That got a hearty laugh from both Bear and Winepress. Bolshevik just scowled, but I had a feeling that was his default expression for everything. Cavalier and Saber, the youngest of the team, snorted behind their gloved hands; if I didn't know any better, I'd swear I was getting mocked. Instead, I got a brief, but highly informative, chawing session. Bear, as big and brawny as he looked, actually ran a florist shop. (Couldn't tell me were and I didn't feel like asking.) Bolshevik, who rarely spoke and was a sullen presence in the merriment, was a bouncer at a swanky nightclub that was a Mafioso front. He also acted as a bodyguard form some of the Family's major bosses. Saber taught fencing, thus the name, but his hobbies include knitting and haberdashery. I thought that was apparent by the hand-sewn cravat he wore. Cavalier was a real soldier-of-fortune, taking mercenary gigs from all over the world.

"" he explained, ""

"" Bear agreed, ""

Winepress wasn't that much more exciting; he was a sommelier for The Family, but was knowledgeable enough in stealth and urban combat that he also served as an enforcer, mostly for Janovic Krushenko. If there was one Mafioso character you didn't wanna cross, it was Krushenko; the guy is believed to have the heads of his enemies packed in a special room of his Portland, Oregon, home. That left Arkangel, who hadn't spoken at all during this little get together. When she slinked towards us, silent and swift as death itself, all she needed was a nod in Winepress' direction to get the team to stop speaking.

"" Winepress interrupted, ""

"" I mused.

"" Winepress continued, ""

"Okay..." I whispered, following in the wake of Arkangel's steps. We stepped out of the barn, around it's side, and then moved to the back. We walk past the barn, moving towards the tree line; I noted the fat, ripening peaches on the trees. They seemed incongruous with the lithe, utterly silent woman who was leading me into the grove. Snatches of memory were coming to me now: a young girl, aged six years, a mane of strawberry blonde hair that was at odds with her deep, chocolate brown eyes. The tinkling laugh she gave off was mesmerizing to me at the time, though now that I had Fluttershy in my life, that laugh was poor cousin to the golden pegasus twittering.

We finally stopped about ten meters past the treeline, well out of line-of-sight of the barn or the farm house. She turned around to see me, her face expressionless.

"" she said, ""

And that's when the lightbulb when on in my head!

"Anastasia?!" I exclaimed.

"Arkady," she smiled, a beaming spread of her lips that seemed to go when into her eyes, "my, my, how well you have grown."

"Jesus, Anastasia!" I said, "It's been what, ten years? How've ya been?"

"Fairly well, actually," she replied. I could still hear the trace of an accent in her voice. "Given this lot, I would say that I managing very well, indeed."

"I-"

She came close, and gave me a Russian greeting, kissing each cheek. Then she planted a quick peck on my lips that sent shock waves through me. I had completely forgotten about Anastasia Sulev. I met her when I was seven; she was the new girl in the Bronx Stacks and virtually alone. Her mother was pimped out by her husband, who was a low level mook in the Mafioso. I even think he was working for Uncle Sergei for a time, but I don't completely remember. We hung out, like little kids did back then, swinging on monkey bars, poking sticks at absolutely disgusting things, and shooting rocks from used and worn slingshots. She was the one who gave my first kiss... Christ, the day she went missing, I bawled for hours, which earned me the strap from my Father.

"I know," Anastasia said, "it has been a long time. I nearly leapt out of my skin when I saw you!"

(Applejack’s POV)

Ah wasn't sure how Ah wanted ta talk 'bout this. Ah didn't want ta go ta Jessica. It seemed wrong ta even ask if'n she'd done this 'fore, but Ah had to talk ta somepony 'bout it.

It felt.. Ah thought it'd feel wrong, lettin' Anthony stick a finger up there, but... it didn't feel bad, at least not then. Now, now Ah wasn't sure what ta think 'bout it.

Here Ah was, a mare 'bout ta be married, pregnant with foals, and Ah... Ah can't, fer the life of me, make sense 'bout this.

