Princess Celestia is in your bed.

by ocalhoun

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1102

Princess Celestia is inexplicably in your bed.

Princess Celestia is in your bed, and you don't know why: what do?

Cute, funny, and short. Have fun reading!

Proofreading by RaylanKrios.
Now with audio reading by CaptainBron3y
Second audio reading by MeloncholyIguana.

Based on this story:
Princess Celestia is (still) in your Bed
Princess Celestia Has Stolen All Your Bed Sheets
Drunk CelestAI Is In Your Bed
Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed
Princess Celestia is in Your Washing Machine

Published 2014-08-31 23:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-31 23:10:02 UTC

What do?

The sliding door was open when I came home.

I didn't think much of it; I was tired after a long day of working at the plant. Probably just my roommate, Wayne, being irresponsible again. I just dropped my bag next to the old couch and headed for the fridge for a drink.

All my soda was gone. I could have sworn I put a bottle of strawberry Fanta in there that morning, right there in the pocket of the fridge door. I'd even written 'OC' with a sharpie on the cap. Wayne needed a talking to, that was for sure. I settled for the half-gallon of orange juice in the back. It had been in there a long time, but orange juice doesn't really go bad, does it? Probably healthier, anyway. Unless it went bad.

It didn't taste wrong, so I shrugged it off. Probably fine. The rest of the house seemed to be in normal order, or normal disorder.

There was a crystal wine glass in the sink. I leaned over to look, and yes, it had a tiny little smear of red in the bottom. So that was where the Fanta went. But why the wine glass? Everybody has them: a set of fancy glasses they keep around 'for special occasions' but never actually use. This one had probably sat untouched in the cupboard for years... until today, when somebody used it to drink strawberry Fanta... a lot of strawberry Fanta.

I rolled my eyes. What was up with Wayne? This was weird, even for him. Not that I had much room to talk, I supposed.

After a good swig, I put the orange juice back in the fridge and headed to my bedroom. I needed to call my girlfriend, but then I could relax for a while. Work at the plant wasn't all that hard, but it was hot and tedious. 'Tiresome' might be the word.

As soon as I opened the door to my bedroom, I knew something was wrong. A big white equine something with wings.

Princess Celestia — in all her royal glory — was lying on my bed. Her wings sprawled open across the sheets, her back hooves rested on my favorite pillow, and her front hooves rested on her chest. She snored lightly.

I stood there, frozen in the doorway. I stood there for a long time.

It amazed me, how big she was. She filled up the whole queen size bed, and then some. Her mane and tail flowed off of it, waving across the floor as she slept.

I regained enough mental function to take another step and shut the door behind me... but not enough function to think that maybe I should have left my escape route open.

Some primitive part of me wanted to rage at the violation of my personal territory. Some fan-boyish part of me wanted to squeal with glee. But most of me just wanted to say, 'What the hell?'

These conflicting desires conspired to produce a very profound “Um... what?”

Her snoring stopped. She rolled her neck, opened her eyes just a little, and gave me a sleepy upside-down smile.

“Princess Celestia?”

She nodded a little. “Hi.”

She could talk! She was real. The real Princess Celestia was in my bed. This was so impossible! ... And so... wrong.

“Princess?” I leaned my head a little to the side as I asked. “What are you doing in my bed?”

She slowly stretched her hooves out before plopping them back down exactly where they were. Her smile grew, but her eyes closed. “Napping.”

“Right...” I looked around the room. Nothing else seemed to be out of place, though my computer was turned on. I always put it in sleep mode before I leave for work. “But... why are you napping? Why are you napping here?”

“S'very comfy.” She nuzzled her head into a soft, wadded-up blanket — one of my favorites.

“Celestia!” I surprised myself with my vehemence.

Her head popped up and turned almost upright. “Princess Celestia.” She plopped back down onto the bed.

I rubbed my hand across my face. This was not the time for such weirdness. “Okay, Princess Celestia. Why are you here?”

“To bask in your glorious presence, of course.”

I just stared at her, my hands on my hips.

She giggled. “Very well, I'm here to appreciate your lovely Twilight Sparkle toy.” She reached beneath a blanket and pulled out a Twilight plushie, holding it up to her face. “It's so cute!”

I didn't move.

She tossed the plushie away and turned her head. “I have no need to confide in the likes of you!”

I was figuring things out, though. “Luna banished you, didn't she?”

“Question not my motives, mortal!” She kicked my favorite pillow onto the floor.

“Well, can you at least get out of my bed? I'm really tired from work and I need to relax. This isn't helping.”

She rolled her head to look at me, then rolled her eyes as well. “Oh, you are tired? Pay no attention to me, I have just been thrust across an uncrossable reality barrier by my treacherous niece, but oh no, you're tired from your pathetic daily labor and need your rest.”

I matched her eye roll. “Come on, this is no time for sleeping. Look how high the sun is.” I pointed at the window.

The slow fall of my finger traced the sun's abnormally fast descent below the horizon.

“There. Nighttime.” Celestia yawned. “No moon today. Too tired.”

Well that was going to make some astronomers' lives more interesting than usual. Sunset at five thirty. She might be messing with things on an astronomical scale, but my tired mind was focused on smaller things. “And my Fanta?”

She opened her eyes again and smiled wide. “It was delicious!”

I breathed a heavy sigh. “Come on. Don't be childish. I've watched the show — I know you're over a thousand years old.” I gestured toward my bed. “So what are we going to do about this?”

She paused for a moment, then smiled even wider. With altogether more rustling, flopping, and tussling of sheets than necessary, she turned herself around and rolled over onto her side, freeing up half the bed, though her wings hung over the edge on one side. Her horn glowed, and my pillow floated up to the head of the bed next to her.

She patted the empty spot on the bed next to her and smiled at me, her eyes still drooping sleepily.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding.”