Shrek the hero

by Lighterlight1887

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Human, Alternate Universe
Length: 1603

Shrek solves the annoying as fuck tumblr feminism problem, with the help of autistic bronies.

Shrek solves the annoying as fuck tumblr feminism problem, with the help of autistic bronies.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-22 07:20:12 UTC

PRAISE SHREK

Shrek was currently residing in his swamp, like a true ogre should be doing. He was taking a hot bath in the nude, groping his wife's titties with his powerful ogre hands.

"Oooh Fiona, the only reason I like you more now than when you were a human, is because your titties are bigger."

"Me too Shrek, me too." Right before they were about to have greasy sex, however, they began to hear voices outside. In mere seconds, the door to his house was broken down, and hundreds of angry feminists came running in.

"STOP RAPING HER!!!" One hipster cunt shouted, glaring at Shrek with the immaturity of a thousand suns.

"MEN LIKE YOU ARE WHY WE NEED FEMINISM!! HOW DARE YOU TREAT A WOMAN LIKE THAT!"

As the hundreds of feminazis shouted monstrosities, the most hipster, obese feminazi of them all walked out through the group, looking directly at Shrek, before speaking up in the most stuck-up, bitchy way possible. "How, dare YOU!!!!!"

Shrek couldn't take it. Fiona could see the rage in his eyes, and backed off, knowing what was about to happen.

"WHAT, ARE YOU DUING, IN MY SWAMP!!?!?!?!?" Shrek roared, causing the entire building to shake. In an instant all the feminists stopped talking, only staring at Shrek in horror, before the obese feminist spoke up.

"Don't back away!! He's just trying to vocally rape us! Stick together-- the patriarchy will--" Before she could finish, Shrek grabbed her violently, pulling the fat abomination over to him. "DON'T BE INTIMIDATED! Together we can take--" Shrek interrupted her by smashing his tough ogre fist through her face, before throwing her into the mass of feminists. Nearly all of them died by the weight and mass of the object thrown, the remaining all screaming and running away.

"Shrek.." Fiona said quietly.

"I'll get all of you little bastards!!" Shrek shouted, jumping through his roof, flying off to America. Upon arriving, he unpleasantly became face to face with Barrack Obama.

"Welcome to America, Shrek." He said, before Shrek pounded his fist through Obama's face.

"Bafoon didn't even have any layers." Shrek looked around, eventually spotting a gay pride parade. He proceeded to walk over to it. "What's all of this?" Shrek asked.

"Oooooooooooh my~ this is a gay pride parade. Dressing half-naked and dancing out in public is how we show the world not to make fun of us!"

"Where can I find the little bastards who invaded my swamp?" Shrek asked, getting straight to the point.

"Oh they're right over there." The gay man replied, pointing at the Tumblr headquarters. Saying nothing in response, Shrek made his way over to the Tumblr headquarters, overhearing a conversation between two women standing outside.

"Duuuuh, twenty questions is fucking stupid it's not even a game! It's just a cheap excuse for guys to learn how to rape girls, that's why I'm lesbian. Fuck men!" Shrek walked right up to the two females, grabbing both of their heads with his big hands, and smashing them against each other, breaking their skulls. No brain matter spewed out from the impact, and he proceeded to walk straight into the Tumblr headquarters. All the feminazis gasped as they saw a male walk inside.

"Hey who let him in?? He's going to try and rape all of us! Quick, somebody get video games! Before he--" The female was interrupted as Shrek let out a loud, ogre roar. All the layers within his body became filled with energy, and he began to charge through the horde of obese feminist bitches, tearing them apart. The nearby autistic brony pride parade took notice of this, looking in the direction of the headquarters.

"It appears to finally be happening." One massively autistic male teenager stated, who was wearing an 'I'm a brony, deal with it' shirt and had long hair.

"Shall we join them?" Another brony asked, saying shall instead of should because that would sound more classy.

"Of course. You all better run away when I get mad.." The autistic brony pride parade began to charge into the headquarters, all making deep-voiced and aspergers-filled shouts. Grown men, dressed up as ponies and covered in greasy hair, began to fight the feminazi disgraces, who were helpless to fight back. It became a slaughter-house.

Shrek burst through wall after wall as he charged, nothing stopping his impervious force. The number count of murdered feminazis began to escalate into the thousands as the slaughter continued.

