The Main Attraction

by Dimentio

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Trixie, Comedy
Length: 7143

King Dimentio? A simple Jester? Who or what is this dimension hopper really?

This is a crossover with Super Paper Mario, I'd like to start by saying that Dimentio is owned by Nintendo, MLP is owned by Hasbro, yadda yadda yadda.

Dimentio-the insane dimension shifting jester- is older than many might believe...Losing the Chaos Heart was not his first failure and will not be his end. Meanwhile on another plane of existence, a strange book found by Trixie leads to a spiraling chain of events that could very well lead to the end of Equestria and all worlds as we know them.

(PS.this is not a rewrite of Master of Dimensions, Pleaser of Crowds, the only true relation between the two is Dimentio)

(PPS.Unfortunately, due to there being only five character tags I couldn't tag Discord)

(PPPS. I'm quite unsure about which tags to use at the moment, but you can be certain that they'll be added as it goes along)
Cover art by: JazzyQ

Preread by: Sky Blue CMC

Edited by: Nobody (would still like to fix that)

Published 2014-08-24 18:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-01 20:39:23 UTC

Prologue

A Look Into The Past

The true King's perspective

It was funny really, the three unicorns standing before me...I couldn't help but stifle a laugh. One thing did irk me slightly though, Starswirl, my most loyal of servants was among them. I recognized the other two as well, though they weren't truly of much concern. One, a pink maned alabaster mare named Celestia, and the other, Luna, an almost uniform dark blue. Those two were once affectionately deemed princesses by Queen Esmer and I. All three of them had an air of confidence bordering on arrogance.

"This is where it ends King Dimentio, we're done watching your people suffer!" Starswirl said angrily, causing me to smile even wider.

"Ohoh, but how should they suffer? There is no chaos, no strife, no disorder whatsoever." I replied. "A world without war, crime, or disease. This is a perfect world that you question."

"None can live under such repression! They have no joy, no hope-" The alabaster one began causing me to raise my hand in annoyance.

"No deviation from my standards." I declared as I stood from my throne. "I don't think you understand what hope brings...disappointment, disaster, defiance."

"How dare you." The Luna began as she stepped forward to challenge me. "Without hope there is no progress, these lands are stagnant, your people are miserable, and you...ever since the queen passed you have become a tyrant with no show of remorse!" At the mention of the queen my guard dropped momentarily, grief seemed to cloud my mind...a pitiable weakness really, sentimentality. I have since removed all ties to it.

Immediately, her horn lit up and fired several bolts of magic in my direction. The bolts deflected harmlessly off of my hand, but it seemed that it wasn't all she had in store as copies of herself suddenly surrounded me.

"Ah ah ah, attempting to copy my tricks is a poor form of flattery my dear princess." I said mockingly. "You must understand that magic is always a serious matter."

Luna grunted in surprise as my own likeness possessed her illusions. She quickly teleported back to her group as the futility of her actions was made clear.

"And mentioning her...that is worthy of punishment." I growled and snapped my fingers. The box of light surrounding Luna seemed to send a shrill jolt of terror from her white counterpart. A moment later, the blue princess was wracked with agony as I began to torture her mind, an action I was unable to finish as Starswirl and the white one attacked me simultaneously. The white one was almost negligible in comparison to my former apprentice, his spells matched even my own at the time. The white unicorn quickly noticed that she was becoming more of a hindrance than a help to Starswirl and rushed to her sister's aid.

"Luna!" I heard her pain filled shriek as she attempted to wake her sibling. I almost felt guilty for causing that, something in me telling me that this was wrong, that I shouldn't be doing this. I shrugged off "Please, wake up! we can't do this without you."

"And...you...shan't have to." The Luna, replied. It was a bit shocking to see that she was able to speak, let alone stand, but I suppose that could be attributed to her premature escape from my mental assault.

"Dimentio, stand down. You know Esmer would never approve of what you are doing. Even when she went mad, she would not see her subjects treated like cattle." Starswirl said as he put himself between the two sisters and I.

"I told you to never mention her!" I roared through my mask and unleashed a powerful assault directly at him. He attempted to shield himself but to no avail as my bolts began to crack his barrier. In desperation he warped to the side of the other unicorns.

"You were once such a kind king..." The Celestia said as she looked at me with hardly veiled sadness. The smallest pang of guilt resonated within him. "You and Queen Esmer took my sister and I in and practically raised us as your own! I have no idea what happened to the queen, but whatever caused her death warped you as well. Your once caring eyes and crown of gold have been replaced by orbs of madness and hate behind a mask."

