"It's nine o'clock on a Saturday, regular crowd shuffles in."
*CLICK*
“So… wait does it hear me? I hit the red dot…”
…
“Of course I know what the red dot means!”
…
“Waddya mean?! I can’t-”
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“Oh… yeah the cassette is spinning. I’m going to start now…”
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“Uhh… do you mind leaving? I don’t think I can do this with you watching…”
…
“Yeah I know. Thanks for the birthday present Berry, means a lot and all that.”
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“No, I don’t wanna kiss on the cheek! I’m not six anymore! Get out of my room!”
…
“Yeah, I’ll mop the floor before bed. See ya later.”
*Ruffling of paper*
“Erm… Okay. Date. September ninetieth, Saturday, and the day after my sixteenth birthday! Today’s quote is ‘Be sure to eat a piece of… humble pie?’ Is this really a quote? I swear, Berry makes these up from the top of her head.”
*Crumpling sounds*
“Alright, well… ummm… Berry said it’s easier to talk to this thing if I think it’s a pony. So, Hi! My name is Staccato... and I play piano for Berry’s bar... Yeeaaahh... ”
“Uhh… I guess I’ll just give you a rundown of my life. I had trouble getting up this morning ‘cause last night was my crazy birthday party. Berry Punch had me go and buy some groceries, and when I came back everypony was in the bar. They were hiding behind tables and the bar, anything they could find. When I walked in the door everyone jumped out and yelled ‘Surprise!’”
“…I hate surprises. I ended up dropping all I bought and spilling it all over the floor. Everyone laughed, but I spent MY bits on some of the stuff! Like the hard candy I got from Sugarcube Corner. I was looking forward to that and it got all soggy with milk I dropped on it… Ah well, the night was awesome anyway. After the surprise, Berry shouted, ‘Drinks on me!’ and everyone cheered; especially the regulars. All sorts of booze was gettin’ passed around and ponies were downin’ them like it was the last drink they’d ever have. Pip and Rumble were there, but they weren’t drinking ‘cause they’re my age. They made the party bearable. Ya know, since the bar was getting trashed, and I knew I’d have to clean it.”
“Oh, and Ruby Pinch was there, and wow, did she look beautiful. She was wearing this flower on in her mane and… that was about it. But still, she looked mighty fine! I wonder if the guys will think it’s weird if I ask her out even though she’s a year younger than me… Awww, what am I talking about?! After last night, how could I ever think that…?”
*Pacing hoofsteps*
“A-anyway, after a few hours people started chanting, ‘Play a song! Play a song!’ and there was no way I could turn THAT down. I sat at my ol’ piano and played a light, jazzy tune. It was mostly improv, but everypony ate it up. Heads were bobbing and all the ponies started dancing and swinging to the beat. After I finished, everyone stamped the ground in applause. They were like, ‘How do you play without sheet music?’ and ‘That’s so cool how you make that up on the spot!’ Pip got up and said, ‘Pff, I can play that!’ but when he started, it sounded terrible since his hoof covered, like, four keys at once. He got booed off faster than you could say, ‘You suck!’ and me and Rumble were laughing so hard. He came up to me, looking at his hooves and said, ‘How do you play that thing with these hooves?’”
“I just shrugged, but really the trick is magic. I’m a unicorn after all, so I can use my horn to create pockets of air pressure under my hooves. The air is so tight that I can hit individual keys with them. My hooves don’t actually touch the piano, they just hover over the keys. Making the air pressure is the easy part; the hard part is knowing which keys to hit. I’ve been doing this for a while though, so you could say I’m a professional. I mean, my cutie mark is a staccato symbol, so it helps that playing jazzy and blues type music is my special talent. Anyway, there’s no way I’d tell them my secret. Makes it less impressive, ya know? Besides, all the real famous pianists are pegasi since they can control their feathers and play with precision. Maybe I’ll get famous for how I...”
*The pacing stops and there is a sigh*
“Nah, fame should be the last thing on my mind.”
