Don't read this story

by Millcore

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 2053

After addressing the reader that they weren’t suppose to read this, Pinkie Pie enlists the help of her friends to replace a rug at Sugarcube Corner.

After addressing the reader that they weren’t suppose to read this, Pinkie Pie enlists the help of her friends to replace a rug at Sugarcube Corner.

Image source
http://jackos92.deviantart.com/art/Moustache-Pinkie-Pie-345478568

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-23 18:50:05 UTC

Don't read this story

“WHAT?!” Pinkie Pie yelled in an outrage. “Didn’t you read the title? It clearly says to not read this, right Twilight?”

Twilight looked around in confusion. “How did I get here?” She asked. “Also, who are you talking to?

“That isn’t important.” Pinkie Pie said. “Right now we just need to get the plot going.”

Twilight scratched her head. “But I was just with Rarity talking about how the customer isn’t always right, and now I’m...” Twilight paused and looked around. “Uh... Pinkie Pie... Where are we? All I see is white with scribbles of black.”

“I haven’t thought that far yet.” Pinkie said, sitting down. “Hmm... OH! We’re in Fluttershy’s cottage.” Pinkie said, turning Twilights face. “See?”

“Here you go little friends.” Fluttershy said, pouring food out of a bag into a bowl. She turned to go fill another and jumped back a little. “Oh, Twilight, Pinkie, when did you get here?”

“To be completely honest, I have NO idea.” Twilight said.

“Well, you're just in time to help me feed my friends lunch.” Fluttershy said.

“There's no time!” Pinkie yelled, waving her hooves in the air. “Rainbow Dash is about to fall into the tree!”

Fluttershy and Twilight exchanged confused looks. “What tree?” Fluttershy asked.

“That one!” Pinkie said, pointing out the window. Surely enough, just as Twilight and Fluttershy looked out the window, Rainbow Dash fell straight out of the sky into the tree branches.

“Oh my!” Fluttershy said, flying out the door. “Are you alright Rainbow Dash?” She asked from the bottom of the tree.

“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash replied from an upper branch. “I think I was sleeping on cloud and I rolled off.”

“Hi Rainbow Dash.” Pinkie said, joining Fluttershy at the base of the tree.

“Hey Pinkie, what are you and Fluttershy doing?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Just getting the group together.” Pinkie said. “Twilight is here too.” She said, pointing at Twilight in the doorway, whose wide-eyed expression was focused on Rainbow Dash.

“Did you and Pinkie plan this?” Twilight asked.

“Plan what?” Rainbow Dash asked, flying from the tree branch to the ground.

Twilight looked at Pinkie Pie. “Pinkie how did you know Rainbow Dash would fall into that tree?”

“Uhg.” Pinkie Pie grunted. “I already told you!”

“No...” Twilight said. “You didn’t...”

“Oh, silly me.” Pinkie said with a giggle. She started jumping down the path to Ponyville. Everypony just watched her silently as she hopped away.

“What was that all about?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight rubbed her head with her hoof. “I don’t know, but I have a headache.”

“She knew that you were going to fall into that tree.” Fluttershy said.

“She also got me here without me knowing.” Twilight added, still rubbing her head.

“Her Pinkie Sense.” Rainbow Dash said. “Twitchy tail, something will fall.”

“I didn't see it twitch.” Fluttershy said, turning to Twilight. “Did you?”

“No.” Twilight said, looking down the path. “She just... knew...”

“HEY!” Pinkie yelled from down the path. “YOU GUYS COMING?!”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Not like I have anything better to do.” She said, jumping into the air and flying towards Pinkie.

“I need to get back to Rarity.” Twilight said.

“Oh, well, I guess if you're both going to go with Pinkie then I’ll come too.” Fluttershy said. She turned around to her home. “Angel can you finish passing out lunch?”

The bunny on the porch looked up from its carrot and nodded its head.

“Thanks Angel.” Fluttershy said smiling. “I knew I could count on you.” She started running to catch up to her friends.

“So, Pinkie... what are ya up to?” Rainbow Dash curiously asked while flying closely behind her..