Ah had ta talk ta somepony. Ah wasn't callin' Pinkie. Ah love ma cousin, she's a great gal, but Ah wasn't in the mood fer an 'Applejack just lost her black cherry' party.

Rarity.. Yeah, sure, Ah could jest hear Rarity tellin' me that it was uncooth. Ah'm fairly sure that Twilight's still a virgin, and Ah ain't go no clue as to where Rainbow Dash is. That left Fluttershy.

It was bad enough that the two of us had... Well, when yer heat is on purty bad ya need help, and we dun handled our heat the best we could. Ah'm sure she dun told her fellar 'bout it...

'Okay Applejack, jest go in there, look at Fluttershy, and talk about yer husband ta be stickin' his finger up yer tailhole, and that ya kind of liked it....

“'Bloom, Ah sure wish ya were a couple years older, and dun been with Harold... That or Ah kind of wish that Granny was already here,” Ah thought as Ah walked out toward the orchard.

Ah smelled the sweet air that hung ‘round the house. It smelled clean out here. Right back with nature, and then Ah heard her. Fluttershy was a singin’ over near the garden, and there was a few of ‘em critters that had came ‘round ta be near her. Ah gotta figure that they would. She always had a way with critters anyway, and it seemed like the critters here were jest as acceptin’ of her as the critters back home.

Ah walked toward her, knowing that there was a good chance ma friend was a goin’ ta think ah was some kind of… weirdo.

“Fluttershy, sugarcube, ya got a minute?” Ah asked.

“Of course. Oh, don’t worry little friends, I’ll be back in a little while to sing to you again,” she said before she floated toward me.

Ah wasn’t sure how ta start. What do Ah say? Ah can’t figure that coming out and sayin’ that Ah got a finger up my tailhole would be much of an ice breaker.

“Applejack, it looks like something’s bothering you,” she said.

“It is… sugarcube, Ah… Ah got ta ask ya somethin’, and Ah ain’t quite sure how ta ask, so Ah guess that Ah jest gotta ask. Has Ark ever put anythin’ up your tailhole?” Ah asked.

Ah must have caught her off guard fer a second, but then she took my hand and Ah felt her leadin’ me into the orchard.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Ah… Well… Ya mind to answer ma question first… Ah hate ta be like that, but Ah really need ta talk ta somepony ‘bout this, and Ah figure it’d be easier if’n they’ve dun had it dun to ‘em,” Ah said.

"Well, uh, to be honest, y-yes, I have. Ark and I have- you could say, 'laid pipe in the fudge factory.'"

Ah breathed out, looked at Fluttershy and closed ma eyes.

“Last night… Me and Anthony got ta foolin’ around, and we.. Well, we was a doing a few things and he dun went and put a finger up there. Ah ain’t gonna say Ah didn’t like it, but… it seems awful dirty,” Ah said.

Ah looked at ma friend and saw a gentle smile on her face.

“That’s what you wanted to talk to me about?”

Ah nodded. Ah needed somepony ta talk ta. Ah ain’t sure if’n Ah should as worried ‘bout this as Ah am, but Ah can’t help it. It seems kinda wrong since doin’ that kind of thing is jest… Well.. It’s dirty, and it ain’t fer makin’ foals, so Ah’d guess it’d jest be ‘cause somepony figured it felt good.

Fluttershy hummed for a little bit, a single note without a tune, then said, "Well, if it's any consolation, I didn't like it, at first."

"Ya didn't?" Ah asked, "Why n- I mean, because it was wrong?"

"Oh, no, it wasn't that," Fluttershy answered, "it was because it hurt. I mean, it hurt when Ark and I first made love, which was- weird..."

"Considerin' ev'rthin' we did together?" Ah asked.

"Yes-" Fluttershy hesitated, "and no. It's just that, between you and I, I was sure I wasn't a- well, a virgin."

"Huh," Ah breathed, "ya know, Ah had the same thing happen when Anthony and I took a roll in the hay th' first time. It was like Ah was a shy, first-estrus filly all over again. Kinda excited meh a little, Ah reckon."