“Where was I? Oh yeah, the party. So everyone was gettin’ tipsy, especially Berry. She can usually control herself when she’s working the bar, but when she’s at a party… I dunno, she just loses it. She was still drinking when ponies started to go home. Most of them were stumbling out and others needed help walking down the street! Pip and Rumble had already gone home, and I was stuck waking up passed-out ponies. I had to say, ‘Come on, you can’t sleep here tonight.’ Some of them would get up and stagger out the door, but there were always the few that were legitimately floored. I’d have to kick ‘um in the ribs to get them up and out of the door. It’s alright, they won't remember it anyway.”
“When I had gotten all the ponies out, it got really quiet. Quiet enough for me to hear a whisper behind the bar. It was Pinchy trying to get her mom awake. When I came over, Ruby Pinch let out the cutest squeak of surprise. She kept apologizing to me, saying, ‘I’m so sorry about my mom. She usually doesn’t get this drunk!’ I just laughed and said, ‘Well, it IS her bar. She can drink as much as she wants here.’ Pinchy didn’t laugh and gave me a stern look. ‘This is no laughing matter,’ she said, ‘She has a serious problem.’ I didn’t know what to do, ‘cause Ruby Pinch never scolded me, so I just muttered, ‘I can help you carry her home if you want.’ She nodded so I picked Berry up and followed her out the door.”
“Now, I would never say this to Berry’s face, but she weighs a ton! That mare is like a sack of bricks. Maybe it was all the wheat beer she had, but she really has got to cut down on the calories or somethin’. Anyway, she was passed out on my back while I walked with Pinchy. At that point, I really didn’t know what to say… since she kinda yelled at me in the bar. She’s acting like I don’t care about Berry or anything, but she’s wrong! Berry Punch is as much a mother to me as she is to her!”
“…Wow… I can’t believe I just said that… I mean, Berry… Berry raised me since I was six. A-and I spend way more time with her than Pinchy does! We’ve been working together at the bar forever! Ruby Pinch just… I bet she thinks I’m just as immature as her mom. When did she become so bossy? What happened to the happy-go-lucky Pinchy I grew up with…?”
“…”
“Whatever. Anyway, we didn’t say a word the whole time I was lugging her passed-out mother home. Luckily, Berry Punch woke up right when we got on their porch. She was like, ‘Stuccato… ur amazingk, ya know dat… I’m so glad you- we got dat bar. Da bar wouldn’t be half of wut it ish witout you.’ I smiled and nodded at her and said, ‘Thanks Berry.’”
“And then Ruby Pinch said, ‘What about me, Mom?’ I was putting Berry down, but I gave her a look like, ‘What kind of question is that?!’ Berry didn’t notice though, and she said, ‘You too Pinchy! You kids are da most wun-wundurful thingk that ever happent to me.’ She was laughing and tripping over herself trying to get into her house.”
“After Pinchy helped her mom through their door, I said, ‘Goodnight Pinchy.’ And you know what she did? Oh, she said ‘Goodnight,’ but her look… she gave me this sad look. Are you serious?! What could she possibly be sad about? Is she jealous of me? Does she think Berry Punch likes me more or something? Grrrrrrrah! I’m so pissed!”
“...Why am I so pissed? Why… why doesn’t Ruby Pinch like me?...”
“…”
“So… after that, I had a walk of shame back to the bar. It was my birthday, but somehow I felt like I was responsible for what happened at MY surprise party. I felt so bad; I had to get my mind off of what happened. It was already midnight, but I spent another two hours cleaning up the bar so it could be presentable for the day after. When I finally finished setting the tables back up and cleaning the floor, I noticed the present table. There weren’t very many, but I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it before. I got a scarf from Rarity and some chocolates from Pinkie Pie. Even though no one was around, the presents I got from all those older mares really made me embarrassed for some reason. Rumble and Pip pitched in and got me a fedora for me. They wrote a letter that said… uhh… something… hold on.”
