Crippled, Beaten and Broken.

It wasn’t until Luna’s night had fallen that Ryan was able to return to Twilight’s castle.

He entered as quietly as he could, trying his best to block out the pain in his joints. Applejack had been right, digging the trenches had been easy to learn, but it had been pure agony when it came to actually putting what he’d learned into practice.

He had been sore and dizzy after his job was completed, but the last thing that he’d wanted to do was test his watcher’s patience, so he’d kept quiet and accepted his lemonade with a smile that didn’t show any teeth and a quick, whispery “Thank you.”

After he had finished at Sweet Apple Acres he had gone over to Carrot Top’s house to do her gardening, which he found himself to be surprisingly good at. Carrot Top herself had acted cold towards him, but had admitted that he had done his job as well as could be expected, so she paid him, Shining Armor took the bits without a word, and they left for the castle.

Now he was quietly reshelving books, taking directions from Spike with a simple nod and nothing more. He could tell that his silence was bothering the little dragon, but every time he tried to speak, the words died on his tongue.

As he reshelved and reorganized the books his joints screamed at him and the dust from some of the older books irritated his eyes. But he didn’t want to ask for help, he couldn’t bare the thought of annoying his host.

He could still remember the pain of his father’s belt and fists every time he had spoken out of term and the Master had hurt him even worse for not remembering his place, and, though he knew that Twilight was not even remotely like his Father or the Master, he knew that his very presence was undoubtedly making Twilight anxious, and when people got anxious they got irritable, and from there it would only spell bad things for him.

So Ryan worked against the pain and creeping exhaustion until his job was done, then he retired to his room and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

The next day he awoke and went up to start his work, having been told by Shining Armor that he was supposed to watch over the Sisterhooves Social and make sure that no fights broke out.

Ryan partially found it funny that he was being used as a tool to threaten foals into playing nice, but mostly he was hurt that at the implication that he was scary, even if it was true.

His hand was on the door handle when he heard Twilight call his name.

So he turned and dashed into the kitchen, the sudden reemergence of the pain in his limbs nearly making him stumble, yet he kept from crying out.

“Hello, Ryan.” said Twilight cheerfully, motioning him over.

“Yes, Ms. Twilight?” he asked, taking a seat.

“I told you to call me ‘Twilight’.” said his host. She was being playful, but Ryan didn’t hear the joviality and quickly recoiled, whimpering an “‘M sorry.” to her before averting his gaze; He didn’t want to anger her by looking into her eyes when she had reprimanded him.

“Ryan?” she asked, cocking her head back, “Ryan, are you okay?”

He nodded silently and Twilight felt pity as she watched how hard he was trying to seem submissive. She felt the strong impulse to hug him as she had in the hospital wing, but something told her that he wouldn’t like the physical contact.

“Okay, but you will tell me if something’s wrong, right?”

Another nod.

Twilight offered him some eggs, but he politely declined and asked her if he could do his work, citing the near-lateness of the hour. Twilight let him go and immediately went to see Fluttershy, having decided that she needed to help her guest.

Ryan watched the sisters of Ponyville compete against one another and felt a hot, miserable sickness rise in his stomach as he remembered how he used to watch the parents play with their sons and daughters, and how much envy he had felt towards them for having what he didn’t.

He had started his long and worthless career as a bully during one of those days:

A father had left his son unattended after a game of frisbee, young Ryan had wanted that frisbee, convincing himself that it was a nice frisbee and that it might get him a few bucks at the pawn shop when what he actually wanted was for his father to play a game with him.

He had gone over to the toddler and shoved him over. Sneering when he had began to cry and redden. The boy’s father had come running and Ryan had taken off, but not after breaking the frisbee in half.

If he couldn’t have it, then the little runt couldn’t either.

Ryan shuddered as the memory flowed through him like a burning poison. The self-loathing that he had been feeling reared its head and bit at his innards, making him have to put all of his effort into not crying.

The games finished without a single issue and Ryan made his way back to the castle to await more instructions, still unaware that Rainbow Dash was following him from the sky.

Or the three little shadows that were creeping along after him.