"You always did like to wax poetic." I sighed, this time simply dismissing the mention of Esmer as I realized that I was actually beginning to waste my strength and time by allowing anger to distract me. I backed away from the group and sat back down in my throne.

"This 'fight' is over." I said simply. "You haven't the strength to dethrone me, you will never have that kind of power."

"Do not think that this battle is won Dimentio, We have acquired a power to match even yours!" Starswirl yelled back at me, in response to what I believed to be a bluff, I laughed. "You have always told me to take magic seriously...perhaps it is time for you to practice what you preach."

"Hohoho, how long did it take you to come up with that one liner, dear Starswirl?" I laughed in response. "Regardless, you should know better than anyone else that I am always dead serious. There is no way to match my power in this world that I created."

"It's time Starswirl, we can't beat him unless we use it." Celestia said as the trio got into some strange triangular formation.

"You did not create this world alone, your wife put countermeasures in place to stop intervention by your father, a being much more powerful than even you. There is no reason they would not work against you." Starswirl said eliciting surprise from myself as a strange power linked he and his unicorn pals.

This can't be happening, there is no way that they had found it. I thought, panicking slightly as I realized what I was now facing.

"I call upon the tree of harmony, to bring balance to your ultimate order, to bring life back into this land, and to end your reign once and for all!" Starswirl declared as a second light burst through the window and combined with the power that the three unicorns had been channeling.

I hardly had time to yelp before a massive blast of light struck me and seemed to split me into pieces.

I recognized this power, it had been the failsafe that Esmer and I created to deter my father or any other beings that had achieved multiversal godhood. The entire purpose of the Tree's spell was to separate a being's consciousness, body, and power. the victim's power would be split into the closest living beings. The consciousness would then be banished from the dimension for eternity. The victim's The body would then be used as material as their knowledge would be copied into a tome that once opened would break the spell keeping them from returning.

Most of my energy was absorbed by Starswirl, quite a bit of my aura also seemed to attach the two sisters that were present, while the rest of it along with what I could see of my body becoming pages in some massive tome. Starswirl most likely succumbed to the power and his defiance against order, before everything went black I saw him clutch his head as two antlers emerged on either side of his horn as his eyes yellowed.

"Ciao...for now." I said in a way that could have chilled the mightiest of heroes. I knew that the Tree of Harmony wasn't a perfect tool, my body and my power could be taken from me, yes, my consciousness can be banished from this dimension, oh yes, but if someone were to read that book, to cast one of the spells within...I would be back, temporarily bound to that book, sure, but that would only be a minor setback.

My true body was gone, turned into a massive spellbook it seemed. My consciousness survived though, and was expelled from this peaceful world that is called Equestria and forced to wander through dimensions to find a host to pass the time... Perhaps one day I would return.

"Ah ha ha. I can hardly stand the wait."

Author's Note

Woo! This is the start of MoDPoC's replacement. I did take a little from my original story as it worked for what I needed to set the stage. Oh and keep in mind that this is a few millennium before the events of Super Paper Mario, so Dimentio isn't the lovable jester we all know just yet. I'll admit there is quite a bit of headcanon here, but that's the fun of it.

A Brand New Trick?

Present Day, The Great and Powerful Trixie's PoV

I wandered through the Everfree, intent on finding something to spice up my act. I was completely dedicated to regaining the fame I once had, I suppose I couldn't blame Twilight Sparkle or her friends for the trouble I had gotten myself into, but I certainly wanted to...All I wanted was some way to return to the stage, preferably without losing control of myself, but at this point that'd be considered a luxury.

I had no idea how long I had been in the forest looking, but a quick glance through the trees told me that it was getting dark...I needed shelter, and fast. Given my past experience with this place, I knew that nighttime was incredibly dangerous, even for ponies as great and powerful as myself.

"Heheh...oh." I said nervously as I noticed that I had struck a pose during my inner monologue instead of pushing forward to the place that I had set up my wagon. It was in a place fairly deep in the forest that held the remains of some castle that seemed even older than the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. No, this castle was different. It felt as though I was the first pony there in a very long time.

I quickly entered my cart and lit the lantern inside. I hadn't really explored the interior of the ancient castle since the day I had found this place, I wasn't afraid of course, but something about the place put me on edge. The only reason I had been living here was the fact that all of the creatures of the forest seemed to avoid the place for some reason.