*Hoofsteps followed by the sounds ruffling of paper*
“Uhh… ‘Hey there bro. We got you this hat so you could look like a boss while you play the piano. With this, you will have no trouble getting the ladies. Mares love classy guys in hats.’ Those guys are so awesome.”
*hoofsteps away and back again*
“Hmm… what else… I got some sheet music from Blues. Blues knows what I like ‘cause I go to his music store every Monday for a new song. Only takes me a couple days before I get it memorized… not that I’m bragging or anything! It takes a lot of practice! Erm… I also got this thing for my birthday… this recorder-box thingy. Berry said that it’s the newest invention to come out of Fillydelphia and it cost her a ton of bits. I won’t let her down, that’s why I’m using it now. I’ve already tried it out a little, so I know it works… this is the longest I’ve had it running. I really hope the cassette doesn’t run out before I’m done.”
“Better speed this up then. So after I opened up all my presents, I brought ‘um up to my room. I really have to give Berry Punch a lot of credit. She may have self-control issues, but she’s an altogether great pony. She gave me a home when I had none and a job doing something that I love. She is so kind; she gave me the spare room above the bar! It’s not for free though. In return, I gotta work for her without pay, though I can keep the tips I get from waiting tables and playin’ the piano.”
“Dang… I haven’t even begun to talk about today. Okay so, I woke up to the sound of Berry Punch banging on my door. She was yellin’ something about her hangover and how, ‘If I have to be up workin’, so do you!’ It took me a few minutes, but I finally rolled out of bed and stumbled downstairs. I can’t believe she made me work the day after my birthday… but what is she gonna do? She’s short staffed as it is.”
“So I walk downstairs and she immediately gets on to me about my messy hair. I try to explain that I was up late cleaning the bar, but before I can she dunks my head under the sink and rinses me off. After that, she throws a towel on my face and says, ‘When you’re done drying yourself off you can start setting the tables for the morning rush.’ Berry may be demanding, but she means well.”
“The morning rush refers to the ponies that come in for the coffee in the mornings. Although Berry’s bar is known for its juices and liquors, we usually have a cup o’ joe brewed for the ponies that need a kick before work. Though, Saturdays aren’t the busiest in the morning since most ponies have the day off for the weekend. We usually get weather ponies coming in to get their boost for the day.”
“I spend most mornings and afternoons waiting tables while Berry handles the orders and the bar. Since there are so many restaurants around Ponyville, our bar is simply a place to get a drink. Berry says that she just wants to keep things simple. ‘I want ponies to know what they’re going to expect when they come here,’ she told me once. That’s fine with me; saves me the trouble of doubling as a cook or something.”
“I’ve been waiting these tables for so long, I’ve memorized what ponies like at what times of the day. Like, Rainbow Dash likes her coffee black as night. She says the bitterness gets her ready to start the day. All I can say is you gotta be made of steel if you can drink Berry’s coffee black. Let’s see… Twilight comes in every now and again for some creamy coffee. When I get her order, I always try to draw a picture in her mug out of the cream. The pictures usually turn out crappy, but she always gives me a smile when she sees it. Then during the afternoon, Carrot Top comes in for her regular glass of carrot juice. She actually supplies us with the carrots we use for the juice, so Berry gives her a discount. Colgate comes in too, for a single shot of whiskey. She says it steadies her magic when she's working on teeth. How alcohol steadies magic is beyond me, but as long as she’s got the bits, we’ll keep the drinks comin’.”
“Ruby Pinch usually comes at lunchtime to eat with her mom and me, but today…well...”
“Anyway, the afternoon crawled by without anything spectacular happening. The fun starts when the night begins. Saturdays are super busy during the night because ponies love spendin’ a little of their week’s salary on a drink. Some come to drink, some come to forget their troubles, and some… heh… some come and just listen to me.”