Rainbow Dash felt another twinge of doubt as she followed her quarry.

Maybe this is a bad idea.

No! Zap was a villain regardless of how shy and timid he acted, she had seen enough fakers in her life to know that he was one.

You didn’t see Gilda for what she really was.

Dash gritted her teeth at the thought, trying her best to banish it and failing. The more attention she gave it, the more powerful it became.

So what if I didn’t know that one of my oldest friends was a jerk? I learned from that mistake and now I’m better at spotting phonies than ever!

Her thoughts were interrupted when she saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders sneaking after Zap.

Oh no. she thought, flaring her wings and tensing her muscles in preparation for a fight.

Ryan had made it halfway to his destination when he heard it: the sound of someone clearing their throat in an obvious attempt to get his attention.

Slowly, warily, Ryan turned and found himself looking down at three fillies: The first was a unicorn with a white coat and pink hair, the second was a pegasus with an orange coat and spiky, purple hair, and the last one was Applebloom.

“Howdy, Mr. Zap!” she said cheerfully.

Ryan looked around, seeing that there were already several sets of distrusting eyes on him, before turning back and saying, “Uhm….h-hello, Ms. Applebloom.”

The yellow filly giggled and so did her two friends, “Ya’ll don’t hafta call me ‘Ms’, that makes me sound all old and stuff. You can just call me Applebloom, okay?”

Ryan apologized and made the necessary amendments to his speech. Afterwards he was introduced to the other two fillies accompanying Applebloom: the white unicorn was named Sweetie Belle and the orange pegasus was Scootaloo.

Sweetie Belle was cordial and more welcoming than most of the other ponies, shaking his hand and saying, “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Zap. my sister’s been talking an awful lot about you.”

“Who’s your sister?” asked Ryan.

“Rarity.” said Sweetie.

She was about to say something else, but Scootaloo butted in with, “So is it true that you can use lightning to blow stuff up?”

“Scootaloo, you can’t ask stuff like that!” hissed Applebloom.

“Sorry.” said Scootaloo, pawing at the ground, “Is it true, though?”

Ryan bit his lip, then said, “I...uh….I used to, but only because I had something that let me do it.”

“Cool!” said Scootaloo excitedly, her tiny wings buzzing like a bee’s; Applebloom and Sweetie Belle both heaved exasperated sighs.

“It was cool-” said Ryan. “at first.”

Scootaloo’s wings stopped their high-speed buzzing, “What do you mean?”

“I mean” said Ryan, “that it made me feel powerful, but it was also something that had...uh….dark magic.”

The three fillies gasped.

“R-really?” asked Applebloom.

Ryan nodded, “Yes, it was like-”

“Like the Alicorn Amulet?” asked Applebloom.

“What’s that?” asked the human.

“The Alicorn Amulet was this really evil gemstone that made ya mean if ya wore it long enough.” explained Applebloom, “It made Trixie’s magic really, really strong, but it drove her crazier than Pinkie Pie on a sugar binge!”

“Who is Trixie?” asked Ryan.

“She was a really mean unicorn.” said Sweetie Belle, taking the lecturing reins from her friend, “She came to town a few years back and started bragging and bullying everyone, she even turned Rarity’s hair green! it was awful.”

Ryan felt a pang of some unknown emotion and he asked, in a low voice, “What happened to Trixie?”

“Oh, she got run out of Ponyville after some dumb colts brought an Ursa Minor into town for her to beat. Everypony thought that they wouldn’t see her again, but then she came back with the Alicorn Amulet and made us all her slaves.” said Sweetie Belle darkly.

“Yeah!” piped Scootaloo, “Me and Rumble had to wash her hooves, man did they reek!”

“Did she get defeated?” asked Ryan, paying Scootaloo no attention.

“Eeyup.” said Applebloom, “Twilight outfoxed her good, then she left and she hasn’t been back since.”

“Twilight let her leave?” asked the human, feeling the emotion slowly rising.

“Yeah, she said she learned her lesson.” said Applebloom.

“But she hurt you all!” hissed Ryan, “She used her magic to enslave you all and she humiliated you and she-she just got to leave, just like that? Twilight didn’t keep her locked up for the Princesses to deal with? Did she-did she beat her up?”