Trixie had-I mean I had never seen anywhere like it, I even tried to go back to Ponyville to report the find only to find myself back at the entrance to this strange place. As if something was forcing me to come back each time. Something was in there, and I wasn't sure if it was destiny calling me...or something a bit less malicious. I promised myself that I'd go in there some day, that I would just swallow my fears and just charge in there to find what lied in wait.

Why not right now? I wondered to myself. My curiosity was quickly becoming too much to handle as I used my magic to grab the lantern by my side and leave the wagon to venture into the dark ruins.

What I found was as disappointing as the place was creepy. Empty throne room, empty bedrooms, empty barracks, it really seemed like the whole place was just deserted. I didn't even see any bats, or signs that bats had ever inhabited the place...the whole thing just struck me as odd.

My lantern's light slowly began to fade as the oil within began to dwindle. I quickly cast a light spell to keep the area illuminated. As soon as the azure light crackled to life, the entire throne room began to tremble. I quickly retreated to a safe distance and watched as the room shifted to reveal a strange pedestal with what looked like a massive spellbook on it. The book had strange markings all over the cover, a few that I recognized as magical seals. The majority of them seemed to be faded and useless, but some of them glowed brightly with power.

I decided that I would find some way to open it, the magics within had to be older than the princesses themselves! I mean, what was there to lose?

"Alright Trixie, you know how to do this. Just a few wards, nothing that could ever stop the Great and Powerful Trixie!" I shouted as my horn glowed brightly, I cast a simple breaker spell at the book only for it to rebound.

The spell whizzed past me and harmlessly sizzled when it hit a wall. I noticed a few of the less powerful wards disappeared completely. My confidence renewed, I put a bit more energy into the next six spells until there was only one seal left. I eyed this one suspiciously as it didn't fade when I hit it with breaker spells.

With some trepidation, I approached the book and tapped the symbol only to find that it wasn't a trap. The seal looked like a strange glowing party mask, one side of it was white while the other side seemed like an endless void of darkness. I put a little bit of magic into the symbol, this time the mask's mouth opened into a devilish grin that only seemed to grow as I put more magic into it.

Suddenly, the book snapped open and the pages were revealed to me. I must have read for hours once I saw the types of magics within. These were spells that even Twilight Sparkle would be unable to find any type of reference to in her massive library...I grinned as that thought entered my mind. I quickly flipped back to the beginning of the tome attempted one of the spells on the first page. The spell was supposed to bend the fabric of reality itself in order to make an item disappear completely. As I poured my strength into the spell I saw a strange panel envelope the throne. The panel slowly turned until the other side was revealed. The throne was completely gone, replaced with air from another dimension if the description of the spell was to be believed.

"You really shouldn't mess with other people's things you know." An obviously annoyed voice sounded from beside me causing me to leap backwards and begin galloping out of the room as quickly as I could.

"Trixie is so sorry! She didn't mean to mess with your book or your throne!" I cried as I ran. Suddenly, a golden box surrounded me and cut off my path.

"Now now, I would never harm the one that undid my banishment." The voice said as the silhouette of a short figure appeared before me, the only feature that truly stood out was the glowing yellow left eye as it stepped forward. "I believe you deserve a reward."

"A...reward?" I asked, my brow now raised. I wiped the tears from my eyes with my hoof. "What kind of reward?"

"Hmmm." The strange being said as he snapped his fingers. We found ourselves back in the throne room. "Are you perhaps interested in...magic?"

The strange thing snapped his fingers and the throne appeared where it had been before. It had taken everything I could muster to make that throne disappear, and this thing just snapped his fingers to bring it back. Wait, fingers? there weren't many creatures with fingers, let alone magical fingers. The only things that she knew of were draconequus, and the only one of those left in existence was Discord.

"Yes, very much so." I said eagerly. "Anything you can teach me must be amazing."

"I won't simply teach you, that would be too bothersome." The thing said. "I've only just returned and I fear that I may require rest."

"What?" I said flaring up slightly. "Trixie thought you said that you would reward me?"

"And I will, that book over there is now yours." He said with a yawn. "Use it well Trixie, I shall be watching."

"Really?" I asked. "Wait, how did you know Trixie's name?"

The being's glowing cheerful looking eye suddenly lowered into a look of disbelief and annoyance.

"I guessed." He said. "The many times that you proclaimed your name did not factor into it whatsoever."