"Quick! With our combined power, we shall stop the annoyance, once and for all!" One autistic brony teenager shouted. He then began to float in mid-air, all the other teenagers following suit. They formed a circle in the air, and slowly started to spin, going faster and faster. Their serious level was off the scale now-- never had they felt so badass. Their long hair flung around crazily as they spun, their minds being filled with very high level vocabulary words. Shrek noticed, and ran to the center of the circle, holding his fist high in the air.

"Give me your strength everybody!" Shrek shouted, the circle of brony teenagers starting to glow a bright light. They began to spin so fast that they became a blur, brony music starting to become apparent. Then suddenly, in an instant, Shrek roared, the entire planet of earth shaking as he struck his fist into the ground. The impact caused a portal to appear, and the headquarters began to collapse, a 69.7 earthquake having been created from the impact. "Quick! Everybody inside now!" All the bronies rushed into the portal, Shrek tossing the remainders in, before he too went inside, leaving all the Tumblr feminists to rot in the now inhabitable earth.

The exit of the portal opened up in Equestria, and everyone began falling from the sky, landing on the soft Equestrian grass. The bronies blinked and rubbed their eyes, not believing what they were seeing. They had finally gotten to Equestria! They all began to cheer, running to their pony waifus and creeping them all out to death as they acted like their long lost love. Shrek smiled warmly, the sight filled his heart with joy.

"Rainbow Dash!! I've come for you!" One autistic as fuck brony shouted, running over to the cyan pegasus. "I love you so much Rainbow! You're the only pony I ever clop to!" Ponies began to scream and run away from the smelly and disgusting humans. Soon however, Celestia appeared, looking around, before looking at Shrek.

"What is the meaning of this?" Celestia asked. Before Shrek could respond though, a fat neckbeard ran up to Celestia.

"I wanna ride on your gigantic futa cock Celestia! God it's so hot! I dream about it nearly every night!" The fedora exclaimed, grabbing the royal princess cock. In response however, Celestia flexed her cock muscles so hard it flung the fat fuck to the moon.

"I'm sorry my princess, I had no idea bronies were this autistic!" Shrek stated. "Meh you can do whatever ya want with them, almost all of them are suicidal anyways."

"I suppose I should thank you for giving me something fun to do then." Celestia replied, starting to smile widely. She proceeded to begin beating all the autistic bronies to death with her gigantic and erect cock, cumming everywhere from how horny it was making her. Shrek smiled as he watched-- the sight of blood and guts being torn from brony's bodies by the mighty cock was such an amazing sight to see.

"Sorry everybody, but I must go. The swamp is where I belong, like a true ogre." Shrek waved to everyone, before flying up into the sky, all the way back to his swamp, to be warmly greeted by his ogre wife.

"You look like you've been through a number!" Fiona exclaimed.

"They all should've checked themselves before they shreked themselves." Shrek winked, before fucking his wife hard in bed for the remainder of the day.

Lyra Heartstrings watched in amazement as all the humans flooded the streets of Ponyville. She had waited so long for this day to come.

"OH MY GOSH FINALLY I GET TO FUCK HUMANS!!! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH" The shouting brought Bonbon out from her room, and her eyes widened as she saw the humans. She never would've expected this to happen, ever.

"Oh shit." She stated, watching Lyra as she burst through her window, running towards the humans.

"FUCK ME HUMANS!!! FUCK ME!! AHHHHHHH FUCK ME SO HARD MY PUSSY IS SO TIGHT JUST FOR YOU ALL!!!" The horny neckbeards all began to run to Lyra, the only mare they could ever have a chance with. Closer and closer they got, their greasy penises getting more and more erect, until suddenly they were all crushed and murdered by a gigantic phallus. Lyra stopped running, staring at the dead bodies in shock, before looking to the source of the massive cock-- Princess Celestia. "C..Celestia? Wh...why?" Lyra meekly asked.

"Oh c'mon you know better then that citizen. These things are way too autistic to live anymore."

"B-but... autism is my fetish.."

"Lol you're weird." Celestia proceeded to fly off at high speed, swinging her cock around like a giant club as she sent autistic brony fedoras flying everywhere. Lyra only stared in horror as her humans were brutally murdered. From that day forward, Lyra hated Celestia more than anything in the universe. She became so angry and enraged that her hymen burst from her cunt, doing a tap dance on the ground before she spasmed and passed out from over-exertion.