Rainbow Dash's Flight Journal

First off, today freaking SUCKED! As in, red light mare level suck! Seriously, I was flying, being cool and performing some awesome tricks, when I was struck out of the sky by a rogue flier. I mean, do you have ANY IDEA just how bucking painful it is to be hit mid flight by another stupid dumb pegasus!? It's just, how the flying buck could a grown flier not see me!? I look like a freaking rainbow! You'd have to be blind to not see me, and how freaking awesome I am in the sky!

So, that ended my practice for the day, and trust me, I was NOT happy about that! I was practically on fire up there!

Anyways, other stuff happened today, and I gotta admit, some of it was pretty awesome. Though, that bucking idiot really set the bar low... Whatever, moving on. See, I kinda had a little fun with Twilight today. Seriously, it's like, insanely fun to mess with that purple egghead! And you know me, when I see a great opportunity for a prank, I can't resist! And Twilight left herself wide open for my prying hooves. Hehe.

Sadly though, I needed a bit of help from Pinkie Pie to get everything set up. However, while on my way to Sugarcube Corner, I spotted a certain pony trotting along on Mane Street. See, I had never seen her before, and being a fellow pegasus, I thought I'd swoop down to say hello.

After basically landing right in front of her, scaring her half to death in the process, I couldn't help but to fall over in laughter. I mean, you should have seen the look on her face! It was priceless! Just priceless! Haha. She was like :O and I was like :D. Er, yeah.. Text faces, Pinkie taught me how to use them today. Anyways, after I had stopped laughing, she decided to say 'hello' to me. Though, it was more like "Who the hay are you" than a simple hello, but whatever. Same difference.

"Hey, uh, sorry for scaring you" I said while trying to hold back another burst of laughter. Oh, and yeah, Twilight told me to get more creative in my writing, so you'll see a bunch of he said she said stuff from now on. I mean, this is kind of an autobiography after all, so I gotta make it look awesome and official and such. Anyways, back to the dialogue.

"You.. You didn't scare me!" The unknown mare yelled defensively. "Heh, sure. Whatever you say" the awesome Rainbow Dash said while holding back more laughter before asking, "So, what's your name? Are you new or something?"

The unknown mare was taken back by this question, and seemed to frown at it while blushing lightly. I guess I have that effect on ponies, heh.

"Well, I'm not exactly new, but you're right, I don't think we've ever had the pleasure to meet before. Though, I already know who you are, Rainbow Dash." The other mare said, obviously wanting me to sleep with her. Hey, don't judge! Anything can happen when you're as awesome and cool as me!

"Well, of course you know me! I'm me after all, so it's only natural! Anyways, your name?"

"It's Flaming Bones. Though, you can just call me Bones. I'm here in Ponyville with Booth Borealis. He's a member of the Royal Guard. Basically my escort." Said Bones, though the way she said it made me think of a know it all bookworm. "Oh, and just call him Booth"

"Uh, right. I'll do that! So, are you like, royal or something?" I asked Bones, trying to figure out just who she was, and why the hay she's in Ponyville.

"Royal? Oh, no. I'm a type of doctor. I examine the remains of dead ponies and try to figure out how they died. Sometimes it's easy, and just involves a minor incision. More often than not, it requires more advanced techniques. There's even a bug guy on my team that..."

"Uh, did you seriously just say you work with dead ponies?" I asked, rather disgusted that this Bones character could stomach working with dead things all freaking day. And, a bug guy? What the hay is that supposed to mean!? Is there like a giant mutant bug working with her or something?

"Yes, that's right. I work with-" sorry, I couldn't stand this chat. I get that she's a fan of me and all, but I just had to get out of there!

"Uh, thanks for.. Yea, gotta go!" I said before flying off towards Sugarcube Corner, thankful to finally have that freak behind me.

Nothing really interesting happened on my way to Sugarcube Corner, though I did see a nice flock of birds that made me think of Fluttershy. I swear, it's like she was raised by animals or something, but you know, in a good way.

I landed directly in front of the door, and pushed it open. Mrs. Cake was tending to the front counter, a fresh batch of muffins in a tray bedside her. Unsurprisingly, Derpy Hooves was already here, sitting at a table, munching away on a blueberry and banana muffin. Boy did that thing look good, but I didn't bring any bits with me, so I'd never know how it truly tasted. My mouth was watering though, and the sweet smells of all the treats around me made me nearly have a winggasm. Yes, a winggasm. It's a type of reaction you get when... Well actually, I'll write about that later.

"Hey Mrs. Cake, is Pinkie around?" I asked the married mare.

"Oh yes, I believe she's upstairs. You're welcome to go up there, Rainbow". Man, Mrs. Cake is like the most motherly mother you'll ever get to meet! She's always so kind to me, even though I can be a tad brash at times. Though, that's kinda in my nature.

I made my way up the stairs, turned the corner to Pinkie's room, and found that she was... Clopping.

Just kidding! Man, you guys are soo gullible! Haha. She was really just sitting on her bed, talking to Gummy. Though, it would have been awesome if I had walked in on that. I mean, picture it! Her hoof tenderly moving between her legs, massaging her 'candy' while the sweet aroma of lust filled the room. I'd love a taste of that...