"Strange, Trix-" I began only to be cut off as a glowing box ensnared my mouth.

"How do you think people would react if I went around saying; Dimentio had no idea that you were so foolish." He said condescendingly as he wagged his finger at me. "If we are to travel together, I will not have you referring to yourself every time you speak."

The box disappeared and I stared terrified at Dimentio.

"Traveling together?" I asked incredulously "Tri-" I paused as his eye glared at me menacingly. "I don't travel with anyone."

"Trixie doesn't have a choice." Dimentio said.

We sat in awkward silence for a few moments.

"So...your name is Dimentio?" I asked trying to lean against my glowing prison to get a good look at this mysterious being. What I saw, defied all of my expectations. He seemed to be wearing the mask that I had seen on the cover of the book. The yellow and purple garb he wore that matched his strange hat. Whatever this thing was, it wasn't of this world.

"However did you guess?" He responded with a sarcastic tilt of his head.

Author's Note

New Chapter, time to get this stuff really going. Much will happen soon. I would still really like to have an editor to keep this all polished, I find that it always helps to have someone look through everything a few times.

Opening Act

Dimentio's PoV

"Equestria isn't an option. Not yet anyway." I said sternly to my unhappy unicorn sidekick.

"But Tri-" I arched my brow, causing her to stop mid-sentence. "I mean, I am unsure."

"Well, the Great and Powerful Unsure doesn't have a great ring to it." I said, stifling a laugh at her expense.

"You know exactly what I meant! The Griffin Kingdoms and Minotaur territories aren't exactly the friendliest place for random ponies to show up without an escort." She replied.

"Aww, are you afraid? Tsk tsk, Unsure, what happened to that charming bravado I have grown to love?" I asked.

"My name is Trixie, and my bravado is still alive and well. Unfortunately, I cannot guarantee the same for ourselves if we cross either of those borders."

"Guarantees are nonexistent dear Unsure." I said as we strolled through the forest. "Besides, Minotaur and Griffins are unable to use magic."

"But Minotaur are incredibly resistant to it, if we manage to aggravate a group of them, it's finished!" Trixie argued.

"Perhaps, but you're a bit late to be complaining." I said as we crossed the border between the Everfree forest and the Minotaur lands.

"How? We should have been walking for days!" Unsure whined as I learned she had a tendency to do.

"I may have teleported us a few times along the way." I replied with a smirk.

"Hey!" A gruff voice yelled. Trixie turned to see a massive minotaur with tribal looking markings all over his body. The large club that he carried made it quite clear that he wasn't a pacifist. "This is Clan Grouh's territory. You had better explain to Grouh Tan what you're doing here."

"Unsure! You're not the only one here with that terrible impediment of proclaiming your name every two seconds!" I said only to get a nervous glare from the blue mare.

"Oh hello! Don't pay him any mind." Trixie said nervously. "We were just passing through, have a good day, a nice life even, bon voyage!"

"Not so fast little filly." The minotaur said menacingly as he blocked her path. "What do you mean we? You're the only one I see here."

Where was I? Just standing around and watching as Trixie desperately attempted to convince the minotaur not to harm her. It was quite entertaining.

"Err, Dimentio? Could you please help?" Trixie asked.

"With?" I replied.

"The matter at hand? The massive...nice minotaur that I really wouldn't want to crush us!" Trixie complained.

"Too late you little brat!" The big brute proclaimed as he swung the club directly at Trixie.

The club suddenly halted not even one centimeter from Trixie's crying face. I stood on the weapon and stared directly into the big cow's eyes.

"Lucky for you, I can't allow that book to be harmed." I sighed.

"What the...how did you stop that?" Tan asked incredulously. He stared directly through me as if I wasn't even there.

"Can you not see the guy on your club?" Trixie asked curiously, wiping her tears on her coat as she realized that she was saved.

"you're trying to confuse Tan!" The brutish cow yelled as he lifted the mace over his head.

"Trixie." I began with a little bit of seriousness. "Throw the book at him."

"What?" She asked looking at the book she was carrying on her back.I suppose she realized that I had used her real name and figured that I was a least a tad serious.

"Did I stutter?" I asked back. She quickly tossed my book to the minotaur's bottom hooves eliciting a small grunt of surprise from the attacker as he finally gained the ability to see me.

