."

Celestia tucked the book away behind her wing, smiling brightly. "I must admit, it was a stroke of genius, removing the dust cover. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Oh, I simply spilled coffee on mine." Luna grinned.

"Weren't you worried that anypony could have seen what you were reading?"

"Not really. After all, I am a princess. It's not like they'd stage a coup just because we read some popular book series."

"It's a series?" Celestia asked with her mouth agape. "We simply must get every one of them for our library! Plain covers, of course."

"No, we shall keep the artwork. It is most... exciting." Luna said with a titter. "As far as the peasantry and their opinions are concerned, they can go and fuck themselves."