Anyways, I was here on a mission, and had no time for dirty thoughts. I needed Pinkie to help me with a prank, and being a huge prankster herself, we'd make for one amazing team. Hay, we already were an amazing team, our past pranks are proof of that!

" Hey Pinkster, up for a prank?" I asked while using my secret nickname for her. It was basically a mash between Pinkie and Prankster. It's an awesome name, isn't it? Came up with it myself! Anyways, she nodded in response, with an otherworldly large grin on her pink face. "Ooh goodie! Who are we pranking? Huh, huh? Who is it this time? Tell me!" She said enthusiastically. Man, I love that sugary enthusiasm of hers. I mean, there's a reason she works at Sugarcube Corner you know. She's so sweet I could almost eat her! Heh, eat her... Right, moving on. Got a prank to plan!

After I carefully told her my plan, and how I intended to prank the egghead with, well.. You'll find out a little later. Heh.

Anyways, Pinkie got to work straight away, collecting all of the 'supplies' we'd need for the prank. After everything was collected, I couldn't help but stare at how freaking many there were! And, I know you don't currently know what it is I'm talking about, but let me tell you, those things make me feel so freaking awesome every time I use them, and trust me, I use one every night! Yeah, just, let's leave it at that for now. Heheh.

"Uh, so Pinkie, just how many of those did you buy?" I asked with a bit of shock to my voice. Pinkie just giggled as a response. "No seriously, how many?"

"Well! I bought every last one in Ponyville, so I'd say.. Around one thousand seven hundred and eighty matey four" Pinkie replied with a literal bounce to her step near the end.

"Wait, so you seriously bought every single one in town? Who knew there were so many of them!" I said with a wild smirk across my face, and a couple of thoughts in my head. "I wonder if Scoot has one..."

"Well, there are more mares than stallions here" Pinkie said, while I quickly added, "Yea, and wanna bet that a few stallions use these things, too?" After saying this, we both bursted out into laughter.

If you haven't guessed by now, we're currently sitting on a goldmine of big black dildos! The prank was to remove each and every book in Twilight's library, and replace them with one of these big black monsters. So, when she returned from Canterlot later in the evening, she would have no choice but to be greeted by a house full of giant playful friends! Me and Pinkie would hide in her broom closet to catch her reaction. Man, this was gonna be super awesome! Can't wait to see how she reacts! Though, there was one tiny little problem...

"Uh, Pinkie.. How exactly do we get all of these into Twilights place?"

Pinkie Pie just looked at me with a crazy expression on her face, as if to scold me for my apparently stupid question. "Well silly, you put them inside you of course!" She stated, as if the most obvious thing in the world. "Uh, Pinkie? You don't seriously mean what I think you mean, do you?" I asked rather nervously. Knowing Pinkie, and how she's even more perverted than I am, she probably wanted me to actually stick that thing in me, and walk around town with a black thing poking out beneath my tail. Seriously, while I wasn't against the idea of keeping one or two of these magical black dildos for myself, which I actually ended up doing. No, really, it's inside me right now as I write this. Heh.

Still though, I'd never want to risk having others see me doing something like that! I mean, what if it plopped out of me and fell onto Mane Street, leaving a wet trail behind? That... would be the second most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me.

Thankfully, Pinkie had another idea in mind. A stupid idea, but at least it wasn't perverted.  "No silly filly, I meant to put it in your Rainbow Space! You know, like my Pinkie Space? Hehe" she said with a large yet dirty grin, obviously aware of what I was thinking. "Uh, Pinkie? I kinda don't have a Rainbows Space." I admitted, to which she replied with a loud yet shocked gasp, and somehow seemed to levitate for a second before landing back on her hooves.

"Serioussslly?!" Pinkie said while emphasising the later part of the word. "Yea Pinkie, seriously. You're the only pony I know that can do things like that. Honestly, it creeps me out sometimes" I admitted. "So, uh. How ARE we gonna do this? Can you carry them all yourself?"

Pinkie nodded, and began to... How do I even describe something like that!? She sort of just, inhaled every dildo in the room through her mouth! It was kinda disgusting, yet oddly sexy, too. I mean, nopony else can inhale one thousand, hundred, seven.. Buck, I don't even remember how many of these she bought, but if was a lot! "Uh.. Pinkie? That was awesome and all, but it's around eight o'clock now. Twilight gets back at nine thirty. Can we go now or what?"

"*pant* Lead on, Dashie McDashinton!"

With that, we both walked towards the back door, as to not raise suspicion with the Cakes, or any of the customers currently in the store. Once we were both outside, I took to the sky to scout the area ahead, and provided Pinkie with all clear signs indicating that it was safe to move up. While there were some mild disturbances, such as running into the Cutie Mark Crusaders, everything else was smooth flying, and in Pinkie's case, smooth walking to the library.

Once we had arrived, I flew in through the balcony window and unlocked the door so Pinkie could enter. See, for whatever reason, Twilight locks her front door whenever she takes a visit to Canterlot. I honestly don't get why, as it isn't like any pony here is gonna run up and steal all of her books or anything. I mean, we are kinda doing just that, and replacing them with dildos... But that's different! This is a prank, not a robbery!

