Hell-Hogs Khorne Flakes!

by Spencer Lightning Write

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Other, Crossover
Length: 1176

Celestia and Luna are in a cereal advertisement.

A Warhammer 40,000/My Little Pony crossover

Celestia and Luna where shooting a cereal commercial when hell breakes loose, and drags them into a world of demons, skull mountains, and the all new Hell-Hogs: Khorne Flakes! Hell-Hogs: Khrone Flakes, a healthier beginning to an eternal service to Khorne! What dangers will Lord Khorne unleash? Will their skulls be added to the skull mountain? Will Khârn ever catch the spilt milk? All (All=none of these, them, etc.) will be revealed shortly!

This is a cure for my writers block, so I don't give a soggy crumpet about what you say!

-Lightning \[T]/

Published 2014-08-24 23:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-24 23:00:05 UTC

Chapter 1, I'm not sorry

Celestia and Luna sat at a wooden table in a commercial set. In front of them was a camera, camera pony… but what if there wasn't? Have we just whiteness the similarity? When will we be enslaved? When will IPods rule the world? Is the deep web real? When will the sequel to Demon Sou-
"Action!" Yelled the director who sat smugly in his chair, his green coat matching his personality. But what if he wasn't there? What if it was the machi-
"Hello Celestia," Luna said blankly like Christian Stewart, looking down and squinting at the poorly hidden script stuck to the table. "Have you ever tried 'Quelaag Chaos Flakes'?" She finished, finally looking at her sister after butchering her lines. But Celestia was too bored of the advertisement and was staring dully at the wet paint of the newly constructed set. Celestia quickly shook her head and turned towards her sister,
"No, dear sister, I have not…" she paused, looking back at her script, "but can you tell me about its high nutritional value and-" the monotone speaking princess was thankfully interrupted as the painted door was punctured by a blazing, jagged blade.The sword, acting like a chainsaw, cut a perfect circle into the door and then the sword wielder kicked the rest of the plywood door down, rendering its previous action utterly pointless, like that scene in that one film where-

A-anyway, four large, spiked, red, bipedal creatures charged into the studio. Each one carrying a flaming sword with an extremely oversized handle. The four demons then formed a square around Celestia and Luna and dug their swords into the ground. A rune was then summoned whilst the studio imploded into the centre of the room, revealing a mountain of skulls surrounded by rivers and waterfalls of blood. Four more demons riding large boars leading a carriage then entered the peak of the skull mountain and exploded, a giant, buff demon emerging from wreck, covered in horns and skulls, and a red, swishy cape (You've got to love capes). It also bore a large greatsword which burned like the sun, the sparks coming off of it wearing a face with the constant look of agony. Like a bureaucrat. Celestia and Luna looked dumbfounded at the titan, until Celestia put on a pair of sunglasses, only to dramatically take them off,
"…Mother of me" she exclaimed.

The colossal demon then sat on a large throne of skulls with two fountains of blood gushing though the grotesque skulls of men, deamons, and Trynids. It then lifted it right arm, a fridge and storage cabinet rose from the skulls of the hard-scoping casuals.
"NEW FROM HELL-HOGS!" it boomed, the gargantuan cabinet opening to reveal a surprisingly empty room the size of a small house. Luna squinted her eyes and saw it was not empty, for inside was the unholy, the magnificent, the-
"THE ALL-NEW KHORNE FLAKES!" he roared! fire bursting out of the pours of his blood-drenched skin, the chains littering his body melting. It then forcefully removed the small box with his fabulous pink-glossed nails, and slammed it down on the counter which the princess where on, into the small kitchen set which was there for some unexplained reason, like in-

The cereal box gracefully landed on the cabinet on top of the larger cabinet… cabinet-ception. As this was happening a low-pitched sound boomed at the joke none of the characters in this crack-head's fan fiction which left the princesses' looking puzzled as a lift (a British elevator) emerged from the marble surface of the cabinet. The metle doors of the five meter tall lift opened. Then two things happened. First, there was some pretty good jazzy music going on. And something about the ultimate champion of Khorne, but nobody cares about that, just listen to that amazing music! Meanwhile, Khârn -the most constipated-sounding guy in the galexy- charged into the kitchen, swinging his chainsaw-axe of awesomeness at the princesses', fire spewing out of the mouths of the face-things on his horns.
"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" He screamed like a banshee, then lightly placing his unholy artifact of power on the counter, and lightly frolicked to the fridge and took out a jug of milk, which was placed down gently on the counter next to the bowl filled with Khorne flakes… which was there, obviously.
"MILK FOR THE KHORNE… FLAKES!!!" He continued, whacking his arms to the side, accidentally sending the milk hurdling towards the ground.

Time was almost at a stand-still for Khârn, as he slowly reached for the slowly falling milk.
"Um… sister, should we leave now?" Luna whispered, curiously watching the display before her, as the four meter tall titan slowly reached down for the slowly falling jug of milk, all the while screaming 'nooooooooooooooooo!' like in a generic action-thriller
"Yes, Luna. Yes we should" Clestia replied, and they both turned around and walked through the portal home… which was there the whole time… because reasons. But their memories will be permantaly scarred, for they will always remember this place, no matter how much they repress it, like when Blue~~balls~~blood visits. Ungrateful snob.

The video then paused and the baffled looking CEO of Cereal Brands Co. looked down the table at the gleeful looking dark lord, Sombra and his advertisement pitch on an ancient TV unit.
"Yeah… you would do better in the mining industry" the CEO said, wiping his glasses. The dictator's gleeful expression then turned into one of excitement… no, they are not the same, Nigel!

And so children, that is how the Crystal Empire became the biggest crystal mining dictatorship in history. But Sunbutt was like 'Blah blah immoral! Blar blah pony ethics!

Meanwhile, the pimp-god emperor of pony kind was sat on his throne, but was defiantly not set in stone, watched over his kingdom which looked wayyyy better than when Celestia looked over it, because she lacked creativity, and the smashing looks that Disco-
"Um… Discord?" Twilight intervened, "how is this a bedtime story? It sounds more like obligatory product placement" she continued, tucking herself out of her bed inside her gargantuan palace which looks out of place, and would still do in the crystal empire… seriously, the magic MLG rainbow should have resurrected her tree, or at least remake the books-

The narrator who's voice was unfortunately not Morgan Freeman's realized he was being watched by Twilight and Discord whilst he was on the roof of a nearby house writing everything that Discord said so he could out it on Equestria Daily. But he was sentenced to banishment on the moon for copyright claims. But thankfully he had a banana. But it was a berry, so it was sent to Tartarus… because that makes sense.

Fin

Author's Note

Yea… I don't know what this is either. I can't remember even writing this! Well… most of it. I had to redo quite a bid since dozy me cannot use grammar for the life of him-me!

-Lightning [T]/