Marmite Showers

by Blueshift

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character
Length: 1441

A pony from Trottingham brings the delicious taste of Marmite to Ponyville. Is Ponyville ready for the greatest British food of all time?

A pony from Trottingham brings the delicious taste of Marmite to Ponyville. Is Ponyville ready for the greatest British food of all time?

Published 2014-08-24 20:00:09 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-24 20:00:09 UTC

Marmite Showers

“What is it?” There was a babble of excitement as all the citizens of Ponyville crowded around the new shop that had sprung up overnight. The building had been deserted for months, ever since Lemon Dreams’ eye drop shop had ended in disaster and lawsuits.

“I bet it’s a toy shop!” Scootaloo stood on her hind legs to get a better view of the grand opening. The shop had been swathed in multi-coloured curtains to hide the view of the insides. “I bet they’ll sell toy wings and then I can fly!”

“It’s gonna be an apple shop!” Apple Bloom creased her brow in annoyance. “Ah can smell apples! It’s gonna be a rival to us and we’ll be bankrupt and broke until Celestia resets the bit again!”

“What is it?” Sweetie Belle whispered to her friends, pointing at her bandaged eyes. “Will it be a cure for these lemon eye drops?”

“Fillies and gentlecolts!” There was a gasp as through the curtain pushed a black pony with a yellow mane. “Thank you, Ponyville for making me feel so welcome so far from Trottingham! My name is Marmite Showers, and this is my new store!”

At a gesture, the curtains fell away to reveal a simple wooden shop topped with a gigantic black bubbling vat on the roof.

The crowd gasped. Then it gasped again.

“What… what is it?” Berry Punch put her hoof up. “Is it sofas?”

Marmite Showers shook his head with a laugh. “No, no! It’s Ponyville’s latest store, that will bring the delicious food of Trottingham to Ponyville! Now you don’t have to eat boring hay or wheat or apples! Now you can feast on Marmite and cheese that doesn’t come out of a can!”

“What?” Scootaloo gasped. “But doesn’t all cheese come in aerosol form?”

“Not at all!” Marmite Showers held up a strange yellow block. “Yes, Ponyville, this can all be yours! Also I have biscuits and Angel Delight and jelly babies! But most importantly, Marmite!” HE pointed at the huge vat on top of the shop. “There’s enough Marmite for everyone!”

There was a distinct lack of cheers.

“I thought that vat was for tarring the road,” Noteworthy spoke up. “…I mean, isn’t it?”

“No, no.” Marmite Showers gave a jolly laugh and shook his head. “Marmite is the most delicious food known to ponydom. It was the shameful lack of Marmite in this town that brought me here. Ponyville, I give you the gift of Marmite!”

From out of the shop came several ponies each holding a tray full of delicate slices of bread, each of them smeared with a black gunk, offering it to the crowd. There were no takers.

“No, seriously. What is it?” Noteworthy looked at the toast suspiciously. “Do you put it in your mouth?”

“Okay folks!” Marmite Showers clapped his hooves together enthusiastically. “See, Marmite was an amazing discovery! You know how during the brewing process when you’re fermenting all the yeast and there’s a strange smelling black scum that accumulates at the top?”

“…Yes…” Noteworthy narrowed his eyes.

“Well,” Marmite Showers continued. “We scrape off the goo, put it in a jar and call it Marmite!” He took a piece of toast and popped it in his mouth. “Mmm, delicious.”

His display was not met with the enthusiasm that is may have mustered. “You sicken me!” Noteworthy hissed, turning to walk away. The crowd started to melt with him, various ponies making their excuses to leave.

“What is it? What is it?” Sweetie Belle reached for one of the slices of toast and tried to put it in her mouth.

“No, Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo slapped the toast away. “It’s not safe! If only you could see, you’d know!”

“I can see!” Sweetie Belle squeaked, lifting her bandage and blinking. “But Rarity said I’ve got to wear this until the lawsuit is finished!”

As the Marmite shop was left abandoned except for three arguing fillies, Marmite Showers stood in confusion. “No, come back!” he cried. “Please, trust me! It’s delicious!”

