Slim Pickings

by ocalhoun

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random, Prince Blueblood, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1392

According to Equestrian law, Twilight must marry a prince... and there's only one eligible bachelor prince in Equestria.

According to Equestrian law, Twilight must marry a prince... and there's only one eligible bachelor prince in Equestria. Her wedding plans are going to have to be changed a little.

Proofreading by RaylanKrios.

Published 2014-08-31 22:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-31 22:40:05 UTC

Slim Pickings

Twilight could hardly keep her pace to a trot as she rushed through the long palace hallway. She'd been yearning to say it for days, and now was the perfect opportunity. It took all her will to not just shout it out. She took deep breaths, attempting to calm herself. She was a princess – she needed to show proper decorum.

The royal guard in front of the door stepped aside with a bow, and the golden door opened from the inside.

She stepped into the royal lounge.

Inside reclined the very top of the who's-who of Equestria. Not only Celestia and Luna, but Cadance and Shining Armor, visiting from the Crystal Empire. They all hushed and stared for a moment as she entered.

“Twiley!” Shining Armor jumped up.

Cadance wasn't far behind him. “Twilight! You made it!”

“Of course.” Twilight waved it away with a hoof. “It's been too long.”

“It has indeed.” Celestia relaxed back into her lounge chair. “Come, take a seat. We were just catching up on events in the Crystal Empire.”

“Well, actually...” Twilight didn't want to sit just yet. She wasn't sure she could sit still and relax, not until she told them the news. “Actually, I have something to tell you. To tell you all.”

Cadance tilted her head to the side. “What is it, Twilight?”

Twilight took a deep breath. “I'm getting married!”

Cadance's mouth opened into a silent 'Oh'. Shining Armor's eyes shot open wide. Celestia gasped and winced.

“This is most fortuitous news!” Luna rose from her pillows. “I knew Blueblood would find a match some day!” She shot a smug grin to her older sister. “Our bet?”

What? Twilight stared at her.

Celestia's horn glowed, and a small bag, clinking with bits, floated toward Luna. Halfway there, though, it froze. “Wait...” Celestia's eyes narrowed. “Marrying whom?”

Luna glared at her. “There is only one possibility, sister.”

Celestia didn't take her eyes off Twilight. “Who is it?”

Fighting an inexplicable urge to step back, to run, Twilight glanced side to side. Her brother and sister-in-law still stared at her. “Well, I've gotten engaged to Rainbow Dash.”

Luna's head drooped.

Even though the bag of bits floated back to Celestia, the Princess sighed and shook her head. “I'm sorry, Twilight.”

Something clicked inside Twilight's head, a switch that didn't often get thrown. She scowled at Celestia. “I think the phrase you're looking for is 'congratulations', not 'I'm sorry'.”

Luna stepped over to her and laid a hoof on her shoulder... or tried to. Twilight shrugged it off as soon as it came.

“Twilight,” Celestia said, “did you read that book about royal customs and duties I sent you?”

Giving her former teacher a doubtful glare from the corner of her eye, Twilight shrugged. “I'm still working my way through it. It is over four thousand pages.”

Luna glanced to Celestia. “We should get around to revising that.”

Celestia ignored her sister. “Twilight, according to Equestrian law, a princess can only marry a prince.”

Twilight's mind went black, a void no thought could cross. “But...”

Luna brought her hoof back to Twilight's shoulder. This time, it stayed.

Shining Armor and Cadance came up to her, wrapping her in a three-way hug.

“But...” That couldn't possibly be right. Because... “But Shining Armor wasn't a prince when Princess Cadance married him!” Twilight could feel Cadance's wince.

“I'm sorry, Twilight. According to the terms of the treaty, I didn't technically become a princess until after I married. They wrote that in because I was so young when I came.”

“So...” The wheels in Twilight's mind spun uselessly, unable to process it.

“So–” Celestia bit her lip “–there is only one pony in Equestria you could legally marry.”

Twilight's mental wheels kept spinning. They gained some traction now, but she didn't like the direction they were going.