[This should probably be played while you read the following part]

"Why hello there." I said to the big lug that stared slack jawed up at me as I stood up on his club. "I don't appreciate your abuse of my little companion there. A magician needs his assistant after all."

"Who are you?" Grouh Tan asked. "And why are you on my hitting stick?"

"How rude." I said looking down at the minotaur. "That is a club,sir, not a 'hitting stick'."

Grouh Tan angrily swung his club all around in an attempt to force me off of it, but to no avail. In desperation, he dropped the weapon and tried to come at me with his hulking fists. I snapped my fingers and a barrier separated his arm from his body at the elbow. The minotaur yelled in pain and rage as he looked at the nub where his arm once was.

"And now, my temporary assistant. Sorry Unsure, but I don't think you would like this." I said with a grin as I snapped my fingers and many more barriers separated different portions of Tan's body.

"Unsure, would you mind saying the...magic words?"I requested

"My name isn't-whatever, what magic words?" Unsure asked.

"What words do you tend to use during your acts?"

"Let Tan go!" Tan screamed attempting to surrender his vision of masculinity for a chance at life.

"Well, I don't always use magic words."

"Too late, you'll have to figure out some more before our next act." I said as I turned back to my hapless victim and snapped my fingers.

The many parts of Grouh Tan separated and rearranged in many different ways until I found it satisfactory. The barriers faded and the screaming bull couldn't even stand.

"What did you do to Tan?" He asked as he looked up at his torso. His head was now where his right foot should have been while his right arm was in the neck hole. His various tattoos had been changed into imitations of my mask displaying many different taunting faces.

"I think I'd call it an improvement." I said to the ungrateful minotaur. "Several steps in evolution if I do say so myself."

"That was...amazing." Unsure asked. "How did you do that?"

"Just a matter of magic dear girl." I replied. "Come now, Unsure, we should continue on."

"My name is Trixie!" Trixie yelled.

"Alright Trixie, I was getting tired of that Unsure character anyway." I replied as we began to walk further into Minotaur territory.

And So I appear

Trixie's PoV

This guy is crazy. This is too dangerous for me. I thought to myself as we walked through the middle of a minotaur clan with the many burly residents glaring.

"Well Trixie, they can't see me, so you're the only one at risk here." Dimentio said nonchalantly.

"You can read my mind!?" I asked angrily.

"They can't hear me either, so you just yelled that craziness in the middle of a bunch of pony hating minotaurs...I knew it was a good idea to give you the book." He said as cheerful as ever. "It has been quite entertaining so far."

I grunted in response as I decided that speaking would put me in a worse situation. After setting up a stage and convincing the clan leader (with Dimentio telling me what to say.) to allow me to perform here without much threat of being maimed or killed, I was finally prepared for what Dimentio claimed would be 'the greatest show of all time'.

"You're so pessimistic Trixie." He said as he floated around me.

"I really hope you know what you're doing." I whispered.

"Dear Trixie, of course I know what I'm doing. The true question is, are you ready for what I'll do?" He asked cryptically.

"I wish you'd tell me what you were going to do..." I mumbled, bracing myself for the worst.

"You should learn to be more trustful." Dimentio chastised."I believe it's time."

After a deep breath I quickly opened the curtains and walked out onto the stage.

"Hello every...minotaur?" I began...not very strongly I must admit. "Welcome to the greatest show you will ever see!"

"Booo!" A large blue furred minotaur yelled. "Ponies suck!"

"Now that's just racist." Dimentio said as he pushed me towards the front of the stage. Many of the spectators looked on with confused expressions as I seemed to effortlessly scoot forward. "I believe we have our first volunteer, if you don't mind calling him up here."

"Well, how about you get up here and prove me wrong then?" I called at him, now curious as to what Dimentio was planning.

"Gladly." The minotaur said with a smirk as he stepped onto the stage. "Your pathetic magic won't have any effect on me."

"Right...Let's test that theory." Dimentio and I said in unison. I suddenly felt him heavily influencing my magic as the minotaur in front of me was surrounded by a golden box just as the one that we had met near the border.

"Hah, smoke and mirrors, you magicians are all the same."

"Now...I'm offended." Dimentio said as a hint of mock anger overtook his smile. "I think we should introduce this guy to our other friend..."

I quickly found out what he meant as the box began to spin, parts of the blue minotaur were seemingly replaced with red. When the spinning stopped, the blue minotaur began to move around a bit as if he barely had control over his body parts.