Applebloom, her face a mask of alarm, shook her head, “N-no...Twilight just let her go.”

Ryan’s legs gave way and he fell, heavily, to his knees. The trio of fillies backed up slightly and several of the towns ponies were coming closer, anticipating trouble.

When a full minute had passed and Ryan still hadn’t moved, Applebloom slowly cantered up to him and placed a small hoof on his gnarled hand, “Are ya okay there, Zap?”

Silence, then, “Y-y-yes. I’m sorry f-for acting out I just….I just lost my head….sorry.”

“‘S okay.” said Applebloom, her smile returning, “We all have moments like that, like when we get banned from a store ‘cause our crusadin’ gets us into trouble.”

“Or when Rarity messes up a design.” added Sweetie Belle, joining Applebloom’s side.

“Or when Mare Do Well tried to beat up Rainbow Dash.” said Scootaloo.

Ryan nodded and gently stood up, wincing at the pain of his joints. When he had finished dusting himself off Sweetie Belle asked, “Are those your only clothes?”

The human blinked and looked down at his clothing. He hadn’t really noticed what he had been wearing in the haze of worry and sadness that had fogged his mind in the intermediary between his jobs.

His shirt had been replaced after they had found him in the junkyard, but that had been long enough ago for the seams to start unraveling. His pants were thin, but he had taken care of them as well as he had been able and they hadn’t shown any more damage than a few small rips near the knees, and he lacked proper shoes, so he had bound his feet with bandages, bandages which were now worn thin and were somewhat bloodstained.

Sweetie Belle seemed to read his expression, because she nodded and said, “I’ll see if I can get Rarity to make some new clothes for you, but you’ll have to come in to get measurements.”

Ryan was speechless, but his shocked expression spoke volumes.

Sweetie Belle smiled and turned to leave, followed by Applebloom and Scootaloo. Ryan watched them leave, feeling a comfortable warmth spread in his chest.

He turned and began his trek back to the library.

From her perch Rainbow Dash watched as Ryan left with the feeling of doubt growing in her mind.

He didn’t try to hurt them. she thought, almost disbelieving, And they didn’t freak out either! Well, except for whatever the hay that whole wishing-a-spanking-on-Trixie thing was. Maybe...maybe I misjudged him?

The prismatic pegasus scratched her head and heaved a sigh, wishing that she could just think of a way to make absolutely sure that he wasn’t the monster that she thought he was.

Wait!

The talk of Trixie had stirred up a particular memory about a particular griffon.

I didn’t know for sure that Gilda was a jerk until I saw how she took a joke. If Zap can actually take a joke and not go crazy, then….then I guess that I was wrong. But what if he snaps because he had a bad day? No, no he’s too darn polite, and I’ll only do one prank,, not a bunch.

Nodding to herself, Rainbow Dash flew away to go plot her one prank, hoping that it would finally give her some closure.

“-nd, There he is!” whispered one pony.

“I heard that Twilight found him in a junkyard. Might account for his smell.” tittered another.

“Did you see his teeth?! They’re freakin’ daggers!” hissed yet another.

Ryan’s hands trembled as he desperately struggled to keep them away from his ears. He knew that, if he did that, he might also fall far into himself and never recover. It had been a few hours since he had met the fillies and the job that he was currently doing was the worst one yet.

He was to accompany Spike to the market and pick up various items for Twilight’s supper, which was to include all of her friends and the Mayor. Shining Armor had looked worried when he told him, and for good reason, because now he was vulnerable and exposed in a sea of ponies who hated him with only a baby dragon acting as a buoy.

He could feel them, their stares, trying to torment him without the use of violence. They hated him, and for good reason, though that knowledge didn’t give any comfort.

“I heard he tried to kill the Princesses!” said another pony, a little bit louder.

Ryan saw Spike stiffen and narrow his eyes.

“Yeah? Well I heard he was found talking to a bunch of rats, what a freak!”

There was a chorus of snickers and Spike gritted his teeth, looking like he was about to burst at any minute.