Fluttershy tittered lightly before a blush formed over her cheeks, "Of- of course, I'm not laughing at you, Applejack. I would never do that."

Ah nodded and allowed her to continue.

"Well, uh, the first time I took it, uh, back there, it was kinda by accident-?" Flutters admitted.

"Say what?" I asked, stunned, "how in tarnation does a pony do something like- that, by accident?"

"Well," Fluttershy continued, "it was during last estrus, when Ark and I finally got intimate. I was, uh, I was trying to ride him. Ark says that hoomans call that 'cowgirl style.'"

"Ya don't say?" I deadpanned.

Fluttershy nods, her blush glowin' brighter, and says, "Yeah, so, I was trying to do that, but- I missed."

Ah couldn't help but stare at the golden Pegasus. Ah've known her most of my adult life and Ah cain't recall any time when my shyest friend had ever been so forward. Last time Ah'd seen her be so bold was after Iron Will made her be so dagguum overtly assertive. This was somethin' new...

"So, uh, I came down on his- you know," Flutters continued, "and it hurt. Have you ever stepped on a piece of thistle and have a hard time removing it from your frog?"

Ah nodded, knowin' full well how many thistles an' briars that didn't jes get caught in mah coat, but in mah tail, mane, my fetlocks, my plot, and yes, even in mah frogs. They hurt like all get out!

"We-well, it was like that, with Ark inside my tail hole," Flutters went on, "but I couldn't get him out of me. He was too far inside, his- rod,was so thick. I couldn't pull him out. So- so, I had to ride him until he cli- climaxed. It took a long time before he finally came, but as I rode him it hurt less and less until it suddenly felt really good."

"And ya enjoyed it?" Ah asked.

Fluttershy nodded enthusiastically, much to mah surprise, "It was amazing!"

Ah looked at ma friend and felt plenty surprised. Ah guess Ah was surprised ‘cause when we had, helped each other we didn’t get inta tryin’ that. Ah’d never figure that Fluttershy would even want ta try it. ‘Sides, it jest dun’t seem right. Ah mean, it goes against ever’thin’ ma Mama and Daddy dun told me when Ah was a youngin’.

“Ah… Ah dun’t think that it’s somethin’ Ah want ta do too much,” Ah said.

“Did it hurt really bad?”

“Naw, but, it’s jest… Mama always said that yer suppost ta like ruttin’ yer husband. ‘Cause that’s a gonna give ya foals, but ta remember that while ruttin’ was fine, even when ya ain’t in heat, that what it’s fer is having foals, and showin’ how much ya love each other. Ah… Ah can’t figure that doin’ that is a gonna really show ma stallion how much Ah love ‘im,” Ah said.

“Applejack, you’d be surprised. Don’t just jump in, but keep an open mind,” she said

Ah felt a little better, gettin’ ta talk ta a good friend will do that fer a pony, but there was a lingerin’ doubt still hangin’ ‘round in ma head. Ah walked with Fluttershy back toward the house. Part of me was purty glad ta have talked, and part of me wasn’t sure if’n Ah really got anywhere t’all ‘causin’ Ah felt a might more confused.

We walked inside and Ah could hear ma stallion. Ah could hear ‘im movin’ ‘round, tryin’ his hardest not ta let all of this get ta ‘im. Ah thanked Fluttershy fer the talk, and walked upstairs. When Ah got there Ah saw ‘im. Ah watched as he walked, stopped, and tried to keep himself from doubling over in pain. Ah walked up behind ‘im, waiting until he was standing still, and Ah touched ‘im.

“Anthony,” Ah whispered.

He turned around, and Ah could see the pain right there on his face. He hid it, tryin’ to make it look like he wasn’t a hurtin’, but Ah’d learned a long time ago that Ah had a knack fer tellin’ when somepony was a hidin’ something. Ah could tell that he was a tryin’ ta keep me from seein’ that he was a hurtin’ something awful. Ah gently pulled him into a hug, feeling the way he felt against me, and Ah kissed his cheek. Ah wanted him ta know that Ah love him.