The golden door opened again. “You called?” Prince Blueblood stood in the doorway, posing dramatically with a raised eyebrow. His mane waved in an inexplicable wind.

Luna glared at him. “Out!”

His eyes narrowed in return. “I have as much right to the royal lounge as any other royalty.”

The Princess of the Night didn't back down. “You forget Princess Cadance's restraining order, Prince. You are not to be within one hundred meters of her.” She took a menacing step toward him.

He backed away. “Fine, fine.” He turned to leave, mumbling. Just before the door closed, he glanced back at Twilight. “See you around, future wife.”

“What?” Twilight's eye twitched. The ponies around her drew back when her legs went tense.

Celestia winced again. “Right.” She glanced around, but apparently, nopony else felt like explaining it. “Well, you see, it's ah...”

“A princess does not fully inherit her throne – by Equestrian law – until she marries.” Luna kept staring at the door.

Those spinning wheels froze, locked in place. “No no no no. That is not happening.”

Celestia shook her head. “It's not so bad. Blueblood is a mortal, so it's only for one lifetime. And believe it or not, he's much better than my first husband.”

“No!” Twilight stomped a hoof down. “Change the law! I'm marrying Rainbow Dash!”

“Twilight, please.” Celestia finally rose. “The law hasn't changed for tens of thousands of years. We can't change it. Please, just go along with it. It isn't so bad... and there is no urgency. You could easily wait until Blueblood is much older, so you need not spend so much time with him. Believe me, in a thousand years or so, this will be nothing.”

“I said no!” With a flash, Twilight teleported away.

She reappeared on a high balcony of Canterlot Castle, taking wing immediately and heading for Ponyville.

* * *

The four royal ponies stared at the spot Twilight had vanished from. One by one, their ability to hold back laughter gave way to snorts and chuckles.

“I do believe she actually fell for it,” Luna said with a grin.

Celestia took a moment to calm herself. “I hope she doesn't take it too seriously. She has been known to...”

“Break down into a psychotic episode and threaten the survival of Equestria with a misguided spell?” Shining Armor glanced back at the small scorch mark on the floor.

“I'm sure she'll be fine.” Cadance winced. “She's a very smart pony. She'll figure it out. And besides, the first solution she'll think of is reading. She'll look in that book and find out there's no such law.”

Blueblood burst in through the golden door. “So, how did it go?”

All four of them whirled to face him. “Out!” they all shouted.

“But...”

“The outcome of our joke does not affect the validity of your restraining order, Prince Blueblood.” Celestia gave him a stern glare.

He rolled his eyes. “Fine.” With another slam of the door, he was gone.

Celestia looked back to the others. “I'm certain Twilight will realize what happened soon, but perhaps we should travel to Ponyville... just in case.”

“Just in case Twilight decides to overthrow the government of Equestria and write her own marriage laws?” Cadance raised an eyebrow.

Celestia allowed herself a little grin in the corner of her mouth. “Something like that.”

* * *

Twilight burst into the ballroom of her own castle as if she was intruding. “Rainbow, finally! There you are!”

Rainbow and Spike looked back at her, their faces in blank shock.

“Um, hey babe,” Rainbow Dash called out, a far cry from her usual self-sure attitude. “Me and Spike were just going over some of the wedding plans. Did you set a date?”

“Wow, you're home early.” Spike looked at an imaginary watch. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything's just fine.” Twilight put on her best smile, though she feared it might look a little off. “Rainbow, darling, we're going to Griffonia. Right now.”

Rainbow stared at her with a scrunched-up face. “Griffonia? Why?”

“We're going to go get married under griffon marriage laws. Immediately.”

“But...” Rainbow's mouth hung open for a moment. “How are we going to do any kind of a ceremony in Griffonia? And what's this about, anyway?”

“No time. I'll tell you on the way.” Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin. “You're right about the ceremony, though. Hm...” Her hoof stopped. She had her answer. “Spike, get Pinkie.”

The End