"See? All you could do was change the color of my fu-why can't I feel my legs? or my arms? They're moving on their own! What did you do to me!?"

Meanwhile Grouh Tan was flailing in the desert as the magic from the other day replaced his body parts with almost identical blue counterparts.

"Not done yet." Dimentio said as he snapped his fingers. My horn lit up as if on command. A large plume of yellow and purple smoke covered the now mutant looking minotaur.

"What did you? What's wrong with my head!?" two voices screamed in unison as the half red and half blue head emerged from the smoke.

"It's like a puzzle!" Dimentio said with glee. I quickly found myself grinning as the disoriented minotaur stumbled and fell to his knees. Two beings that had mocked me before were being made to pay...all because of Dimentio. Perhaps I was wrong in not trusting him, he was certainly good at saving my hide.

"Fix me, you little blue bit-" The mixed up minotaur began as he was cut off by a snapping sound as Dimentio took his words literally. His/their voice raised a few octaves. "Kill...me"

"Dimentio, don't!" I yelled as Dimentio began to wave his finger. With a roll of his eyes, the magic fizzled out and the two minotaurs separated still whimpering.

"I think that should be the extent of the show." Dimentio said, obviously bored now. It was probably for the best anyway as the other minotaur were staring uncomfortably at the scene that had just transpired.

We quickly left the clan, luckily without the angry mob that had attempted to form only to be reminded of what had happened on stage...

Author's Note

I probably should have sent this to my prereader but what the heck? I promised an update today and like to think that I occasionally deliver. Please don't hesitate to tell me if there are any issues. (the next chapter will be longer, I promise)

Like a Windstorm at a Kindergarten Playground

Dimentio's PoV

That could have gone worse. I thought to myself with a smirk. With a little work, perhaps Trixie could be useful in the end.

Trixie and I continued back on the path towards the Pony lands, or Equestria as it was apparently called now. The nomenclature was unimportant so long as I couldn't be seen.

"So...Dimentio." Trixie asked timidly, I simply quirked my eyebrow at her in response. She had long since given up on displaying her stage bravado towards me. "All of our shows won't go that way will they?"

"Variety is the spice of life as they say." I said with a chuckle. "That and I find it unlikely that ponies will have such an interesting reaction to your presence. So, in short, they won't all end that way."

"Right...I'd just like to keep the Ponyville show tame, the ponies there aren't violent or anything." Trixie replied.

"Well, we shouldn't have a problem then." I said with a bit of indignation at the fact that she thought I'd attack these ponies for no reason.

"I'm certain I can get a show there, even with my history." Trixie said.

"A history? My my, I'm hurt that you haven't already told me." I said with my hand on my chest.

"Well, let's just say I've been run out of the town once, and fled the town another time." Trixie said.

" 'Let's just say' ? I think not, I require the full details." I said with a wide grin, perhaps my new assistant had a wild streak

"Hmmm, perhaps a trade then." Trixie said with a sly grin.

"My my Trixie, whatever could I have to interest you?" I asked.

"A tale for a tale, how did you get trapped in that book?" She asked.

"I suppose that is fair." I said, admittedly caught off guard. Crafty too, this little pony is more than meets the eye.

After a long story involving bears made out of stars, magical amulets, and apologies, I had learned quite a bit about one called Twilight Sparkle...Trixie seemed to emphasize that she both hated and respected the element of magic. I wanted to question Trixie about these Elements of Harmony, but it seemed like she only knew that they were very powerful. I remembered the Tree of Harmony that was the source of my initial banishment, but these Elements had to be some secondary weapon that had been implemented without my knowledge. Troubling news...troubling indeed. This was going to be an interesting game of chess...

"Well?" Trixie asked.

"Huh?" I replied, assuming Trixie had been rambling on for quite a while.

"We had a deal, I told you my story of defeat, you tell me yours." She said.

"Ah yes, I will." I replied, my own grin slowly growing.

A few minutes passed and we both remained silent. I could feel Trixie's glare attempting to combat my smile in vain as we traveled.

"Celestia damnit, you promised!" Trixie whined at the top of her lungs.

"Yes, yes I did. I promised to tell you the story, and I will...I never said when." I chuckled finally.

Trixie looked at me for a long time, I felt her glares change between disbelief, anger, and finally acceptance.

"I suppose I should have phrased it better." Trixie admitted with a sigh. She then turned to me with a smile. "I suppose I have a lot to learn."

The look in her eyes caused a small lapse in my thoughts as a feeling of nostalgia gripped my mind.

