Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes slowly. They burned as the sunlight seeped into the bedroom of her tree house. She raised her body and cracked a couple bones in the process. She scratched her back and got off her bed, accepting the fact that she had to wake up. She didn't feel like sleeping in today, and she had important work to do.
She trotted down the steps to her kitchen. Spike was still sleeping, so Twilight decided to make him some breakfast. He has been working a lot recently and she felt this was a good way to reward him for it. She broke out some tofu bacon and grabbed a pan and started to cook breakfast.
She hummed quietly to herself as she cooked, flipping the strips of bacon. Suddenly, she remembered about the eggs. She looked through her fridge and found them. She grabbed a bowl and cracked the eggs open. She then continued to put them on another pan and cook the yolks.
After about fifteen minutes, Twilight was done with her bacon strips and eggs. She sniffed at the crispy smell of the bacon and sighed. It smelled delicious and she couldn't wait another minute to eat! She sat herself and decided to eat a couple strips. She was sure the aroma of the bacon would awaken the sleeping dragon, anyways.
She crunched on the delicious bacon strips and groaned with a satisfied grin. She picked up another strip, hoping to sneak in a couple strips for herself.
"Hello, there!"
Twilight snapped and darted her eyes. She couldn't see anypony that could have talked to her, and it definitely did not sound like Spike. She perked her ears, and sure enough she could hear the snores of the baby dragon. Twilight looked around and still found nothing.
"Hey, down here!"
Twilight looked down at her plate, and screamed at the top of her lungs. She could have never seen a more horrifying sight. A huge white looking worm sat on her plate. It was about twenty metres in length and it was pretty fat looking. It spread itself across her plate. On one end of the worm was two small beady eyes and a tiny smile.
"How're you doing?"
Twilight shook her head, trying to snap from her senses. It proved to be to no avail as the worm was still sitting on her plate.
"Are you okay?"
Twilight gulped, and found the motivation to speak. "Who-well, what are you?"
The worm chuckled. "Well, I guess I should introduce myself! My name's Willy! Willy the Tapeworm!"
"...What?"
Willy frowned. "Maybe you didn't hear me! I am pretty small, anyways. My names-"
"No, I heard you," Twilight cut in. "Just...what?"
"Don't worry. A lot of people don't understand the first time! It's okay!"
Twilight could feel her brain turning to mush. She couldn't comprehend what was happening to her right at that moment. She was talking to...a tapeworm. A talking, smiling, tapeworm. She thought she was hallucinating. Yet there was the reality, sitting on her plate and speaking friendly to her.
"Um, okay," Twilight uttered, not sure what to say. "Well, um, why are you here?"
Willy looked down and started to frown. "Well, the truth is, I don't have many friends, you see. When I heard that you specialized in friendship, I came here running!"
Twilight stared. Willy chuckled again.
"Well, going through pounds of uncooked meat and cow anuses is a better word for it."
Twilight, slightly disturbed, tried to talk again. "Well, I guess you came to the right place!"
Willy looked up, smiling with a beam. "Really? That's azzmazzing!"
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Um, 'azzmazzing'?"
"Yeah!" Willy replied. "My great great beefdaddy used to say that all the time! Until he was extracted from a buffalo leg. It was a real sad day..."
The very fact that Twilight was actually having a conversation with an infectious worm was unsettling. Twilight realized that her day has been somehow ruined by this tapeworm. She would never get the image out of her head, and even if she could, it would be Tartarus trying to get it out.
"Oh, well that's sad," Twilight said, looking away nervously.
"Yeah. But we all have to move on, right?"
"Sure, I guess," Twilight replied. "So, uh, should I show you how to make friends?"
"Well, actually, I figured you could be my friend!"
Twilight darted her eyes. Not wanting to be rude, she nodded her head.
"Sure, I guess you could call me a friend," she said, putting on her fake smile.
"Terrific! Now, as friends, I want to ask you a favour."
Twilight raised her brow again. "Um, what kind of favour?"
"Well, see, to stay alive, I have to go through your rectum and erupt out of your anus and lay some eggs in the process, so we can keep playing forever and ever!"
Twilight twitched. Everything that he just said was completely insane and mortifying. She couldn't possibly be friends with a tapeworm, and she sure as Tartarus wouldn't want him crawling through her insides and laying larva. She took a few hoovesteps back and grinned nervously.
"Well, see, Willy," Twilight stuttered. "I think that's kind of a rash decision, isn't it? Couldn't we just hang out with each other for a little while and get to know each other?"
Willy chuckled. "Why would we do that, when I could know everything about you?"
"Oh, sweet Celestia..."
She couldn't take it anymore. She should have got rid of him the first time he appeared. It was time to go for him.
"Spike! Could you come down-"
"DON'T YOU DARE!"
Suddenly, Willy leaped from the plate and landed on Twilight. She shrieked and toppled to the floor, trying hard to get the menace off of her. His cold slimy tendrils slithered all over her, giving her chills behind her spine. Twilight fussed and kicked, but it was no use.
Then, something happened. Willy got up to Twilight's eye level and glared at her.
"You denied my friendship, now you will pay!"
Twilight felt a slimy ooze on her lips, realizing that Willy was trying to get in. Twilight closed her mouth as tight as she could, but Willy slipped in. Suddenly, all twenty feet of Willy was sliding down her throat to her stomach as she screamed at the top of her lungs.
"Twilight," Spike groggily said while coming down the stairs. "What's the probl-"
"AHHHHH!!!"
Author's Note
Willy the Tapeworm. YOUR BEST BUDDY FOREVER.