“I heard that he killed a foal...and ate it!”

With a low, yet surprisingly deep snarl, Spike turned on the pony who had spoken, a blond unicorn with an arrow for a cutie mark, and shouted, “Will you all just stop?!”

A silence fell over the crowd.

Then the stallion stepped forwards, a sneer plastered on his face, “Are you defending that monster, little lizard?”

“Yes.” said Spike, puffing out his chest, “Because he’s my friend and that’s what friends do.”

The stallion scoffed, “Are you really so stupid, boy? Can’t you see-”

He was stopped by another pony tapping him on the shoulder, still keeping his smug sneer firmly affixed, he leaned in and allowed the pony to whisper into his ear. All at once the sneer faded and was replaced by a look of pale horror.

“O-oh…..M-mi-mister Spike, I….I didn’t know that it was y-you, eh-heh-heh.” stammered the stallion, looking ready to flee.

Spike rolled his eyes and said, in a commanding tone, “Get the hay outta here, and if I ever catch you badmouthing anyone again you’ll have Princess Twilight to deal with, that is, if I don’t have a go at you first! Now scoot!”

The stallion turned tail and ran as fast as he could.

The murmuring faded into a dull roar and Ryan could only stare at Spike in open-mouthed awe.

The baby dragon turned and cocked his head, “What’s wrong?”

A powerful hug was all the answer he needed.

They returned to the castle half an hour later with the food, Spike went to get the meal prepared while Ryan was tasked with setting up the table. Once that was done Twilight told Ryan that he only had one other thing to do before he could turn in, that task being actually serving the food to her guests.

She send Ryan into the massive kitchen- a good portion of which looked unused-and had him retrieve the first plates of salads just as he heard the door open.

Twilight must be very good with telling time. thought the human as he entered the dining hall.

The Mayor hadn’t arrived, but the other Bearers had: Applejack was chatting amiably with Rarity about the results of the Sisterhooves Social, Fluttershy was listening to Twilight recount all of the misadventures that she’d had while exploring her new home and Pinkie Pie was taking at a bored Rainbow Dash.

The moment he entered fully all conversation stopped and the six watched him intently as he set out their plates; Had he been paying attention, Ryan might have noticed the subtle mischievous gleam in Rainbow’s eyes.

Please don’t let them keep me from my bed any longer. Ryan prayed as the fatigue of the day began to weigh down his limbs.

“Thank you, Ryan.” said Twilight sincerely, “You can eat with us if you like.”

Smiling through his lips, Ryan said, “Thank you, but I’m tired and I’d like to sleep, so if you don’t mind-”

He was interrupted when Rainbow leaped from her spot and flashed by him in a prismatic blur, pantsing him as she did.

Time stopped.

Ryan’s heart stopped with it.

He wasn’t wearing any underwear.

Rainbow’s cry of triumph died before it could be spoken when she saw them.

They all saw them, their faces paling in disgust and horror and...was it pity?

They could see the scars,

They traced a vulgar latticework across his bottocks, thighs and genitals. Ugly, raw-looking scars that looked like they had never really healed, they were the products of whips, blades of every length, needles, claws and teeth, a vile reminder of what had happened to him.

What had happened….

Sick, cruel laughter.

Tearing, unbearable pain.

The horrific realization that he had been- his mind revolted at that fucking horrific word, that word that held more nightmares in its syllables than the darkest curse. That one, simple word.

“Rape.” he felt himself saying.

Rape.

That’s what it had been, a brutal series of violations that had left him hollow, cold and sick, shamed in the mud, the one thing that had been more painful, more unspeakable agonizingly vicious than any of the other tortures.

Ryan felt the shame well up within him until it flowed out from his eyes and mouth, a long, torture wail that didn’t help him escape the Shame.

He fell to his knees and screamed.

There were voices, horrified, sad, worrying.

He didn’t care.

His mind was already retreating into the darker parts of unconsciousness, hoping to protect itself from the grasping talons of those memories.

But it was too late, the word had been spoken aloud, now the tide of memories was loosed and he was falling, falling deep and far and long, falling into darkness.

Falling…..

Fall...