“It’s a surprise!” Pinkie Pie said enthusiastically.

“Oh, ok. I like surprises.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I’ve had enough surprises for today.” Twilight said.

“No need to be so grouchy.” Rainbow Dash said to Twilight.

“Who’s being grouchy?” Fluttershy asked, just now catching up to them.

“Twilight.” Rainbow Dash said.

“You sure?” Pinkie Pie asked. “She seems tired to me.”

“I think it’s normal to get grouchy when you’re tired.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I am NOT grouchy!” Twilight proclaimed.

“You seem pretty grouchy to me.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I think she’s just tired.” Fluttershy said.

“Hey Twilight, if you’re tired you can just go home.” Pinkie said.

Twilight stopped trotting. “You know what?” She said. “I don’t need to be taking this. Good luck with whatever” Her horn glowed and she disappeared.

“What I say?” Rainbow Dash said with a smile. “Grouch - e”

They kept trotting and flying respectively until they got to Rarity’s boutique, where inside Rarity was putting the final touches on a dress for her summer line.

“Finally!” She said. “After two weeks of hard work, it’s done! My Petite Brise Line is sure to be a hit in the midsummer season!” She put the needle back into the pincushion, an stared for a moment at her hard work - which she has misfortunately finished right in front of the inward swinging door.

“HEY RARITY!” Pinkie Pie yelled as she quickly swung the door open.

“MY DRESS!” Rarity yelled as she jumped to catch the pony manikin her dress was on, falling short.

“Oops...” Pinkie said, taking a step back. “This a bad time?”

Tears welled in Rarities eyes as she ran her hoof over the large rip. “Why did I have to put it in front of the door?” She asked herself. “Why why WHY!”

“I’ll get back to you.” Pinkie said quietly as she closed the door.

“What happened?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Uhh... I think I knocked over a dress.” Pinkie said.

“Really?” Rainbow Dash asked, opening the door a little and peeking in to see Rarity on the floor comforting a manikin.

“My crème de la crème of my midsummer line is ruined!” Rarity wailed.

“I hope she can fix it.” Fluttershy said sympathetically.

“I think she’ll be okay.” Rainbow Dash said closing the door. “Why did you even come here Pinkie? She asked.

“I needed her fashion conscious eye to help me pick out a rug.” Pinkie said.

“I can help pick out a rug.” Fluttershy said.

“Wait a sec.” Rainbow Dash said, waving down with her hoof. “Why do you need a rug Pinkie?”

“Well...” Pinkie started. “I was trying new cake recipes and you just can't have cake without frosting so I had a bunch of frosting and it got just everywhere including the rug that was on the ground and it really tied the room together so its just not the same without it so i needed rarities help to find a new one that would tie the room together even better than the other one did! Oh and I need to do it before mr and ms cake get home tonight!”

“Where are they at now?” Rainbow Dash asked curiously.

“THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT!” Pinkie yelled. “What is important is that I get a new rug before they get home!”

“You can have one of my rugs.” Fluttershy said.

“No offense Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash started. “But all your rugs smell like animals.”

“I know...” Fluttershy said lowering her head.

Pinkie started walking away.

“Where are you goin’?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Can’t you see!” Pinkie said, turning around. “Rarity can’t help me pick out the perfect rug so I’m going to the next best pony for the job.”

“Really? Who’s that?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well duh, Applejack of course!” Pinkie said, beaming a smile.

“I have a good artistic eye.” Fluttershy said inaudibly.

“Applejack?” Rainbow Dash said surprised. “Really? She has a terrible artistic eye!”

“Exactly!” Pinkie Pie said as excitedly as ever. “Whatever she looks at, I’ll know to get the opposite!”

“That works.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Of course it will work!” Pinkie said excitedly. “It’s a pinkie plan, and a pinkie plan never fails! Oh, except that time I tried to make a pinkie plan fail to see if a pinkie plan could fail and it didn’t! Anyways, let’s go.” She started towards the farm.

On the way to the farm they encountered a small stone on the road. It was ignored.

“Howdy there guys.” Applejack said when she saw Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash.