“It’s gonna be okay darlin’,” he whispered.

Ah knew it would be, but for right now it was a hard time. Ma husband was a hurtin’ somethin’ awful, and Ah hated it. Ah wanted ta make those so and sos pay fer hurtin’ ‘im so bad. Gently Ah held him, not wantin’ nothin’ more than to jest be there with ‘im.

(Arkady’s Perspective)

“So, what the fuck happened to you?!” I ask, “One day you’re there, and in the next, gone.”

“I am sorry about that, Spark,” she answers, calling me by that old, childhood nickname, “it was your uncle. He saw what was happening in my home. He became afraid for me when my father made known his inclinations for me to follow in the footsteps of my mother. Uncle Sergei, he-”

I didn’t need for to explain further, I already had a sense about what happened after that. My uncle arranged for her father to meet with an “accident.” Wouldn’t be the first time Sergei made something like that happened. From what others have told me, he probably called in her dad for some special favor or task. Then he sent out with one or two of his own enforcers. They took him to someplace remote, probably the lake house on the Ontario that was my uncle’s home away from home, and shot him in the back of the head. Or beat him to death with tire irons or lead pipes. Or better still, the old Chicago Mob tribute of boxing the guy up and pouring cement into the box, a sort of impromptu coffin/tomb.

“So your Dad goes missing, your mom gets a nice fat check am I right?” I say.

Ana nods, adding, “she slipped into the Virtual but not before signing me off to a boarding school in England. I get a nice little shopping spree in the middle of the night, then get sent to London on a First Class ticket, accompanied by some muscleheads.”

“And so you spent the last tens years there, getting a fine education and then joining the Russian Army?” I ask.

“” she replies, “I was given a fast track, given my entrance exam scores. Graduated at twelve and went on to Oxford, doing Russian Folklore and History.”

“That must have been up your alley,” I smirk.

“You have no idea,” Ana replies, “Baba Yaga beats Cinderella hands down.”

“But Cinderella is pretty,” I retort, “and the very symbol of the proletariat.”

“And a syllogism for oligarchal patriarchy,” Ana shot back, “she has to marry a prince, remember?”

I reply with, “Touche.”

After a brief pause for some libations, Ana continues, “Oxford was a blast, but I was starting to get bored of the intellectuals and academia. All talk and little action. Plus, I had burned my way through London’s streets very early in collegiate career; very few shop owners were willing to see me when I was on a tear. Then came a call from The Motherland…”

“You mean, the RusFed recruited you?”

Ana nods, “Exactly; they wanted an agent like myself working for them; someone with the knowledge and credentials to pass for a learned researcher or somesuch. Fluent English was a plus and they liked that I had some rudimentary understanding of American culture.”

“So, what, you get a post with the new KGB?” I ask.

“In a way,” Aana answers, “I did to come back home, from time to time, acting as a liaison for RusFed and getting some actual spycraft training in. That, and I got to become part of SPETSNAZ. A welcome plus.”

“I have a hard time believing this…” I mumbled.

“It all does seem rather incredible,” Ana replies, “but it did happen. So, I spent five years playing the field as a triple agent before retiring from service. Certainly you know what that’s like, given what I heard about you.”

“Not as much as might think,” I answer, looking down at my artificial legs, “the call of glory can sometimes mean losing parts of yourself. And sometimes, all of yourself.”

Ana nodded, continuing, “Well, after getting in touch with some old contacts of my father, and attending my mother’s funeral-”

“Your mom died?!” I interject.

“Yes, very sad,” Ana says nonchalantly, “She had The Google. Couldn’t keep from trawling for mentions of herself within the social networking scene; eventually stopped living in any normative capacity. Died of starvation, I was told, living in her own filth.”

“Wow,” I murmur, “just- wow.”