However, before I could really do anything, Pinkie told me to stay outside so she could get the library prepared. According her, only she can organize everything so the floppy dildos stack properly on the bookshelves. This actually pissed me off quite a bit, as I REALLY wanted to help set it all up. I mean, it was my idea, plus the thought of touching a ton of dildos seemed kinda fun! But whatever, they were inside of her Pinkie Space, and I'm sure if I actually did try to help, I'd gag the instant all of those giant black things rocketed from her mouth... At least, I sure as hay hoped they came out through the same hole. Gah, even thinking about the other possibilities... Moving on!

Ten minutes of ultimate boredom later, Pinkie tells me to enter. What I saw was... Magical. Simply looking at all of the dildos neatly stacked around the library brought a tear to my eye. This was by far my best, biggest, and coolest freaking prank EVER! Though, I did notice that some of the dildos had an unusual pink color to them, but knowing Pinkie, I decided it was best to not question. Hay, she probably used them, and thought of her awesome rainbow friend to get her off. I mean, it's possible you know! I am awesome, and ponies always fantasize about me! At least, I hope they do. No, no, I know they do! How couldn't they? I'm one of a kind awesome!

"So, now what? Huh, now what do we do?" Pinkie asked. "Uh, I guess we wait. Twilight should be home any minute now, and this place is perfect! I'll get the lights, you make room for me in the closet!" I said in a raspier voice than usual, given my excitement. "Okey dokie lokie, my rainbow artichokey!" Pinkie exclaimed.

We didn't have long to wait before we heard the clopping of hooves in front of the door.. Heh, clopping... Anyways, the keyhole turned a light purple, and the door opened up. Twilight walked into a very dark library, not knowing of what was waiting for her when she turned on the lights. "Ohmygosh, I can't freaking wait! The suspense! Gah, turn it on already, Twilight!" I whispered lightly under my breath.

And just like that, the lights were on! Twilight stood frozen in the centre of the room, gasping at first, and then swearing loudly. "What the buck is going on here!? Are these... Buck, they are! They're bucking dildos! But, how the hay...rainbow, has to be.... I'm going to kill her! WHERE THE BUCK ARE MY BOOKS!?!"

I couldn't hold it anymore! I just couldn't stop myself from laughing! Oh my gosh, that reaction was freaking perfect! So bucking perfect! I bolted out of the closet to claim my prize. This was just too damn sweet, and the way Twilight looked at me when she saw me leave the closet... Just, freaking perfect! The anger, the confusion. Ohmygosh, words just can't describe how... "Wait, what?"

Before I could finish my last thought, I was raised up into the air by Twilight's purple magic. Mind you, I was still laughing my flank off at her reaction, and didn't happen to notice an evil grin spread across her face. Pinkie, on the other hand, noticed. She ran out of there as fast as she could, screaming "bestprankeveranddontkillhertwilightkbye!!" This just made me laugh harder. However, I soon let out a yelp as I felt a sharp pain between my legs, "Uh, Twilight, what are you.." Twilight then interrupted me. "WHERE. ARE. MY. BUCKING. BOOKS!?"

I then felt the pain between my legs again, and looked down to see Twilight ramming one of the giant black dildos into me. She was obviously pissed, and I expected that. I just never really thought she would go as far as to rape me! Yet, I kinda liked it, in some weird bucked up way. It hurt, yet it didn't. Still, even if I kinda enjoyed it, I didn't want my friend to be this freaking angry! So, I decided to come clean. That is, to come clean..again. Yeah, I was really into this. Heh.

"Twilight! Stop! Your books are safe! Please, Pinkie has them! Just please stop!"

Twilight relaxed at my words, and loosened her magical grip on me, and I fell to the floor with a painful thud. The look of anger in her eyes had turned into a look of lust.. She wasn't planning to do anything else, was she?

To my disappointment, she wasn't. "Oh Rainbow, I am so sorry! I don't know how I could do something so horrible, especially to a friend! I was just so angry. To see all of my books gone like this...it hurt, and something inside me snapped! Please forgive me!" Twilight, officially crying her eyes out, apologised to me wholeheartedly. The look of lust no longer upon her, with only sadness and shame remaining in her eyes.

I couldn't go right out and tell her that I enjoyed every minute of it, so I basically tried to comfort her instead. "Twi, I didn't mean for this to go so far! It was just supposed to be a harmless prank, I swear!"

Eventually, Twilight got her books back, though she had to chase a fearful Pinkie around Ponyville before she could get them. I actually had to help, and tackled Pinkie, telling her that Twilight was no longer angry. It took some convincing, but she quickly bounced back to her usual self, literally, bounced.

So that's it, entry number two to my soon to be world famous flight journal. I guess I should end with some kind of awesome tagline or something, but I'm really tired, and honestly kinda sore right now. So, I'm just going to go to bed, and call it a night.

Can't wait to see what awesome things tomorrow will bring!

-Rainbow Dash.