Wings

When I wake up the next morning, she’s already gone. When Jonathan comes to help me dress myself, I tell him I don’t want any visitors. I’m not ready to face Wings again. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be. Jonathan is silent when I tell him this, but the scratching of his pen on his clipboard tell me I won’t be seeing anyone who doesn’t work for the hospital for a while.

I spend the next fifty-four hours and thirty-eight minutes in silence. I eat only one meal a day, despite the stern looks from Jonathan, who at least has the decency not to talk to me.

The silence is broken Thursday afternoon by Nurse Dean. “Liz? A girl named Kate is trying to see you. I told her you weren’t accepting visitors at this time, but she refuses to leave.” Honestly, I’m surprised Wings hasn’t tried to see me before. Or maybe she has, but this time she’s being more aggressive about it.

“Tell her I’m asleep, or better yet, tell her the last time someone tried to visit me I clawed their eyes out.” Nurse Dean frowns, but nods.

“I’ll tell her you’re sleeping then.” She turned and walked out the door, but stopped. “That’s odd, she’s gone. Maybe she went to the restroom?” I listen as the overweight nurse walks away, her shoes clacking on the tile. After a moment I hear her footsteps return to my room.

“Lea, I know you’re awake.” That wasn’t Nurse Dean’s voice.

“Wings? How did you-”

“I hid behind the door, but that’s not important. I’m here to apologize. Please, hear me out.” I don’t want to hear her voice, but I knew Wings isn’t going to leave until I do, so I nod my head. Wings sighs, “I’m really, really, really sorry. Honestly, I thought- I thought you liked girls. I thought-”

“I don’t.” I interrupt, “I don’t like girls. But I do like you, and it’s not your fault; it’s mine.”

“What are you talking about? Of course it’s my fault. I’m the one who kissed you, I’m the-”

“I wanted you to kiss me. I just- I wish you hadn’t. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s all me.” I’m not even sure what I’m talking about, but I know it’s true.

“What? What’s you?” Wings looks at me questioningly, and I ask myself the same question. What’s wrong with me?

“You’re just so… perfect!” I choke out, “and I- I’m just…”

“What?” Wings looks worried.

“And I’m just a cripple!” I shout. I’m sure I attract the attention of a nurse, but surprisingly, none appear. “I don’t even have legs past my knees! I can’t stand, let alone run! I can never keep up with you! You’re a track star who looks like a supermodel, and I’d just hold you back! I-”

“What the fuck is your problem?” I flinch, and stop talking. In all the time we talked, Wings had never used any curse words. She even refused to say things like ‘stupid,’ or ‘crap.’ “Are you for real right now? This is all about your fucking legs? This whole time, I’ve thought, ‘dang, this girl’s got some serious guts, going on without legs, because god knows I would’ve offed myself by now,’ and I thought that no matter how fast I run, I’ll never be as strong as you, but obviously I’m wrong, because I would never ever let something as petty as my legs get between me and- between me and the girl of my dreams.” Her confession was quiet, lacking the anger of her previous statements.

I swallow. She called me the girl of her dreams, but could I live up to that? Maybe I was being selfish.

“Wings… I really like you, probably more than a friend should, but I couldn’t force you to put up with me. I mean, I can’t do anything. Wheelchairs are always in the way, and my parents can’t afford prosthetics, I have no-”

“Shut up. Didn’t I just say you’re the girl of my dreams? That includes your legs, or lack thereof. I wouldn’t care if you had no arms either; I just want to be with you. Besides,” she adds, a lopsided grin threatening to spew forth a terrible pun, “who needs legs when you’ve got Wings?”

The cheesiness of the line broke through the tension, and the two of us break into a fit of giggles.

“Fine… You’re right.” I admit, “I never used my legs much anyways.”

Wings blushes. “I’m sorry for yelling at you, I just didn’t-”

“Shut up,” I interrupt. Wings looks at me shocked. “You’re supposed to be kissing me right now”

Next thing I knew, she was.