"Are you sure? Can I really live in the castle!?" The grey Unicorn colt asked, pure wonder in his eyes. The young pony carried a small notebook that he called 'Starswirl's Book of Spells' on his back.

"Of course, a king would never break his promise." I said smiling down at the child.

"But this is amazing! I heard that your library is three stories tall!"

"Three stories is a bit of an exaggeration, but with a bright mind like you scurrying about, I'm sure we can rectify that." I said, patting the youngster on the head.

"There's so much for me to learn!" the colt said as we walked into the library.

"Well, admitting is the first step, Starswirl." I said, lost in memory.

Trixie and I both stopped in our tracks.

"W-what did you just say?" Trixie asked in disbelief.

"I said, admitting is the first step, my young Trixie." I said expertly covering up my mistake.

"You just called me Starswirl. You-you couldn't have known that name if you had been trapped in that book." Trixie said, her mouth suddenly reminiscent of a fish.

"Now Trixie, what did we say about keeping our mouths closed after we finish speaking?" I say, beginning to sweat slightly. I picked up my pace in order to distract the mare.

"I think I deserve an explanation, now." Trixie said moving to block my path.

"It is a story best saved for another time." I said firmly, forcing Trixie to back down.

"Hmph..."Trixie replied as I floated over her. "You do promise to tell me though, right?"

"Of course, I would never keep such a thrilling tale from my student." I replied, hoping to end this conversation.

"Alright, I'll take that answ-wait a second. Did you just say I was your student?" Trixie said, donning her fish expression once more.

"You said it yourself, you have much to learn." I replied as she gaped at me. "I promised you that book, but what kind of magician would I be if I just let you cast dangerous spells without professional supervision."

"I recall you telling me that teaching me would be too bothersome." Trixie said.

"I meant it too, but I've since realized that you are of much more use to me alive." I said with a sigh. "I suppose it's my burden to bear."

"Was that supposed to be comforting?" Trixie asked. "Because it only makes me worry about your original motives!"

"Oh, my plans to possess your body after trapping you inside that book?" I said with a yawn. "I gave up on that one when I thought about walking with hooves. That's a nightmare I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy."

"Hey!" Trixie shouted indignantly.

"Oh hey Trixie!" Came a voice that caused me to flinch at the pure energy that came with it.

"Oh...Pinkie Pie. Hey there." Trixie said as the Pink pony galloped at full speed towards us. I was just glad she couldn't see-

"Oooh, I've never seen that book before...poke." Pinkie Pie said as she tapped my book.

"No!" Trixie and I said in unison as Pinkie turned and looked me in the eyes.

Pinkie Pie's reaction was to gasp for what I assumed was a record amount of time before darting off into the town.

Author's Note

Ignore the twenty weeks I've been gone for.

The Good Count

I awaken with a start another nightmare, more memories of being separated from her...I look to my left and smile as I see Timpani sleeping blissfully even as the light floods in through the crack in the curtains. I get up and make my way to draw them the rest of the way closed.

I hear a small yawn and turn to see that my stirring disturbed her sleep. Internally cursing myself, I give her the largest smile I can muster.

"Good morning Blumiere." Timpani said, her voice making my smile a bit more genuine.

"Good morning my dear, sorry to disturb you." I said attempting to tip my hat before realizing it was hanging by the door.

"Old habits die hard." Timpani said with a smirk when she realized what I was trying to do.

The only response I gave was a sigh as I smiled back. As I make my way back to the bed, I hear a sharp knocking at the door.

"Count? The Princess is asking for an audience!" I hear a familiar voice call from outside of the room.

"Mimi, we've spoken about this. There are several princesses in this land." I said, rubbing my eyes with slight annoyance.

"Well it was the dark one!" She called back.

"You can come in, the door is unlocked." I said, tiring of Mimi's yelling.

Mimi entered the room, of course she was wearing the maid outfit she insisted upon wearing when she tracked us to this world. She bowed low, in the exaggerated fashion that I expected from her.

"Good Morning Count! Oh, and Lady Timpani too!" Mimi giggled.

"So, the princess of night requires an audience?" I said, as I grabbed my hat. I looked back to Timpani who was already up and preparing to leave. "Very well, inform her that we will be there immediately."

"Yes Count." Mimi said politely as she stepped back out of the room to let the door close.

"She's as chipper as ever." Timpani said with a huff as she shook the sleep from her small frame.