***

“This is awful! So awful!” Twilight Sparkle paced about the inside of her magic tree castle, throwing her head back in despair. “Poor Marmite Showers has come all the way from Trottingham and put his life savings into his shop, and nopony cares!”

She looked out of the window. In the streets below, Ponyville was a bustling town, all except for the area around Marmite Showers’ shop where Marmite Showers sat outside, gently weeping to himself, the rain lashing down on top of him.

“And putting that rain cloud there was really, really mean,” Twilight continued. “Why won’t ponies give him a chance?”

“Well, you’ve not bought any of his Marmite,” Spike shook his head and sat down in a huff. “Why don’t you go and be his first customer. Then, when everyone sees you eating it – ”

“No, no, got to stop you there,” Twilight snapped. “I… I think I’m probably allergic to it. But that doesn’t mean everyone else shouldn’t be friendly and go there!”

Spike joined her at the window. “He does other things though! Like, cheese! Buy some of his cheese, Twilight!”

“Eeh…” Twilight shrugged. “It doesn’t come out of a spraycan though. That’s not natural!”

“What about some sort of town festival?” Spike turned to Twilight. “There could be a big party, and everyone could try his Marmite and there could be free drink and – ”

“Yes, free drink!” Twilight brightened up. “And I can do a slideshow on acceptance!”

***

The streets of Ponyville were festooned with bunting, large colourful streamers lining the streets all leading towards Marmite Showers’ shop.

“And so finally,” Twilight continued on her podium outside the shop, surrounded by a crowd that had been placated by free drink, “if life has taught us anything, it’s important that we have to try things before we decide we hate them! Otherwise we’ll never discover anything new. We must experience fully before we judge, otherwise it is no better than racism! And we’re not racist!”

The crowd cheered. Marmite Showers started to cry tears of joy. “Thank you, Twilight!” he wept, wiping a hoof across his smeared cheek. “Thank you for convincing everyone to give me a chance!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Twilight smiled. “I’ve been shocked at the reaction of my fellow ponies! They’ve got to give you a chance!”

“And here comes the chance!” Marmite Showers cried happily, to the now enthusiastic crowd. From out of the shops, again came several ponies with trays of toast, smeared with black goo. “I’m sure you’ll love it!”

“Thanks!” Twilight took a piece of toast and held it up, waiting for the trays to empty. “Here’s to not being biased!” She put the entire slice in her mouth and swallowed. Everyone else in the crowd followed her lead.

“Well?” Marmite Showers leaned in closely. “I know you’ll love it, Twilight! This is a new age, a new age of – ”

“BLAAAAARGH.” Twilight’s face turned green and a spray of vomit spewed out of her mouth. “What the heck was – BLAAAAAARGH!”

“BLAAAAARGH!” In the crowd, Noteworthy collapsed onto his side, vomiting so violently he span about in a circle like a downed catherine wheel.

One by one, the ponies dropped, all spewing up violently. Screamed filled the air as Ponyville tried to digest Marmite. Cloudkicker took to the air to try and escape the relentless onslaught of outpouring stomach contents, but she started to throw up mid-flight, the propulsion from her throwing up causing her to spiral into the vat of Marmite that rested on top of the shop.

The vat rocked violently and then tumbled over, spilling a deluge of black, foul-smelling goo all over the suffering townsfolk.

“No, no!” Marmite Showers cried, waving his hooves in despair as he waded through a mixture of vomit and Marmite. “It’s really nice, I promise!”

“I’m okay, I’m okay!” Twilight dry-heaved, as then more Marmite from the vat hit her in the face. “BLAAAARGH!” she screamed, falling over, coated in black Marmite and somehow retching up more.

“What is it? What is it?” Sweetie Belle looked up with her blindfolded eyes, opening her mouth in wonder. A torrent of Marmite fell straight down her throat. “BLAAAAAARGH!” Sweetie Belle screamed, vomiting it straight back up in some sort of black gungy fountain.

Ponyville fell silent, apart from the gentle crying and occasional vomiting of the citizenship, a black sludge slowly spreading out from the shop to envelope everything in its path.

“Well…” Marmite Showers shook his head sadly. “I guess you either love it or hate it.”