“I usually start playing at nine o’clock on Saturdays, that is, after I talk to Hayseed. That geezer really knows how to tell a good story. I doubt any of them are true, but once he’s got a few rounds in him; he can convince ya of anything. Just today he told me that one year, his family was sooo hungry that he climbed all the way to Canterlot and demanded food from the princess herself! I asked him why he didn’t take the train and he said, ‘Dagnabit, we didn’t have fancy trains back in my day! The most we had was wooden horseshoes! Yeh, I hiked up that mountain in ‘um too, just to feed my family. Then I marched right back down with a bag full of cabbage!’ I just laughed as he ordered another drink. Even if that story isn't true, the journey from Canterlot to Ponyville is one of the worst ever. I can attest to that.”
“Once the clock strikes nine, though, it’s time to go to work. I downed my cider and headed over to the piano. It’s old and kinda out of tune, but it’s my baby and it still sings when I ask it. Before I start, I always look behind me to see the crowd. Everypony is always looking at me with eager eyes… but it doesn’t get me nervous. Don’t get me wrong, if I was playing on a stage in front of hundreds of ponies, I would definitely choke. But when I’m in the bar with ponies I see every week, I don’t mind their stares.”
“I usually play some bumpin’ blues or a rag piece on Saturdays. Whenever I do, I can hear the ponies behind me tap their hooves to the beat. Today I started with Maple Leaf Rag, which is always great background music for the bar. The best music is the music ponies can jam to without it stoppin’ their conversation, especially for a bar. Whenever I finish I piece, though, they all seem to notice and everypony applauds.”
“I dunno… sometimes I feel like that guy from the song ‘Piano Colt’ by Filly Jewel. That song is mostly right when it comes to bars: ponies go there to forget about life for a while. When you’re with your friends, sharin’ a drink, good times are bound to happen. Sure, we get the occasional bar fight or a mare decides to puke on the furniture, but not one pony has ever complained about the service. Nights are the best: Berry servin’ up the alcohol and me on the piano. It really is just a cozy place to relax…”
“I usually finish playing at closing time, which is eleven. After I get the drunks out the door, I help Berry with cleaning. Today was different though ‘cause when I got everyone out, Berry asked me if I had tried her birthday present. I shook my head and she handed me a piece of paper. Then she started blabberin’ about how I should use her present as like an audio diary or something. ‘I’ll give you a quote every time you use it!’ she said. Her smile was so bright, how could I say no? I DID tell her that it’s not a diary; it’s gonna be an audio LOG ‘cause diaries are for girls, and I ain’t no girl!”
“…Hmm… whelp, that’s about it. I’m really grateful for all the presents I got yester-”
*Shuffling*
“Hold on… there’s a tiny present inside the box the fedora came in… Heh, Pip must have hid it when I wasn’t looking.”
*Ripping sounds*
“Huh… it’s a gemstone… ‘came with a note too…”
*Ruffling of paper*
“It says, ‘Hi Staccato! Oh my gosh, it’s your birthday! You are so old now. Before you know it, you’re going to need a walker! Anyway, I hope you like my present. I know how you hate girly things, but this is a very special jewel. This pink ruby was the first one I found. It was also the day I got my cutie mark and knew that my special talent was finding gems.’”
“…”
“‘…It means a lot to me, so you had better take care of it! I thought this would be the best gift because you and mom get along so well. You two work together all the time, and I only see you when I have time off from my job. This is just a reminder that-’”
*Sniffling*
“‘T-This is just a reminder that I-I’m still here and not to forget about me. We have known each other for so long; it would break my heart if you guys did not care to see me anymore. Remember-’”
*More sniffling followed by a cough*
“‘Remember, you have a special place in my heart. After all… we are f-family. Love… love, Ruby Pinch.’”
“…”
“Well… Ahhh…. This… Uhhh… Aww SCREW IT! What time is it?! You know what; it doesn’t matter what time it is! I’ve got to apologize to Pinchy! It’s a stallion’s job to make things right, and this ain’t a bridge I’m about to burn!!”
*Fading gallops followed by a door slamming*
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*CLICK*