“I can’t complain,” Ana adds, “she wasn’t really a mother to me. In any case, I still have the high life, adventuring near and far, and I still have family to call on. That reminds me, I need to send a letter to Peitr…”

(Applejack’s Perspective)

Ma stallion lay sleeping, resting peacefully, and Ah looked over him. He was a good sort, had a rough start of things, and in truth that reminded me a bit of Rainbow. There were a few that figured that we were a couple. That wasn’t the case. Rainbow’s a darned good friend, but we weren’t never a couple. Ah liked stallions too much, and Rainbow, well, Ah figure that filly wasn’t too picky, but the two of us were a might too much like family.

The only filly Ah ever even curbed ma heat with was Fluttershy. The two of us would help each other out, making sure that we didn’t go and do no fool thing. Ah got up and watched as Ark talked to one of the fellars that came to help us out, and Ah could tell that they had history. Ah ain’t one to go snoopin’ in on other ponies, that’s more of Rarity’s thing, but Ah couldn’t help but notice that the two of them seemed awfully close.

But the way he was a acting Ah wasn’t worried. He was bein’ friendly, but not flirtin’ and that meant that he had eyes fer ma friend. Ah headed past the room they were in, and instead Ah headed outside. Ah could see Big Mac, already hard at work, gettin’ the harvest ready for delivery.

“Applejack?”

Hearin’ the voice Ah turned toward one of ma oldest friends, “Yeah Sugarcube?”

Fluttershy smiled at me, and then looked over the orchard, “It’s peaceful out there.”

Ah nodded. We were far enough out from the town that we didn’t hear too much noise, and even though the Corporate Farm was evil straight from Tartarus itself it was still a good place to make a good life. Sweet Nectar Acres wasn’t exactly Sweet Apple Acres, but Ah didn’t mind it.

“It’s right peaceful. Ah love it out here. Reminds me a good deal of home.”

Ah could see Fluttershy looking a little forlorn at that. Ah didn’t have any intention of makin’ my friend sad, but still she looked right lost.

“Have you noticed that none of the places we know are out there. I mean there’s a few that’s close. Las Vegas, Manhattan, and Philadelphia are certainly close to Las Pegasus, Manehattan, and Fillydelphia, but they aren’t quite the same. It’s kind of like they just don’t exist anywhere,” she looked toward the ground, “I… I’ve tried to keep from thinking about it, but I think everything we knew is gone.”

Ah nodded, “Ah know what ya mean.”

She looked at me, and Ah let out a sigh, “Ah dun had HAL look fer me. Couldn’t find a thing out there. Sugarcube, Ah ain’t sure what happened, but Ah figure that we’re here fer a reason. Ah’m damned glad that mah family and friends are here with me. Knowing y’all are safe is a load off mah mind.”

Ah watched as she touched her stomach, “I keep hoping that my critter friends made it. That Angel bunny is out there somewhere, and Harry the bear, and all of the others. Not to mention the Breezies. I’ve thought about trying to get Discord’s attention and asking him.”

Ah shook my head, “Flutters, Discord might be a friend, but Ah wouldn’t trust him ta be honest.”

Ah could see the stink eye and Ah cleared my throat, “Dun’t mean nothin’ by it. Discord seems like he’s a good friend, but Ah gotta believe he’d want ya to be happy, and if’n it was something bad that happened, well, Ah gotta figure that he’d think that tellin’ something that wasn’t quite true would be better than bein’ honest.”

She sighed, “I guess you’ve got a point. But what about the ponies we haven’t seen?”

Ah shrugged my shoulders, “Ah dun’t know. Ah ain’t got a clue why we’re here, but Ah gotta figure that whatever it is, well, it’s gotta be a good reason. Ah know that Jessica said that the land has been putting out more fruit than she’s seen in a long time,” Ah looked up at the sky, “And there’s been stories ‘bout the weather gettin’ controlled, droughts endin, and things jest gettin’ better. Shy, maybe we’re here cause we’re the only ones that was able to help these folks. Least that’s the idea Ah got.”

She nodded and Ah gave her a smile. Course, Ah wasn’t gonna ta lie. Getting rutted good and hard by mah husband was another good reason fer my being here. Anthony knew how to ride me hard and put me away wet. Ah’d have the shivers fer hours afterward if’n it was a good long slow rut against the wall, or on the bed, or on the floor.