"Indeed." I said simply as I retrieved my cane. "I'm just glad we don't need to leave the castle for this meeting. I dread using that disguise spell."

"But Blumiere, you're so adorable as a pony!" Timpani teased.

"Please don't remind me..."I said, shuddering at the memory of looking at a horse-looking version of myself in the mirror.

Our room was in an apparently abandoned corridor, far from wandering eyes yet close enough to the throne room for the princesses to 'check in' on us if they felt it was necessary. I opened the door and looked back to Timpani.

"I suppose we'd best not keep her waiting. We need to finish whatever business we have in there before the nobility comes in for Day-court." I said, not wanting to relive being temporarily turned into a talking horse to prevent what Princess Celestia called a 'political nightmare.'

Author's Note

Short short short chapter, but that's because I only wanted to include this part of the scene, and everyone is apparently releasing short chapters for April Fools.

Da Dope Count (April Fools chapter)

Da Dope Count (April Fools chapter)

I awaken wit a start another nightmare, mo' memoriez of bein separated from her...I look ta mah left n' smile as I peep Timpani chillin blissfully even as tha light floodz up in all up in tha crack up in tha curtains. I git up n' make mah way ta draw dem tha rest of tha way closed.

I hear a lil' small-ass yawn n' turn ta peep dat mah stirrin disturbed her chill. Internally cursin mah dirty ass, I give her tha phattest smile I can muster.

"Dope mornin Blumiere." Timpani holla'd, her voice makin mah smile a lil' bit mo' genuine.

"Dope mornin mah dear, sorry ta disturb yo thugged-out ass." I holla'd attemptin ta tip mah basebizzle cap before realizin dat shiznit was hangin by tha door.

"Oldskool habits take a thugged-out dirtnap hard." Timpani holla'd wit a smirk when she realized what tha fuck I was tryin ta do.

Da only response I gave was a funky-ass bust a funky-ass big-ass fart as I smiled back fo' realz. As I make mah way back ta tha bed, I hear a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass sharp knockin all up in tha door.

"Count, biatch? Da Supa-Hoe be askin fo' a crew!" I hear a gangbangin' familiar voice call from outside of tha room.

"Mimi, we've spoken bout all dis bullshit. There is nuff muthafuckin bizzatches up in dis land." I holla'd, rubbin mah eyes wit slight annoyance.

"Well dat shiznit was tha dark one!" Biatch called back.

"Yo ass can come in, tha door is unlocked." I holla'd, tirin of Mimi's yelling.

Mimi entered tha room, of course dat biiiiatch was bustin tha maid tracksuit she insisted upon bustin when dat dunkadelic hoe tracked our asses ta dis ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch bowed low, up in tha exaggerated fashizzle dat I expected from her muthafuckin ass.

"Dope Mornin Count son! Oh, n' Lady Timpani too!" Mimi giggled.

"So, tha bizzatch of night requires a crew?" I holla'd, as I grabbed mah hat. I looked back ta Timpani whoz ass was already up n' preparin ta muthafuckin bounce. "Straight-up well, inform her dat we is ghon be there immediately."

"Yes yes y'all, Count." Mimi holla'd politely as her big-ass booty stepped back outta tha room ta let tha door close.

"She's as chipper as eva." Timpani holla'd wit a huff as her big-ass booty shook tha chill from her lil' small-ass frame.

"Indeed." I holla'd simply as I retrieved mah cane. "I'm just glad our phat asses don't need ta leave tha castle fo' dis meeting. I dread rockin dat disguise spell."

"But Blumiere, you're so adorable as a pony!" Timpani teased.

"Please don't remind mah dirty ass..."I holla'd, shudderin all up in tha memory of lookin at a horse-lookin version of mah dirty ass up in tha mirror. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

Our room was up in a apparently abandoned corridor, far from wanderin eyes yet close enough ta tha throne room fo' tha bizzatches ta 'check in' on our asses if they felt dat shiznit was necessary. I opened tha door n' looked back ta Timpani.

"I suppose we'd dopest not keep her waiting. We need ta finish whatever bidnizz our crazy asses have up in there before tha nobilitizzle comes up in fo' Day-court." I holla'd, not wantin ta relive bein temporarily turned tha fuck into a rappin' cow ta prevent what tha fuck Supa-Hoe Celestia called a 'political nightmare.'

Author's Note

April fools, Gizoogle.net delivers as always.