“Hey Applejack!” Pinkie Pie said. “Wanna help me pick out a rug?”

“What're you talkin’ ‘bout Pinkie?” Applejack asked.

Rainbow Dash landed next to Pinkie. “She needs a new rug so we went to Rarity’s but she was busy. So we came here to get your help instead.” She explained.

Applejack gave them a confused look. “Case y’all haven’t noticed from past ‘experience. I ain't exactly the type you’d want help from with pickin’ out room decor.” She said.

“We will need some help getting the rug back to Sugarcube Corner.” Fluttershy said.

“Now that I can do!” Applejack said. “Let’s go getter done.”

“Alright!” Rainbow Dash said.

“Whoopie!” Pinkie added, jumping up and down.

On the way to the rug store in Ponyville they passed by the small stone on the road again. Once again it was ignored.

“This one looked good.” Applejack said, looking at a rug.

“Too red.” Pinkie said.

“But it’s blue...” Applejack replied.

“Exactly!” Pinkie shouted. “Blue just won’t do.”

Applejack pointed to another. “How ‘bout that one?” She asked.

“Hmmm... no, the design might scare a customer.” Pinkie replied.

Applejack looked at the design on the rug. It was a smiley face pattern. She looked over the rest of the store. “Well Pinkie, if you ask me these all look good.”

Pinkie’s eyes widened. “A-... All of them?” She said.

“Yep.” Applejack said. “Just pick any and That’ll do it.”

“Oh my...” Fluttershy said. “What will she do now?” She asked Rainbow Dash, whom was right next to her.

“I don’t know.” Rainbow Dash replied.

“It’s perfect!” Pinkie shouted, running to the corner of the room and picking up a lamp.

“That’s not a rug.” Applejack said.

“Of course it’s not a rug.” Pinkie Pie said. “Clearly it’s not a rug we need.”

Applejack shrugged. “If you say so.” She said. “I’m going home.”

“Excuse me sir.” Pinkie Pie said to a nicely dressed stallion nearby.

“What is it?” He asked.

“How much is this lamp?” Pinkie asked, holding it up.

“That lamp isn't for sale.” He said.

“Well that’s silly.” Pinkie said. “Why would you give away a perfectly good lamp?” She asked.

“I’m not giving it away.” He said, maintaining his collected calmness.

“So it is for sale?” Pinkie asked.

“Uh...yes.” He replied. “I guess it is.”

“Great!” Pinkie said. “How much is it?”

“How much do you have?”

“I have two bits and a sugar cookie.” Pinkie said, holding everything on her hoof.

“Deal.” He said, taking the bits and eating the cookie.

Pinkie Pie took the lamp and went to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. “Thanks for coming with me guys.” She said.

“Anytime Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash said.

“It was fun.” Fluttershy said, giving a faint smile.

“Thanks.” Pinkie Pie said. “Now all I gotta do is get this to Sugarcube Corner before they remember there’s a rug.”

With the lamp on her back Pinkie ran out the door towards Sugarcube Corner. Once there and inside she rolled up the old rug and dragged it out the back door, then put the lamp on the ground where the rug had been.

“Perfect.” She said, taking a seat on the floor next to it. “Now I just have to wait until they get back.”

“Pinkie Pie?” A voice said. “What are you doing?”

Pinkie Pie turned around and saw Mrs. Cake behind the counter.

“Oh, uh, nothing.” Pinkie replied, getting up and going to the kitchen.

“Okay.” Mrs. Cake said, following her. “I noticed you took the old rug out.”

Pinkie stopped cold.

“I’d like to thank you for doing that.” Mrs. Cake continued. “We we’re getting tired of it being there, always getting spilled on.”

“Oh.” Pinkie said with relief. “It was no problem at all.”

“If you say so.” Mrs. Cake said, walking out of the kitchen.

Pinkie Pie sighed and got out a mixing bowl and some ingredients and proceeded to start making cookies.

“I guess it doesn’t matter what a story is about.” She said. “Just like a cookie on the counter, someone’s bound to enjoy it.”

The End.