Celestia help me, We’ve rutted on the table a time, or three, and luckily we were able to clean it up. Ah wasn’t sure how we’d get away with doing that kind of thing once we got Granny back. Best Ah remembered Granny could tell when ya went and did something just by lookin’ at ya. Course, maybe that was part of why Ah liked doin’ that kind of thing. It felt like Ah could get in trouble, so it made it worth it.

Ah watched Fluttershy as she looked back at me, and Ah knew what she was thinking about.

“Ya want ta talk ‘bout mah expecting huh?”

She nodded, “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to or not…”

Ah shrugged, “Ah ain’t worried. Apples been having foals fer a good long time, so Ah ain’t worried ‘bout that part of it,” ah touched my swollen belly, “Be lying if’n Ah said Ah wasn’t worried at all though. Gonna be a mama, and that’s something special and scary all on its own. Ah hope that Ah’m a good mama, but Ah dun’t know if’n I’m gonna be.”

Fluttershy sighed, “Before we came down, we just really finished up… my estrus. I don’t know if we are, at least not yet, but I keep wondering what’s going to happen if I am.”

Ah let out a laugh, which earned me another slight glare, “Shy, yer stallion seems plum crazy ‘bout you. Ah wouldn’t worry about what ya’ll gonna do. Seems durn likely that ya’ll raise your foal, love ‘em, and go on ‘bout yer day.”

Six hours later - Pie Processing - Team ‘leader’ POV

The smell was getting to me. I loved the fresh baked smell of pie, but the stink rolling off of these workers sucks. I groaned as I looked at the clock. I had another hour of making sure the quota is met, and then I was going hand it off to Wilkings, go to the company bar, have a beer, and maybe talk one of the farm rats into a good comfortable screw. I saw that Equestrian thing, that older than dirt green one that’s been cranking out pies. She looked tired, but it didn’t matter. Her apple pies have been selling faster than we can produce them.

As tired as she looked I figured that she was going to drop from exhaustion at any point. Of course when that happened we were going to have to prod her until she got up. I watched as she wavered, her head most likely swiming from the heat, the long hours, the mind numbing work, and God knows what else. I got my prod ready. A good shock straight to the ass usually worked with most workers. I walked toward her and stopped when I heard something. I turned to hear the door opening, clearance apparently given to my replacement.

That was weird, because Wilkings never came in early. I turned to look at him only to see a few masked individuals I’d never seen before. They covered this once, during training. Hostile infiltration of products. I never thought that I’d actually ever see it, but there they were. I raised my hands, showing myself to be a non-combative individual. Of course we were supposed to fight to the last man, and I would, the moment they got close enough.

A flash, and blinding pain later I found myself on the ground, clutching my leg.

Granny Smith’s POV

Ah felt the hands of a young stallion as he touched me. Ah looked at him, and ta be honest Ah ain’t never felt so tired. Ah ain’t ever told Jackie this, but when she was a youngin’ and Bloom was just a tiny foal, Ah was practically dead on my hooves most of the time. This was worse, but as they led me out Ah motioned toward the colt that’d taken up with me. Be honest, he reminded me a bit of Big Mac when he was a little colt. Those stallions, and that mare, they led me out, right on out, right up until we were out inside of an honest ta Celestia orchard. Ah felt it, the feeling like it was home, and Ah followed ‘em right up ta the house.

Ah saw ‘em, all three of mah grand foals, and Ah was durn happy ta see ‘em. Course if’n Ah was home Ah was a gonna get some sleep. Those other ponies… They liked ta try ta work a mare plum ta death!

Author's Note

(AN:Wow! It's been a hot second hasn't it?! Well, I'm getting back to the Vogonverse material, and I'm bringing it back from the dead. That said, An Apple in a Bushel of Peaches only has about another four chapters before it's done.

I wanted to thank all of you reading, and I'm glad that I was finally able to update this!

Also huge props for L0rd0f7hund3r for being willing to jump back in and finish up the crossover bit with his story.)