Road Trip

by The Guardian and Friends

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Adventure, Random, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 971

Two stallions travel around Equestria to have the most criminally insane time of their lives in Las Pegasus

Line Backer and Hard Liquor were the best of friends in high school. They did everything together, from having the same classes, to robbing a lot of banks.

They were, what you called, sexual deviant criminals who liked to fuck shit up and bang every mare, (Or stallion) they saw.

This is the road trip after their senior year of high school. They rent an RV and travel the entire nation.

Their destination: Las Pegasus.

Their Purpose: To have the best criminally insane-filled time of their lives.

(Will) Contain rape, use of drugs, murder, gay and straight sex, foalcon, and use of alcohol.
Main character spots will be changed if needed.
Support/Edited by General Skullcoat

Readers Discretion is Advised.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-23 00:09:57 UTC

Drunk Driving and a Gas Station Robbery

"Yo, man, you shouldn't start drinking when you're driving!" Line Backer criticized at the drunk Hard Liquor.

"Man, shut the fuck up." Hard hiccuped. The car was swerving a bit. "I won't crash this car!

"We're going to get arrested for DUI before we fuck anypony, man! Don't ruin our senior trip." Line complained.

"C'mooooon man. Just shut up and let me drive, Celestiafuckit." Hard said.

The time was 10:57 AM. The day after the senior graduation.

The day after the release of their mental prison. Oh, how they hated high school.

The day that begins the rest of their lives. Well, for the most part.

Line Backer was a hoofball player. The least best one on their team. He was, like his names suggests, a Line Backer. He was decent, but he always wanted to be on the offensive, scoring the touchdown and being a real player.

His parents wanted nothing to do with him after he met Hard Liquor in the Freshman year of Vanhoover High School. Since then, they've been committing crimes all the time. He wanted to just do whatever he wanted.

Hard Liquor was a alcoholic. That's pretty much all there needs to be. He wasn't actually called that name, but he never revealed his original birth name, not even to his best friend.

Just because they were criminals, doesn't mean they were stupid, like usual stereotypes. Hard was a master at science, always making new gadgets for their illegal schemes.

But Line was stupid sometimes. He does the most insane things to solve insignificant problems.

They've only been arrested twice, one for DUI, and one for raping an underaged filly. Their sentences were only about a month. Weird for a rape crime, especially for an underaged mare.

But there was one thing that was known about these two stallions: they were tough criminals.

"Yo, man, where the fuck are we?" Hard Liquor.

"I thought you were driving, you fag!" Line insulted.

"HEY! I'm bi, so that's offensive. I think." Hard thought about it for a minutes.

"Dude, we all know you're bisexual." Line replied. "You're probably going to fuck the first stallion you see, probably!"

"Nu-uh! Mares first, then Stallions." Hard replied, blushing a little.

"Just shut up and drive, you fuck."

"Dude, 'fuck' isn't a real insult. That's like if I called you a cock." Hard Liquor explained.

"Oh, yeah, because penis jokes are soooo funny." Line sarcastically replied.

"Just go check the back of this fucking RV. I need some cocaine." Hard demanded.

Line got up slowly and fell down. He couldn't walk properly while the RV was moving. He got up and tried to regain his balance. Line walked to the bathroom to check himself.

There he was, the horny, green coated freak. His purple hair was messy, so he quickly brushed it. Line Backer looked at the extra growing hair that goes behind his neck. He really needed to cut his hair sometime this week.

He checked his wings to see if they were still in one piece. One of them was covered with bandages. He broke it during a hoofball game.

He stumbled out of the bathroom. Line checked all the drawers, but didn't find any white dust or any type of drugs. He crawled to his seat.

"No cocaine, man." Line said.

"Fuck. I hope Las Pegasus has some weed or some shit like that." Hard thought aloud.

"Can you park the car to a gas station? I'm fucking hungry!" Line asked.

"We already have some microwaveable rice, Line." Hard hiccuped again.

"But I want Dorritos, and I want them NOW!" Line Backer whined.

"Fine." Hard gave in. "There's an exit in a few miles."

"Alright!" Line buckled his seatbelt. He anxiously waited to taste some nacho goodness at the gas station.

"Dude, you should really change your manestyle. Mohawks are old." Line suggested.

"It matches my red mane and pink skin, man." Hard replied.

"Bullshit."

Line quietly entered the convenience store behind the refueling station. He searched everywhere for some good old fashioned Nacho Cheese Dorritos.

He finally found an isle full of Dorritos and other junk food items. He checked to see how much bits a bag costed.

Hold up, Line Backer thought, FIVE bits for a bag? Fuck it, I'll just rob the gas station for some free bags.

He quickly pulled his pistol out of his brown leather satchel. The clip was full and loaded in the gun.

"THIS IS A STICK UP! EVERYPONY GET ON THE GROUND NOW!" Line loudly demanded and shot his gun a couple times to the ceiling to get everypony's attention.

The ponies in the store ducked down out of fear.

"HEY, FUCKING CASHIER!" He trotted over to the frightened old mare. "EITHER YOU GIVE ME FREE BAGS OF DORRITOS AND NOT CALL THE MOTHERFUCKING POLICE OR I WILL BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!"

"O-ok, take as many as you want! J-just don't kill me." The brown cashier said, scared shitless probably.

Hard rushed inside. "LINE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO ROB STORES ANYMORE! WE DON'T NEED TO GET ARRESTED YET!"

"Fuck off, Hard. I want food, and I'm getting it." Line grabbed several hooffuls of bag and held them on his stomach. He had to stand on his hindlegs to keep the bags.

"Fuck it, at least let me join the fun." Hard used his horn to levitate all of the Dorritos in the store, except for the ones Line was carrying. and walked out. He also stole some soda.

"Wait for me, Hard!" Line rushed to the door with the gun still in his hoof and his dorritos intact.

The brown mare reached for the phone to call the police. Line had no choice but to blow her brains out.

BANG!